Break Out the Beakers, It's my Maintenance Experiment

[kittycitygirl]

Y, just put in the hours and do your own studying for the testing. You'll do ok!

Cool looking place!

[TexasMommy]

Good morning girl!

I would do the same thing - the study guide is a good idea. My BFF complains about her teachers, argues with them all the time... they don't like her at all LOL. And you know, it hasn't gotten her anything but lower grades.

I bet you ace your quiz!

[zipp2play]

look at you rocking that LOWER number!!!!!!

[zipp2play]

Good luck with your new schooling. Now opportunities await for you! HOW EXCITING!

[Izzysdream]

Weight: 144.0
Sleep: 4.0 (woke up to pee then my mind started spinning about school couldn't fall back asleep)
Mood: Exhausted
Meditation: 20 mins in the morn, I'll do a bit before sleep.
Afformations: Only 5 minutes in the car, so I forced myself to do 25 minutes in the bath tonight. LOL
Exercise: off day
Distracting activity: cooking (at first anyway)
Soothing activity: watching favorite tv
Walked like a zombie into class this morn. Started waking up around 10 when I took my first wellbutrin.
So grateful I studied for tomorrows test last night. I couldn't have focused on even reading the chapter today. Did go over flash cards and muscles again.
Read an article in More about Christina Applegate. She said there is no room in her life for recrimination or regret. "I don't do anger. It makes no sense to me to hold grduges or pine over things. Or over-analyze."

Of course we all know the damage that anger/resentment does to us. But what do we do about it?
Anyway reading that struck a chord.
After school I was cooking something in my newest pot (green pot) on the stove. Of course I wandered into the bedroom to do something and only remembered that I was cooking when I smelled the burn. Completely ruined the coating on the inside of the pan. I started getting really mad for a second, then said out loud I don't do anger. I kept repeating it until I was calm.
There are a lot of very simple things we can do to change attitudes and behavior.
I just need to KEEP DOING it.
This week so good so far, eh?
There was more drama at school today, found out their promises about working there at the front desk are empty promises. I talked to another student, my adviser also promised her work 5 weeks ago and nothing happened.

I DON'T DO ANGER

[Bejewelme]

Izzy that is a good motto!

[zipp2play]

Izzy the school is misrepresenting themselves??? That is wrong. Can you change advisors??? Look at you rocking the 144! I don't cook because walking away from something and forgetting it is the NORM for me!

[TexasMommy]

I love that! I need to use that, seriously!

Sorry about school. They should not be making empty promises like that. What a crock! Hopefully, that doesn't say something about the entirety of their program. I DON'T DO ANGER.

Have a great day sweetie!

[Izzysdream]

Friday October 19, 2012
Weight: forgot
Sleep: almost 6
Mood: Exhausted at school, really good tonight
Meditation: 10 mins in the morn, I'll do a bit before sleep.
Afformations: 45 minutes
Exercise: 300 calanetics abs, upper body with 5 pound dumbell
Distracting activity: homework, words with friends, internet
Soothing activity: tv, reading, art project afformations
Had a potluck at school at noon today for 3 students graduation. Home made yummy carby food, I stuck to the rot. chicken and the pork rinds/salsa I brought. No If'ing today. Got home exhausted and really hungry. Been hungry all week, sleep dep. has been messing big time with my hunger hormones. Made a half recipe of low carb choc chips cookies with coconut flour (s0-so, turned out really flat) had some of those, some coconut milk, a couple of sugar free doves and a few left over popcorn chips. Made that my dinner. The carbs hit the spot. I don't know if it was the carbs or the "art" project I was working on tonight. But my mood has been really good. Feel content.
Glad this week is over with. Did some homework, I can enjoy this weekend!

[marylouise]

A very cool place!!!
And great pictures!

[kittycitygirl]

Empty promises? Wow! Not right!

Sounds like you are doing well though! Yay you!

[zipp2play]

Medical field is always going to be in demand. Let us know how things continue. You are smart so I know you will show them all!

[Izzysdream]

October 22, 2012, Monday
Weight: didn't weight this morn, weighed 144.2 after dinner? huh
Sleep: about 6
Mood: pretty good
Exercise: weight training at the gym this afternoon! Good to be back
Meditation: didn't have time this morn, will do 20 minutes tonight
Afformations: 35 minutes. Making an additional recording to start listening/repeating to later tonight.
Caved and added back the generic unisom after my trazadone last night. Woke at 1:45 am with intestinal distress til about 3am, but was able to fall back asleep. Forgot to set my alarm so I was lying in bed when I should have been getting ready. lol
Instructor seemed more prepared today. She emailed us last weeks outline this week and actually emailed us this weeks today!!!! I wonder if one of the grads complained. eh?
They left at 10am for a tour of a cadaver lab, I opted not to go so I was left with a 51 question open book test about billing/coding/insurance. Darned if it didn't take me all of 2.5 hours to finish. But glad I opted for that option. I've been in a cadaver lab 20 years ago, so I figure, see one see them all.

