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Old 10-26-2010, 04:28 PM   #1
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Colo Alex - For Life!

October 26, 2010 Tuesday

I started this weight loss journey in 2003. I had a great deal of success and failures. In 2007 I made it under 200 pounds for the first time in my adult life. I felt like a changed man. Well, over the next few years I battled and battled, but lost. In the end I gained back most of the weight I worked so hard to loose. It was debilitating, humiliating and disappointing. I was a failure. This affected me so much that I found it hard to be happy about anything. No matter what I did, my failure to maintain my weight haunted me. It impacted everything I did. I was weak and I hated myself and all the while my weight just kept going up.

Four weeks ago, after my 46th birthday, I decided to give myself a break; to stop berating myself and to give myself a chance to change; a chance to be happy again.

So how will I do it this time? How can I ensure long-term success? Well, Iíve learned a lot about myself over the past five years and I think Iíve figured some things out.

1. This is not a race and there can be no finish line.
2. I am not going to change into a different person. I am who I am. I will change how I eat and what I eat. I will always have to watch what I eat.
3. Weight loss is not the goal; it is the result of the change.
4. I will do this to be healthy and because I feel good when I eat right and exercise.
5. I deserve to be happy and I am the only one who controls that. I will stop getting in my own way.
6. I am doing this for life.

So hereís to success; hereís to happiness; hereís to life!

9/27 284 pounds
10/4 277 pounds
10/11 273 pounds
10/18 268 pounds
10/25 266 pounds
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Old 10-27-2010, 09:42 AM   #2
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That's fantastic, Alex! You seem like a cool guy, anyone quoting Galaxy Quest has to be, right? Congrats on your new resolve!
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Old 10-27-2010, 04:21 PM   #3
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* Angela - thanks for the kind words. It's nice of you to stop by.


October 27, 2010 Wednesday
This has been a bit of a rough day at work. Just one bad thing after another I’ve had to deal with. One of those days that would have normally sent me on a binge. Great thing is I did not even have one urge to eat junk or binge on “normal” foods.

Yes, I’m a binger, but I’m a “eat in secret” binger. I “snuck” food when I was a kid. My mom would have me on some ridiculous diet involving tomatoes and unsweetened tea and there would be a box of Twinkies in the freezer. So I would sneak out and eat the Twinkies.

I’m not blaming my mom for my obesity, I’m just laying the pavement for the path that has lead me to where I am today. Even as an adult I will only binge when I am alone.

I’m sure people are just shocked that I can be overweight; they never see me eating junk or overeating! Yeah, people are not stupid. Most people know that if you are fat you must eat poorly. That is ridiculous to think that hiding the behavior makes it hidden from other people.

Anyway, I have always been a sneaky little bad boy when it comes to food. Yes, I know, I’m a mental case.

This is one of the big issues I hope to change as I go forward. This is why I have altered my eating plan to not restrict certain foods. I found that when I was on very strict low to no carbs that I craved certain carbs like bread and cereal that I would inevitably binge on those two things. So now I am eating healthy breads and cereals and other healthy carbs as part of my lower-carb way of eating. So far I have not had a binge or any bad food cravings.

I’m also trying to find other ways to relieve stress and tension in my life with hopes that I will one day beat the binge beast.

So, today was a stressful day. I hiked at lunch, which helped a great deal. I ate an apple as a snack at 4 o’clock and that helped. I will now go home and have a nice balanced dinner.

It’s not huge steps, but I think I’m making progress in my journey for life.
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Old 10-27-2010, 08:19 PM   #4
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Alex.. back... Its late.. but I was just checking in.. Haven't got to read this yet.. but I will .. I am dog tired tonight.. so I'll read tomorrow.. glad to see you back though!!
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Old 10-28-2010, 01:24 PM   #5
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Hiya Monet! Glad you checked in. It's good to hear from you again.
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Old 10-28-2010, 01:26 PM   #6
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Happy

October 28, 2010 Thursday
Wow, I really feel good right now. I just got back from lunch and I had a really great hike. It is just beautiful out today about 55 degrees and sunny. I feel energetic and Iím in a great mood. I hope to go hiking in Dominguez Canyon this Saturday. It should be great.

