Blonde with a Rose Meets JUDDD

[Blonde with a Rose]

A note I made on Ellgees journal and I wanted to remember it.

As Laura said we talked about it on my journal too. We are not perfect and life does not have to be about never having anything good to eat ever again. I don't know how many times I've screwed up over a dinner date (once I ordered seared ahi 'cause it was low carb) I hated it, and went home and ate noodles. Or agonizing over going to a movie and not having popcorn (L/C) or skipping the turkey dressing and cranberries and mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving only to eat pie like a madwoman later....There are ways to have our cake and eat it too. JUDDD is like that for me. I would rather diet every other day and not feel the guilt from an ice cream cone or popcorn with butter. It is a very slow loss for me but it's okay because I'm not suffering (too much) and I'm going in the right direction. I do know this for sure, I cannot continue the rest of my life feeling bad about myself.

[ellgee]

Originally Posted by Blonde with a Rose

Hey girls!

Oh Missy Laura, dieting ADD is perfect! Would that we could eat less, exercise more. Geez we would. I know what you mean about wired differently. Most people of "normal" habits don't get that there is so much more to food than just feeding a body. And apparently there are more of us than ever. Do what you can, when you can. And making a U-turn at the nearest off-ramp is a really good idea. I think trying to remember that we're having a bad DAY, and that we're not BAD is important. I even try to remember that I had a bad food choice and not a whole bad day. Why is it so hard? Laura did you have WLS?

Yeah, I have always thought that normal sized people who have never had a weight problem don't realize it goes way beyond food. It's self esteem, guilt, you name it!

Yes, I had lap band surgery back on 2006. My all time high was 309 pounds so in essence it has helped me somewhat. But I was never one to keep a tight lap band and eat 1/2 cup of food at a time. It can be very uncomfortable when you are too tight - food gets stuck. Ick! I have a small hernia near where my lap band port is and I am considering having that repaired and getting the band removed. Just about all I do right now is done 100% on my own. I could eat a horse. Especially if you deep fried it. So Blonde, I agree, if the underlying symptom isn't addressed, it might help temporarily but not long term. I know several people who have had gastric bypass that have put all their weight back on. All WLS is a tool. The real work comes from the person.

[JK130]

Laura, I appreciate your perspective on WLS. I think you're saying that having a mechanically small stomach makes compulsive overeating uncomfortable but achievable. Do you think the WLS lets you enjoy eating less? Are you less hungry?

(sorry Blonde for hijacking, but I am so curious about people's experiences with any dieting tool)

Jan

[Blonde with a Rose]

No worries Jan, I'm interested as well.

Laura, short of having WLS I've tried just about everything else diet-wise. I even drank liquid protein replacement (a vile cherry flavored slime) that was so popular in the 70's. Some people had deadly heart arrythmias using that goo, but I didn't care, I figured I'd die skinny.

Had a DD fail yesterday, do you think it might have been my attitude regarding my prepared meal? Yep, it's still in the fridge and I get to eat it today or not... I will call yesterday a medium day and proceed as normal. This is a only a disappointment and nothing more. I can do this, I'm not perfect, I can strive for perfection.

It's been so hot here and kind of depressing to be stuck inside. I need to busy my fingers and stay out of the kitchen. I miss cooking, and baking...no way is the oven getting used. We ran the a/c until 12:30 am. I have it on again and will shut it off at 7 am. (Oops, I just shut it off 7:03). GD's are due any minute and we're going to get in a short walk before it starts to blaze. I feel I'm in need of some fun (retail therapy).

Just wanted to add, I agree completely Laura, the real work does come from the dieter. And it is work. For "normal" weight people it's a mystery why we aren't all svelte.

[ellgee]

Originally Posted by JK130

Laura, I appreciate your perspective on WLS. I think you're saying that having a mechanically small stomach makes compulsive overeating uncomfortable but achievable. Do you think the WLS lets you enjoy eating less? Are you less hungry?

