Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

Thank God I'm running a little "up" today! Not only did I spend 2.5 hours in my garden, taking care of the babies, I also mowed the entire yard and saved all the clippings to use as mulch.

I feel great, a little TOO good but my PM lithium should help. I'm just glad I have some energy and excitement for a change. The depressions are horrible.

When I'm properly medicated, the manias are actually pretty fun.

Adding the big daily salad obviously helped with my weight loss, and I've been drinking a lot more water, too. I'm excited to see where my weight may end up tomorrow.

[Snowman]

GO HEATHER, 165 lbs. is AWESOME!!!

[Houston Heather]

I ate a fair amount of whipped cream, I really think the salads and active lifestyle helped.

[Houston Heather]

I woke up 3 pounds heavier, guess I'm dehydrated. I also woke up manic... a nice change from the depression. I wanted to TALK! I wanted to SHOP! I wanted to DO!

However, the lithium kicked in and made me pretty groggy all day. Ron gave me tomorrow off (nothing to do! ), so I decided to get my blood tests done. I have to fast... ack. I'm going to ride the bus to the lab, get the tests, and have some fun.

I plan to maybe hit a garden center. No other big plans.

[Houston Heather]

It's funny how a little thing can really validate and encourage me.

Dear Abby today:

Caring for an unhappy, needy and ailing spouse for three years is physically exhausting and emotionally draining

I'VE been doing it for six! I wouldn't trade him for anyone, but it's nice to know I'm not alone. It CAN be awfully draining.

That said, I'm going to go play in my garden. I need to get ready for tomorrow, I have to fast after 8, when I'll be in bed anyway, because I have to get up early. I wanted the vampires to get me early. I'll be leaving Ron at home and taking the bus, he has a trip to Starbucks planned for later in the day.

I hope you're having a GOOD day.

[Houston Heather]

Huh. I only ate about 900 calories today. I need to stop eating in an hour and a half, but I'm just not very hungry. This tends to happen when I'm losing.

I had a lot of fun out in the garden. I feel a lot better admitting: sometimes I get sick and tired of caregiving! He's not a bad guy, but it's TAXING.

Anyway, the garden made it all better and tired me out some. I just need to make sure I have all my "pieces" as I call them, before tomorrow. Oh, and take my nighttime pills.

[Jean@125]

Hi Heather,
I thought you might appreciate this 2 times this week Ray has shown he is making progress in doing more for himself without reminders from me.
He noticed one of his meds was running low and called the Dr. for a refill and even dropped it off the pharmacy and picked it up when it was ready!
Another biggie he asked me if his hair looked okay. He usually doesn't do well with details like needing a haircut and such.
We recently had a meeting with his DDA case manager and she was talking about the future as to where he might be able to live more independently. But I am not ready to hear any of that yet! Jeanie

[skeopple]

Hey, I read that whole Dear Abby letter and response. Yes, it is very, very taxing and trying. You are a super woman, Heather!

What kind of lab work are you getting done?

[Snowman]

Heather ~ Stopping by to say, hope you have a GREAT day today!

You wil be rewarded someday for the great job you are doing here on earth! KEEP IT UP!!! (I know you know that!)

Take care!

[Houston Heather]

You guys are so sweet!

Since I don't have a primary doc - the last one poisoned my husband (!!), my psychiatrist doc ran some tests. The medication I take can be hard on kidneys and liver; so he wanted to check that. I had a comprehensive metabolic panel (mainly liver, kidneys, white blood cell and all), and he ordered a triglyceride - FASTING and fasting glucose because he knows my sugars can run a little high.

FASTING! Also, a lithium level of course. Is it too high? Too low? Just right? I'd say pretty close to just right. I did pray and ask God to make the test results accurate for me.

Considering I woke up starving, had to starve for 3 hours after getting up, NO Diet Dr Pepper even, until after the test! Amazingly, no headache, with all the "pop" I drink... but I guess I got it early enough! No soda, starving, had to get stuck with a needle, AND I had to deal with some scary, begging "bums" at the bus stop. I still managed to have a GREAT day!

