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Old 02-20-2012, 03:44 PM   #271
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Took Cisco to the Vet to have her tail growth assessed. Even if it's benign, it's likely to reoccur due to its placement. She will re-injure it just by being her happy self. So I got a quote for amputation surgery and it's over $1K. For a tail! How much simpler could an area be to amputate? But they have there "break down" of all the charges.

I considered going for the less expensive procedure that might save her tail (and some of the money I simply don't have) but that is still around $700 and if the pathology comes back cancerous, the tail still needs to come off. So I set her up for surgery on Thursday morning.

There goes the $900 I tried so hard to save this month. I have to borrow $550 from my sister and then pay her back when I get paid on the 2nd of March. Then there is the $281 filing fee for the bankruptcy. And then I'll need more heating oil in March, even though I have the thermostat down as low as I can stand it.

So I file for another bankruptcy to buy myself a few more months in the hope that I can scratch and claw my way up out of this financial hole I'm in, but things keep coming up to cause the money to vanish into thin air.

I am not going to even pretend to give a rat's @$$ about weight loss right now. I'm in survival mode and all I want to do is to find a way to get out of this mess that I'm in. So, God bless you all until I return. I'm going to be spending time in prayer and doing much crying and beating of my chest. Throwing ashes over my head and tearing my clothes, as they do in the Bible. Because something is very wrong here and I need to know what the hell it is.

There's a scripture in the Bible that I'm thinking of but will have to look it up and see if I can find it. Just tried to find it in an online concordance but I give up. No one wants to read when scripture turns ugly, anyway.

Please pray for me that whatever this is I'm going through comes to a definite and clear end, soon! I'm nearing the end of my rope and I've been there before in my life. I do desperate things when I get there.
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Old 02-20-2012, 03:59 PM   #272
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Hugs Cheryl!! I will be hoping for some improvement for you, while you are chest beating and ash throwing (that part made me giggle) maybe cuz I am not religious and have never read it, so I pictured it literally! LOL

HOpe you feel better soon! The weight will come off when you are feeling ready and up to it... just take care of yourself and your puppy right now!
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Old 02-20-2012, 06:54 PM   #273
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Oh Cheryl! I am so sorry, friend! I will keep praying for you and it is good that you are going to pray too. God has you in this for a reason not yet known to you, but He will bring you through it. I wish I could offer you more, but just stay strong in the Lord.
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Old 02-21-2012, 09:32 AM   #274
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Oh Cheryl, I'm thinking about you. Stay strong and some how, some way, you'll get through this. Don't worry about your weight. When you get moved and your dog better, you can concentrate on that.
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Old 02-22-2012, 06:33 AM   #275
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Praying for you, Cheryl. God is able as you know (hugs)
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Old 02-22-2012, 06:57 AM   #276
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Praying for you, Cheryl. God is able as you know (hugs)
This is beyond true! He is able to do more than we can imagine! Praying, friend!
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:00 AM   #277
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Hi Cheryl,

Just wanted to let you know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

I have been going thru some challenges (won't go into detail here) that really hit me hard. I really struggled with my faith and asked a very religious friend how she manages that...and she said you just have to trust....which is not easy to do when things are rough.

I finally decided to just do what I can do, and then turn over the rest.

I know that there is always a solution to our problems, even if it is not immediately apparent. It may not be what we would choose, but we always get through things. This too, shall pass.

Hope I"m not annoying you. I HATE hearing that stuff when I'm going thru MY crisis....my intention is to let you know that a lot of people are holding good thoughts for you and you are loved.

Ellen
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:02 AM   #278
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Cheryl...keep posting and tell us how you are!
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:28 AM   #279
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Just thinking about you today, Cheryl.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:19 AM   #280
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Galatians 6:9
And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:35 AM   #281
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Wow! Look at this "love fest" over here! Thank you all for reaching out to me. I have reconsidered on the amputating of her tail. I'm going to give her the full week of oral ABX and treat the cyst daily by cleaning it with hydrogen peroxide, neosporin ointment and then this medicated cream they gave me in the past that helps take away any little pain there might be. It's soothing and helps it to heal.

I'm a nurse so that's got to count for something! And maybe being able to claim success with her tail would help to off-set the failure of my late hubby's foot that had to be amputated after a full year of fighting to keep it.

So today I have guitar class at 7pm. I haven't picked it up more than 3 times and can't say I'm any closer to being able to play one or two of those single note riffs that when he first handed them to us. But I have plenty of excuses in my little bag of "I'm sorry but"s" kit.

Then tomorrow is office time with Petra at the farm. I also need to go to the library and print up a couple of bankruptcy forms to fill out and deliver to the court in person this Friday morning. Then the "law Day" will once again be postponed and the race resumes to try and scrape together money and time.

