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Old 10-20-2011, 02:38 PM   #151
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Your new icon picture look great just so you know. Hope that gives you a smile.

I know what you mean about being comfortable in your own skin. I don't know if I ever will be. I have been "covered" up all my life, I never even took my shirt off at the pool when I was thin, it was just something you didn't do. It's so strange because like you, I want to look good naked, or at least shirtless, so when people tell me how fantastic I look, I just think, oh wow you have no idea because I am my worst critic. I don't know how to overcome that. I have often heard that if you are with someone who just loves the way you look, that you will then have that confidence, but I have yet to find that person, though there was someone a few months ago who really made me feel good about myself so who knows, maybe that is the key, finding that person who makes you feel perfect.
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Old 10-20-2011, 02:45 PM   #152
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Thanks, Seth. I hope we both find the key to being comfortable in our own skin.



Workout today was (took me a LONG time today):
3 uppper body segments
ab segment
3 miles w/ 3lb hand weights
stretching

Food so far:
1/2 shredded beef
1 cup broccoli cheese soup

I still have 911 calories to get in today. Maybe more soup and a shake later.
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Old 10-21-2011, 07:10 AM   #153
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That is it exactly. I lay down and my heart starts racing. Even after I have gone to sleep, I wake up with racing/palpatations.

Morning weigh-in still showing 113.8
Heather. Your mind is processing information all the time, even while you're sleeping. During the day you may be keeping yourself busy with many things but when you lay down you can't avoid but think of the problem that you haven't figured out yet and the stress hits. Then you won't sleep well since your mind is on that all night. Sometimes we wake up with a good solution to a problem that's been bothering us for a while... that's because our brain is doing the work 24/7.

As soon as you've solved the problem, you'll go back to good sleeping pattern and your heart will calm down. Exercising is very good for mood enhancement, and keeping doing something routine is helpful too right now. But I would not increase the difficult level but rather do more milder activities, like taking longer walks outside instead of doing heavy weights.
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Old 10-21-2011, 10:21 AM   #154
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Yes, Liz. That is just what I am expeiencing. I am tired and sleepy around 8 P.M. but when I lay down to sleep my heart races and I cant relax.


I am up exactly one pound today. Could be normal fluctuations, weight training I did yesterday, dairy from cream cheese or sodium in the broccoli cheese soup I ate yestserday.
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:10 AM   #155
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Hettttthhhhhher !!! Wasssup ????

Umm...where you been ?? Ummm...not on my page that is for sure.!!

I have an excuse I been gone the last 2 weeks.....haha...

So... I have thoughts on your random thoughts.....and you know what...
one day when a new partner comes along....you will have that time to be the
"new you" and let all those feelings of insecurity go...and behind you....
and let your new self out and enjoy what life is supposed to bring you....
ya never know....that guy who will make you feel as secure about your body
will be that guy...who has had issues with his own body or previously...
understands it... No worries....you are gonna get there....!!
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Old 10-23-2011, 08:59 AM   #156
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((((Jarrod))) I didnt want to clog up your page while you were gone. But I missed your smilling face! Glad you are back.
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Old 10-23-2011, 09:01 AM   #157
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Weighed in at 113.8 this morning. 3.8 pounds to goal! Today is rest day. Glad its here cause I need it!
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Old 10-23-2011, 02:35 PM   #158
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You can do it! You are almost there Heather!
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Old 10-24-2011, 06:14 AM   #159
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Thanks, seth. I kinda blew it.

I had a particularly hard day, emotionally, yesterday and ended up eating a chicken thigh and some hwc chocolate mousse at 11 last night. (On plan but still) I dont normally eat after 7 P.M. Anyway, I am up 2lbs this morning because of it. I ate for comfort. Not an excuse, its just the truth. I can NOT do that. Now I am paying for it.
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Old 10-24-2011, 11:46 AM   #160
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((((Jarrod))) I didnt want to clog up your page while you were gone. But I missed your smilling face! Glad you are back.
Haha....you are ALWAYS welcome to CLOG it up !! hahaha

Look at you ... YOU are the cutie !!!!! Looking great love the
new pic !!!


