Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[*Pear*]

I just caught up with your journal, and I'm so sorry to hear about Zer. I had no idea she was sick. I hope to meet her someday in Heaven.

Heather, would you care to share your pattern for the gloves with the convertible fingers? It sounds like a fun project to make.

Glad your vending machines are staying busy. Such a blessing these days.

[Snowman]

Just to let you know, your in my thoughts and prayers and so is Ron.

[skeopple]

Praying that God guides you in the path He wants for you. Listen quietly for an answer. I hope it's swift because this is a terrible thing to put up with.

Love and hugs.

[Houston Heather]

Thank you!

Well, I had a good day out. Ron dropped me at Starbucks, and I drank my heavy whipping cream thing and did some knitting. I brought 3 projects, and alternated. I have "Christmas colors" granny square afghan for my aunt, a soap sock for me, in cotton; and the cream wool shawl.

I decided the theme of the day was "Heather enjoying herself". I got 3 bottles of pop, and then went to a craft store. Didn't buy a thing, nothing appealed to me.

After that, I waited forever on the bus, gave a passenger a Bible, and got off at the OTHER craft store/favorite dollar. I got some lighters - yup, lighters. I like having incense when I do my Bible study and I hate taking the lighter out of the living room and into the computer room. I wanted a computer room lighter, and I got one.

Then, the other craft store. I spent a lot of time there... looking at the yarn department, debating which yarn to use for a project. Do I want the Woolease (Bubba is indifferent)? Or do I want the alpaca yarn? It's softer and warmer, but I KNOW what will happen with Bubba. Yarn strung all over the floor... slobber kitty, like that photo I put up a while ago of Mr Naughty chewing up the wool. I decided on "Neither".

As I was passing the fabric, I thought "That would be so cute as a curtain". What is a curtain? It's a top and bottom hem, with a sleeve for the rod. I can sew that much. I made a skirt in Home Ec.

My grandma was quite the seamstress, and she taught my aunt. I called her. Got lots of good advice. I agonized a bit over prints - no way do I have enough money to buy even the cheapest fabric... but I decided I could afford a test swatch. I got a yard and a half of the $2 a yard solid fabric in wedgewood blue. I pinned it up to the curtain when I got home. First impression, it's a little DARK. I think maybe the red would be better... but the fabric only cost $3. I would rather spend $3 and LOVE my curtains, then spend a lot of time and trouble making lousy curtains I hate.

So, after that, kind of hungry. I decided to "hit" the Christian bookstore. I got over there. Having a Bible sale $1 each. Even Spanish ones. I found a cute romance novel, and a book on Spiritual Warfare, that looked cool. Plus $3.

The cashier liked my joke "I should have my paycheck direct deposited to you guys." Then, I went over to my favorite McDonalds. When Ron called, he commented on how the employees at McD were having a good time, lots of fun interaction.

And when I said, I want a chicken salad, with double chicken, they GOT it. Praise God. SOME people NEVER get what I want! I'm not a butt pain, really, I'm not. I gobbled up my salad and went to the bus stop.

While waiting, I met a nice Indian lady - from India. She was curious what a typical American Thanksgiving dinner contained, so I gave her the classic family menu. She found it fascinating. I tried to give her a Bible, no thanks. Oh, well.

The bus came, I had a good transfer. I actually got out my shawl, the buses were pretty chilly, but a beautiful day today. Warm, sunny, mild, no breeze or humidity... sigh. I don't expect many more days like THAT!

Pear, I don't have a pattern. I have a book that gives basic ideas on how to construct various knitted items, and then gives you a template based on the size and your stitches per inch. I like to alter things as I go along. Teach Yourself Visually, Knitting Design I have found it to be one of my most useful knitting books - my only complaint - they don't have any patterns for knitting a sweater in the round. But I have another place for that.

From what I have heard of Zer, I believe she was saved, so I know she's taking good care of Frosty for me until I get there.

[Houston Heather]

Here's a good link for every kind of knitting pattern in the world.

Knitting Pattern Central - Free Mitten and Glove Knitting Pattern Link Directory

[Houston Heather]

Got all the Bible study done, dinner, etc.

I try not to bug God with a lot of requests, but He does seem to sharpen up my thinking if I ask, before I do my Bible study.

Tomorrow, it's work, home, dentist - for Ron. I'm still deciding on my curtains. I am very glad I am waiting before I commit to a fabric.