Dinner last night was not really good and I felt dissatisfied and hungry afterwards. I really wanted to eat something else. It was tough, but I resisted and Iím glad that I did. I need to eat a more diverse menu.

Iím on my own for dinner tonight so I plan on grilling a nice piece of fish for dinner and maybe some whole grain rice and a veggie.

Iíve really noticed lately that in the evening I still have quite a bit of energy. In the past I was so tired that after dinner I would retreat to the sofa and veg out watching TV. Lately Iíve been doing some work after dinner and have hardly watched any TV at all.

Again I ask myself ďwhy, why, why did you abandon this way of life?Ē I am so much happier, I feel so much better, and I sleep better. What is the down side? There isnít one.

Got to stop looking back and stay focused on the future. I can learn from the past but I shouldnít dwell on it.

Anyway, itís really nice to be happy.
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Old 10-28-2010, 03:58 PM   #7
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.. well I sure hope you had a better day today, then yesterday.. looks like it anyway.. ..

It also looks like your well on your way back to how you once was.. .. Looks like your head is on straight... and you are focused again .. thats awesome Alex!!

I am still going back and forth myself.. I talk myself up at night while I TRY to sleep.. telling myself.. tomorrow will be different.. only to wake up and do bad.. OR do great till I get home from work..

I SO need help..

ok.. you continue to do great and maybe you'll rub off on me..

have a great evening..
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Old 10-29-2010, 04:53 AM   #8
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Alex I am so glad to see your journal!!!! I was secret eater too as a kid because I was watched like a hawk. Having a little girl with a weight issue has opened my eyes to the challenges facing a parent and I really came to terms with how my mother made me feel about food. It is very frustrating dealing with a child appetite that is bigger than the norm. I handled it much differently than my mother and feel it is a huge success in my life that my little one is well into normal bmi now without driving her to sneak eat.

Of course, you came to the same conclusion that blame can't really be assigned to how we perpetuated that pattern as adults. But of course, you are one smart guy!

I am so glad you are getting that energy and zest for life back .. it really is about much much more than the weight .. it is about the self-esteem and the energy and the ability to get out of that slavery that makes us sneak food.

Have a great great Friday my friend!!!!!



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Old 10-29-2010, 02:52 PM   #9
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Pauline -

Thanks for the support. You know whats really bad about this "slavery"? I sold myself into it. The good part is I am now buying myself back.
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Old 10-29-2010, 02:52 PM   #10
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October 29, 2010 Friday
Today I passed the 20 pounds lost mark. Yay! Ok, celebrating is over, got to keep focusing on the extremely long termÖ Life. Yes, Iím glad that those 20 lbs are gone but Iím also a realist. This is a nice little milestone but my goal is not a certain weight, it is a state of mind. My goal is to be healthy and happy. So far the happy has come from how I feel not the loss of 20 pounds. That is a good first step for me.

Tomorrow my wife and I will go hiking together. She has not been to keen on joining me on this quest, but she is very supportive of me and is trying. Itís hard for her and I know that only she can get to the right state of mind to make a true change. Iím glad she wants to go with me.

Happy.
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Old 10-29-2010, 06:50 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colo Alex View Post
October 29, 2010 Friday
Today I passed the 20 pounds lost mark. Yay! Ok, celebrating is over, got to keep focusing on the extremely long termÖ Life. Yes, Iím glad that those 20 lbs are gone but Iím also a realist. This is a nice little milestone but my goal is not a certain weight, it is a state of mind. My goal is to be healthy and happy. So far the happy has come from how I feel not the loss of 20 pounds. That is a good first step for me.

Tomorrow my wife and I will go hiking together. She has not been to keen on joining me on this quest, but she is very supportive of me and is trying. Itís hard for her and I know that only she can get to the right state of mind to make a true change. Iím glad she wants to go with me.

Happy.
its all great today.. good to hear!!!.. I know what you mean by a state of mind.. I'm still working on that one myself..

have fun tomorrow you two..
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Old 11-01-2010, 08:19 AM   #12
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November 1, 2010 Monday

Weighed in at 262.4 today. That is down 3 pounds for the week; right on track. My eating was 100% on plan and I did not eat a single piece of Halloween candy. It was not hard as I am quite determined right now.

