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-   -   Losing baggage (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/weight-loss-journals/731362-losing-baggage.html)

bacon bit 08-12-2011 07:18 PM

Losing baggage
 
OK.

My turn.

I'm having a hard time lately with emotions and my weight-for some reason they are fighting one another a LOT. I realize this happens for a lot of people. I just haven't felt this in a long time. I think I'm experiencing a temporary drag. My hope is that this will help me get the emotional part of it out of me-take off some of that baggage, so that I can move forward with losing all of the physical baggage I lug around.

I'm not sure what my highest weight is. PCOS popped up after my second child was born. I was on major amounts of steroids, and I know that weight is different. 180 can look like 250...or maybe I really was 250...no idea! Anyway, I started Atkins Induction when I learned LC could help people with PCOS. My goal was to get pregnant. Four months later, I was! I maintained my loss until I got PPD after my fourth child. I was taking Paxil and b/c pills at the same time. I think it just threw me out of whack. I gained maybe 20-25 pounds from the meds-I was still in maintenance. I just had to get to that mental place where I knew I could go back to Induction and make it work.

I looked at the Induction list and figured out that I wanted to start slowly. So, no Induction. I just eat LC. Around 20/day, or sometimes I just make a decision that I'm going to eat something "wild". I haven't had a gain from doing that, but I may not lose for a week or so. Right now I'm at "or so". I have anorexia in my past, so when those numbers don't move, it kicks up a lot of stuff. I start to become a perfectionist in my appearance or cleanliness, for instance. At least things are clean and I look hawt while making them that way. :cool:

Anyway, so here's the headless me. Not sure why I'm still wearing these big boy-looking shorts...especially since every single other day this summer, I've worn skirts. Actually, most of my clothes are starting to look too big-I just bought these two months ago. Just to give you an idea of where I am now, 41 pounds removed.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...IMAG0203-1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...IMAG0202-1.jpg

bacon bit 08-14-2011 12:14 PM

I'm struggling with what I want to do to get past my lack of loss this month. The way I'm eating, I know I can maintain my loss, and it's easy. No gains. But when that scale doesn't move down, I want to throw it. I'm not giving up weighing myself. I'm not at that point yet. Today, I reminded myself that just because I'm not losing right now doesn't mean that I'm a failure and I should just give up. So, at least I'm not giving up, right? :stars:

I thought I had it figured out as far as what I need to do to lose weight, but my problem then becomes I am so incredibly busy, I can't find the time to make the meals I need to eat. I may have this figured out in terms of what's easier for my life, but I'm stressing because basically I don't have any veggies in the house-fresh, that is. I'm craving protein right now, so I will most likely go take care of that problem. I've had three cups of coffee today. Normally I feel satisfied on that. Anyway, here's me today:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...croppedmoi.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...erelcroppo.jpg

LJB 08-14-2011 12:18 PM

Looking good, Heidi!:up::D

verbqueen 08-14-2011 12:23 PM

{{Heidi}}

Love you, girl, and you know I'm your partner in emotions and frustrations here lately. But let me spell it out for you plainly: YOU LOOK GOOD. You look that kind of good that I think only Atkins can give--that firm, pared down, compact kind of good.

No, we're not where we're trying to get, but we've gone quite a ways down the road on this journey, and it's been a good trip. It won't kill us to stop and rest a while (even if we don't want to.) You keep reminding me and I'll keep reminding you. :hugs:

bacon bit 08-14-2011 04:16 PM

Welcome to my awesome journal! HA. Thank you both! I feel like I look good, but then I see my pictures and I change my mind completely. So...I believe it...but I also don't. I'm not sure what that's about.

Oh, and my mirror at home won't let me show you my head, just from the girls down. ENJOY! You'll be getting more of those bathroom pics, fo sho. Lucky for you all I work in a place with 14 toilets and 4 urinals. Ample opportunity to show you how I've changed. Or haven't. :D :D :D

bacon bit 08-15-2011 11:54 AM

Ooooh, guess what? :D

Yeah, no change in my weight. Again. It's strange. Well. Maybe. I just realized I've also been on a break (kind of) from one of my jobs for a few weeks. I wonder if that has something to do with it? Hmm...