[*Pear*]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

Here's a good link for every kind of knitting pattern in the world.

Knitting Pattern Central - Free Mitten and Glove Knitting Pattern Link Directory

Thank you! I'll have a look at lunchtime.

[Houston Heather]

Fun stuff.

I'm sitting in the computer room right now, the sun is shining into the room, and I'm liking the blue. I am thinking to put a red swag across the top to tie it together and add a little brightness. I'm liking it... the blue is very nice. Last night it almost seemed gloomy but I like it right now - which is why I'm testing it out for 10 days, by the time I get paid I'll know for sure. I'm very happy I did this.

Today we picked up a nice older lady on the way to work. She is 88 - a character.

At work, I was doing a lot, helping Ron, helping the customers, etc. He has the very bad habit of asking me to do something, then all of a sudden it's Do this Heather. Well, which do you want me to do? Then he does the whole eyerolling thing. Sorry I can only do 1 thing at a time! Do you want me to fetch soda from the stockroom, or fill the coffee machine like you asked? Or, fill coffee and then do the sodas? Or the opposite?

That happens pretty often, I can't say I'm used to it but it doesn't surprise me. Today he was pretty awful though.

He tells me to "count how many juices we need in the machine". I asked him, which row are they on? He got an attitude. I didn't know? No, I said, that's why I ASKED. Of course by this time I spotted a can on a shelf, so I said, NOW I can see it is on the third row.

He's ordering me to "count what's in the machine". For me, whenever I try to do that, it goes badly. The empty and full slots all blur together. My adaptation is, get what it looks like it can hold, then add more or less as needed. It's a lot faster, too.

No, Ron demands, I HAVE TO COUNT IT. I tell him, I can't do it that way. "WHY?" Because it doesn't work for me.

NO ONE IS THAT STUPID, EVEN YOU.

Huh. Nice. Really NICE. Best of all, said in front of ALL the customers. I told him "Why would I lie about a thing like that?" Then he starts quoting something out of his STUPID Transactional Analysis book he read 30 years ago. I am playing a head game, he says, the head game entitled "Wooden Leg". Basically, when Ron believes I am (asking him to accomodate my disability), it means he should verbally KICK me until I stop (asking for a little respect and understanding). This is done by insulting me, yelling at me, and verbally abusing me.

Pretty awful. Especially, in front of the customers. Fortunately, I am medicated. I am also a Christian: Colossians says "Do your work as though serving God and not man, knowing you will get your reward from Jesus Christ." OK. God wants me to "do the juices". It doesn't matter if I count the empty slots (I counted 10 as I attempted to do this) - it matters that I FILL the empty slots.

That means,I need to fill up the empty slots with juice. We had about a dozen cans. I got them and began rolling the cart over to the machine. Ron yells that we have 7 empty slots, get SEVEN cans.

Whatever. I don't say it, I think it. I fill up all the empty slots.

How difficult would it have been to really LOOK at me, and say "Heather, I want you to fill the juice machine. What's the best way for that to happen?" I would have told him, the same way I do snacks. I can never keep track of empty/vs full coils. It is easier to bring ALL the merchandise out and do it that way. For me, it's a lot faster too, because I have to count and recount and then the number's always off anyway.

But, I have read nothing in the Bible promising me an easy marriage, an easy life, or a husband who cares about my feelings. It says when I cry, God cries with me, and he wants me to treat everyone the way I would treat Him.

So, when Ron yelled at me and "threw me out" when I went over, offering to help, I took the out, went outside, and did my Bible study. I handed out a tract and a Bible while I waited, read several chapters of my Bible, and prayed.

When the ride pulled up I said thank you. I got out of the vehicle to help Ron into the cab.

It would be really easy to see my marriage as a one-way street... all the love, compassion, and understanding going one way. However, I tell myself the same thing I told myself at work. God will make Ron answer for EVERY single hateful word, thought, and action he has had towards me in the time we've been together. God will show Ron what it was like to BE me, to ask for help and understanding and not to get it.

He just came in.. supposedly to apologize, but really to tell me I'm far DUMBER than I used to be, asking why repeatedly. I kept asking him to leave me alone. No, not until I YELLED at him to leave me alone, in tears.

What a butt. Now he's drinking, the answer to all our problems.

