Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

Thank you! Today is better.

I read a couple of devotionals, yesterday's were all about forgiveness and putting your burdens on God, where they belong.

I woke up feeling GOOD! The migraines take so much out of me... my aunt would say I got one because it's about to rain (probably a factor) but for now, no more sardines. Sorry, Zer.

Ron was very sweet to me at work, and made a special trip so I could bring home the coffee grounds from the vending machine (about 30 pounds of used coffee grounds). The garden loves them, AND they keep away fire ants!

AND he gave me a can of my very favorite soda, he had been hiding it for a special occasion... we're out for now.

He's a "show love by doing" and I feel a lot more appreciated.

I do recognize I have a heavy load to carry, being his caregiver and having my stuff on top of that. I just need to remember to let GOD carry the load. He's got a stronger back.

In about half an hour, we go to Walmart. I return the garden shoes that didn't work, and get my $34 back. I take THAT to the garden center and get soil amendments!

Since I didn't donate blood, I can dig up my garden bed next week. We're having a drive at work next month. I've been giving every couple months for a year now, no wonder I'm a little dry!

I think I'll put up a photo of Ron on postal vision with a note saying "Blood donors saved my life! Please donate!"

I also plan to eat a couple of bunless burgers.. to bring up my iron level.

[Houston Heather]

Lots of fun today.

Walmart didn't have the wheelchair available, so they didn't get any of my money.

Ron bought me some burgers but that was it. He went home, then I went out. I was glad he went home, I was feeling like a total "B" - very irritable, very judgemental, very get out of my face. None of it directed at Ron, but he said "Heather, when you're like this I worry someone's gonna kick your ass!" I said, "Yeah, I worry about it too!" and I meant it!

I was just itching for a confrontation... I KNEW I needed some lithium. Ugh... it's like getting my brain hijacked, and to paraphrase my dad, I had nothing nice to say.

Thank God I asked my doc for the quick-release lithium 150's. My normal dose is a 300 mg extended-release tablet, but I didn't need all that; but I needed SOME and I needed it FAST before I said something provoking and got myself beat up! I wanted to kick my own butt, I was so cranky!

I took my medicine... and it started working within 15-20 minutes. That's why I call it my quick release, even though it's just a standard coating. It's made by Roxane, same lab that makes my other pills (I sent them a fanmail).

I have tomorrow off! I have money! I'm in a decent mood! Thrift store! More of my favorite books!

I got smart and allocated some food budget money before the garden center. Garden center, I bought 2 pepper plants.

They were very lively looking in their tiny little pots, setting little peppers. I thought, I've got some room, why not?

Then I spent some time contemplating the soil amendement and mulch choices. I decided on 2 bags of composted cotton burrs (?), 3 bags of fantastic landscaper mix (mainly finely shredded bark), and a couple of bags of mulch. Total cost, almost $60 delivered... but when I got home it was all neatly stacked at the top of my driveway. All I had to do was carry it around back.

After paying, I went to Starbucks. The way the bus works either I get there way before him, or way after. I like to be early. I was.

I have a little routine now. When the driver pulls up I smile and wave, and say "Oh, boy! My mail order husband!" Then I open the door and said "Oh, looks like a good one!" Ron and the driver love it. I help Ron into the building, and we sit and have our coffee.

He made a trip for 2 to go home, so I went home when he did. The drivers like it because I'm always watching for them.

We came home, found my amendments stacked up. I did some chores out front, and saved the best for last... put up the amendments, in their little area, some weeding, watering, planted the "Corno de Toro" pepper, and picked a ripe pepper.

I am so, so, glad I did not try to eat it in the garden. Why? Because it was HOT! I took one little taste and my mouth burned for hours! Ron wanted to try it in his salad, he said it was pretty hot and he's Creole! It might be good for gumbo, come to think. It's already planted... it reminded me of a hopeful, mostly-grown puppy at the pound that hasn't given up, he still tries to act cute for everyone who comes in... but no one wants him. I'll take you, little plant.

