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Old 11-05-2010, 08:01 PM   #1
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✿¸.•*¨`*•.~ Demisting Frost, Unveiling the Lotus ~¸.•*¨`*•.✿

I look forward to starting a journal...not something I have ever done before...I am ready for a new start (that is when I have time )
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Old 11-06-2010, 10:05 AM   #2
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From the beginning....

Since I was a baby (yes I said baby!) I was over weight...
The docs were putting uppers in my sugar formula & sugar water
to make me lose weight.
I was on the losing & gaining track all my life. I remember going to
a class when I was in 4th grade called Weigh Down Workshop with a dietitian
and a ton of negative old ladies at the Danish Brotherhood (I am Scottish & Danish)....they would have us line up to go on the scale and if you gained weight the dietitian would ring a cow bell when you "gained" weight...oh the shame!!! I lost 50 pounds by time I got into the 5th grade. I was so afraid of that danged cow bell!!!
Between 5th & 8th grade I gained 100 pounds! I hated myself all my childhood...in jr high people would throw me down the stairs and be horribly nasty...I said enough is enough. I lost 100 pounds. I stayed relatively normal through high school. I became anorexic for 2 years during Senior high and after...I was caught up in my life and not eating for fear of gaining weight.
I contracted a muscular disease...docs told me I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Thank God I am stubborn, I did not believe them and went to many yin/yang holistic docs and finally found a really good one who put me on proper nutrition, vitamins & minerals. I went to physical therapy for a very long time and am walking & am totally healed!! I gained a lot of weight during that time not being able to move.
I got married and from day 1 the marriage was not a good one....I started on the weight loss and gain roller coaster thinking that if I got thin my husband would love me...never happened. When I would get in shape other men noticed but not my husband. I would put weight back on because I couldn't stand the attention my thin body was creating from men seeing my ex denied me physically as well as every other way imaginable! Then I couldn't stand myself and would lose weight again only to go through the same torture...then when I was married for 18 years, I had enough. I went to go have a lap band put in. My ex husband left me right thereafter....(bye, bye ) This was in the beginning stages when they first started putting lap bands in the USA. I had that dominatrix in for over 5 years. I could never eat all day until after 10 pm...even water was sometimes too much and I would vomit. I lost a lot of weight...couldn't eat anything but cheetos...imagine that!!! I was forever throwing up, the bathroom was my best friend! Back in those days you could only go to the doctors that put in your band. He was not at all concerned with my condition, the whole purpose of a lap band is to be able to tighten it to the "right" spot so you are not all that hungry. They would fill it with saline to tighten it (an inner balloon). I NEVER had a fill, that puppy was TOO tight from day 1!!!!... I was very concerned but he wouldn't listen....this went on for 5 years (that is why I call that band my dominatrix!!! It controlled me all the way!). My doc moved to California....I was free to go to another doctor. I found out that the band was too tight from day 1, it left me with bleeding ulcers all way up & down my esophagus. I had the lap band removed. That was 5 years ago. I gained all but 20 pounds back....
I have lost over 900 pounds in my lifetime....prior to the dominatrix I always lost weight with a 1200 cal diet....never did fad diets (other than not eating out of fear of gaining!!).
Today....I have been through so much "stuff" in my life....have had to work hard as a single mom to survive....3 years ago I was diagnosed with a brain stem tumor and MS, the next day my boss fired me as I was a liability, the following day my fiance left me as he didn't want to be with anyone who was gonna die (duh!! LOL). I am HEALED of all of it completely & radically!! I am stubborn with a humongous dose of faith in Jesus! The past 3 years have been hell....I have a high mortgage...not enough $ for my mortgage... sent out of 40 thousand resumes...(I have a boat load of experience & schooling) to no avail. Unemployment was running out...had to get creative and started 2 businesses....a year later...praise God they are both doing amazingly well! NOW is the time for ME ....to let go of the past and move forward to where life will take me.
I am so tired of being rejected by people & men...but worse off...I rejected myself all those years. I truly let what others where feeling about me to run into what I thought of myself. No More ~
I love me...thank God for me...and look forward to see where He takes me on this journey back to me....for me and no one else!
I decided to journal thoughts and etc on here if only for myself....I need to let it go ~
I am loving how I am feeling on this WOL...I can feel after 5 days that my body is loving it too.
Woohoo.....cheers to life