Ron gave me some fun money - that really rocked. I left the house with about $30. I had to catch 3 buses to get to the lab, and I did. I drank plenty of water 'cause I had to give urine, too. Whooo - one thing about lithium, it makes my urine smell like something died in the toilet. WHOA! I told Ron, you'll always know I'm taking my pills!

They took me early! Yes! That meant I got to eat half an hour sooner. In fact, as soon as they drew the blood out came the salami sticks and Diet Dr! They got me on the first stick, and it hurt less than it does when I check my sugars in the morning. Maybe the blood sugar tests are toughening me up.

I mentioned I was starving all morning, the sticks took the edge off. Then, Burger King! I could have gotten a "large" meal with large onion rings, but that's like 69 carbs. I wanted a value onion rings, about 15 carbs. So, I ordered a la carte instead of getting a meal. It was good. I told Ron later, I'm surprised they didn't call animal control when I was eating!

Then, I decided, more than anything else in the world, I wanted to go to the small local "Pop" nursery. No Mom, just "Pop", and a stray cat he feeds. I took the bus.

I was the only customer. Ron said "No one else is crazy enough to walk outside in the heat." I said, you know I'm crazy! I had lots of fun. I found an adorable solid red hibiscus. It was soooo cute. He also had yellow with a red throat, and these gorgeous hot orange/hot pink ones. $5 for a 4 inch pot. He asked me if I needed help, but basically left me alone. I wanted all the hibiscus, but I just got the red. I had a place for it.

A few times, I've brought a potted plant home, and I didn't have a spot, and the plant dried out and died while I tried to figure something out. So I don't buy unless I have a spot.

I saw a really cute scented geranium, and some upright rosemary, but passed, not enough dinero. I get paid tomorrow, and I can go back on Wednesday. That's the nice thing about slow sales, plenty of time off. Come Christmas, it'll be 6-7 work days a week!

I fell in love with a gorgeous lemon balm! It smells fantasic, like lemon pie. So tasty! I immediately put it in Garden Bed 4 - I could see it right there in my head. So I put it on the wagon with the hibiscus. Then I found an adorable patchouli plant. It smells like patchouli, alright. I love it! I could see it in Garden Bed 2.

The hibiscus would go in the little semicircle I have on the back fence, with the yellow lantana, the variegated lantata, with the yellow and red flowers... fantastic.

Everything should have cost $17. However, the owner knows I ride the bus, and he heard me talking to the plants, I turned around and he was there (one of the times he offered to help), and he could tell I genuinely loved everything... so somehow I only got charged $13! What a really NICE guy! He laughed when I asked him to tie up the lemon verbena "arms", because otherwise I'd smack someone in the face with one! I paid up cheerfully (plan to go back Wednesday, in spite of ...) and left to catch the bus.

The bums were at the bus stop. A group of about 5 guys. Ron was on the other line and DID NOT pick up the cell phone! But it was OK, they asked me for money, I said sorry, spent it all, the guy made a comment he wished he could get a marijuana plant.. .and that was all until the bus came. Kind of a deterrent to the garden center trips, and one reason I haven't been in a few months. However, they were polite and well behaved.. I didn't feel threatened, and I have a cell phone.

I came home (good transfer, I only waited a few minutes!), and showed Ron the patchouli and the lemon verbena. He liked the lemon as much as I do! And that's a lot, because I just allocated 1/10 of my garden space to it!

I got some drinks and went out back. I got most everyone planted - I need to let the water percolate through the soil for the hibiscus. I drank a quart of Powerade Zero, a quart of diet iced tea, and a quart of water. Working on another quart right now.

After planting, I mulched the patchouli and the lemon. I made little "dishes" around them to retain water because it's been a dry year. Gave them an extra good drink, and did plenty of weeding, a little tree trimming (it was hogging sun!), and just general fun in the dirt. Everyone looks happy.

I accidentally tip-pruned a patchouli stem, but that just means it'll branch out. I kept the tip, it smells fantastic. Once my geraniums bounce back, I can make some awesome sachets with rose geranium and patchouli!

