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Old 06-26-2013, 07:20 AM   #1261
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Originally Posted by lexiann21 View Post
I'm saying this assuming you were good and packed last night... How'd the packing go???
I did pack some stuff! I probably could've done more, but got tired around 9:30 and went to bed by 10.

I have a couple boxes to drop off at a thrift store -- getting rid of some home decor stuff & dishes that I don't care about anymore. I need to do several loads of laundry tonight because I'm sorting clothes as well (what to keep, put in storage, donate). Tonight I plan on getting the rest of the stuff out of the cupboards (pots, pans, etc.) and going through more clothes. Will probably start sorting bathroom stuff like beauty products (I have a lot).

I am stopping by my bf's house before heading home b/c all my food is over there, which I didn't even think about till I got up this morning & I had no way to pack my lunch or snacks. Also forgot to take my birth control pill last night...oy vey. LOL!

I've decided I need to get stricter with myself next month (aside from July 4th and July 24th, my bday). For July, I am going to eliminate Splenda/artificial sweeteners and fast foods. Yes, I'm sure I will have a fast food item at some point in the future, but this is next month's challenge for myself...I've never tried it before, so I want to see how strong I can be! I also need to work on doing more exercise...going to do some research and thinking before formulating my plan. Will keep y'all posted!
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:18 AM   #1262
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayce View Post

I've decided I need to get stricter with myself next month (aside from July 4th and July 24th, my bday). For July, I am going to eliminate Splenda/artificial sweeteners and fast foods. Yes, I'm sure I will have a fast food item at some point in the future, but this is next month's challenge for myself...I've never tried it before, so I want to see how strong I can be! I also need to work on doing more exercise...going to do some research and thinking before formulating my plan. Will keep y'all posted!
That is a noble goal and I personally think a very good one! I've recently stopped having coffee creamer (sugar free, flavored) in my coffe and have cut back form three cups in the morning to one (out of sheer disinterest in black coffee). I think anywhere we can eliminate non-food chemicals is good.

Hope you have great day! Thanks for the love.
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Old 06-26-2013, 08:46 AM   #1263
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That is a noble goal and I personally think a very good one! I've recently stopped having coffee creamer (sugar free, flavored) in my coffe and have cut back from three cups in the morning to one (out of sheer disinterest in black coffee). I think anywhere we can eliminate non-food chemicals is good.

Hope you have great day! Thanks for the love.
Thanks for the feedback, Blonde. I usually use flavored creamers at work in my coffee (and I've been using Torani SF hazelnut flavoring lately, too), so it'll be a big change for me to eliminate these. I think I'm going to bring my own little carton of half & half to leave in the work fridge...lol. I've gotta go to Trader Joe's or the Vitamin Shoppe to pick up some liquid stevia -- keeping my fingers crossed that it tastes better to me this time around! I agree that the more I can cut additives out, then the better I will do and/or feel. It's all a work in progress!

Lots of back atcha!
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Old 06-27-2013, 05:08 AM   #1264
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Hey Jayce, I agree too it is a very doable goal! Hopefully you got some more packing done...it will be over soon.
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Old 06-27-2013, 06:47 AM   #1265
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Good morning.

Well, I have decided that I'm going to seek counseling. I saw someone for a short time back in 2011, and I liked her but stopped going due to cost. I am having increased instances of feeling disconnected from the world around me, and I am somewhat "numb." The best way I can describe it is that I almost feel like a robot. I can be driving home from work and look around at all the cars, and I think, "What's the point of all this? I have nothing in common with these people. I'm just going through the motions." It is starting to freak me out. I guess my depression is surfacing again, and I need to take action b/c it's not going to go away. I thought I was doing better, but it seems like something I will need to address at different times of my life. :-/

I've contacted my health insurance company to verify coverage and co-pays, and I've found a well-rated psychiatrist. I've also contacted the place where I used to go b/c I liked that person, but I don't think they take my insurance. They did a sliding scale back then, so I still may be able to go. We'll see.

I'm frustrated and down. Not much more to say at the moment. I'm worried this is going to push me away from everything, especially my boyfriend.

