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-   -   Amber's Journal - Journey to Onderland (and good health) (http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/weight-loss-journals/729108-ambers-journal-journey-onderland-good-health.html)

AsmallerME 07-22-2011 01:03 PM

Amber's Journal - Journey to Onderland (and good health)
Okay, I've been thinking about starting a journal here for a while. I debated and just figured, why not?? :confused: So here I am.

My fat story is that I've gained about 10-20 pounds per year as an adult. I graduated highschool around 170 and I found myself about 10 years later around 270. I got as high as 294 when I delivered my first (and only) son. I didn't magically shrink back down to the 250s and remained in the high 270s instead for a solid year after he was born.

I started low carb in February 2011 at 277 or so. This is my second **real** attempt at this diet. I was successful back in 2003 and went from 210 to 170. This time, I dieted down to the mid-240s and then stalled (err..stopped) in May and have slowly gained back about 10 pounds over the last 2 months. My goal is to get back to the weight I was when I met my husband (170) or lower. Charts say I should weigh 150. For now, I'm concentrating on onderland.

And just for a point of reference to myself and as a point of motivation, I was out for lunch eating carbs with my husband this afternoon. He got up to get a refill and when he returned to our booth he said, "I thought that lady over there was you - I was wondering why you were getting a refill and saw her out the corner of my eye and almost asked you. Opps!!" I looked across the restaurant to see a short, fat lady getting salsa. I don't know why it made me feel bad. I am short. I am fat. I just don't want to be. I want him to mistake me for the tall, slim, model instead. Okay, pout over. :blush:

I restart induction tomorrow. I have everything I need.

chelseybelle27 07-23-2011 07:11 AM

Yay Amber, I found you! I am marking my place so I can find you again :)

I have had a similar story with my husband. During a particularly down in the dumps day, I asked my husband to compare me to someone in the restaurant. I guess I was secretly hoping he would compare me to some young and relatively thin woman, but, alas no luck. I was compared to a pretty heavy lady who looked like she had the same down days like myself. I could have kicked myself in the butt for asking, but in reality, it did kick me in the butt...the LC butt!

Best of luck lady on this low carb train! I will be right with ya every step of the way :)

gonna lose it 07-23-2011 08:34 AM

Hello amber! I can't wait to see your progress. I'm only going into my 4th week back on plan, but keeping a journal this time has really helped me stick with it. Good luck on your journey to onderland

AsmallerME 07-23-2011 06:50 PM

Samantha - 4 weeks back on plan is awesome. Don't they say it takes 3 weeks to form a new habit? Thanks for stopping in and giving me support. I'm going to definitely track down your journal. :hugs:

Chelsey - Oh, I don't dare ask my husband to pick out my body type. I'd rather die. I think you are far braver than me. :hugs: I'm so glad we are on this journey together.

Okay, so today is day one back on track. I didn't weigh this morning. I hope that wasn't a sign of something bad, like a lack of real desire. I honestly got distracted and when I weighed it was after breakfast so I'm not 100% sure of my morning starting weight. I'm guess 258. I'll see tomorrow what it says.

B: 2 eggs; 1 sausage patty
L: greek salad with grilled chicken
S: handful of nuts
D: 2 eggs; 2 sausage patties; pickle

I was reading a weight loss blog once and the person said that after starting a diet she expects instant results. I was able to relate in that I wish, after avoiding carbs for just 18 hours, that I could have a smaller belly. Or be down 20 pounds. Too bad it doesn't work like that. :)

I plan to actually make some basic recipes tomorrow so I'm prepared for the week.

Happy weekend everyone!

Potaty 07-23-2011 07:04 PM

Amber!!!! I'm so glad you started a journal! Subscribing to keep up with you!

AsmallerME 07-24-2011 06:38 PM

Katy - :hugs:

Okay, today is day 2. I did well and am happy to say that it wasn't hard. I was able to order my favorite hamburger without the bun. It still was amazing and I had no guilt. It was slightly harder to sit across from the fries and watch DH eat them. I didn't cave in and left feeling lighter and happier.