[karenb]

How does he get his alcohol? Do they deliever? Just remember when he'd yelling at you in public he is really making an ass of himself in from of the others, He may not realize but the people are thinking he's a butthead! Keep your chin up. If he's in your room and harrassing you just grab his wheelchair and move him out. He needs someone to take a strong hand to him. You don't need to stand for it.

Almost forgot what I was going to post. I know you do a lot of knitting, something I never got the hang of, I can crochet but not knit. My sister took up knitting to keep her hands busy when she quit smoking. She died 3 years ago. As a way to honor her this Christmas I'm donating $500 to a knitting basket thru the heifer fund. The Heifer Fund donates live animals to poor people who then have to pass on the young of the animals they recieved to others in their village and teach them to care for it. It's along the line of giving a man a fish he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish he'll eat forever. The Knitting Basket consists if 2 llamas and 2 sheep-4 animals known for their warm and income producing wool. Not only will they produce the wool but when bred their will be milk for the children to drink and sell. If you hadn't talked so much about knitting I wouldn't have thought of the gift!

[Houston Heather]

That's some WARM fiber - a really cool gift. I'm happy to help!

He has a "freind" who will buy it, failing that he will pay a cab driver to get it for him.

I spent the whole afternoon in bed, safe with my cat. It's hard when I'm already somewhat depressed, but I don't want to have a pity party.

11 people this year have died from the dreaded H1N1 in Harris county. Some interesting statistics:
23 people died last year, of a dog attack.
29 people are murdered every day, in America.
118 people, in America, die in car wrecks every day.
232 people will die of alcohol complications.
Up to a thousand will die daily, depending on age group, of obesity! Now THAT's scary!
Lastly, 1191 people will die of smoking today.

It's all about perspective. I had fun doing the research.

Ron is leaving me alone, as requested.

[Houston Heather]

I took a double dose of lithium with dinner. "Dinner" being a couple of scrambled eggs with cheese and garlic, and some fried salami and pepperoni.

Ron's pretty upset about the "current event".

[Houston Heather]

Well, an interesting morning.

I forget to fix the little lever in the shower, so I started with a nice icy blast. BRRRR. Then, on the way to work, the driver was having some trouble reading the map. He backed into another car. CRUNCH. Tinkle...

Over an hour waiting on the authorities, and the oddest part was the "victim" going around to everyone, asking us to "fix" her cell phone. She hadn't paid her bill - and it was in emergency only mode. I can't fix THAT lady.

The other 2 clients complaining. Ron's squashed like a grape. I'm knitting in the front seat, and the driver is totally freaking out. He's convinced he will lose his job over this. I asked if I could give him a hug, he said yes, I did. I also told him I will be praying for him.

God only knows when we'll get to work, but I'm just glad everyone is breathing on their own, and no one is shoving a tube down my throat!

[*Pear*]

How did the rest of the morning turn out? Glad everyone is ok. Really freaky.

[Houston Heather]

Well, I finished my soap sock. Basically a tube, a few inches in diameter. Closed at the bottom, drawstring opening at the top. Stuff leftover soap in, use as combo washcloth/soap. Ron loves it. I used cotton yarn.

We had to wait another hour at home before our ride. Our driver was John the cab driver - hired for one trip by Metrolift. John got a Bible. I like him a lot, he's a very nice guy.

He told us, that Metrolift is only 10% of the cab fleet, but over 50% of the accidents! Wow!

We got to work, SOME kind of screwup with the pickup. I did everything that needed doing, got a lot done.

Ron says pickup is 12:23. OK.... I go out 15 minutes before to wait on our ride. Nothing. I get out the knitting. More nothing. I am pestered by honeybees. Nothing. Mosquito bites. Nothing.

Ron calls me (he waits on a chair inside the building, while I wait outside on a bench so I can wave at the driver). The ride is outside... our HOUSE. Ron clears that up... oh, sorry.

So, I was outside at 12:08. When, at 1:53, our ride pulls up I give him a hero's greeting. I also give him a Bible.

So, lets do some math. 1 hour after accident + 1 hour waiting on the ride from the house, to work + 2 hours waiting on ride home.

It's enough to make me gibber. I think I had a really good attitude, no complaining, and I did finish my project.

I ate my dinner early, when we got home, and took my lithium. If I need more later, I'll take it.

I was never so happy to see the house in my life... as when we pulled up today at 2-something PM.