Well EATING for comfort sucks.... even if it was chicken !!
(and choc mousse)

Well get off the pity party train...and get on the TRAIN of Life
WHoooooHooooo....before it leaves you behind...!!

You are strong, beautiful and amazing !!! So KNOW that !!
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Old 10-24-2011, 12:14 PM   #161
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Aww thank you, Jarrod.

I'm on the right train now. Just had a bad day. Back on track and moving forward from here!
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Old 10-24-2011, 01:21 PM   #162
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Aww thank you, Jarrod.

I'm on the right train now. Just had a bad day. Back on track and moving forward from here!
Woooooo Whooooo....!!!!! TIme heals.... time doesnt CHANGE the
things you have had changed in your life or your heart.....

Here is what I KNOW Heather....You should be Proud of your heart..
if it has been played..stabbed...cheated...burned and broken..but some
how it still works !!

We learn that people who werent supposed to ever let us down..probably
will. You'll have your heartbroken and will break others hearts too..
you'll blame a new love for things an old love did. You'll cry because time is
flying by and eventually you'll lose someone you love..
Every second you spend angry or upset Is a second of happiness you
will never get back,,. Its all a process Heather.. You are doing all you can
and there will be good days...and bad days...or....good hours or
bad hours....best hour of all is "Happy Hour" !! haha...

Hang in there sweetie... you are doing AMAZING !!!
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Old 10-24-2011, 02:19 PM   #163
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Oh my goodness, Jarrod! You are making me cry. Thank you for your words of encouragment and for making me smile.

I have been doing a Bible study on personal self worth. I really feel like God used you today to show me that I am special. Thank you!

Sorry hope that wasnt too cheesy.
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:37 AM   #164
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Oh my goodness, Jarrod! You are making me cry. Thank you for your words of encouragment and for making me smile.

I have been doing a Bible study on personal self worth. I really feel like God used you today to show me that I am special. Thank you!

Sorry hope that wasnt too cheesy.
Whooah...wait a min... I made you cry..? and I made you smile.??
ok..im confused ?? haha...
Honey.. God always uses me...maybe not as much as I would like..
but hey none of us are perfect....ooops...did I say that...
lemme say that one more time.. "None of us are perfect"...
we never will be...and sometimes we are just not "perfect" for that
someone else....but...to God...we ARE perfect to him.
So... Keep on LOOKING at all your self-worth as a Woman..as a Mother
as a friend and a Daughter (and or sister or whatever )
and SEE all the self-worth you have... You are worth a LOT to all
of us here.....So...again... get off the Pity Train Heather...
You ROCK and you flippin know it !! You are focusing on you
and your kids...and daily life... life is too short to waste it ...

annnd...there is NO such thing as "cheesy" ....when words are here
for care and concern for others...it is all good !!

Have a GREAT day....and keep on being "you" !!!

Jarrod
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:47 AM   #165
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I'm a woman. I can laugh and cry at the same time. Lol
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Old 10-25-2011, 10:30 AM   #166
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I'm a woman. I can laugh and cry at the same time. Lol
Haha....I see !!
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Old 10-25-2011, 09:22 PM   #167
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Jarrod, we are very complex creatures, you know.

Well I had a very productive day. I spent some time getting some personal business type things organized. Bills, budget, future planning and such. I feel better about what the future might hold for the girls and I. It is sure to be uncertain but I can at least have a plan for what I CAN control. And do my best to be prepared for emergency situations too.

I had a good day regarding food as well.
Breakfast: eggs, cheese, salsa inside 1/2 a flax pita.
Lunch: Jay Robb chocolate shake
Dinner: A new recipe for my family. Linda Sue's Bacon cheeseburger skillet. All of us loved it!
Dessert: coconut bread. This was also much enjoyed!

My workout was 3 fast miles outside in the beautiful sun and cool breeze. I LOVE fall! I made it up and down all the hills and was able to breathe the entire time. All of my girls walked with me part of the time and one walked with me the whole time.