Too hot for me? Well, I can give your peppers to the guys at work, or make some pickled peppers with just one of your guys, and mostly mild peppers. I gave it a prime spot. I don't regret it. It will be nicely decorative, I told Ron, if nothing else.

I also got a Pepperonicni (?) pepper, it is supposed to be mild but who knows? The Corno was supposed to be mild too! I told Ron, being in that little 3 inch plastic pot in the sun must have made it MEAN. Maybe it'll mellow out in my garden.

He's skeptical.

Tomorrow, Foodtown, and fun in the garden. That's it.

[Houston Heather]

Ron has been kind of cute about my iron level. It was 36, too low to donate. Low 20's is still in the normal range, normally I am in the 40's.

Anyway, he asks me "What kind of foods can you eat that are high in iron?" Yesterday, I was eating a bunless double cheeseburger at the time. "You just bought it" I replied, with my mouth full.

It looks like spinach would help. I'll get some frozen at the grocery store... next time I go. I JUST WENT this morning.

I like collards, but they have a pretty lousy iron level.

I started my cycle, the tylenol and the lithium have me pretty groggy. I looked out in the garden and saw a whole flock of birds, drinking water, pecking away at my soil, and pooping in same. Good. Bird poop = fertilizer.

I think I can see what happened to the buckwheat seed I broadcast in the garden. It was EATEN! No wonder they love my garden.

Bubba is being a good boy, hanging out at home in a window. It looks like I will have to avoid direct-seeding any plants. I'll start the seed indoors, and transplant.

Mom is massively into birdwatching. I might ask her to get me a basic squirrel proof feeder for my birthday.

I got the makings for some cheddar burgers - about 5 pounds of meat. That's a whole lotta burgers. I forgot charcoal - properly medicated - so I'll use my stash. Or I just might to back to Foodtown tomorrow, get charcoal and spinach. I don't know.

Anyway, I got a can of beer, some beef stew, and I have small homegrown onions. I plan to put a bay leaf, garlic, and some pepper in there and make a feast! There's a recipe for "Flemish Carbonade" in the Veronica Atkins cookbook.

It's light beer, the cheapest brand, and low carb. Since I have 2 pounds of meat I can make 2 batches.

I think I need to lie down... foggy.

[Houston Heather]

I took a 4 hour nap today. I hadn't been getting my 8 hours during the week, so I'm glad I caught up.

I fired up the smoker and grill, got the cheddarburgers, and BAM... it started pouring. About 2 inches in 2 hours.

So I'm out there, in the pouring rain, making cheddarburgers. They came out very well, and I have TONS in the freezer now.

I made the pumpkin pudding, only to realize I used salted butter. Ooops. It'll still be good, but I won't repeat it!

[karenb]

We got nearly and inch of rain last week! It's so much better than our tap water. DH said we'd gotten 3/4 of an inch by the rain gauge. I'd left a measuring cup out and it had 1/2 cup of rain in it. It doesn't take long for a few hot days with wind to dry things out again.

You have to watch those rat traps. I remember being in a hardware store when I was a kid and got my finger snapped by one. I didn't tell anyone until they noticed the nail was all black! I was in the kitchen one day when something made me look up and I saw a mouse, then a cat, then my DH all running straight at me. I jumped up on the counter! I didn't know what was going on but I didn't want to be in the middle of it.

Your log keeps me entertained and happy. I've started one that is labeled whose body is this?

[Houston Heather]

I'll check it out!

Today, really tired (I got tired of seeing things and upped my antipsychotic, which made me really groggy today), then really queasy! Not fun!

I did a little laundry, but other than that it was me in front of the TV all day. Bubba-cat came by for treats a few times, and even got on my knitting. It reminded me of old times with Frosty... he loved to lay on my knitting.

[Houston Heather]

It wasn't a bad day, but it's been a tough one.

I realized today, that even on a low dose of lithium and other meds, that my "normal" mood is going to be me, walking around, exhausted. I'm not up, I'm not down... I'm exhausted... that's my "normal" mood. AKA "Baseline".