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Old 06-27-2013, 08:47 AM   #1266
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i'm sorry that life has got you down. the first step is getting help, i see nothing wrong with that at all. you've got a lot of stress right now with your move and what not so that probably isn't helping. Just take a step back and breathe and trust that every thing will be OK.
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Old 06-27-2013, 09:25 AM   #1267
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i'm sorry that life has got you down. the first step is getting help, i see nothing wrong with that at all. you've got a lot of stress right now with your move and what not so that probably isn't helping. Just take a step back and breathe and trust that every thing will be OK.
It's kinda weird b/c it's not like anything major has "happened" to set this off, per se, but I just start feeling pretty detached from everything. It comes and goes, but I've noticed it happening lately.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 06-27-2013, 09:48 AM   #1268
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Sending much love and hugs to you. All of this doesn't have to push you away from your boyfriend. Talk to him and share with him what's going on, not with the expectation that he's going to "get it", but more to share what's going on and ask him to try and understand and be patient as you work through all of this. Wonderful news that you're going to see someone! have you considered meds? Remember, if it's not anything you can pinpoint happening in life, it could be something as simple as a chemical imbalance. Do what feels right, of course, but chin up, chicky. We are all here for you too.
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Old 06-27-2013, 10:01 AM   #1269
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Seeking help is incredibly HEALTHY. If you have a chemical imbalance, you don't need a trigger event to feel depressed. I agree with Dani, talk to your boyfriend, let him now what's going on and ask for patience, tell him what you need from him. Distancing yourself from people you love is not good for you. I hope you find someone fabulous to talk with!
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Old 06-27-2013, 10:21 AM   #1270
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jayce View Post
It's kinda weird b/c it's not like anything major has "happened" to set this off, per se, but I just start feeling pretty detached from everything. It comes and goes, but I've noticed it happening lately.

Thanks for listening.
Any time!!!
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Old 06-27-2013, 01:19 PM   #1271
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Well, I didn't really see any psychiatrists in my network that had good reviews from patients (I usually look at Healthgrades or Vitals), so I found a licensed counselor that I'm trying to get in with. I'd tried another one, but she's not accepting any patients at the time b/c she's so backed up. I also can't get in with the person I saw in 2011 b/c she doesn't do outpatient counseling anymore. I was uber-frustrated! I will keep trying, though.

Admission: I got in my car on my lunch break and drove to a nearby boat launch. I cried for about 10 minutes straight. I took my blood pressure pill afterwards b/c it can help with anxiety sometimes, and then I ate. I did feel a little better.

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Old 06-28-2013, 04:56 AM   #1272
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Ok, so I actually got a lot done last night in about 2.5 hours. I started packing away all my beauty products/makeup I want to keep and will be giving away others (sometimes my mom & sister like going through that stuff). Packed away some clothes...lots of sorting. Believe it or not, I'm throwing away lots of clothes. Due to having a long-haired cat before, I keep finding stuff with long white hair on it, and it's just too much bother to try and get all of it off -- especially black clothes! I don't have the time or patience, and from past experience, there will still be hair on stuff even after washing. I decided to just chuck that stuff -- less stress that way!

Will drop off some stuff at the thrift store this evening, and I've arranged for the city to come pick up my dresser from the curb. I decided I'm not attached to it, and I'd have to find someone with a truck to move it to my bf's shed, so it can go bye-bye. I had gotten it from a thrift store anyways, so no loss money-wise.

Waiting to hear back from the place about scheduling an appt with the therapist I requested...I'm ready to start working on this. I'm working on my mentality towards the whole thing...I've always kind of kept stuff to myself and dealt with things on my own, but I think I need to work through that and realize that accepting help at times doesn't "invalidate" me as a person. Likewise, as my sister said, having depression or anxiety doesn't have to define me -- it's just a facet that I must begin to understand and treat.

Picking up my key to the condo tonight -- I'm renting a furnished bedroom & private bathroom, but I will have full access to the kitchen, washer/dryer, living room, etc. I will also have my own parking space in a coveted area of Norfolk, so I think it will be a good thing! Planning on hitting up Zumba class next week, since it'll be down the road and I can then shower immediately afterwards at my new place. I'm also planning on meeting up with a couple of trainers to see what I think of them...one of them said she has installment plans, so I'll be interested to see how much the payments are.

