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Old 09-02-2012, 06:44 AM   #1021
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Hey Blonde! Hope your weekend is wonderful!
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Old 09-06-2012, 06:26 AM   #1022
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Hey better late than never right? Well I had a horrible Tuesday...I didn't work on Monday because my back was so stiff I couldn't stand all the way upright, Tuesday was better but not standing all the way up...had a total binge-fest, felt like crap physically and mentally, got myself under control yesterday with a zero carb (virtually) day...and I'm still assessing the damage. And now I ask the ancient question that has no quick answer: What is wrong with me?

My back is better but I missed all three of my shifts this week. Guilt. I have been hit hard by the troubles of those closest to me. My lovely SIL is dealing with her Father's stage 4 cancer and subsequent chemo. She is in agony over this turn of events and calls me frequently to "talk her down". While I'm more than willing to help it weighs on my heart as well and leaves me feeling washed out. I've been listening to and giving comfort to my youngest DD, still in her first months of marriage...my DH comes home every night exhausted and cranky about work, the extreme heat, ungrateful coworkers etc. I feel guilt for having a cushy (no brainer, no take it home with me) part time job, a marriage long past growing pains, and I've already lost my parents and have been down the grief road a few times too many. I am a good listener, empathic and I have a true wish to help...but it's hard to separate myself from issues of the people I love. I want to dig a hole and hide in it (or light up a few hundred cigs, which I have NOT) or eat myself into oblivion which I have tried to do and it (oblivion) never comes. I'm just rambling here because this is the only thing that really helps. To put a name or face to it, to talk it out. The other day I tried to login here from my laptop, couldn't get the password right and got shut out of the site, almost had a meltdown over it. Funny huh? It made me realize how much I depend on my LC friends. The thought occurred, what if I can never get back on the website? Unthinkable is what that was. So. A few more ramblings...questions I ask myself, and I'm wondering if others ask as well. Am I ever going to gain control over my eating, or my weight gain? Will I ever feel normal? (ha! that's a good one). If I lose all the weight I want will I need bungee cords to keep the excess skin out of the way? And a few thoughts: I'm never going to be 30 again. My time to have a fulfilling career is probably long past. I wish I knew then what I know now...(and that covers so much ground I can't begin to articulate it). I will probably never go to Europe. I will probably never live by the beach. I wish my eldest granddaughter would stop telling strangers my age....

Trying to have a sense of humor here, trying really hard.....
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:02 AM   #1023
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Oh my goodness Blonde! {{{{{{{{Blonde}}}}}}

First of all this is YOUR journal and you can vent away anytime you need to and btw I think you are a very COURAGEOUS woman for putting all your feelings out here in Cyber Land. I am so grateful that you have a place where you feel safe and supported so I feel you on being locked out of LCF's and feeling somewhat panic stricken. I am sorry about your back I had no idea that is has been causing you problems, is it work related or something? Have you been to the doctor? All the questions you have asked on your post are all the questions I ask myself also so you are not at all alone in that. We both are in our 50's I believe and we both need to just embrace it. I am in no way saying that you really don't but I know that when I am ill or having TOM the whole world feels like it is falling apart. I know at times I sound all PollyAnna and stuff but I have days like you have described many times. When I am ill I am the hardest on myself and all the ugly self talk starts to happen. The ugly talk is all lies and we have to not believe it. Your body needs to heal itself and your brain needs to rest in the of your family and your faith. YOU my dear have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about it is all the ugly self talk. I know for ME I will struggle with my weight and health but it's not over till it's over so I will go down FIGHTING!!!! Fight with me Blonde to be better today than we were yesterday, FIGHT with me Blonde to embrace that we are 50 and beautiful just as we are now, FIGHT with me Blonde to know that as long as we have breath we WILL be the best we can be and REST yourself Blonde and take yourself away to a quiet place deep within yourself and ask yourself this question. "Are all the things I believe about myself today true?" I am sure that when your body feels better and the ugly thoughts go slowly away that you will find it not to be.

Rest my friend in knowing you are not alone.