My husband is perplexed that I started this diet on Saturday. He'll never understand why it wasn't Monday or January 1st for that matter. He doesn't realize that I'm on a diet or off a diet nearly every day. It's always something in my mind and the days no longer matter. I've already "had my last meal" a billion times.

B: eggs and sausage
L: bunless cheeseburger w/ tomato, lettuce, pickle, and mayo
D: linda sue recipe - spinach hamburger meat mixture over green beans (one of my favorites)

Tomorrow is day 3 and I have my lunch packed. No excuses. My coworker will be back from his vacation and he's been doing LC with me since mid-Feb. He hit goal and already told me he feels bloated from vacation endulgences. Having him back at work will help me stay strong and avoid the office temptations.

AsmallerME 07-25-2011 04:50 AM

Woo! The scale is moving down again after a few weeks of moving up. 254.5 this morning. 5 above siggy weight. 10 above my May low. I can't believe that I'm back in the 250s after fighting so hard to leave them last time. I hope to say that these are my last few days at this weight.

Today's menu:
B: coffee w/ cream; atkins breakfast square
L: spinach hamburger over green beans
S: splurged and bought some macadamia nuts
D: either leftovers or eggs and sausage (not sure why I'm craving eggs so much)

AsmallerME 07-26-2011 05:06 AM

252.5 this morning. Down 2 from yesterday. Now only 3 above siggy and 8 from my low in May. I'm getting there. I feel better today already - my clothes fit better and I feel less bloated by far.

Last night when DH was eating icecream, I gave him the sad puppy dog eyes. The "feel sorry for me I'm on a diet face." I realized this morning that I need to stop that. First, I shouldn't make him feel guilty for not having an unhealthy relationship with carbs. And second, I shouldn't dwell on the fact that I can't have sugar. I shouldn't act like it's a punishment. I'm treating myself well and eating healthier and that means no high sugar things, at least not now and not in bulk.

B: 2 eggs; 3 sausage links; coffee
L: spinach hamburger leftovers
D: last part of the spinach/hamburger stuff.

I think tomorrow I'll be going out to lunch with DH and I already picked out my salad. It's one of my favorites so I won't feel deprived. :)

AsmallerME 07-27-2011 05:41 AM

251. Woot! I'm excited. I feel so much better today than I even did yesterday. I know this is the right diet for me. I ate the last of my leftovers last night and then grilled up three juicy burgers for the next couple days.

B: 2 eggs; 3 sausage links; coffee
L: going out to lunch - :) Plan is to get a large salad with grilled chicken
D: hamburger patty w/ a veggie (not sure which one)

AsmallerME 07-27-2011 01:00 PM

Salad was good and filling. I didn't miss the pizza that DH was eating. It felt weird not to be resentful but I wasn't. I'm trying hard to appreciate the things I get to eat and appreciate that this is a healthier choice for me.

Potaty 07-27-2011 01:23 PM

I'm so glad you're feeling good! It makes it so much easier and enjoyable when we shift our thinking from everything we *can* have, instead of dwelling on the stuff we can't have. I'm trying to focus on that myself and have an awesome roasted veggie fritatta on the menu for later this week! Yum!

AsmallerME 07-28-2011 04:36 AM

Katy - yum. That sounds so good. And it sounds so healthy for your baby!!

Weight stayed the same today. I am hoping to see 249 on Saturday. That will be one week back on plan down about 9ish pounds. Not sure of exact restart weight since I didn't weigh the first day.

Today's plan of attack is to drink a lot of water. I think I didn't drink enough yesterday. Plus I ate a lot of salty stuff yesterday (pickles, cheese, sausage, bacon, seasoning on meats, nuts, etc.)

B: atkins breakfast bar (blueberry almond flavor); coffee w/ cream
L: double cheeseburger with all the fixings
S: nuts if necessary
D: repeat of lunch w/ a salad or veggie added

AsmallerME 07-29-2011 04:33 AM

Weight stayed the same again today too! :( 251. When I tried to exhale and reweigh to maybe see a flicker of downward movement, the darn scale said 252 - UP one. Frustration is starting to creep into my soul. I'm trying to mentally blame this on pre-TOM issues, on the extremely salty hamburger meat yesterday (even when I said I was going to limit salt), and the nuts. But even so, I wish it would have been lower today.