All in all, it was a good day.
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Old 10-26-2011, 12:15 PM   #168
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Workout today:Walk away the pounds today with 3lbs for the arm movements.
4 miles
Food:
B: Bacon cheeseburger skillet, 1 slice of coconut bread
L: Shake (most likely)
D: The last of the bacon cheeseburger skillet.
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Old 10-26-2011, 05:17 PM   #169
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I feel "hungry" right now but I think it is emotional hunger, not sure. I've been feeling very anxious all day. Not really about anything specific. Just a general feeling of anxiousness/panic.

I'm sure it's just that my brain is overloaded with stress and worry and uncertainty. My H still says he is going to file for divorce but hasn't made any moves forward. Also, he refuses to tell people that we are even seperated. I told him that the kids and are WILL NOT lie for him. If someone asks, we will tell them the truth. Of course, he isn't worried because I am socially retarded and avoid people. He has been avoiding his parents for 3 months. The kids keep asking me to take them over there but I do not want to have to tell them he left. His mom is going to be devistated.

He hasn't seen the kids since Sunday. He calls at 8:45 every night to say, "Goodnight, I'll call tomorrow." The girls ask why he won't come or where he is. I just don't know what to say anymore. I keep telling them that he is so busy with work and if he could be here to see them that he would. (knowing it's lie and I don't for one second believe that he is THAT busy. He SAYS he is only living 10 minutes from here.) I hate this. I hate seeing them hurt so much and I feel like nothing I can do realy helps.


Ugh, sorry, rambling.

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Old 10-27-2011, 07:37 AM   #170
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Getting dressed this morning I realized, that nothing I have fits. (except 2 pair of jeans I bought at Goodwill last weekend) I am still wearing them because I don't have anything else. But I just realized today that everything I have is too big now. My shirts are hanging off (think falling off my shoulders). My under clothes are too big, even my shoes feel too big. how the heck am I going to be able to afford to buy new......everything?
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:08 AM   #171
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Lol! You just almost made me ! !!
Well...you know.!! haha
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Old 10-27-2011, 09:56 AM   #172
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Yeah I know....lol.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:00 AM   #173
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I feel "hungry" right now but I think it is emotional hunger, not sure. I've been feeling very anxious all day. Not really about anything specific. Just a general feeling of anxiousness/panic.

I'm sure it's just that my brain is overloaded with stress and worry and uncertainty. My H still says he is going to file for divorce but hasn't made any moves forward. Also, he refuses to tell people that we are even seperated. I told him that the kids and are WILL NOT lie for him. If someone asks, we will tell them the truth. Of course, he isn't worried because I am socially retarded and avoid people. He has been avoiding his parents for 3 months. The kids keep asking me to take them over there but I do not want to have to tell them he left. His mom is going to be devistated.

He hasn't seen the kids since Sunday. He calls at 8:45 every night to say, "Goodnight, I'll call tomorrow." The girls ask why he won't come or where he is. I just don't know what to say anymore. I keep telling them that he is so busy with work and if he could be here to see them that he would. (knowing it's lie and I don't for one second believe that he is THAT busy. He SAYS he is only living 10 minutes from here.) I hate this. I hate seeing them hurt so much and I feel like nothing I can do realy helps.


Ugh, sorry, rambling.


We need to talk !!! lol.... I will be back on this later.
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:11 AM   #174
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Oh nice, keep me in suspense.....
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Old 10-27-2011, 12:38 PM   #175
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My H still says he is going to file for divorce but hasn't made any moves forward. Also, he refuses to tell people that we are even seperated. I told him that the kids and are WILL NOT lie for him.
OK...Well then YOU need to tell people....DONT make this easy or convienient
for HIM...while its hard on you and the kids !! Dont lie for him !!!!