I worked 2 hours this morning, ate, and went to bed for hours. I woke up, still exhausted. Talked to my sister, she's fun, but totally worn out just from talking... I was pretty stupid at times while talking to her but she is very sweet. No appetite, until around 6, which means I need to take more lithium.

Which I did, which means more fatigue. Literally all I did was work, about 10 minutes of weeding in my garden, and fixing myself dinner. I didn't do dishes or laundry or any of that, too tired.

I won't call it "depressing" but it is discouraging... however, my symptoms were so bad even THIS is better than running around without medication.

[Snowman]

{{{HUGS}}}

[Houston Heather]

Ron was very sweet, he told me he was going to call his "caseworker" he had when he wanted to leave me and go into a nursing home, before medication.

"[Name], she's tired! She didn't do the dishes! She's sweet and kind! She feeds the cat! She loves me!" He got me laughing and basically said he would rather have me balanced and foggy than sick.

I really needed to hear him say he doesn't mind me like this, and he did. Then he went to bed early, like he does; and I came here, like I do.

[skeopple]

Urgh, Heather. I've been out of touch a few days and after reading your posts for the last 5 days or so, I'm flabbergasted; I don't know how you do it. I've got good support in my DH and I'm still tired and can't get a going right.Well, sorry to say, my cash went elsewhere . No pool membership at this time.

I don't know what's going on with me, but I've been having some serious (TMI) vomiting sessions. Out of nowhere. I eat or drink. I puke. No pain anywhere, but honestly; what's up with this? Even in the middle of the night. Nerves? Stress? Old age? I don't have a clue. I'm trying to stay away from the FSC marked smokes because they are making everyone sick. (that's the new, law, fire safe cigs. They have an extra layer of paper and a plastic glue) Am smoking a cig that is not my normal brand. Could that do it/don't know. I know, QUIT! Easier said than done ya know.

Hope all my low carb friends are having better success than I am. I'm behaving, just not getting in the mobilization stuff.
I'm not online here much when I am puking. Also, kinda busy with the grandbabies. I love them more than I can explain. God's blessings, indeed.

Hugs to all.

[Houston Heather]

You couldn't be pregnant, Sharon? I know, don't curse you like that!

Ginger root capsules are great - I get them at the local supercenter for about $3-5. Just take one before you eat, maybe 1/2 hour previous, and see how things settle. I was once given a huge hug by a Metrolift driver.

She was very "Morning-sick" one day and pulled over to heave. I had a bottle of ginger root capsules, which I gave her. I encouraged her to take them and she did.

A year later, she saw me, jumped out of the van, and gave me a huge hug! Thank you thank you thank you! I'm like, for what? She told me, that day she started on the ginger root and she took them right up until she delivered a totally healthy baby. No more sickness! It's GOOD stuff.

Do you have American Spirit cigs? They don't have additives. They looked interesting enough that I wanted to try them, and I don't even smoke.

Amazingly, I don't. 'Most everyone I've ever met with any kind of "mental illness" is a smoke fiend, but my birthmom made me SWEAR to her when I was about 8 that I would never, ever smoke. She said they were terrible, she was enslaved to the things, and she wanted to spare me that. "Don't make my mistake, Heather!" That was the only thing she ever asked me for (other than forgiveness for drinking while pregnant, which I was happy to give), so I never touched 'em.

I tend to forget that I am carrying a load. Today wasn't bad.

I got to sleep in until 7. Then work for a couple hours. Ron made a decision at work that I think will bring us a lot of peace in the long run.

After work, Walmart. Ron needed more pills, so we got them. Since tomorrow is "dig day" I got lots of drinks for me, and some nice looking "lawn shears" for trimming the edges of my garden beds (photos on the way).

