TexasMommy: Finding My Way

[TexasMommy]

Hola Amber. Yep my ex is Anthony. We did talk Saturday, but we did not finish talking. We have a lot do discuss and think about, and we didn't get to the hard stuff. He did say that if we try again, he wants to wait until he finishes school or at least has a job. He said he doesn't want me supporting him... that's a first considering where we have been at times in the past. I'm proud of him, and I'm not going to rush into anything so waiting doesn't bother me.

[Bejewelme]

Oh the Anthony's how we love them, LOL Well that is good he is the one in the Facebook pics? He is handsome!!! Better to go slow and let it happen then rush it!

[TexasMommy]

Yes, LOL, my first and only love! Yeah, that's him. He is handsome, and I think he doesn't look his age at all! I'm going to post up some of my son's birthday pics in a minute, Tony is in them too.

[TexasMommy]

Well, weight was up to 207.5 this morning. Yesterday my boss put the 42" flat panel in the breakroom right next to the scale, so I'm encouraged to get my butt in gear to win the thing. I think I'm in 7th place right now LOL.

Today I'm beginning an Egg Fast. I will do it until Monday. I'm not going strick eggs only, I am going to have some cheese, mayo, pickle relish, franks, and oil to add variety and I'm having COFFEE with half and half. I know the first few days I will need to eat lots of eggs to feel full.

Today's Plan:
B- 4 eggs fried in oil, coffee w/ half n half, sweet n low
L- 4 hb egg salad w/ mayo, dill relish, spices
D- 4 Eggs Scrambled in Butta with Cheddar and Franks Hot Sauce
Lots of Water!

Man, I'm missing my Hood Milk already LOL.

[Izzysdream]

Happy Valentines Cass!

[Bejewelme]

Happy VD, OK yeah I want to see pics, go to the Badger thread I laid it all out there for ya!

[TexasMommy]

***runs from Badger thread and hides in corner of journal***

I know Amber, I have felt so guilty giving up on giving up smokes. I do know myself though, and I will try again in the near future. Maybe the Ecig isn't what I need to quit. I just don't know how I can go cold turkey... when I'm ready to recommit, I will explore other avenues. Love ya!

[TexasMommy]

Yesterday afternoon at 2:30 I got a call from my DD's school nurse that she lost a tooth and that it had bled for 30 minutes, and they could not get it to stop. I had my Dad pick her up and I met him at urgent care. A nurse looked at it and said if it didn't stop by 4:30 to take her back in. They gave us gauze and said to wet it a little and put it in the freezer till cold and then place it in the hole. Finally, right at about 4:30 it stopped. Good grief! I was worried about her. Then through all the commotion, we forgot to pick up her best friend from the bus stop down the street. My Dad remembered this morning. God, my Mom felt terrible!

I need to make a grocery list today, and I think I am going to go sign up at the gym. I'm not feeling very good lately, and I think it is guilt from smoking again and the fact that I haven't been to the gym since my 2 week free membership ended. Plus, things were put on hold w/ my ex and I'm not going to even get into how I feel about that. The other guy I have been seeing took off this weekend so we can hang out. Hopefully getting out this weekend will shake me from this funk.

I stopped the egg fast yesterday LOL. No way I could or would want to do it for almost a week. Dinner was 2 hamburger patties w/ relish, mayo, lc ketchup, mustard. Lots of condiments

Today's Plan:
B- 3 eggs fried and 1 hamburger patty, a1 sauce
L- Salad w/ cheddar, italian dressing, and maybe a tuna pouch if I have one hidden in my office somewhere
S- cheese stick or pudding
D- roast beef with salad or other veggies

[Bejewelme]

Oh hun, you got a lot going on, I am not going to yell at you for smoking, I smoked a lot longer and I know it wont happen til you are ready, my only advice is set a date like out there and think about it you dont have to tell anyone like just think about it and someday it will hit you!