Brewing coffee now to have with my breakfast. Hopefully tomorrow I see a better number to kick the weekend off right. I just want to see the 240s. Is that too much to ask for??? :aprayer:

AsmallerME 07-29-2011 11:53 AM

Lunch was good. Ate some chicken and a veggie. Getting snacky so will probably have another cup of coffee. DH is home with DS and they are playing outside. I'm jealous but also happy for the a/c. :)

AsmallerME 08-02-2011 08:52 AM

So Saturday morning my weight was 251. It wasn't budging. We decided at the last moment to head to the beach for the day. Needless to say,

Alcohol is my gateway drug to carbs. :(

I had a drink and then "treated" myself to carbs. Fries, onion rings, icecream, etc. Why? I don't know. I think I was mad at the scale and the liquor just gave me permission to drown my sorrows.

It's Tuesday and I'm still not back on the wagon. I plan to restart, once again, tomorrow.

chelseybelle27 08-02-2011 12:54 PM


Originally Posted by AsmallerME (Post 14878517)

Alcohol is my gateway drug to carbs. :(

I know its not funny but this cracked me up!

I am right here with ya lady, every step of the way! We can do it! Hope you had a very fun weekend though :cool:

Potaty 08-02-2011 05:42 PM

Back on the wagon! I am the same way, one little thing and it's all over! I am refocusing tomorrow myself!

Monkeyfish 08-02-2011 07:44 PM

What a fun journal to read! Inspirational, funny, thoughtful...I feel like I am right there with ya - and actually - I am! I'm only on day 2 here, but it's really cool to read back and keep up with your struggles and successes! Keep up the good work! Looking forward to accompanying you on your journey to health - and helping in any way I can! Take care!

Potaty 08-02-2011 09:54 PM

PS~You need to email me new pics of Mr. Dylan!!!!!

AsmallerME 08-14-2011 04:23 PM

Blah, blah, blah, carbs, blah, blah, I am back. I got back on track after the binge/splurge and then fell right off. I'm restarting tomorrow morning fresh.

Katy - on their way. :)

Monkey - thanks for checking in on me. Your stats are already so impressive. You are gorgeous!

Chelsey - :) We are too similar girlie. :hugs:

AsmallerME 08-15-2011 05:09 AM

Today is my new day one. I can do it. I weighed this morning and am up from last week when I was supposed to restart as well. So clearly I'll just continue to gain my weight if I continue to stuff carbs in my face. I'm still down 17 pounds and I do not want to regain those pounds as well so I'm back. Well, I'm back because I want to get healthy and be normal sized. I just need to focus on that fact and not the food.

I need to schedule my annual appointment with my primary care doctor and think the appointment will be in mid-Oct. I'd love to be down 20ish by then so I can be down 30+ from last year's appointment. I wish it was more but I'll take anything I can get in the right direction at this point.

AsmallerME 08-17-2011 06:56 AM

So day one ended with the beginnings of a monster migrane. I never get them and it hurt so badly. Day two started with TOM. I sometimes wonder if the universe is working against me and my best efforts.

Potaty 08-17-2011 01:57 PM

Keep your head in the game, Amber. The first month is such a mental struggle! Your goal of being down for your doctor's appointment sounds great! I owe you an email tonight!

AsmallerME 08-29-2011 04:39 AM

Yesterday I started stillmans. I've been struggling too long and I think I need something super strict to help me get back on track. I'm typically an all or nothing person with diet and exercise so we'll see if this helps. Today is day 2 and I brought advil in case the headaches start. I was pretty carbed up so there should be lots of detoxing going on today and tomorrow.

My plan is to "cheat" with veggies when needed for social reasons or for cravings. I hope to do this for at least 2 weeks before transitioning to induction.

I also asked DH to not let me cheat. Normally I cheat by ordering pizza or something bad and then if DH says, "this isn't low carb - are you cheating?" I say something like, "it's okay, I'll start back tomorrow and this is easy." and then he drops it. He probably thinks that I'm always cheating so what's the point in helping or asking or whatever. So I told him to tell me "no" and to tell me that it's only for a 2 week cycle and then if I want to cheat with pizza or whatever, that I can. I don't want it to seem like he is punishing me so I figure if I ask him and tell him to give me the "wait 2 week" reminder that maybe it will help.

