Another Lowcarb Journey
I'll start off this journal copying a couple of recent LCF posts that I made.
I really like to journal, I keep a food diary too. It helps me a lot day to day to be accountable, so here goes:
I don't remember a time in my life when I wasn't on (or felt like I should've been on) some kind of diet, even at a very young age. My mother was very health conscious and had been a beauty queen all her life, both officially and unofficially. I think it was somewhat a blow to her ego to have a chubby daughter. When I look back at photos I was medium chubby and likely would've grown out of my babyfat, but constant attention to
weight issues was just part of our family life. This morphed my self image and in my younger years I dieted excessively which I think set me up for a lifetime of yoyo dieting.
To my mother's credit, she did know about lowcarb dieting; we even had Dr. Atkins' first book (which I still have). Usually she put me on Weight Watchers though, thinking it more well balanced for a young child. By high school though, I would put myself on various overly drastic lowcarb incarnations (not wise of course) such as the year I brought 3 boiled eggs for lunch every day and would drink vast quantities of water
to flush out my fat. Probably would go home starving and then eat junk but I don't really remember. I probably weighed around 140 during my high school years and thought I was huge, which I wasn't really. The summer after high school I "ballooned" up to 180 and my mother took me to a diet doctor who put me on a rather strict regimen that included diet pills and 2 very sparse meals per day. It did work though, and for several years into my 20's I mostly maintained healthy weights but often did not eat healthy foods at all.
One of my tactics was virtual starvation fasts which backfired on me when I got pregnant and gained 80 lbs in my mid-twenties. The doctor would not believe me when I told him I was not eating excessively. I had enough sense not to starve myself while pregnant but tried to eat normal healthy portions of nutritious food. Apparently my body, having been starved for so long, and nourishing the pregnancy, held onto
every calorie. In fact, the first 3 months of both my pregnancies I was so sick and hardly ate at all til second trimester. But still gained a lot even those first 3 months during that first time around.
After my first daughter was born I lost 30 lbs of post baby weight on lowcarb eating and managed to get back under 200 lbs, but just barely. During my second pregnancy a few years later, I was scared to death of being lectured again by the all-knowing doctors, so every day I ate 2 cheese sandwiches on wheat bread (one for breakfast, one for lunch) and an apple. I'd have something moderate for dinner and kept my
pregnancy weight somewhat under control but still ended up around the same weight as I was for the first baby.
Once in the mid 1990's I went the Susan Powter route (remember Stop the Insanity) and cut out all fats for a while, and ate mostly fiber-rich foods and chicken breast. Lost 30 or so lbs again and exercised and still hovered in the 200 range. At that time I had an exercise routine that I followed faithfully (30 minutes on a Nordic Trak every morning before work) and still never could lose as much as I wanted to.
Fast forward to October 2000 --- my workplace then was a place where I was more active than I had been before. Previously I had always had desk jobs. This active job required me to be somewhat agile so I decided to try Atkins again to drop a few pounds. At the time I weighed 238. I only committed to doing the 2 week induction and would see how I felt. Well, I felt great!! the pounds dropped off and I started exercising again, lots of long walks and eventually jogging and just being as active as I could be. I only got down to 180 and would've liked to be 160, but I kept that weight off for almost 5 years, at which time I had to go back to a desk job. Enter extreme stress and overtime chained to a desk, a 2 hour commute every day, and a "no eating at your desk" policy. I tried so hard to stay lowcarb and keep up exercising but it got harder and harder to do, and within about a year the pounds started to creep back.
I quit weighing myself around 2005-2006 and didn't realize til February 2008 just how much I'd gained back. We went on a vacation and when I saw photos of myself I was horribly shocked. Got back on the scale finally and saw how much I'd gained (was at 272), went back on lowcarb in desperation but still had so many life issues that I didn't stay on track. Since then, I dieted on and off but every effort felt depressing and hopeless. I only lose with lowcarb, which is good and bad. I wish I could lose just by portion control, but the less I eat the less I lose, if carbs are involved. I think I trained my body that way over the years, and I'm so thankful for lowcarb eating, that I don't have to starve to lose. I'm also thankful that I feel so great and energetic eating lowcarb, and hopefully can reverse some of the damage I've done to myself.
