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Old 09-07-2011, 08:08 AM   #241
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I am alive.

Been a super uber busy week. My birthday was a blast with the hubbs.

I am buried under a ton of homework that HAS to get done by Friday. DH and I are going a a little staycation for the weekend. I. Cannot. Wait.

Right now, I royally suck at the weightloss thing. I'm barely consuming maybe 1000 calories because I forget to eat, and then when I do, it's all at dinner time. Oh, and lets not forget that most of it this weekend probably came from alcohol. Yeesh!

Here is an odd twist

Since my teenage years up til my last round of effort at weight loss, I have had this undying need to want to lose weight. I have hated my body, hated how I looked, etc.

Several years ago Bob Harper came out with his book and the beginning of it he writes about how important it is for someone to completely love themselves just as they are at this very second. To love their imperfections, their entire being, inside and out. When I read that I thought, yeah right pfffftttt Never gonna happen.

Well guess what? Through alot of journaling and therapy and discussion I am slowly discovering that I am becoming very content with myself, loving things about myself that I never have before. I am liking what I see in the mirror because it is me. I can see that I am pretty, I'm sassy, and I am realizing that the person staring back at me has never been some kind of monster at all. Weird and strange and overwhelming. Oh, and VERY confusing!! I am in a place where weightloss is not the first and foremost thought in my head of every waking moment of my day. Even at my lowest point 18 months ago, weightloss was still something I thought about every single day.

I do know however, that I do need to get some sort of perspective that the weight I am at, my insides are having a total disagreement with my head. I do have to get the weight off because my health is asking for it. Working on trying to figure out how to change my thought process now and it sure is a weird place to be for a change. Go figure, eh?
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Old 09-07-2011, 08:14 AM   #242
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That sounds like a great book!!! And I agree.. we have to love our imperfections too. Sometimes I forget that too. I am glad your perspective of yourself is improving with your therapy and ect. The staycation with the hubbs sounds great!!!!! Have a good day Danielle.
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Old 09-07-2011, 08:33 AM   #243
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While it is a great place to be, and I was starting to really enjoy it, my health is not agreeing so much. While I can appreciate that I did love the way I looked when I got down to 155, I dunno, my mentality has changed and what I see in the mirror isn't horrifying. If that makes sense at all? I've struggled with the idea that I am just making excuses for myself, but my therapist reminds me constantly that my attitude and my excitement for life doesn't reflect that. So I guess just one more thing for me to begin to work through so that I can get to that place of urgency to get the weight off, yanno? I'm actually considering maybe doing something like WW where I can not make such huge drastic changes to my diet but lose something to get to a place where my health issues aren't such a scary thing anymore. I always figured I knew what the 4-1-1 was on my body and what I wanted...turns out I dont know *****!
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Old 09-07-2011, 11:43 AM   #244
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Danielle- I agree you have to love yourself, and you have to respect yourself enough to make you the best you can be. I really think a large part of me losing this and sticking to it was that I knew that Tony loved me fat or not, my ex told me he cheated cause I never lost weight and never quit smoking, didnt know that was a condition of our marriage, and seeing how he is fat and smokes, so that really blew me away, I think that is why I wanted it out of the way so that I could not hear that! I think you should do whatever works, and makes it easy for you to stick to, if LC is too restrictive there are lots of diets, just try them out, I love testing stuff!!!
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Old 09-07-2011, 12:02 PM   #245
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[QUOTE=Bejewelme;14983524] I really think a large part of me losing this and sticking to it was that I knew that Tony loved me fat or not, QUOTE]

This has always been my situation. Bryan has never had an issue with my weight. Period. He wants me to do whatever is going to make me happy, has always supported that. This has always been about me and my screwed up mentality. Of course, now I'm in the mental state that I probably should've have been years ago where I loved myself inside and out, etc. In all honesty, I totally feel like a 25 yr old. I say that because right now we are embarking on the second phase of our lives together with our kids literally almost all self sufficient. Our youngest is 15 and on the verge. We are finding that we can do ALOT more stuff together that we held off doing when we were busy raising 3 small babies. I dunno if that makes sense to anyone? I guess i feel like a kid in the proverbial candystore at the moment and am just having F-U-N! Such a weird feeling to know we have all this freedom.

