Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

Ack. I just got off the phone with Mom.

"Oh, the girls and I are so excited about dressing formally for dinner every night". AAAAAGH.

I have one, very formal gown - see avatar. I have a couple more cute "Dressy" dresses. I'll need to get some photos and put them up. One is black with a ruffled skirt, cotton, with an eyelet flounce at the bottom. It's actually somewhat similar to my wedding gown.

Another one is a sassy, clingy black and hot pink. I like it a lot, and it fits great.

The silver metallic makes 3... and the Evan Picone dress makes number 4. It has a higher neckline and is a safe bet. It fits well, too. I plan to slap a turquoise shawl on, or maybe the red one, to jazz it up a bit. No one will freak out because I am wearing #4.

#3 and #2 are more daring, and #1 might not be considered super formal, but it's cute. Like I said, I've got to do photos, in some decent light, in the bathroom mirror.

I can wear the tank dress and some cute separate skirt/top combos I got at Walmart, or just a plain tshirt, shorts, and cotton shawl for the sun allergy.

It's really funny that tomorrow's Bible passage is the "lilies of the field" passage, where Jesus says that God will take care of us, even down to the clothes we wear! Definitely good timing!

The book was actually a gift from a grandmother to her granddaughter, who promptly turned around and donated it to a charity. I found that VERY sad. "Daily Light from the Bible" is the title. Good one.

So, I plan to go to the thrift stores on Wednesday just to look (what if they have an AWESOME purple or turquoise gown?), but it's not emergent. I finally got up my nerve and tried on my bathing suit!

This one:


It fits! It's cute and it doesn't look bad! I can certainly wear THAT in public. A little sexy, not for the wimpy, but something I can wear in front of my Dad.

I'm pretty sure I've got less belly than in the old photo there, too. At any rate, I don't have to buy a suit. Happy.

[Houston Heather]

I'm a pint low.

Went to work, got the milk, ate a burger, donated blood, came home. Ron donated too.

Now it's naptime, drinking lots of fluids, and taking it easy tonight.

Tomorrow it's shopping at the thrift stores!

[Houston Heather]

Tired, groggy, a little dizzy. Pretty standard for just donating. I took off the bandage.

I thought it was funny that I got a coordinating bandage that matched my shirt, and Ron did too.

Tonight it will be leftover burger (double stacker, no sauce, no bun), and some canned green beans (I'll save the juice for the next batch of soup).

[Snowman]

Good for you and Ron donating blood! The gym that I go to is having a blood drive and I might donate. Not sure yet.

That bathing suite is cute, you look good in that blue! I bet your belly is smaller.

Your cruise will be here before you know it!

Hope your tummy is feeling better today.

[Houston Heather]

A little voice in my head says "Why bother with this post? You're just whining and no one understands or cares."

Remember when I said I knew I'd get depressed? It's here with a vengence, pretty nasty as mine go on medication.

Did you know that half of all people with bipolar illness ADMIT to attempting suicide? Did you know that 1 out of 10 people with bipolar illness WILL commit suicide? Pretty awful statistics. I know some cancers have better survival rates.

#1 of course is don't go off the pills, EVER.
#2, for me at least, is when I feel like a total failure, a waste of air, why am I even alive existential misery... I remind myself that this is a symptom. I AM A WONDERFUL LOVING PERSON. JESUS DIED FOR ME. The way I feel is not who I am, it's just a symptom of my illness. Some people have agonizing physical pain, I have mental pain. It doesn't make me any different from anyone else.

The action when someone's having an episode is very similar to a seizure. They've done MRI studies. Perhaps one day they'll learn to prevent it all together. I'm enrolled in a familial DNA study of bipolar. My maternal grandmother was a paranoid schitzophrenic. My mother had bipolar disorder. I have it. My sister has a mood disorder, and virtually all the neices and nephews are either depressed or full-blown type 1 bipolars (the severe form). Eventually, they'll gather my DNA, get my records, and figure out where I'm different than "average". Perhaps they can eventually test and discover the trait before the suffer is even born. That's important work for me, especially since my symptoms are well controlled on lithium. It worked well for my mother but only intermittently, I believe due to her continued drinking.