Michael and I had a great weekend. Drove up to the bluffs in Grafton IL to the Aerie winery and had a couple of belgium beers.
Got some pictures on the bluff at Pierre Marquette park, had because it was by the roadway and really busy on Saturday.

Love the curves in the trunks of this tree!













Should have gotten more shots of the winery, there was a huge front deck overlooking bluffs and a huge seating area to the right down the hill.

[zipp2play]

LOVE LOVE LOVE the pictures Izzy!

Glad to hear school seems to be going better too! Looks like you enjoyed your weekend!

[TexasMommy]

Beautiful pictures! I love that tree... our landscape is so drab!!

Whoa! 144 after dinner girl??!! You are kicking major A!

[Izzysdream]

Tuesday October 23, 2012
Weight: 142
Sleep: almost 6
Mood: frazzled in the rain
Meditation: 20 mins in the morn
Afformations: 15 minutes

I've been discombobulated all day. Tried to start my car this morning on the way to school. It wouldn't start. Took 40 minutes to get it jumped (in the rain no less). Called honda and they said my battery was good for about 3 years. It's been almost 3.5 years. Called my teacher, she said just do all the homework at the end of 4 chapters.
Had two job seach appointments at opposite sides of town. The first took two hours til 11.30 and the second I was done at 2.30. My cousin got me a discount on a 129.00 battery in Illinois for 77.00 So I met him there at 4pm. Stopped at the library in town there and worked 3 hours on homework. Only got 1 and a half chapters finished. Was burned out to say the least. Came home laid on the floor to stretch out my sore back and did some afformations that I neglected during the day.
My ex called from a friends phone and I picked it up. His father died and he and his daughter are moving to Rhode Island to care for his mom...permanently. He just wanted to see me on Thursday for a few minutes before he leaves....sigh....too tired to think at the moment...
Is it only Tuesday????? Where's the weekend already! LOL

Wow, I'm only 4 pounds over my "after" pic 2 years ago. I have a lot more flab and loose skin on my upper arms. Everything is looser. Boobs smaller. The bain of losing weight in my fifties....but hey, winter clothes hide it well.

[Izzysdream]

Here's one of my "befores" in 2006 a few days after I started low carbing



Another at 219




At 162 pounds, April 2007. Size 14



143 February 2008 My tummy tuck was 6 months later in August 08. Size 10ish



March of 2009 6 months post tummy tuck at 133 pounds. Size 8. will never lose those hips



Gained a ton of weight (3 sizes) the fall of 2009, in spring of 2010 did hcg and got down to 138, stayed there a while then gained and did a second round. Major Dysfunctional relationship stress for the next two years and yo-yo up and down mostly 10 -15 pounds - emotional eating coping..

I'm committed now to staying in the mid 140's range. Committed to establishing long lasting positive behavior. Will post an after picture in 6 months after maintaining.

[TexasMommy]

Yes, those pictures do bring back memories! I can't wait to see an updated after.

So, the big question is...

Are you going to see him?

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by TexasMommy

Yes, those pictures do bring back memories! I can't wait to see an updated after.

So, the big question is...

Are you going to see him?

He inherited a bunch of money. Moved to Newport Rhode Island where he grew up with the rich folk and family.
I'd rather be poor (ha, I am!) living in my car than to spend another minute with him again....

[Izzysdream]

Wednesday October 24, 2012
Weight: 142.4
Sleep: not enough, and druggy for the first 3 hours of school, couldn't focus
Mood: a bit stressed
Meditation: rushed out the door i'll do tonight
Afformations: 15 minutes, need to refill batteries in my voice recorder
Was at school til 4.30 today. We did a voluntary lab and drew blood on each other. I couldn't find the vein in my partner, (sorry Heather!) but Karen was able to draw from me with minimal pain. This was our first time doing it. We will be staying late on Mon, Wed and Fri to do labs. Have a ton of homework due tomorrow, been working on it since this afternoon. Just got done, now I have to study for the quiz tomorrow.
School busyness!

[Bejewelme]

Izzy love the pics, you are skinny mini GF!!!! Love the fall leaves too they are so beautiful here right now, I swear I drive and some of the trees just take your breath away they are so pretty!!!

[marylouise]

Denise you are AWESOME!

If the med. field does not pan out you have such a wonderful talent in your eye for catching the right shot!!!!! DENISE you are GREAT at taking PICTURES!

You are so loaded in talent!!!!!!

[Izzysdream]

Weight: 142.0
Sleep: 5.5 didn't take generic unisom, so not druggy this morn at school
Mood: pretty good
Meditation: 10 mins in the morn, I'll do a bit before sleep.
Afformations: 30 minutes
Exercise: At St. Louis Workout - old machines, have to use lower weights than Club Fit

Inner thigh machine/outer thigh: 70 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Outer Thigh machine: 70 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Leg Extension: 30 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Seated leg curl: 25 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Shoulder press: 20 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Lateral raise: shoot, forgot this one this time!
Rear Delt Pec Fly: 40 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Chest press: 30 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Lat pulldown: 30 pounds, 3 sets of 8
Manual Chin up machine: 20 pounds, 1 sets of 8
Manual dip machine: 20 pounds, 1 sets of 8

We did a blood draw lab again and dam if I still couldn't find a vein in Karen and she had real visible veins! Too nervous I think. The new student from Bosnia tried to draw blood on me. Again OUCHIIIII

So glad it's Friday tomorrow! Michael and I may see a movie, he took a comp day off. Tomorrow is a late birthday lunch with my family (we always do this my Dad's birthday weekend. He's a whopping 82!.

