TexasMommy: Finding My Way

[TexasMommy]

Hey Everybody! My name is Cass, and I a single Mom to a gorgeous and energetic 9 year old DD, and I recently gave birth to my sweet son on Feb 11, 2011. I am new to this forum, but I am not new to the LC wol. I began my journey in 2008. I spent about two years before finding LC perfectly miserable. I was about 255 pounds at my highest weight; I was a depressed, suicidal, anxiety-ridden mess. I didn't even realize it at the time because when younger, I thought that depression was just something the pill pushers made up so they could market their "happy pills" to all of us sad Americans on TV. I thought that the person I was becoming was just how I had to be, and I lived life trapped inside a (fat) shell of who I once was. In December 2007, one of my best friends growing up was murdered. She was so beautiful inside and out, and I was shocked. My depression deepened initially, but after a few months, I realized that my life was not how it was supposed to be. My daughter deserved the best from me, and I knew that life could be taken away in a heartbeat... you just never know.

The awakening was sudden for me. I sought help with an OB/GYN who put me on Lexapro. That didn't work for me, but I did eventually see a Endo who, after tests, told me I had Metabolic Syndrome. (Syndrome X) She also diagnosed me with PCOS and gave me Metformin (which made me terribly nauseous, so I didn't take it for long). She briefly mentioned dieting (Atkins). I didn't know anything about Atkins then, so after leaving I began the usual low fat, low calorie diet. I lost about 10 pounds over the course of a few months, and I was starving all the time. One day, I went to the bookstore and purchased Dr. Atkin's New Diet Revolution. I read it, and a light bulb went off in my head. He was talking about ME. I immediately began Induction, and within a month, I was down almost 30 pounds.

I set my goal to 150. It was just a number in my head that I wanted to get to. The lowest I got to was 166 lbs back in July 2009. In November 2009, I had a miscarriage, and since then, my weight hasn't been lower than 200 lbs. In May 2010, I found out I was pregnant again. I gained about 44 pounds during pregnancy, and my weight before delivery was 252 lbs. Two weeks after delivery, I was weighed at the doctor's office... I was 222 lbs. I had the Mirena coil placed when I was 7 weeks post partum. I DO NOT respond well to hormonal BC, but my doctor said that the hormone in the Mirena is so minute and it stays localized in the uterus. Anyways, after having it in for a month I began to become depressed and I also could not lose anymore weight. I took the thing out myself on May 13th, 2011.

Today is the first day of the Atkin's Fat Fast. I'm doing it to hopefully jumpstart my metabolism and counter the after effects of the Mirena. I will post about it after a bit.

[TexasMommy]

Before Picture - Taken in April 2007, 255 lbs



After Picture - Taken around May 2009, 170 lbs



Current Picture - Taken in May 2011, 3 months post partum, 220 lbs

[Izzysdream]

Hi Cass!
I love that you have a journal here where we can visit!!! I have to say you rock 220 pounds! I think you look great!
Love you!

Yep, you can out me as Denise

[TexasMommy]

Beginning weight: 219 LBS
I was 216 lbs before this weekend, but knowing I was beginning the Fat Fast, I allowed myself to eat whatever. That included pizza, breaded wings, burritoes, and an oreo milk shake.

I am doing 4 meals per day that total about 300 calories per meal.

Day Total
Fat (87%) Carbs (3%)
Protein (10%) Alcohol (0%)

Meal One - 1.6 oz canned ham, 2 tbl mayo, pepper
Meal Two - 1.6 oz canned ham, 2 tbl mayo, pepper
Meal Three - 1.6 oz canned chicken, 2 tbl mayo, pepper
Meal Four - Coconut bark made w/ 2 tbl coconut oil, 1 tsp peanut butter, splash of Torani SF vanilla syrup, and 1/4 tsp unsweetend cocoa powder

Liquids: Coffee, water, and 2 waters w/ crystal light

Total Calories: 1,192

I've had two meals so far, and I am hungry. It's not terrible, but I am thinking about a juicy steak. (But I usually am anyways! )

I won't weigh again until Saturday morning after I have completed the 5 day Fat Fast.

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

Hi Cass!
I love that you have a journal here where we can visit!!! I have to say you rock 220 pounds! I think you look great!
Love you!

Yep, you can out me as Denise

Thanks Denise! I actually feel pretty damn good too. I'm not anywhere near as self consious as I used to be. I would love to fit into the closet full of clothes I have that no longer fit. Plus, these maternity trousers have got to hit the road. LOL.