Maybe once things get "old and boring" I won't find it as fun anymore and I'll come back down to earth and do what I need to. Altho, not sure that my body will allow me that luxury. Why can't it ever just be easy me for once. *sigh*
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Old 09-07-2011, 12:55 PM   #246
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HELLO!!!!!! Oh how I have missed you girls...
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Old 09-07-2011, 03:51 PM   #247
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Hey Amy, glad you stopped by!!! Missed you too. Are ya still roller derby'ing? Weight loss? Don't be a stranger!!!
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Old 09-07-2011, 04:22 PM   #248
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I am still a rollergirl and having a blast. I haven't lost a lot of weight in the past few months, wasn't eating in a way that would have lead to weight loss, but I have maintained really well! Ha! But with all the exercise I have totally CHANGED my body. I am STRONG. And I love that feeling. Now I am back on track with eating because I am tired of the scale saying the same frickin' thing every morning. And I know how easy it would be to "accidentally" see that thing go UP. So back on track with lower carb and trying to keep my food natural.
Super glad to see you here...I think of you often!
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Old 09-07-2011, 04:59 PM   #249
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Amy it is good to see you hun!! I am glad you are still having fun with the roller derby!!!
It will come off if you keep at it, I am glad Danielle came back now you need to come back too!
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Old 09-07-2011, 05:33 PM   #250
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I was never really gone from eating well...just eating too much I think. Gone from posting for a while tho! BACK! You look wonderful, btw...so proud! I remember when you first logged on....
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Old 09-07-2011, 05:36 PM   #251
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yes Amy 102 pounds 9/27 is my one year mark if I can get to 198 it will be a miracle it is slow going now!! But I am working out like a nut, remember I wouldnt even walk, LOL
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Old 09-07-2011, 07:54 PM   #252
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I remember when Amber came on too. Yanno what? If I'd have stuck it out back then, I'd be at goal now. *sigh*
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Old 09-08-2011, 06:20 AM   #253
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Its never too late to start it seems so wierd to think that was almost a year ago I am amazed I stuck to it, I could never get it all together myself!
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Old 09-08-2011, 06:49 AM   #254
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I know!! Now she is my motivation!
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Old 09-08-2011, 07:44 AM   #255
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I did it. I registered to do WW online. Saying a Holy Mary and just jumping in with both feet. I opted not to do meetings as a horrible experience with one several years ago has left me traumatized. I am utterly impressed with how much the online stuff has changed. I'm excited to try something new and try and incorporate lower carb into it. According to many people on this board, it can be done! So funny, I was talking about it last night, Bryan doesn't say a word just hands me his credit card. Yes, I'm spoiled.

We are going away for the weekend so I won't start completely until we get back. Tried perusing their site last night and there is ALOT to read. I was way overwhelmed so I will pick my way through it all the next coupla days and see what I can come up with. Lord knows, I need to do something cause ultimately, even though I like who I am right now, I do NOT want to get bigger!
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Old 09-08-2011, 07:53 AM   #256
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Woot Woot!!! I see ya making moves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Old 09-08-2011, 10:21 AM   #257
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Go for it D!
I think you have to find what works for you - I support your motivation
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Old 09-08-2011, 10:52 AM   #258
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Absolutely Danielle- we all gotta do what works for us, any eating plan will be successful if it is one you can stick to 99% of the week, I always tell people hey Atkins may not be for you, but do what plan you like, but be consistent, that is the key with any of it, consistent attention to nutrition and exercise will = weight loss! You can do it!
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Old 09-09-2011, 01:12 AM   #259
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Good for you Danielle, one step is better than none at all!

I think we as woman sometimes have a problem with loving ourselves, we are very special and unique beings, all in our own way. Now if we could get that through our "thick" skulls, like Beyonce' says... we could rule the world! Not that we'd want to. It's a crap bucket as of now.

You know threr's a WW thread aroung here somewhere. I'm rooting for you all the way!
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:38 AM   #260
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Thanks for the support ladies. I think this may be alot easier to maintain with the family all over the place and make things not so stressful. I'm still going to try and low carb as much as I can in here, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't salivating at the thought of getting to eat some fresh fruit every day! LOL YUMMO!

I will most likely start either next Tues or Wed. We will probably not be back from our little get-away until Monday evening. Give myself a day or so to get myself together and then hit the starting block. I think I will do okay on this, we shall see. I feel better knowing that there are alot of people who have incorporated lc into this program and are finding success with it.

