The Diet Cure and my journey journal

[steady]

Originally Posted by healed01

Hi Steady
I've actually read some of your journal from Active LC! I loved it...and I'm so glad you've contacted me b/c I would love to find it again. Please link with me. I'm interested in understanding what has worked best for you. Do you have a journal here too?

I am flattered that you have read my journal. I am embarrass by the thoughts that run through my head. I never read my old posts. I know I am a crazy woman, but rereading old posts is too painful for me. However, my journal it really the only place I can be blantantly honest and overanalyze even the minute details that "bug" me.

I left my Active LC journal because I wanted to start a new one and they would not let me. I felt like everytime I posted in that journal I was reliving a bit of the painful past and therefore could not make anymore progress. So I started fresh new journal here. Feel free to drop in:
http://www.lowcarbfriends.com/bbs/we...y-session.html

[healed01]

Friday:
I had a good controlled food portion day but with the heat I am so regretting now and coming out of denial that I've gained the weight that I have since april..I felt so blaghhhh! But anyway. I did get a short walk in. Here's the food.

bk: coffee and cream, eggx2, cheese
snack:apple
lunch: chicken with skin kale salade
snack: orange, raisins (1/4cup) and 10 almonds
dinner: salmon arugula 2 shrimps, 1/4 bun with olive oil, 1 glass of wine, couple of spoons of cheesecake and tortufo 2 vodka sodas

[healed01]

Saturday:

Binge and Purge Free for 5 days.
Feeling really positive. I'm reading parts of The rules of life and I am really starting to embrasse the process, the journey, the now. I'm proud of my accomplishments yesterday b/c I went out with friends even though I did not feel skinny and I participated, and enjoyed everyone's co. My mind did wonder off thinking about the yuckiness I felt about my body especially when I saw thin girls walk by in cute dresses but I reminded myself that I can and deserve to have that too. All I need to do is continue my journey to a WOE and WOL that is sustainable. My mom said it best: don't work out and eat in a way that you won't be able to do forever b;/c that's what's going to lead you to binges, yo-yo weight and unhappiness. Find a balance and do it everyday. She's so right I love her.

So today, I've resolved to help ward off the binges that like "Overcoming Binge Eating" book states, that I need schedualed meals so I never feel like it's my last meal and binge; that there always be another opportunity to eat.

Based on controlling my binge portions, or portions; if I'm looking at 18pts then I'm going to have a b/c 6/lunch6/dinner6. These are to be concentrated high qualilty pro and fats with goood carbs like fruit. Then especially for lunch and dinner huge amount of greens and soups.

I did Turbo Jam fat blast today. Loved every second of it.

bk: 2T 35% cream and coffee, 6T pumpkin canned with 1/2 scoop pro, flax
snack after workout: smoothie (frozen fruity 1cup, 1/2 scoop pro, supps) and kale, greens

regarding the low 18pts, I'm also going to allow the flx pts and the APs but I will have to earn them and it will motivate me to be active all the time. So I will not skimp on the AP or the flex; I want to earn but b/c I'll be liberal with the usage of those points then I will set the base at 18pts.

potentially in a week if I don't workout (not good) then I can have daily 18+5= 23 which is the base really for my weight right now. Fine

if I do 30 min of cardio daily; then I earn about 3 pts; so that would mean I can go up to 18+3+5+= 26pts per day

[healed01]

Sunday:

woow...went to a party last night and boy did I feel uncomfortable. But I did it and I had a good time. My thoughts were ..yeah..you're a loser for letting yourself go..but you're on a journey and you can do this and knock it out of the water in 2 months...it does not need to take your lifetime to get to a weight that you feel comfortable.

Eating today was light and induction

bk: nothing
snack: coffee and cream
lunch: chickn thigh and 1/2 drum with salade and olive oil, 1/2 to 1oz cheese
dinner: same
snack: can of sardines in water, 1 egg and 1-2T of co milk and 1tsp of co

Turbo Jam Fat blast was dine- yay! and walked a ton in the mall.

I feel like I'm on to something.

