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Old 04-29-2014, 05:40 AM   #1921
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I. Hate. The. Scale. :-/ It said 216 something this morning!

Drove to the gym & didn't go in...there was a sh*t-ton of cars in the parking lot, and I got irritated and didn't want to be around anybody.

I really have a mental "roadblock" when it comes to this gym thing. It's not even really about people looking at me anymore -- it's moreso that I get irritated b/c I don't like people near me when I'm working out. My anxiety is really screwing with me in this area, and I don't know why. Obviously I can handle being around people in general b/c I go to work Monday-Friday, so what is it about the gym??? F*ck. Excuse my language, but I really just need to get some of this out somewhere.

I've noticed the supplements do help me with overall mood, but not so much with anxiety issues. I probably need to eat more fruit/veggies...I don't know. Hmmm...
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Old 04-29-2014, 08:35 AM   #1922
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I'm sorry the scale didn't give you something good today

Be kind to yourself, love.

Have you thought about taking a low dose med for anxiety? Just something that would take that edge off so you could accomplish the things that you really desire? Just want the best for you, chicky. Take care of you!
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Old 04-29-2014, 09:05 AM   #1923
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I'm sorry the scale didn't give you something good today

Be kind to yourself, love.

Have you thought about taking a low dose med for anxiety? Just something that would take that edge off so you could accomplish the things that you really desire? Just want the best for you, chicky. Take care of you!
Hey, Dani -- thanks for commenting. It helps to know that people listen to me here. Even if people can't relate to what I'm feeling, at least I have a way of venting, which helps b/c I tend to keep bad things inside until they all "pile up," in a sense.

I've considered it, yes. I tried Paxil last year, which made me feel like a zombie. Threw it all in the trash. I was prescribed Celexa by my doctor's nurse practitioner a few months back: that was my 1st time seeing her, btw, and I was on TOM, emotional, and frustrated that no one seems to have definitive answers regarding my dizziness, marked fatigue, nausea, jaw pain, etc. I felt irked that she so readily prescribed the Celexa b/c she tried to write it off as being depression symptoms (Um, why would depression give me nausea, jaw pain, and make me feel like I'm going to pass out sometimes?). I researched Celexa & decided I'm unwilling to take medicine that can drastically affect my libido. Yep, I said it...LOL. I'm not willing to sacrifice that if I can help it.

I'm going to do some journaling today on my lunch break -- I am working on gathering my thoughts and formulating a plan of action for furthering my health & well-being.

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Old 04-29-2014, 09:26 AM   #1924
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Hey Jayce! Thought I'd pop in and add that I take Doxepin for anxiety. It's the generic form of a drug called Sinequan. It's not as readily prescribed by doctors because it's an older medication, but I take it because it works well for me and the only side effect it has is dry mouth. The only drawback I think for you would be that it's an antihistamine, so you couldn't take regular allergy medications with it. Might be worth mentioning to your doctor though, if you wanted to try it out! My mom and brother who also have anxiety take the same thing.
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Old 04-29-2014, 01:21 PM   #1925
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Thanks for the suggestion...I appreciate the info.

Well, I have binged today. I feel too full & uncomfortable as I type this, but even this is part of the learning process. I'm going to focus on my feelings right now & how this either moves me toward or away from self-defined goals...when I am tempted to binge due to fatigue, stress, or "low" moods, remembering how I inevitably feel afterwards might be more helpful than just telling myself I "shouldn't" do this. It's almost like I rebel against that darn "should" sometimes...
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Old 04-30-2014, 08:06 AM   #1926
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Keep on journaling chicky! All of it---the good, the bad, and the ugly. I know for me sometimes it gets hard to write down the icky stuff but after some time passes and I go back to read I am always so thankful I did it. It's so therapeutic for me to write and release. You're a smart cookie, you'll figure things out!
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:45 PM   #1927
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Thanks, Danielle...as usual, I feel like you're in my brain sometimes (but not in a creepy pod-person type way...hehe).