I can't wait for our time away. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but man, it sure is nice for a few days away! Bryan and I got to go away for a weekend to Los Angeles in April, totally spur of the moment because I won tickets for a contest I'd entered..we had a BLAST! While we aren't going very far away this weekend, its still gonna be fun I know it! This is what I mean, we're gettin these little tastes of freedom and I'm like a frickin teenager.

Anywho, I guess I should get the laundry started and the rest of my homework turned in so I can live in peace for the next few days. It's supposed to storm here today I think, days like this make me sleepy!
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:41 AM   #261
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Where are you going Danielle? You are in my favorite spot, so many places to go in AZ!!! Have a great weekend, you deserve it!
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:49 AM   #262
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We're just going to one of the new(er) casino/resorts here. I think we'll literally be 15 minutes away from home. I think I'm more excited about getting to watch football in a sports bar uninterrupted for a whole Sunday if that's what we choose, than anything else!
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Old 09-09-2011, 07:52 AM   #263
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When we were out last year and the big blizzard hit back East our flight was cancelled and we stayed at the Wild Horse Pass at Gila River, OMG that was swank, fancy rooms, great food, we had fun I didnt want to leave!!!!!
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Old 09-09-2011, 10:13 AM   #264
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We were thinking about staying there and when I went to check rooms, they were completely booked.

We're staying at Talking Stick. Supposed to be pretty nice, not as swanky as Wild Horse but meh, I don't care. There's a bar on the 15th floor that overlooks the city, lookin forward to some quite time with my hubbs and enjoying the scenery. Of course, it would be nice too if I hit a jackpot or two...or 3... We'll play it by ear, and what I love is we are close to some great local stuff just a few minutes away if we get bored at the hotel.
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Old 09-09-2011, 10:27 AM   #265
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Gosh I love to gamble I cant wait to play craps in Vegas, I love it, yelling, screaming its my fav!!! Ohhh that sounds so fun!!!! Enjoy it and come home with big bucks!
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Old 09-09-2011, 11:43 AM   #266
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Win some money for me... I am trying to get my coworkers to start a lottery pool.... I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!!!! No MORE WORKING FOR THE MAN!!
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Old 09-09-2011, 04:32 PM   #267
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Yanno, one year in Vegas (we used to go every year for our anniversary) we went for like 4 days. I was dinkin around with slots while Bryan was checking us in, I ended up winning like $1800. I came over and told him, nope, better make it a week. LOL He was floored. I won and lost back and forth the remainder of that night then the following afternoon I won another $2500 playing video poker. Then that night I won a total of another $2000 playing Keno when we went to the buffet. I didn't win again until the last night we were there and I won another $1400 on slots. We had SO MUCH FUN.

I love to sit in front of some of those video slots machines and dink around with my nickels...mostly I get sidetracked and start people watching. I could do it all day long.. Bryan says I should write a book. LOL

We're on the final countdown with everything. Busily getting the kids situated with groceries, etc so they don't have to go out for anything specific. I think they're lookin forward to it as much as we are!

It has rained today The weather is wonderful, NO SUN for once, a little breezy even if it still is 98 outside I love rainy days. I would do well somewhere in Washington or Oregon I think.
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Old 09-09-2011, 06:44 PM   #268
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I won over 10,000 one time in Vegas we were leaving on Sunday and I hit a $5,000 jackpot on a dollar slot, plus the $3000 I had one here and there, and then hit another $2500 that night, I called my boss and said we are not coming home I will miss work tomorrow he said dont stay you will piss it away! We got a suite at the Sands, and I remember sitting on the bed saying this will pay off my car, this will pay off Visa, LOL Never won that much again the most after was $2500 in AC, LOL That was the early 90's and to me $10,000 at that time was a crapload of money, heck it still would be!!!!
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Old 09-10-2011, 04:53 AM   #269
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Holy Smokes how I would love to win 1000 let alone $10,000!!!!! I would feel rich. I am trying to talk my coworker into doing to the mega millions but it's only 44millon right now. They want it to be huge so we can spilt it!!!! I may play today... I have no idea what I am doing though
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Old 09-10-2011, 07:12 AM   #270
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Yeah it was the best day of my life, I swear I am praying I do it again I need my surgery fund!!!!
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