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Old 08-19-2009, 09:00 AM   #1
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I'm not delusional, really.

de·lu·sion: a persistent false psychotic belief regarding the self or persons or objects outside the self that is maintained despite indisputable evidence to the contrary; also : the abnormal state marked by such beliefs.

Okay maybe I am, so I hear. I was always the fat girl, I wish that feeling/perception would go away.

I've decided to finally start a journal, maybe this will help me get past this so called 'delusional' thing I've got going on. I've lost over 80 pounds and I still look at the mirror sometimes and feel . I went shopping with one of my friends this past weekend and was trying on clothes nonstop. After a while I was so annoyed with myself because NOTHING looked good on me. I constantly found something wrong with whatever it was I was trying on (mainly pants/jeans). In the end I just left it up to my friend (bless her heart ) to tell me what to get. If she wasn't there to tell me something honestly looked good/cute I would not have purchased anything.

I started low-carbing at 255 and am currently at 173. I've had a few slip ups along the way, but, I've learned from them. I know what to avoid and what my body does if I don't take care of it as I should.

I've learned a lot about myself along the way, I've gained some friends and unfortunately might have lost some as well. This has been a long journey and unfortunately I haven't really had anyone to talk to. My plan for this journal is just to have a place to express my thoughts/frustrations/etc and maybe even get some feedback or make some new friends.

So whoever feels like saying hi, you're more than welcome!

Cliffs notes:
Age - 25
Height - 5'11
Starting weight - 255
Starting size - 22/24
Current weight - 173
Current size - 12 (some 10s!!)
Goal weight - 155
Goal size - ?


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Old 08-19-2009, 02:43 PM   #2
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Glad you're here.
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Old 08-20-2009, 08:08 AM   #3
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Glad you're here.
Thanks for the welcome!

I'm at my lowest weight today!. Last month I was down to 172 but this morning I weighed in at 171! Finally some progress!

Oh, and something else that really urks me.. I guess this *could* be a good thing, but, my feet shrunk! Most of my shoes (mainly heels) that I used to wear are too big! I can fit in a size lower or even a size and a half depending on the brand. What the heck? I guess this means I get to go buy new shoes right? Ugh, if it were only that easy.
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Old 08-20-2009, 06:10 PM   #4
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Congrats on the loss!! How long have you been doing the LC thing? Your loss is really inspirational! I have a feeling that I will be much like you when I lose my weight, thinking clothes still don't look good. I remember in college when I was 135 I thought I was fat. Oh what I would give for that 135 again!!

I can only hope for smaller feet!! My feet seemed to grow with both of my kiddos. My once normal size 7's are now large size 9's.

Good luck with your continued weight loss!!
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Old 08-20-2009, 07:15 PM   #5
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Yaayy Misslatte has a journal

First off, let me tell you that you've made phenomenal progress. That alone is commendable.

Secondly, I know easier said than done, because I do the same to myself, but don't be so hard on yourself. My boyfriend always has to remind me that people don't see me the way I perceive myself. I know I have body dysmorphic disorder. I think that's what tends to happen when people lose weight, since we're used to being fat and seeing ourselves a certain way. I think it takes time to get over that. Just continue to put forth your efforts to improve your health and try to be positive about your journey

And shrinking feet? Are you sure they were your shoes you put on and not someone else's I wish mine would shrink.

And I'm so jealous of your height.

And please tell us more about yourself
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Old 08-21-2009, 08:24 AM   #6
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Congrats on the loss!! How long have you been doing the LC thing? Your loss is really inspirational! I have a feeling that I will be much like you when I lose my weight, thinking clothes still don't look good. I remember in college when I was 135 I thought I was fat. Oh what I would give for that 135 again!!

I can only hope for smaller feet!! My feet seemed to grow with both of my kiddos. My once normal size 7's are now large size 9's.

Good luck with your continued weight loss!!
Thanks for the good luck wishes!

I started with LC initially a couple years ago and went from 255 to 200 but slowly gained some back because I was just frustrated and lazy. At the end of September last year I was around 235 and started to get focused again in October. I stalled for a while (i.e. too lazy) until March then I started getting serious again.

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Yaayy Misslatte has a journal

First off, let me tell you that you've made phenomenal progress. That alone is commendable.

Secondly, I know easier said than done, because I do the same to myself, but don't be so hard on yourself. My boyfriend always has to remind me that people don't see me the way I perceive myself. I know I have body dysmorphic disorder. I think that's what tends to happen when people lose weight, since we're used to being fat and seeing ourselves a certain way. I think it takes time to get over that. Just continue to put forth your efforts to improve your health and try to be positive about your journey

And shrinking feet? Are you sure they were your shoes you put on and not someone else's I wish mine would shrink.