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Old 09-06-2012, 08:28 AM   #1024
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Fight with me Blonde to be better today than we were yesterday, FIGHT with me Blonde to embrace that we are 50 and beautiful just as we are now, FIGHT with me Blonde to know that as long as we have breath we WILL be the best we can be and REST yourself Blonde and take yourself away to a quiet place deep within yourself and ask yourself this question. "Are all the things I believe about myself today true?"

Wow Maggie, you made me cry. Thank you so much for your wisdom and your support.

Oh dear girl, I don't think you seem like a Pollyana at all. I think when you're positive, you're positive. I also know you've had some bad days....

I'm not so brave, after all this is all pretty much anonymous. I do put my heart on my sleeve, so to speak ... because it helps keep me honest and sometimes it helps me filter through the BS and get to the heart of the matter. Another of my huge guilts is the fact that I'm so lucky in everything and I should be ashamed for complaining. I realize that is irrational. I think about Oprah Winfrey, she has seemingly everything and yet she can't keep her weight down. You can't buy it. You have to work (fight) for it, earn it and yes deserve it...and so how to convince oneself that one is deserving......I know that I can get off track but I think this last Tuesday was the worst I can remember. I could not get full. The fact that I stopped and turned it around on Wednesday is nothing short of a miracle. I don't know how I will proceed from here except that I'm going forward...and trying very hard not to look back and sabotage myself with regret and recriminations.

I don't know what happened with my back. It was okay when I went to bed and then I woke up Monday morning and couldn't stand up because there was this hitch in my lower back/hips. I don't think I'm prone to back problems, I've never injured my back...it could be arthritis or stress or a combo of the two. I do get a lot of joint pain and ignore it mostly.

Thank you again Maggie. I will try NOT to listen to the ugly talk and try very hard to make some "positive speak" at myself.
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Old 09-06-2012, 05:34 PM   #1025
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Just wanted to give you a hug, friend.

And there is nothing wrong with you. I understand how hard it is not to "be there" for others but it takes a toll on us, too. We have developed the coping mechanism of eating. I always joke with my sister that all the kids in our family developed different coping mechanisms - I eat; she spends money; my brother is an alcoholic.

You need to be kind to yourself which is not easy. Shush those rude voices in your head. Reason it out when they start.

Will we ever get control of this weight? Who the hell knows? LOL! But we will fight, like Maggie said. Yeah, sometimes the fight is out of us and that's okay too. We fight when we are well armed. You don't go into battle with armor made of kleenex, right?

And the skin? Well, yeah, we women of a certain age.....but I've heard it is better to have loose skin than have it filled with fat. When I was at my lowest I had a turkey waddle I hated. Now it's filled up and I hate it. Never satisfied!

Fulfilling career - former labor and delivery nurse; now financial manager for 4 OB/GYNS - dream of working at a grocery store. Crazy, right? I want something I don't take home at night; where I'm happy. I'm learning that's important in life.

Europe - been there and enjoyed it but it made me realize all the wonderful places in my OWN country I needed to visit. Plus that train ride where you had to stand up to pee in the bathroom was not my cup of tea.

Living by the water - one of my dreams too! Are you far from water in Cali? Believe me you are closer to it than I am but I can still dream this one.

What do you do for yourself, Blonde? How do you nurture your spirit? So much giving depletes us. You have to find time to care for yourself. Easier said than done and I need to follow my own advice. But you do it first and get back to us okay?

I broke down crying at work today - just stressed. Work, hubby being gone, son got into a fender bender and our insurance rates are going to skyrocket. Some days it feels I can't even stand straight for the heavy weight I feel in my shoulders. But I know this too shall pass. One day, one minute at a time. I'd have a glass of wine but it's a DD! HA!
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Old 09-07-2012, 08:22 AM   #1026
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Laura love, thanks for the advice, the hugs and the commiseration. One of the things I love about this place is there is never a shortage of empathy, sympathy and tea (cyber-tea). I'm not surprised by your former profession. You remind me so much of my dear SIL and she is a former EMT and Captain of a fire dept. I guess you both have that way of speaking and humor that comes from seeing more than you wanted to see. Do you miss the "practicing" part of your profession? I can understand the appeal of grocery clerk...it doesn't come home with you.

