ShannonM-Just Journaling

[ShannonM]

I don't really know how to begtin this, I have never journaled about food and weight loss. I believe that it is something I need to do for myself. I used to journal all the time when I was a teenager and it really helped me to sort everything out in my head.

A quick history about me. I am 29 y/o, I am 5'7" and I weigh 358 lbs on a large frame (thanks Gramps), I am incredibly active for a person of my size. I guess over the years I just always pushed myself because if I have always been fat, I knew no other way to live. I lost about 100 lbs back in 2001 following Atkins. Gained it back +20. Then in 2005 I lost 70 lbs. following Atkins (halfassed) for my wedding (photo in avatar). Gainned it back plus 30.
This is my 3rd serious attempt to lose this weight because I have been having some knee and back pain, trouble breathing, and a thorough disgust with myself while looking in the mirror.

So far, since 4/23/08, I am down around 14 lbs. At this point in time I am pretty content with eating LC just for the enormous difference in the way I am feeling. My heart is not tachy anymore, and I have so much energy. I truly think that I had an allergy to the junk, unnatural carbs. I told Rick (DH)
that I really don't think I will ever go back to eating processed foods.

Yesterday, like usual, I got out of bed, made my coffee with heavy cream and 2 splenda, and came directly to LCF. This is my daily routine and dose of motivation and inspiration. I don't go to work until 2pm so I have a few hours to just peruse the site.

One of my biggest downfalls, I think is waiting too long to eat something. Yesterday, for example, I didn't eat any solid food until around 4pm. I did however try one of the egg creme things and am experimenting with that because I just am really unable to eat too solid substances before Noon.
We shall see how that goes.

So around 4pm at work I ate 5 hard boiled eggs (yes 5). Then around 6pm I had about 2 cups worth of Steak Umms with onion, peppers and cheddar cheese all mixed together. Man, that was good but greasy. TMI- I am still waiting for the effects of all that grease.

I had nothing else to eat until I got home at 1am, when I had 2 baked chicken legs and a cup of broccoli which DH had ready when I got home. I love that man for his unconditional love and never ending support of my choices.

I drank well over a gallon of water which has quickly become my beverage of choice, coming from a woman who consistantly used to drink over 2 liters of Diet Pepsi an evening. Don't get me wrong, I still love my diet Pepsi and bring 2 one liter bottles to work with me, but I also bring a one quart bottle of water to work, which I refill over and over again. I have a tough time getting through one Liter of diet Pepsi nowadays, because if the water and the Diet Pepsi are sitting next to each other I will reach for the water 90% of the time.
I like the effects of adequate water consumption, my eyes aren't red and dry, my skin is clearing up and it just makes me feel good.

I guess that is all I have to say for today.

[ShannonM]

Well, Today is another day. I woke up this morning and weighed myself(as usual) I was 359.0, so I am pretty much the same. Today is Saturday so it is my measurements day, I am happy to report a 6.25 in. reduction in my waist alone. Everything else went down too but only from between 0.5-2.0 in. in other areas. So I am quite pleased with that.

Yesterday's Menu:

3 large cups of coffee with cream

B: Egg creme

L: BLSL Baked chicken breast (made at work, no control over the BL SL part)

D: Pork Sausages and 2 cups cooked broccoli in EVOO

I had my typical gallon + of water and only 0.5 liter of diet Pepsi. Man that pepsi is getting too sweet.

I need to begin an activity program soon. I get lots of activity at work, but I want to do a more focused activity routine. Right now I am on a 6 day 56 hour stretch at work so maybe Monday when I have a day off I will begin something. I want to do something enjoyable so it may take some thought. I used to love to run but I don't dare at this weight. I will end up like poor little Eight's Belle with broken ankles. Poor darling

Any way, here's to another day!!

[ShannonM]

Well, yesterday was quite a busy day, I went to a cookout at my grandparents for Mother's day. I was in total control of myself which is good. And thank goodness everyone in my family is very familiar with my woe so there was no problem there. My Stepfather and Mother commented on my weightloss so far. I didn't think it was very noticeable but I guess that it is. My stepfather said he can always tell when I gain or lose weight because it always shows in my face. It's true. I gain and lose there first. Kinda sucks that it would show up there when I gain but even to me, I can see it in my face first. I guess it is because I am on the vain side.

I started to log into fitday again. I don't really like to use it because it is difficult to guesstimate quantities of meat and veggies. I watch the veggie portion, but I refuse to weigh and measure my meat at this point. I have to have a plan that is liveable for me and I am just not the kind to obsess over portions. I eat to satisfaction. I like the Fitday program though because it does open my eyes to my coffee intake. I drink about 48oz a morning. add to that the cream and splenda and we are talking lots of extra carbs. I am addicted which in and of itself is not a good thing. So starting tomorrow I am going to start weaning down carefully until I am off it. I stopped a few years ago and after the initial caffeine withdrawl I felt fantastic and bursting with energy. I just love the taste so much, and have never been able to find a decaf that I could live with. All or nothing part of me I guess.