(sorry Blonde for hijacking, but I am so curious about people's experiences with any dieting tool)

Jan

Jan,

Yes the compulsive overating IS uncomfortable with a band that is tight enough. However, there are foods we call slider foods that you can eat as much of as you want and never feel full - ice cream, mashed potatoes, chocolate. So you see there are ways to work around the band. And the foods that make you feel full - hard protein like chicken - aren't those things I would binge on. I would binge on slider foods!

I still VERY much enjoy eating. Our whole society is so bound by all the payoffs eating gives us. Of course, after having gotten stuck a few times (where food can't get past the band) I didn't want to eat for a LONG time. It feels like a combination of choking/not being able to breathe. Not fun. Also, being a member of the clean plate club I did feel less joy when I couldn't finish something on my plate.

Less hungry - hmmmm. I guess because my band is loose I tend to get hungry normally. Again, it is the head hunger that I have the trouble with. Wanting to eat when I am not hungry; needing to eat when not hungry.

Sometimes I think I should go and get a fill to make my band tighter but I remember how it felt. My whole family knew when I was stuck. They could imitate me to the letter! They said it was a deer in headlights look. LOL! I haven't gotten stuck in a LONG time.

Thanks Blonde for letting us talk about this. It may sound like I am not pro-WLS. I think it has worked really well for so many people. But there is a small contingent of us that didn't have the resounding success others have had. Last year I was eating 1000 calories a day and working out like a maniac. I lost down to below 200. But now I am back where I started because it is a HEAD issue! I rebelled against the strictness I placed on myself and went cuckoo bananas. Again, I feel most of that was me working and not the band.

[JK130]

Ellgee, I see that you are online and want to send you major.

I'm thinking about what you're saying, and fascinated. Do you have any thoughts about someone getting WLS AFTER losing a lot of weight? I'm pretty sure I'm WAY too chicken to ever GET the surgery, but hearing your perspective is so helpful. Thank you so much for sharing. Maybe I've missed it, but I haven't read much about the emotions and effectiveness of WLS here on LCF.

Jan

[ellgee]

Awww, thanks Jan.

Well, as to getting WLS after losing a lot of weight.....first, most docs require you to be a certain BMI before they would consider doing it. Secondly, your success Jan rivals any WLS person I've ever seen. You obviously have what it takes to succeed in this journey. I've often felt like a WLS failure because I wasn't able to just drop weight like crazy. It seems like a lot of wasted time and money at this point.

Are you worried you will regain the weight? You obviously have what it takes to do this hard work of weight loss. You really should be quite proud of yourself.

[Blonde with a Rose]

Laura thank you for sharing some of your experience with us. I truly believe that "head" hunger is the culprit that keeps me from succeeding all the way down. This could also be referred to as "heart" and "love" hunger. I know you get that. The feeling that something is "missing". It's an elusive thing and if I could put my finger on it I'd I'd squash it into oblivion.

It's so hard to find the fortitude to get back on track. It's not will power because I think we all have some of that. Jan, you have come along way and something is keeping you from getting back, or getting restarted. For myself, it's always been the fear of failure and the fear of feeling way worse mentally because I couldn't stick to whatever criteria I place on myself. It's a constant push push push against....me. I'm so happy that we have a forum to discuss these things.

I have another UTI and the antibiotic is making my stomach sick. The pain is gone and that's worth it. My Doc says that post-menopausal women are prone to them. Whoopee.Have had a couple of medium days in a row because of the tummy thing. Swell.

Hugs!

[ellgee]

Sorry about the UTI friend. They are no fun at all. Nice to know I can look forward to that. Not. Luckily I'm still living in PERI-menopausal land. Inching closer and closer to POST-menopausal.

I understand about the "missing" feeling. I guess if we want to get real psychological on ourselves - the eating replaces that which we lack. Now. What do I lack? And darned if my daughter hasn't inherited that as well. My son, not at all. One thing about my daughter - she has a hugely intact self esteem. While I know she would probably like to lose weight, she's happy in her skin. I have never been that way.