TTYL

[Izzysdream]

I've always throught you were beautiful no matter what you weighed! So glad you are feeling more comfortable in your skin. That's huge for us women!
Is T back in your life?

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

I've always throught you were beautiful no matter what you weighed! So glad you are feeling more comfortable in your skin. That's huge for us women!
Is T back in your life?

It is huge, isn't it?

He isn't in my life so much, but he is in the kids' lives. We have talked some about our futures, but we both have doubt holding us back. Right now, everything is working out well with us just being parents. We did have a few too many drinks together one night and well.... u know. He has told me he wants for us to be "good friends" and not in a sexual way. I don't know what he expects from me, and it is easier for me to distance myself from him and go on with my life. He sees that I've been doing that recently, and I can tell it isn't what he wants. Oh well, I never do anything in the way he wants me to do it.

How are you and your friend doing? Is there a connection there?

[TexasMommy]

Well, the hunger was manageable yesterday. It came and went throughout the day, and yesterday evening I was hungry, but I didn't cave.

The coconut bark wasn't great but wasn't gross either. Maybe it was just the strangeness of eating oil. It did cause some stomach discomfort. That went away after a few hours.

This morning I am not hungry and haven't eaten yet. I know that as my hunger goes away, I will have to make sure to eat to keep the calories up.

I am going to eat the same meals as yesterday, but today I am not going to drink any Crystal Light and just stick to water. I probably had about 120 oz yesterday.

Day Total
Fat (87%) Carbs (3%)
Protein (10%) Alcohol (0%)

Meal One - 1.6 oz canned ham, 2 tbl mayo, pepper
Meal Two - 1.6 oz canned ham, 2 tbl mayo, pepper
Meal Three - 1.6 oz canned chicken, 2 tbl mayo, pepper
Meal Four - Coconut bark made w/ 2 tbl coconut oil, 1 tsp peanut butter, splash of Torani SF vanilla syrup, and 1/4 tsp unsweetend cocoa powder

Liquids: Coffee, water

Total Calories: 1,192

[Izzysdream]

Your doing great sweetie!
I'm not rushing into anything. I learned my lesson with B. There are already a couple red flags that I will pay attention to. I'm hoping he'll be willing to keep it as a friendship, because we do have fun together. I'm meeting someone new that I've been talking to about a week or so. He also has a motorcycle. He is definitely only looking for a riding partner and not a romantic thing. I'm all over that. The last thing I need is a romantic thing right now.

B emailed me a couple of days ago:
"Hope things are going as well as can be expected, I'll always have a place for you in my heart. Anyway I bought a new used car today and I'm doing the best I can.
I know you don't want to hear it but I love you"

I didn't respond, but have been thinking about him hard for 2 days. I'm mourning the good times and the initial dream that we'd spend the rest of our lives together....
Ha, I miss kissing that man damn it....
Just need time and lots of space for these feelings to lessen and eventually pass...

[TexasMommy]

Yesterday went pretty much as planned except I did succumb to Crystal Light... 2 packs. I also threw away the two remaining Coconut Bark servings I had because the thought of them made me want to spew. Instead, I had 1.6 oz of chicken with 2 Tbl Mayo and 1 HB Egg Yolk mixed in.

I'm out of Mayo at the house, so I mixed today's meals with Cream Cheese. After logging my food in ******, I can see that using CC instead of Mayo will result in less Calories, More Protein, and Less Fat... not good. I guess I can raid the fridge at work and steal some poor guy's Mayo...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I can get 2 Tbl Mayo, my day will look like this:
Fat (84%) Carbs (2%)
Protein (14%) Alcohol (0%)


Meal One - 1 oz cream cheese w/ 2.5 oz chopped ham add 1 stolen Tbl Mayo
Meal Two - 1 oz cream cheese w/ 2.5 oz chopped ham add 1 stolen Tbl Mayo
Meal Three - 1.6 Oz chopped ham w/ 2 Tbl Mayo
Meal Four - 1 oz cream cheese w/ 1 teaspoon pb and splash sf french vanilla torani
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've decided to do Stillman's for each work week after completing this 5 Day Fat Fast, and on weekends I will do Atkin's Induction. I would really love to lose 40 or more pounds by the time we have our Coordinator get together in Denver on August 4th. I know that is a lofty goal, but that's how I do things.