And I'm so jealous of your height.

And please tell us more about yourself
Hi lalala!

I remember reading a thread about body dysmorphic disorder and what the girl was saying felt so close to home. It was like something *I* would have typed. At least at this point I am starting to listen to my friends and I understand that my perception of myself is a little skewed. I can't tell you how many times I've heard my friend say this - "Don't be so F***ING delusional and STFU!"

I tried wearing a pair of my old heels and as I was walking one of them flew off. I have a pair that I'm absolutely in love with that I just might buy another pair in a size smaller. Well, once I can justify spending money on myself again that is.

And more about myself? Let's see, random factoid... I the smell of Home Depot.


I'm glad you both stopped by!

I'm at 170.5 today!
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Old 08-21-2009, 12:07 PM   #7
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Hi lalala!

I remember reading a thread about body dysmorphic disorder and what the girl was saying felt so close to home. It was like something *I* would have typed. At least at this point I am starting to listen to my friends and I understand that my perception of myself is a little skewed. I can't tell you how many times I've heard my friend say this - "Don't be so F***ING delusional and STFU!"

I tried wearing a pair of my old heels and as I was walking one of them flew off. I have a pair that I'm absolutely in love with that I just might buy another pair in a size smaller. Well, once I can justify spending money on myself again that is.

And more about myself? Let's see, random factoid... I the smell of Home Depot.


I'm at 170.5 today!
haha are you serious about home depot??? Bf and I walked in there on Monday and we were both like 'ughhhhhh' hahah. I hear that a lot of olympians and sports players work there in their off seasons since HD is very flexible with their hours. Maybe that smell is what lures them too

And don't buy new shoes yet. You're dropping weight so if maybe your feet will get even smaller. At least wait till you're closer to goal. And great job on the new weight today. I wish my scale displayed ounces and such. Mine is just a flat number.

And I'm glad your friends can be supportive and put you in check when you need it. Those are the type of people you need to keep around you to remind you of how far you've come and how great you're doing.

Have a good friday as well misslatte
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Old 08-22-2009, 08:02 AM   #8
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And don't buy new shoes yet. You're dropping weight so if maybe your feet will get even smaller. At least wait till you're closer to goal. And great job on the new weight today. I wish my scale displayed ounces and such. Mine is just a flat number.

And I'm glad your friends can be supportive and put you in check when you need it. Those are the type of people you need to keep around you to remind you of how far you've come and how great you're doing.

Have a good friday as well misslatte
Good point on the shoes, I think I'll wait until I'm at "goal" (whatever that may be) to get new ones. The same with some new clothes. I want to look super cute on my vacation coming up in early September (YAAAY VACATION!) so I REALLY needed to buy some new jeans. I got two pairs but now I feel bad/guilty because when I'm closer to goal ~15 lbs or so they will not fit and it would have been a waste of money. I dunno. Jeans that are waaaay too big are not flattering at all. I need to do something.

Speaking of goal, I think I'm going to shoot for 155. It will be smack dab in the middle of the "healthy weight" for my height and ALSO it will be down 100 pounds overall. As of this morning , that is only 14 pounds away! I can do this! I will do this!

I'm feeling lonely today. I already went to the gym for 45 minutes and ate breakfast (3 eggs scrambled with some flaxseed meal, dill and cheese). I'm going to go get the oil changed in my car, run to the library and then hopefully just relax at home for the rest of the day.


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Old 08-22-2009, 08:35 AM   #9
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Good point on the shoes, I think I'll wait until I'm at "goal" (whatever that may be) to get new ones. The same with some new clothes. I want to look super cute on my vacation coming up in early September (YAAAY VACATION!) so I REALLY needed to buy some new jeans. I got two pairs but now I feel bad/guilty because when I'm closer to goal ~15 lbs or so they will not fit and it would have been a waste of money. I dunno. Jeans that are waaaay too big are not flattering at all. I need to do something.

Speaking of goal, I think I'm going to shoot for 155. It will be smack dab in the middle of the "healthy weight" for my height and ALSO it will be down 100 pounds overall. As of this morning , that is only 14 pounds away! I can do this! I will do this!

I'm feeling lonely today. I already went to the gym for 45 minutes and ate breakfast (3 eggs scrambled with some flaxseed meal, dill and cheese). I'm going to go get the oil changed in my car, run to the library and then hopefully just relax at home for the rest of the day.


