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Old 12-06-2012, 09:14 AM   #361
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It really is Denise! I will still have to pay some because I don't think Financial Aid will cover it all, but still that is great!

I feel so fat today jeez. The slacks I am wearing are tight around my waist, and they are size 16. No way I'm going to get 18s. Nope.. no way.. no how!

I don't feel the need to binge, so the carbs and sugar demon is out of my system - now it is time to reign in the calories.

My ex was over after dropping the kids off last night, and we talked some about disciplining our toddler son. Jax has been throwing fits and during them he purposefully hits his head on things (floors, walls, tables, random nearby stuff). For example, he woke up last Sunday from his nap in a terrible mood and for several hours he was just so unhappy no matter what I did to make him cheerful. He hit his head many times and ended up with a HUGE self-inflicted bump smack dab on the middle of his forehead. I gave him some Tylenol and eventually he was back to his normal happy, easygoing self. He doesn't throw many fits like that with me, but when his Dad has him apparently he does it often. Well, my ex spanks him and says that he needs to learn not to bang his head and that he only does it for attention. He and I DO NOT AGREE on how to discipline. I don't believe that hitting him as a punishment for him hurting HIMSELF is the correct action. I can't change how my ex disciplines his son though, and I'm trying to see his views. We both think we are right... I personally believe that timeout is better. If Jax is supposedly doing it for attention, then sitting him in timeout seems like the smart choice because then he's learning he does not get attention. But instead, his Dad thinks that getting a spanking will work.

I was spanked as a kid. Did it cause me detrimental physchological problems? No. And I love my parents, and I know they did it with my best interests at heart. As long as you are not abusing your children, I do not think any less of parents that use controlled spanking as a discipline method. I guess it's just hard for me since his father and I are not together, we don't make these decisions together either. So that leaves us doing two different parenting things each week. Anthony only sees Jax for a few hours each week, but I notice a rather big change in Jax after I get him back. His behaviour changes and he throws more fits. I don't know if it's because he misses his Dad after the day he sees him, or if it is the change in discipline. I have seen my ex get angry with him and raise his voice and swat him on the butt, and Jax just freaks out. I just needed to vent, I guess. My ex knows how it makes me feel, and I know that my ex thinks I'm too "soft" on Jax.
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Old 12-07-2012, 02:51 PM   #362
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Oh that would be so hard to deal with, does you daughter go too? Can she affirm what he tells you about disciplining Jax? If he is doing it for attention, then spanking him would give him negative attention. I agree with you about the time outs...
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Old 12-10-2012, 09:52 AM   #363
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Oh that would be so hard to deal with, does you daughter go too? Can she affirm what he tells you about disciplining Jax? If he is doing it for attention, then spanking him would give him negative attention. I agree with you about the time outs...
He has the kids on Mondays and Wednesdays right now... he sees Caity on Wednesdays and it's only for 3 hours. I have seen him spank him and Caity tells me he does over there as well. I know there isn't anything I can do about it...
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Old 12-10-2012, 10:02 AM   #364
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I haven't weighed. I just don't have the heart to right now. I have finally came to the realization that I'm depressed. I don't know why it took me so long to recognize the signs - I guess I have really been denying them, but it's time to turn that around somehow. I've been reading up on St. John's Wort, and I may try that. I don't want to take any anti-depressants though. I'm going to start cleaning out my garage this evening after I get dinner in the oven. I really need the exercise and this is something I've been putting off doing for a year now. I am hoping that actually doing it will boost my spirits.

B- sausage links, HWC gravy with onions, coffee, sf creamer, sweet n low
L- small amount of green beans, spaghetti and meat sauce, cheese
D- Meatloaf with green beans and mashed cauliflower
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Old 12-10-2012, 04:42 PM   #365
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I haven't weighed. I just don't have the heart to right now. I have finally came to the realization that I'm depressed. I don't know why it took me so long to recognize the signs - I guess I have really been denying them, but it's time to turn that around somehow. I've been reading up on St. John's Wort, and I may try that. I don't want to take any anti-depressants though. I'm going to start cleaning out my garage this evening after I get dinner in the oven. I really need the exercise and this is something I've been putting off doing for a year now. I am hoping that actually doing it will boost my spirits.