Then Metrolift left us there for an hour and a half. Ron and I went to McD's. I ate some bunless burgers, he got a milkshake, chicken strips, and fish sandwhich. He ate all the chicken - he said it "wasn't bad" and it's been making him gag for almost a year. I'll take it! Drank the milkshake, he's the only man I know who NEEDS the calories in that horrible stuff. Ate about half the fish, put it away.

My "Beef Carbonnade" came out well. I put
1 pound stew meat
about 1 cup small onions (from my garden and Foodtown)
2 garlic cloves
1/4 t black pepper
6 ounces lowcarb beer (Michelob Ultra) - Ron drank the other half
You would want to add at least a pinch of salt, but Ron is very sensitive to salty flavors.

In the crockpot and cooked it overnight. Ron loved it.

Good. I got into my "next week's budget", so I was very happy. Really, really groggy at work. So groggy, that while fixing a coffee machine issue, I made myself a cup of coffee on the 'Expresso" setting. It woke me up and kept me more functional for a few hours.

I told Ron, as I pushed him around the store in the "Sit and Shop" wheelchair, that I'm not wild about using one drug to combat the effects of another, but in my case today, it worked. I got my soda, happy.

We finally got home around 2, and I took a nap for a few hours. I had a food-safety nightmare, someone was going to serve food that been time-temperature abused. I was pretty upset and then I woke up.

It's sunny today, which is good for me. I don't want it to get all sloppy before I dig tomorrow. I figure about 4 hours or so, it'll be a lot of work but worth it.

I put $20 in my internet fun money account, so I plan to go order some seeds in a minute.

[Houston Heather]

I'm already starting to run depressed. Damned illness! UGH.

I'm definitely a "rapid cycler". UGH. AGH. Glad my lithium and freinds are already on board. After I'm done in the garden tomorrow, I'll be too worn out to be depressed!

[Houston Heather]

Garden bed 1 has been expanded by 4 additional square feet. Good edging hammered in, and I'm about to eat some cheddar burgers, broccoli/cauli/carrot mix, and some cheese for lunch. Shoveling and all is hungry work!

[Houston Heather]

STARVING! All day! Every 2 hours I'm eating! Low carb, of course.

I guess all the digging and spading is harder than I think.

It's going pretty well. Depression wants to kick my butt but I am staying busy. If I needed, I could take another lithium when I eat my sausage patty but I'm OK for now.

I might have one after I finish, though. I'm waiting for some water to soak into the very dry, compacted, and stubborn last couple square feet. I only have about 3 more square feet to dig up, dig out, mix with good stuff, mix the layer in the ground with good stuff, and shovel back all the improved dirt.

No wonder I'm hungry.

I look like a big brown worm, covered in dirt.. wearing my navy tshirt and baggy shorts. One garden boot, one sneaker, different socks... boy I'm glad Ron is blind. I am a sight!

[Houston Heather]

Well, I finished about 2/3 of the garden project. Not bad. I bought myself some "grass shears" with the fun money Ron gave me, and I love them. I only sliced myself once. Those bad boys are SHARP. I clipped the grass in between the garden beds, and spread the clippings in the beds!

I did a lot of heavy work today, felt fine, didn't overheat. If I'm not peeing every hour or so I drink more water. I'm a little dehydrated right now but I'm drinking ice water.

I plan to take a nice bath, not too hot, and just marinate. I will be pretty stiff tomorrow, I can tell.

Ron's new ATM card arrived, he'll be happy about that. We can go turn it on Friday if he wants.

Tomorrow I make our order for the wholesaler; and Friday I get up at 2:30 AM to get it! I may, if conditions permit, do some of my garden project tomorrow just to wear myself out.

My "inferno" pepper ripened another one... I'm scared!

[Houston Heather]

A nice hot bath and it wants to rain. AHHHHHH. There goes the lightning. Good. Maybe the rain will help break up my hardpan problem!

Ron's new debit card came so he's happy. I made sure to thank him for the fun day in the garden and my new grass shears.

Come on, rain!

[Houston Heather]

Ron's nephew found us on Facebook. Good, he's a nice guy. Cute baby, too. I'm going to check out his page tomorrow.

