Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[skeopple]

Heather my friend. I know God will deal with Ron. I'm wondering how the rest of your evening went after he woke up.

Consider your woes of yesterday as the devil trying to 'tear' you apart. You won with God and that's what's most important!

Have a blessed Tuesday, Heather.


Special hugs.

[Houston Heather]

It was quiet. He apparently figured out I was home, probably saw my fannypack by the door.

He said "I'm sorry I was asleep when you called for help." I said that was understandable, but his behavior after he woke up... not acceptable. I remind him that I hardly ask him for anything and the one time I really NEEDED him, he basically told me to F-off.

He kept apologizing... said he would work to make it up to me. Hm.

I was able to laugh about a lot of it today, especially the bus driver comment about "If it ain't leaking, squeaking, or stinkin' it can ride." The Metrolift drivers loved that.

Got up, long day at work. Milk Man playing head games, left me sitting out on the dock for an hour in the heat. I was basically sitting on a stool, next to a heavy-duty metal handcart. I am chatting with a forklift driver about gardening and all of a sudden I'm flying though the air and landing on the cart. I am a little bitter about the fact that the forklift driver fussed over me more than Ron did. He just assumed I was in working condition and help me do this Heather...

I gotta work on the bitterness.

Anyway, I decided to sit on the dock rather than risk another fall. Next time I might not be so lucky - says the woman with a huge palm sized bruise on her right thigh and an incredibly stiff tailbone. My thigh hit the cart and took the brunt of the fall, then I just kind of flopped over on my right side. I think it was heat + medication. [sigh]

My mood was OK! That's a good thing. I gave Leroy his eggplant, that was a hit. And the guy I gave some mints to said they are thriving. I made my drivers laugh and spoiled my customers rotten. I was a very productive employee and did quite a bit to make the business productive.

Ron is making a trip to Walmart, he will come home and I will take a cab home with my things. That'll work. He's paying for the cab (!!). Not bitter, not bitter. I don't like bitter people.

We went out to lunch (he's not a monster). I had a large chef salad, and came home. I took a nice nap, and went out and spent some time with the plants. The lime balm appears to be dead. That's discouraging, especially since I was very fond of it. Frosty, one of his last acts in the garden, was urinating on the plant right after I planted it. I screamed at him and he looked at me like "What?" and walked off, acting regal. Until I got him with the hose! I didn't know he could run that fast!

I have another, similar plant in the Frosty garden out front and it's doing great. It's mostly shade and pretty healthy. I also have 3 mints, a jasmine, and a violet out there. They're all fine. The mint is doing it's minty thing and spreading, but that's the idea. I want everyone who walks by to brush up against the mint and smell it. And mint can take a little abuse if someone steps on it by accident.

A very discouraging day in many regards, but not a bad one. My mood is fantastic considering, a little gloomy, but not mixed, manic, or depressed.

[Houston Heather]

He "forgot" to call in the trip, so I have to take three buses. He did give me enough cab fare to get home. Counting my blessings.

I wanted to go to Home Depot first anyway. Bubba brought me a lovely live lizard to cheer me up.

I am very proud of myself, I am eating exactly the right things. Tonight I had pumpkin pudding and sharp cheddar cheese. Delicious. And I get paid on Thursday - you can be sure of that! After I get paid, Foodtown. I need more cheese. And canned pumpkin and unsalted butter....

Oh, bank account is still an unresolved mess. AGH.

[skeopple]

I'm glad you weren't alone when you keeled over. Arnica for your bruises!

I'm eating the right things too, Heather. Portion control feels good. See ya tomorrow.

[Houston Heather]

Yesterday I noticed a blood blister on the back of a thigh. Hm. Not cool.

Today I woke up scratching my legs! I think I'm allergic to the arnica! Now my legs are covered in a few small blood blisters, and horribly itchy welts!



I tried to get some sympathy from Ron, but he had watched a program on "natural bug control" and was more interested in telling me how to eliminate spiders (fine in the garden, in my book), and wasps (the mud dauber, or red wasp, eats bad guys in the garden). AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. Now he won't shut up.

Not what I was hoping for when I wanted attention from him.

I am going to drink a protein shake and take my pills. I am going to take a shower. I am going to wear something comfy that covers the rash. Then I am going to have a day out and enjoy it if it kills me.

Even though Ron just told me we "have" to do some accounting stuff when I get home. I'm going to have a good day. I'm going to have a good day.