[Houston Heather]

Another fascinating day. I brought several English Language New Testaments (ESV version), and handed them all out.

First we got to Starbucks, and they left Ron there for almost 2 hours. He enjoyed the pastries, and finally left.

Then I got some soda at the gas station and headed off on my outings. I was walking along the sidewalk, on [busy street]. A guy in a blue pickup comes out of a parking lot, veering into oncoming traffic. I am on alert. He overcorrects and comes up ONTO MY CURB, but I had jumped out of the way. I get a big dose of a stupid, boozy grin as "Cowboy" roars off down the street.

"911, what's your emergency?"
I was almost run over by a drunk driver.
"Where?" I tell her.
I give her the car info, and a description of the driver.
The investigating officer calls me back, disappointed to hear I was not following him, until I told him I'm a pedestrian!

But wait... I get to my connecting bus stop and a guy is in the bus shelter smoking pot with a woman. They are haggling over price. I'm just sitting there, on the bench... doing my crocheting (afghan for "Auntie P"), when all of a sudden a hubcab flies off a car, almost hits the bus shelter, richochets, and is hit by several cars. The potheads move out of the shelter and I don't watch them.

One bus comes and the customer gets on. The dealer leaves. Eventually I catch my bus. I get off at my bus stop and start walking.

I get to the used bookstore, and go inside. I find an interesting touristy book for $5 - on New Orleans. Good for our trip. I also find an old hymnal. I like to read the hymns as poetry sometimes, so I was happy to pay the $4.

I get to the register. Now, when I left the house, I had $48. I counted it.

When I get to the register, I have $65 (I had bought some soda). Wow! God did a regeneration on my pocket! Pretty cool!

I want to tell everyone, but I don't. I do call Ron, who laughs happily for me. I talk to my aunt. I brought a knitting book with me.

Legally, I am entitled to make one copy of a knitting pattern for my own, personal use. It took me a few minutes to figure out the copier at the office supply store... but I do. I copy off the patterns I want, instead of a big heavy book, I have a plastic folder with about 10. Legally, that's all I can do. I couldn't mail anyone copies, for instance. I already cracked the spine working on Ron's mitten, so I'm really happy I've "compacted" it.

Only a few dollars lighter, I'm off to the Christian book store. I got several very interesting biographies, a nice little New Testament (only $1 each for all of this), a couple more copies of an interesting book on spiritual warfare, and... this one takes a little explaining.

I have been feeling a need, for a Giant Print Bible. They are giant Bibles. But someone needs it and they are coming into my life. I have been keeping an eye out, but the cheapest I could find was $10 at a deep discount.

Today, at the bookstore, on the $2.50 rack, I found a Giant Print Bible. NIV. Looks great. Huge letters, like this.

I called my aunt. I didn't get the vibe I was supposed to carry it around, like I do the English and Spanish Bibles.. and the French one. "Call Auntie P" I felt. OK. I asked her "Do you know anyone..." She wasn't sure. I felt a definite "poking" in a certain direction. "What about your in-laws?" "Good question, Heather, I'll check!"

Then I got to wait at the bus stop "DON'T give him a Bible" with the scary guy who just got out of prison... and the mother with 2 toddlers. I had a bag of candy in my bag, which I offered her. The kids had a great time munching it up as they waited.

I got my connector bus home, just in time to listen to the manic passenger raving about how he built all of Houston without a computer...

1. Manic
2. Grandiosity

YIKE! After he got off, I felt like the driver could use a Bible. She said "Thank you!"

"Here's something for you to read, on your break" is a good intro.

[Houston Heather]

Having a very bad day.

Depressed, not hugely but enough to be miserable. Took my lithium, now I'm just STUPID in addition to depressed.

Ron's like "We'll do the accounting when you're feeling better." I told him that will never happen, I am cursed with stupidity as a side effect of my medication.

You have no idea how many typos I've corrected so far. My Internet settings are ALL messed up... very annoying. Let me say, I hate tabbed browsing. I hate walking around stupid all the time, and Ron going on about "What's wrong?" or making little "jokes" - which he thinks will cheer me up but NEVER do.

I give everything and just asked to give more and more, held up to the "normal" standard because I am cursed with "seeming so normal, surely NOTHING is wrong." Even my own father asked me why I don't drive...

Ron complaining because I didn't mow the yard. I can only give my best. I am free, unlike a yard service. "When are you going to make the tuna salad? When are you going to..."