Terrible about DD, glad she is oK, sorry about the men troubles, you have a lot on your plate, you need more than an egg, LOL

[TexasMommy]

Sitting here reading my Fitness and Wellness book for my college Lifetime Fitness course, and I'm enjoying reading the weight-loss chapter that blast Atkins as a fad diet that causes you to lose protein tissue and long-term adherence to the diet "increases the risk for heart disease, cancer, and kidney or bone damage." How lovely.

[TexasMommy]

Weight Today: 205

I had put a roast in the crockpot yesterday morning before work on the Low setting, and when I got home and checked it around 5:30 PM it wasn't cooked yet! I had been looking forward to not cooking LOL. I turned it on high and let it cook till 9. I made spaghetti for my kids and my ex. I had the sauce with hamburger meat with parm cheese and a side salad.

Today's Food Plan:
B-leftover spaghetti sauce w/ hambuger meat and cheddar cheese, coffee
L- roast
S-String Cheese
D- roast and salad

[TexasMommy]

Weight Today: 205 lbs

Slowly creeping towards Onderland!

Purchased tickets for myself, DD, and my Mom and Dad for Disney World this summer. I should get them in early March just in time to surpise DD with them on her Birthday.

Food Plan:
B- Roast w/ two fried eggs, A1 sauce, coffee
L- Meeting coworker for meeting at Chilli's in a nearby town, steak?? I will look up an online menu
D- ?? Not sure yet!

Have a great weekend everybody! My BFF will be in town later, but she has got some major shizz going on in her life right now. Saturday I'm going to try and get her to go out w/ me and drink away her woes for an evening. She said she hasn't eaten in two days, so I will take her out to dinner too. Love that girl, and life seems to turn on her just when things look up.

[Bejewelme]

Oh hun you got a got weigh in, watch the drinking so you can hang on over the weekend, and win your prize at work!!!! Man my crockpot overcooks stuff I put i ton low and it is freaking burnt, I broke my favorite one, the one I have now i love the shape but hate the heat!! DD is going to flip with those tickets!!!

Have a good weekend,some girl time will be good for ya!

[TexasMommy]

Thanks for the encouragement Amber!

I did fall off the wagon Saturday night after my friend and I went out we stopped at Waffle House. I'm trying to get back into a positive and healthy mindset right now. TOM is approaching within the week, and I am feeling tired, depressed, unmotivated.

[Bejewelme]

Oh man Waffle House the crack house, I love that place, they have the best coffee! LOL And the smell of those freaking carb laded waffles, LOL I know it is tough when you go at this so long you just wan tto forget it, but it is hard because then you can gain so quickly! Hang in there hun!

[TexasMommy]

Thanks Amber! Yes, I did have a waffle LOL!

Today has been okay so far.

B- Coffee
L- Ribeye w sauted mushrooms, seasoned veggies (ate some carrot), salad w/ ranch dressing at SaltGrass
D- not sure yet

My friend is coming over this evening so I can help her do a resume. She basically invited herself over, and I've been putting it off but now she's just getting on my nerves about it and making me feel guilty like I'M the one keeping her from finding a job LMAO!!

[Bejewelme]

Gotta love friends like that, LOL

[TexasMommy]

Yep! She did come over, and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought it would be. Her daughters came over and played with my DD. Gosh Amber, your surgery is almost here!! I can't wait until you get to feeling better and that damn scale gives you the numbers you so want and deserve!

Today's Food:
B- mom's leftover broccoli, alfredo, hamburger thing
L- mom's leftover steak, cheese stick, frozen omelet
D- not sure, maybe another frozen omelet.
Water, booze (hey it's FRIDAY!!! lol), coffee w/ half n half

[Bejewelme]

Hey honey just checking in on ya!! Hope you are having a good weekend!

[TexasMommy]

Weight: 204

Weekend was okay! Had some drama with my ex.

Today is my late best friend's birthday. She would have been 28 years old today. She was murdered in 2007. Today always gets to me, hell almost every day I think about her and how her bright light is missing from here.