I'm discouraged my the lack of change. HOWEVER, I'm not gaining. So there's that. I don't remember if I said I'm losing inches. Can you imagine the girls any bigger...because they so very were. I'm shocked by the inches I'm lost in the past few weeks. I guess I shouldn't worry...it's just very odd for me to have no change in two weeks with my weight.

You're going to get so sick of seeing me, but I'm totally photo journaling this to keep tabs on myself. Mhm.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...ver/815111.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...ver/815113.jpg

bacon bit 08-15-2011 12:03 PM

Also, completely unrelated...or is it? So as not to thread jack, I'm posting this for those who want to know about my children who died Virtual Memorials

afrodite 08-15-2011 01:25 PM

Oh my goodness, what a horror you've lived through!!! :cry: I'm just so sorry for your losses. I just cannot understand how someone can harm their own child!
Many many :hugs:

verbqueen 08-15-2011 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bacon bit (Post 14916047)
Ooooh, guess what? :D

Yeah, no change in my weight.


Would you believe it---I got it in ONE guess! :hyst:

(Laughing so I don't cry...)

SunnyDaze 08-15-2011 03:45 PM

I have no words that I feel can accurately express the deep sorry that went through me as I read your Memorial. My heart breaks for you and I cannot even begin to imagine how one goes on after something like this. I wish I could hug you so hard that you would be able to feel a tiny bit of relief from what I'm sure is a lifetime of heartache. You are a very strong young lady and I pray that time continues to ease your pain.

jeaniem 08-15-2011 04:32 PM

I am so sorry for your losses.:hugs:

Purple Sage 08-15-2011 05:09 PM

I just read your memorial and my heart is breaking. I cannot imagine what you went through. You are an amazingly strong person.

bacon bit 08-15-2011 05:17 PM

Thank you to those of you who are offering support (which is everyone, in different ways)! :D Very helpful, indeed.

Jessica, it's getting old, isn't it? I'm so over it, but I'm TOM'ing it up as of today...which only kind of makes me feel a little bit better. Meh.

bacon bit 08-16-2011 05:37 AM

Well I knew yesterday felt different. Not sure why, but even with TOM, I've managed to lose a little. Actually, my weight has been fluctuating between 160.2 and about 161.8. Today, I'm 160. Annoying, but I have to be happy for a loss. This is going to help. I'll post those lovely pics I know you're dying for, later. I have to go to my jobs for now. :)

bacon bit 08-16-2011 11:26 AM

Moi today

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...ver/816111.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...ver/816112.jpg

Only thing obvious to me is that I need to clean my mirrors. Excuse the mess, I'm sorting through my DD's baby clothes. I tried to crop it out. Ha.

OK, but I just got back into these jeans recently. I posted a pic of it maybe a month ago? Anyway, I've got my belt on, and it's the tightest notch. And when they need to go up or down, I don't have to undo it, nor do I have to unzip or unbutton my jeans. They were my favorite jeans. But I've had them a decade. I need to re-try on the remaining jeans in my closet to prepare for fall...I guess...though how do you even prepare when you're losing weight?

I find that once I can make the scale budge, I'll drop a few pounds and then hold there a few days. It's awkward being right at a round number...seriously looking forward to not seeing a 6 after the 1. It's baby steps, I suppose.

Yesterday I didn't eat a whole lot and I know this is tricky for me. I ate a spoonful of peanut butter-straight up Jif creamy, too. My DD wasn't eating it and I knew I was starting to feel on edge a little bit. I must have had it around 6:00 pm. And then I ate grilled chicken with my Low CArby's Sauce. I ate part of a green pepper and three ounces of cheese, plus coffee in the morning. I drank water and some club soda which I added sf vanilla and sf cherry to for a vanilla cream soda. I was done eating at 9:30 pm which is later than I normally eat, but I knew I had to get food in me and if I didn't do it then, it wouldn't happen. I'm not labeling myself with an "IF" lifestyle quite yet. Just trying to figure out my own patterns.

bacon bit 08-16-2011 11:41 AM

Also, I sure do hope you can read backwards. My shirt is awesome.

verbqueen 08-16-2011 12:12 PM

I must know what this Low CArby's sauce is!

