Amber's Journal - Journey to Onderland (and good health)

[Potaty]

I get the steak fajita bol with no rice, add lettuce, guac, sour cream, cheese and green salsa. So flippin' delish!

[AsmallerME]

Chels - Mexican, Italian (pizza, esp), American, and Fast Food probably all equally helped me gain 100+ pounds. Oh, and candy and chocolate and cookies and ...

Katy - I've never had the green salsa. I need to try it. I love their steak though. I always do the lettuce, grilled veggies, meat of choice, mild salsa, sour cream, cheese, guac, and a touch of the hot red salsa. Okay, I've convinced myself that I need to eat this next week.

[DesertGurl]

Originally Posted by Potaty

I get the steak fajita bol with no rice, add lettuce, guac, sour cream, cheese and green salsa. So flippin' delish!

THIS!!!!!! Man o man o man is their guac good! I confess, I love their tortilla chips...they put lime on them.. so yummy!

It's a good thing today's a down-day and I can't get this today..cause that's what we would be having!

[AsmallerME]

Oh gosh, new rule, no more chipolte talk. It's all I can think about. Haha. I don't have one near my home, but there is one close to my work. I have plans tomorrow or else I'd go then.

So dinner was a three star out of ten. Haha. Decent, lc, and fast. Heated green beans, topped with cheddar and sliced hotdogs. I pretended it was macaroni and hotdogs. Like I said, it was a three star only.

[chelseybelle27]

Originally Posted by AsmallerME

Oh gosh, new rule, no more chipolte talk. It's all I can think about. Haha. I don't have one near my home, but there is one close to my work. I have plans tomorrow or else I'd go then.

So dinner was a three star out of ten. Haha. Decent, lc, and fast. Heated green beans, topped with cheddar and sliced hotdogs. I pretended it was macaroni and hotdogs. Like I said, it was a three star only.

Sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do! Did you see that Atkins is making microwave dinners? They are exclusively at walmart. I might try to check it out, for an easy night or lunch!

[AsmallerME]

Chels - yes, I saw that thread on the ML. I'm not a huge microwave dinner fan, but I'm going to pick up a few for emergencies. It is always good to be prepared. And I figure buying a few more atkins products only helps promote this WOE and encourages stores to buy more low carb products.

Okay, today is day 6. I feel more and more like I'm in control and less of a carb-obsessed monster. I feel thinner today too, which is a great bonus. TOM is almost done. I may start weighing on Sun. I feel more prepared to face the truth and start tracking. Tracking ultimately is a necessary evil for me in WL.

My menu:
B: coffee w/ cream; hotdog, green bean, cheese concoction
L: grilled chicken salad
D: fajitas w/o the tortilla
S: prob another coffee and cream, maybe some nuts

[Gracie514]

Happy Friday! TOM is a beast - he's wreaking havoc at my house now!

[AsmallerME]

Ugh, sorry Gracie! I hate TOM.

Made cream cheese muffins this morning. Delish. Working on a day of relaxation and then a big neighborhood Christmas party this afternoon.

[AsmallerME]

Ate great today. Maybe a little much, but within plan.

B: coffee w/ cream; turkey rollups
S: cream cheese muffin
L: 2 hotdogs; grilled chicken; bite of pulled pork; diet sodas
D: cream cheese muffin; coffee w/ cream

[AsmallerME]

Yesterday's menu:
B: cream cheese muffins; coffee w/ cream
L: blacken chicken salad; diet coke
S: handful of nuts
D: creamy southwestern soup
S: coffee w/ cream

Today's menu:
B: atkins shake/coffee drink
L: creamy soup
S: nuts; diet coke; water
D: creamy soup

I plan to cook the spinach lasagna again tonight and the sausage/egg muffins. My goal is to cook mostly on Sunday, but yesterday was too hectic so I only cooked the soup.

[AsmallerME]

I cooked the spinach lasagna and the egg/sausage casserole last night. It felt good to cook and prepare for this week.

