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Old 11-27-2011, 06:41 PM   #1
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Starting RIGHT NOW-my journey

I am currently, 181 pounds and 5’5. I have had body image issues since I could remember (probably around the age of 8). My parents (mainly my dad) put it into my head that I was big and should excuse myself from the table while my brothers ate and I that I looked too chubby to be wearing a bathing suit at 10 years old. In my teen years he told me I would never get a boyfriend or husband because of my weight. All this led to lots of tears, depression, loneliness, and eating issues one being bingeing and purging, eating ALONE and secretively, and LOTS of different diet plans. Fast forward to 2011 and I am married with three children. I work, take graduate school courses and get stressed about the everyday things. Life has taken a toll on my body. All of the nonsense I have put myself through and the blaming of others reached a peak this past summer and I wanted to take control. My friend talked to me about her sister losing so much weight on Atkins. Well, I read the book and starting eating low carb in July. I have also been on LC Friends and found it so helpful. I started at 204 pounds and I am now 181. The sense of control and satisfaction from this WOE has been amazing. Although, I lost a nice amount of weight I would like to be 150 pounds. I would love to be this weight by the spring of 2012. The last time I was 150 pounds was in high school- I was about 160ish when I got married. I started out doing really well this summer and I was exercising but since October I have been in somewhat of a stall. I think starting this log will help me be more accountable. Hearing from so many people-recipes, advice, ideas, encouragement has really helped me and has made a difference. Venting to people who are compassionate and can relate has been great for me. I have always felt somewhat alone and lonely in my journey of weight loss. Besides losing the weight, I want to lose the emotional baggage and gain peace, freedom and happiness in my life. I have always felt in turmoil with my emotions. Food has become a drug and best friend and I know that is not healthy. Starting right now, I do not want that anymore.

Last edited by Luca; 11-27-2011 at 06:44 PM..
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Old 11-28-2011, 05:35 AM   #2
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11/28
Weighed myself this morning and I am 181. No loss, no gain.
I thought I would just try to fast today but I ended up packing some chicken salad on top of some leafy greens for lunch. I also packed 2 boiled eggs in case I get hungry this morning. I am hoping to have a good day today. I have been so hungry and tired lately, I really want to make a change and keep forging ahead.
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Old 11-28-2011, 06:07 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca View Post
I am currently, 181 pounds and 5’5. I have had body image issues since I could remember (probably around the age of 8). My parents (mainly my dad) put it into my head that I was big and should excuse myself from the table while my brothers ate and I that I looked too chubby to be wearing a bathing suit at 10 years old. In my teen years he told me I would never get a boyfriend or husband because of my weight. All this led to lots of tears, depression, loneliness, and eating issues one being bingeing and purging, eating ALONE and secretively, and LOTS of different diet plans. Fast forward to 2011 and I am married with three children. I work, take graduate school courses and get stressed about the everyday things. Life has taken a toll on my body. All of the nonsense I have put myself through and the blaming of others reached a peak this past summer and I wanted to take control. My friend talked to me about her sister losing so much weight on Atkins. Well, I read the book and starting eating low carb in July. I have also been on LC Friends and found it so helpful. I started at 204 pounds and I am now 181. The sense of control and satisfaction from this WOE has been amazing. Although, I lost a nice amount of weight I would like to be 150 pounds. I would love to be this weight by the spring of 2012. The last time I was 150 pounds was in high school- I was about 160ish when I got married. I started out doing really well this summer and I was exercising but since October I have been in somewhat of a stall. I think starting this log will help me be more accountable. Hearing from so many people-recipes, advice, ideas, encouragement has really helped me and has made a difference. Venting to people who are compassionate and can relate has been great for me. I have always felt somewhat alone and lonely in my journey of weight loss. Besides losing the weight, I want to lose the emotional baggage and gain peace, freedom and happiness in my life. I have always felt in turmoil with my emotions. Food has become a drug and best friend and I know that is not healthy. Starting right now, I do not want that anymore.
Welcome to the journals forum. Good luck--you've done well so far and there's no reason why that can't continue.

I'm not entirely sure that by losing weight we can lose baggage, but it makes us feel better in the now, and that's what really matters.
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Old 11-28-2011, 10:51 AM   #4
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Thanks Green-
Do you have a journal too?
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Old 11-28-2011, 02:33 PM   #5
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Well-I am about to have dinner-eating while I am cooking-only low carb stuff but it was not on my original plan for the day. I am hungrier at dinner time ...I ate some asparagus with butter and ate some of the mini meatballs for the spinach soup I am making. I guess it's better than eating high carb food? I do not think I can exercise tonight because I had no sleep last night. Making dinner, homework is all I think I can do. I want to take my vitamins because I feel like that may help with my tiredness and my skin complexion. (that has been looking so good lately)
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Old 11-28-2011, 04:47 PM   #6
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You are doing great! How many carbs are you eating a day?
I think that if you are hungry, you have to eat the low-carb stuff until you are satisfied, so even if it was not your original plan you are doing well today! It is easier to grab premade crap- but you grabbed low carb goodness!

