The Dish

[trishthedish]

This year, two big factors have collided. First, I turned 30; I realize my body needs to be nourished to flourish. Second, I am graduating in 10 months; I need to be as physically, mentally, and spiritually prepared as possible to survive my first year of teaching.

I had to write a paper this week discussing how to promote personal wellness for my students. As I wrote all of my plans for creating a personal wellness unit in my elementary classroom, I was suffocated by the hypocrisy. I realize the best way for me to teach something is to model it though my own choices and actions. I have had many, many reasons to implement healthy changes in my life. Sometimes those reasons have motivated me to succeed, but I always seem to detach and the motivation wanes. For the very first time, in regards to my health and fitness, my reasons aren’t all about me. Yes, we all know we need to be healthy for ourselves but I really want to be able to help as many of my students as I can. To do this, I must be a good role model.

I suppose I am intrinsically rewarded when I am teaching others, so in that way I am still rededicating myself to health and fitness for my own benefit. It has just been framed in a new way and I am hoping this new perspective is the beginning of a lifelong transition.

[trishthedish]

I just finished my summer semester and one of the classes I took focused on character education in schools. I got so much out of this class and have been inspired to begin another attempt at making long lasting lifestyle changes. The text I read for the class defined good character as knowing the good, loving the good, and doing the good. Although the premise of this definition pertains to good character as a whole, I am discussing it here in reference to character as it relates to the choices and actions I take when dealing with my health and fitness. I know the good, I love the good, but I do not always do the good.

The last chapter of this text really struck a chord with me. I thought I’d write an overview of it here so that my interpretation is clear.

“There is a gnarled old adage: ‘The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.’ The road to weak character is similarly paved. Many of us want to acquire particular virtues, such as patience or diligence, but we never quite get there. We know that a particular virtue represents a good that we want. We deeply desire it, and we may even occasionally display it. However, it doesn’t become part of us. Similarly, we have certain vices, such as irritability, doing sloppy work, being tardy, and being overly critical or uncharitable, and although we know these vices weaken us and we desire them to disappear, they certainly are part of us. We simply don’t know how to go from intention to habit.”

When I read this, I immediately connected it to my unhealthy relationship with food and lifestyle this relationship enables. Then I began thinking about the philosophy of the 12 step type programs: it is a character deficit or defect that makes one vulnerable to addictions (or bad vices). Once my mind made this connection, it ran with it. Although I have tried OA and ALANON in the past, the 12 step thing never really ‘fit’ me. Although I see my eating habits as a form of substance abuse, I never quite saw the 12 steps of sobriety as my personal answer (best of luck and support for those who find comfort there).

As I read further in this text, it discussed a process for gaining good habits and shedding vices. There are 8 steps outlined. As I read them, I realized I had found a resource to help guide me on my journey.

Step 1: Engage
Step 2: Personalize
Step 3: Understand
Step 4: Commit
Step 5: Plan
Step 6: Act
Step 7: Monitor
Step 8: Persist

During my 4 week summer break, I will begin the process of gaining good habits and shedding vices by following these steps. I will be using this journal as a launch pad for my journey. Tomorrow I will weigh, measure, and take pictures. It is my hope that I will be able to use these stats and pictures in my future classroom to aid my students in dealing with their own obesity/overeating/unhealthy habits.

Oh yeah, and I might just strengthen my character along the way.

[trishthedish]

"Before we can actually decide to acquire a virtue or eliminate a vice, our attention has to be focused on it. This can happen in many ways, but often it is the result of encountering someone who displays the virtue or the vice in a high degree (for example, someone who is extraordinarily generous or someone who is particularly miserly). Often a virtue grabs our attention through a story or a biographical account. The first step, typically, is to engage the mind and the moral imagination."

As I review this passage, I can’t help but think of LCF. There are so many examples here of people who exhibit the traits and virtues that I wish to acquire. I have been looking over posts, reading journals, and glancing through the success stories of others. Through doing this, I have focused my attention and decided to eliminate the vices related to emotional, unregulated, unhealthy eating and acquire the virtues related to the practice of balanced, healthy, and moderate nutrition and fitness.

[trishthedish]

“When we recognize in ourselves a lack of virtue or the need to eliminate a vice, we acknowledge a personal weakness. From this flows a desire to acquire the virtue or rid ourselves of the vice or bad habit. The abstract virtue or vice becomes personalized. It becomes a personal issue, a personal need.”

This step, I feel, really pertains to my health/weight/eating issues. I can talk about the obesity epidemic and the health issues related to it as if it is abstract. I fail to recognize that my body is suffering the effects of this bad habit. This is my body (the only one I get) and I must meet its needs... my needs.

