Cancunkid's be careful what you wish for....it might come true!

[cancunkid]

It is funny when I think back on how many times I said God please make me lose some weight.....only I don't want to get cancer or lose a limb or anything. Now to be honest I am not a religious person but I sometimes wonder if there isn't some mighty powerful being listening. Yeah yeah I know why am I talking to God if I am not sure I believe? Because when I talk to myself people look at me like I am nuts....I really should buy a blue tooth ear piece then people would just assume I am on the phone although I think those people look like they are nuts even with the ear piece.

Oh anyway back to someone listening, I have come upon the ideal way to lose weight. I have lost my sense of smell and so my sense of taste for 11 or 12 weeks now. In that time food has become of no real interest. I am eating mostly protein because I know I don't want to start losing muscle mass but because I have cut out carbs, not completely although I have done that in the past more just I might take a bite of something but when it is only a disappointment I don't continue eating.

It is odd because I always thought my weight problems were 100% emotional eating problems. I am good to go to the gym at least 3 days a week and I always do both weights and cardio so it isn't a lack of activity. I eat a balance of foods although candy has always been a downfall and oddly enough not chocolate but things that are red. I love Red Vines and Hot Tamales.....not even similar in taste but they are both red! The odd thing is I know the lack of taste is surely depressing me but I am not eating more. I had to go through a round of steroids to see if that helped....Now that was ugly. I was a mess. Everyone said oh you will get mean and eat everything in site. Nope I spent 6 days crying, and actually eating less. Thankfully that is over. I was to have gone for an MRI but I canceled since I really don't have $2,000 for an MRI right now.

Good thing about all this is I have lost right around 50 lbs since March 6th and most of that since April 10th or so. Trust me I recall eating a couple of bags of Easter candy all by myself. I had been planning to get lap band surgery on July 14th but now I am seriously thinking about canceling my surgery. Honestly I am a bit worried if my sense of smell doesn't come back I could become anorexic. It is odd to go from one extreme to another in such a short period of time.

I didn't always have these issues with my weight. Sure in high school I thought I was too fat but I weighed about 115 lbs. I wore a size 7 or OMG a 9 sometimes. I really didn't start gaining weight until I was in my 30's when I suddenly gained 70 lbs in about 6 months. I was diagnosed with androgen hyper secretion syndrome. In this day and age I have the feeling it would be called PCOS. I have been on aldactone for years. I then gained another 50 lbs when my father had cancer partly because I was trying so hard to put weight on him everything I bought was high calorie nutrient dense foods. Recently a bad relationship put on 50 lbs that I had lost 2 years ago. It really bends me that I let him get to me so much. Totally not worth it, in so many ways.

I came back here because about 5 years ago I had very good luck with Atkins but like so many of us I slipped back into my old ways of eating. Lots of processed foods and plenty of sugar. It makes me feel so bad physically when I eat like that you would think that would stop me. Last winter I had days I could not walk up a flight of stairs my joints and muscles hurt so bad. As soon as I go off the sugar and processed foods I have more energy and feel so much better. I have no clue why I ever slip back but I do. I am hoping with a lot of encouragement and someone to slap me in the head when I disappear (hint my regular email addy is reddravenn@yahoo.com I also have a myspace page Maid Marion.....I am in the 65800 zip area.) Anyone who sees me not coming here for more than 3 days barring a vacation please please please contact me. I need a swift kick to the backside and a slap to the head. Oh I am hoping with encouragement and lots of outside watchdogs I can do this this time. Hey if I am successful I will be 17,000 richer than I would have been so I might have to rent a nice beach house or something for all of us.....oh not in Cancun of course but in the states somewhere.

Thanks again everyone in the Century club for helping me sort out my feelings and thoughts about the possibility of surgery and giving me the courage to try this again. To win this battle that is more in my head than anywhere else.

[TaDa!]