And girl--hurry up and try on the rest of your jeans! You may totally miss the window of opportunity to wear them and have to give them away and buy more!

bacon bit 08-16-2011 02:47 PM

I posted in recipes. Search arbys sauce maybe? But guess what! I just pulled a Jessica and weighed myself before I got in the shower. A full pound lighter! 159. But I usually lose weight on staff meeting days. Add to that a bit of stress from...well...other parts of mah life and voila! Woohoo!

bacon bit 08-17-2011 05:59 AM

158.4! Happy dance!

verbqueen 08-17-2011 09:53 AM

Hallelujah! I'm telling you--the planets must've aligned this week or something!

Congrats!

bacon bit 08-17-2011 12:27 PM

I agree! Holy Pete, was I suffering! I thought it was the strangest thing about yesterday when I weighed again later and was down. AGAIN.

My issue with today and yesterday was that before yesterday I was in the 160's and yesterday, I kissed that goodbye. It made me go wow I've lost 42.6 pounds. 42 pounds is a lot of excess weight for me to be carrying around. For SO long, too! And then I thought: my goal is so much closer now. I think moving down into the next "decade" of numbers made me realize how bad I let myself get and at the same time that I've still got more to go. My goal of 135 is actually just my first goal. I mean, if I feel good and my weight seems to have evened out, I will be OK staying there. Otherwise, I will continue.

bacon bit 08-22-2011 06:01 PM

I've been eating higher carb foods the past few days. Just kind of allowed some fun stuff in. I didn't go insane with it, so I haven't gained. It's nice to not have to think so hard about it sometimes.

I'm a little bit stressed out right now. I can't even put it into words, actually. Strange, for me. I'm trying to do better at one of my jobs and so I'm working more. My other job...well, my hours just increased and it's likely they will again. I need to do well in my jobs. My problem is that I've taken a break from classes. I've been taking them for nearly two years straight-minus two weeks at Christmas each year, but that's it. Now, I'm not sure what's going to happen when they start again in a week. What little free time I have will be geared toward school. I just need to jump back into it and hope this class I start back in is a good one. I can't believe I (an artist) withdrew TWICE from Art Appreciation. *face in palms* OK. I can do this.

bacon bit 08-25-2011 07:05 AM

Well, I'm 157.4 today, but I'm once again sick sick sick. Yesterday I picked the kids up from their classrooms. I brought them downstairs and the bigger one puked all over the floor. Fun times. I always get sick when he does. The little one has yet to get it. Knock wood, cross fingers, pray to God she doesn't. Anyway, I couldn't even stomach st jell-o. Yikes. But i have plenty of broth on hand, in case.

verbqueen 08-25-2011 08:54 AM

Poor babies! Nothing more miserable than nausea. :console:

bacon bit 08-26-2011 09:38 AM

OK, feeling much better today. My stomach is still cramping, but not nearly as bad as it's been the past 48 hours. The Big Awesome is getting defiant again, so I know he's feeling better. My kidlet hasn't gotten sick. Praying, crossing fingers and all that she remains untouched by it.

I kept them both home today and did a keratin treatment on my hair. I've been avoiding it but interested in the idea for a while. It was when I read there is formaldehyde in many keratin treatments that I said yeah maybe I won't do that. But, I found one at Target about three weeks ago and decided I'd do it on my weekend off. I work every day aside from the fourth weekend of the month. My jobs get kind of sweaty and I can't let my hair get wet or kinky for 48 hours. It feels like I've loaded it down with product-way greasy-and it's flaky. I'll post pics of it with my body shots. I'm glad I took the day off and did it now, rather than tonight like I had planned. I don't think I want to go to church looking like a greaser on Sunday am.

OK, so this is me from the 17th forward.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0285.jpg

Me, stupidly wearing clothes that are way too big:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0313.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0347.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0353.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...IMAG0386-1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...IMAG0387-1.jpg

blow-dried hair after treatment:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0396.jpg
flakes all over:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0400.jpg
greasy, flaky (oh, this one is straightened):
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0403.jpg
blown dry
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0393.jpg

straightened:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0401.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0402.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0407.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0408.jpg
final result-48 hours til I get to wash it:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...r/IMAG0415.jpg

and me, 157:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...IMAG0413-1.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v7...IMAG0412-1.jpg

bacon bit 08-27-2011 05:48 PM

After all that work, I couldn't stand the way my hair felt, and I KNEW I couldn't leave the house today. I washed it. I don't think it would have done anything anyway. It MAY have cut down on my blowdrying time, though...so maybe it did do that...hmm...anyway, I can make my hair look the same (only not feel so incredibly gross) by straightening it. Might be worth looking into chemically straightening it, too. I just hate to damage my hair. I've worked hard growing it out.