I must add: I restarted again this time after seeing a tiny slender young woman who has never battled weight issues (she's an acquaintance of mine and not a close friend), berating people on a well known social media site with her brand of cheerleading: "eat less and move more, people, quit being obese and making my health care costs go up!!" I'll try not to be judgmental about her, and maybe she'll do the same for me. I wish I could just eat less and move more, but insulin resistance is a true thing for many of us. And a lowcarb way of life is something I can stick with now that I'm started on it again. Most of the stresses in my life are manageable now, and I have time to shop and cook and exercise again which really helps.
hi all!! I am back from my much awaited Caribbean cruise after faithfully sticking to my LC plan for 2 months beforehand. We had a lot of activities planned so I had figured any weight loss was better than none, and it DID help.
The past 2 years I've had some weight related body issues like joint pain, so my main objective these days is to try and treat my body better so I can be active like I used to be.
Now I am ready to get back onboard the LC train, and the best part is that I don't think I gained too much, and didn't cheat that badly either while traveling. Or at least, yes I DID eat (and drink!!) some no-no's but we walked so much and stayed so active I hope I burned some fat doing all that. And when I did eat, I just wasn't in any mood to pig out, so I didn't.
Mostly it was fun just not having to cook!!
I haven't weighed yet because I retained a LOT of water weight. My feet are still swollen but going down now that I'm home. The ships use desalinated seawater and as a result, the water we drink on a ship still has high sodium I believe, though they say it doesn't. So even though I am a big water drinker, it's almost counter-productive on a ship, sadly. I tried to drink bottled water as much as possible but that gets expensive.
Anyway, I found myself actually WANTING to eat only lowcarb food even when offered such a delectable array of food. My main downfalls were heavenly bread and butter at dinner each day, and drinks that were sweet, though my daughter taught me a good trick: order a mojito but specify only a dash of the sugar syrup and more club soda in it. The mint flavor is what really makes it good anyway, who needs all the sugar?
So yesterday was my first full day home and I haven't been to the grocery yet, but am going today. Recommitting now, and will probably weigh myself tomorrow if my feet indicate that the water weight is gone. I just don't want to get all depressed over stinkin water retention. Yesterday about all we still had in the fridge was cottage cheese and salsa, so I had that and a few black olives.
I'm glad to be back and hope all of you are doing well.
not too bad so far, back at 266.5 today after 2 days back on plan. Was 268-269 when I weighed Friday. I was at about 263 when I left for vacation 2 weeks ago so not much damage was done.
I vowed after this vacation I will hesitate to travel again with people 20+ years younger than I am--they wore me out!! I was so sore some days I could hardly move, but in a way it was good for me as I feel some muscle strength that I didn't have before.
Bunch of beef and garlic roasting in a pan for late lunch. Unfortunately DH loves eating meat so I always have to share with him.
We're having another blizzard today but I hope Spring comes soon as I really need to get out walking as much as I can. My menopausal metabolism needs that kick in the pants.
bleh, I'm boring even to myself today---see ya later!!
well hurray, back to 264 already this morning. An hour of snow shoveling last night probably didn't hurt as far as weight loss, but it did hurt my back somewhat. 2 doan's pills and it felt better though. That brings me to my aches and pains, which I must get off my chest, as those really clouded my vacation and made me more determined than ever to lose these pounds!!
Sadly my 2 adult daughters have been slowly losing patience with how slow I am these days. They just don't get it, must be nice to be young and fit. I was once too. I'm trying really hard not to be a pity-party pooper but if I can't whine here, well....just a short whine, ok? I move slowly now often because I don't want to aggravate my aches and pains. It's always either the right hip or one or both knees. Thankfully usually not all at once.
My older daughter works out regularly at a gym and does yoga and bicycles a lot when she can. Her personality is like her dad's, a bit caustic and mean at times. I did not raise her to be like that, but she is like a certain sister-in-law I have, which means unlikeable at times. My younger daughter is a sweetie but even she got impatient with me a few times when we were lugging luggage, as she is my official travel companion on most trips, and thus gets drafted to be the draft horse sometimes. I do my part too, but I'm just very slow and I need to stop and rest more than I used to.