I think I have spent a lot of time searching for the ‘one size fits all’ approach to diet and exercise. Even with LC, when I initially found it I thought it was a magic bullet. But like every other diet or lifestyle change, it only works if you work it. What I may have failed to adopt in the past is an outlook that recognizes I am an individual, with personal challenges, personal preferences, and a body the as is uniquely mine. Wouldn’t it then make sense that what will work for me must be personalized? I need to stop looking at certain foods and say things like, ‘So-and-so eats this and loses weight, why can’t I?” I must remember I am on MY journey, and will thrive when I completely own who I am and what I need.

Even though the issue of weight loss is something I share with many, many people, MY issue is a personal one. I can’t preach to others and I should be weary of those that preach to me. Instead I should absorb as much knowledge as I can from other people’s experiences, process it, and personalize it. For me, this step also helps with the eating disorder tendencies that lie beneath the surface. The black and white, right or wrong, all or nothing trap the ‘diets’ drag me into only feeds that demon.

I think in the 12-step realm they say something like, “Take what works and leave the rest.” In other words, personalize.

[trishthedish]

“Having focused on the virtue (or vice) and developed our own hunger to acquire it (or shed it), next we need understanding. We need to learn more about the virtue or vice in question. This crucial step is accomplished in many ways: through direct study, through stories, through personal examples of others, through friendship, and through explanations that come from discussions and conversations.”

I have this step down pat. It is funny that I can tell you so much about proper nutrition, exercise, supplements, biological processes, eating disorders, underlying psychological issues, root causes, functions of behaviors, reinforcements, etc. and yet… look at how much I weigh!

I think I may have put the cart before the horse in the past. I spent a lot of time and energy on the understanding of it all and less on the proactive steps in the process. At this point in my journey, I can spend less time on this step because it has been thoroughly covered.

[trishthedish]

“Somewhere in the process, we must make the commitment to “go for it.” There must be a personal moving of the heart so that we are ready to make the effort to overcome the vice or acquire the virtue. Ideally, when we make this commitment we are aware of the difficulties and ready to accept the challenge. The commitment can be made real in various ways: mentally, to ourselves; in a written statement for ourselves or others; in public, to attract group support. However it is expressed, a formal decision to commit is crucial.”

I feel that I have matured over the past few years in ways that make this step more important to me now. I have proven I am capable of commitment: I have been married for 8 years and am 10 months away from graduating with a four year degree. Both of these things took commitment. Both of these things came with difficulties, but I was in the state of mind to ‘accept the challenges.’

Now, I am ready to carry that maturity and commitment into this aspect of my life. I am committed to shedding my vices and acquiring virtues that support a healthy lifestyle. I am committed to making my physical health a priority in my life. I have experienced a ‘personal moving of the heart.’ This has been spiritual for me and has been affecting many facets of my life over the past couple years but is culminating in many ways now; too many to explain here.

I can honestly say that I look back on who I was just 5 years ago and realize that much growth has occurred. My purpose is clear and my actions and choices in life reflect that purpose. My physical health is the aspect I sort of left for last...… but alas, the time has come to commit.

I’ve made this commitment to myself (and the unknown children in the future that I will be influencing), I have made it in writing in my Fitness Journal, and am making it here in public.

I, Tricia, am committed to making my body healthy. I accept the challenges and embrace the opportunity to enable my body to thrive, not just survive.

[trishthedish]

“Knowledge and commitment are not enough. We need a reasonable, personal plan to build a virtue or put aside a vice. A good plan is one that is realistic and comprehensive, draws on the available supports, and considers the dangers that can possibly derail efforts. Ideally, the plan should be written out in detail.”

To perform this step, I got a small notebook and titled it, “Fitness Journal.” On the first page I made 3 columns with Date, Weight, and Waist written at the top. I then went through the entire year and wrote the date of the days I will weigh and measure. I will do this every two weeks (on a Monday morning of course). In this journal I also track my food plan, water intake, and level of activity. I am committed to doing this for the rest of this year without any ‘tweaking’ or changing. Whether I binge or get overwhelmed or feel frustrated, I will keep track of my food, water, activity, and biweekly weight and measurements. This is my plan for accountability.

As far as my food plan, I am committed to eating with awareness, to making conscious choices, and to start by eating less. I have been adding in healthy foods that are all natural, high in fiber, and low in simple carbs and sugars. I am intentionally focusing on ADDING in healthy foods, instead of focusing on SUBRACTING ‘bad’ foods. If I have learned anything about my mentality with food, it is that I respond best when I feel I have a choice, that I am eating what I want, and not ‘depriving’ myself. The cool thing is, when I go into this mode of thinking, I step up to the plate and start making healthier choices and controlling portions with more ease than when I am my own task master.