I'm going to have a good day.

[skeopple]

Try topical Benedryl for the hive/rash. Walmart might have generic too?
Have a great and fun day, out and about. You've earned it.

[Houston Heather]

I figured out the rash in an iffy public bathroom - it's my little lysol. I spray it on iffy toilets and then sit down. The area matches. While it itched, I didn't walk around all day scratching at my butt! So I got a little spray bottle and some rubbing alcohol. The alcohol made the rash feel better at home, so I know it won't freak out my skin.

I was running pretty depressed, not much fun until about 3. I went to the gas station, out of my iced tea. I got diet coke and a couple of bottles. They were good. I caught the one bus, then the other.

I realized at some point I had forgotten to bring my contractor trash bags, but realized I could get some kind of tarp at the dollar store. I wanted something I could lay down in the cab, before putting in the bags of (essentially) dirt. Most cab drivers are very proud of their office and want to keep it nice. So do I.

I got off and looked in the office supply store, didn't see anything interesting. I went to the craft store, big markup! I went to the dollar store, and found a nice tarp, a tube of hydrocortisone cream, and some scissors Ron (we really shouldn't play with box cutters at work!) had requested. Total cost $3.25.

I was not in a happy place so I went to Starbucks, got a heavy whipping cream thing, and slammed it down with a lithium tab. TAKE THAT! HYAH! It worked as it always does.

I went to Home Depot. They had the little pots I was going to buy online (Ron "We used to use those to start pot plants". ) for a better price, so I got over 100. I got the parts Ron needed to fix the gate, too. I need to give those to him.

I walked over to Walmart... got a tad dizzy. Lithium and heat and not enough "soda pop". I fixed that.

I decided to do Ron's shopping first, and got the TV dinner and cat treats. He was down to about a tablespoon of cat treats, and the cat is completely addicted. He begged me repeatedly to put them in the cart so I wouldn't forget. Since he was begging I didn't get offended.

I got Ron 4 TV dinners and 3 cat treats. Yum, yum. I got 12 bottles of diet Dr, a bottle of Diet Rite (for tonight), and the little spray bottle and bottle of rubbing alcohol (cheaper than the lysol).

I decided I "could" eat, and recalling a thread by another poster (I was eating like I weighed a lot more than I did), I got ONE double cheeseburger, no bun, and a bucket of diet coke with a straw. It satisfied me, so good call. I think I may only need one now.

Then it was GARDEN TIME! I headed over to the garden center. Of course they had the compost and organic potting soil (potting soil's for the biz). I bought it. I had a little money left. I called a cab and it probably came within 5 minutes.

I was really happy to see the cab, and he was delighted to see the drop cloth. Turns out he is a gardener too and he talked a lot about his guava trees. "Back home" he was a farmer, he told me. We talked about how to cultivate a guava tree. Interesting! He remembered us from last year, when Ron was so sick.

Then we were home and he unloaded ALL the dirt. What a nice man! I gave him an $8 tip. He was worth it.

I moved it all to the back and even though stormclouds were moving in, I gave the squash a drink (it was a little wilty). I was working on something else and managed to rip a chunk of skin off my finger, about half the size of a dime! It doesn't hurt but I need to watch it and make sure it doesn't get infected. It's just a big scrape, basically. My hands were pretty filthy at the time, so I'll watch it. I already got out the peroxide.

I'll also need to wear a bandage on it tomorrow at work. That would just be beyond yuck if I didn't!

I still had a good day. So there. I wish it would start raining, we need it!

[Houston Heather]

Very itchy; I took some benadryl.

Since I had THREE lithium tablets total today, and a big dinner (sausage and cheese, yum!), I'm going to bed. Because I can. And that way I can sleep 11 hours if I want. I won't, but it'll be fun to try.

The dirty dishes will just have to sit in the sink for another day.

[skeopple]

You're doing great in all regards, Heather. Good for you. Are your size 10s getting baggy yet? he he.....Yup, the dirty dishes will not go anywhere.
Sleep well.

[Houston Heather]

Not yet, but they aren't tight either!

Up all night with miserable itching. I think I may be allergic to my laundry detergent. It is always terrible in bed at night, not so bad during the day. I did have a dream that the bank fixed the problem and I got $4. I also realized I cut my index finger yesterday, it was hurting last night and I finally looked at it this morning. It's a pretty good gash, doesn't need stitches.