Last edited by 148 life; 11-06-2010 at 10:08 AM..
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Old 11-08-2010, 06:52 AM   #3
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Had some revelations @ church yesterday....P was talking about anger. I thought this was not really for me...I forgive rather quickly & don't carry that un-forgiveness poison with me. He said anger is a reaction to something that is blocking your future.....Anger leads to bitterness and then to hate.
I am not sure I can articulate all my thoughts in words, but I will give it a shot.
My mind & <3 went to forgiving all the horrible abuse I received as a child from all the kids & adults who made fun of me mentally & physically because I was fat. I also had to forgive all those who viewed me as invisible as an adult (especially those @ church whom should be walking in love….”should”…Father forgive them as they do not know what they are doing!!!)and those who rejected me as a person because of my stature, the dates I have been on since divorce of the men (whom I had been honest that I am overweight) who said mean things (after having a great date....no, no sex!) like you are not marriage material because you are fat....or you are beautiful BUT fat so no go....(no, didn't I tell you that??!! sheesh). I may be delusional, but I really do not think I look that bad….do not think I am in total denial…yet…this clearly is the truth in this day and age: "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." ~ Samuel 16:7. My inward heart has been transformed and is full of treasure….I also had to forgive that I hate that truth….but it is truth!
So God takes me to a place I never been before or had dealt with….I am the enemy. I was angry at myself, had a ton of bitterness from my lack of control and brutally hated myself since I can remember from early childhood. I remember sitting in my room with loud music wishing I were dead, oh how I hated being me!!!
Since I was a kid I had the appearance of being happy. I had a very outgoing personality, I was active and had many friends and seemed “jolly”. But the truth of the matter is because the world hated fat ppl….I hated me. I would lose weight and it seemed like the world was my oyster….as a kid I was puffed in pride from my accomplishments….only to go back to the same lifestyle as before .As an adult I hated that people then idolized me because I was so beautiful….I hated that …especially men showered me with attention…it actually would piss me off inside as I was the same person, just lighter. I had a gazillion men after me….I wouldn’t get emotionally attached to any of them….I didn’t trust anyone to love the real me. Then again I never knew who the real me was! Thank God with age comes wisdom!
I forgive myself hating myself for all those / these years. I love me even if the world does not love me. God loves me and that love is the true love in my life.
I have my “stuff” I need to deal with when I get skinny….I know I will have to deal with that part that gets pissed off at people (especially those who should have loved me before, but because I will be thin in appearance they will then be like my best friend….ohhh I shudder as that!)I will have a problem trusting men…that is a whole big can of worms that I will have to let go and let God……
I feel free’er now….little steps along a long journey.
I saw what seemed like a solid rock wall, and as I pondered this looming obstacle, I realized that each time I experienced a small victory and expressed my joy pieces of the wall turned to dust and fell to the ground. The more I rejoiced, the more victories I achieved, and the more the wall fell down until finally the wall that once stopped my forward progress was only dirt under my feet….. 2 Corinthians 2/14 Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place.
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Old 11-08-2010, 07:11 AM   #4
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First week weigh in....lost 7 pounds ya ~
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:14 PM   #5
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Love this song...cranked until the windows shook today.
It is called Out Of Reach by Sarah Kelly ~
No more words to sing
No more contradicting melody
No more cheap goodbye
No more golden lie

Nothing to defend
Eyes, it's time to learn to cry again
Drawing out this line
For the millionth time

Behind me I see
A broken world and
Dead end dreams

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I have changed
I have changed, so on with today

Following my heart
No where but the honest truth to start
What have I become?
What could I become?

Failure or success
Welcoming the test to prove my love
Growing in my faith
Lord please grant the strength

Behind me I see
A broken world and
Dead end dreams

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I have changed
I have changed, so on with today

Thankfully, I'm breaking free
From all the chains that are holding me
I never knew how good life could be
So this is peace

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I have changed
I have changed, so on with today

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I see life
I see life
Ahead
Not behind
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Old 11-08-2010, 04:17 PM   #6
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Love this song...cranked until the windows shook today.
It is called Out Of Reach by Sarah Kelly ~
It is an awesome to crank! Along with her Where The Past Meets Today & Hold On...if you like Alanis Morissett's 1st CD with her angst & power...same but better IMHO


No more words to sing
No more contradicting melody
No more cheap goodbye
No more golden lie

Nothing to defend
Eyes, it's time to learn to cry again
Drawing out this line
For the millionth time

Behind me I see
A broken world and
Dead end dreams

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I have changed
I have changed, so on with today

Following my heart
No where but the honest truth to start
What have I become?
What could I become?