Our ride should be here soon - a Starbucks trip. When I get home I'll finish planting the hibiscus and make sure everyone's OK. I'm really happy with my garden, and I'm glad I got back out there.

My medication levels are just right - I feel energetic and happy, but not high. One reason some people with manic-depression have medication issues, they love the highs when they're up. If I go up, I have really scary symptoms so that's NEVER an issue with me! I'm sure that's why God let it get so horrible before I was diagnosed.

[Houston Heather]

Ugh... a little toxic.

The heat index was 105, when I was sitting in front of the TV with a cold drink in my hand... I can't imagine what it was at 1 PM!

Once my digestive issues subside, I'll be fine. I still had a good day!

[Houston Heather]

Ron and I were talking, he wants a fig tree. I said OK, and we agreed to put it on the south side of the house.

Later on, we were in the kitchen. I'm preparing a fine feast of all-beef hotdogs, cheese, and sugar free ketchup for my dinner - Ron opted for a Mexican TV dinner.

"What's this soda here?" he asked.
I glance behind me. I see a Diet 7up bottle I drank, washed out, put water in, and froze. I used it as an "ice bottle" but it hogged up too much freezer space. "That's just an old ice bottle, full of water. Dump it out."
"Are you sure?" Yes, I'm sure
I hear the glug glug and look behind me. Ice bottle is still there on the counter. Then I realize Ron IS pouring out MY soda, a Diet Dr Pepper, half-drunk, I forgot!

Oh, you should have heard my scream! I'm surprised no one called the police!

Worst of all, it was all my fault. If I'd turned my head more I'd have seen it. I TOLD him to do it.

I told Ron, if he hadn't been blind, and poured out my soda, I'd have had to kill him.

Then I immediately realized I had to come and tell you all about this.

[skeopple]

Well, you did tell him to dump it out! Goofy things happen, don't they!
Glad you were safe at that bus stop. Scary stuff out there Heather. And glad your blood work was easy. Sometimes they don't do so well on my veins but once in a while, I'll get someone who does it and you don't even know it. ........Hoping your results are good also.

Sleep tight and nighty night. Sorry you have to deal with such hot weather. We had 60s and 70s today so it was pretty nice. Not too humid.

[karenb]

I"m not having any luck with my flowers this year. My red hibiscus died during the winter.
DH told me that the guy he works with that thinks he does everything very well has had problems with his tomatoes. They grow but no blossoms. My councelor said she was having problems with her flowers too. It makes me feel better to know I'm not the one. Except I won't get any home grown tomaoes for DH's coworker!

[skeopple]

Guess we're in a pretty nasty draught. Some stuff is producing produce, some not.



Let's see, we have how many weeks left until Thanksgiving? (about 19 and 1/2)
About 23 and 1/2 until Christmas Day.

It's hardly likely for me to get to onederland by then, but that would be my ultimate dream. That'd be averaging OMG at least 4 pounds per week~~ewww. Considering it's been months since I lost ANYTHING, I'll have to rethink my goal. It's humanly possible but since when am I normal.?!$%^&*...................When I lost this first 50 pounds, I know we had a pool membership. It's just hard to physically get TO the pool (far end of the Motel) and BACK to the car!!!! Plus the cost is so prohibitive right now. It does seem the best way for me to get a good workout, since nothing hurts in the water!!!!

[Houston Heather]

Well, Sharon, remember the main goal is to get healthy. I really didn't expect to lose anything, but my body surprised me. Just hang in there, eat as wisely as possible, active as possible... and you'll have better health! I don't want you to hurt, either!

Karen, if it's above about 87 or so, consistently, tomatoes won't bloom unless they are a special hybrid like "Homestead" or "Tropic". If he's patient, when the temps come down they'll blossom and it'll be tomato time! Hibiscus is pretty delicate, but it you don't cut back the dead parts in Houston they protect the rest. We generally get maybe a dozen or two frosts a winter. My patchouli is also very "frost-tender" but I put some bamboo poles into the ground around it. Then I can drop a trash bag (glamorous, huh? ) over it when it gets chilly. The black plastic will hold some heat too. It worked for my tomatoes this year, before I dried them out.