I also bought some ketostix for motivation. sorta' pink today...see what it is tomorrow...got to plan my menu and workout for tomorrow...off to browse

[healed01]

Binge and Purge Free

Monday: Day 6
Yes! I feel great. I couldn't sleep last night because I am so excited about life and me. I'm so grateful about my body and my life and the people around me. I can't believe I have been so stupid to focus of the stupid weight thing. For me to get to 150lbs is 20lbs loss and this is no big deal. I can knock it out in less than 4 mths. This does not have to be a struggle or unpleasant journey. I do what I need to do and I'll get there. Make healthy low carb/good high fat choices and work out to feel great mentally and physically and I'll get there. I went shopping yesterday and I feel so good today. I've been wearing yucky clothes b/c I've been dying to fit in my size 5 and been wearing the same L shirts over and over again and feeling ugly. So I went shopping and bought tons of work shirt and pants and I feel motivated to lose weight and work out. I deserve to look great on this journey.

Workout
AM: Turbo Jam 20min.

I would like to make a 20min max. routine of a workout in the morning...to get off on the right foot

Eats:
bk: water, lime juice, Berry Greens
coffee and cream, 2 eggs, 1/2oz of cheddar (organic)
lunch: chicken leg with skin, small spinach salade with 43ml renee Ceasar, 1 HB egg
snack: 3 cups of water, coffee and cream

My plan is to do Yoga tonight and some more cardio or sculpting. I'll see what i'm in the mood for. I have to pack my suitecase and get ready. I'll be by the OCEAN this time next week. Really excited about my new life!!!

[healed01]

just ending my day. Was in ketosis when I came home. Dinner was ready by 7pm
dinner: pork lean cut made casserol with tomatoes and onions over fresh spinach while I snacked on 2oz blue and feta cheese. dessert was 4T coconut milk. So glad that stuff is finished. Dangerously delis!!!! I also go hungry again and had a bit more pork with 1tsp co to fill me up. I added an egg to my dinner. Boy do organic eggs taste different.

After packing, I did Turbo Jam Sculpt and I also walked home from work.So activity was good.

I did ****** and WW. ****** put me at:
1754 cal, 70% fat, 25%pro and 4% carbs
WW put me at 40 pts - 6 for AP = 36 pts

anyway I'm tired and going to bed. Mood...calm cool and collective. I'm sure if I continue this path of no extremes; just making proper choices I'll get to my goal.

[healed01]

Tuesday: Day 7 purge and binge free

So happy...my braces are no longer! Today was great and I felt good. The fat in my diet is making my skin and hair look great and I feel less bloated. I do need to work on the constipation; I did magnesium "CalM" last night and this morning and nothing also aloe vera juice. Water etc....anyway it will come out soon

Food:
bk: greens, coffee and cream, small portion of chilli with 1oz goat feta
lunch: salade (huge) with chicken (2oz), cheese, egg, veggies and olive oil
snack: finished bk with med. coffee and cream
dinner: gotta do that at home

My plan is to get home and have dinner. Maybe a stir fry or some zuchhini pasta with the chili to top..yeah!
workout: I'm in the mood for Turbo Jam Fat Blast but will have to do that when I'm home. Anyway check in later.

[healed01]

ok so its almost 10pm...in bed . At peace right now and ready for my move on Saturday. I cannot believe it. So much has changed and so much will be changing. I'm really excited about my new life. I'm excited and gratefull for the appreciated I'm finally seeing in myself and all that surrounds me. I regret that I wasted so much time but maybe that is my journey. So much has changed. I have lost a great friend (boy) and I'm sad b/c I feel like I have a piece of my puzzle missing; the talks the sense of security but like my mom says: "what is not yours is not yours. You can have anything in life if you ask for it but it may not be meant for you" "Instead ask for what is meant to be yours" Usually those things come so easy ..like butter. So I move on and lose another person in my life. Loss of trust and realise what the Dali Lama said in his book about love. We should treat everyone the same, b/c if you accept the concpet of re-birth then someone who you love or hate right now may be your enemy or your loved one in another life. All I can do is trust and treat myself and others with respect and set a boundry with all. No more hurting.

Anyway, dinner was:
small portion of chili again, and 6oz salmon baked with lime and CO with dill and salt
over a cup of spinach and olive oil drizzle.