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Old 06-28-2013, 07:03 AM   #1273
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Sweetie you sure have your hands full right now! It's really good that you are focusing on all aspects of your health.
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Old 06-28-2013, 07:24 AM   #1274
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Sweetie you sure have your hands full right now! It's really good that you are focusing on all aspects of your health.
Ditto, I couldn't have said it better. Working in the mental health field, I know that everything can appear to be going well and you can still have depression/anxiety if it's a chemical imbalance. It's great that you are seeking help, just having someone to talk to about anything w/o feeling they are judging you is sometimes what's needed. They can also point out areas/factors that are going on now or have happened in the past that are affecting you day to day, that you don't notice or have just adjusted to it but sometimes these 'roadblocks' have to be dealt with before moving on.

I hope you have a successful move, it sounds like the place you're going is well worth the packing/moving headache. Most of all hun, take care of yourself.
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Old 06-28-2013, 08:06 AM   #1275
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reading your last two posts, i feel like you've already turned the page and begun you're new journey to getting your mind healthy again too. Maybe like you can exhale just a little?
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Old 07-01-2013, 12:40 PM   #1276
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Ok, so I found my way to a blog written by a guy named James Clear, and the following statements struck a chord with me:

Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity.
What you do now is a reflection of the type of person that you believe
that you are (either consciously or subconsciously). To change your
behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself.
[...]

The interior of behavior change and building better habits is your identity. Each action you perform is driven by the fundamental belief
that it is possible. So if you change your identity (the type of person that you believe that you are), then it's easier to change your actions.
The reason why it's so hard to stick to new habits is that we often try to achieve
a performance or appearance-based goal without changing our identity. Most
of the time we try to achieve results before proving to ourselves that we have
the identity of the type of person we want to become. It should be the other way
around.

It's only natural to want the best information for our bodies, but when the
details get in the way of the fundamentals, when planning becomes a form of
procrastination, it's no longer beneficial to obsess over finding the best
information.
If you find yourself getting sucked into a debate about fitness or spiraling down
the rabbit hole of research, then here’s the best thing to do: implement the
answers you already have.
Most of the time we have 90% of the answers we need, but waste half of our
lives searching for the last 10%. You're already filled with information that
could benefit you, if you consistently acted on it. Learning is the easy part, it's
the application that's hard.
You don’t need more motivation or a better plan, you simply need to act on
what you already know. If you wait for perfect conditions, then you’ll never get
anything done.

Light-frickin'-bulb!

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Old 07-02-2013, 05:13 AM   #1277
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Wow, Thanks for sharing! Hope all is well
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Old 07-02-2013, 06:30 AM   #1278
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Good morning Jamie!
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Old 07-02-2013, 07:26 AM   #1279
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Sweetie you sure have your hands full right now! It's really good that you are focusing on all aspects of your health.
Hello, Ms. Blonde! I am definitely glad to have the majority of the move behind me -- I still have a few things to bring over from my bf's, but I'm doing it on my terms/timetable. I will give myself this week to unpack & sort things, but I'm not going to stress out over it.

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Ditto, I couldn't have said it better. Working in the mental health field, I know that everything can appear to be going well and you can still have depression/anxiety if it's a chemical imbalance. It's great that you are seeking help, just having someone to talk to about anything w/o feeling they are judging you is sometimes what's needed. They can also point out areas/factors that are going on now or have happened in the past that are affecting you day to day, that you don't notice or have just adjusted to it but sometimes these 'roadblocks' have to be dealt with before moving on.

I hope you have a successful move, it sounds like the place you're going is well worth the packing/moving headache. Most of all hun, take care of yourself.
Thanks for your feedback, Shari! I know that I have tried working through some things in my past, but I know that there is still some healing that needs to happen. I got so used to pushing things down and not thinking about them until those memories/thoughts started resurfacing as depression & anxiety. I guess that the body's way of saying, "Hey -- pay attention to me!"