We went to Sam's club, I bought loads of candy for the business. I also got a 50 count case of chips.

I have to lead/prop Ron up when we walk unless it is a level sidewalk that he knows very, very well - and isn't very long. I had to lead him to the cab, and the driver put up the last items as I helped Ron. "I got it all" he said as I, believing him (remember the up all night itching?) got into the cab and put on my seatbelt. He "forgot" the chips.

When Ron found out he was furious and kept going on and on about it. I finally said, I have to wear a glove because my hand is so mashed up I'll bleed all over the merchandise if I don't, I was up all night ITCHING, I'm battling a horrible depression, but none of that matters to you because I'm here at work. You don't care how bad I am, as long as I'm not puking. So forgive me if I MESSED up. I doubt the circumstances will repeat themselves! He rolled off, cursing.

One of my work buddies came over after hearing the end of that. How are things, Heather? I really don't want to talk about it. You know how that cable channel does "Disaster Week?" I'm having it. Ron and the cat are OK but I really can't say anything else. Pushing at me to talk. I finally said I'm having fantasies of just running away, Ron is completely unappreciative of everything I do...OH, Ron's not that bad. Yeah, fine, you marry him I said.

Horrible depression. I finally told God, I need some good news.

I put away all hundreds of candy bars without eating any. I did cookies, without eating any. Same with potato chips and sodas. We had a huge mess in the stockroom, sticky orange soda leaked all over the floor. No floor cleaner... lousy mop. I put my bandaged hand in an food handler latex glove and wrung out the mop by hand. The floor did look lovely when I finished, I improvised using a first wash of dish soap water, and then plain rinse water. All done for the day, time to go.

One driver wanted to complain about "dirty clients" and she just made my skin crawl. Yes, I want to hear about bad hygeine when I am on my way to EAT. Thank you!

We ate. The meal went fine.

Came home. Watered the plants. They all looked a lot happier when I finished.

Took a benadryl, slathered on some cream, took a nap. The ringing phone woke me up.

It was the lady from Urban Harvest, the Farmer's Market coordinator. I'm in. Yay. I tried to call Ron, no response, figured.

Somehow I knew I'd get my money back today, and I did. $10.83 back in my account where it belongs. Thank you!

When I heard Ron getting out of the cab, I just felt a sense of dread. I really think I have more fun when he isn't around.

He interrupted me several times and said he was sorry I was sad. Why was I sad? He gets all bent if I'm more depressed than he is. He wanted to know why I was angry, was it the FAS? I said, FAS has nothing to do with my mood. He is always telling customer service phone reps that I can't help him with "fixes" because I'm "bipolar". I alluded to that and said that is not correct. I can't help you because I have brain damage! Just say it! He is always hemming and hawing, she can't drive, but she could! No, she can't.

Today he told the driver I was "stoned" and I said no, I took my mood stabilizer medication which doesn't get anyone high. I was furious.

The last time, he said he wanted to know what was wrong, and told me I had nothing to be upset about. INFURIATING.

I basically told him to go away and leave me alone.

Yay. Look what I found: City of Houston -- City Departments -- Health and Human Services

Hello,
My name is Heather B. I am caring for my husband, who has multiple disabilities (totally blind, partially paralyzed on one side due to stroke, head injury, peripheral nerve disease). I also help him run his business. He is 54 years old.

I have my own disabilities (bipolar disorder and fetal alcohol syndrome). It's a lot. I would be very interested in a referral to a support group. I cannot drive due to the FAS so it would have to be on a bus line, preferably in NW Houston. I live near -----
Thank you! I look forward to hearing from you!

[bjw]

Hugs and more hugs Heather.
Do you have poison oak or ivy in Houston? Your symptoms sound like what Gavin has had. You may want a doctor visit soon so you don't get a secondary infection. Remember how much yard work you have done and also your kitty could roll in it and cause you to catch poison from the oil on his coat.
Take care,
Jean

[Houston Heather]

I'll look up some photos. I think washing the sheets will help.

I do know I react to Lysol now, and a lot of drivers have icky people in their vehicles. When icky gets out, they go nuts with the Lysol. I think I'll bring a sheet or something to sit on maybe, if they say they use lysol in the cab.

I would rather sit on a sheet, than on that... and "that" happens pretty often. They call it a "Code 2".