B- sausage links, HWC gravy with onions, coffee, sf creamer, sweet n low
L- small amount of green beans, spaghetti and meat sauce, cheese
D- Meatloaf with green beans and mashed cauliflower
The exercise will help lift your spirits...
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Old 12-11-2012, 07:58 AM   #366
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The exercise will help lift your spirits...
Maybe if I would have done it... It is so cold that I didn't get out to the garage, and I probably won't for a while. I do need to do SOMETHING though! I'm going to try to do a tiny bit of exercise and build up from there. Even if it is just walking around the house, I need to stop being such a bum.
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:05 AM   #367
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I am really working on eating normal sized portions and not the super-size me portions I have been eating for months. Yesterday was sucessful. My new vice has been heavy cream, so I'm going to stop buying it. On the bright side, I will save some $$$. I am also going to use the pantry and frozen ingredients I have before going to the store and buying more food. Yesterday's dinner was meatloaf with salad. Today's lunch is the same. I have frozen veggies I need to incorporate into today's dinner.
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Old 12-11-2012, 08:59 PM   #368
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Today's Weight: 233

I am really working on eating normal sized portions and not the super-size me portions I have been eating for months. Yesterday was sucessful. My new vice has been heavy cream, so I'm going to stop buying it. On the bright side, I will save some $$$. I am also going to use the pantry and frozen ingredients I have before going to the store and buying more food. Yesterday's dinner was meatloaf with salad. Today's lunch is the same. I have frozen veggies I need to incorporate into today's dinner.
I'm doing the same with the freezer. Bought a bunch of tilapia this summer I didn't eat, made up a bunch of pork on Friday or Saturday, it turne out too dry.
I forget what's buried at the bottom, it gets freezer burn and I end up throwing it out.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:59 AM   #369
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I forgot yesterday when I wrote my post that our company Christmas party was that evening. I took my Dad with me as my guest. I had a large ribeye steak, salad, and green beans. I didn't eat the baked potato, but I did eat the delicious "it's better than sex" cake. Sorry, I just couldn't resist lol. The party was nice! I won a $100 Walmart giftcard, and I got a nice jacket with our company logo and "5 Years of Service" embroidered onto it. I was also given a plaque and I was able to choose a gift from a website. Also, the guys gave me a Christmas card with over $600 in cash stuffed inside it. That has been a tradition that they have done since I began the first year. They are so good to me. I am blessed to work with such a wonderful group of people.

Even after all the wonderfulness, my mood is still poor. It still seems strange how quickly the cloud of depression covered me. I'm going today after work to get the St. John's Wort and I pray it helps. I'm so afraid to end up where I was several years ago. I don't want to spend every waking moment wishing I was dead. I have so much to be thankful for, and I truly love life and my family...
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Old 12-12-2012, 08:59 PM   #370
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Oh yes, please get something as soon as possible Cass, don't want you to go to that dark place.
What a wonderful Christmas party, and you are so right they are really good to you.
Youre lucky, lots of folks kinda hate where they are working...
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Old 12-13-2012, 07:32 AM   #371
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Oh yes, please get something as soon as possible Cass, don't want you to go to that dark place.
What a wonderful Christmas party, and you are so right they are really good to you.
Youre lucky, lots of folks kinda hate where they are working...
I ordered a light for light therapy. I hope it helps! I am actually feeling better today. I started my period this morning. My cycle was 43 days, so that may have been part of the problem! That was some awful PMS!!!

I know, that is true Denise... my Dad works for the Post Office and he is really unhappy there.
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Old 12-13-2012, 07:43 AM   #372
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I got dressed too quickly this morning, and I didn't feel like weighing with my clothes on. Plus TOM started.

My daughter asked for footie pajamas for Christmas. I think they have some at Target for her size. She is pretty tall though, so hopefully they fit her. I'm going to look for them when I get off work tomorrow.
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Old 12-13-2012, 05:48 PM   #373
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Hey lady, Got home at 7pm tonight and had to make meatballs for the pot luck at school tomorrow. Exhausted. Leaving school after the potluck at around 1pm. Going to workout and head home and veggg! Ahhh. lol
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:23 AM   #374
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Hey lady, Got home at 7pm tonight and had to make meatballs for the pot luck at school tomorrow. Exhausted. Leaving school after the potluck at around 1pm. Going to workout and head home and veggg! Ahhh. lol
Good! That will be some well deserved down time!!
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:28 AM   #375
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I feel soooo much better now that my period started! I thought I was spiraling into depression, but I feel like myself again!! I'm going to have to keep track of my moods and see how they coincide with my cycle.