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Reading your last two posts, i feel like you've already turned the page and begun your new journey to getting your mind healthy again too. Maybe like you can exhale just a little?
I think I woke up with a better attitude the next day...it waxes & wanes. I am working on having more better days than bad ones!

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Wow, Thanks for sharing! Hope all is well
Yes, I thought it was a simply stated, yet powerful article. I especially liked the part where he says oftentimes we focus on appearance or performance-based results, but we haven't changed the inside yet. That makes a lot of sense to me. I am doing well, for the most part. How are things with you?

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Good morning Jamie!
Good morning, Lexi! I am so ready for July 4th...lol.

Not sure what I weigh right now, but I will look tomorrow. I am ready to buckle down now that I've moved. I even had soda over the weekend, which I never drink anymore. They aren't that great...lol. I'm going to the gym after work, and I'm committing to exercising at least 3 times this week. As my previous post stated, I need to focus on the fundamentals & act consistently on them. That will take me pretty far once I get my momentum going.

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Old 07-02-2013, 08:11 AM   #1280
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I am glad that your move went well. It sounds like you are going in a positive new direction. You are a very strong person, Jayce.
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Old 07-02-2013, 08:55 AM   #1281
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Sheesh, I missed alot in here..how did that happen!

So glad the move went well and you feel comfy in your new place. It sounds like you are well on your way to a better "everything"..
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Old 07-02-2013, 12:11 PM   #1282
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Recommit!! That first workout is the hardest to get to, but once you go back its just easier and easier (mentally i mean) physically you should always get your butt kicked. if it aint hard it aint gonna work lol
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Old 07-03-2013, 05:32 AM   #1283
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I am glad that your move went well. It sounds like you are going in a positive new direction. You are a very strong person, Jayce.
Hi, Gail! I've seen you post in Amber's journal -- thanks for stopping by. Yes, overall, the move wasn't bad. I gave away a lot of stuff, so that made me feel "lighter," if that makes sense. I've moved a lot & schlepped stuff to each new place, but after taking time to sort things, I realized that I don't have an emotional attachment to most of it.

Thank you for your words...sometimes I feel strong, and others I feel like Jell-O. LOL!

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Sheesh, I missed alot in here..how did that happen!

So glad the move went well and you feel comfy in your new place. It sounds like you are well on your way to a better "everything"..
Good morning, Dani! S'ok...I miss posts in people's journals too sometimes. I am feeling like I made the right decision to move, and I'm glad I waited until I found a place that felt just right.

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Recommit!! That first workout is the hardest to get to, but once you go back its just easier and easier (mentally i mean) physically you should always get your butt kicked. if it aint hard it aint gonna work lol
Hey Lexi! I went last night -- I seriously considered skipping it & driving home to take a nap b/c I was tired, but I made myself go to the gym instead. I surprised myself b/c I did three 2 minute running intervals, and even one 3 minute running interval. That's the best I've done so far! I was going to do a C25K workout, but decided that I'd just run as long as I felt good doing so. I felt like I accomplished something. Maybe I've got a runner deep down in me, after all!

Well, last night my bf came with me to my old place & he moved my boxspring/mattress out to the curb for pick-up. My landlord actually wanted to keep my dresser & side table, so I was happy that someone could get use out of it rather than going to the dump. I got my full $400 deposit back, so I must've done a good job cleaning. That made my night.

My bf suggested we stop by my mom's house (my sister & brother-in-law live with her until they move next month), so we stayed about an hour talking to them. I think it made my mom happy -- she gave my bf a hug.

Tonight we've got tickets to go the Norfolk Tides' baseball game (minor league team), and they're supposed to have fireworks. Hopefully the weather cooperates! I packed my lunch & snacks today b/c I hadn't done it the last few days, so I'm buckling down again. I noticed that the fast food I've bought the last 2 days hasn't tasted very good to me, aside from the french fries b/c I love fries (lol). Yes, I already failed on my goal not to eat fast food in July...pretty irritated w/ myself, but I'll keep trying to make better choices.