Failure or success
Welcoming the test to prove my love
Growing in my faith
Lord please grant the strength

Behind me I see
A broken world and
Dead end dreams

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I have changed
I have changed, so on with today

Thankfully, I'm breaking free
From all the chains that are holding me
I never knew how good life could be
So this is peace

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I have changed
I have changed, so on with today

I'm out of reach
I'm out of the reach of yesterday
Fade away
And I see life
I see life
Ahead
Not behind
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Old 11-09-2010, 06:56 AM   #7
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Sorry I do not know how to delete double posts!
Ok....so I posted my weight #'s. I have no shame...not going to let numbers
get the best of me. Going to enjoy seeing them go down!!!
I am thankful for my weight... I do not look as big as the number...
Not great....but not bad either!
Was cruisin' yesterday and heard the following song the first time....
awesome inspiring song!
I will say it....I am beautiful even if the world does not see it that way!!

Going to go out sell, sell, SELL!! Good things are coming!
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Old 11-13-2010, 06:20 AM   #8
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I started reading the Atkins book (72 edition) last night in my jacuzzi.....good reading, really opens my eyes to how I am allergic to carbs and why this way of life is what my body needs.
After 13 days of no starvation and eating good food (roast fat....hello, I died and went to heaven & lost weight??!!) I feel so good, I can feel the fat burning. My neck feels tighter every day....when I was eating carbs (carbfests....oh how I had soo many of those prior to this) I would feel my neck bloat. My neck is my litmus test to how my body is reacting.
So sad that the world still operates on the old school method of losing weight. All those dietitians lied to me my whole life....I know they did not know better, move over lies it is time for the truth!
When I went shopping the other day, I saw so many overweight adults with an over flowing cart of high carb foods (as I was before!)...how I wanted to say something....but I will keep my big trap shut.
I have been tempted to get on the scale...but have disciplined myself to weigh myself once a week...go more for how I am feeling and eating healthy and know that it will melt off.
I bought an exercise dvd, cannot get my dvd player to work...so will have to go for a walk with my girl Diamond...
Looking forward to life....
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Old 11-13-2010, 06:27 AM   #9
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I love Mercy Me..saw them in concert with Steven Curtis Chapman about 5 yrs ago. This is a great song. KUTGW, you can do this.
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Old 11-13-2010, 07:13 AM   #10
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Subbing. You go, girl! Great song... I needed that.

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Old 11-13-2010, 11:00 AM   #11
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Hello Ladies
Mercy Me is awesome, I actually got to work with them when they came to our church for our service....nice guys!!
Thanks for your encouragement!! I am thankful for this WOL and for meeting new friends!
Ok, so I couldn't help myself...I went on the scale (real fast and a 2nd time cuz I couldn't believe what I was seeing) and lost 12 pounds or so....in 13 days and I have been eating like crazy mad crazy!
I think I done gone lost my mind as I even took a picture of my lunch cuz I am impressed not only about my new found cooking skills....but it is amazing what I can eat on this way of life!!!!!!
I decided not to go work, instead I am going to clean out my garage and hopefully condense so my daughter & I can fit both of our vehicles in there....the snow is on it's way
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Old 11-13-2010, 06:30 PM   #12
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(Please don't mention snow....)
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Old 11-14-2010, 06:34 AM   #13
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I know...the "S" word is on it's way! I will get a lot of exercise shoveling for sure as I have a driveway that is 100 feet long & 2 cars wide and I am anal making sure it is perfect....
I cannot believe that I finished my garage, no, what I cannot believe is the energy I have!! I had to take my girl to the emergency room last night as she had a cheerleading accident at practice. Cat scans shows that she is fine...nothing broken, just sore. I was almost done with my garage when this happened, I hadn't ate, so I threw a bottle of water, some cooked roast & cherry tomatoes in my back pack...when we were there I would eat a little here and there. I am so happy I am finally caring about myself! (My MO before was not to eat all day until bed time....I lived on coffee)
My dog Diamond got me up at 6:45 to go out, I went back in the garage and finished my work....I am blown away...where did this energy come from????
I got a chance to read more of the Atkins book...wow, I always questioned why I was fat from birth....I always heard what you put in and burn equals what you are....gads that is so not true and I am thankful I finally know the truth! I know that I have lived on around 800 calories for years and did not lose...this WOL I am eating all the time (which I couldn't stand eating until night time before!)and feel so flipping good I could do cart wheels!
I sprayed my girl with bio freeze, she gave me an order for pork sausage links, a cheese omelet, toast and milk....then off to church for me...happy Sunday ...I feel so blessed to finally know the truth about my body & that everything I learned was not truth, well for my body at least!...woohoo burn baby burn
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Old 11-15-2010, 06:14 AM   #14
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Week 2 ~ down 12 pounds!