Ugh... I knew it was going to be a bad mood day when I laid down for a nap, heard music that wasn't there, sounded like heavy metal. Great. Hallucinations.

Let me start with waking up, period. When I'm manic I tend to stay up late, which I did last night. I made some big plans for my little garden area, and I plan to expand it. Fun.

Just really tired, went to manic, chatty all morning, not bad enough that I wanted to buy buy buy, though, so only about a 2 on 1-10. Happy manias aren't bad. Went to work, worky work work. Not much to do!

Medication kicked in, dropped major IQ points, running into things. Very smooth mood and foggy thinking. I almost made several mistakes making out the check to the milkman. UGH.

Get to the bank, do the deposit, get paid. Get a nice straight trip to Walmart. Get the sit& shop manual (push) wheelchair for Ron, and I push him over to the garden center. I got some boots for garden work, but will be returning them. They aren't practical. Got a sprinkler thing I love. I can soak my entire garden area in 10 minutes with one twist of the faucet. The plants seemed to like it too, they looked nice and happy.

I'm sure the weeds around my garden beds loved it too! I'm working on some organic (no chemical) ways to keep them down, like that weed barrier fabric and stuff. I spread some black plastic on the ground to kill off bermuda-weed in the area I want to expand in my garden. My garden's pretty small, about 74 square feet. Expanded, it'll be 92 square feet, plus the existing 3 foot circle in the mid-back yard. All fun for me.

I got nicely soaked by the sprinkler, and had fun. Still a little wound up, not so groggy. Big plans for "when I got up". Got a nasty letter from homeowner's association, sprayed some weeds out front with Roundup (not an organic choice). Read a nice fluffy romance novel for a bit... the heroine made my life seem easy.

Finally got some sleep, after hearing the music that wasn't there. If I ignore it I can fall asleep... and it's sad what I've learned to endure.

[You are now invited to Heather's pity party]
I woke up massively depressed, feeling persecuted, PMS cramps, really really irritiable... not PMS irritable, but don't look at me or else. I go outside because Ron has called me to help him, in my bare feet, burn my feet on the concrete, see a cutoff notice on the door. For some reason, Ron has forgotten to pay the water bill, AGAIN.

Now I need to go outside and do some yardwork (it has to happen today because it's garbage night), take out the garbage, I have to eat but I'm not hungry, because OBVIOUSLY I need some meds on board!

Maybe chopping up my tree trimmings and "trash-canning" them will put me in a better mood. I'm just in a foul, nasty mood.

It's a testimony to YOU that I was so nice in replying!

[bjw]

Feel better soon Heather!
What is up with the home owners association? I am so glad we live in an old neighborhood...except when the grass next door gets waist high! LOL
I wonder if Patcholi plants grow in NC? I love the smell of patcholi oils.
I wish you had a little more support at times. Is there no one close by?
Take Care,
Jean

[Houston Heather]

Quick release "little" lithium + protein shake + a couple hours in the garden = MUCH BETTER!

My hands are all scratched up, I'm covered in dirt, the trash cans are stuffed at the curb, my compost bin is full, and I'm happy. Just a bad day. I'm going to ask my doc if hot weater exacerbates symptoms, because it seems for me everything is a lot more intense. But my perspective IS flawed, so who knows?

Lazy woman's dinner... not hungry, need to eat some veggies... so I heated up some veggie soup (it's still defrosting). More later. I just didn't want to leave you hanging since I was in such a lousy, vile mood.

I suggested to Ron if I seem "off"; encourage me to go into the garden for a while. It helps when I'm up, down, mixed, hallucinating, or what.

[Houston Heather]

Oh, Houston is unzoned. That means, you could have a vacant lot next to you become a pig farm, apartment complex, or auto body repair shop.