[Houston Heather]

OMG, what a horrible night.

You guys KNOW how important it is for me to get my sleep every night. If I don't get enough sleep, whatever mood I've got is amplified and I often get hallucinations. I've been running depressed.

So, last night Ron has some portion control issues with alcohol and ends up in a fugue state. He fell down many, many times. He locked himself in his room and made very loud crashing and banging noises. At one point I found him crawling around on the floor like a half-eaten grub. Every half hour or so, more crashing and banging and falling and I'd yell at him to BE QUIET I NEED TO SLEEP and he would yell "Sorry" and things would be quiet for a bit.

Sometimes, when he's gotten like that, he hasn't been nice. Last night, except for hurting himself (I'm sure he's stiff after all those falls), and keeping me awake, he was fine. He genuinely seemed to regret waking me up.

When he saw me stumbling around at work, he felt even worse. I told him, keeping me up all night is amplifying my depression, please don't let this happen again. He said he wouldn't.

At first he said "You need to help me manage this." I said, if you can't handle drinking by yourself, then you need to get some help. I'm not going to be your mother. You are a grown man and you need to control yourself.

I didn't tell you to fix my foods so I would eat low carb, and I'm not going to play games. You figure out a way to control yourself, or don't drink period.

It's not my job to "fix" him. I'm not falling into that trap. It's not my job to feel like I can "save" him. If Ron needs saving he will have to make that decision on his own, and I will support him.

He said, I have problems with portion control. I think I'm only having a little, until I wake up in the hallway and the lamp is broken again. Amazingly, he only damaged his stuff.

After work we went to Walmart. While pushing him around, I saw some 3 ounce "bathroom cups". I told him, use these to portion out your drinks. It's 3 ounces. He was very appreciative and said they would help tremendously.

I told him he'd better find something that worked, because if he kept me up when I was manic old "Heather the Hatchet" would come out.

UGH. I was so miserably exhausted, so so tired. We have to get up at 2:30 AM tomorrow. I get tired just thinking about it.

As expected, I was very stiff today. I needed to take asprin just so I could bend over!

We came home. I ate some berries in whipped cream, took an extra lithium, and went to sleep. Lunch was 2 bunless double cheeseburgers. I have 2 more bunless burgers for dinner.

I slept about an hour and a half, very restless, very humid. Yay! We got about half an inch of rain. It's cooler now and actually pretty pleasant. I had a look at my garden, everyone looks happy. I'm trying to get the squash vine to climb the trellis but it's stubborn. Even a couple minutes out there makes me feel better.

Bubba's doing OK, Ron bought him more treats.

Almost bedtime now. AGH. I'll take some benadryl to help me drop off.

[Snowman]

Stopping by to say HELLO and hope all is well!!

[Houston Heather]

I slept OK last night, got up early, went to work, very tired yet productive. Battling a depression; Ron doesn't make it any easier with his negative, gloomy talk.

I also made some choices about what I will and will not do regarding his drinking. Some of it "I won't help you with your computer when you're drinking" are fairly easy...others will be more difficult.

I got a good look as his legs today, and his knees are very scraped up. He says they don't hurt, though. I guess that's a good side effect of the neuropathy.

Anyway, if you are the praying type, a prayer to ask God to help me be strong, would be greatly appreciated. Ron needs to stop hiding.

I already decided, after an incident a few years ago, that I would not lie anymore about his drinking. To paraprase the Jean Auel books, I have refrained from telling.

A lot of deep thought and after my shower, prayer and bible study. I want to please God. Ron will not be happy with some of my choices (ie - I will buy NO alcohol for him, he will have to pay someone to do it for him). Tomorrow "he" planned for us to go to the grocery store, "and then the liquor store". No.

I'll tell him; tomorrow I'm going to to the grocery store, on the bus. I'm not buying any liquor. He will pitch a fit, but hopefully in the pitching will realize that he is far more dependent on the stuff than he'd like to admit.