I hope you feel better! Eat enough to keep your energy up!
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Old 11-29-2011, 06:10 AM   #7
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11/29

Thanks psmiley,
I must admit I read your journal and was very inspired by your progress. I only hope to do as well as you have been.

Today got off to a "ehh" start. I could not figure out what to where to work because it seemed like I looked & felt "big" in everything. However, the scale read 180 today...1lb down is better than nothing? I do think I am getting a bit obsessed with the scale. Last night it felt good to stay on track. I am also noticing when I make lc sweet safe foods, that makes me crave more. It must be my sugar addiction. I am going to try and stay off any kind sweet LC recipes for a bit. I want to stay simple and plan everyday without getting into crazy recipes. And as far as exercise goes....my goal is start again by Sunday.
Still trying to muster up some energy,,,not sure where it went.
Well here is to another day..hoping it's a good one..mornings always seem so promising...
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Old 11-29-2011, 11:34 AM   #8
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well- so far so good 4 today. I am trying to stick to induction rules. I do feel dizzy today so I just had some peanut butter and hoping that helps. Someone complimented me today and said I look good, like I am "dwindling".... hmmm...far from that but it felt nice to hear a compliment. I definitely feel it's necessary to write/type out what I am feeling. It helps me stay focused.
This weekend I am going out with friends for some drinks and fun...I am hoping to feel good about myself and enjoy a few low carb drinks.

Staying focused..midday...hope the rest of the day works out as well...
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Old 11-30-2011, 05:15 AM   #9
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11/30

Today the scale read 177.5 and I am afraid to be happy about it...
I feel I could mess up at any point. My cravings have subsided and my breath stinks again so I know I am on the right track. Funny thing is I broke out so bad this past weekend and my face is starting to look better and (watch for TMI her) my bowel movement start to seem regular again. My energy is still not all there yet. I forgot to take my vitamins last night because I just fell asleep after the kids went to bed. Hoping for another successful day...

Check in later..
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Old 11-30-2011, 10:56 AM   #10
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mid-day: not feeling dizzy like yesterday and I think I am having an energy boost. I hope it lasts and I do not get sick from my kids. More importantly I hope I stick to the induction rules for a while. I needed this jump start. Seeing 177.5 was really great to see this morning.

Work related stress can definitely add to any of my anxiety to eat poorly. So far so good. Hoping for home related stress to not trigger anything when I get home either.
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Old 11-30-2011, 01:22 PM   #11
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Hi Luca,

Hang in there! You can do it!

webwoman
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Old 11-30-2011, 10:52 PM   #12
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Thanks Webwoman...I am trying...
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Old 12-01-2011, 06:04 AM   #13
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12/1

Well, today I weighed myself and I am up 2 pounds from yesterday?! I have no idea why. I did not do anything much different than the day before.
I feel a sense of frustration and dismay. Yesterday I was flying so high at 177.5 pounds and in fact, I felt that motivated me to stay on track much more than the other days. Ughh...I am going to try and not let it get me too down but I do not want to be stuck in high 170's anymore....I want to see some substantial progress...
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Old 12-02-2011, 05:41 AM   #14
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12/1

Today I am 178. I feel good about that. I feel even better that I stayed the course with my eating yesterday even though I felt disappointed. My usual, oll behavior would be get upset, and then eat anything I wanted because "it doesn't make a difference anyway". I am motivated to keep going. I did buy new jeans and a sweater. My clothes are getting big and although I wanted to wait until I lost about 10 more pounds to buy some stuff, I couldn't take it. I feel better wearing things that fit. I do want to lay off weighing in everyday because I know becoming obsessive is not great either. Here is to another good day (hopefully)....
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Old 12-02-2011, 09:30 AM   #15
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I am realizing how important it is to work on this woe and changes in my life for myself. Not my husband, friends, children or parents should interfere with that. I have a tendency to emotionally eat and then lose control and it becomes a cycle that I can't stand.

Well so far today, I am doing ok....
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Old 12-02-2011, 11:44 AM   #16
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2:40 and so hungry

Well, I just had another scoop of crunchy peanut butter and a piece of sugarless gum. I am feeling very hungry and would love to just leave work and eat a bun-less double cheeseburger from BK. I may have to after I leave work today. My lunch was not that "hardy" or satisfying and emotional triggers at work are pointing me in the wrong direction....hoping to stay the course and try to differentiate emotional eating vs. hunger....
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Old 12-02-2011, 02:50 PM   #17
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5:48

just had dinner-all was ok until I had about 5 cheeseballs-the chip carby kind...

Have to stop now or my cravings will get crazy again...I am realizing how emotions and certain foods can really trigger a binge. I need to catch myself...
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Old 12-02-2011, 06:52 PM   #18
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9:51

Not a good day...hoping that I can just fall asleep and start a new day with a different attitude. I have so much to do and so much on my mind...
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Old 12-02-2011, 07:14 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca View Post
Not a good day...hoping that I can just fall asleep and start a new day with a different attitude. I have so much to do and so much on my mind...
I have a tough time with that as well. Sometimes I believe that the next day isn't going to be any better so I wake up with this really bad attitude and the whole day is shot...self fulfilling prophecy...