Just a horrible day. I will help Ron with his stuff, and then go to bed.

"What do you want to do tomorrow, Heather?" I don't know! I can't THINK!

[Houston Heather]

Feeling a little better, but feeling like some days are just a massive battle. It is tiring.

Trying to focus on happy thoughts: shopping list for after I get paid. Making new curtains (I am liking the blue), decorating the vending machines for Christmas (will do the weekend after Thanksgiving).

[Houston Heather]

An extra lithium, and a good long nap with Mr Bubba-cat, me piled under several blankets, made it all better.

Then I got up and worked on a shopping list, and a Christmas afghan I am making. Eventually I will do some laundry and dishes but the theme of the day is "fun things".

[Houston Heather]

Ugh. Extra lithium, extra NAUSEA. I did get dinner, and dinner's lithium, down the hatch. Did some fun stuff like knitting and crocheting, put together some giveaways for a thrift store.

[Houston Heather]

Pretty awful dreams all night, tired but actually wanted to get away from them. Got up, went to work. Pretty miserable. Had a good talk with someone, I wasn't a good little worker bee but I needed to hear it.

He quoted the Bible at me, the section where Paul is telling people "Think about good things, whatever is true, pure, holy, etc.". I have a TERRIBLE tendency to brood, and I tend to learn at the end of a 2x4 , so he had to repeat it a few times. I made sure to hug him and thank him for his "good advice".

About this time, there's an incident that results in 2000 quarters on the floor. Thank God it happened when it was quiet. Some people tend to get "Popeyes" at work when they see any quantity of change, little realizing 1. It's takes several coins to make a dollar and 2. We only get to keep about 15% of what they see. All they see is a large amount of "Money" and they start making comments like "Give me some of that".

I told one guy as I held a coffee can of nickels: "This is nickels, my pay for 2 weeks. I bet if we put your paycheck into change, it would be enough quarters to fill up a wheelbarrow!" He agreed.

Anyway, I ended up lying on my belly, under a vending machine, getting them all out. I did state what I was doing, LOUDLY, several times so Ron didn't step on me. Afterward, I got up and dusted off and was fine.

About then it's pickup time. We got a nice scenic tour of all the medical facilities in our area, dropping off and picking up. I tell ya, I've already been vaccinated - that woman passenger on the van this morning was obviously ill. She was describing classic cold symptoms, insisting they were "allergies". EEK. Anyway, happy thoughts... we got to Burger King and there was Chuck.

We had lunch with Chuck, Ron ran an errand, and then he brought us home. Chuck has a couple of weeks off and I plan to hang with him some while he's got the time. Spending time with people who care - a good thing regardless of my mood.

I am done with one book - it was a biography, had a horrible, depressing ending. I don't think my martyrs for the faith biography is a real mood treat, either. I mean, if I die handing out a Bible, cool. I do not fear death! But reading all the stories is kind of a downer.

Happy thoughts! See how easy it is for me to brood!

[Snowman]

Oh Heather, don't be mad at me, but I got a chuckle when you described yourself laying on the flooring picking up coins!

What color is the blue you are going to use for your new curtains? I made the last ones in my bathroom, 18 years ago. I "might" make new ones again but my machine is broke and I really have no interest in sewing now! LOL

[Houston Heather]

Oh, it's a nice medium wedgewood. $2 a yard, broadcloth. I plan to get a few yards of red, hem it, and drape it over the rod and down the middle. Like this, but longer on the sides:



Main color is this:

With this as the accent:


Which was actually YOUR idea, I like it a lot.

It was funny, Snow... me flat on my belly, reaching under the machine, getting a broom to help. It was nice to be able to get up again. A couple years ago, none of that would have happened!

[Houston Heather]

Ron woke up, wanting to know why I locked the cat in his room. I didn't.

Apparently, the cat brought SOMETHING home, it escaped behind the kitty condo. Now it's making clawing/scraping noises. God only knows what it is. I put a trap out.

NOT happy with Mr Kitty right now.

[Houston Heather]

EWWWWWW. It's a mouse. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I feel sorry for it, but it HAS to go. Lucky for mousie I have a humane trap.

UGH. Then Ron's all, Oh, we need to do the bookwork. HE's been asleep all day, I already took my lithium. Ugh.