Feeling that my own kin were losing patience with me because of my weight and joint issues, brought me back to feelings of being teased and tormented as a fat child. I can't help feeling what I felt, and I'm trying hard to move past those feelings. Just so tired of being fat and miserable. On a couple of the activities we did on vacation, I was like the token special needs person, and felt awful because of it. I hate those self pity feelings too, because there are plenty of people more brave and deserving of special treatment than I am. I just felt like a big loser, in the bad sense.
OK, enough whining, I'm making progress on this journey and I hope by summer to be 30 lbs lighter. This will get me back to where I started my previous successful low carb journey in 2000. It's a realistic goal as my typical loss is about 10 lbs a month if I stay on track.
So onwards and forwards, cooking some bacon, and will saute some cabbage later too.
Ketosis has kicked back in now which really helps. Friday and Saturday I was still hungry (day one and two back on track) but yesterday was quite bearable hunger-wise.
Thank you Dr Atkins!!
Yeah, keep going, you are doing great, be positive!!
thanks Bekki!! I am a positive person most days but I like to whine occasionally just to release negative energy :) Once I release it, seems like it's easier not to dwell on it anymore. I liked your post about the grocery clerk.
Then last night a young vegetarian friend was over and we had a good discussion about carbs. I am not good at explaining the low carb thing to people who haven't researched nutrition issues, but mainly explained that unprocessed carbs are not BAD, per se, just that I can't lose weight unless I restrict carbs.
I was reading a thread about diatomaceous earth and ordered some. I am a big believer in alternative remedies, supplements and whatever. So thought I'd try this stuff and see what happens. Will keep you posted.
I was back at 265 today but fighting a bad cold, and traditionally any sickness in my body makes me gain, not lose. I thought I'd fought off this cold that's been battling me since last week, but my snow shoveling endeavor aggravated it I think. No worries, I'll lick it by the end of the week.
Just checking in since I didn't post yesterday (thought I did, but my brain is foggy I guess)
Still kinda sick with a cold but yesterday was worse, so hope I'm on the mend.
A GOOD thing was seeing 262 on the scale this morning; we'll see if that sticks.
I wasn't hungry much yesterday but ate anyway:
Small bowl of italian sausage meat DH cooked for spaghetti (for himself)
Leftover cooked ground beef and cooked cabbage mixed up and heated with some mozzarella for dinner.
Some leafy spring greens, finished them up, need to get more.
Today for lunch had same thing as dinner last night, minus the leafy greens.
Tried out some "bac'n puffs" from the c-store as a snack, just pork rinds really. Supposed to be hot n spicy ones but I think my taste buds are not working because of the cold. also I like a lot of spice.
We have a joke here about "Minnesota spicy" because traditionally, "spicy" to some Minnesotans is putting salt on their food. Widespread Scandinavian heritage here, dontcha know.
I think for dinner tonight I'll go whip up something with some hot sauce, and get something real spicy going. I have a cauliflower head, can make some faux-tatoes.
p.s. the DE arrived but the mailman tried to fit it in our too-small mailbox and we couldn't remove it. so DH left him a note -- will be trying it over the weekend, I hope.
Monday Monday---doing ok. Haven't weighed since Friday when I was back at 264, no biggie but my mental state does better sometimes if I don't weigh every day. My bad cold finally went away on Friday too, then the weekend was busy.
Picked up some wonderful pulled pork BBQ and coleslaw from a place that I love. I don't get over there often as it's not nearby, just happened to be in that neighborhood so I decided I needed a treat like that. Pretty much was all my weekend food, BBQ and coleslaw.
My big accomplishment today was scheduling a dentist appointment and an eye doctor appointment--I am WAY over due for all health appointments. Called for a physical too but she's all booked up til April so they told me to call back in 2 weeks (long story).
Also made up some "tuna mess" today which is coleslaw with tuna basically (can you tell I like coleslaw?) and made some faux-tatoes with a head of cauliflower.
All that should keep me going until Wednesday, when I probably will whip up something with chicken breasts.
oh, also had my first helping of Diatomaceous Earth today, will see how that goes.
Wow, I have to hand it to the DE regimen!! May be coincidence but maybe not, down to 260 today!! yippeee....I've taken it 2 days now, today is the third day, and I feel a difference that may be my imagination, but I'd count it a success. Will definitely keep taking it, a teaspoon mixed in Crystal Lite for now, but will work up to a tablespoon a day, next week.