A couple of years ago, I had started to reach this frame of mind. For the first time in my life, my weight had steadily declined and I maintained a healthier weight for a year with relative ease. I was not ‘dieting’, I just made lifestyle changes and stopped focusing on the food and instead focused on my choices. Unfortunately, I let this state of mind slip through my fingers and some (but not all) of my more destructive habits resurfaced. I learned a lot from the experience and can at least say at this point that I have done this before and know I am capable. I’m not trying to reinvent the wheel here: eat better, eat less, move more.

With this strategy, my focus can not and will not be on rapid weight loss. Slow and steady… I am seriously looking at this as a lifelong change and since I am 30, I hope I have plenty of time to get down to a healthier weight and enjoy a fit body. Since I am not torturing myself with a fad diet, I don’t feel ‘entitled’ to quick weight loss. I expect to get what I put in; consistent improvement. Weighing every two weeks should reveal a downward trend. Whether it is 1 pound or 5 pounds, progress equals success.

I can’t explain the physical relief I feel having come to this mind set. It is a huge weight off my shoulders to know I am not trying to race the calendar to weigh____ lbs. by ____date. I strongly believe in goals, don’t get me wrong, but for the virtues I am trying to adopt and the vices I am trying to shed, progress IS perfection!

[ll__raine__ll]

hi Tricia

i've just been quickly reading through your journal and have found it quite interesting and inspirational. i'm just off to make lunch and then i'm going to come back and read it again in the hope that what you've written sinks in as i think you may be onto something.

[Determinedtolose]

Hi Tricia!!

Wow, I found you!! I'm glad to hear that you found what works for you. You really sound like you're in a good place and I'm happy for you!!

Just wanted to let you know I still thought about you and wanted to stop to say hi!!

Much success on your new outlook on eating!!!

I'll come visit you more often if that's okay!!

Have a great evening!!

[trishthedish]

[trishthedish]

“Acting actually has two aspects. First is putting the plan in action, that is, performing the various elements of the plan on a regular basis. For instance, we might plan to read something every day about the virtue we are trying to acquire. Or we might make a point of recommitting ourselves to the goal each morning. Second is performing the virtue or suppressing the bad habit. Here is where all of the study, planning, and commitment bear fruit. And this is when the virtue becomes an actual habit or the bad habit is finally broken.”

I have been acting by planning my daily menu and writing my food plan in my fitness journal. This is a one day at a time process and I personally find it hard to live in the moment in that way. I find myself obsessing about the future and how I will act then, when really it is so irrelevant. There were 4 days in the past two weeks that I did not follow the act of planning and eating with awareness. This step is a work in progress (as it always will be).

I’m glad I recognize this. I remember a therapist telling me once that I need to be careful about my tendency of making sure things fit in ‘neat little boxes.’ I didn’t really know what she meant at the time, but recently it is clearer. Over the past two weeks I have noticed the way I judge my actions. On the days I did not write an entry in my fitness journal, I felt I was ‘way off track.’ Now as I look at my overall results from the past two weeks, I see I reached my destination even though things did not fit ‘neatly in a box’ every day.

[trishthedish]

“We need to keep checking our progress at following the plan and achieving our goal. Even the best plans need adjustment and modification. Often a friend can act as a coach, helping us to monitor our progress.”

Today was my first ‘Two-Week Weigh and Measure Day.” During the past two weeks, I have shed 5 pounds and approximately a quarter inch off my waist. I am pleased to see such great results from the changes I have made, especially considering they were not drastic: no food eliminations, no depriving, no ‘too much too soon’ exercise plans. Instead, small steps were made with an awareness of who I am, where I am, and what I want for my future.

I’ve decided that these weigh and measure days will be a time for me to look back on the past two weeks to analyze what worked and what didn’t but also they are an opportunity to close the chapter and move forward. If my choices and actions were less than stellar, there is no need to dwell or self-deprecate. I take stock and move forward, which leads me to the last step in the process.

[trishthedish]

“Acquiring a virtue or breaking a bad habit is like setting out on a long march. Here is where one of the most useful human virtues, persistence, is necessary to help us craft other virtues and eliminate vices. We need to stay with the plan, to stay on task. Also, since lapses, failures, and backsliding are common, we need to be resilient. We need to be ready to pick ourselves up, smile at our weakness, and set out anew. One of the most important human skills is the ability to form habits and break habits. Thoreau recognized this precious truth when he wrote, “I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.”

One day, one moment at a time. I’ve been realizing that every moment I spend practicing my new virtues and abstaining from bad habits is a moment that can not be taken away from me. I used to undermine myself with thoughts like, “What if I am good for a week and then binge for a weekend and gain it all back? Then all my hard work was for nothing… why bother?”

Now I realize my future choices won’t undo this moment’s choice. Hypothetically, if I eat healthy all day and then splurge on an unhealthy snack before bed, I didn’t UNDO anything. My good choices outnumbered my poor ones. I still made progress because I did not make poor choices ALL day! I won’t let lapses, failures or backslides define me; I will let my progress and efforts do that.