UNLESS you live in a "deed-restricted" subdivision. They have rules like: no home based business (so we can't have group homes, flop houses, or halfway houses); sorry, but I suffer from NIMBY. All those things are fine, but Not In My BackYard. No more than 2 pets, that's to keep the animal collectors down - and the HOA has called on one woman who had like 15 cats. She had to pick her 2 favorites and the rest went away. No commercial trucks after business hours.. no parking your big rig on the little side streets, no loud parties in the middle of the night, no junk cars in the yard, all reasonable stuff. Keep up your house, and keep up your yard.

Now, these weedy things have gotten pretty wild, growing between the house and the driveway... I am at fault. But I'll get rid of them, I actually have the energy to do it.

I have learned to MILK the manias for every drop of energy, because everyday Heather doesn't have much energy. I plan to do hours of yardwork everyday until my tank runs dry.

My aunt lives about an hour away (AuntieP); she's great. One day I called her, a really bad day, and she came and took me to stay with her for a week. I really needed that time! I sure missed Frosty, though. That's about it for local family.

We also have a good buddy, Chuck, who lives about 45 minutes away. When Ron got really sick last year and had to go to the hospital, it was Chuck who took us. When Ron had surgery, Chuck took us to the hospital and drove us home. When we need to buy some big, wierd thing, Chuck takes us. We don't take advantage, we always buy him lunch at the least! He even offered to take us to Home Depot to buy a - trap on Thursday.

Other than that, I tend to keep to myself. I have the belief that no one in real life wants to know me and all my baggage. Sad.

[skeopple]

Well, I for one, am so glad to be your friend. And thank you for the kind and pleasant reply to my plan to drop pounds fast. You're so right. If I just aim to be more healthy, I will naturally lose some weight.

Thanks for caring, Heather. I'm thinking of you and sending up prayers.

[Houston Heather]

That's the only way I can do it, Sharon. My waist has been 31 for months now...nice to get it smaller. But if I'm healthy now with this waist, I'll take it. It's about my health, not about winning a race or looking like a model. They're unhealthy anyway. It's a lot better than the 42 I started with!

It'll get better, it always does! I tend to be fine in the mornings so I plan to enjoy it... but I need to get to bed! I don't want to be out too late in the heat!

Tomorrow, garden center! I plan to buy some metal fence posts... Ron has been alleging he will make me a compost bin, and I'm tired of waiting. It won't hurt to have a nice, 4 foot metal thing on hand when I'm waiting at the bus stop, either.

[Houston Heather]

Well, I changed my plans slightly. Instead of Home Depot and then garden center, it works out better (I'd have to sit in the heat and sun for 40 minutes waiting on a bus transfer! Ew!), if I go to the garden center first.

I'm definitely getting a rosemary, and a scented geranium. If I have one plant weakness, it's probably scented geraniums. I also love bright blooms red/yellow/orange.

I can also get the owner's advice on whether adding sand to the new expansion is a good idea. I'm bringing my cart, so I can get a bag of mulch or something... let me tell you, getting heavy things home can be a huge, massive deal.

It already takes me at least an hour to get anywhere I want to go, but I always appreciate the fact I can travel.

Anyway, fun in the sun...and I remembered my marathon hat so I won't cook my brains.

Ron forgot to call the blood center, so they called him. I'm always happy to help! Ron got over a gallon, so did my uncle last year, and Dad has gotten at least one unit of platelets last year... pretty selfish for me to say "no".

[skeopple]

The fence posts would be a great help if needed! ya goof!

Is it possible that you get take a taxi home after getting your big load? I hope you can get your cart up the steps if you take a bus. I don't know how you do it, Heather.

Great on the blood donation. You'll never know how many lives you've helped!

Hoping you'll take and post pictures when you get your newest garden stuff put in. As far as the compost, we have over 6 acres of land. It's mostly wooded but there's a spot where we've always dumped lawn clippings, twigs, etc. This year it's actually turned into some nice black dirt. We've been here about 16 years so, it really isn't that long for nature to work its magic. I'm sure it happens sooner if ya keep the twigs out cuz DH had to rake through it.