Turbo Jam Fat Blast - done!

berry greens and aloe with digestive enzyme and water now...getting tired ready for bed.

just had a snack :

1.5oz of feta/blue cheese
2 eggs with 1/2tsp CO

my tummy feels so much better..I was hungry.

I want to have a good breakfast so I tapper off the eating throughout the day.

this is my goal. Now that I've eaten so late though I doubt I'll be hungry tomorrow morning. I should have someting before my coffee and until I get some fat and pro in then no coffee...then again the way I drink it it does count as fat and pro...maybe that's ok then

I do want to start my morning with 2 servings of BerryGreens and to get those things in. So at least if I'm not too hungry I can get the nutrients in.

[healed01]

Wednesday:
Day 8 Purge and Binge free

today is the last day at work really before the move and I am really happy that I have things under control. I could have eaten a little less today but I think I did ok. I'll check on ******

bK: coffee and cream, 2 eggs, small amount of chilli, 1oz feta cheese, coffee and cream

lunch: chicken leg with skin and chili and salade

snack: chicken breast with wing and skin

dinner: 1 can of tuna and spinach broccoli brussel sprouts mayo (homemade) zuchini red onion

looks like I've consumed about 2200-2500 calories...wow...more than usual ...I guess it's b/c I had too much olive oil and an extra meal with the afternoon chicken.

well I'm going to make sure I'm super active for the rest of the evening. ...

I already walked home from work
I'll go for a walk
then I'm thinking Turbo Jam Cardio Party or Kickboxing...

everything was pretty much induction food and carbs were at 22grams....

[healed01]

ok...just getting ready for bed. I'm feeling better after my shower. I feel sometimes like I'm detoxing when I get this feeling of my skin is crawling...I sweat when I'm working out and it makes me feel yucky and I push myself to sweat and get my heart pumping and make all parts jiggle so I get rid of it and then shower and feel soooooo much better. So here I am.

I went for a long walk leisurly with mom and then I did Turbo Jam 20min.

anyway going to browse

My goal tomorrow is to wake up
7am: workout (fat blast or kickboxing)
8am: shower and get ready and have bk..coffee?
8:20am: leave house and go to appt. for 840 and then work...

[healed01]

Thursday:
Day 9 binge and purge free. Induction levels and feeling svelt

I can't believe I'm moving in 2 days! I'm so happy with my body right now...no where I need to be physically but mentally I'm getting the LC lifestyle and how I'll be losing and maintaining my weight. and what it means to listen to my hunger and feed my body with good stuff. I no longer need to starve myself to lose weight. I need to eat when I'm hungry and know when to stop. and to exercise at least 30 minutes per day without going overboard so I can do it everyday and to be social.

Today was great. I woke up
bk: egg and 1/2T CO
snack: lrg coffee and cream
lunch: salmon, chix, beef (5oz total) with green salade and heart of palm with 2oz cheese, coffee and cream diet coke
snack: 1.5oz cheese and leftover chili
dinner: 2oz chicken with greek salade and olive oil
1 vodka (1oz) and club soda

I was feeling really good. I feel like all the bloat from the abuse I put my body through has settled and hormonally I'm at a very peacefull place compared to the horrid feeling I was having just this past saturday. Thank you GOD for answering my prayers. Please continue to be the wind beneath my wings and allow me to shed the pounds. I would like to arrive at 135lbs and be healthy and active and be free to live to the fullest.

Anyway tomorrow I'm looking forward to a great bk and coffee and then lunch will be at home and dinner I'm going out. I would like to squeeze a workout in before dinner but we shall see.

[healed01]

I quit WW

[Bibby]

YAY!!! Well done. Looks like you're in the zone now and enjoying it. Best wishes. Hope the move goes well...