I don't know what I do for myself...lately a lot of wallowing apparently. Escapism through reading is probably one of the things. Since I quit smoking I find myself watching waaaay too much television at night. Another form of escapism. I think about doing something "lofty" like going back to school but I don't know what I would even want to study. I do love to garden but it has been so blasting hot that everything is wilting, croaking or already dead out there. When this happens I promise myself a cactus garden, but I really do love blooms. I love to cook and again too hot to cook or eat hot food.

I also like to write. Would you laugh if I said I feel that I write better with a cigarette in my hand? I always thought that Stephen Kings decline was due to the fact that he quit smoking...not a good reason for me to smoke. I've come to KNOW that smoking is a never ever thing...and perhaps that is part of my mindset? Grief over a lost (bad) friend. My DD27 brought a book to me yesterday. It's called "The Power of Focus for Women" and she tells me that it'll help a lot. She loves the book. I love her, so I'll read it.

I'm having a DD today, so far just coffee at the rate of about 45 calories total. I have some tofu shiritaki, some boiled eggs and plenty of chicken breast on hand. I can do this today and tomorrow I can eat.
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Old 09-07-2012, 08:48 AM   #1027
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Just making a note....way TMI but I need to write this down.

I've started a paper food journal for DD's to try and find what types of DD foods keep me satisfied longer, then I can relay that to my journal here. Physically I'm not entirely well today, I have been coughing a lot with some residual "wheezing" in between using my inhaler. I know JUDDD helps me a lot with Asthma so I also want to track that aspect of the program. I did have what seemed to be a cold week before last and then a lot of dry coughing. Now it's not so dry and leaves a metallic, coppery taste in the back of my throat. I'm hoping JUDDD will help my lungs feel happier. I'm a mess.

Well shoot it sounds like I may have bronchitis. Lots of water and some Mucinex.

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Old 09-07-2012, 10:31 AM   #1028
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Pudding ALERT!!!

1 pkg Swiss Miss diet cocoa (25 cals)
1/4 cup unsweetened Almond milk (9)
3/4 cup water
1/4 tsp butter flavoring
1/4 tsp vanilla flavoring
1 tsp splenda
1 tsp glu powder

Put all ingredients in a blender then add glu powder, blend until well combined, pour it into a non-stick pan and heat and whisk until hot and thick. Eat it while its still warm, Very yum and comforting!

Yep, got out the gluc powder.
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Old 09-07-2012, 03:33 PM   #1029
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Holding steady at 415 calories...DD27 came over and brought us lunch to share so we split refried beans and carne asada no guacamole. Being completely honest with the calculator that tiny plate of food came in at 300 calories. Yikes. So I'm either having cabbage or gluc pudding for dinner. Luckily I'm not hungry right now....Isn't it amazing how many calories you (I) probably eat in a day? I'm going to say hundreds more than I think.
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Old 09-07-2012, 06:15 PM   #1030
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Hello Miss Have I told you that I love how you write????? Laura too, for that matter. Seriously, I think you need to consider writing a book.

You can always be like me and spend the last 2 years going to school but have absolutely no idea what you wanna be. I seriously. do. not. know. If I had to choose something or be pushed off the side of a cliff...I'd be goin down because for the life of me, EVERYTHING intrigues me.. but I guess for the purpose of thinking that I might die, I might just blurt out whatever comes to mind.

Proud of you for logging food and really assessing what inspires you and keeps you going. I have to log food for 10 weeks for my nutrition class and it just may kill me. If I'm smart I will find some motivation mixed in there somewhere and see if there's something tripping me up, huh?