Funny how two children of alcoholics (myself and Ron) ended up together playing the same old games. Not anymore.

To state it baldly and selfishly, I have enough problems in my life without a practicing alcoholic. My 34 years of experience have shown that:
1. Alcohol makes all your problems worse
2. Alcohol makes people mean and scary
3. Alcohol makes people unreliable.

And yet, it's LEGAL. I was talking to a driver today about that, and we both agreed America would be far better off if marijuana were legalized - and I don't even like pot.

I was pretty nauseous for a lot of the day... I got into some sugarfree chocolate chips (my drug of choice) while making my decisions. Other than that, clean eating.

Being tired and depressed I didn't get much done in the garden, but I had fun checking everyone out - I went outside and had a look, making sure everyone was content.

[bjw]

Heather,
Alcohol is an insiduous devil. I hope Ron won't behave to badly when you lay down the new rules. I am praying for you cause you are such a special lady.
Jean

[Snowman]

YOU are one smart woman, Heather!

I do believe in prayer and will be (as usual) praying for you and Ron!

[Houston Heather]

Well, one way to handle things - horrible migraine. I told Ron I had it and took my meds, went to bed for basically 12 hours. There goes the day off.

Sundays the liquor stores don't sell until afternoon. I asked Ron to make the trip to Foodtown in the morning, before work. So it's groceries (only), work, home.

When I felt human, I focused on doing nice things for myself. I checked the mail (only a few hundred feet but an ordeal worth enduring, as my seeds came), planted my new seeds (2 types of purple broccoli, and some wild kale), checked on the seeds I'd already planted, turned on their grow light (light + migraine = puking). I staggered out back because a collard was wilting and watered them.

Rather than flog myself for not mowing today, I focused on "how's everyone doing?" and checked on them. It was very soothing.

Ron actually wanted to hear about my activities. I picked a few herbs, a pepper, and some collards. I made scrambled eggs with the above and had that for dinner. I have leftovers for breakfast.

I'm really hot, but other than that fine. Pretty groggy because I took basically a whole day of lithium with my dinner. When I run depressed, I will never skip a dose. No way.

I did some knitting and pretty much finished the last strip on the afghan. I sewed it together. Now all I need to do is crochet the strips together, and edge it. All done.

Time for a new knitting project. Maybe a hat.

Now it's off to bed, because I have to get up at 7. UGH.

The sugar free chocolate chips = bad idea. I threw them out. I know it was them.

[skeopple]

Getting caught up on the boards. Been off for awhile now.

Blessings and prayers for you, Heather and Ron. You are so amazing; I still don't know how you handle it all. Oh, yes, I do.....you're a Christian that prays, studies God's word, and lives the talk. You're great Heather. That's all I can say. Be well. Hugs.

[Houston Heather]

Thanks Sharon!

Sorry to miss yesterday. We went to Foodtown... totally medicated so I walked out of there going "What did I buy?" When I got home, lots of cube steak, cheese, chinese cabbage, all stuff I'll eat but it kind of had me going - huh.

I felt a little clearer later so I cleaned out the fridge and washed the shelves. Ron had given me the day off, we didn't need to go in.

I got pretty tired, and I felt like it was more depression, so I finished the blanket I made (the one Frosty liked to "help" with), and finished my garden bed expansion. Digging, yay. Hot sun! Well, it worked. Pretty tired and definitely battling depression, ate a couple hot dogs, took a lithium, went to bed for hours.

I slept and slept... good thing as it turns out. I woke up. Nice cheerful movies on Sci-fi. A horrible movie about a virus, and then a Saw marathon... uh no. Not when I'm battling depression! I hardboiled some eggs and made tuna salad. Ron said it was good but he couldn't do celery. I made more without celery, he loved it. He had some for lunch today.

I knew we would be "out" today, and the only food option at our downtown stop was a deli. In my experience, delis and my WOE don't work. So I made a big bowl of tuna salad, and (remember this) a couple of hardboiled eggs and some cut up cheese in a baggie. I put them in my insulated lunch bag, in the fridge. I put an ice pack in the freezer.