Lesson learned....feel like crap this morning, drank 2 net zero carb / zero calorie sodas from a health food store last night...& didn't eat my veggies...had zero carbs yesterday...do not feel the BURN!!! New Day

I have a pile of work to do in my personal life (home) and a ton for my business....I need balance!!!

I ran across this old tune this morning...needed to hear that!!


Gonna have faith of a child today & believe that through Him I can do ALL things!!

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Old 11-21-2010, 10:51 AM   #15
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Doing great, feeling great.

I know I have a few things I have to do better in....such as drinking more water & less java...don't forget to eat breakfast & or lunch because I am too busy....I want to take time for me, because I am worth taking care of me!

I used to be so caught up in the mistakes I made in my past that I thought my future was destined for failure and I couldn't move past them.

I now realize that I was wrong.

Now when I have a negative thought or do something that I'm not too proud of in retrospect, I immediately think, "I forgive myself."

And I let it go.

I no longer live in condemnation and I try to do things the right way, with integrity. But even when I get it wrong, I've realized that I can't get it wrong. Every seemingly "wrong" decision was a way for me to know how to do it correctly the next time.

I forgive myself everyday and letting go of the past, has really changed my life.......

Love this song....I posted the lyrics above in another post...I am out of reach of yesterday...I am looking ahead...not behind!

Blessings to all of us as we embrace our journey ~

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Old 11-22-2010, 06:06 AM   #16
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3rd week in....lost one pound for a total of 13lbs.
I started my breathing exercises this morning....felt good and feel the energy
through oxygenation & isotonic.
I can feel the burn in my neck....love the face exercises.....can feel them tightening and pulling the areas that show the most!
Feeling good....saying good bye to the extra weight.
On to a new day ~
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Old 11-25-2010, 07:02 PM   #17
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What an awesome THANKS Giving!! Brought a lot of food that I not only would love, but it was delish!!! I wrapped it all up individually and put in the freezer for a later date.....yummmm
I am sooo thankful for Dr A's research....it all makes sense and I know I hold the choice to be who I was meant to be, could be, would be & will be! I had a bunch of nay-sayers about my "diet" (my lifestyle to me now!)....but I chose to be happy & love myself all the more!
Finally in a place in my life that I not only want to move forward, I desire to be the flower of life and bloom & learn to bloom where I am planted & enjoy the journey ~
I peeked @ the scale...I actually lost weight after today. I ate sensibly and again with food I loved, not over stuffing and not going hungry either...I had one vodka & no carb black cherry water cocktail, I was radically satisfied! (I rarely drink, so that was a treat!)
Today was a blessed day....I pray with all my strength that God gives me the strength to climb all the hurdles that I have set my eyes upon....goals (not only weight)...& dreams! Grace, grace & more grace!!
I love this song....beautiful!
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Old 11-29-2010, 07:51 AM   #18
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Wow.....today was weigh in day ~ Lost 5 more pounds!!! With that I am thankful for a thanksgiving week that I enjoyed with the foods I brought to partake in.... & thankful that I am eating to live...not living to eat.
What a shift these days....instead of food consuming my thoughts, it is replaced with what would be the best fuel for my body...
2 days in a row I had to spend 7 hours on the road delivering gift baskets....I brought tuna packed with veggies chopped up in it with mayo & seasonings...little bites here & there & I was filled and could feel the energy...Just prior to this...I didn't have an idea what I would eat & nothing satisfied & I was tired all the time...shifting....loving it!
Thank you to my sales rep Derek (who is a handsome, young clint eastwood looking fella) for coming over this morning and complimenting how beautiful I look without provocation....he asked what have I done (as did everyone @ church filling me with compliments)...I told him I am eating whole foods & I am melting....he couldn't have been sweeter (he brought me a frappe...told him thank you sweetie...but I will pass!). I always hated compliments when I lost weight...but as you can see I am eating them up...I am on my game and will be till the end of my life...no going back to food controlling me and feeling horribly paralyzed by the weight!
I am looking forward to what the future holds...no more fear!
I went to a gas station yesterday and had 3 guys compliment me...and a few stare which totally creeps me out....one came out to my car and said good bye and he said he hopes we meet again. That is my toughest hurdle...men and how they respond to my body...that is why I hid behind weight...it was an invisible barrier to shield me from the creepers...talked to God about it and He said do it afraid (losing weight)...Do it afraid...pray for them and keep walking in His power & if needs be witness to them if they get clingy & overbearing.
I am no where near where I want to be & that is confusing why the men are staring & already starting their hunt....only thing I can figure is it must be my confidence...the Jesus in me...so counter attack in the Spirit...got it
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Old 11-29-2010, 12:15 PM   #19
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stopping in to say hi and you're doing so good
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Old 11-29-2010, 07:49 PM   #20
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~ Hello Kristina!!