Have a great weekend honey!
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Old 09-07-2012, 07:24 PM   #1031
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Look at you doing a DD! I'm so proud of you! Keep posting those gluc recipes! I haven't pulled mine out and I need to. I decided yesterday that I only like my coffee with the good creamer. I am not wiling to use the other stuff I've been trying. So. I will count the calories in my yum creamer and enjoy it instead of punishing myself with something I clearly don't want. But that means less calories later on. So I'm going to rely on veggies and gluc and miracle noodles.

YES I truly miss nursing. I just grew weary of working with lazy nurses who only showed up for a check. You can only care so much before you crack! Now I'm too old and achy to even think of a 12 hour shift! But I have my glory stories and even delivered a couple of babies myself.

You know it's okay to mourn the loss of your bad friend. Smoking has so much habit and association that is oddly comforting. But be proud of your accomplishment thus far!

Oh and yeah I'd say you have bronchitis. I hate that metallic taste. Ick. Feel and breathe better!
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Old 09-08-2012, 05:44 AM   #1032
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Sounds like you are feeling and doing better Blonde, I am so glad.
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Old 09-10-2012, 06:16 AM   #1033
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Mornin' Lovelies! Danielle, thanks for the kudos. I'll not be writing a book. I love how you write as well as Laura and Maggie. I guess if we didn't like it we wouldn't have much to say

If at first you don't succeed try, try again. 'Nuff said. Weekends are grueling and I'm going to make a point of being very careful this week, stay on my DD's M-W-F and play the weekend by ear. DD today.

I'm still coughing but the icky metallic taste is gone. Drinking water, taking Mucinex, etc. The weather here in beautiful San Diego is, in a word, yuck. Muggy with no breeze, no rain...just the threat of it. It feels like Arkansas, by a river on an especially humid day...if you know what I mean? Seriously, if you live in or have been to the south in summer...this is not typical weather for us. We have a 50 to 70% chance of rain today, which in Southern California means probably not.

B: Coffee/creamer 55 ( I know, I have to have my creamer)
2 boiled eggs, 106
LF Mayo 15
Mustard 0
This is the link to the Gluccomanan Recipe site:

Glucomannan Recipes

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Old 09-10-2012, 06:41 AM   #1034
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Not sure if you knew this or not but I am a Cali girl? Grew up in Chino, small more dairy farm town but all grown up from what I hear. I made hubby take me to San Deigo when we were engaged to visit Six Flags there because I wanted to see the Orca Whale. I never had druven to San Diego because I hate the freeway system in California. He was so sweet to take me and it was about a 2 hour drive. I haven't been back home for at least 23 years and do need to make a trip soon before all my siblings get too old, as well as myself. the beaches there and that is why I am taking a trip to Merytle Beach next year with hubby because I want to see a "real" beach not like the lakes here in MI that they call beaches. My Avi is supposed to be me walking on the shoreline of Meryte Beach. Just thought you should know.

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Old 09-10-2012, 07:38 AM   #1035
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Hope you are fully recovered soon, Blonde!
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Old 09-10-2012, 09:04 AM   #1036
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No Maggie, I didn't know you were a California girl. I honestly don't know how you can stay away so long...it gets in your blood. I don't know if I could live more than 20 minutes from the ocean. You're right, Chino is all grown up now. I love San Diego so much but I've lived inland before, I grew up in the Los Angeles area, moved to Covina for three years (that's close to Pasadena) finished high school in Missouri...and I've been in San Diego for 38 years. I'd love to see Myrtle Beach, I've only seen the Pacific ocean.

Hey Christine, glad you're back...I don't know if I'm ever going to "fully recover". I'm not whining, just sayin', it seems like it's always something. Aches and pains of getting older although I don't want to admit to that. I think if I can get my food under control that will help and of course back on the exercise track. I feel like I have lead weights on my feet. I did this to myself, and hopefully I can dig myself out of this funk.

Work today...I have Gluc pudding for after work about 40 caloies, that'll leave some room for dinner. Probably salad and chicken... What else, right?
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:07 AM   #1037
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I have one good solid DD behind me and I can't tell you how much better that makes me feel. I don't know if that's good or if it's a sad state of affairs when one perfect DD can set me on track like nothing else. I'm just going to take it for what it is, progress.