Here goes attempt #10,003.

AsmallerME 08-30-2011 04:21 AM

So I started Sunday at a nice bloated 263. Saw 260 on Monday. And today, I saw 257. Not too bad for 2 days on plan: 6 pounds gone! :clap:

My first goal is to get back into the 240s (249). After that, I'd love to hit a new low and get into the 230s before some travel at the end of September. Then it's onward to onderland. I haven't been there in YEARS.

Today's menu:
B: cottage cheese
L: grilled chicken w/ veggies (veggies are not stillmans legal but will be in a restaurant)
S: broth if necessary
D: HB eggs

AsmallerME 08-31-2011 04:54 AM

So today is day 4 on stillmans. I feel so excellent to be on day 4 of ANY plan right now that this fact alone could carry me through the day. I think over the last few months I've only managed 2 or maybe 3 days on plan before stopping, but usually I quit before dinner on day 1. So day 4 is exciting territory for me. Maybe it means that this time I'll stay on for a while and maybe even forever! (knock on wood ;))

Okay, so even with some salty chicken and veggies yesterday, I still was down 1 pound! 7 pounds now in 3 days! :clap: I'll take it!

Today is a mostly egg day:
B: 2 scrambled eggs
L: HB egg
S: cottage cheese
D: either chicken or eggs

Potaty 08-31-2011 08:29 PM

great job! I did Stillman's back in 2003 for my wedding. It's hard, but definitely gets the scale moving!

AsmallerME 09-02-2011 04:48 AM

Katy - I did it for my first time back in 2003 as well. I did it to prepare for a formal event and lost so much weight that I had to get a new dress a few days before the event because mine was falling off of me. I hope it works as well this time.

Okay, so yesterday I was down another pound for 8 in 4 days. Today the scale stayed the same - 255. Part of me wants to panic that it's not working anymore but the majority of my brain understands that weight is not linear and that I may see a better number tomorrow. I have absolutely no desire to cheat or eat off plan. I have absolutely ZERO appetite. It's pretty amazing the deep ketosis you can get into when you do not eat veggies.

AsmallerME 09-04-2011 05:28 AM

Yesterday, while home alone with the baby, I kept having urges to eat a chip or a goldfish or something carby. I wasn't hungry but my mind kept asking me to do it. I didn't somehow but it was my first tough day on stillmans. Also, I went out to eat and originally the place I was supposed to go was a burger/onion ring type place. I told myself I'd get a bunless burger and veggie on the side. Then I almost convinced myself that onion rings aren't that bad. I really have no idea what was going on with me yesterday but thankfully I didn't cave to anything.

Instead of the burger place, I ended up at a bbq place. I got sliced pork and used no sauce. That was basically all I ate with the exception of one brocolli floret and lots of water. I was proud of myself.

The scale rewarded me this morning. One week officially on stillmans and I've lost 10 pounds!! :clap: 263 start and now 253. 4 pounds until my mini-goal of getting out of the 250s again. My goal for week 2 is just those 4 pounds.

AsmallerME 09-06-2011 05:03 AM

I should probably start today with saying that Stillmans is awesome. I truthfully haven't been perfect on this plan in the last 8 days, but I've more or less been close with a few veggies and a tiny bit of fat here and there (less than 4 times). And yesterday, the scale rewarded me with a woosh of 2 more pounds!! 12 pounds in 8 days!! :clap: The scale stayed the same today but I kind of expected that after the woosh and after having 2 burgers for dinner yesterday for Labor Day. Not only did I eat the burgers (fattier meat than I should have), I also topped them with lettuce, tomato, and onion. It was sooooo good. I'm definitely going to strive for another near perfect stillmans week and then I might consider doing low fat alternated by high fat days, sticking mostly to meat. We'll see how I feel this Sunday.

Today starts day: 10
Start: 263
Current: 251

Sept Goal: 239

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