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by TexasMommy

Yesterday went pretty much as planned except I did succumb to Crystal Light... 2 packs. I also threw away the two remaining Coconut Bark servings I had because the thought of them made me want to spew. Instead, I had 1.6 oz of chicken with 2 Tbl Mayo and 1 HB Egg Yolk mixed in.

I'm out of Mayo at the house, so I mixed today's meals with Cream Cheese. After logging my food in ******, I can see that using CC instead of Mayo will result in less Calories, More Protein, and Less Fat... not good. I guess I can raid the fridge at work and steal some poor guy's Mayo...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If I can get 2 Tbl Mayo, my day will look like this:
Fat (84%) Carbs (2%)
Protein (14%) Alcohol (0%)


Meal One - 1 oz cream cheese w/ 2.5 oz chopped ham add 1 stolen Tbl Mayo
Meal Two - 1 oz cream cheese w/ 2.5 oz chopped ham add 1 stolen Tbl Mayo
Meal Three - 1.6 Oz chopped ham w/ 2 Tbl Mayo
Meal Four - 1 oz cream cheese w/ 1 teaspoon pb and splash sf french vanilla torani
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've decided to do Stillman's for each work week after completing this 5 Day Fat Fast, and on weekends I will do Atkin's Induction. I would really love to lose 40 or more pounds by the time we have our Coordinator get together in Denver on August 4th. I know that is a lofty goal, but that's how I do things.

You can do it!!! I've had the coco crack in my fridge for a month - I need to throw it out. A lot of people love it, I can take or leave it...

[TexasMommy]

This diet is kicking my azz I will admit it! I've been dizzy with low energy most of today. I'm not hungry right now which is a plus. Two more days to go!! I can't wait to weigh in Saturday and post my results. :-)

[TexasMommy]

I feel good right now, and I'm not hungry at all. I have yet to eat breakfast, but will do so soon. My only complaint is that my memory is suffering!!

Meal One - 2.5 oz chicken w/ 2 tbl mayo
Meal Two - 2.5 oz chicken w/ 2 tbl mayo
Meal Three - 2.5 oz chicken w/ 1 oz cream cheese and 1 tbl coconut oil

Water, water, water - I drink about 120 oz a day or more.
I also use a couple Crystal Lights.

Fat (76%) Carbs (2%)
Protein (22%) Alcohol (0%)

Total Calories - 1,011

[Izzysdream]

You are doing so well. Here's to a big loss on Saturday!!!
I love that you are here!!!

[TexasMommy]

I caved and weighed myself a few minutes ago. 215 pounds. :-) down 4 pounds so far since Monday.

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by TexasMommy

I caved and weighed myself a few minutes ago. 215 pounds. :-) down 4 pounds so far since Monday.

WooHoo!!!

[TexasMommy]

I thought I was going to quit and give up around day 3, but here I am!

I didn't plan well today, so I have no food to eat at work.
I will go to a convience store at lunch time and come up with something Fat Fast friendly.

Beginning Weight Monday: 219 lbs
Weight on Morning of Day 5: 212 lbs

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by TexasMommy

I thought I was going to quit and give up around day 3, but here I am!

I didn't plan well today, so I have no food to eat at work.
I will go to a convience store at lunch time and come up with something Fat Fast friendly.

Beginning Weight Monday: 219 lbs
Weight on Morning of Day 5: 212 lbs

Woot! Happy Friday Sweetie!

Just when thoughts of B diminished, he dropped the sheet in my mailbox this morn. I gave it to him to keep in his motorcycle. It was handy for sprawling out in a park. Ahhh.
Thanks B! now I don't have to get one for J's bike! LOL

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

Woot! Happy Friday Sweetie!

Just when thoughts of B diminished, he dropped the sheet in my mailbox this morn. I gave it to him to keep in his motorcycle. It was handy for sprawling out in a park. Ahhh.
Thanks B! now I don't have to get one for J's bike! LOL

Happy Friday to you too Denise!!

LOL, figures something would happen like that. You got the right idea though girl! Love ya!

[Izzysdream]

Have a good weekend sweetie!

[TexasMommy]

Well, this weekend I saw a low weight of 210, and this morning I am 213 lbs.

I'm not going to do Stillman's. I just can't stomach LF meats, and I know my calories would continue to be below 1200 which I don't believe is good for my body. Anywho, I have been doing Atkins Induction since Sunday.