Read some snippets of 2 books on my Kindle...interested in the idea of intuitive eating and tying it into my life.

Anyways, will post more tomorrow! So glad this work day is just about over.
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Old 05-01-2014, 01:54 PM   #1928
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Aw, I like the pod-person idea

I think you are going to find a huge release in the idea of IE. I can't even begin to tell you how good it feels. I was starting to experience such huge anxiety at all hours of the day over dieting, I finally had to say, enough already. I'm excited to hear your thoughts on things once you have had a chance to read and formulate some ideas on it. Good stuff, you won't be disappointed.

With that being said, I truly believe that this experience is one of such huge personal choice...even moreso than dieting as a whole. IE doesn't seem to fit the norm of daily living in a world filled with thousands of diets and millions of people on a quest for that perfect "bod". Be confident in your choices and know that they are yours and yours alone. Have faith in your process! Got'cho' back, girlfriend.
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Old 05-02-2014, 08:54 AM   #1929
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Hiya Honey~ I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. Please please be kind to yourself. Feed yourself good things to eat. Healthy, feel good things. Stretch, yawn, relax. Look into IE. I am. It' interesting and guilt free.

Thinking of you!
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Old 05-08-2014, 01:37 PM   #1930
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'Sup...

Don't have much to share at the moment, but wanted to pop my head in.

Will try to post tomorrow! Thanks Dani & Blonde for stopping by! Lotsa virtual hugs.
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Old 05-09-2014, 08:13 AM   #1931
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Hugging you back!

Have a nice weekend. Treat yourself to something wonderful a movie, a new book, a pedicure...get a shampoo and a blowout or some really yummy coffee beans.
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Old 05-09-2014, 08:27 AM   #1932
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Have a great weekend, doll! Any news on your move?
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Old 05-14-2014, 01:10 PM   #1933
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Hi, ladies! I haven't had much to say lately, so that's why I've been quiet. I'm having lovely cramps right now (yippee). Not sure where I stand on the scale, and I don't think I'm going to brave it till after TOM has come & gone.

Dani, we're driving to NJ the last weekend of May to view more places -- we've got to find one then, or we're in hot water. Lol. My last day at work is June 25th, and I need to know which area we're moving to in order to narrow down my job applications. I don't want to be as far as I commute currently b/c my bf will be out on a boat sometimes, and I'd like to be a closer distance to the kids.

Blonde, I had a nice weekend -- thank you! How was yours? Happy belated Mother's Day to y'all!

How's everything w/ you lovelies?

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Old 05-15-2014, 09:05 AM   #1934
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Hi Sweatpea! Miss you!!

So the kiddos are moving with their mom to NJ too? I think it's wonderful that you are so active in their lives. What a gift!
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:46 PM   #1935
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Hi Sweatpea! Miss you!!

So the kiddos are moving with their mom to NJ too? I think it's wonderful that you are so active in their lives. What a gift!
Hey lady,

Their mom is overseas until November (there for a year), so the kids live with us full-time. She hasn't decided what she's doing when her contract's up, so we have no clue where she'll be going as of now.

I'm kinda nervous about it being just me & them for the weeks that my bf's on the boat, but I'm just trusting it'll work out somehow. Trial by fire, I guess. Lol.
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Old 05-16-2014, 06:53 AM   #1936
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Morning Lovely! Life is getting exciting over there where you are! You'll be great, life is all about change... (don't listen to me I hate change) but I'm being positive!!

Enjoy your weekend!!
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Old 05-16-2014, 07:52 AM   #1937
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Oh my! I didn't realize the kiddos were with you guys full time. Well girl, that's amazing on your part.