[Snowman]

LOVE THEM, very good taste Heather!! I LOVE the fishtail swag! Don't have any in my house....yet! I have all swag type with blinds for night. I love light and have my blinds alllllll the way up during the day!

Let me attempt to post a picture of the curtains I'm ordering (when I get around to it) for the master bath. You might have to copy and paste the link, let me know if it works for you!

Country Style Curtains

I like the Savannah Curtains, just afraid they are going to be a dark red and I like the country red better. I will get the valance & tier, gotta have privacy in the bathroom as the window is in the front of the house. I do have a blind, but feel like I need the tier too!

Good luck with the mouse! Lucky mouse he's in your house and not mine, I wouldn't feel sorry for it!!

[Houston Heather]

Very cute curtains, Snow!

Mr Mouse was in the wall, and got out somehow... into the outdoors.

Ron has mentioned that the cat (aka "Master") has been getting up on Ron's bed (if we're home, he's in bed), and making a very obvious production of scratching. I finally put on the Advantix today - the poison that makes anything sucking on the cat's blood, die. Good stuff. It worked great on Frosty's ear mites. Frosty was such a GOOD boy about his medicine. He would just hunch down until I finished, and then I'd pat him on his back and say "OK" as he finished his tuna. Today I had to battle 15 pounds of writhing, angry cat. I'd attempted to distract him with the "Tender Beef" cat food, but he was very unhappy. He caused me to lose my balance, and fall over into a broom, which fell down. Bubba REALLY didn't like that!

I'm fine. Indignant kitty went outside after eating more Tender Beef. I was glad I did it. Two hands were needed, one to hold Bubby down, the other to squeeze out the tube onto the back of his neck.

I'm going to see if Ron might pay me early today, if not I'll get an advance. I plan to get the curtain supplies tomorrow on my Day Out. I am also "out" of Bibles today once I drop some off... somewhere. Hopefully God will send the ones I ordered last week, set it up to arrive today.

I never run out of Bibles for long.

I have Polly's Christmas Afghan (almost done!), and a few other knitting things in the works. I managed to repair the big moth hole in my first pair of fingerless gloves - a mixture of wool and alpaca yarn I got on clearance! I had some similar looking wool yarn, and you can see it's "different" but the hole's closed and it doesn't look too "patchy". I only use them for myself, at work mainly, so I don't mind a repair.

I'm also playing with another pair of fingerless gloves/mittens maybe; that wool shawl, and the afghan. I also have a couple of smaller projects going, too.

Staying busy is a good remedy for depression.

[Houston Heather]

Ron figured out those horrible clawing noises were Bubba! Thank God!

Today was a bit challenging. Ron claimed to have slept well, but he kept taking offense at everything I said and shouting at me to LEAVE ME ALONE! So I did.

He would start me on one job, then ask for help with something else. I'd tell him "Still working on the first job, do you want me to stop and do #2, or continue with #1?" A lot of that "Oh,God!" eye rolling and all when I would explain.

I don't know WHAT was in his head. He said I sounded angry, but if I did, why did someone else at work spend a great deal of time confiding his problems? And the confider is the kind of guy who would say something if I sounded off.

I don't know - and I'm not going to try to figure it out. I did need more clarification on some things today because I had increased my medication. I have a little more trouble with my processing when I do that. I get, essentially, a little dumber. I accept that - I have to. No choice!

Anyway, I was able to listen to my friend, give him some advice, and offer to help him out if he wants a hand. I would not have felt comfortable talking to him for so long "normally" - but every time I went out to offer Ron help he screamed at me to leave him alone. I did.

Maybe God set it up that way so I COULD talk to my friend, without Ron getting upset. I don't know.

I decided, about an hour to later, to act AS IF Ron is that Messed UP. That his brain damage just has him irrational some days, and he can't help it. What if it's true? I had people demanding performance I couldn't give, and making me feel like crap, punishing me, or outright abusing me for "failing to live up to expectations".

I would rather choose to view Ron with compassion and empathy, than allow bitterness to start growing in my heart - comparing him to OTHER husbands, like the nice Spanish fellow who sent me a text message by mistake - it was a lovely love poem. To the guys I see leaving the grocery store with flowers. To the guys picking out cards.

I have just chosen to tell myself that he is unable to relate on a basic level, due to the head injury. If nothing else, it gives me a little peace. I don't have to wish and wonder - I just tell myself that's how it is.