Foodwise I have been just eating the tuna mess, and almonds as a snack. Some baco-rinds too. Going to the grocery today, and my eye doctor appointment. Dentist visit was a success too, no cavities even after 3 years of not going, just one "deep pocket" gum issue that they will "watch" so really no big dental issues, hurray!!
well, I went a bit off plan this weekend but nothing major. It's funny how this time around, I really do feel this is a lifetime eating plan, and I'm refusing to let setbacks make me give up!! In fact, I like eating lowcarb so much I really don't even like going off plan, crazy huh?
I guess I'm at that stage of life where it's either "fish or cut bait" or whatever that phrase is. I like the siggies here that say "losing weight is hard, being fat is hard, choose your hard". It's so true!!
I had a very active weekend and really felt the benefit of losing almost 25 lbs so far. My aches and pains are fast receding into history, I hope for good. As little as a month ago (vacation) I was still having so much pain, and now it's just BETTER. Still got a little exhausted this weekend but not like it used to be.
My weekend consisted of 2 nights of live music with "the kids" mostly though there are always a few of us oldsters that show up. I did have a few drinks, and TWICE when I ordered Jack and Coke or rum and coke, I forgot to say "Diet coke" and really regretted that. Hopefully I burned that sugar off boogeying down (not a pretty picture I know :p lol) and I didn't dwell on it either. Except, ick, sugar just doesn't even taste good anymore, if it ever did.
What DID taste good was Taco Bell Crunchwraps at 2am and that was my downfall. OK, no more food porn, I hate to even bring up Taco Bell, but must confess to it so I can move on. Today I ate some chicken "stew" I made Friday, and sauteed cabbage. Some string cheese for snacks, and some leftover roasted deli chicken. Really wasn't very hungry, mostly sleepy, so took a 5 hour nap at 5pm which is why I'm awake at 2am tonight.
Still snowy and cold here but temps are supposed to get into the 30's this week!! I know, doesn't sound that exciting but it's been a long cold winter and 30's sound just fine. I am really ready to start walking outdoors again, if some of this snow would melt!
Will post later this week, sometimes a limited cheat helps me lose a few lbs if I get right back in the saddle, but we'll see. I'm not counting on it, but glad to be back on plan :)
well, the limited cheat certainly didn't help on the scale, but I measured my hips and waist today and both are down almost 2 inches each since the end of January!! Still hovering around 260, was 265 on Tuesday when I got brave enough to get on the scale, then Wednesday was back to 261. Today back at 260.
So basically a wasted week but not really. That'll teach me to stay on course though, I really want to be in the 250's again, it's been 3 years since I have been there. I think I got down to 252 back in March 2008 when I did a month of lowcarb and lost 20 lbs, then veered back into bad eating habits. My mini goal right now is 242 by the end of May, when warm weather will finally be here again. Even any 240's would be welcome.
I picked 242 because I know that is one of my setpoint weights, it's about what I weighed at the end of both pregnancies. and if I start summer in the 240's, that will be 40 lbs or so gone since December!! so that is my mini goal for now.
Sure could use some exercise, that is my downfall lately. Cold and windy walking is not very fun, but I might try and start walking anyway. Just really restless some days. I've been doing a lot of spring cleaning so I can get outdoors again when the weather improves.
Bought some almond flour yesterday, so may try and bake something with it. Going today to pick up new contact lenses, which I haven't worn for several years now. When I was working, my eyes would get so dry and painful so I went back to glasses, but glasses are such a pain in hot humid weather.
So that was my week so far. We have a young friend visiting our house this next week, and a good friend of mine is having surgery in a few days, so I will help her out as she recovers. So the next 2 weeks look to be busy----I'll check in when I can. I really like doing this journal as it keeps me accountable. Hope everyone has a good weekend :)
Yippee, the scale may bounce around, but it settles lower every few days!! Saturday was 259.5, then Sunday 260.5 (water weight for some unknown reason) then today 257.5!! It may bounce some more this week but I love seeing the 250's, so excited!! and all our snow is supposed to melt this week with temps in the 40's so I will get out walking as often as possible. I really need to get off my butt, I feel so much better when I do.