Where you going to vacation to? and ya I'd also recommend to wait on the jeans till you're closer to goal. I was sifting through my boxes of jeans. I have over 30 pairs and I literally will only wear like 5--6 pairs of them. It's a waste to spend money on new ones when they'll be too big for you and in a couple of weeks and it's weird b/c I tried on a pair that were too small and they didn't fit over my gut at all and since then I've only lost like 4-5 pounds and now they fit perfectly? Whatever, jeans are dumb. You can bring yours here and have my bf do for you what he does for me..he will bring in the sides and tailor them. He turned some of my old jeans into skinny jeans, hahah. I have my own personal tailor!!

And awesome job on 169. I'm sure you look hot because you're super tall too. Have I told you I'm jealous of the 3" you've got on me?

And why are you feeling lonely? Do you have friends or family close by that you can call to spend time with today?

Great job on the w/o. I need to get my lazy flat butt up to the gym NOW. Have a good day and I'll catch up with you later
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Old 08-23-2009, 11:02 AM   #10
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Where you going to vacation to? and ya I'd also recommend to wait on the jeans till you're closer to goal. I was sifting through my boxes of jeans. I have over 30 pairs and I literally will only wear like 5--6 pairs of them. It's a waste to spend money on new ones when they'll be too big for you and in a couple of weeks and it's weird b/c I tried on a pair that were too small and they didn't fit over my gut at all and since then I've only lost like 4-5 pounds and now they fit perfectly? Whatever, jeans are dumb. You can bring yours here and have my bf do for you what he does for me..he will bring in the sides and tailor them. He turned some of my old jeans into skinny jeans, hahah. I have my own personal tailor!!

And awesome job on 169. I'm sure you look hot because you're super tall too. Have I told you I'm jealous of the 3" you've got on me?

And why are you feeling lonely? Do you have friends or family close by that you can call to spend time with today?

Great job on the w/o. I need to get my lazy flat butt up to the gym NOW. Have a good day and I'll catch up with you later
I'm going to Seattle to meet up with a boy. (Thus one of the reasons I want to look cute and not look crazy ridiculous in jeans that are too big) I'll hopefully drop more poundage by then and fit into a smaller size so I won't waste any $$.

Your BF sounds like a good catch btw.

I weighed in at 171 this morning. What the heck!?! There is NO way I ate that much yesterday so it's probably just water weight I'm thinking. Oh well.

I didn't go to the gym today, I went 6 times this week so one day to rest I figured would be okay.

I should find something to do today but it's hot outside and I really don't like hot weather I could just go find a nice coffee shop to lounge in and read a book, that might work. Have you read the book Jemima J? That's my only book.

I think right now I'm going to sift through my closet and try to find something that fits.
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Old 08-23-2009, 06:00 PM   #11
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I'm going to Seattle to meet up with a boy. (Thus one of the reasons I want to look cute and not look crazy ridiculous in jeans that are too big) I'll hopefully drop more poundage by then and fit into a smaller size so I won't waste any $$.

Your BF sounds like a good catch btw.

I weighed in at 171 this morning. What the heck!?! There is NO way I ate that much yesterday so it's probably just water weight I'm thinking. Oh well.

I didn't go to the gym today, I went 6 times this week so one day to rest I figured would be okay.

I should find something to do today but it's hot outside and I really don't like hot weather I could just go find a nice coffee shop to lounge in and read a book, that might work. Have you read the book Jemima J? That's my only book.

I think right now I'm going to sift through my closet and try to find something that fits.
ooOoooOOOooo who is this boy you speak of? I need details. You should know by now that I'm super nosy. And my boyfriend is something else. We make a great match even though we look like we'd be complete opposites.

Also, with my weight I've noticed that whatever I eat tends to affect me 2 days later. So if I eat crappy on Monday, then it will be reflected in my weight by Wednesday. Don't let the fluctuations get you down though, it happens. Do you plan on listing your meals in your journal. It's fun to see what other people eat and awesome job on the workouts.

I haven't read that book. I was working on the books by Emily Giffin. I read 2 so far and the 3rd I haven't read yet (its all checked out from the library) so I got a couple others that havent really been all that great. Usually I can finish a good novel pretty fast but when it sucks I lose interest quickly.

Hope you've had a good day misslatte
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Old 08-23-2009, 09:35 PM   #12
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ooOoooOOOooo who is this boy you speak of? I need details. You should know by now that I'm super nosy. And my boyfriend is something else. We make a great match even though we look like we'd be complete opposites.