I am meeting my coworker for lunch in a town 1.5 hours away. I'm looking forward to seeing her! I need to get her a Christmas gift. I just haven't done it yet. She's really into antiques and decorating her beautiful restored farmhouse. I just suck at that stuff lol. We are meeting at Chili's, and I am going to get a steak and possibly a stiff drink.
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Old 12-15-2012, 11:38 AM   #376
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No relaxin' for me, sat at the clinic for 3 hours after school waiting to get an antibiotic!! LOL
Have a good weekend!
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:12 AM   #377
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No relaxin' for me, sat at the clinic for 3 hours after school waiting to get an antibiotic!! LOL
Have a good weekend!
I hope that the antibiotics are working and you are feeling better!
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Old 12-17-2012, 08:24 AM   #378
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I had a nice weekend. DD had a choir concert on Sunday. I had to have her at the Performing Arts center at 2:30 and the program began at 3:00. We picked up my boyfriend on the way to the concert, and after getting DD to the drop off room, we sat with my toddler son in the auditorium. The performances are professionally recorded, so any loud children or crying babies are asked to leave and sit in the lobby areas. Well, he did pretty good until the last performances. He was sitting on my lap and was eating a candy cane. My Mom handed me a baby wipe so that I could wipe his hands after he finished the candy, and he took it and was chewing on it. I held out my hand to get the pieces because he had began to shred it, and well, that didn't go over well because he took it from his mouth and threw a piece which landed on the gentleman's shoulder in front of us. Another piece went flying three rows up and landed in an old lady's lap. God, I was embarrassed. My Mom took him out to walk around, but I could hear him occassionally yelling "Mom!" The concert was almost over at that point, so I left to go take care of the little man. Still, all in all, a good time and DS behaved pretty well for a 22 month old.
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Old 12-17-2012, 04:23 PM   #379
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Feeling much better and yes, DS was pretty well behaved for a 22 month old!!!
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Old 12-18-2012, 08:03 AM   #380
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Today is TOM day 6, so it's winding down and almost over. I got my SAD light and this morning I have been using it for over an hour. It has given me a slight headache, but I think as my body gets used it that will diminish over time. It is 9" tall and sitting on my desk. As the guys walk by my office, they all exclaim and ask what the hell it is. So, all morning I've explained what it is used for - about 15 times so far.
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Old 12-18-2012, 08:56 PM   #381
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I got my SAD light and this morning I have been using it for over an hour. It has given me a slight headache, but I think as my body gets used it that will diminish over time. It is 9" tall and sitting on my desk. As the guys walk by my office, they all exclaim and ask what the hell it is. So, all morning I've explained what it is used for - about 15 times so far.
cool, keep us updated on how it affects you..
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Old 12-19-2012, 07:23 AM   #382
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I still haven't gotten my financial aid, so yesterday I set up a payment plan and paid 25% of my tuition and fees for next semester. I called the financial aid office, and the woman said they were just swamped but that it would be applied sometime.

Then I checked my school email, and one of the classes I was waitlisted for is now available to me if I register by 12/21/12. I think I would like to go ahead and take it, but I need to be realistic. That would be 4 classes, a full time job, and two kids lol. Plus, I don't know how I can pay for another course. Oh well. I will think about it today and decide later.

I found out my brother and SIL and the kids will be coming for Christmas!! I am so excited to hear that, and I can't wait to see them. I wanna snuggle with my 7 month old Nephew so badly! I've only met him twice.
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Old 12-20-2012, 07:15 AM   #383
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Well, I'm officially sick which stinks. Why do I have to always be sick at Christmas time?! I want to hold my baby Nephew, but if I don't feel better quick I won't be able to. I'm popping Vit C like candy, so hopefully something gives soon!