Quote:
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Of course, he isn't worried because I am socially retarded and avoid people.
NOW we know that isnt true...!! we know you are amazing and you are
so much to all of here....you DONT avoid people....or socially retarded !!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Heheher View Post
He has been avoiding his parents for 3 months. The kids keep asking me to take them over there but I do not want to have to tell them he left. His mom is going to be devistated.
Well...take the kids over there....and well...Tell them... let them know !!!




Quote:
Originally Posted by Heheher View Post
The girls ask why he won't come or where he is. I just don't know what to say anymore. I keep telling them that he is so busy with work and if he could be here to see them that he would.
As SOON as the kids know the TRUTH..the better...they will need to process it all now..!! there is NO GOOD time to do it.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Heheher View Post
knowing it's lie and I don't for one second believe that he is THAT busy. He SAYS he is only living 10 minutes from here.) I hate this. I hate seeing them hurt so much and I feel like nothing I can do realy helps.
Ugh, sorry, rambling.
Well...again he is making himself look good...and not wanting anyone to know..
well... if he doesnt want IN...then he wants OUT...and everyone needs to
know SOONER than Later..!!

Sorry...didnt need to make you be in suspense !!! hahaa
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:23 PM   #176
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Well now it's your turn to be in suspense. I cant reply to this in depth from my phone so will have to wait until I get home around 5:30.
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Old 10-27-2011, 01:30 PM   #177
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Well now it's your turn to be in suspense. I cant reply to this in depth from my phone so will have to wait until I get home around 5:30.
haha....no hurries... I will be on the golf course til 7,....then out
watching game 6 of the world series til 10... but.. I can pull up the
site on my phone....I will read it when u have time and done.
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Old 10-27-2011, 04:32 PM   #178
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OK...Well then YOU need to tell people....DONT make this easy or convienient
for HIM...while its hard on you and the kids !! Dont lie for him !!!!
Oh, I am definitely NOT lying for him. If someone asks I WILL tell them the truth. I'm just not announcing it either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JRod View Post
NOW we know that isnt true...!! we know you are amazing and you are
so much to all of here....you DONT avoid people....or socially retarded !!
Actually, in real life, I am. I am totally scared of people. I'm a little turtle hiding in my shell where it is safe.


Quote:
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Well...take the kids over there....and well...Tell them... let them know !!!
I am really worried about how his mom is going to react. She is going to be devistated. I feel bad about that. BUT, the reason I am not going over there and telling them is because HE needs to man up and do it. He hasn't done it out of fear. Because his dad is NOT going to be happy about his behavior and he knows he will be in for a butt chewin'. I am not going to make that easy on him by sharing the news first.






Quote:
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As SOON as the kids know the TRUTH..the better...they will need to process it all now..!! there is NO GOOD time to do it.
Meaning....I should tell them about his cheating? I don't know if that is a good idea. I'm worried about how they will feel about it. My oldest knows. She overheard once. (Nosey little thing) But the younger ones don't know and I'm not entirely sure they would even understand. Plus, they hurt so much already.. Anyway I can protect them from more pain.....well....weather good or bad, I'm gonna try to protect them.

Last edited by Heheher; 10-27-2011 at 04:35 PM..
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Old 10-28-2011, 03:05 AM   #179
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Old 10-28-2011, 06:20 AM   #180
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Meaning....I should tell them about his cheating? I don't know if that is a good idea. I'm worried about how they will feel about it. My oldest knows. She overheard once. (Nosey little thing) But the younger ones don't know and I'm not entirely sure they would even understand. Plus, they hurt so much already.. Anyway I can protect them from more pain.....well....weather good or bad, I'm gonna try to protect them.
Heather

My husband divorced his wife when his two girls were 7 and 10. Today they are 27 and 30. Both have graduated from college. To this very day he never told them about their mom's cheating and affairs. He tells them that one they when he feels its time, he will tell them why things didn't work out between the two of them. He never talks bad about their mother. Its one of the qualities I admired in him when we were dating.

He also divorced, and remarried their mom. Married to her twice, nothing changed. The second time was the same old song, with a different verse. She still cheated, and still had affairs. So he divorced her once again, and never looked back.

I think your wise in protecting your children. Wishing you the best.
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