Take it easy getting around in that heat today. It's dangerous.

[Khewes]

Heather, I hope you don't mind, I'm plowing through your journal a little each day.

First of all, I commend you for the excellent care you give your husband. You two certainly do not have an easy life, but you live it with such joy and love for each other, it's inspiring.

I'm newly diagnosed with depression, took my very first medication this morning, this is alllllllllll new to me. I'm learning how to handle this gracefully reading this journal of yours.

Keep on keepin on girl.


Kim

[Houston Heather]

Welcome Kim! Boy, I got it all in here!

One thing I noticed when I first started my Lexapro, I did tend to get really dizzy when I stood up or bent over to pick something up... fortunately it's not bad now, but just keep an eye out for it. A few times I had to sit down - QUICK!

I really hope people can take something away from my blog here... even if it's just something like "Take your lithium at dinnertime, even if you're not hungry!" I got a little icky moodiness because I did that... fun in the dirt, not hungry, but not wise. I know better! If I'm late, Bad Thoughts can come hunting [shudder].

Anyway, I left the house. Garden center with my cart, which is actually a very GOOD cart. I rolled around for an hour. I SNATCHED up 2 scented geraniums, 2 mints (I made divisions, my halves went out front, and the other halves went into pots for Gary at work) - one is a chocolate mint, one is a ginger. Yum. I got a burnet, it looked good, it's pretty, and it tastes like cucumber! I've been considering one for a while. I got an upright rosemary, a REAL one and not that imposter I had hogging up Garden bed 2. It died, I put the patchouli where it went, and then put the new rosemary where the citronella geranium (sorry, died) lived.

So:
2 mints
Rosemary
2 scented geraniums, one "Clorinda" and one "Pink Capitum" - a rosy scented one. My favorite scented geraniums are rose, but I love all of them. I got those planted on either side of garden bed 3, the burnet and chives in the middle front. My "perennial" section.
Burnet plant
Chives - the skinny kind with pink flowers
I love variegated plants, the 2-3 color leaves. I love scented plants. I have a nice tree ring circle on the back fence. It's home to the red hibiscus, a variegated lantana with yellow flowers, and now, a variegated jasmine AND another lantana with orange/red flowers. I love bright colors! That'll look great. The variegated plants are on either side, in the front, the red/orange in the middle, hibiscus in the back. Plenty of room for all.

The whole thing cost me $15. I told you they had a sale! I saw some great soil amendments, and guess what? They deliver for $25. I can go in and pay for the stuff, pay for delivery, a nice man dumps the bagged stuff in my driveway! AWESOME. I am so doing that. $50 and I will be set for the new garden bed expansion, and enough amendements for a year (mulch breaks down fast here).

I hate to bother Chuck. I mean, he WILL let me put bagged manure in his truck bed, but ... I'd rather pay someone to do it.

As I left, I had a little cart trouble, and it appeared I would miss a bus. The bus driver saw my frantic flailings and stopped, so I DIDN'T HAVE TO WAIT WITH THE BUMS. Yes. They aren't bad guys, worst thing they ask for money, but they don't even approach if I'm on the cell phone .

It took me about an hour on 2 buses to get to Burger King, but worth it. Bunless quad stacker, no sauce. Large drink. Nothing else! They were PACKED.

Then, Home Depot. It wasn't cheap, but I got a box of 75 garden staples (to hold down my weed-blocker fabric), 4 three-foot fence poles (to make the compost bin), 2 four-foot sections of "Emerald Edge" - I should be in a commercial for the things, I would marry them if I could. I also got a cinder block to see if it's what I needed for something (no), and also to test my cart. I got a tomato plant, hybrid "Heatwave" - sounds like a good product for our climate! It was fresh off the truck from the nursery, I could tell, it looked perfect, small, and healthy. It's already in the back of garden bed 5 with a giant tomato cage to grow into. Oh, and some parsley root seeds. I've been wanting to grow some. All that came to about $40. Ouch.