Good job starting a journal!!! I'm away a lot the next few weeks ... but will be on the computer from time to time, available for head slaps, shoulder to cry on, etc. I find the journal very helpful to just keep working through the mind junk that we all have!

What an interesting thing - that red foods thing!!! I know I have some similiar weird food relationships, lol! haven't figured them out yet though .. I remember hearing or reading that the color red will spur people on to exercise more vigorously .. sounds like you have that end of things all together though ...

Pauline

[cancunkid]

Thanks for being her Pauline. You are such an inspiration to me and so many others. I think I will be free from head slapping need for at least a while I am more worried about late August and September when I have to go back to cooking at the school.

Yesterday started out feeling like a really weird day. I was having the same boohoo feelings I had when I was on the steroids. Perhaps I am just sad about not being able to taste, at all since I worked in my yard, but when I think I can start tasting there is that little twinge of fear. It has been so much easier because I can't smell....no bakeries to contend with, no restaurant smells, of course bbq and grilling would be nice to smell this time of year and would certainly be low carb. I really miss smelling things like flowers (my mimosas are blooming as are my hardy gardenias). I think my sadness stems from that loss but like I said I also dread the day it all returns.

I was feeling kinda blue so I got out of the house and took care of the dogs I am watching, then stopped by my friend Kelly's house. She said she needed to run down to the lake to check out how messy she had left her Mom's condo when she was down there last month. I said I would love to go although her driving freaks me the **** out! Anyone who knows the Missouri Ozarks knows it is hilly and curvy but she drives about 85 the entire way. Fine she lived down there for a while so she knows the road but she is also one of those people who talks with her hands or spends the whole time digging in her huge purse. We made it in one piece obviously. Got to her Mom's condo only to find the clean sheets needed to be put on the bed. Kelly she is so anal. We made the bed then went down to the dock which was impossible to get to because the water is so high the walkway is under about 6 feet or so. We picked up some nice flat rock for her yard and while we were loading this in the back of her SUV I said okay on the way back you have to drive slower because I don't want to fly off the road and survive only to be nailed in the back of the head by a big rock. We then drove down to a little resort that was for sale and at the end of the lane found peach trees growing pretty much wild now and bamboo. It was such an odd combination. At first we thought the bamboo was horsetail so we were really excited. We also saw a doe right next to the road, we were probably 6 feet from her. The coolest part was the water pouring over the rocks in the road cuts. It was pouring!! I have never seen that but I heard they had gotten over 5 inches of rain yesterday morning. It was quite lovely though.

Best thing about Kelly is she used to be much heavier and comes from two heavy parents so she totally understands where I am coming from. Mind you the girl has lost 100 lbs in 2 years but I am not giving birth to a wild child like Jack to lose weight. Poor girl spends so much time trying to corral him. Her Mom had lap band surgery 4 years ago. She is one of the reasons I thought about doing it. She has been wonderful giving me all her clothes that are too big.....and the woman bought a LOT of clothing! Kelly says her Mom has been eating ice cream and that worries Kelly. She is afraid her Mom is just eating around her band now. Kelly at first was very pro band but as we have gotten to know each other the last 6 months she has become much less pro band and has been encouraging me to just keep trying on my own since I lose weight fairly quickly.

It was a good day to get out of the house and have some fun and see some cool things. I came home and had a piece of pizza....yeah I know not exactly low carb but it was what was for dinner and I only had one piece. I am not on Atkins as it is so restrictive I tend to splurge too much when I ever eat any carbs. I find just keeping my carbs around 50 or 60 grams is sufficient for me. At least it was whole wheat crust.

I am headed for the gym this morning. Tues and Thurs are my no chiropractor days.....by the way spinal decompression is a miracle. I am 100% free of pain. Not sure if that is the chiropractor, the lower carbs no processed foods, or the almost 50 lb weight loss but I have not felt this good physically in at least 2 years. why I ever let things get so bad I don't have a clue