B: eggs/sausage quiche; coffee w/ cream x 3
L: spinach lasagna
D: prob more egg/sausage quiche - it was delish
S: nuts; cream cheese muffin

[Gracie514]

You're doing great Amber!!! Those casseroles sound awesome

[AsmallerME]

Thanks, Gracie. I'm feeling much, much, much better since getting back on the wagon. I'm even contemplating resuming some JUDDD rotations now that I am firmly back on the wagon and in ketosis. I'm thinking that I may start it this weekend. We'll see...

[Potaty]

isn't it amazing to feel in control? wonder why we dig our heels in so much when we fall off when we *know* how much better we feel when we are on plan...

[AsmallerME]

I don't know why. Honestly Katy, it's one of those things I'm trying to figure out. Every time I restart, I feel better by day 2. Every time. I know my body feels best eating these foods and I honestly really enjoy eating this way (apart from a few things I miss dearly). So why do I fight it? Why do I sabatoge my progress? I don't know.

I've decided that I'm probably eating 2500+ calories per day on average. I know that it's too much to lose on. And now that I'm solidly back on the wagon, I am going to incorporate JUDDD calorie counting. Starting tomorrow as my first DD. I'm also going to weigh on Sun and start tracking that.

Today's menu:
B: spinach lasagna; coffee w/ cream
S: nuts; cream cheese muffin
L: spinach lasagna
D: maybe quiche

[Vilya]

Your menu looks yummy.

I can relate to the sabotage; I used to do the same thing. It took diabetes for me to get serious finally. I think I had so much to lose that it would get overwhelming and I would just give up. With diabetes, I started to actually make changes to get my BG under control. It had nothing to do with weight, and maybe that was the mental switch I needed to make. I don't know, it's just hard...

[Potaty]

sounds like a good plan and your menu looks awesome!

[AsmallerME]

V - and now look at you! Sometimes it takes bad news to get us going, but whatever it takes, it is worth it. You are doing so awesome and continue to inspire me!!

Katy - haha, my menu probably does look awesome to you!!

[AsmallerME]

Okay, today is JUDDD day #1. DD. I'm actually excited about it. I know I've been overeating. Last night I had a big slice of spinach lasagana (yes, I had it three times yesterday), a spoonful of peanutbutter, a coffee with cream and splenda, and some cashews. Maybe 800+ calories alone in just those choices. So here's to watching what I'm actually eaitng.

B: coffee (5) and atkins shake (140) mixed together over ice = 145
L: quiche (400ish - I'm not 100 percent sure because I just threw together the ingredients w/o measuring)
----
550ish

I figure I'm close enough for DD1.

[Gracie514]

You can do it Amber! I always feel good on my DDs - like my mind doesn't have to work today. I keep it simple and go to bed early!

[AsmallerME]

Thanks, Gracie!

I ate all my food by 11 a.m. and now at 2:30 I'm getting pretty hungry. It's coming and going in waves though. I know I can do it so I'm not worried, it just stinks. I will wallow in my own self pity for five seconds and say that I wish I was naturally thin and could eat icecream and big chunks of break. Okay, that may have been seven seconds.

[Potaty]

you crack me up! Good luck on your DD, you can do it! You will be in the JUDDD groove in no time!

[AsmallerME]

Ahhh, that should have said bread, not break. haha Oh well.

So, today is day 2 of JUDDD/LC and obviously it's much easier since it's an UD. DH and I have a date tonight and I went to the restaurant's website to calculate my favorite meal. It totaled 1300 calories before wine was added. Since I am eating only 2000 calories today, I have a few options.

A) Only eat 700 calories before dinner and save 1300 for dinner.
B) Don't eat beforehand and drink wine in addition to my dinner.
C) Eat half of the dinner and save the other half for Sunday.
D) Pick something healthier.

I decided that it wasn't the healthiest choice to not eat all day on an UD, and based on my hunger level, didn't think I could manage that option too well. So I looked over the menu and decided on a healthier main course option, keeping the same salad and side. So my chicken went from 700 calories to 300 by picking a different one. That seems pretty reasonable and what I plan to do.

So today's menu:
B: coffee w/ 2T cream (105 cals); quiche (400ish) = 500
L: turkey, mayo, pickle, cheese rollups (400ish) = 400
D: ceasar salad, grilled chicken, sauted spinach = 1000
-----
1900 calories

Instead of wine with dinner tonight, I think I'll order a diet coke.