At one point, I fed my Q card (an electronic bus pass, it debits your card every time you transfer) $10 too. It was down to like $1.40. I only pay 60 cents 'cause I'm special!

I called Ron and told him, I got the stuff to make myself a compost bin, can I use the plastic netting you had purchased when you planned to build me one? He hesitated and I said "I know it would be almost impossible for you to build. You'd do it, and do a good job, but the thing I have planned is easy and I can do it in 15 minutes". He said, great, thanks, it would have been a horrible task for him, but he felt obligated. I'm glad we communicated, now we're both happy.

I just plan to bang 4 corners (fence post) into the ground, and run the netting around the outside of the "box", leaving one side for the "door". It should be very easy to do.

No rush, when I'm in the mood, or in a bad mood, I can go out and build it.. it would perk me up. I really need one, I want to do things organically and that means compost.

I kept gouging myself in the head - fortunately no marks or blood - with the Emerald Edging, it flopped. I finally realized I could BEND it down into the cart, and it worked perfectly. I stuck the cinder block in the cart and tucked plants around and inside it. Worked great! No one got hurt, and I got the occasional whiff of rosemary, mint, or scented geranium.

I got to Starbucks 40 minutes before Ron, so I waited. I drank an iced tea. He finally showed up and I made a joke about my "mail order husband". I got my heavy whipping cream thing (ruining my dinner!), and we talked. He found out the vehicle coming for us could accomodate my cart, and it did. The driver was a sweetie, very nice woman. As soon as I got home I put up my backpack, brought in the garbage cans, and rolled my cart out back. Everyone got planted, the mint got divided and my halves planted out front, everyone got watered, and I had fun. I'm awfully tired, but that's a good thing.

I sure got plenty of exercise!

My weight has been up to almost 170. I think it's water retention from PMS. I feel very bloated. Diuretics and lithum = bad news. I might make some of that revolting dandelion root tea, though. I don't have any Taurine or I could take that - it's an amino acid and Dr Aktins loved it for water retention. I'm eating intelligently, mostly - no veggies today - so I have faith my body will figure things out.

I'm beat, have a good night!

[skeopple]

You sure put in a hard day of shopping and lugging, Heather! I really don't know how you physically do it in that Houston heat. Like I've said before, you are a super woman.
I'm catching up online cuz DH had to turn off main water to fix a leak in the bathroom.
The people who built this house didn't put a shut off valve in the bathroom itself.

Your gardens sound diving. I can smell them in my mind.

How's Bubba doing? Any hunting for treasures lately?

Here I am. Today. Still fat. But, I have a plan~

A girl, whose bridesmaid dress I paid for 6 years ago, is paying me back today! So DH and I are getting pool memberships for a month before the money is spent elsewhere. That should strengthen my spine and legs; I love jogging in the water.

Been having a lot of summer company. I still eat the right things, but I'm so tired from just keeping house and cooking and visiting. HELP!

Need prayers and support.

Hugs to all.

[Houston Heather]

Sharon, I wish I could give you a real hug. I'm sorry, but no photos today.

Good news: I didn't hear Ron's "sickly" tirade, bad news, woke up with a migraine. I am blaming the sardines. I think I'll donate my stash to the food bank. UGH.

I'm going to whine. You've been warned. I woke up with a miserable, crappy migraine. Ron does his whole "why does God" tirade this morning... UGH. I asked him for some Tylenol. I don't generally take it because it interacts with my lithium, but the way I felt the lithium was out for the morning dose anyway.

Does he ask "Oh, are you hurting?" No, but he gives me the pills. I drink a protein shake, barely got it down, and take the tylenol and phenergan - because I feel lousy. If I worked for anyone else, I'd call in but he makes me work regardless, unless I'm actively vomiting or have the flu.

I go to work. I can work a little but not much. All I hear all day is "What are you doing to make me money?". I don't feel well. Well, suck it up. So I end up having to unload half a pallet of coke he bought, take it in the stockroom, and stack it up on milk crates. They are using some kind of vile floor polish that's like nails in my head, but he makes me come out and help him because "I can't use you in the stockroom".