I'm going to be wrangling a friend's dogs while she's in the hospital so that will keep me active too. Interesting story about this friend---when I first started eating LC back in 2000 she was SO against it, thinking meat and fats etc are so very bad for you. She's a non red meat eater and always ate low fat for many years, to watch her cholesterol. Still does in fact, and she also loves sugar but she knows it is bad for her, and she tries to avoid it, but definitely has a sweet tooth. Overall she is a very healthy eater for her type, but she still cannot wrap her head around low carb/low glycemic eating, even though she was very successful with the South Beach diet a few years ago.
That was the funny part of the story: I ate LC for a long time and lost 60 lbs. This friend, we'll call her "Marla", constantly told me how I was just clogging my arteries etc, you know, all the stuff people believe when they don't know any better. She had about 60 lbs to lose at the time too, but she's tall and carries it well.
Then in 2003 or so the South Beach Diet book came out and Marla thought she could stick to that, because it allowed fruits, and was not as protein/fat-based as Atkins type diets. She loves fruit (the sweeter the better) and doesn't understand how I live without fruit. I've never been a fruit lover, though I do like cantaloupe in the summer, and that's about it. I love veggies though, all kinds.
Anyway, Marla started South Beach and did very very well on it. She lost weight like crazy and has pretty much kept it off since then. After that we were able to discuss nutrition issues without so much debate about what's harmful and what's not. Another issue she has, is high cholesterol that runs in her family, and high blood pressure. South Beach eating took care of all of that for her, and I had good readings too, doing Atkins.
I told her I was eating LC again, but she still doesn't really get it though. She offers me orange juice, and potatoes, and English muffins, and I say no thank you. She had Egg Beaters in her fridge instead of real eggs, and I told her real eggs are really not that bad. She's doubtful though. What's funny is her chiropractor advised her that when she retains water, he wants her to only eat protein and veggies. She has some heart issues, which is what her surgery is about, though not so much diet related, but I could be wrong.
Anyway, I can't really criticize her eating, because overall she has a fairly healthy diet for someone who will never ever embrace Atkins style eating. A typical menu for her is dry chicken breast, lots of fruit, and some bread products but she doesn't eat much fat. She does still love her sweets but usually doesn't go overboard on them.
well, if anyone is reading my journal :p please keep "Marla" in your thoughts this week as she has her surgery. Even if we differ on nutritional issues, she is a dear friend and I love her. We agree to disagree on many things, but that's what's great about friends.
Well here I am out in the country wrangling 6 dogs for a week or two. Ugh, but it's good for me I guess. Yesterday was very busy getting settled in here, bringing some LC food with me, a few pork chops, head of cabbage, leftover broccoli/cauliflower, stick of butter, HWC for my coffee....Marla had bought me bacon and eggs which was funny when she asked what she should buy for me. Bacon and eggs was all she could think of and I said that's fine. Being a sweet lover herself she bought me maple bacon, which I think is ok but wasn't sure at first. I burned the **** out of it anyway (the stove and cookware here is terrible), so if it had any sugar, it got burned out lol. Cooked that up with my cabbage last night.
Now I'm making kind of a quiche out of the leftover broccoli and cauliflower but NO CHEESE except some icky Parmesan in a can, which I used a bit for flavor, but yuck. I like real cheese and there is none here. So today's menu is broc/caul baked with 9 eggs and 2 tblsp butter, about 3 tblsp Parmesan, and actually this should last me 2 days. Still have some leftover cabbage too, with crumbly burned bacon.
Anyway Marla is doing fine, though is in ICU, she's doing very well for only 24 hours after surgery. These dogs are going to wear a few lbs off me I can tell. One is a half grown puppy, 2 are into everything, 2 are mellow, and one is my own dog. I was so busy yesterday I only ate 2 little salmon pieces with mayo for lunch, then burned bacon and some cabbage for dinner. I weighed 256 yesterday morning so I'm going to claim it and hope for another drop before April, after these 2 weeks with the dogs. The 240's by mid-May are starting to look doable!! I'm so excited about that :D
hey there:hiya: it was so sweet of you to stop by my new journal to encourage me! congrats on your most excellent restart! i look forward to following your journey:heart: ...and learning all your secrets to slenderness:hyst:
Thanks for stopping by, Jan :)
wow, can't believe I haven't checked in here in almost a week!! Not sure what the scale says right now (since I'm not at home) but I'm staying on track and that's what matters. Welllll, I did have a vodka diet tonic with a squeeze of lime on St Patrick's Day, just "me and the dogs" and an almost full moon. So Bored, still hanging at "Marla"s house and she is home now from the hospital. She is doing very well but I am still servant to the hounds. Some days I'm sleep deprived, and every day I'm bored as the weather turned cold again, also I'm more or less chained to being here in the house.