As usual, I'm not hungry the morning after a DD. Last night is another story altogether and I bargained with myself for food in the morning and just hang in until then and I did. My self esteem is so wrapped up in my ability to get through a DD. It helps to know how badly I will feel if I fail. Or maybe on the positive note, it makes me feel fabulous to succeed. I don't care if the scale doesn't budge, I'm getting thinner in my head.

I feel I should say something about 9/11 which is today, the 11th year after. The morning news is going non-stop with film from the actual events and commentaries of survivors, etc. I spent the first hours this morning in tears. My heart aches. I am now turning off the television and getting on with my day. I have not forgotten, I won't ever forget but I can only watch so much before it becomes too much.

Up day. Let it be a moderate one.
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:14 AM   #1038
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I know what you mean, Blonde. I feel so terrible when I don't make it through a day of clean eating. As for getting thinner in your head, the fact is that every day of progress is a step closer to better health, even if you don't see the results on the scale!

I hear you on 9/11. I walked outside this morning and thought about how the morning was so similar to that morning 11 years ago (clear, cool, crisp here on the East Coast). My baby was 5 months old in 2011, and I remember feeling devastated that I brought him into a world of chaos and equally devastated for the babies whose parents wouldn't be returning home that night.
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Old 09-11-2012, 07:49 AM   #1039
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A "borrowed" recipe from Christine CQ, because friends would never steal from a friend. Thank you Chrisitne!

"As for the chicken dish, it's funny that you mention it: I'm eating some cold right now! Here's what I do":

Throw some chicken breasts in the crockpot
Top with 3/4 bottle of wing sauce (I use one particular brand because it's 0g carb; I can't recall what it is. Frank's wing sauce, maybe? Just check the labels carefully as there is a huge difference among brands)
Throw in 1 brick cream cheese and 1 envelope dry ranch (or make your own dry ranch mix, like I do. There are recipes online, and it's very simple)

Cook on low for 8 hours. Shred chicken with two forks. For the carb eaters in my house, I serve it on a steak roll. For me, I just dump it into a dish, and if I'm feeling particularly adventurous, I might top it with cheese .



Gosh this sounds do yummy I can hardly wait to try it. I love Buffalo sauce.
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Old 09-11-2012, 08:53 AM   #1040
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Hey Laura! I'm doing a gluc experiment today. Since it is an up day and I can have what I want to eat, I'm testing the "hunger-reducing properties" of glucomannan. I made a shake of almond milk and lemonade flavored singles powder packets (the kind you put in a bottle of water) and 1/2 tsp gluc powder. I used one flavor packet and found I needed to add one more. I think the gluc absorbs a lot and can zap the flavors from the mix. So 8oz Almond milk (unsweetened) and the flavoring. 40 calories. I could also do this with 50/50 water and almond milk for a 20 calorie shake.

I drank the shake, it tasted a lot like lemon meringue pie with the meringue all blended in. It was very filling. The only other thing I've eaten today was a few bites of leftover chicken breast. I feel very satisfied at the moment, not hungry at all. I guess the experiment is to see how long the shake holds my appetite at bay. If this is a lasting feeling it will make a perfect DD snack or even breakfast drink. Hunger on DD's is the hardest part.

I can eat this stuff but I can hardly stomach it in the form of miracle noodles. Too rubberband-like. The tofu shiritaki is a little better but I almost have to make it a day ahead to be able to eat it.

I read an article regarding Konjac aka Glucomannann Powder. In a double blind test, 20 obese patients were given either konjac powder or placebos and were told not to change their eating or exercise habits in any way. After 6 weeks the patients receiving the glucomannan powder lost an average of 5.5lbs. Without changing anything else. Pretty cool.