And why are we so cruel to ourselves? We don't start something new because we don't want to fail. But we don't even give ourselves credit for trying. I just don't know. I figure a whole lot of trying is worth way more than just giving up all together. Right?

And heavens if we finally lose all our weight, whatever will we talk about??

[JK130]

Thank you Blonde and Laura for your thoughtful insights.

Drink lots of water Blonde!!!

[DesertGurl]

Originally Posted by ellgee

Sorry about the UTI friend. They are no fun at all. Nice to know I can look forward to that. Not. Luckily I'm still living in PERI-menopausal land. Inching closer and closer to POST-menopausal.

I understand about the "missing" feeling. I guess if we want to get real psychological on ourselves - the eating replaces that which we lack. Now. What do I lack? And darned if my daughter hasn't inherited that as well. My son, not at all. One thing about my daughter - she has a hugely intact self esteem. While I know she would probably like to lose weight, she's happy in her skin. I have never been that way.

And why are we so cruel to ourselves? We don't start something new because we don't want to fail. But we don't even give ourselves credit for trying. I just don't know. I figure a whole lot of trying is worth way more than just giving up all together. Right?

And heavens if we finally lose all our weight, whatever will we talk about??

Yanno, there is something to be said about the idea of being comfortable in your own skin. I have struggled with this for years and years and years, always despising my body. Somehow always tying that into my self-worth, esteem, etc.. I wasn't slim so what the heck did I deserve to be happy for, and so on and so on... Bob Harper (ala Biggest Loser) wrote his first book a few years ago and the whole first part talks about how we need to accept the way we are at this moment, this size, lumps and all. He talked about how successful weight loss is about "feeding" your brain healthy self talk. Very blunt about the idea that in order to truly succeed in reaching your weight loss goal became about accepting yourself no matter your size, and really embracing and loving yourself inside & out. Really struck a chord with me and I began to work on that.. of course I began numerous attempts at weight loss the last few years, always ending in a *fail*. the past year has been ALOT about self-discovery for me, changes coming left and right. I didn't try losing for months, just figuring out how to be happy in my skin. Guess what? I found it. Totally when I wasn't looking too. Lots of discussions with my BFF and my husband began to show me that I was truly happy just the way I was and content in my life. I embraced how I looked, feeling even, dare I say, beautiful? I have never felt anything remotely close to this ever in my life, it was very gratifying to feel relief and acceptance just how i was. I had the matter of health issues hanging around always in the back of my head and I knew I did have to do something at some point. Beginning again this time for me has been utterly different than anything I've ever done before. I stuck it out despite nasty ugly stalling for 7 weeks before the scale moved again. I dug in more determined to not let this beat me this time. For the very first time I actually believe in ME. Believing your worth it, all the time spent in the kitchen, all the sweat, even the frustration, has all come from that one little word~ BELIEVE.

I always try and practice the old saying, what would you tell your best girlfriend, or even your daughter if they were in the spot you're in right now? You most definitely would NOT tell them they're not worth it, undeserving, ugly, whatever... You would lift them up to the stars and tell them how wonderful they are, how beautiful they are, and that YES, they can achieve success. So why can't we tell ourselves that too? Start practicing ladies! There's only 1 you, we're all unique and special in our own ways and that's what makes us awesome! ♥

Laura, I really think us girls could find a ton of topics to talk about beside weight loss! The gift of gab is a talent that we all possess! LOL

[JK130]

Danielle, your new book (the one you haven't written - yet) about self awareness and love will be a best seller! You have a lovely way with words! Remind me what you're studying? Something that leaves you with even more skills in interacting with people? I'm guessing that people love your empathetic self

Nah...I got nuttin' to chat about. Work. Work. Work. Sleep. Eat (you already hear about that) Work. Work. Work. Eat. Sleep.