When he's irrational and emotional, I tell myself it's the injury talking, not my husband. My husband is a pretty nice guy. This isn't HIM. He has probably done the same for me on many occasions!

Anyway, I was able to forgive him. I feel SORRY for him when he's like that. One day God will show him how he acted... I wouldn't want to be in his shoes.

We got a good pickup and Ron was complaining because it was a straight trip. He doesn't like to spend very long at the bank. The ding-ding-ding of the ATM bank just drives him BONKERS.

I know there is a major restaurant chain pretty near the bank. I asked Ron where he'd rather wait - at a restaurant with food, drink, and music, or the bank? He said the restaurant. The driver dropped us there. I got Ron seated, read him the menu, and made sure the waitress took his order.

Ron insisted I get something, I wasn't very hungry so I ordered a side of bacon. Then I left, did the deposit, and came back. Ron was happily demolishing an omlette and his mood was better.

We spent our time waiting comfortably at the restaurant. I had gotten an advance out of the vending machines, so I can have fun tomorrow.

We got our ride home. The cab driver had gone nuts sprinkling cologne in the cab - when I got home Bubba walked up to me, sneezed, and left! Good commentary!

Now I'm off to mow the yard, as much as I can in the next hour and a half.

[Houston Heather]

I got the yard mowed. The collards in my garden are scary huge. My geraniums look great (I like to grow the scented kind). The mosquitoes were terrible, but my bug spray worked. I also took out the trash.

Ron just lay in bed the whole time I mowed. I would have LIKED a soda, but got one myself.

Anyway, I'm thinking pork chop. I have some delicious nearly boneless ones I cooked and froze. I'll eat one for dinner with some cut up cheese and pumpkin pudding.

I need to take a shower and wash the clothes I wore - the bug spray should come off tonight.

[Houston Heather]

A lot of times, I have the mental attitude that it's "hard" "difficult" or "expensive" to take care of myself - to do the nice little things that make me smile. If someone in my immediate life is going to give me little kindnesses, it has to be me.

I'm not trying to elicit pity or feel sorry for myself, I know that God has given me this marriage to make me grow. I have to be kind to myself, I have to reach out at others, because I won't necessarily get that from him. He thinks, I pay the bills. I'm "nice" to her. We go out to eat on a regular basis. I clean up my messes. I don't wake her up at night or complain about the incense. What else would she want?

So, tonight I basically played a little game with myself as Ron snored away. How many nice things could I do for myself? I fixed a good dinner (all I felt like eating was cheese and pork chop - I get plenty of veggies in pumpkin pudding); I made myself 2 pots of tea - one chai, one decaf; I turned on my satellite radio Christian music; I gave the pork chop bone to my cat and laughed at his antics; I took a shower with some nice shower gel I never opened, then thought "I want a nice hot bath". I didn't have any bubble bath, so I got some epsom salts (good for the garden), put a cup or so in the tub, and rummaged up the orange essential oil I bought years ago. I put a few drops in the tub and then lit my favorite rose incense, bringing that in the bathroom. I read a really good book while I marinated, enjoyed the orange and rose fragrance (orange oil is an antidepressant, according to aromatherapy all citrus oils are good for that). I drank my tea, listened to my music, and got out feeling wonderful.

Then I fell over the shower chair and realized I was in my medication happy place. People always freak when they see me tripping over things, but I find it a very positive sign. Would I rather have a bruise, or be depressed? Easy.

The whole thing cost me maybe $1.50. Time well spent.

I got some good insights from the book I read - I'm glad I got it. It's an autobiography of George Muller. He lived in the 1800's.

Off to do my Bible Study while I can still think!

[Houston Heather]

Slept great, woke up at 6. Thought about getting up, decided to "sleep in". Woke up again around 7:40. No headache, no wierd dreams.

I decided to go after George Muller's biography with a highlighter pen. This is the only time I've ever done this, in decades of reading biographies.

I killed my blue backpack - the strap is pulling out and is unreliable. I would rather not carry it than, God forbid, be walking across (busy street) and have the thing fall apart on me! Can you imagine the chaos? Old backpack is relegated to the closet until I yank out the remaining things, but I carried a attache-type tote today.

It worked well. I had it pretty stuffed and it behaved itself.

I left the house, doused in bug spray. I had a sausage patty for breakfast. Did my morning Bible Study. Did my "other" study at the bus stop.