Thank you ...nice to meet you

I pray that you get a new wind and the paradigm shift it brings!!! All I can say is FREEDOM feels so good!!

OK, so I am searching my heart tonight about my motives about my two goals to say good bye to the past & step into the future victorious!

Ok...so I had a boss that when I was diagnosed with a brain tumor & MS and fired me up on hearing it (I just received a humongous raise the month before from him...??!!) ... he said I would be a liability...Well...I am in the plans of starting an online printing company (like his, but soo much better) with my pricing beating him by 200 to 500 % and I will work until I am above him on Google searches....hehehe...FUN goal...and THEN....the fiance that left me cuz he freaked out about me dying...well the most painful thing I didn't say is that he compared me to this really unkempt always sick woman over 500 pound in his church whom I love...yet...when I met her she was eating corn on the cob and spitting corn on me the whole time while talking to me, in my hair, face, clothes...I am a very tolerant, forgiving person...yet that was just a tad, well let's say...I never want that to happen again!...(God bless her) He said
he didn't want to have to take care of me being I will be so fat like her....well...my goal is to conveniently meet him at goal.....oh yes....GOALS ROCK!!!!

Vengeance is Mine says the Lord..... I am not looking for revenge at all...for one...I thank both of them as I am FREE to be me ...and boy have I learned through the valleys...I so desire to prove to myself once and for all to all the people who have stepped on, kicked me my whole life that I am in the game...I may have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food. BUT...God's power is working in me. We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense ~ 2 Cor. 6

Life is sweet...who needs sugar??!!

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Old 12-01-2010, 06:46 AM   #21
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Inspirational Quotes About Success To Help You Reach Your Goals




1 Samuel 18:14

”He had great success in everything he did because the Lord was with him.”


When God created us, He created us for success. The plans that God has for us are meant to lead us down the road of true success. Therefore, let us not be discouraged when we stumble and fall, for He has called and anointed each and every one of us.

God’s Word promises that He will always accompany us and be with us for the entire journey. His desire is to see us as the top and not the bottom, the head and not the tail. He desires to give us success not as the world defines it, but the real kind of success that comes with our relationship with Him. In fact, He has promised that when we seek Him, all the other things that we seek will not only be given, but ADDED onto us.

So let us stay close to God and His word, and allow Him to work in our lives. By dwelling in His presence and following His leadings, we will inevitably achieve everlasting success both in this life, and in our eternally beautiful future.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11 ~


A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.
~ David Brinkley ~


"Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed."
~ Proverbs 16:3 ~


Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.
~ David Frost ~


"True humility and respect for the Lord lead a man to riches, honor, and long life."
~ Proverbs 22:4 ~


Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.
~ Dale Carnegie ~


"Our only power and success comes from God."
~ 2 Corinthians 3:5 ~


I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.
~ Michael Jordan ~


"The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity - in the fruit of your womb, the young of your livestock and the crops of your ground - in the land he swore to your forefathers to give you. The Lord will open the heavens, the storehouse of his bounty, to send rain on your land in season and to bless all the work of your hands. You will lend to many nations but will borrow from none."
~ Deuteronomy 28:11-12 ~


Success is simple. Do what's right, the right way, at the right time.
~ Arnold H. Glasow ~

Last edited by 148 life; 12-01-2010 at 06:47 AM..
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