Happy Saturday ladies! Jan

[ellgee]

Oh Dani! You are so right. And I know these things in my head. It's so hard to put into practice! Today I was face plucking with my 15x magnification mirror. I was NOT kind to myself! Damn that mirror! Really, really going to work on this. I remember even when my daughter was quite young she would say "Mommy, I LOVE myself!" and I remember hoping that she would ALWAYS be able to say that. I'm glad you were able to get there, Dani. I want to get there too!

[piratejenny]

Hello, dear JUDDD BUDDD! Long time, no see!

I don't know HOW, but my mischievous tablet FORCED me to your journal just now.
And last night, I was shopping for vitamins, and came across a reference to d-mannose as a sweetener safe for diabetics. I read several reviews...and they mostly raved about its being a miracle cure for UTIs!!!
Have you heard of or tried it?

[Blonde with a Rose]

So many good thoughts here...

Jan, we will always find things to talk about because we're friends! So tell me, how is your sleep? Are you resting well? Tossing and turning? What about work? Are they treating you as you deserve? Eating? Whatcha been eating?

Dani~ Jan is correct, you have a way with words. You also have a way of getting to the root of the matter. Self-esteem. Is it possible to love ourselves in our current imperfect condition? That goes right back to the perfectionism and why we are not going to try to be perfect anymore. I'll throw in another subject here...aging. I know that even if (when) I reach my goal, I'm never gonna have a body that says 20 or 30 and probably not even 40 years old. That's a tough one in itself. Keep talking girl, I for one am listening hard.

Laura~ Because your daughter has issues, as most women do (although some exercise to exhaustion instead of eating) how much do hormones play in this "condition"? I know my hormones or lack thereof cause me havoc with hot flashes and nightsweats. My youngest DD has PMDD and tries to treat it with exercise and clean eating but sometimes she has no control over the feelings she gets right before her cycle restarts. Food is obviously my drug of choice. It's cheap, available and legal.

Hey, Jenny of the Pirate Persuasion! Good to see you! I have not heard of d-mannose or it's properties but that's very interesting and I will do some research on that. Thank you! I'd really rather not have to take antibiotics every time this happens. So how are you doing? Still JUDDD'ing?

I had the stomach ache from hell yesterday, all better now. Continuing to count calories for a couple more days until the meds are all gone. It's a mere bump in the road, and since I have a long way to travel, I'm going to take this one day/step at a time.

As always, thank you all for keeping me company when you can, offering fabulous advice, and sharing your insights. I feel so lucky to have such good LC friends.

[piratejenny]

No, I haven't been JUDDDing for a couple weeks...months?
I just never got the hang of DDs.
I would eat lower fat food and/or skip a couple meals, but get hungry at night.
I was doing Fast 5 for a while.

The last couple weeks my insomnia was getting worse and worse (which it has done before with IF and on DDs especially), and I started reading about melatonin and cortisol and all that.

So for now I am focusing on different eating patterns (high protein breakfast) and short, intense exercise (5-8 minutes), and ordered a couple new supplements (colostrum and phosphatidylserine). Not going to count calories for now. My weight is going down and I am sleeping better already (after 4-5 days).


The reviews about d-mannose curing UTIs are SO positive, and there are SO many of them! I hope that it works for you, if you decide to try it!!!

[Blonde with a Rose]

Whatever works for you, that's what you should do, and if it stops working move onto the next thing but never give up!

I DO know about melatonin and I take it every night. It is wonderful to help you fall asleep. The more often you take it (nightly) the better it works. I feel it helps keep me on an even keel all day. Thanks for the d-mannose info, I'm checking it out!

~Blonde

[Blonde with a Rose]

Been going back over some of my old posts..isn't that why I made a journal? I want to reach that place again, the one where I felt so confident and positive and strong and...light of mind and body. I can do this.