So, peace to you all! Until we chat again, this is my update for today.
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:21 PM   #282
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Cheryl!!!!! So glad that you checked in and let us know how you were doing. I was just reading Philippians 4 and praying for you! I give credit to your nurses! I couldn't do anything like that. Glad to hear a more positive tone to your post! Please don't go anywhere, we love you here!!
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:38 PM   #283
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I'll try to post but it's difficult to do when you feel like an empty shell of a person. I do want to say how much I love your new Avi! Cutie-pies all! And bless you for the prayers.
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:44 PM   #284
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I'll try to post but it's difficult to do when you feel like an empty shell of a person. I do want to say how much I love your new Avi! Cutie-pies all! And bless you for the prayers.
Thank you! They are rotten! I completely understand about not wanting to post much. Just know that we are hear with listening ears and comforting words.

I am struggling right now too. Just everyday stuff and not thinking I am good enough. I am trying to pray Philippians 4 for myself too. So quickly anxiety can ruin me and I am feeling it a lot lately. Satan is trying to get my thoughts off of God and it is hard to battle it. But we can do it!
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:48 PM   #285
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Thank you! They are rotten! I completely understand about not wanting to post much. Just know that we are hear with listening ears and comforting words.

I am struggling right now too. Just everyday stuff and not thinking I am good enough. I am trying to pray Philippians 4 for myself too. So quickly anxiety can ruin me and I am feeling it a lot lately. Satan is trying to get my thoughts off of God and it is hard to battle it. But we can do it!
After I posted my reply to you, I went and read Philipeans 4. It was a good read, for sure! I have times when I read the Word with greater consistency but this is NOT one of those times. Seems to me that could be part of the problem. I will try and read something to ponder and meditate on rather than let all the negative "tapes" go round and round around in my head and heart, like a cancer.

He said to "think on these things!" So, I'm going to really give that a try. Thanks, Stacey.
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Old 02-22-2012, 12:55 PM   #286
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After I posted my reply to you, I went and read Philipeans 4. It was a good read, for sure! I have times when I read the Word with greater consistency but this is NOT one of those times. Seems to me that could be part of the problem. I will try and read something to ponder and meditate on rather than let all the negative "tapes" go round and round around in my head and heart, like a cancer.

He said to "think on these things!" So, I'm going to really give that a try. Thanks, Stacey.
This is what our Sunday school teacher taught on Sunday and it has stuck with me. I can beat myself up so badly mentally and it affects not only me, but my family and all that I do. My negative thoughts can become an idol and I need to take them captive. I don't "think on these things" nearly enough and I have been repeating this to myself this week. It does help and I hope it helps you too!
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Old 02-22-2012, 01:08 PM   #287
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It always helps to be reminded of how doing the right things bring about the right results. I even have some Joyce Meyer teachings on "Armed and Dangerous" and "Battlefield of the Mind." Perhaps I need to listen to them again.
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:41 PM   #288
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Guitar class #2 went very well. It's so hard to do something when you know so freaking little but in a way, that gives you the chance to say, What the Heck and just do it. There are only 4 more classes after today which is astonishing. I didn't practice nearly enough after the first class but I'm really going to try to do better this week.

Have to do some laundry tomorrow, run to the library to make a few printouts from the computer and then do my 3 hours in the farm's office. Then Friday I'll drive down to the courthouse and file my paperwork for the bankruptcy again. Whatever gets me through to the next month.

Working on mending my dog's tail by my nursing skills and a modest approach to her health care. I hope it gets better and doesn't require surgery. I'm glad she's on oral ABX and that I can assess her boo-boo daily and medicate her for discomfort, etc. She only seems to feel pain when I mess with her boo-boo. But I have cream to apply to it that helps with the discomfort. It's a catch 22. She took her dressing off while I was at class tonight. I found the soggy mass of dressing laying on her bed. She'd chewed it up like gum. (Bleck.) Well, wound care was first on my list of to-do's when I got in the door.

Still off plan as far as diet goes but at least I didn't buy any food for delivery or pick up anything on the way home. That's a victory in itself.

Goodnight, all. I'll be in at some point tomorrow. Looks like we have some weather coming our way.
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Old 02-26-2012, 05:25 PM   #289
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I'm alive and coming back around to "myself" again, slowly but surely. I have had a long-enough party and now I want to get back to normal. I've lost ground but I can and will come back from this. I've done it before and looks like I'm doing it again.

I can hardly believe it but it's only four months before my nephew's wedding in CT. I thought I'd be at goal with a few months to spare. At this rate, it's going to be much more of a challenge.

Cisco's tail is still on the mend. I really don't see a huge improvement in it but I am doing the best I can. She's still on the "tail end" of her oral antibiotics and it looks very clean with healthy tissue, just not looking like I'd thought it would by now. I keep it wrapped in a dressing and cleanse it and then apply creams. God willing we can avoid surgery.