Maybe they can test and find the trait when someone's a child, and start them on a preventive course of mood stabilizers before they have their first episode! Oh, happy day. Because I stuck it out.

I'm not suicidal, the medication takes care of that. On a 1-10, it's about a 3. It hurts, but I'll live.

I sensed it coming, just the edges, around dinnertime so I took an extra lithium. I'm a little groggy. I can't, for the life of me, find the ACKING garlic! I had a big jar somewhere but it's gone... can't find it. Because I'm running depressed now, I want to flog myself over that or spend forever searching. But if I haven't found it yet then I won't find it tonight. I have more garlic. I will not beat myself up. It'll show up.

I'm medicated, of course I'll be a little slow tonight. And... I found it. Along with the measuring spoons, in a cabinet that was very logical.

Bubba's home, he says meow. He's very sensitive and gets cuddly when I'm doing poorly.

I'll get through this. I just need to remember a couple of things:
1. Feelings are just symptoms of my illness. Just because I feel lousy, doesn't mean I am.
2. Take care of Heather! I am sick, I have an illness. A little pampering will not ruin me.
3. Don't beat myself up for "failures". I have a hard time with that.
4. Don't sit around brooding, get out. Sunshine (even if it gives me a rash) and exercise, Days Out, are the best things I can do for myself. Go hit some thrift stores, look around. Get out the knitting... drink a diet soda and maybe go to Starbucks for a heavy whipping cream thing.

Good, I can feel my extended release lithium kicking in... things are leveling out. WHEW.

I'll be taking 900 mg tomorrow, that's for sure!

[skeopple]

Heather, Does it help that I am so proud of you and impressed with how you know yourself, your situation, and how you handle it? Well, I am. You have so much going for you and that cruise to look forward to. The men in your life love you (Ron and Bubba). I love you. Get well. Get better. Anything I can do to help, let me know.

[Houston Heather]

Thank you!

Generally I am OK in the mornings, it's the evenings that are bad.

Ron is just being a total butt this morning. First it was waking me up at 7, on my day off, because "The cat is meowing". So, ignore him! If he gets into my bed, meowing, I tell him no and go back to sleep. The cat is fine with this routine.

Months ago Ron was yelling that I had cluttered up "his" counter. He had all kinds of his crap on the counter, plus all his food he didn't want to bother organizing and putting away. I'm not putting his starchy crap next to MY food. Some of it was even as simple as putting drinks in the fridge for himself.

I said "These battery chargers are taking up a lot of space, and you don't even use them!" He told me to get rid of them. Where, I asked. He didn't care.

So now he's pissed at me because he can't find it. Hello! YOU put it away, not me! It's in his room, somewhere. But it's EASIER to get angry at Heather, scream, curse her, call her names, stomp around, shout her down when she tries to tell the above paragraph again... have a freaking PITY PARTY of WHY DID GOD STICK ME WITH SUCH AN INFERIOR WOMAN. Later on, he'll probably get drunk and then it gets real fun.

You may think I'm exaggerating. I'm not. These are all words right out of his mouth.

I don't need this ****! I'm already depressed, my back hurts, I'm sick to my stomach...

"God stuck us together..."

Ugh. I am going ...

OUT.

Edit: As I was putting on my sunscreen a very subdued husband came in the bathroom. "I found it in my drawer". NOW he's sorry.

[Houston Heather]

I'm actually a little mixed today. I was pretty hyper until I took a lithium with lunch. Now I'm more "normal".

Here is a little treat before I take my nap: photo time!

Picasa Web Albums - Heather - May 2009

I would appreciate any and all comments, especially regarding the hot pink and black dress. I think it is "formal"/dressy, am I right?