About 8:30, Ron says "Heather, you know we have to get up at 3, right?" Oh, I was so pissed at myself. I completely forgot! Too medicated! I tried, very hard, to kick my own butt for a few minutes. I finished making our lunch (SO SO GLAD I did!), and went to bed.

Of course, I didn't fall asleep forever. AGH. In the middle of the night, I heard what I term "proud" meowing. The cat brought something home through the cat door. I didn't pay it any mind. It was hot and humid. I had a leg out from under my covers (I always have at least a cotton blanket), exposed to the hip.

Then, IT fell on my leg and began crawling up my thigh. It had 6 legs. I woke up QUITE fast. EW! I flicked it off, and spent the next hour bug-eyed awake.... would it crawl back into bed with me? Where was it? Would it stay gone? I knew I needed to get to sleep but impossible to relax when a large THING (hint- insect that flies) has just crawled up my thigh.

A few minutes later, it seemed, Ron was telling me to wake up. I was actually pretty functional. I picked out a new knitting thing to travel with me. I fixed my breakfast and brought our lunch. I took my pills. I made sure I had my keys, badge, and a little cash.. not as easy for me as you'd think! Ron handed me my cell phone... and here's our ride.

We got to work at 4:30 for the soda delivery, which didn't get there until 6:30. I'm not bitter. I didn't really need those 2 hours of sleep.

So, I cleared off one pallet of merchandise. I checked the machines. I did candy bars and helped Ron with pastries and sodas - all they want is SUGAR! I got our order, checked it in, and stocked it, rotating the merchandise so the old is on top. Good workout, still going strong. Our pickup was about 8:30... I was OK until 8.

Considering I got about 3-4 hours of sleep, and had taken my medication on top of that, and had drunk enough diet Dr pepper to fill a bathtub, I was thrilled with my mood - tired, but outgoing. Not depressed.

Time for our next pickup to go downtown and renew Ron's Metrolift pass. Long ride each way, it only took 5 minutes. I had a longer time waiting to use the bathroom than I did getting Ron's pass! After we finished - by the way, so so, glad I had the mini Lysol - I found us some seats and opened up my lunchpail. Ron said "I wish I had some of your tuna salad or a hard-boiled egg". I told him I had both. He wanted me to feed him some tuna salad, I thought it was cute, and obliged. He filled up pretty fast, and I finished the other cup or so of tuna salad. OK, I'm full. I put up the hardboiled egg, and cut up cheese, in the bag.

I found it very telling as we waited on our pickup. All the drivers waved at us as they pulled up or walked by. A few apologized for not being our ride. I told them they must have been good, "they" were saving us for the punishment route. "You've been good! They won't stick you with us today!"

When our driver pulled up she gesticulated happily and waved us over to the van. Good. As I got on, I asked if "they" had been starving her, and she said yes. I handed over the remains of my lunch. It was 2 hardboiled eggs, and about 3 ounces of cheese. She demolished everything in about 4 minutes.

Since a low-blood sugar driver is more dangerous than a drunk driver, I'm very glad I fed her! We had a good, long, trip home. So glad to see the house and go to bed!

Of course my body decided, since I got an hour and a half of sleep, that's all I needed and woke me up. I took an extra lithium today so I won't get moody. I tend to get cranky when sleep deprived.

Now it's raining. I don't need to water my plants.

[Houston Heather]

You know, I realized something as I was replying to another thread. I'm so glad I have you guys... here's a lot of what I get in real life from people:
1. So you're still losing weight, huh? (disapproving).
2. Are you still on that crazy diet?
3. You have to eat bread (said by a 400 pound man)
4. I'm not talking to you. Your weight loss makes me feel bad.
5. You need to stop losing weight. (I get this one a lot)
6. It's unhealthy to eat that way (said by a very unhealthy person)
7. [gives me an obvious once-over] STILL losing weight? [disapproving]

No wonder I started eating off plan last time. Not a whole lot of healthy feedback!