I downloaded Brain Over Binge to my phone, and I'm to Part 2. I hope that I can use the info in the book to stop myself from bingeing in the future.
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Old 12-21-2012, 08:40 PM   #384
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Well, I'm officially sick which stinks. Why do I have to always be sick at Christmas time?! I want to hold my baby Nephew, but if I don't feel better quick I won't be able to. I'm popping Vit C like candy, so hopefully something gives soon!

I downloaded Brain Over Binge to my phone, and I'm to Part 2. I hope that I can use the info in the book to stop myself from bingeing in the future.
Glad you're reading it!!! So sorry you are sick, will you able to get rest this weekend? Get some echinacea and zinc too!!
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Old 12-27-2012, 07:24 AM   #385
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Christmas was nice. The kids had a great time and got lots of fun toys and gifts. There was still some sadness in the air though because my brother and SIL and the kids couldn't make it from El Paso because their kids had the flu, and also my Uncle is in prison and that really makes my Mom and Grandmother sad, especially this time of year. I probably had 4 or 5 glasses of eggnog on Christmas morning, and I ate whatever I wanted at lunch. I didn't have any dessert because I was too full, and I got back on plan for dinner with an Atkins frozen meal.

I have been back on plan with a few cravings, but I'm still holding steady.
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Old 12-27-2012, 09:50 AM   #386
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I have been back on plan with a few cravings, but I'm still holding steady.
Good for you! I really blew it on christmas, but back on track...
OMIGOD, I'd love it if you moved here! Great state parks and gorgeous parks thoughout st. louis, rivers, pretty cheap to live here!

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Old 01-03-2013, 08:41 AM   #387
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Well, it's a new year! To celebrate, I broke up with my BF. Lovely, huh? I feel bad, but I can't maintain a relationship, and he is wanting to move too quickly. I really need to focus on taking care of myself. I have purchased a semi-recumbent exercise bike that folds up, and I am excited to get it and start an exercise program. Nobody knows that we have broken up, and I don't want my ex to find out just yet. He has been acting really strange, and I don't want him to get the idea that I broke up with my bf in order to try and be with him.

Food today:
3 beef breakfast sausage, coffee
grilled chicken salad with ranch dressing
steak, bacon, cheese, mushrooms

I haven't weighed in a while. The scale is getting me down, so until I start exercising I am not going to weigh.
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:38 AM   #388
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Hey Cass, I have not seen you on here lately!!! Good to see you I am glad you had a good Christmas with the kids, I am sure your little man must be getting big by now!! Wanted to say hello to you!!!
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Old 01-04-2013, 03:26 PM   #389
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Well, it's a new year! To celebrate, I broke up with my BF. Lovely, huh? I feel bad, but I can't maintain a relationship, and he is wanting to move too quickly. I really need to focus on taking care of myself. I have purchased a semi-recumbent exercise bike that folds up, and I am excited to get it and start an exercise program. Nobody knows that we have broken up, and I don't want my ex to find out just yet. He has been acting really strange, and I don't want him to get the idea that I broke up with my bf in order to try and be with him.

Food today:
3 beef breakfast sausage, coffee
grilled chicken salad with ranch dressing
steak, bacon, cheese, mushrooms

I haven't weighed in a while. The scale is getting me down, so until I start exercising I am not going to weigh.
Good for you taking care of yourself. I'm not really looking, have lots of other stuff to focus on the next two weeks at least. LOL
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Old 01-10-2013, 08:48 AM   #390
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I haven't been here to update for a while! My phone was broken for a few days, but I got a replacement yesterday. My university courses have began, and I am going to be really busy this semester - I can already tell! I won't be able to get on here and post as much. I will have my head buried in books and be writing many papers for the next 4 months.

Yesterday, the exercise bike I had ordered came in. I will try and put it together this evening. I am really looking forward to putting exercise back in my life. I hope using the bike is something I enjoy and can stick to. Maybe I can read my book assignments while peddaling away LOL.

I have been on plan for the most part. It still isn't great and I am not losing weight. In fact, I am still several pounds heavier than I was in October when I "recommitted". I can't say recommit without the quotation marks, because I really have yet to commit to eating low carb. I truly hope I can.
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