I have seen "something is trying to dig it's way out" holes under the edge of an old fence. Today I heard very fierce barking as I walked by. On my way home, I noticed the fence is actually leaning outward. A couple good jumps from the dog and it's gonna give.

So, I have chosen to re-route and walk on the other side of the street.

When I left the house, I only had 2 English New Testaments. I had 3 Spanish ones and various "Evangelio"s (evangelio means Gospel - Like Gospel of John. That's what they are, Gospels of John, I have both languages, but find it easier to think of them as my Evangelios.

I went to the gas station, when I walk from the house I have to take 3 buses. Between one route and another, lies a gas station. They have good deals. Oddly, they are very eager for Bibles. They always take them with eagerness! Very inspiring for me.

So, I walked in and only had the 2. I had to ask where the lotto thing was - because I've never used it before. I found it and did the tickets Ron wanted. Who knows?

I had a feeling, I ought to offer the Bible, but I was thinking, I've given everyone here a Bible, Lord, if you want me to give the last ones out, you'll have to make it obvious.

"Boy, you got a lot of stuff" says the cashier. "What are those books in your bag?"

[make it OBVIOUS! ]

"I hand out Bibles, would you like one?" Oh, thank you! She cradles it in her hands. Co worker comes up. "What you got?" She gave me a Bible! She looks at me eagerly, and I hand her the last one.

OK, Lord. They almost had a party there. Obviously you WANTED them to get 'em!

I head off to the bus stop, and God blesses me with a bus that's just late enough for me to catch - normally I have to wait half an hour there, but God decided I'd wait about 3 minutes.

In the course of my day, I hand out all the Spanish ones, too. Coming home, empty, just the way I like it.

I did feel led to buy a nice NIV Bible, and bring it home. It was on clearance, brand new, only $2.50. Then God puts it in my head "Give it the UPS man, who will be bringing your new Bibles!" I set it up accordingly, wrapped it up, note on the door. "UPS please take this present!"

I hope someone might get inspired by some of these ideas.

I walk a ways, and catch the third bus. No drunks try to run me down, thank God. I had a long enough wait at the third bus stop to read several chapters out of my Bible. I read recently, and agree completely, you really can't get too much Bible. Good stuff in there! {I say that occasionally when handing them out}

I'm riding down "Main street", and realize I'm getting hungry.

BTW, COMPLETELY forgot to get the curtain supplies today. Oh, well... do it this weekend.

So, I had been looking at "Delicious Chinese with no msg" takeout menu last night, and realizing it's about the same cost, to get a nice lunch there, or go to McD.

I decided to go to the Chinese place. My secret - string bean pork. That's all it is. String beans, pork, and garlic in a wok. I had iced tea, and egg drop soup - it's such a happy shade of yellow! It was delicious and I felt completely spoiled. I left a good tip, too. I wished I had a Bible for her.

Then, off to excellent thrift store! A little bit of a walk but not bad. I found a GORGEOUS angora lace sweater, so romantic and toasty, for TWO DOLLARS! I also found a few books, and yet more Christian nonfiction books on tape, regarding building up your spiritual life. I have found one almost every week. I buy them and give them to Ron. Ron reads then and occasionally talks about them.

Today's find was Discovering your Spiritual Gifts. Ron is an evangelist, like me. I am also an encourager. Hard to believe , and I have the gift of mercy (Ron said that, not me.)

So, I stuffed them all in "totey" the bag, and went off to the bus stop.

Since I have the giant print Bible (my aunt's mother in law's sister has requested one! :laugh), I wanted to put a tract with it. Since the recipient is saved, I wanted to give her the "Read the Bible in a Year" tract.

It was small print. So, I went to an office supply store and asked her to blow it up for me! She did a FANTASTIC job, is is very readable and "I didn't cut off any numbers". I didn't have a Bible, but I gave her the tract. She was very grateful.

I am also CALLING her boss with a compliment.

I went to a used bookstore and got a romance novel (inspirational) and "The Case for Christ". After that, the Christian bookstore, where I got the UPS man Bible, some cute Bible verse stickers (to put on the I'm praying for you daily notes), and a jumbo-biography I could use as a bookstop! Probably something else I'm forgetting.

I also got some more incense.

Then I took the three buses to get home, and walked on the safe side of the street! No mail, but I remain hopeful about UPS and my 2 cases of Bibles.