So the hike on Saturday was great. We went to Dominguez canyon. It was really beautiful. The weather was perfect, the sky was blue and the scenery was stunning. Red, sandstone cliffs, golden and red leaves and a beautiful creek with several waterfalls. We hiked 4-miles into the canyon and had lunch then hiked back out. The 8-miles was a little far for my current level but it was good to push myself a bit. I discovered my hiking shoes are in need of replacing. I have some good blisters on the bottoms of my feet that have caused me some problems but they will heal and I’ll be out hiking at lunch soon.

So here it is November already. I’m so glad I got back on track when I did. Now I’ll have Oct, Nov, and Dec to lose weight and get healthier instead of waiting until January like so many other people. Now I’ll be able to get through the holidays and hit the New Year running.

Proud, happy, resolute.
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Old 11-01-2010, 05:58 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colo Alex View Post
November 1, 2010 Monday

Weighed in at 262.4 today. That is down 3 pounds for the week; right on track. My eating was 100% on plan and I did not eat a single piece of Halloween candy. It was not hard as I am quite determined right now.

So the hike on Saturday was great. We went to Dominguez canyon. It was really beautiful. The weather was perfect, the sky was blue and the scenery was stunning. Red, sandstone cliffs, golden and red leaves and a beautiful creek with several waterfalls. We hiked 4-miles into the canyon and had lunch then hiked back out. The 8-miles was a little far for my current level but it was good to push myself a bit. I discovered my hiking shoes are in need of replacing. I have some good blisters on the bottoms of my feet that have caused me some problems but they will heal and Iíll be out hiking at lunch soon.

So here it is November already. Iím so glad I got back on track when I did. Now Iíll have Oct, Nov, and Dec to lose weight and get healthier instead of waiting until January like so many other people. Now Iíll be able to get through the holidays and hit the New Year running.

Proud, happy, resolute.
Great read!!.. your in the zone buddy.. keep it up!!
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Old 11-02-2010, 02:40 PM   #14
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I'm on my way...

November 2, 2010 Tuesday

So I may go shopping for new hiking boots tonight. I really missed hiking yesterday and today. Iíve got to get some boots that will not hurt my feet. Itís weird; Iíve always worn Merrell boots and have never had any problems with blisters. With this current pair I canít go more than 5 miles before my feet start to hurt and now Iíve got huge blisters on the balls of my feet. I just canít tolerate this. So I will go make a change.

Iíve been a little bit on the hungry side today for some reason. Iím dealing with it just fine, but it is annoying. Iím eating an apple even as I type.

Iíve had a song running through my head today and it is very apropos to my overall attitude towards eating and health. It is ďIím on my wayĒ by the Proclaimers.

Iím on my way from misery to happiness todayÖ
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Old 11-03-2010, 06:06 AM   #15
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November 2, 2010 Tuesday

So I may go shopping for new hiking boots tonight. I really missed hiking yesterday and today. Iíve got to get some boots that will not hurt my feet. Itís weird; Iíve always worn Merrell boots and have never had any problems with blisters. With this current pair I canít go more than 5 miles before my feet start to hurt and now Iíve got huge blisters on the balls of my feet. I just canít tolerate this. So I will go make a change.

Iíve been a little bit on the hungry side today for some reason. Iím dealing with it just fine, but it is annoying. Iím eating an apple even as I type.

Iíve had a song running through my head today and it is very apropos to my overall attitude towards eating and health. It is ďIím on my wayĒ by the Proclaimers.

Iím on my way from misery to happiness todayÖ
Interesting song. .. I'd never heard it, so I youtubed it.. ...

good luck with the boot search!
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Old 11-03-2010, 02:41 PM   #16
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November 3, 2010 Wednesday

No new boots yet. My foot is too sore to pick a good pair so I’ll wait a bit longer. Still no hike today for the same hurt foot reason. I’m a little cranky today and I think its because I’m missing my hikes. They are a great tension reliever. I hope that tomorrow I’ll be able to hike.