Watched Heavy last night and was pleased to see more moderate exercise for dear Patty. I really liked her. I just don't know if I agree with some of their exercise theories at that Hilton Head place....I used to be a fairly fit person (and plan to be again) and I always worked UP to a fitness level that I could stick with. IDK, maybe they know more than I do about training (probably), but real life for most people doesn't involve 5 hours of grueling exercise a day. It's just unsustainable in most peoples' real life. Anyway, I noticed they had Patty on one of those 3 wheel bikes---my neighbor has one and I might borrow it one day soon and try it out. I don't trust myself anymore on a 2-wheeler, at least not for awhile, and walking gets boring at times. Getting Patty in a kayak looked fun too. I might have to try that someday this summer too.
Here's a couple of recent related articles from our local newspaper about Hilton Head Health Hilton Head on 1,200 calories a day | StarTribune.com Gutting it out | StarTribune.com
I had a dream the other night that I was telling someone loudly "30 lbs!! 30 lbs!" Not sure what else I dreamed but I think my psyche is getting upset that no one has commented on my weight loss, that is almost 30 lbs. Ah well, maybe after another 20 lbs. At least I feel better and a few clothes I've noticed, are much looser.
Another funny occurrence (glad I can laugh about it) was when Marla was leaving the hospital, I was helping her pack up her room, and the nursing assistant was waiting with the wheelchair, and she thought I was the patient. Uh, no. I guess maybe people assume if you're overweight, then naturally you are unhealthy. whatever....
almost 30 pounds is awesome! think how much you could have gained in the same time...without even trying. :hugs:
when will you be back to your regular schedule? how is your friend doing?
Hi Jan :hiya: sounds like I'll be here another week.
"Marla" is doing very well, and will be seeing the cardiologist again next week and he'll give the OK for her to be more independent, and let me go home.
I can't wait. I love dogs, but one of these dogs is such a brat.
and yes I am happy about the 30 lbs, and 30 more will make me happier :D
what was so frustrating about gaining, before low carb was: I am not really a big eater, but apparently I am carb intolerant. I wouldn't say I crave carbs, but I do lean towards them as my preferred diet. Probably the only things I really miss are a big bowl of cereal and milk with a banana, or oatmeal with butter and salt. and macaroni and cheese, now that I'm daydreaming. I think I gained 5 lbs every time I ate something like that!!!
not too hungry right now though. I just ate a bunch of wasabi almonds, which is my current guilty pleasure. Very filling though!!!
just checking in on you. how's it going? i hope those extra pounds are just whooshing away!
Aw thanks!! I'm checking in here most days to read, but have been very busy with my friend and the dogs. We've kind of got a good routine going now too. I feel like I've lost more weight but there's no scale here that works, so I will have to just "be good" and weigh when I get home.
Hope you're doing well too Jan!! I'll try and read your blog/journal tonight.
Time to go watch "Heavy" now I guess :)
Doing pretty well today, except TOM arrived, just as I was thinking that MAYBE I am getting menopausal, but alas, not quite there yet. Bleh. Despite TOM, I feel like I have lost weight over the past 2 weeks away from home. Probably not as much as I think I have, but I'll take anything. Inches off if nothing else. I have noticed that sitting in the kitchen chairs here, even the curved ones that used to squeeze my big butt are much more comfy now. so apparently I have lost a few hip inches anyway.
Had a treat of locally raised, grass fed ground beef today for lunch, yum, it really is tastier!! Expensive too, but almost worth it ($5.99 lb on sale). Found out last week that a lady in our dog rescue group brings farm fresh eggs to sell at our adoption days, so next adoption day I will try not to miss out on those.