[JK130]

"Jan, we will always find things to talk about because we're friends! So tell me, how is your sleep? Are you resting well? Tossing and turning? What about work? Are they treating you as you deserve? Eating? Whatcha been eating?"

Hey sweet lady, mega thanks for checking up on me!!!! Sleeping...not the best. Nope, not rested. Eating...doing sorta OK. Low carb (yay!) but too many calories. NOT enough exercise is the real issue!

Your "What about work?" question gave me a smile...sort of. I am the Superintendent of a very small school district. Sooooooo, I AM the one doing the treating! I'm the "boss", I wear a suit to work. I am pretty good at it, I'll have you all know I don't have a ton of chatter about stuff and things, but I could talk ALL DAY (and even MORE!!) about kids,and learning, and schools.

Jan

[JK130]

"Jan, we will always find things to talk about because we're friends! So tell me, how is your sleep? Are you resting well? Tossing and turning? What about work? Are they treating you as you deserve? Eating? Whatcha been eating?"

Hey sweet lady, mega thanks for checking up on me!!!! Sleeping...not the best. Nope, not rested. Eating...doing sorta OK. Low carb (yay!) but too many calories. NOT enough exercise is the real issue!

Your "What about work?" question gave me a smile...sort of. I am the Superintendent of a very small school district. Sooooooo, I AM the one doing the treating! I'm the "boss", I wear a suit to work. I am pretty good at it, I'll have you all know I don't have a ton of chatter about stuff and things, but I could talk ALL DAY (and even MORE!!) about kids,and learning, and schools.

Jan

[JK130]

sorry about the double post...I was trying to respond and let you know Blonde, that YOU are awesome!!!! And MY foodie hero!

Jan

[Blonde with a Rose]

Jan I imagine that you are well respected and adored! You have a lot of responsibility and a very important role in your community. I don't think enough is done in our country for school age children, after all they are our future! So...do you wear a "power" suit?

I'm really glad to hear you are back to low carbing. I wouldn't worry too much about calories right now because you will naturally lose your cravings and will want less over time. So give yourself kudos for what you are doing. As for exercise, I don't have much room to talk. The walks with the GD's ...better than what I have been doing but I know I could do more. I really need to work on my arms and my stomach muscles. I just don't see myself doing situps anytime soon...

I am back on the JUDDD trail, I decided to just do it regardless of the meds.

B: 2 eggs (140)
Coffee w/ non dairy creamer (30)
L: Nada (nothing), Pepsi Max, iced tea (0)
D: Chicken, romaine mix, Tomato, Walden Farms Dressing, salsa (approx 275)

Extremely busy at work today, first day of the Never Ending Pasta Bowl, lots of walking, lifting, bending and stretching (oh, and smiling. Does smiling burn calories?). My feet hurt.

And~ In answer to my own question regarding being positive and confident, reading back in my journal helps and taking action helps the most. So just do it.

[ellgee]

Hi Blonde!

We are doing DD together! Sounds like you had a good day - and on that exercise front - you can bet all that movement at work counts as exercise. I have this FitBit thingy you attach to your bra or pants pocket and it measures calories burned. Just doing housework and laundry and all the walking around that entails burns a lot of calories. So I imagine at your job you are a calorie burning furnace!

Jan - what an impressive position to have! I cannot imagine that kind of responsibility. Hope the sleep gets better. I have a lot of troubles with that too. It runs in waves for me. Keep on low carbing and the calories will take care of themselves like Blonde said.

And on my daughter, Blonde - I'm sure part of it is hormonal but part of it is learning the coping mechanisms her mom has used for years. I hate that. While I am concerned about her health, the weight loss has to be her decision. She's content in her skin, has a fiance' who loves her so for now I think it's a non issue for her. And I try to not even go there - touchy, know what I mean but can't blame her. I hated my mom bugging me about my weight, too.

Gotta figure out my DD dinner. Have a whopping 238 calories to play with.