I'm feeling a lot better, took some time to spoil myself, a little time with the plants, watching good sci-fi. I explained to Ron that I am suffering from a nasty depression + the physical issues (and the rash could be depression/stress related) and feeling very overwhelmed. He was very sympathetic which is what I've been wanting all week! I guess I got him in a good moment!

I even put on a glove and worked my way though most of mount dishmore in the sink.

[bjw]

Good Job girl,
Just be aware not to let itches get out of control. They can cause nasty issues.
Love Ya,
Jean

[Houston Heather]

It's definitely an allergy.

I have a good immune system, and a deep distrust of doctors. I'd rather have my skin fall off. Read what happened last year if you want details. I took a perfectly healthy man with a minor skin infection to the doctor, and walked out with a much older, sicker, thousands of dollars poorer, disabled man. He still can't taste his food properly.

Worst of all, the doctor never did clear up the skin infection. Heather's hot compresses and herbal remedies did a better job.

I think 90% of the "YOU HAVE TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR" stuff will clear up on it's own with a little common sense and TLC.

[skeopple]

Hugs and prayers, Heather. Seriously. You are so kind and work so hard. I don't know what to say. Just want to let you know how much I care and how highly I regard you as a person of worth!! Do the good days still make up for the bad days?
Blessings.....
........and.......
......Hugs.

[Houston Heather]

Yeah, when I'm not depressed. It's just hard to see him with a can of beer in his hand, asking me if the tablet in his hand is Tylenol, and I know that's a horrible combination and I've told him so many times!

My dollar store itch cream and vitamin C (tons of powder in ice water) seems to be helping a bit. I gotta see if my sheets are dry so I can put them on the bed.

An old fling of Ron's found us on Facebook. I thought it was funny to see how long it took him to remember her.

He said something very sweet, that he would always respect me and our marriage by recalling all the sacrifices I'd made for him. That I kept him and loved him when everyone else had given up, and he could never repay that.

Later, he also said he liked shopping with me, and I said that was a good thing because my love language is "Quality time".

So, I'll push him in the sit & shop and we'll get our junk together. It's fun.

[skeopple]

nighty night for me now.

[Houston Heather]

Overall, a good day.

Went to work. I have cut out the Lexapro for a few days and my mood is better, if anything. Huh. Lithium, the mood stabilizer - I'll never stop. You'll find me with lithium at my autopsy!

We went to work, got paid. Sales are up a bit. Yay!

Good ride to work, bank, and walmart. We had enough time to take care of most of our business.

While waiting, I saw several other clients shopping. Ron and I got out stuff, I had him in the wheelchair. I said "This makes me happy, quality time" and he said he enjoyed shopping with me. We both meant it. He wanted junk food, I wanted a few supplies for the business. Also unscented laundry detergent and unscented soap, which does not exist as far as I can tell. Not even in the Baby section!

We had enough time to get something to eat (shrimp fom the deli for Ron). It made me incredibly happy to see the deli guy using a meat thermometer to check the temps. That's what I'm talking about.

I have yet to see anyone do that at a buffet restaurant! I knew the food we bought wouldn't get us.

They rang me up for my "bunless" at the McDonald's and we waited on our ride. People got dropped. People got picked up. None of it for us.

[short break to move plants from an east facing window to a west-facing, plus bathroom break]

A van pulls up, one of the large vans with the wheelchair lift on the side. We ask, she's not for us, she says, she is here for "Jewel".

I tell the driver I'll look, and she thanks me. I poke my head in the door, no Jewel. The greeter says she'll have the woman paged. Thanks!

Ron and I determine that it is our van. In the meantine, Jewel comes out after a few minutes. Very agitated. Very DEMANDING.

I realize 2 things, 1. Nothing will ever make this woman happy except spreading misery and 2. The last time we rode with her, she screamed at the driver because he said "Hello" instead of "Good morning" to her. She railed at him for 20 minutes until he was almost in tears. After she got off, we called in a compliment in front of the driver.

I determine it is our van, the driver verifies this, and Jewel is shouting and pitching fits because the driver isn't paying her attention. I start loading up our stuff (in my own reusable bags, because I always figure another client may shop at the same store. I once almost lost $20 of meat because a client's son picked up my bag "by mistake".). Jewel begins screaming at me. "It's not your ride! It's not your ride!" I told her, the driver said it is, please stay out of my business.