Yesterday I was hungry all day. I couldn’t seem to shake it. After lunch, hungry. After dinner, hungry. I don’t know what the deal was. I did manage to make it through the day without going over my total intake goals. But I still felt hungry when I went to bed. If there has been any day since I started where I would have binged, yesterday was it. But I’m happy to say that I did not binge nor did I cheat in any way.

I know there will be difficult times but I also know that each time I am able to conquer my hunger and binge desires the more successful I will be. It is really important that I do not take any steps backward right now.

Today I’m feeling good. I’m not having the hunger issue so what ever it was it has passed. I’m very happy that I was able to win that battle.

Onward!
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Old 11-04-2010, 02:56 PM   #17
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November 4, 2010 Thursday

Wore my boots today so I could hike at lunch. My foot is definitely worse after the hike. Iíve got to get rid of the boots. I also wonder if I have a blister under the callus on the ball of my foot. It hurts when I walk like there is a small rock in my shoe. It is really strange. Iíve never had this before. The blisters that I got from Saturdayís hike have been drained. But this feels like there still is one but I canít see it. It is frustrating.

Also frustrating me is the fact that my weight has not changed since Monday. I have been eating totally on plan and have not binged or cheated. So I know that it is just my body reacting to the changes. Also, it may have something to do with my body trying to heal from the long hike. I really did over do it a bit but dang, it was fun.

So, Iím not going to let the frustration change my eating. I need to be patient and the weight loss will start again. Stay on plan. Remind myself that this is for life.

Ok, lets get on with it.
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Old 11-04-2010, 04:04 PM   #18
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You are doing great Alex!!! That extra hunger is just those fat cells crying for sustenance. I am really glad you powered through it!!

I am so sorry about the foot!!! I have been there too and know how it can contribute to a "mood". One thing I have found very helpful is to think of all the people gearing into holiday mode who are going to be gaining pounds over the next month while, virtuous me .. and virtuous Alex will be heading in the direction to better health and happiness in 2011 ...

Keep up the great work!!!!!!!



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Old 11-05-2010, 01:19 PM   #19
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One thing I have found very helpful is to think of all the people gearing into holiday mode who are going to be gaining pounds over the next month while, virtuous me .. and virtuous Alex will be heading in the direction to better health and happiness in 2011 ...
Absolutely!!
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Old 11-05-2010, 01:28 PM   #20
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November 5, 2010 Friday

So itís Friday. Great!! Iím a little ticked off that I wonít be able to hike tomorrow. The weather is supposed to be perfect. I wore my tennis shoes today and my foot is feeling better. I just donít think a hike will be a good idea. Iíve just got to let it heal up. Hey, Iíll bet I could ride my bike! Iíll dig it out of the garage, clean it up and take it out!

I saw a little drop on the scale this morning. That was nice. Hopefully things are moving again. The hunger issue seems to have gone. The last couple of days have been easier.

Hereís to a great weekend!
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Old 11-08-2010, 07:56 AM   #21
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November 8, 2010 Monday

Weighed in at 259.4 today. That is down three pounds for the week. Right on track.

The weekend was pretty good. I did not hike or do anything for that matter. I tried to stay off my foot as much as possible. It is feeling a lot better. I still have not purchased any new boots but I want to wait until it is healed first. I am going to hike today, I’ll just hike in my tennis shoes. The trail I hike on is tame enough for that.

Eating was pretty good this weekend and I did not have any binges or cheats. I’m really doing quite well. Last week was interesting. I did not see any drop on the scale until Friday. Then by today I was down the three pounds. Just shows how you can get caught up in the scale. Can’t let it make or break my days. If I just stay on plan the weight will come off and more importantly I am changing how I eat and making it a habit.

This should be a fairly normal week for me with two dinners on my own. Should be easy.

I feel rested and ready for the week.
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Old 11-10-2010, 03:58 AM   #22
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I hope you enjoyed your hike Alex!!! I am having a tough week trying to get in the exercise for a number of reasons .. it is funny how it can make or break a mood! Same deal with the demon scale, lol!! We humans are silly creatures!