Have a great weekend, doll. Any fun plans?
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Old 05-17-2014, 05:31 PM   #1938
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Hi Jayce! I've been struggling the past month with staying on the healthy track, but today I'm brushing myself off and getting back on the horse! Just wanted to stop by and catch up with ya....Hugs to you, and hope you're having a great weekend!
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Old 05-21-2014, 05:23 AM   #1939
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Blonde, it's funny b/c I used to move a lot due to my father's job, so I got in the habit of wanting to "start over" at new places, whether it was moving or starting a new job, etc. I'm not gonna lie -- I'm nervous about the upcoming move to NJ b/c I have no family & no friends up there, but I also don't want to make the decision not to go solely based on fear.

Dani, Yep -- they've been with us full-time since early November. I moved in w/ my bf at the end of October, so it all happened right around the same time. It's been a huge learning experience, and I'm still adjusting to not having the relationship we did in the beginning (he had kids every other week then). Sometimes I feel like a bad person b/c I just want to be alone & have peace/quiet. I guess this is normal, though...? Feel free to chime in w/ any advice, moms!! Lol.

Last weekend was good, but busy...definitely could've used an extra day. Thank goodness we'll get one this weekend. My bf turned 31 last Saturday, so I treated the family to breakfast at Cracker Barrel, then we had a 7-year-old's bday party to attend, and then we had dinner with some of bf's friends/family. We'd talked about going out afterwards, but both of us were tired, so we stayed home & were in bed by 10. Smh. I swear I feel older than my age sometimes!

Lisa, hey there! Glad to see your face, lady. I've been struggling myself, as you can probably tell from earlier journal entries. I decided to stop "checking out" mentally while grabbing food that I know is bad for me. Work has been stressing me out, but I need to remember that I'm leaving in a month, and just try to focus on myself & not worry about other people showing up late & calling off due to hangovers, not answering the phone or emails, etc. If they don't want to work, then I can't change that -- I just need to stay in my little bubble & try to be happy. I am SUCH an emotional eater!

I finally stepped on the scale Monday & saw what I knew I would -- it was 220.6, I believe. Yesterday was 219, & today said 216, then 215.8 twice (yes, I usually weigh 2-3x's to verify the number...lol). I drank a lot of water yesterday & only ate around 1000 calories, but that's b/c my tummy started hurting really bad for no reason while at work.

I want to get back down to 212.6, which was my recent low. I know I'm not that far away & that I can do it. I gotta get refocused, ladies.

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Old 05-21-2014, 07:13 AM   #1940
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Hey girl. im back... i've been struggling too... as they say "the struggle is real" never heard more truth spoken.

we'll have to really be good to ourselves. this is so much more than just about the weight, its about how we feel about ourselves. I'm ready to take back my life and stop beating myself up. Looking in the mirror and not liking what i see.
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Old 05-21-2014, 09:40 AM   #1941
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Hey girl. im back... i've been struggling too... as they say "the struggle is real" never heard more truth spoken.

we'll have to really be good to ourselves. this is so much more than just about the weight, its about how we feel about ourselves. I'm ready to take back my life and stop beating myself up. Looking in the mirror and not liking what i see.
I highlighted above because I like how you phrased it as "being good to ourselves." That mentality right there is exactly what's needed -- viewing healthier choices as being good to our bodies & our mental/emotional well-being. It's no secret that when I eat junk food for a steady period of time that I start feeling even more lethargic & bloated...it lacks the nutrients to keep me going! I see nothing wrong with having treats; however, when those things become the bulk of your eating, then lawdhavemercy, it's downhill from there (at least for me).

I'm back to tracking online b/c it's not hard & it works. I am still working on shifting over to more whole foods...packaged items are my kryptonite!
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Old 05-22-2014, 03:42 AM   #1942
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Hey Jayce when you move to Jersey maybe I will get to see you!!!! Being a step parent is tough, just try to always think of the kids and what they are feeling with their Mom away and then Dad, it is a tough job! One think it will give you guys a good chance to really bond!!!!!!