"Who are you?" this woman is incredibly intrusive and rude. I ignored her. She continues to get in my business. I turn on my MP3 player and turn up the volume. She's shouting at me but I can't hear her.

I get on with my last bag to hear Ron replying "She's my wife". I sit down. She continues to shout at me, I continue to ignore her. Fortunately, it was a straight trip for her.

As we leave, we all breathe a huge sigh of relief and I tell the driver "They don't pay you enough!" (implied, to put up with people like her). We all laugh. I talk to the other client, a very nice lady.

Ron asks me if she was manic, and I say definitely. I take another lithium, one to help me calm down and two because I am terrified anyone would ever think of me the way I think of Jewel. I just dread the thought of ever seeing her again.

When I was unmedicated, I know people felt that way about me, that's why I suck up huge hand sized bruises and clumsiness and glue-brain side effects, because it's my price tag to "normal".

When we got home, we gave the driver a drink, and I told Ron to call in a compliment or I would. No pressure. We agreed not to discuss it. Why carry a negative person around with us?

I know she was calling me names, "rude" being the nicest of it, but the way I see it she was determined not to like me anyway. What did I lose by ignoring her?

Not much... oh. Aggravation. That's what I lost. I had a good time enjoying my tunes.

[skeopple]

You guys sure have a lot of patience with your transportaton and the people that ride!

I'm glad you had a fun day!

[Houston Heather]

I forgot to tell you the BEST part of the day.

Ugh, I'm still shuddering over this one.

Imagine a younger Heather, undiagnosed. I don't even know I have Fetal Alcohol, all I know is that I never "measure" up to "normal" and driving is an impossibility.

I had been itching () to move to Houston for about 6 years. I nagged and begged Ron to move, but he was scared. Back then, 90% of blind people who wanted to work were unemployed. I could tell you stories of job interviews... lot fo idiots out there.

In creepy retrospect, one lady wouldn't hire him because she was convinced Ron would be hit by a car on the way to work. !!!!

I finally turned it over to God, like I should have done all along, and said "I'll do my best to be happy wherever you plant me, Lord, but if it's Your will for us to move to Houston you'll have to move on Ron. I can't do it, but you can."

4 months later, we were moving to Texas. Ron was FED UP with the agency where he worked, the blind vendor program wanted him, and I had a job offer at the Center for The Disabled. They help people with disabilities live independent lives. That may involve some advocacy, a support group, information about applying for benefits or back to work social security rules, or even just a list of low income wheelchair accessible apartments.

At my old job, I had done 90% of the accounting (both books and computer) and quite a bit of the information and referral. Someone would call asking for information on where to get a rental wheelchair, and I'd give it to them. We had a database.

When I got to the Houston Center, they asked me what I did at my old job, and both the book-keeper ( I asked if they used the cash or accrual method and she DIDN'T KNOW! AND THEY PAID HER LOTS! I was one class short of a 2 year accounting degree; she had no training), and the Information and Referral person (database? I just have a book) were pretty intimidated by me. I wasn't out for their jobs, I was supposed to be the secretary. I could have done either job, though. Better.

The director used this 10 year old program that ran on DOS. She refused to upgrade to even a point and click type system. "I don't like change and I don't like learning new things." She wasn't kidding.

As I was introduced around, a lot of general amusement and inside joke kind of a feel. I found out later they have a running bet, how long the new secretary will last. The director is that bad.

They had 2 guys who used wheelchairs. One was middle aged, a really nice guy. The other guy was about my age and also very nice. He had a service dog, which the director hated.

You can't tell a person to lock up their service dog during a staff meeting! Especially since puppy was very well behaved.

Anyway, she would blow up at people, screaming, kind of like that woman I rode with today, actually. Very similar, just lived to spread misery. She used to ask if Ron and I "had plans" after work, then she'd tell me I had to work overtime 5 minutes before quitting time. Ron would have already left the house (and she knew this) to meet me after work and he would be standing outside in the heat for over an hour, waiting on me.

They were all horrible gossips too.

I was so desperate to get away from her I took a waitressing job making $2.13 an hour; and I was a terrible waitress. I barely made enough for us to eat... but God provided me with another job. As bad as it was, rolling silverware and cleaning up after slobs, it was still far better than working for Sandra.