Have a great great day with your lightbodied self tripping over the trails in your tennis sneakers!!!!



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Old 11-10-2010, 01:52 PM   #23
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November 10, 2010 Wednesday

Stressed! So Iím really feeling some stress from work and home right now and it has me in a foul mood. So what follows stress? Binges. Well, not this time. I can really ďfeelĒ myself leaning towards a binge but I have been able to beat the urge. It has been tough but I am winning. So I may be in a foul mood but at least I donít feel like an idiot for bingeing.

I think a lot of this is coming from my frustration about my foot. After my hike on Monday, my foot hurt worse. So, now I am staying off of it as much as possible and not hiking at all. It must heal before I hike again. This has contributed to my mood.

My other frustration is coming from my feeling like I am alone on this healthy lifestyle journey and my wife does not want to join me. I know she has to make her own decisions and find her own way but it is depressing me. Regardless of how well she embraces this lifestyle, I am determined to make it a permanent part of my life. It would be infinitely easier and nicer if she would join me 100% but I will not quit.

Do you ever feel like you are the only one who cares about the finances, the house, the yard, the cars, the dishes, the kids rooms, the pets, etc etc etcÖ..???

Wow, I really am in a bad mood. I need to get over it and get on with it.
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Old 11-11-2010, 02:09 PM   #24
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Quote:
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November 10, 2010 Wednesday

Stressed! So I’m really feeling some stress from work and home right now and it has me in a foul mood. So what follows stress? Binges. Well, not this time. I can really “feel” myself leaning towards a binge but I have been able to beat the urge. It has been tough but I am winning. So I may be in a foul mood but at least I don’t feel like an idiot for bingeing.

I think a lot of this is coming from my frustration about my foot. After my hike on Monday, my foot hurt worse. So, now I am staying off of it as much as possible and not hiking at all. It must heal before I hike again. This has contributed to my mood.

My other frustration is coming from my feeling like I am alone on this healthy lifestyle journey and my wife does not want to join me. I know she has to make her own decisions and find her own way but it is depressing me. Regardless of how well she embraces this lifestyle, I am determined to make it a permanent part of my life. It would be infinitely easier and nicer if she would join me 100% but I will not quit.

Do you ever feel like you are the only one who cares about the finances, the house, the yard, the cars, the dishes, the kids rooms, the pets, etc etc etc…..??? Wow, I really am in a bad mood. I need to get over it and get on with it.
I am the only one.. well except the cars part

I am sorry you are so stresses..but yes,, let it go ... stress does bad things to you

Last edited by monet0329; 11-11-2010 at 02:12 PM..
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Old 11-12-2010, 03:22 PM   #25
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November 12, 2010 Friday

So my foul mood has subsided a bit. Iím not sure how to explain how I feel; it is just not ďgreat.Ē I donít feel sick or anything, just not great. I guess Iím a little apathetic right now. I donít knowÖ

My eating has been 100% on plan but the weight loss is very slow. This could be just like last week when Monday thru Friday was zero losses and then Friday thru Monday was down three pounds. You know, I donít even think it is about the slow weight loss. Iíve been letting some negative thoughts creep in and Iíve just got to squash them. Thoughts of regret mostly. The same old why, why, why? I know I need to stay positive, but it is hard to do that all the time.

My foot has not improved for several days. Iím starting to get a little concerned. If it still is no better in a week I will probably have to get it looked at. I hate going to see the doctor. Especially now after Iíve gained so much weight back. The last time he saw me I weighed 195 pounds. I just donít think I can face that right now. I can just hear him nowÖ ďYou know, your foot, and all the rest of your body would be less likely to get injured if you werenít so big.Ē Sounds just like my mom when I was youngerÖĒyou know youíd be such a handsome man if you just lost a little weightÖĒ

I need to go hiking. It helps me in many ways. Not being able to hike has really contributed to my mood.