Struggle struggle toil and trouble!!! Tell me about it!
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Old 05-28-2014, 09:16 AM   #1943
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Hey Jayce when you move to Jersey maybe I will get to see you!!!! Being a step parent is tough, just try to always think of the kids and what they are feeling with their Mom away and then Dad, it is a tough job! One thing it will give you guys a good chance to really bond!!!!!!

Struggle struggle toil and trouble!!! Tell me about it!
Hey Amber, thought I'd responded to you already...smh. I'm losing my mind, I swear.

That would be nice to meet up one day! I don't think we'll be that far from PA itself.

Yes, it is a tough situation sometimes...I'm getting nervous thinking about it being just me & them when he goes on the boat. Oh well...we shall see.

Well, I weighed a few days ago -- it was at 217 something. I haven't been making great choices, or I've been having stomach issues. I don't know if I'm developing some lactose intolerance or if it's stress-related, but my tummy has not been happy. Experiencing pain right now, but I've only eaten some Chick'n Minis from Chick-fil-A this morning & had coffee. It could be Splenda bothering me...not sure.

Feeling *blah* today in general.
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Old 05-28-2014, 11:25 AM   #1944
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My stomach is effed today...ugh! Didn't eat lunch b/c I was having horrible cramps & rumblings. It's oh-so-awesome to have an upset stomach in an office that has 1 bathroom stall for 4 women. :-/

I'm counting down the hours till I can go home.
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Old 05-28-2014, 11:55 AM   #1945
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I'm sorry you're not feeling well Any chance you can go home to rest?
Don't let this persist too long before going to get checked out by the doc!
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Old 05-28-2014, 01:44 PM   #1946
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I'm sorry you're not feeling well Any chance you can go home to rest?
Don't let this persist too long before going to get checked out by the doc!
Hi, Danielle. Thanks for stopping by, friend!

I'm feeling better now, so I ate some Toast Chee crackers I had in my purse. I'm not sure what's going on, but I should probably pay closer attention to how I feel after I eat certain things. I think I'm going to nix the coffee and try doing green hot tea in the mornings instead. If I get a peach or fruit flavored one, then I think I can handle not using Splenda. I tend to use way too much Splenda at one time, so I have a feeling that's part of my issue.

Hope you're having a good Wednesday over there!
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Old 05-28-2014, 03:29 PM   #1947
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Hey Jayce! Nothin' like an upset stomach to make the work day go that much slower, eh? Glad you're feeling better! I I like drinking mint tea while at work, because it tends to keep the tummy grumbles away...it's the only tea that I don't feel the need to add sweetener. Maybe try that?
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Old 05-29-2014, 06:04 AM   #1948
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Thanks, Lisa. I may pick up some mint tea...I'm drinking apple cinnamon hot tea at the moment with stevia. Stevia has such an aftertaste, but I added less than I normally would when using Splenda.
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Old 05-29-2014, 08:58 AM   #1949
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Was 216.6 this morning, so I'm using that as my "readjustment" point. My Mini-Goal is still 211.8 b/c that's the lowest in recent years (summer of 2012, to be exact). After that, I'm on a mission to break past the 210's and beyond!

Packed my lunch & snacks, so I'm on track today so far. Trying to make myself drink water so I won't snack mindlessly at my desk!

Tomorrow the bf & I drive to NJ again to view more homes. We have an appt. with a realtor, so keep your fingers crossed that it works out this time! We're looking to rent since we don't plan on staying in NJ after his 3 year commitment ends. He owns a house here in VA, for which he already has a renter secured.

We had a long talk yesterday about several "serious" issues b/c I've been stressing, and I feel way better today. I tend to stew on things and sometimes it seems I can't turn my darn mind off. LOL!

Finished a book called Red Rising, which was pretty good. Dani, you'd probably like it since it's like the same genre as Hunger Games. I actually think I'm going to revisit my Chris Powell book on my Kindle b/c I can use some moral support and "get up & go"...hehe...

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Old 05-31-2014, 10:24 AM   #1950
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Coming by with hugs!!
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