If I wasn't doing JUDDD, I would have poured more cream in my coffee (adding 100 calories to it), would have snacked on some nuts or cream cheese muffins (adding 200 calories), would have eaten my fav. chicken dish (adding 400 calories), would have had a glass or two of wine (adding 500 calories) and maybe even another coffee w/ cream (adding another 200 calories). I could easily have had another 1400 calories today and thought I had a good, lowcarb, healthy, onplan day. This is why I think I have to realistically JUDDD or calorie count in addition to LC. I have a monster appetite apparently.

[Potaty]

Oh, date nights, how I love them! It's so nice to reconnect when you have the opportunity. I know for us, it doesn't happen near as often as it should!

[Vilya]

So many people say they don't have to count calories because they can't overeat on fat. Not me! I can easily overeat on fat, like HWC. It doesn't slow me down a bit! So I do have to be very conscious of calories as well as carbs.

[AsmallerME]

V - me too! I tried those fat bombs once and read how people could eat 1 bomb and be full all day long. Me? Not even close. I ate the fat bomb (and calorie bomb) and needed a full breakfast. I think the only time my desire to eat goes completely away is when I go straight protein, like stillmans. But that is so unsustainable.

Katy - Our "plan" is a once a month date, if not more often. So this is our December date.

The news of the school shooting is really getting to me. I cannot imagine those poor children and those families. My heart is breaking for them. I want to snack and eat and I know it's my stress response and it's not real hunger. But geez, at a time like this, chocolate seems so necessary. I'm not indulging - just drinking crystal light and praying for everyone involved.

[DesertGurl]

Heya Chicky! Enjoy your date night with the hubbs. Oh how I love my nights with my hubby! We haven't been out in a few weeks (trying to save our $ for Vegas next week) which is a record for us.... we try to go out once a week and somewhere mid-week we meet for a coffee after he gets off work on one day.. so nice to be able to just sit and talk without kiddos everywhere!

I have a monster appetite too you are not alone!! I think that's why I always felt like "atkins doesn't work for me".. well, when one finally decides to get real honest with the actual calorie consumption one is REALLY ingesting..it gets frightfully scary! Calories DO count for me and I think that's why JUDDD is working so well. I love it and cannot believe I waited so long to try it! ....well, I do know why..it's called denial!

Trying not to read too much about what's happened today..that stuff affects me deeply to the point of depression. My heart is sad today.

Have a beautiful weekend my friend!

[Potaty]

I am heartbroken too, Amber. Too look at my children, who are just a year or two younger than the ones who died....it's just too much for me. I am trying to toe the line of staying informed on the situation but protecting myself. I feel deeply in situations like this, just like Danielle, and I can easily slip if I let myself feel too much...defense mechanisms are working overtime here.

[AsmallerME]

Danielle and Katy. Y'all are right. I need to stop following the news so much. It's making me depressed and worried beyond words.

Our date was great. We had a wonderful time and I stayed on plan. Had salad, chicken, spinach, and broccoli. All yummy.

Yesterday was fun and busy. Ran errands, wrapped presents, got ds' haircut.

This morning I faced the scale. I'm embarrassed, sad, mad, and angry with my weight. 248. 27 pounds to re-lose.

[Potaty]

Amber, deep breath. I know the scale is not what you wanted or needed it to be, but I want you to focus on the whole picture. You still made progress this year, even though the tail end of it contained a lesson for you, you are and will be successful! You and I both know how hard it is to dig your heels in and keep going and the fact that you are back on plan shows that you want this. Make 2013 *your* year, and fill your head with only positive results regarding your weight. I am not even allowing myself to say,"well, if I get to goal", instead I am saying "when I get to goal." You know how to do this, you lose so well when you are on plan and you are already on your way!

Regarding the shooting, I finally watched some coverage last night. It sickened me and made me cry of course and I can't stick my head in the ground and pretend it didn't happen. I can't ignore those children and adults, they deserve to have their stories and lives imprinted on my heart. As a mom, I certainly don't want to let my mind go to the "what if that was my baby?" question, as the mere thought of that makes me want to have a guttural reaction. I never wanted to scoop them out of their beds and into mine more.