I'll report in later to let you now how I feel in terms of hunger or whether or not I eat less at lunch. Cao Bella
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:15 AM   #1041
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZZW...o&feature=plcp

Something I want to watch that was posted on a JUDDD thread. I needed to be able to find it!
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Old 09-11-2012, 09:40 AM   #1042
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BBC News - The power of intermittent fasting

An article I need to read.
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Old 09-11-2012, 10:01 AM   #1043
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Originally Posted by Blonde with a Rose View Post
Fascinating! I find that I tend to eat like this naturally, if I eat mindfully.
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Old 09-11-2012, 10:03 AM   #1044
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Checkin in and sayin HI! Keep on truckin mama!!
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Old 09-11-2012, 04:39 PM   #1045
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Hey Blonde - somewhere on YouTube is the video that goes with the article from the BBC and it was sooooo interesting! They guy went all over the US to talk to scientists who are doing research into fasting and how it lowers cancer risk. The host of the show whose picture is at the top of the article finally ended up doing two days a week at 600 calories and eating normally the rest of the time. And all his blood numbers were as good as when he TOTALLY fasted for four days. Plus he lost weight very well. It is somewhere in the JUDDD thread. And even past the weight loss I want so badly, when I'm having a rough DD, I think about the fact that I am helping protect myself against cancer!

Keep me posted on your gluc shake. That is a great way to spend 40 or even 20 calories on a DD! I can take the miracle noodles if I mix them with enough other stuff. But they are very rubber bandy!
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Old 09-11-2012, 04:46 PM   #1046
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BBC Horizon 2012: Eat, Fast and Live Longer - YouTube

This is the one! And I will check out the one you posted as well.

I'm very proud of you for getting through your DD. It does do something in your mind to know you have succeeded. You deserve to feel good. And proud.
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Old 09-12-2012, 06:48 AM   #1047
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Hey there Laura! I didn't make it through the video I posted but what I saw was pretty interesting. I"ll try to get through it today. I'll also watch the one you sent because I didn't make it through the article. I think I had A-D-D yesterday.

DD, work day, and drizzle day as well. Not rain, just foggy with dripping marine layer. We really need rain, but I don't think we're going to get any for awhile.

Making boiled eggs (2) for breakfast. Planning some sort of salad for dinner, either with chicken or a frozen DD dinner with greens.

I have gluc pudding for filler. Best recipe yet:

1 cup Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk (I like Almond Breeze)
1 singles packet of Lemonade drink powder
1/2 tsp Glucomannan Powder

Blend milk and flavored powder. While still blending, "sprinkle" in glu powder and whir on whip setting until everything is frothy. Pour into a ramikin or cup, refridegerate and let set up. Yum. This recipe has 40 total calories. The next time I make this Iim going to use have the almond milk and substitute half water.

Last edited by Blonde with a Rose; 09-12-2012 at 07:03 AM..
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Old 09-12-2012, 07:59 AM   #1048
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Just watched the BBC video. A little lengthy but truly fascinating and a huge boost to my motivation. Thanks Laura!
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Old 09-12-2012, 09:29 AM   #1049
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My head is kind of spinning , and so full of information on ADF (alternate day fasting). I've always eaten 2 or 3 mini meals during my down day but I'm going to try and have one single meal. There are many thoughts on this. I think either way is fine but I'd like to see if I can do it this way. If I can't or it's too hard, I'll go back to the old. My thoughts are if I can adapt to one meal, DD's will be easier and my actual "fasting" time between DD/UP will be longer. We'll see. Sounds like a lofty goal but at least I'm exploring possibilities instead of whining "I can't do it" and whippin' on myself.

I gotta get to work!
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Old 09-12-2012, 04:21 PM   #1050
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Hey Blonde!

First off - what is a dripping marine layer?

Second - I made a gluc shake with almond milk and lemonade powder. LOVED it! Only problem was the lumpiness. I know you have to watch how you add gluc. I made my shake in the magic bullet so I had just dumped the gluc right on in. But even the lumps didn't bother me. It was really good. Mine came to 50 calories because the lemonade powder had 10 calories. Might try half water half almond milk to lower it down some. But it was nom nom nommy.

I wish you success on the eating once a day if you try it. I don't even think I could do it. But sure would be nice to have a 500 calorie meal. It is just getting to that meal time that would make be crazy.
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