Also, with my weight I've noticed that whatever I eat tends to affect me 2 days later. So if I eat crappy on Monday, then it will be reflected in my weight by Wednesday. Don't let the fluctuations get you down though, it happens. Do you plan on listing your meals in your journal. It's fun to see what other people eat and awesome job on the workouts.

I haven't read that book. I was working on the books by Emily Giffin. I read 2 so far and the 3rd I haven't read yet (its all checked out from the library) so I got a couple others that havent really been all that great. Usually I can finish a good novel pretty fast but when it sucks I lose interest quickly.

Hope you've had a good day misslatte
I'll have to PM you about said boy.

I've heard about that 2 day thing, which makes sense. Our bodies don't "deal" with food immediately so I should start tracking in ****** again (or here even) to see if I can find any causes/etc. It seems I haven't been eating much lately so this will also get my butt in gear to eat more (if needed). I baked some LC pumpkin muffins and some cake (also LC) today. I ate one of the muffins AND a piece of cake too. The muffins I'm okay with but the cake was really sweet, I'm not used to that much sweetness anymore. It's really good, but, I'll just need to go with even smaller portions. I wanted to make it as a "trial run" for my birthday cake. I think it will work, but, I might just go with the pumpkin muffins for bday cake instead.

Today's food:

3 scrambled eggs with dill & cheese
3 roma sized tomatoes
1 pumpkin muffin (tweak from Lauren's banana nut muffins)
1 small piece of cake (Lauren's black bean cake)
steak
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Old 08-24-2009, 08:52 AM   #13
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Mornin! No real updates today yet, just my weigh in at 170.5.
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Old 08-24-2009, 11:23 AM   #14
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I'll have to PM you about said boy.

I've heard about that 2 day thing, which makes sense. Our bodies don't "deal" with food immediately so I should start tracking in ****** again (or here even) to see if I can find any causes/etc. It seems I haven't been eating much lately so this will also get my butt in gear to eat more (if needed). I baked some LC pumpkin muffins and some cake (also LC) today. I ate one of the muffins AND a piece of cake too. The muffins I'm okay with but the cake was really sweet, I'm not used to that much sweetness anymore. It's really good, but, I'll just need to go with even smaller portions. I wanted to make it as a "trial run" for my birthday cake. I think it will work, but, I might just go with the pumpkin muffins for bday cake instead.

Today's food:

3 scrambled eggs with dill & cheese
3 roma sized tomatoes
1 pumpkin muffin (tweak from Lauren's banana nut muffins)
1 small piece of cake (Lauren's black bean cake)
steak
I'm glad I'm not the only one weirded out by divulging certain information in an online forum. I posted in my journal a while ago about how I don't mind emailing pics of myself w/ my face to people I meet on a forum but I just feel odd putting them up in my journal for anyone to access. Do you feel this way also, or am I the only crazy one? I just don't like that someone I may know might possibly be reading my personal stuff??

Yum, your cakes sound good and I see you have a love for tomatoes also
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Old 08-25-2009, 07:10 PM   #15
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Hey girly, hope you're having a good day
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Old 08-27-2009, 08:16 AM   #16
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Hey girly, hope you're having a good day
Hi!

I'm with you on the whole personal information thing. I don't want to post pictures because I don't want anyone to recognize me.

I've been busy the past few days and have eaten entirely TOO MUCH. I don't know what came over me. I was/am STARVING!! I didn't cheat but I probably ate way too much "legal" foods. Ughh!

And of course the scale reflected every bite.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:20 AM   #17
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Hi!

I'm with you on the whole personal information thing. I don't want to post pictures because I don't want anyone to recognize me.

I've been busy the past few days and have eaten entirely TOO MUCH. I don't know what came over me. I was/am STARVING!! I didn't cheat but I probably ate way too much "legal" foods. Ughh!

And of course the scale reflected every bite.
Ya, I'd be embarrassed if someone recognized me on the street from LCF I try to be open and honest but I feel like I restrict so much in my journal just out of my own personal fears that I'll be recognized based off of that. Yup I'm a weirdo. haha.

and I swear it's the weather or something. I eat a lot at night now too (I don't even update it in my journal anymore cause I'm lazy :blush but I feel like I need to eat since I can't sleep so I'll eat and end up staying up longer then when I wake up in the morning I'm not hungry Hopefully this will pass for both of us. I mean really, it's not normal to take a train ride at 8pm to search for almonds because I felt like the world was going to end if I didn't have them ASAP!!