Fast forward 9 years. I'm at work, counting up the money. Putting it in packs with rubber bands. I'm wearing rubber gloves to protect my hands, and also because I think it's a good idea when you handle as many $1 bills as I did today.

My phone rings. I don't know the number, but it's Houston. I pick up.

Health and Human Services is calling me back. She wants to know what I want. I tell her, a support group. I have to restate it several times. Oh, I want a bipolar group? No, I want a caregiver support group.

She kept bringing up the bipolar thing. If I wanted help for THAT I have the crisis line for Mental Health in my cell phone. Thank God I have not needed to call it in almost 3 years.

Anyway, I say, I would just like some other caregivers to talk to, someone who understands what it's like.

I get tired at times of trying to get support, and people make dismissive comments about my depressions. I get tired of feeling unappreciated. I didn't say this...

I am starting to think, whatever they are paying this woman is too much. Ron could have had me that phone number in 30 seconds when he was an information and referral specialist (kind of like 311, that was his favorite job). I am trying to keep negative thoughts to a minimum. I am also thinking, I've been put on hold several times by now and I need to get back to work. Ron has a no personal calls policy.

Beginning to regret picking up the phone. I tell her "If you can't help me that's fine, but I was just hoping there was something in my area on a bus line. If not, that's fine." I tell her about the "One day off, don't even think about him" rule we use and how much it helps.

"You should call the Center for the Disabled" she says. "They have groups" - correction. They have a head injury group for people with head injuries. I used to help sign everyone in.

"Forget it!" I snap. "If I have to go there I'd rather not get any help at all." She wants to know why, I tell her "I used to work for the director and she was horrible to me. I'll never go there again." She wants my name again, and bring up the bipolar. I swear, some ignorant people cannot get over the fact of mental illness. I am REALLY sorry I ever mentioned it. She doesn't believe I worked there. I said "Sandra was the director, is she still there?" Yes, the caseworker replies.

"Well that's it, thanks for helping." She starts freaking out. If I hang up now, without getting a REFERRAL, it's a black mark on her! I guess... anyway, she gives me a number I could have gotten off the website, and I say thank you and hang up.

I am so horrified, because I just know this woman is going to call Sandra and gossip about "Oh, you remember Ron and Heather, well she's bipolar and blah blah" UGH.

I hate having hateful people gossip about me. Hate it! I have a HORRIBLE TIME asking for help. See, when I asked for help, people always TOLD me, and I could never understand the AUDIO, so I learned it was better not to ask for help, then to say I didn't get that and have the helper get angry at me. They would say things like of course you get it, don't play games, etc. And I wasn't, I really didn't comprehend. It has only been the last couple years I have even told Ron "I don't understand" and I say it pretty often.

So, here I've put myself out there, asking for help, and gotten slapped with the specter of my former boss. I was totally wrung out and distraught.

I went looking for Ron. I told him I needed a hug. Cried a little, and he pulled me down in his lap (he uses the wheelchair at work). I told him. He was a little offended that I "needed" a caregiver group "You don't do that much!" [cough].

As I continued, he was very sympathetic. I leaned against his good shoulder and he patted my back.

I told him how awful it was to finally put myself out there asking for help, and get treated like I was no more than a label. How I was faced with the specter of my former boss. How I just wanted some understanding.

He asked me the difference between FAS and bipolar. I said, if I don't understand, it's FAS. FAS is information - I can't process some information, or I need it restated multiple times. He nodded it understanding.

If it's a mood, I continued, it's bipolar. That's it? Yeah. He laughed.

You know he is the only person who has ever BOTHERED to learn, instead of just telling me I'm not that bad?

About this time some postal workers come in on their lunch. They make cracks about putting the water hose on us. Ron, you animal. Can't you wait 'till you get home?

Ron says we're selling tickets. I tell them, you have to buy a ticket if you don't want to watch. Everyone laughs, and they head off. Ron gives me another hug and I got up.

And then, later, we rode with THAT.

I am currently rewashing every clothing item I own. I think that will help a lot with the allergy rash. A lot of clothes, though!

[karenb]

Heather - I thought of you last night when DH's cat showed up at the patio door with a dove in his mouth and wanted to bring it in! Those days are gone, no more cat door and I'm glad. Got home from the doctor this morning and found my cat had killed a blue jay and was playing with another dove. DH's cat out to play with my cat's dove. No way, that was her catch. She lost interest in it after it died, she doen't eat them just plays them to death. I think all the mayham is because I changed from a feeder the doves could get in to those cylinder ones made for finches. sparrow use them too. The doves are too big and have to eat what falls on the ground.