Filed for bankruptcy on Friday so the Law Day letter has no power over me now. I've been drinking and eating my cares away (what a joke) but now I'm tired of it all and I'm ready to get my sanity back.

Just wanted to let you all know that I'm still here. I hope you are doing well. I'll be feeling better soon.
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Old 02-26-2012, 05:55 PM   #290
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Good to "see" that smile again in your voice. I know what it is like going through that. When I was sick almost 2 years ago and didn't know why, I was eating my cares away. I just didn't care and was in a complete downward spiral. God never left me, but I felt so alone. You can get through it, friend!

Glad to hear that Cisco is doing a bit better. Hoping it heals up quickly!

i will keep praying for you!
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Old 02-26-2012, 09:28 PM   #291
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Thanks so much, Stacey. Bless you.
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Old 02-27-2012, 05:10 AM   #292
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Good morning Cheryl -

it's Monday, a new week, and a great time for new beginnings.
Sending you lots of love......
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Old 02-27-2012, 08:30 AM   #293
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Thanks so much, Stacey. Bless you.
Bless you, my friend! Here's to a new week full of God's goodness!
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Old 02-27-2012, 08:42 AM   #294
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Good morning Cheryl -

it's Monday, a new week, and a great time for new beginnings.
Sending you lots of love......
Marie, you look amazing in your new Avi! I haven't seen you around in so long. Maybe your Avi isn't all that new. But you look terrific!

Yes, a new week and almost a new month. I'm running with it.

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Bless you, my friend! Here's to a new week full of God's goodness!
Amen to that!

Down 2 full lbs from yesterday and I haven't even started to cut back on my food. (You can guess where the loss came from.) I brewed myself a pot of coffee and I'm sipping on my first cup. Beyond that, I need to do a few loads of laundry and maybe drive out to my sisters' to pick up something she's got of mine.

Birthday pizza party next Sunday for my sister Teresa. Not worrying about it. Too far down the road when all I can manage (and sometimes not) is today.

I hope everyone has a lovely Monday and a fabulous week. May March be kind to us all.
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Old 02-27-2012, 10:15 AM   #295
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Hi Cheryl! Hang in there! We all go through tough times and sometimes turn to food for comfort. Sounds like you're turning yourself around. You can lose some weight before the wedding. Find that determination again! You can do it!!!
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Old 02-27-2012, 11:08 AM   #296
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How are things going in the new house and with your son? Are you preparing to rent out your other house? How's Chloe? Catch us up!
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Old 02-27-2012, 09:09 PM   #297
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We love the new house! I'm taking my time in getting it decorated. I want to look around and put things I love to look at on my walls.
The old house is being occupied as of March 1st. We have a realtor handling it. But we are keeping a close eye on maintenance of it.
My son is "in the field" right now for 9 days of fake battles. I worry if he's cold! I'm such a mom! LOL I really hate that he is gone from home. I mean HATE it!!!! I would never tell him that though. Hes doing what he wants to do and so I have to respect that. But I can still hate it!
Chloe is so ornrey! Shes pulling herself up on us if she's sitting next to us. She stands on the couch and tries to jump! While she's leaning on the back of the couch! She's crazy She'll be 9 months on the 8th and she isn't wanting to crawl, she wants to walk!
Well, there is the update! LOL
Talk to ya tomorrow.
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Old 02-28-2012, 06:51 AM   #298
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Tammy, sounds like you have a busy little one on your hands! Gets more "fun" after that!! Glad you are enjoying your new place!

Cheryl, glad to hear that you were down some lbs yesterday! And super yay that Cisco is healing well. What a great nurse she has!

Hope you have a GREAT day!!

Rejoice in the Lord always, again, I say, rejoice!!
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Old 02-28-2012, 07:07 AM   #299
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Rejoice in the Lord always, again, I say, rejoice!!
Speaking of rejoicing, we watched Soulsurfer the other day and it was quite inspiring. Great example of rejoicing and living fully as a Christian!

It even made my DH tear up a bit, and he hasn't done that since Saving Private Ryan (a movie I couldn't even watch cause of the violence).

Cheryl, hope things are feeling more joyful for you.
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Old 02-28-2012, 07:25 AM   #300
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Speaking of rejoicing, we watched Soulsurfer the other day and it was quite inspiring. Great example of rejoicing and living fully as a Christian!

It even made my DH tear up a bit, and he hasn't done that since Saving Private Ryan (a movie I couldn't even watch cause of the violence).

Cheryl, hope things are feeling more joyful for you.
I have that movie recorded and i keep forgetting to watch it, but I will, soon...I promise!
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