Pooti's Journal, Part II

[Frenchie'sGirl]

I know what you mean about the lovely red...and the lovely white. That is why I am trying to come up wiht a really good low carb cocktail I can indulge in. If I can do that it will help so much!

[pooticus]

Monday July 16, 2012 Pooti Report
Weight 231.2lbs
Mood - 7 (It would be a 10 except for the danged ol scale!)

Oh Diane! I hope you find a good one! I will have you lift a glass for me.

I'm very excited and hope that people find it useful and interesting. That's my biggest concern. That I'm just talkin' to the hand. And that my posts are self-indulgent and not geared toward what people need, instead of what "I" need for vanity's sake - or some pompous idiotic thing like that.

I'm pretty aggravated with myself. I have a final PS visit on Friday with a final fill in the MaryAnne prior to surgery which I think will be in early September. And Saturday we ended up having to eat out twice due to family and schedules...

I made what I thought would be good choices or at least "not-sucky" choices. And there must have been hidden carbs cuz I'm STILL starving today and yesterday couldn't even make it through the day as a DD. Ended up being a MD. My weight is up to 231.2lbs PP this morning.

I did eat 3 very small sweet potato fries. I refuse to believe those were the culprit. I know it's just water weight and that I'm out of ketosis. That will change by Friday - or at least I hope. But I just get so frustrated with the scale (and throwing it out isn't an option). I finally get a glimpse of 225.2lbs and now it's NOWHERE to be seen.

I know I will see it again and will drop down again. And to be fair I am down 1" in my waist and 1" in my butt since my last measurements about 2 months ago. So I know things are happening, I just may not be seeing scale victories. But I wanna see scale victories cuz that's how I roll!

Ok, well will try to get round to journals today and tomorrow. Love you all. Time to go get productive!!! And have to figure out what to make for dinner! Think it's a stir fry night.

Hugs all around! MUAH!

[glamazon]

Hugs, Poot!

[tiggy_oz]

Sorry for not being more helpful poot - I don't really do cooking or parties and don't live in the states so I really don't have anything useful to contribute. Sorry hunny!

Oh dear at the gain. I hear ya on not seeing that scale number can be frustratinggggg!! Haha at - not sucky choices! Its just sucky they like to hide sugars and starches in just about bloody everything! Makes LC'ing out sometimes a real minefield. It will come off and you will be seeing 225 very soon - I can feeeeeeel it!

Good luck on the PS visit! I am excited for ya

[Bejewelme]

poot- tell me about scale woe, OMG 199 came and went for 5 weeks I am so darn disgusted I couldnt hang on, its like WTH is it? You just have to keep at it, and know well you feel better eating this way and what would the alternative be if you didnt give a crap! That is what I think, well I am not thin as I would like to be, but hey I am not letting myself get back to 300 pounds. Its a mental mind game! Did you schedule surgery yet? Now what is the procedure you are having done in Sept?

[kittycitygirl]

Scale woes! Ughhhh! I think we all can gripe about that one! Love hate relationship!

[pooticus]

Ang - and

Tigs - and thanks!! MUAH! No worries!

Amber - You are right. There is no other alternative. If I go back to eating a SAD, I will soon regain all my weight. Same for you. We both gain so quickly at the slightist whim. I do know that the advantages of health happening inside are at least as important as the external.

And to be fair I can't say I'm in a stall. Cuz even though it's been slow, I have lost a couple of pounds to get down to the lowest I've been in almost 12 years. And I've lost an inch in my waist and an inch in my bum over the last 2 months. I just don't get why i haven't lost any corresponding pounds. I don't feel more muscular.

Kitty!!!! LOL yep, they are the scales we love to hate! That's for certain!!!

[tiggy_oz]

I'm so excited that this is all VWT for ya now! Lowest in 12 years is pretty darned exciting! Pity the scales not moving, but at least the inches are going. Perhaps you are doing that water placeholder thing and the scale will catch up soon.