It's whatever.

Anyway, I'm feeling so much better. I got to go shopping today. I HAD to go shopping today. All of my skirts are getting too big. I found out I dropped a size, which is really awesome. Actually, I guess it's more like two sizes, since I was wearing the skirts two sizes ago. Needless to say, I'm wearing a 10. One size away from single digits, which I haven't been in a great many years. Actually, the last time I was in single digits, I was so incredibly malnourished, I was on my death bed. It didn't take. Neither did the size four I was wearing.

I was out with my sister and saw a friend. She said she has a GNO planned for tonight and she called her friend and asked her what she was wearing and her friend told her. She decided she had better go shopping. I saw her when I was checking out and asked if she found something. She said no but she found some things. I was like...well...do you want to borrow my bracelet? It's really cute. She was like serious? So I gave her my bracelet. She will have the best time, now that she's got my bracelet. Ha.

Anyway, I was so excited (because I'm down to a 10) at the checkout, when the cashier asked how I am today, I said awesome. Then I told her why! Stoked! :D

bacon bit 08-29-2011 07:38 PM

I got my work issue figured out, therefore figuring out my school issue-classes starting up again tomorrow. Sickness out of the way. We should be good to go for a while. I gave away three boxes of clothes to my SIL who is also losing weight and exactly wearing the sizes I was giving away. I'm a little worried about something financial coming up but things have a way of working out (thanks to my friend upstairs, no doubt) so I'm trying HARD to not think so much about it, but just be aware and plan carefully. I sound like a horoscope.

So lately I've been unable to weigh myself on certain days, based upon when I know I will be at my lowest (right, Jessica?), so I don't even bother weighing. I'm also being stupid with my diet. Actually, not stupid. I just need to stick to what I've been doing instead of sneaking bites of some of my kids food-stuff like that. I need to plan better so that I don't want to take a fry or a fruit snack or whatever. Oh, also, I really aim to not feed my kids crap. I'm just saying. I'm being really un-smart about what I eat. Not to the point that I've gained anything. I just want to do better. It's the bad influence that hangs around my house a lot. Blarg.

bacon bit 08-31-2011 06:25 PM

Some days are just so tough. I know I can eat something every day and not gain from it. But then I'm not eating the way I want to and so I don't lose, either. Today, I had french fries. Totally did. It won't kill me. I know I can do this and maintain. It's just that I want to lose it all before I start maintaining. I go through these phases though where I will eat perfectly well, and then go and eat higher carb for a little while, then back down to the way I prefer. OK, so HA, I was just like you know, I wonder if this has anything to do with my girlie cycle. I'm smack in the middle. I also ate TWICE as much salad today as usual. So, things are wonky anyway. I just wish I didn't have phases lol

I guess I just kind of need a little support. All of my friends around here are sick of hearing about my loss-and I've still got like 20 pounds to go. At least. So the support is lacking. I spend way too much time with my ex, too. He's being a bad example in front of me. It's like he's trying to get me to eat crap. I know he's reading this. Maybe it will make him stop and start supporting me. Ha. :P

verbqueen 08-31-2011 08:44 PM

I dunno if it was the treatment or not, but your hair is beautiful. I love the color.

Don't sweat the fries. These things happen, just a bump in the road. I know how committed you are, and you won't be derailed. (even by your ex--shame on him!)

verbqueen 08-31-2011 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bacon bit (Post 14958742)
So lately I've been unable to weigh myself on certain days, based upon when I know I will be at my lowest (right, Jessica?), so I don't even bother weighing.

I think it's all about how weighing makes you feel. If it upsets you, then only weigh when you can do it at that RIGHT time of the day. :D

I'm afraid not to weigh, which is why I've been doing it on Sundays even though it's always bad. Every time I allow myself to not weigh more than a day or so, I go into fat denial and wake up ten pounds heavier at some point in the future. Will I ever quit doing the denial thing about eating and weight? I guess not....


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