[kittycitygirl]

Dang, girl! Looking good!

Happy Birthday Dad!

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by kittycitygirl

Dang, girl! Looking good!

Happy Birthday Dad!

Thanks! Oops dad's dinner is on Saturday. Wishful thinking that tomorrow is Saturday!

[zipp2play]

Izzy - those pictures tell quite the story. I wish you would include your beautiful face. You are truly stunning! Look at how far you have come!

Did you go see the EX? What movie might you go see???

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by zipp2play

Izzy - those pictures tell quite the story. I wish you would include your beautiful face. You are truly stunning! Look at how far you have come!

Did you go see the EX? What movie might you go see???

Oh, I try to remain somewhat anonymous in my journal. You never know when a potential employer might be lurking around..lol Too much personal stuff at times....

Friday was a hard day, was in class, a tenant calls and says his bathroom ceiling was flooding with water. The tenant above forgot her bathtub was running and overflowed for about a half hour (she was on the balcony talking to someone).
Damage to first, second, third floors, had to find a company specializing in water damage, explain it to the owner who doesn't want to put any more money into these buildings. Hyperstress day, trying to conduct all this from school. I let myself focus on the fears of the situation (owner will fire me etc) which exacerbated my high state of anxiety. Need to start practicing my emotional tools next time to bring me back down to ground zero, lol. Once my mind and body is stressed it remains that way for hours. I've always had superhyper responses to stress...
I felt a familiar inkling to binge starting to build. Michael and I were supposed to go see the Alex Cross that night. My gut said to stay home and relax but I went. Took my wisconsin beef stick to have in the show, but was hungry and bought a large buttered popcorn that we shared. Afterward we stopped by the grocery and I bought a box of sugar free icecream bars. Ate most of them but threw the last two out. It was weird, it was almost like I was watching a movie that i could have stopped at any moment, but I chose not to until the last two bars. I let my animal brain take over for a few hours, but I had it on my leash, I chose when to jerk it back. My binges in the past were fueled by this lower brain and I was it's victim. I don't feel that way anymore. I don't know if this makes any sense...In Brain over Binge she talks about rewiring the pathways to binge by the action of just not binging. I think my binge pathways may be getting weaker, I hope.
Anyway, took my laundry and my books to my brother place in Illinois before the family met for dinner at 2pm yesterday. 13 of us met at Linny's family restaurant and I ordered breakfast food and stayed low carb. It was a really good time. Sometimes family times can get real stressful with a particular brother of mine. But he behaved beautifully.

I studied until 7.30 pm then collapsed into a couch potato when I got home at 8.30. Woke early this morn and lazed around, did an hour or so of homework, taking a break now. Will resume homework soon then get my arse to the gym and do a workout.
11 more weeks of school....

[zipp2play]

You can do it girl! You are doing really well at taking back control! Way to go.

[Izzysdream]

I hope I'm pmsing. I've been really hungry the past couple of days, can't wait until 2 or 3 to eat for the first time of the day. Today at school had a low carb EAS and an ounce of mac nuts at 1pm. Did a bunch of running around and by 4 found myself in Wal mart almost passing out from hunger!!! I went next door to Sams and got a couple of pieces of pizza and ate the tops off. I almost ate the 2 pieces of gourmet chocolate that had arrived in a a gift I picked up at the post office. I was so tempted on the way home I threw them out the window!!! OMIGOD What is this?
Since the ablation I no longer have periods, but I never had physical symptoms before TOM, no swelling of the girls, no water weight gain, no cramps. I always counted on counting about 21 days since the last one to know when to expect pms.
Now I don't have that gauge to go by. If I knew this is what it it...I could factor it in....but I don't....feeling out of control by this hunger today!!
Just going to eat more low carb food this week, make some flaxmeal brownies to curb my craving for chocolate and pray!!! LOL

[zipp2play]

Hey girl, do you get cravings/hunger before you period? How do you deal with it on down days?

Honestly, I had my ablation procedure in December of 2011 and I haven't had a period since then. I have no clue if it is PMS time or not. Now the first 2 months after the procedure I did spot a bit during my period, but nothing at all since February. I have no idea if PMS what causes me to get more hungry some days over others. I didn't start JUDDD until April, so I have no idea what it would have been like when I did have a period. I do have hungrier days and then I have days where I could honestly not even think about eating. Not sure that helps. When I am super hungry, I eat LC and try to make it small amounts to just stop the growling. My DD's tend to range from 500 - 700c. I don't go near as low as many others do. That just doesn't work for me at all!