Oh and I have a new journal if you were looking for me. Link is in the signature and the name was inspired by you

[kittycitygirl]

Journal not coming up Tig

[janetsbreeze]

Pooti, have a great day!

[Frenchie'sGirl]

It is exasperating when the scale wont budge isnt it? I know you are trying hard though and you will get rewarded for your effort. Myself I am not moving with the inches or the weight GRRR.

[writermom]

Poot, less junk in your trunk is definitely a good thing! The scale will move eventually. All scales are evil minions with minds of their own.

I joined your new Fluffy Chix blog.

[Bejewelme]

Poot what is SAD???

[tiggy_oz]

Originally Posted by Bejewelme

Poot what is SAD???

Standard American Diet

[Bejewelme]

Oh, LOL Now I got it!

Poot where are you???

[janetsbreeze]

Pooti

[pooticus]

Tigggy!!! Congrats on your new journal with the exciting name! I'm pretty sure we all came up with that new name Bridget, er I mean Tiggy! Will be round shortly to send kisses!

Laura - MUAH! Thanks for the support and encouragement!!! Love ya hon.

Diane - Totally! Totally frustrating. But we do know that our bodies are healing inside while the scale continues to make us its b****!

Amber! Tig said it! Sorry I was late to the ball!

Janet!!! Hope you are feeling better hon!!! MUAH!

Ok, well the blasted scale is finally heading southward again. It's so silly to be pumped up about it. It's still GHDWL. But that's ok. At least I'm heading back into ketosis or at least I think I am, judging from the vast amounts of urine being eliminated! I don't think it helped any that I had to take Vicodin twice this week. I know my poopster doesn't thank me for that, and nor does it help the fluid retention! Oh well. Not takin' em any more so things will settle down. No worries!

Tomorrow is PS visit. *gulp* Don't know what I'm askeered about. It's just a small fill, no big whoop. I guess it's that tomorrow marks the reconstruction line in the sand - officially speaking. I'm going to have to decide once and for all what reconstruction I'm having - if any. And we will book surgery tomorrow. *gulp* Either way.

For me to move forward, he will have to reassure me that as a back sleeper in a recliner chair, I will be able to heal and handle the pain of the surgery. The surgery he is recommending is a bilateral Latissimus Dorsi Flap (muscle graft) and bilater silicone implants using the new "jello jiggler technology".

My concerns are that I can't lay on my sides cuz of breathing issues and arthritis calcifications in my hips. And that I sleep in a recliner chair that has a very stiff mechanism.

My other concern is that I alreay have a deficit from the cancer surgery in my left arm. Despite exercises, I still don't have full range of motion, I have a lack of strength in my shoulder and my arm itself and more of a muscle tremor in that side. I want to be sure the Lat Flap won't make that worse. Cuz it already sucks as is!

And if he can address those issues without a problemo, then I will be having the implants despite my reservations about implants. I just have to give that one to the big guy upstairs.

If not, I will be rockin the Flat Stanley! Either way, it will be a relief to get rid of the these expander mofos!

Eating is good. Haven't been walking cuz of rain and asthma but will begin walking again this weekend.

Excited about the new article and job as a columnist at you know where. You can always visit the blog to get the link. I'm not allowed to mention their name. But that's ok! No worries.

Hope y'all are all doing well. I will continue to get by to visit each of a you a few at a time!!! Love and kisses! me

[writermom]

Good luck with the surgeon tomorrow! Having jello jigglers in your boobies could be a good conversation starter.

[kcmama]

Hope all went well with the PS visit today and that you are able to feel at peace about a decision Pooti. I will go check out your blog again. Haven't been in a bit. Have a good night!

[pooticus]

Hey sweeties! MUAH!

I'm finally back. Today was a really full day!!! I'm wiped out! I will get back in the mornign and fill you all in! Not feeling so good tonight but I will be better in the am! Love yas!