Struggling.
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Old 11-12-2010, 05:14 PM   #26
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Alex ... it is probably all about your foot .. leading to thoughts about everything else that could possibly bother you ... I have come to name this "catastrophizing." You need to call it what it is and pull yourself out of your funk. That little voice in your head, saying "oh look at the scale, its your foot, you've f*ed up again" and so on and so on. I have those voices from my childhood too .. but we have to leave that voice back there and stop perpetuating it. Stop bullying yourself with that scale. Your weight "results" this week are irrelevant. You know this. You know what works. Give Alex a break!! You are doing just fine.



Pauline

p.s. no comment on that expected, lol! Just wanted to put it out there for you .. I recognize myself when I hear you talk like that is all.
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Old 11-15-2010, 09:35 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDa! View Post
but we have to leave that voice back there and stop perpetuating it. Stop bullying yourself with that scale. Your weight "results" this week are irrelevant. You know this. You know what works. Give Alex a break!! You are doing just fine.
You are right as always. It just takes me a little while to get my head back on straight and focus on whats important.

Thanks.
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Old 11-15-2010, 09:37 AM   #28
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November 15, 2010 Monday

258.8 today. That is less than a pound down for this week. Iím not happy with that but it is what it is. I did not go off plan or binge so I know the slow week is not due to my eating. I did not get much exercise as I am using my foot as an excuse. If my foot is not well enough to hike then I should find another avenue to exercise!

Last week was also stressful. Well, all of my weeks are stressful, but this one was a bit more than normal. I shouldnít let it get to me but I know that stress also affects how or if I lose weight. I know I canít eliminate all the stress in my life but I can work on how it affects me.

So this week will be better. Iíll get moving again, quit feeling sorry for myself and quit putting so much importance on the scale. Need to give myself a break and stop berating and worrying about the past. So Iím 258.8 today. I was 284 just a little while ago. I feel so much better, have lots of energy and am changing how I eat. This is a process and it will take time. Just got to hang in there. I was able to keep my eating 100% on plan during this tough week. That is something to be happy about!

Thinking positive.
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Old 11-16-2010, 03:48 PM   #29
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November 16, 2010 Tuesday

Mood is improving! In fact it is really good. I feel like Iím back in the swing of things. Iíve learned that I need to remain patient. Actually, I didnít learn that, Iíve always known it, but I was reminded of it this past week. Patience is not something I excel at.

Eating has been good. Iíve been doing well with my plan. It is one that I feel I can live with forever. Basically Iím avoiding what I call ďjunky carbs.Ē I will eat whole grains, and rice, even some starchy things like pasta and potatoes on occasion. I am not eating any candy, fast food or other junk foods like chips etc. I am eating far more veggies than I ever have and eating lots of fruit. I try to eat fish 2 Ė 3 times a week, and I eat chicken. Iíll have pork on occasion and then beef very rarely.

My whole plan is based on total calories. I know this is not an Atkins plan but Iíve tried and failed to maintain that way of eating. It just does not work for me in the long run. I cannot restrict carbs like it suggests.

So far this is working for me just fine. Since I donít restrict all carbs I have not binged a single time. That is fairly significant for me. I can eat a healthy cereal at breakfast and even a sandwich at lunch and stay completely under my allotted calories. Right now my goal is to lose 2.5 pounds per week, which at my current height and weight is a daily calorie intake of around 1800. Some days I am a little over and others might be a little under but so far it is working great.

In my mind I know that I can eat just about anything as long as I record the food and count the calories then it really is no big deal. That is really great for me. That way, I donít have to worry if there is an extremely low carb option if I go out to eat or to someoneís house, I know that I just need to eat whatís there and watch the amounts.

Strict low carb for me caused me to binge and sometimes overeat on low or no carb foods. This is not healthy and it is a bad habit to get into. I think that knowing it is ďokĒ to eat carbs or go ďoff planĒ helps with a big part of the mental issues.

All is well.
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Old 11-17-2010, 03:46 PM   #30
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November 17, 2010 Wednesday

Good day. Eating well and got in a hike at lunch. My foot is still giving me problems but it is tolerable. Itís not getting better so I may have to see a podiatrist. Iíve done some research and I think I have some sort of nerve damage or enflamed nerve in my foot. We shall see.

It was great to hike though. The sun was shining, sky was blue and it was 45 degrees. Really nice!

Happy.
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