Tonight we're having crustless quiche with asparagus and cheese filling. Unfortunately I have to use Eggbeater type egg whites for part of it, yuck. Maybe I'll make mine separately. A couple of nights ago I made turkey meatballs and put bread crumbs in Marla's and made my meatballs separately w/o extra carbs. Turned out pretty well, but I'm not a huge fan of eating so much ground turkey all the time.
Hey, that must be why I dreamed of a turkey last night!! I also keep having dreams of luggage, and don't know if that means "I have baggage" or that I need to go home and pack more clothes to wear over here :)
Yesterday I didn't eat too much, just some tuna with mayo and chopped vegs, cheese, and cottage cheese with half a tomato. Wasn't very hungry, just fatigued somewhat from PMS.
Guess that's all for now.
Well I am back home now and just had a very good night's sleep. I hope Marla got some rest too, her first night home alone with the dogs since her surgery March 15th. The doctor gave her an all clear on Thursday to start resuming activities as much as she is able. I was actually starting to enjoy staying there but my house and dog and family need some attention too. Unfortunately my husband is somewhat of a lazy slob and my 21 year old daughter who lives here works full time and gets tired of being cleanup girl at home and I don't blame her. SOOOO, now may be a good time to tell my family/relationship stories....it's not pretty but it's also not as horrible as it sounds. I'll try and keep it short, but that may not be possible.
When I lost weight 10 years ago I was (partly) trying to make my husband interested again in our marriage. As our 2 daughters were growing up we had done our best to be good parents, but had let our own issues stew on a back burner. Lesson learned, and also found out it was too late to make things work again. (note: impotence is not the problem, just a lot of other things that I won't go into).
My husband has a lot of issues that unfortunately resurfaced with a vengeance when he began drinking again, after being sober for 14 years as we raised the girls. At first I thought we could still make things work; I tried for about 5 years to rejuvenate our marriage romantically, but then I lost hope, his drinking accelerated, and after 25+ years of marriage it would not be financially sound to get a divorce. I know some people say, do it anyway, you'll be happier, but no I would not be happy being poor again if I can help it. We're not well off by any means, but comfortable, and a divorce would wreck us both financially.
I have no desire to ever remarry, I have freedom to do what I want (I travel a lot when I can), and I have a separate bedroom. There are some factors I won't go into, as they are mostly boring and I wanted to keep this short. Suffice to say, I'm still married, though not happily, and to his credit he was/is a pretty good dad to his daughters, is not abusive, goes to work every day, and will sometimes do chores if I direct him to. We are fairly friendly to each other as roommates would be. He is not a bad person at all, just very dysfunctional, and perhaps so am I for living like this. So there, that is off my chest, for better or for worse.
And back to the weight loss journey---I'm still in the 250's (low) but TOM is still here so I know that is a factor. Also I know I did not drink enough water yesterday. I do feel my fat somewhat shifting around, my belly feels smaller except for the bloat, so I hope next week or so I can maybe see 240's!! Now THAT will be a milestone as I haven't seen 240's in over 5 years I think. Ironic considering that at the end of both my pregnancies I thought the 240's were absolutely the highest limit EVER!! Well, let's hope to keep the scale moving downward, shall we?
i appeciate the emotions in your story - so much going on in your life of taking care of family and friends! i think you're right...it's time to focus on you...your weight loss and efforts at healthy living...and chasing your other dreams too:heart:
Thanks as always Jan :heart: I do enjoy my life and feel lucky in many ways. The good things outweigh the bad things.
Right now though, I'm remembering one of the reasons not to go out on a Saturday night and drink too much :o At least I remembered to order diet Coke with my whiskey, but ow my head hurts!! Confession: went to McD drive thru at 5am too (with my sober driver daughter) and had a breakfast biscuit and hashbrown :o but the scale is down again (probably dehydrated). Oh what a night. Went out to see one of our favorite bluegrass bands, danced with lots of friends, had a great time. Little crazy though.
All those festivities sound wonderful (except for the headache part). 5 am? YOU are a party animal!!!
The music lasted til 2am then we went over to a friend's house for awhile. Yesterday was one of our first nice weather days of the year and everyone was in a happy mood.
Normally I am fairly sedate and sleeping by midnight, but I kind of needed to cut loose last night after all the care-taking I've been doing.