[janetsbreeze]

Yay, glad you are back home and I hope all went well

[Bejewelme]

Poot- anxious to hear about the jigglers and what you decided. One thing with the arms and tummy I learned to sleep quite well on my back all propped like frankenstein, LOL I said it is so funny how you dont move when you have pain, then one day I was on my side and you know you are healing, the body is funny that way.

[pooticus]

Hi guys! Sorry, I forgot to get back here and update! DOH!

So I went to see him and he was like, "So, have you lost weight or are you gaining?"

And I wanted to smack him and say, "What? You can't tell I'm 10lbs lighter than when I was here last?"

But his nurse said she could tell and showed me the pics as evidence. The pics weren't that bad. I got to keep on my trousers. Woot! So it was only nekkidy top. No big deal. Something about there not being any nipples, is um, freeing. It doesn't feel sexual to show my top. Weird.

But he didn't do a last fill. Said that side was fine as it was and he had plenty to work with.

I will have probably 3 surgeries plus tattooing. I might have 4. The first surgery will be to take the muscles from my lats and place them on the bottom halves of my breasts. Depending on how involved that surgery becomes, he will either place new expanders in again, or he will go ahead and swap out the expanders for the jello-jigglers. It's the new kind of silicone that is a gel that stays together even when split.

So if I go ahead and get those placed instead of expanders, then the next thing he will do is go back in and whack off the dog ears which are the extra flaps of flesh they kept on the sides of my boobs to make sure there was enough skin for recon. When he's doing that he will tighten the whole are on my sides and back and get rid of all the back fat! WoooTTT!

The bad news is I have such droopy batwings. And he said it's just too risky to go in and remove it. Cuz of healing and infection. So I will have nice tight back and boobs, but batwings from hell. Talk about "Isn't it Ironic", doncha think? LOL?

Then he will go in and place the nipples.

Then he will do tattooing or else his PA will tattoo.

I don't know how long all of this will take. His nurse is sposed to be scheduling and getting insurance approval this week for the first week or two in September. I'm sposed to be in the hospital for 4 days. Yuk!

I should know more at the end of the week.

He said in the end you just have to trust the science and he said there is absolutely no proof showing up in any of the studies showing a relationship between implants and recurrence or reconstruction and recurrence.

And I kinda just decided, well, my cancer was bad enough that the risk of recurrence is pretty dang high. The chances of me living 5 years are not totally awesome. And if I have to get this stuff again or die from it down the road, then at least I will have some boobs and feel sorta kinda like a woman during that time.

You know? So I'm going for it. I'm skeered. He said it's "not that painful" and I should be fine in the recliner chair on my back. That the nerves get cuz and it's numb. So we'll see! *gulp*

[ceecee08]

You will do fine. And I totally feel you on wanting the jello-jigglers. LOL They do make you feel like a woman. So why not live life fulfilled. Love ya poot.!

[janetsbreeze]

Good for you on making the decision! You have already come so far, the jello jigglers in place you will be able to conquer the world!

[Martini72]

I AGREE!!! GET THOSE BOOBIES AND A FLAT BACK!!!

[pooticus]

) Haha girls. I love each of you so much. You make me smile and feel so good. I've got tears right now! Yeah with Jello Jigglers and a skinny back I will rule the world. The world will be my oyster! *snort*

[janetsbreeze]

[writermom]

Yay for you, Poot!!! Get those new boobs and rock them out! I'm sure Amber can help you pick out some good stuff to show them off right!

[Bejewelme]

Yes I am the queen of cleavage, LOL I am all for jigglers, these darn docs are freaking amazing, hello, have you seen my stomach you are going to have 20 year old boobs, and no joking, you will feel so much better about yourself, you know I lost the mojo, but now since I feel better from the surgery, I am getting it back. WHo cares about the wings you will need them to swat the men away from your awesome boobs!!! LOL My GF had her boob scars tattoo'd. I thought about doing my arm scar but then figured forget it,I am a wuss with needles, LOL
I say go for it, we are women and you deserve to feel sexy and confident you have been through the wringer! I am totally getting a boob lift as soon as I can charge them