Food Plan Today:
B- coffee
L- chicken tenders, cheese stick, 1 frozen omelet
D- not sure yet

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by TexasMommy

Weight: 204

Weekend was okay! Had some drama with my ex.

Today is my late best friend's birthday. She would have been 28 years old today. She was murdered in 2007. Today always gets to me, hell almost every day I think about her and how her bright light is missing from here.

Food Plan Today:
B- coffee
L- chicken tenders, cheese stick, 1 frozen omelet
D- not sure yet

Sorry sweetie, sending big hugs!!!

[TexasMommy]

Weight 204.5

TOM Day 5

Funny and irritating story, I used my new mentrual cup at the beginning of this cycle. Well, day 3 I dropped it in the loo and literally flushed the dam thing down the toliet. Nothing like flushing hard earned money down the toliet huh.

Today Food:
B- coffee, meatballs, pizza sauce, cheddar
L- chicken breast, cheese stick, ketsup
D- good question

I had a physical exam scheduled this morning, but they called and said the doc is out today, so I rescheduled for next week. I really need to get a CBC done to check my iron levels. Also need to check thyroid. It's always been okay in the past, but my Mom and Grandma are hypo and I am feeling so tired lately.

Work sucks today, I'm going to go smoke a cig.

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

Sorry sweetie, sending big hugs!!!

Thank you Denise. Needed the hugs!

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by TexasMommy

Thank you Denise. Needed the hugs!

Here's smooches too!!!

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

Here's smooches too!!!

[TexasMommy]

My Mom called to tell me my cousin Leah is in ICU in a coma. She vomitted in her sleep, and when she didn't get up to the alarm clock, her husband went to check on her and she was unresponsive. God, I am praying so hard. Please, she is only 27 years old and her children and family need her here.

[Izzysdream]

Originally Posted by TexasMommy

My Mom called to tell me my cousin Leah is in ICU in a coma. She vomitted in her sleep, and when she didn't get up to the alarm clock, her husband went to check on her and she was unresponsive. God, I am praying so hard. Please, she is only 27 years old and her children and family need her here.

I'm so sorry Cass, sending prayers for Leah, her family and you.

[TexasMommy]

Originally Posted by Izzysdream

I'm so sorry Cass, sending prayers for Leah, her family and you.

Thank you Denise, prayers are needed and so appreciated.

[TexasMommy]

My cousin is still in a coma. She began blinking her eyes yesterday, and her doctors put her back in a medically induced coma. I just don't know. They don't know why or what happened. There is some speculation about things amongst my family, but I just don't want that to be true - I just can't understand someone wanting to hurt her. My Aunt will have them check for drugs in her system to see if she was drugged. Sometime this morning they are going to bring her out of the coma and if she passes a test they give her they will let her stay out of the coma - if not, they will put her back. My parents got my Aunt a flight, and she made it to Minnesota around midnight last night.

Weight-wise: I'm at 203 this morning, but I drank heavily last night so it's water loss. I talked to my ex for several hours last night, and I learned some things that make me believe that he is never going to change and he is becoming more like his father every day. I just can't live my life that way - I will never be like his Mother, a person who bows down to her husband and has no say so at all about anything - and she likes it that way and truly believes she is doing right by her family and God. Maybe she is, hell I don't know... but that is not me. I have opinions, I voice them and I want to be loved either way and not put down or be "stepping out of my place" just because I don't do or say things a certain way. I think he's going though something like a mid-life crisis. He's 38, wants another child - and the woman he is with told him she would give that to him. He can't even take care of our son right now, wth?

I don't know what my food plan is for today. I'm sipping my coffee right now, but I don't have anything to eat for breakfast or lunch today. I guess I will go pick up a salad for lunch.

[Bejewelme]

Oh my hun, I am so sorry about your cousin, Gosh she is so young, I will be praying for her, and you know what as nice as it is to end up with the Dad of your kids, if it is not right it is better to not be with him! It is never good for the kids to see an unhealthy relationship. Now my son sees his father with his new wife and he even says I can see why you guys didnt last, kids are way smarter than us adults!