Back on the wagon now haha, except I decided to have a weak bloody Mary and some bacon to recover.
Nothing in the world that bacon can't cure :p
Then I'm going to lie in bed, drink water, and watch movies the rest of today.
i've been resting (read as "avoiding chores":rofl:) and watching movies all morning and am off for a bike ride soon. it's a stunningly beautiful day here...well, as much as i can see from the couch anyway!
Just checking in tonight---I have been busy this week getting settled back in at home and enjoying nice weather at long last!!
Dog and I went for a 45 minute walk yesterday and enjoyed that very much.
The scale is fluctuating like crazy between upper 240's and lower 250's, I don't even care what the scale says most of the time. I can vary 3 lbs a day easily, and have learned to accept that, as long as the trend is DOWNWARD. I measured yesterday and have lost at least 6 inches off my waist since December and 4-5 inches off my hips.
I still get a few aches and pains from activity, but I'm being more active than I have been in a long time. Today was some kind of muscle spasms in my mid back area, but a lot of my lower back pain has disappeared.
Learned from last Saturday night's drinking that I MUST be aware from now on that I can't drink as much on this WOE and that a lower body weight means "take it easy". Haha, I'm a lightweight now :p
that's a whole lotta inches!!!! so exciting :high5::high5:
I'm solidly in the 240's now and feel absolutely great most days!! It took 35 lbs but people are finally starting to notice my weight loss. That is a nice feeling :) Though it is a crying shame that when we are heavy, people don't always treat us so nicely. I remember this from my first weight loss go-round, and it makes me sad. Someday a study will be done to tell us whether this is instinctive human behavior, or learned behavior. On Colbert Report yesterday (I think) some author was talking about how by the year 2045 we will be so advanced blah blah....and I look forward to the day, although I'll be pushing 90 by then or else dead haha. Anyway, my point is: could we move the human condition up a bit to help us with weight loss or at least acceptance of the fact that we are NOT all created equally when it comes to our weight? Hulu - The Colbert Report: Ray Kurzweil It's a stretch to figure this guy into my conversation here, but my mind is always churning these days.
ok, guess that is all for tonight, but all is well. I love this time of year in Minnesota. No bugs yet, the weather is still cool but bearable, great for going on walks. Taking the dog to the vet tomorrow for her heartworm check etc. My friend "Marla" has an appointment Friday for her heart trouble that I will drive her to. I still think some of her trouble is thyroid related but I am not a doctor and cannot in good conscience presume to give medical advice beyond suggestion.
edit: if anyone has advice about this, let me know. My question is: if you have reason to believe, through independent layperson research, that your friend may have an unaddressed medical condition, how far do you go? so far, I have only been comfortable with quiet suggestions. I did mention this thought of mine directly to one of her cardiologists and his comment was that her thyroid level as tested was within normal ranges (i am pretty sure they did not do more than just very basic thyroid testing). Though I have perused the thyroid threads here, and it appears that the cardiologist is using the "old" thyroid standards and really does not even suspect thyroid as a cause for my friend's continuing atrial fibrillation. Her surgery last month included ablation which apparently has not resolved this issue. any ideas?
Well, I'm still hanging in at 248, which is fine (for a few days anyway). Just happy to be in the 240's, psychologically it makes me happy, since I have not been in this range in a very long time. Had a stomach bug late last week after I wrote last, and I think my body got out of balance fluid-wise, which took a day or two to get back to normal.
Of course, I never lose more like a normal person would when I'm sick. Guess I have one of those survivor bodies that clings to water and food even more when I'm sick. Plus I'm about due for a mini-stall, unfortunately. I think I'll set a mini-goal of 245 for end of April, and MAYBE my body will listen :hyst: 242 would be better, but really I am not much of a goal setter. Sometimes it works though. Mind-body connection you know.
But I feel fine now, went walking the past 2 days while we had nice weather. I'm gratified to see that my stamina has improved SO MUCH from losing weight and getting more fit. Yesterday my neighbor and I walked for about an hour, and it felt good and not tiring at all. Though I was a little bit stiff and sore later on, nothing major. Just more than I'm used to, though I have walked 40-45 minutes a couple of times lately.
so that's all the news from Lake Woebegone, where we are expecting SNOW again tonight. Yuck. At least it melts fast in April.
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