[ChristineCQ]

Hey Blonde, I don't know if smiling burns calories, but SURELY choking back what you REALLY want to say to people must, right???? I don't know how you deal with the general public; I think you must be a saint!

Have a wonderful day!

[Blonde with a Rose]

LOL Christine! I am no saint but it's funny you mentioned the choking back part...Most of our patrons are great but once in a while you get a real stinker. We amuse ourselves (servers) in the side station by saying what we really wanted to say. It's hilarious and a great stress buster.

Jan regarding the double post I'd rather hear the same thing twice than not at all!

Laura, I feel so fortunate, my mom never bugged me about my weight! Although mildly overweight as a teen, my real weight issues came as an adult, after children and it seems to rise under great stress, such as the death of a loved one. My mom died when I was 32, my eldest brother the year before, and I just ballooned. Incidentally this also coincides with my re-smoking issues. My last smoking debacle came when I lost my middle brother two years ago. I smoked for several monthd then quit only to restart right before DD's wedding. I quit 5 months ago and then relapsed when we bought our roadster. All of this is coming to me and I'm seeing a major pattern. I REALLY need a better way to deal with stress! This is the last time I'm going to have to quit. It's been so many days now I've lost count, I think 23/24 days?

Made it through my DD with flying colors and it's amazing how well I sleep, how good I feel when I wake up. Not just lighter but successful! I had a skinny dream last night, first one in well over a year. Someone was making home movies and I looked thin in them. Yay!

Up day today Laura! Together!

[DesertGurl]

Keep on remembering all those great feelings of better health, better sleep, and you will definitely keep going and do great! I've had to practice reminding myself all the time about all the other benefits of a lifestyle change except for numbers..it's hard at first but pretty soon that's almost all I focus on.

I'm sure biting the tongue in the food industry is the same as retail...cannot tell ya how many times I've had to excuse myself to the stock room and just scream. Amazing what people demand, as if I should give you stuff for free??? OYE!

Ya know already what a great stress reliever is....that pesky word, exercise......I have found the last few months with exercise a great way to work out my frustration, stress, and even a little anger. and YES, this WILL be the last time you need to quit smoking! I know it!

I was constantly berrated for my weight as a kid. My mother was constantly at me because I was *sooooo* huge. ... I look back at pictures of me as a kid and I was maybe all of 10 pounds heavier than my friends. No joke. Took me many many years to realize just how unhappy my mom was with herself and her insecurities about her weight that she honed in on me and used me as her human punching bag. Rough road for me, but yanno, I wouldn't change anything. All of it has made me who I am, and I KNOW I am strong emotionally because of it.

[Blonde with a Rose]

Dani, you're right! Exercise is a great stress reliever. I'm really very sorry that your Mom berated you about weight issues. I'm quite a bit older than you but I think you'll know what I mean when I say~ that parents of the 50's and early 60's didn't have a clue about how to deal with children's psyche...or the damage they could cause.

Had a great up day yesterday, kept my early calories low so I could have tacos for dinner. Yum. Today is DD and I've already had about 75 calories in my coffee! I will have to watch it closely. Looking forward to another blistering day, walking with the GD's early, getting my chores done this morning. I really need a good book.

[ChristineCQ]

Tacos, yum! Hope you enjoyed them! Have a good day!

[ellgee]

Blonde, you and I have got to figure out a good coffee solution for DD. We both like sweet and light coffee.

Today I tried 3 T of fat free regular coffee mate liquid and 1 T of SF Hershey's syrup for a total of 38 calories. Meh. On a scale of 1 to 10, I give it a 5.

Already dreaming of my coffee tomorrow. I'm almost done with my Heath Bar creamer and planning what to buy next. It's a sickness I tell ya.

[Blonde with a Rose]

Laura, I've been having iced tea with splenda instead of coffee. I've tried using vanilla nut coffee but it doesn't really matter, I like sweet and light. The tea is great especially since it's been so hot but it doesn't have the "kick" I get from coffee.

The week is dragging on.....