Have a good night and I hope your day is better tomorrow!
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Old 12-04-2011, 04:55 AM   #20
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I hope you were able to get yourself back on track.
Peanut butter is a weakness for me...I have the tendency to lick the knife and stick it right back in for more.
I find that berries help me when I get dizzy or a cup of tea with a little honey!

You are doing great. I hope journaling helps you. It is good to look back and remember the good and bad days.
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Old 12-04-2011, 05:20 AM   #21
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Just wanted to stop by and wish you well on your journey. We share similar childhood struggles so I know how difficult it is to let go of those old recordings that manage to pop up & play in our heads even years later. Sounds like you're doing great and will continue to do so :-)
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Old 12-05-2011, 05:36 AM   #22
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12/5

hello-this morning I woke up at weighed in at 179...totally bummed out.
But not as bad as I was the other day. My weekend was off. I drank some alcohol on Saturday night and ate in the middle of the night with friends at a diner (eggs) and I had some popcorn last night. So, it may be water weight-not sure. I am hoping to have a good day today. Totally prepared with salad and eggs. It is very interesting how sensitive my body is to carbs and junk.
Thanks for the advice Psmiley-I love hearing advice from people who like you have been so successful. My weakness tends to be cheese and anything sweet tasting. In the past week I have been a bit more successful because I have cut back on those things. I LOVE cheese....


Chella Bella-thanks. It is very difficult to get to be rid of the words you have heard all your life from the people who love you the most. That said, I am completely taking ownership of my shortcomings and hoping to take control once and for all. One day at a time is my mantra...
Hope you have a good day.
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Old 12-06-2011, 05:21 AM   #23
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12/6

This morning I weighed in at 177.5. Better than yesterday and I had a feeling yesterday was water retention. I have been getting a lot of compliments lately and I think I am between the 25-30 pound loss area. I have also been wearing clothes that fit me better. It is a great feeling to wear clothes that are prettier and that are more fitted. It automatically makes me stand taller with a bit more confidence. I have to remind myself everyday that is a waaaayyy better feeling than eating tortellini alfredo or cookies. Hoping for a good day.
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Old 12-06-2011, 11:23 AM   #24
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So-it's around 2;30...no cravings but I just heard some sad news that a favorite co-worker of mine may be leaving soon....It makes me want to cry (and eat something sweet). Ugh...
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Old 12-07-2011, 04:29 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luca View Post
This morning I weighed in at 177.5. Better than yesterday and I had a feeling yesterday was water retention. I have been getting a lot of compliments lately and I think I am between the 25-30 pound loss area. I have also been wearing clothes that fit me better. It is a great feeling to wear clothes that are prettier and that are more fitted. It automatically makes me stand taller with a bit more confidence. I have to remind myself everyday that is a waaaayyy better feeling than eating tortellini alfredo or cookies. Hoping for a good day.
Congrats! It feels wonderful and is a real motivator when people notice!

Are you a coffee drinker? When I crave something sweet I get an iced coffee and put SF syrup in it and it helps me!
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Old 12-07-2011, 05:29 AM   #26
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12/7

Today I weighed in at 177.5. No change which I am ok with. I feel good except I left my coffee mug at work yesterday and couldn't stop anywhere to pick some coffee up this morning. The weather has been kind of crappy here, I feel like I have so much to do and that news I heard yesterday really bummed me out. I am definitely trying to find ways to cope with my feelings better and "self-soothe" the proper way. At one time in my life after a personal tragedy, I spoke to therapist and we talked about how I never learned how to self-soothe myself. Those are usually ways you get through difficult times/emotions and usually parents show you how or model for ways for you . Food was always my go to friend and consoled me. That is definitely where all these bad habits and weight gain happened. The yo-yo dieting to please my father vs. my bond with food and secret eating a manifested into a lifetime of poor self-esteem and poor diet. I am hoping through journaling I can work through all this and really distinguish the difference between true hunger and emotional eating. Hoping for a good day with good choices....


**Thanks for the tip Psmiley!
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Old 12-08-2011, 06:01 AM   #27
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12/8

Today I weighed in at 178.5. I am up a pound and I deserve it. I had some chocolate yesterday because I was sad and tired and felt hungry. (bad mixture) I am not going to let that get me down because the little progress I have been making is much more worth it. I am also starting to realize how sensitive I am to carbs and sugars. That off eating yesterday gave me some stomach "issues" last night. Hoping for a better day today,....
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Old 12-10-2011, 06:02 AM   #28
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12/9-12/10

Weighed both days at 177.5.
Hosting a party today for my little girl. Hoping the stress of throwing a party does not lead me to eat! I will be happy if I stay the same weight until Monday...hoping for for some self control. But I must admit- I made Muddy Buddies with her and tasted (3 pieces of cereal with her).
That should be it! I notice how a little can always turn into a lot for me-sugar is a big addiction for me...wish me luck!
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Old 12-11-2011, 04:46 PM   #29
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12/11

Weighed 180.5 today....really screwed up yesterday and today....
Feel fat, tired, depressed...
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Old 12-12-2011, 02:44 AM   #30
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Just pick yourself up and keep going. We all mess up sometimes, (((hugs)))
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