[healed01]

2 weeks of induction...got cocky and here I am ...carbaholic...all carbed up...stuffed and hungover and in a cloud from the last 3 days of binge/purge...I am pissed at myself b/c I thought I should solve my void with some chocolate...I don't know why I do this...now clothes are tight and I'm starting to retreat...the good thing is that I've been still active...in the past I would vegetate and isolate. Now I can't and I won't. I am so glad I'm back on the internet..didn't have it since my move to the coast and I've been in journal withdrawal and this was not good to avoid the binge and purge...so I'm back to day 1 but I'm not going to go to day one b/c this is a journey and for 14 days before I was binge and purge free and if I can focus on being perfect 80% of the time then I have been so far...

so Day 15th let's say

bk: banana, orange, coffee and cream
lunch: dim sum (all fried carbs)
snack: 2 hot chocolates, orange
walk home: 2 oat fudge bars, 1 donut
dinner: 1 rainbow trout, sour cream 3oz cheese, zuchini, and onion
tea...

at least I didn't purge. better than the 2days of purging yesterday.

so what is my plan...to continue activity and my journey to eat whole foods, high fat and small portions.
I like my coffee and creams in the morning and in the past I found bk very good b/c I was less hungry at lunch and dinner. My downfall after a carby meal is I usually need something sweet..I've been slacking on the water.

[Bibby]

OK, none of us are perfect. The important thing is it hasn't knocked you completely off the rails. You are back in there. SO, best wishes and stay focussed.

Just remember how bad you feel now, internally and remember how good you feel when you aren't suffering with carb poisoning. I find that a good motivator.

Most important thing -don't beat yourself up about it, eh! Today you WILL get control back and be happy with yourself. X

[NewYorkGiants32]

Wow! We are so alike!! I feel for you and if there is anything I can do let me know.

This week will make me 30 days purge free...BUT just today, I have had a binge. It is horrible!! Tomorrow (fri) I am back on plan.....the sugar coma that I have to deal with after a binge is no longer worth it.....hang in there!!

[healed01]

the fnny thing is that I'm back and when I'm on LC I don't even obsess about food. I think what happened is that I got bored and I need to make my meals creative to get past the 2 week mark and I also need to feel what I eat instead of just eating b/c I can LC. So it was great and I feel better

bk: coffee and cream. 2 eggs and some cheese and cucumber
lunch: sashimi, diet coke
snack: vodka and soda water, cheese and cucumber
dinner: salmon, 1egg, cheese spinach and olive oil and onion and sour cream

I was not obsessed with food today and felt good. I want to get in the groove and not feel so fat...

[healed01]

B 2 eggs fried in coconut oil 1/2 avocado or your egg cream
S 2 tbs. almond butter or homemade almond milk
L 2 cups mixed baby salad greens (my favorite high nutrient)
1/2 chicken breast or 1 thigh (whole chicken breast is a lot of protein to cut protein consume thigh instead) olive oil dressing other chopped veggies-feta cheese
S 1/2 avocado cup of miso soup 1 tbs. coconut oil
D 3 oz. salmon, 1 cup broccoli sauteed in butter with garlic
dessert 1/2 cup yogurt with 1/4 cup of berries

Some possible guidelines to follow
20-30 grams of protein with each meal
2-3 tbs. of coconut oil per day
3-5 cups of veggies (this includes your peppers, celery, tomatoes, etc)
1/2 cup of berries per day
1/2-1 cup full fat yogurt daily
yogurt is such a functional food especially for you.
2 oz. of nuts and seeds daily. (adding raw sunflower seeds to your salads boosts your vitamin E)
butter and olive oil daily

I would like to see you add a high quality cod liver oil to maximize your omega 3's. Your D3 supplementation is good but better conversion happens with CLO.

[healed01]

65/20/15
975
300
225
these should be the calories i should be consuming.

[healed01]

so I've been MIA in the last 3 weeks. I have been browsing but not journaling. I love coming back b/c you really see the progress of others. Anyway my new life in a new place has begun. Eating has been going well. I've binged 2 times but not severely in the last 3 weeks. I'm really happy about this and I've also been walking alot!! I actually went for a jog tonight and feel fab.
I am really starting to really understand how fat makes me feel. When my ratios are high in fat , I am so satisfied and at peace. I have also made peace with my off plan eating b/c as long as I eat within my calorie limits and I exercise over the long term I will be losing. Also if I'm consuming whole foods there won't be an issue if I have fruit or dates occassionally. I just have to realise that I need to get back on plan the next meal and to exercise and move on.
I've made really yummy fatty treats and I'm getting better at getting my CO in.