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Old 07-03-2013, 06:37 AM   #1284
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Hey Lexi! I went last night -- I seriously considered skipping it & driving home to take a nap b/c I was tired, but I made myself go to the gym instead. I surprised myself b/c I did three 2 minute running intervals, and even one 3 minute running interval. That's the best I've done so far! I was going to do a C25K workout, but decided that I'd just run as long as I felt good doing so. I felt like I accomplished something. Maybe I've got a runner deep down in me, after all!

Well, last night my bf came with me to my old place & he moved my boxspring/mattress out to the curb for pick-up. My landlord actually wanted to keep my dresser & side table, so I was happy that someone could get use out of it rather than going to the dump. I got my full $400 deposit back, so I must've done a good job cleaning. That made my night.

My bf suggested we stop by my mom's house (my sister & brother-in-law live with her until they move next month), so we stayed about an hour talking to them. I think it made my mom happy -- she gave my bf a hug.

Tonight we've got tickets to go the Norfolk Tides' baseball game (minor league team), and they're supposed to have fireworks. Hopefully the weather cooperates! I packed my lunch & snacks today b/c I hadn't done it the last few days, so I'm buckling down again. I noticed that the fast food I've bought the last 2 days hasn't tasted very good to me, aside from the french fries b/c I love fries (lol). Yes, I already failed on my goal not to eat fast food in July...pretty irritated w/ myself, but I'll keep trying to make better choices.
proud of you that you went even though you didnt want to, i bet you felt alot better after you did too!

thats sweet about your b/f and you're family, that means alot that he wants to spend time with them!

Hey were going to a Lincoln saltdogs game tomorrow night (also minor league) they'll have fireworks so we're taking the kids. Although we discovered last night that our son is scared of them lol.
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Old 07-03-2013, 06:51 AM   #1285
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Hello sunshine! About the fast food...do you limit the type you eat? It's hard not to get take-out once in a while, it's so darn convenient. When I do, I order ala carte, never the 'meal' and I limit myself (like I rarely have french fries).

Glad you found the right place!
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Old 07-03-2013, 01:21 PM   #1286
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Hey lady, don't be too hard on yourself, it's a journey. We wouldn't be here if we stayed perfect and never ate off plan. The main thing I now call success if getting over it, getting back on plan and continuing on vs. throwing in the towel. You're doing that! Hope the weather holds for your game tonight.
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Old 07-05-2013, 12:40 PM   #1287
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Good afternoon, folks! It's been super quiet here at work today -- I would love to work somewhere that had today off, but at least I got yesterday off (which I didn't at my last job...we even had to work half days on Thanksgiving!).

The holiday was nice & laid-back, and I spent it with my boyfriend & family. It only rained for about 10-15 minutes Wednesday night, but after that, the weather cooperated for the ball game. Our team won 13-0...talk about a blow-out! The fireworks were nice...we left before they were over so that we wouldn't get stuck in traffic leaving.

Not much news, but I will be hitting the gym after work. I need to remember to charge my mp3 player b/c I have no music (sad face), which means I have to watch the inane crap that's usually playing on the gym TV's...like Jerry Springer. Lol.

Last edited by Jayce; 07-05-2013 at 12:42 PM..
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Old 07-05-2013, 04:54 PM   #1288
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JG!!!! Hey sis!
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Old 07-08-2013, 07:34 AM   #1289
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dedicated View Post
JG!!!! Hey sis!
Heyyyyyyy, boo! Good to see your face in here.

Well, this past weekend, I was all confused b/c of being off Thursday -- I kept thinking Saturday was Sunday. LOL. Overall, I enjoyed my days off. For some reason, I slept most of yesterday -- not sure why b/c I slept fine the night before.

Tried Blue Moon Agave Nectar ale this weekend --Blech! The regular Blue Moon is so much better. I couldn't even finish the one I cracked open yesterday. I will probably give up beer again and just go with vodka or rum instead.

Forgot to mention I had my ob/gyn ultrasound last week, and they didn't find anything wrong, so that's good news. Not sure why I was having that terrible pain, so that's kind of frustrating, but I am glad I don't have cysts.
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Old 07-08-2013, 07:43 AM   #1290
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Start Date: March 2013
Hi! happy monday! glad to read you had a good 4th!
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