The dang scale isn't moving for me either. I am not too worried at this point because I know it will happen and I am not in a race. I want the health rewards that naturally come with this woe. I feel great, my depression is gone. I take my vita-nutrients everyday which I feel is very important and I think it helps the depression. Dr. A says tyrosine is a wonderful antidepressant, and I must say that after a month of continuous usage, I agree. I was on 40mg of Celexa, I took myself off, about 3 1/2 weeks ago and am so glad that I did. I hated some of the side effects but took it any way because it helped. I am glad I have a side effect free alternative.

Okay, done rambling.

[ShannonM]

[COLOR=black]Yesterday sure didn't go as planned. I didn't eat anything until about 9:00pm. When Dh got home we went fishing, which was lots of fun. We had to do some hiking just to get to the spot on the Creek that he wanted to go. I did some drinking (watermelon vodka in lemon lime soda (diet from Splenda). While we were fishing I could swear that I smelled fried dumplings from the chinese restaurant. So, the longer we stayed there the more I began to crave chinese food. After we were done fishing we ran to the chinese joint and I ordered: General Tso's chicken with pork fried rice, fried dumplings, chinese chicken wings and egg rolls....and ate it all. After I finished eating I was paying attention to how I felt. I didn't feel great. It was almost as if I was light headed from it all. I have no intentions of doing that again. I think the combination of not eating and the booze sent me over the edge.[/COLOR]

On a brighter note I was down a little on the scale this morning. I wonder if eating that garbage will put me on the downward again. I just hope that when I wake up tomorrow I don't see a gain. Tomorrow is my official weigh in day for the week. I go to Weight Watchers with my step-mother and MIL for moral support. I like to go, but I feel guilty because I don't follow their plan. I did in the beginning, but it just isn't for me. My step mother has lost over 50lbs following it and my MIL has lost around 40. Good for them, I am glad that they have a plan that they can follow easily and fit into their lifestyles. I am debating on whether or not to accept the awards for weightloss though. I don't want to mislead the other members into thinking that I am losing by doing WW. On the other hand it is nice to be recognized for accomplishments. My MIL says take the awards because I am doing a different kind of WW. I will have to think about it some more.

I think that I am going to have a nice high fat high protein egg creme for breakfast today. I am not feeling any carb cravings from last nights blow out but I am going to bingo at the casino and don't want to be hungry and eat off plan today. Not 2 days in a row. I also have a bag of macadamia nuts that I bought from BJ's Wholesale yesterday while I was getting household supplies. I should be okay. I will just have to bring enough water to get me through. I might have a diet Pepsi today too.

I have only had one 20oz cup of coffee today with Light cream and one splenda. I am really going to try to cut it out. It will be hard but I think it will ultimately help.

Off to the Casino.

[GGWilson]

Hey Shannon!

Definitely take those awards - WW is supposed to be about making lifestyle changes too, which is what you are doing - so accept the awards with pride. Also, one thing that may have helped you with the Chinese food incident is that you didn't stress yourself out over it; you did it, you accepted it and you moved on. That's the way life should be.

Good luck on your journey!

[ShannonM]

Thanks Meg, I agree about the chinese food. I spent a great portion of my life dwelling on things and the only place it ever got me was worried. Life is way too short to dwell. I also agree on the WW thing. I deserve to be recognized for my efforts regardless of the plan I choose; so I will accept them with pride.

I am not thrilled that I am carrying some water weight from my prior indiscretions but realize that it is water weight and am quite sure that it will come off in no time.

I don't have a whole lot to journal today so I will leave now. I am sure I will be a whole lot more chatty tomorrow. Good night Y'all.

[ShannonM]

I haven't journaled in a few days. Nothing much going on. I am still on plan of course. In the past 2 days I have lost 6.5 pounds, after holding steady for a week and a half. So it has been a nice change of pace on the scale. As far as inches goes, I have lost an additional 6 inches off of my waist. 12 total inches in 2 or 3 weeks. Can't understand how that is entirely possible but I will take it.

Any way, just wanted to make my presence known.

[GGWilson]

KUTGW Shannon!

[ShannonM]

Thanks Meg,
Unfortunately the weight loss didn't stick, but the inches have so I am not too disappointed.

Ohhh the horror of yesterday. It was just awful. One thing after another. As DH and I were at the grocery store I told him I just wanted to go off plan and eat everything in sight. He just rubbed my back and said awww, poor honey. I didn't go off plan. Part of the whole thing is that I was running around all day and hadn't eaten. So I was ravenous by 8 o'clock. I made a delicious low carb meatloaf with cheesy cauliflower. I ate way more than my stomach wanted or needed but in my mind I thought that if I filled up on "good" foods I wouldn't be tempted with the "bad" foods. I guess it must have worked. I need to listen to my body's hunger signals a little more closely.

So far today is much better as far as the way things are going. I am very happy with that because I have 10 hours of work today. Nothing makes the day drag like a bad day.

Hope everyone is doing great! Talk soon.