[Houston Heather]

That went pretty well. Ron and I had "The talk" about me buying him alcohol. Like I explained it, how would I feel explaining to an ER doc that I was the one who bought him the booze?

He's off to the liquor store... I would have loved to tag along and get some heavy whipping cream (pumpkin pudding for dinner), but I feel good about this. He understands trust needs to be earned, and I am afraid.

At any rate, he's taking a cab and complaining about the cost of cab fare. It's not like he had a perfect track record, with one blip. A whole lot of blackouts and things I won't talk about.

I have a right to my concerns, and he seems to be very respectful of them. Good.

And, I still get pumpkin pudding for dinner!

[Houston Heather]

It's kind of sad - I'm always so afraid that if I stand up and assert myself, if I say "NO", the world will come to an end. Ron had a couple of shots of his booze in my little portion cup and went to sleep. No dramas. He is bound and determined not to humiliate himself anymore.

I told him, if he ever did fall and hurt himself, I would call 911 and send him off to the hospital, drunk and alone. He said that would be more than he deserved.

At any rate, we both got what we wanted... like I told him we both want the same thing. Most of the seeds I planted this weekend are up and growing, I'll need to move them outside in a few days. I have a dill, a couple of marigolds, tomato, 2 kales, 2 collards (one for Mike at work), 3 kinds of broccoli, some Japanese mustard, etc. Good. I have plenty of "holes" in the garden right now and that newly expanded garden bed is BEGGING for transplants. Oh, and chard. The chard did so well this year even being massively neglected and underwatered, that I want to grow more. It's so pretty too.

I went out after the rain and it only took about 10 minutes to weed. Sweet. Once I get more planted it'll be even easier, less open space. The idea is to have lots of fun stuff growing that doesn't mind starting out warm and finishing cool. Most of the stuff I'm growing doesn't even mind a light freeze.

Time to go check the laundry, the dryer is buzzing.

[Houston Heather]

Got up early, not enough sleep again. AGH. A little manic as a result, very chatty and wanted to shop.

Had to go to work! Pretty productive, came home. My meds got me pretty groggy right before our pickup.

So, I came home, put my baby seedlings outside in their tray, and took a nap. Woke up, they look thrilled to be outside, gonna leave them out for a bit yet. [yawn]

Still pretty groggy. People like Ron and my buddy Mike always say things like "I'm sorry you're so tired" and I'm like, I'm not, I'm not sick! I'm delighted to be so tired!

Then they look at me like, huh? Before, things were SO BAD, that walking around exhausted all the time, running into things (my poor legs are always black and blue), dropping things, and whole "senior days" are better than THAT.

Thank you, Jesus, for the third element (lithium).

[Houston Heather]

UGH. Not feeling good. Queasies got me...

We went to Starbucks. We walk in the door and I read an announcement, they're closing in a few weeks. This is the second store they've closed. Very discouraging.

I was already plenty bummed about losing "my" place, and then Ron gets all moody and depressing talk. I kept telling him, please stop. I finally told him "Remember that negative co-worker I told you about, who never had a single nice or positive thing to say? I feel like I married her." That didn't work. I told Ron "I am tired of saying this nicely. Please shut up unless you can say something positive." He shut up.

Ugh. Then the ride comes. Someone's in the front, and someone's in the back. He's got a huge plastic sack full of junk, on the seat next to him, spread out over most of the backseat. I tell him "You're going to need to move that" because he's just gaping at Ron as he gets in. Then I made "moving the bag" pantomine, held up 2 fingers, and indicated I was also riding. The man moved the bag.

The driver lets out an obvious BIG SIGH and then proceeds to drive terribly all the way home. I'm already sick to my stomach. The last thing I need is the driver accelerating fast, then jamming on the brakes at every stopsign! I made a point of saying "Ugh. Seasick" as I got out.

I will not let this ruin my day. Since I already feel crappy I will probably mow the yard and get that over with.