Let me tell you, I felt very USED today. When he's sick he wants lots of coddling. He gets angry if I don't. So what about giving what you want to recieve? How about letting me lie down for a little while with an ice bag, huh? No, Heather doesn't DESERVE that .

I told you I would whine. I don't want this blog to be a "Ron is a poop-head" but days like today it's impossible to feel otherwise. When he calls Metrolift and someone has a sore throat, he is very sympathetic, to the stranger. When I'm hurting he's got a total lack of empathy, and WORSE, because he "needs" me, he gets ANGRY. Then I have to listen to a tirade about how he doesn't need a "broken" woman. Oh, and when the cat is sick? It's all about the cat, anything for the cat... but nothing for the wife except a lecture and a tirade.

I've said it before, if I were not a Christian, and another man came along and treated me with basic respect and human courtesy... WHOOSH. Even if no one else showed up... whoosh. I have to remind myself God will deal with him and teach him what he needs to know, my job is to please God and God will take care of all my emotional needs.

Sometimes, when I'm angry at Ron, he says "You're not angry at me, you're angry at God because he STUCK US TOGETHER." What do you say to that, except close yourself off just a little more, build that wall higher, and shut him out? One day he will realize I don't share myself, my soul, with him. No, that goes into the blog with you guys, you get to see the real Heather.

Ron gets to see the Heather he wants to see. The efficient, strong, employee who goes to work with a migraine, because she is needed. The woman who forgives quickly because God tells her to. The woman who, more and more, stays out of duty and obligation. The woman who doesn't share her tears and fears because he doesn't care about her feelings, and tells her so. As you sow, so shall you reap.

After work, and let me tell you, the bus stop outside in the hellish heat was a treat after those horrible floor polish fumes, we went to Burger King. We ate, and then went to the blood bank.

That's why I took Tylenol instead of asprin this morning, you can't take asprin before donating blood. It messes with your platelets.

We got there early. I just couldn't stand being around Ron another minute, and went to Target. Feeling very sorry and entitled, I bought some chocolate (which I ate later). It was low-sugar, and I ate about 18 carbs worth of sugar. The 90% stuff. I gave some to the driver on the way home and he loves me now.

I still have a decent budget left. Good. When I got back in, Ron was donating, and I had to wait a bit. When I got in, I flunked on the iron. Only 36%. Bummer, but probably a good thing with the headache.

So, we went home. Feeling crappy, I went straight to bed. Nightmares, common with a migraine. Miserable. Woke up at 6.

I need to go out and water, my plants don't know from migraine but it's hot and sunny. I decided to blog until 7 and then go out. Ron gets up... oh, I cut something out front, you need to go look.

"I have a migraine, I can't go out in the sun, it'll be very painful". More muttering under his breath, which is marginally better than saying it out loud, or my favorite, telling him I don't feel well only to hear him curse.

Not sharing a whole lot with the husband today.

[Houston Heather]

I staggered outside, watered my plants. God, it hurts to move my head.

Ron decides I want to do yardwork. "You need to get the weeds out front". He didn't seem to grasp the concept of "migraine".

I finally blew up at him and said "You're right, the world DOES revolve around you."

I also decided I am going to look for a counselor. I won't be able to pay much, but I'm sure if I pray about it God will send me someone good.

I can only work on my issues. I'm going to take care of myself, respect myself, and please God. That does not mean becoming bitter, but I don't have to be a doormat and jump to please Ron everytime he says boo.

The whole getting drunk every night thing is getting old, too.

[Houston Heather]

I'm going to look into finding a caregiver support group. A church somewhat near us has one, but they stopped. Now it's sex addicts. Not for me.

Especially not on the Lexapro. Sex addiction isn't funny, I know someone...but not for me.

I also had a good cry. I'm listening to Skillet. All this is making me a stronger, better Christian, but you can be damned sure I'll be reading my devotionals because I do not want to become bitter.

It would be so, so easy. Oh, the things I could type.

[lalala]

Hi Heather,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this and being tested in this way. I just want you to know you're in my prayers.