I have had a really sore throat since Saturday morning. I am also soooo freaking fatigued. I felt like a walking zombie all weekend trying to take care of my 3 month old and my 9 year old. I felt this same way exactly two weeks ago: sore throat, fatigue. I have scheduled a doctor's appointment this afternoon at 4. Guess I better see if I have Strep or something.

Today's Food:
B-coffee, creamer, sweet low, one strip bacon
L- Green Beans, smoked sausage
D-Cookout at Parents; salad, chicken n veggie kabobs

I'm trying to drink water but my throat is killin me. ughhhhh.

[Izzysdream]

Glad you are going to the doctor sweetie. Hope you feel better soon!

[tifftopf]

Hello again! I did read a few of your earlier posts.. you look great at your current weight btw! Anywho, I looked up that stillmans diet you mentioned.. I dont think I could do it!!!Cutting out carbs is one thing-but I think I need to be able to use fat and butter...that's the aspect that keeps me sane!!! (and full probably). I was wondering what the purpose of a fat fast is??

I am a single mom of a 7 and 2 year old myself, so I know how difficult it can be to feel fatigued and poopy on a diet. so far so good for me though, only the first 3 or four days were queezy

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by tifftopf

Hello again! I did read a few of your earlier posts.. you look great at your current weight btw! Anywho, I looked up that stillmans diet you mentioned.. I dont think I could do it!!!Cutting out carbs is one thing-but I think I need to be able to use fat and butter...that's the aspect that keeps me sane!!! (and full probably). I was wondering what the purpose of a fat fast is??

I am a single mom of a 7 and 2 year old myself, so I know how difficult it can be to feel fatigued and poopy on a diet. so far so good for me though, only the first 3 or four days were queezy

I couldn't do Stillman's either. I love my fatty meat and all the tasty things that I can have with it! The Atkins Fat Fast (from his book) is to be used if one is Metabolically Resistant. I did the 5 day fat fast to get the scale moving again after I stopped losing weight when I got the Mirena IUD placed.

I'm glad you're doing good with the diet. I'm going to go catch up on your journal.

Thanks for stopping by!

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

Glad you are going to the doctor sweetie. Hope you feel better soon!

Thanks Denise, the doc told me "you have a bad throat infection", and I was thinking REALLY?? WHAT A SURPRISE (sarcasm)...

Anyways, I have an antibiotic and still feel crummy. Hopefully it kicks in soon.

[Izzysdream]

<<<<<HUGS>>>>>

[TexasMommy]

I'm going to use Monday morning as a weekly weigh in day, so I won't post weights until then.

I felt so bad after going to the doc's yesterday afternoon that I couldn't hardly speak and deff didn't want to swallow.

Dinner was a cookout at my parents house. I had brought over a huge package of marinated chicken breasts (bought for Stillman's diet and I hate chk breasts!) and they used those and some steak to make kabobs. I had a couple pieces of potatoe, and I also indulged in two bowls of homemade vanilla icecream... I had two shots of whiskey with my dinner in some hot tea, and finally I was able to talk and swallow without pain.

Today's Food:
b- coffee
l- leftover kabob fixin's. zucchini, chicken, steak, onion, bell and jalapeno peppers with ranch dressing
d- i'm not sure yet

[TexasMommy]

Yesterday I made chicken thighs and a few chicken wings and a pasta side dish for the kiddo and my ex. I wasn't hungry so didn't eat.

Today's Food
b- multivit, antibiotic, small amount of zuchinni, onion, small piece of chicken
l- leftover chicken thighs and a couple chicken wings w/ wing sauce and mayo
d- not sure

[Izzysdream]

Hope you are feeling better. My shins are better today. Still red and tight, but not throbbing. It was my first time out in the sun this summer. I was reading in the shade and had my legs (just above the knees and down) stuck out on the lounge chair in full sun. Ouch! I was diligent about keeping my tattoo slathered with sunscreen oil though..

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

Hope you are feeling better. My shins are better today. Still red and tight, but not throbbing. It was my first time out in the sun this summer. I was reading in the shade and had my legs (just above the knees and down) stuck out on the lounge chair in full sun. Ouch! I was diligent about keeping my tattoo slathered with sunscreen oil though..

I am feeling sooo much better today, thanks. I'm glad your shins feel better. I haven't been out in the sun much this year either... and I can get red too. It sure can sneak up on you.. especially when you are relaxed and enjoying yourself!

I can tell you take good care of your ink... it looks great!