Anyway more later

[healed01]

menu for today about 1800 calories

bk: egg creme made with 2 eggs, coffee and stevia
snack: 1/2 avocado coffe and creame
lunch big salade with one egg, feta and 1cup buffalo olive oil
water4 cups
dinner: 1.5 wings, 1/2 spagetthi squash, 1T olive oil with garlic and parsley
2 spoons of meat, 1T tahini, 25 almonds and 2 T hemp hearts

[LowCarbLea]

Thank you so much for writing in my journal!

Keep working hard, I know you're going to make it to your goal!

[healed01]

why do I get so derailed. why am I so weak with myself. I don't think it should be very physically difficult for me to lose 20 lbs. but I'm making it such a battle and I'm not liking my character. why do I want to consume things that don't even make me feel good? Look for dinner I just had veggies, 2-3TBS of sesame oil/CO and 2 small sausages and it was great. Easy to digest and yummy. If I follow this most of the time and keep my proteins and carbs low but the latter based on greens I will lose weight and the key is for me to be active and I'll lose. I just want something sweet and I screw it up. I'm going to do it this time...what cheese and whip cream is not yummy enough for me? Also I need to be having a 2 week plan and moving to OWL...I'm so stupid sometimes. Focus

[MarblesLongGone]

You can do this.

[healed01]

yeah..except I keep conveniencing myself of a way to lose weight...I went for a walk and thought I would have some m and ms with a handfull of toffe peanuts...I'm such a loser...anyway I got back home after skimming through fitness magazines and went in the tub of epsom salt...I'm so lost...what is wrong? why am I so bad to myself ? what is eating away at me?

[MarblesLongGone]

There are two things that motivate people.

1. To avoid pain
2. To gain pleasure

In MOST people, the first is the stronger of the two. You need to do some deep analysis. What does your fat GIVE you? What BENEFIT are you deriving from it?

For me? Fat insulates me from excess male attention. To phrase this nicely for a public forum, I received too much inappropriate male attention at a young age. Unwanted male attention still makes me nervous. But, KNOWING what my issue is, once I realized that was why I could reach goal, and get sudden OBSCENE cravings for junk, then I had the power to fight them. Unmask your demons. If you turn on the lights, the monsters in your closet are, if not gone, at least smaller.

[NewYorkGiants32]

Originally Posted by MarblesLongGone

There are two things that motivate people.

1. To avoid pain
2. To gain pleasure

In MOST people, the first is the stronger of the two. You need to do some deep analysis. What does your fat GIVE you? What BENEFIT are you deriving from it?

For me? Fat insulates me from excess male attention. To phrase this nicely for a public forum, I received too much inappropriate male attention at a young age. Unwanted male attention still makes me nervous. But, KNOWING what my issue is, once I realized that was why I could reach goal, and get sudden OBSCENE cravings for junk, then I had the power to fight them. Unmask your demons. If you turn on the lights, the monsters in your closet are, if not gone, at least smaller.

Very well said.

[healed01]

induction day one
bk: CO 1tsp, coffee with 1.25cup of cream
lunch at 1pm: 2 thighs with skin, 1 cup of cuke, 1 egg HB, tea with HnH and splenda

dinner: planning salmon...watch my carbs

aminos: l-tyrosine 500mg for bk

[healed01]

yes male attention..sometimes i think it's this or other things ..maybe an excuse to avoid all things in life. but i do remember when i was thin, life was not perfect but it was easier to get going.

so Day 1 is done!!! halellluhyayhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh@@@!!! man it was tough but i did it without gorging on fat or protein...I'm so happy ..thank you to those who have supported me...
i checked my weight this morning and it was down. mis read the scale last night

weight:180lbs
exercise; 20min jog. walked home from work

bk. coffe and cream with CO
lunch: 2 thighs with cucumber and 2 eggs
snack; 1 egg and tea with splenda 1 and cream Co
dinner; salmon steak and small kale salae..morsel of asiago cheese and tsp of cod liver oil

[NewYorkGiants32]

Good for you!!!!! Day one is one of the hardest (IMO) and you got through it...YAY!!!

Do not rely so much on the scale...I know, easier said than done.