Have a good day girly I'm going to Chipotle tonight and I'm taking bf's mommy b/c she's never been there. I'm excited to be the first to expose her to the fabulous bols. And I haven't seen her since the beginning of June so it'll be nice to spend time with her the next couple of days. Sad thing is I don't know if I'm more excited to see her or to eat a burrito bol
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:06 PM   #18
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Have a good day girly I'm going to Chipotle tonight and I'm taking bf's mommy b/c she's never been there. I'm excited to be the first to expose her to the fabulous bols. And I haven't seen her since the beginning of June so it'll be nice to spend time with her the next couple of days. Sad thing is I don't know if I'm more excited to see her or to eat a burrito bol
I hope she liked it!

Today's food.

Breakfast - 3 eggs scrambled with some flaxmeal/cheese/herbs/tomato and coffee with half and half
Lunch - 2 tomatoes and string cheese
Dinner - another tomato, string cheese.

I'm sure I ate more than that.

Oh yes, a little bag of veggie chips too (1oz or so). They're very evil because they're very good.

I'm sure there was more.
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Old 08-27-2009, 09:50 PM   #19
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Where to buy "veggie chips"?
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Old 08-28-2009, 08:07 AM   #20
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Where to buy "veggie chips"?
The brand I have is Jerry's Nut House, they sell them at some Whole Foods stores and online also.
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Old 08-28-2009, 08:08 AM   #21
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I've gained 5 pounds since Monday.
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Old 08-28-2009, 05:37 PM   #22
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I've gained 5 pounds since Monday.


Hey chicky, get back on track fast. You have big plans coming up and you need to get your eating back in check ASAP so you can limit your temptations while you're away
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Old 08-28-2009, 08:14 PM   #23
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Hey chicky, get back on track fast. You have big plans coming up and you need to get your eating back in check ASAP so you can limit your temptations while you're away
Yeah. *sigh* I haven't eaten anything off plan but I'm sure I can cut down on the amounts.
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Old 08-29-2009, 10:15 PM   #24
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I'm all anxious for vacation. Twitterpated even.

Why oh why.

Okay I know why.

But really.
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Old 08-30-2009, 12:00 AM   #25
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Hey girly, when are you leaving exactly?

I was going to say, you know why you're anxious. Just relax and have a fabulous time. I'll need to be filled in on ALL that went down while you were away

I don't know what the deal is but I feel like I want to eat the entire world this week. I hate that feeling.
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Old 08-30-2009, 11:47 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lalala View Post
Hey girly, when are you leaving exactly?

I was going to say, you know why you're anxious. Just relax and have a fabulous time. I'll need to be filled in on ALL that went down while you were away

I don't know what the deal is but I feel like I want to eat the entire world this week. I hate that feeling.
I leave on Thursday morning.

I know how you feel with the eating thing. Last week was bad for me

I was at 174 this morning so I'm going down a little at least.

Food today so far has been scrambled eggs and coffee with a TB of half and half, I think I'll make some tuna salad for lunch and dinner is going to be sushi (naruto style/no rice and sashimi) with my friend. I haven't gone out for sushi in a LONG time.

What's your fav. kind of sushi/sashimi? I need ideas for new things to try!
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Old 08-30-2009, 12:32 PM   #27
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Yum... I love sushi. I was actually thinking about going and getting some for myself today but I'm being lazy so who knows.

I usually just order a sashimi combo w/ 4 different types of raw fish. I've never asked if they do naruto style but I'd love that if they did. Yum and have a great time.
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Old 08-31-2009, 03:41 PM   #28
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Hi!

I was at 170.5 this morning.. guess it was water weight?

Sushi was good last night, the place we went to has little salmon wrapped avocado things that are baked and are sooooooo good. mmmm. I had a 'ruby red' roll that has cucumber, avocado and tuna (wrapped in cucumber). It was amazing. The bummer about it is that they're charging extra now to wrap in cucumber. The guy said it was either $7 or $10!?!?! I was like, WHAT!?! So he 'waived' it, but next time I just either won't go or just get the salmon avocado things. $7 to wrap fish in cucumber is nuts. I can by 14 cucumbers for that much. It was so beautiful, I should have taken a picture of it but it was all gone before the thought of a picture came to mind.
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Old 08-31-2009, 05:09 PM   #29
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hahah as I was reading your post, I was thinking I should tell you to take a pic next time. That sounds soooooooooo good!! That's messed up about the price though but nice that he made the adjustments for you.

Damn now I need to get sushi this week. It's super cheap here in SF since there is tons of competition everywhere.

And good job on getting back to weight. It's frustrating isn't it? oh, and change your stats!!

Have a good remainder of the day!
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Old 09-01-2009, 06:57 PM   #30
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chicky where are you and why are you not updating your journal
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