I had to have a nerve block this morning. Earlier this spring when cleaning up the yard I fell backwards on DH's childhood wagon. The handle was up and I fell on that. A cat scan showed a small bulging in a disc. Last time I needed one was in May. I was feeling really good a few weeks ago and cleaned out my garden shed. Loaded some plywood up on the rafters and hurt my back again. For a few days I had to use a cane.DH (and not dear husband this time). Yelled at me 'why do you keep doing things that will hurt you?" I tried to explain that it's hard not to do what you want to. At the hospital today he quoted Clint Eastwood saying a man needs to know his limitations. I asked him if Clint had any limitations. No answer. The doctor said not to pay attention to DH and do what I could! I loved my doctor but I could see DH didn't like it! I tried to nap when I got home. My aunt called to see if we had any plans for Mom's birthday in Sept. I said no so she's trying to get a flight down here. She lives near Des Moines, Iowa. Then a friend called looking for DH, I guess he'd called before DH got to work after taking me in for my shots or when DH was at work. Then DH called and said he was going to do some welding for our friend on Sunday. Did I mind? Not really he's a good friend, we have both worked with him and love him and his wife.

[lalala]

Heather,

I thought of you yesterday morning when I was crossing the street to catch a bus and there was another lady chasing the bus as well, but pulling her loaded cart of groceries behind her.

Guess what happened?

It broke right there on the sidewalk as she was running with it. She just started dying of laughter and told the bus driver to go. I felt bad for her but she obviously was used to it because it was hilarious for her

[Houston Heather]

It's not just ME! I wish I could have reacted that way.

Tomorrow I'm going to call my doctor; it looks like the Lexapro is causing this rash. Ugh. Miserably ITCHY. Cranky, too.

Karen, I notice when I'm hurting Ron always gets angry because he can't "fix" it. He's really trying hard today, though, and that means a lot.

I'm so miserable I might even take steriods if he offers them.

[Houston Heather]

Mood's fine, just really itchy and tired.

I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my account and all that. Just tired... not depression fatigue, but my body's been through a lot this week and the benadryl makes me pretty groggy.

I called my doctor. Since it isn't a true clinical emergency I left a message. I got hives, I stopped the Lexapro. My mood is fine.

Can't really argue with that. If he wants to see me I'll go in, though.

The hives on top of the bruise are pretty interesting, they take away the dark bruise pigmentation and leave white areas instead. Odd. Itchy and odd. And painful, trying to scratch a bruise.

I don't want to be a whiner, and that's all I want to do.

[Houston Heather]

Still in miserable, itchy hell. The nice thing, when I woke up this morning with new welts, I took benadryl and went back to sleep, I just now woke up.

One day I'll be better. The constant desire to scratch will not dominate my thoughts. My skin will be intact and normal looking. Oh, happy day.

[skeopple]

Heather, did the benadryl and sleep help with the itching? Try the topical also?
Have a blessed day. I'll be MIA for the afternoon.

[Houston Heather]

I slept pretty well, which is VITAL. All it takes is a couple of night's of missed sleep to make me go absolutely buggo.

I want to be pretty clear to talk to my sister today, we haven't talked in a few weeks. She is a wonderful person, very sensitive listener and empathetic. I don't deserve her.

In the meantime, I am considering playing outside for a bit. I need to eat, and then I'll need to be ready to go to Starbucks around 3.

I think I will. I'm debating if I should cover up. I think sunlight makes the hives mad.

[Houston Heather]

My sister's having surgery. She was taking Levaquin and had a tendon rupture on the back of her right knee. OUCH.

I tell you, if I weren't bipolar I'd never take prescriptions! Especially after this Lexapro horror!

[bjw]

Heather,
I know you don't like doc's....but please don't ignore this. Your skin can get a major infection.
LOVE,
Jean

[Houston Heather]

I have a call in to my doc, and if I don't see major improvement in a day or so I'll see a regular doc. In the meantime, I'm spraying it down with rubbing alcohol on a regular basis. It helps.

I just hate the treatment I get with the bipolar label. It's horrible. I am treated like whatever is wrong, is my fault, something I did in a ploy to get another fix.

UGH. I will be so glad when this is OVER.