[Houston Heather]

I got my results from the blood bank:
BP 104/66 Thank you Lexapro!
Cholesterol: 179 (I had stopped taking my COQ10 due to my stomach issues last week).

[Snowman]

Heather ~ Just for the record....I CARE ABOUT YOU!!! You wouldn't believe how many times a day I think about you! If I'm out and eat a bunless burger for example, cause I know you do that too!! I think to myself, Heather does this and she looks good!! I'm with skeopple, you know yourself so well!! That impresses me, keep up the good work!!!

I LOVE the Liz Clairborne dress on you!!! You look so good in that dress and look at those legs!!! The pink flowered one & the pink/black dresses look nice too, but my favorite is the black Liz dress! You look so cute in your capris & purple top today too! Glad you got out shopping, looks like you hit the jackpot!!!

[skeopple]

Aw poop..I had a long post with my review of each picture. Don't know where it went. I'll try to remember:

The purple t-shirt and scarf in pocket of capris looks totally comfortable and shows off your figure. It's a great color on you.

The chiffon type dress with the pink flower makes you look pale, just not the best style or something. It's okay.

The black lace up with pink=you're right; sassy. Looks fun.

Then, the black lace/metallic top looks like a good pair with your black broom skirt. That 's a very, very nice looking formal-type look!

The black Picone is very nice looking on you, Heather.

But the Liz Claiborne was designed with you in mind! You look absolutely charming and beautiful in it. It's surely my favorite picture of all we've seen so far. That's my choice for sure. WOW, you look stunning in that one!

[Houston Heather]

The funniest thing ever is the fact that I had just read that devotional about how God takes care of our clothing needs, right before Mom told me I needed more dresses! Then, God lays out THE PERFECT dress for me.

I was a little concerned about the pink, I loved it but???? Thanks for letting me know it's OK!

I wasn't thrilled with what the light floral did for my figure, Sharon.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FEEDBACK!

The t-shirt and shorts are my "usual" look.

Not depressed tonight! I took an extra lithium. If I get on top of it at the start, the depressions aren't too bad.

However, the evening could be summed up by "Belch, groan".

I ended up eating a bowl of oatmeal to keep my pills down.

[skeopple]

I hope you have other family take lots of pictures of you and Ron on the cruise.

I'm glad you're levelling out tonight. Sleep well!

[Houston Heather]

I didn't sleep well but that was due to neighbor dogs barking. I believe a dog got out and sniffed around their yards, provoking hysterical barking. I slept well enough.

I went to work and got some bad news, they are laying off 253 people! They only have 1100 employees so that's about 25%!

YIKE! Good thing Ron and I can live on the cheap!

Not much stocking to do, but Ron mainly wanted to go so he could get some change to deposit in the personal account. After work, we did so.

My aunt emailed me and gave me her feedback on the outfits, which was wonderful. I called Mom, who thinks all the dresses are "adorable". WHEW.

I wasn't always good at the fashion thing, and a lot of the time I was downright embarrassing growing up. I have brain damage, but no one knew that! Anyway, I want them to be proud to be with me, not ashamed.

They won't be. That's good to know.

The cruise won't be going to Mexico but I was a little twitchy about going even before the flu. I'm fine with that.

I have reached a depressing conclusion: sodas are messing up my stomach! The nausea attacks ALWAYS follow a soda, the evidence is irrefutable. I'm going to have to cut them out.

Pray for me!

I took a Lithium 150 at lunch so I'll be nice and level today.

[Houston Heather]

Something funny.

I'm pretty clumsy and uncoordinated when I'm taking the right amount of lithium. It would matter if I were a ballet dancer, high-rise construction, etc but generally it just results in an assortment of bruising. This morning I ran my cart into the back of my leg... OOWWWWW.

I'd forgotten about it. I fell over Ron's wheelchair, etc. The usual "Properly Medicated" perils.

Just now, I stubbed my toe... OWWW. I thought about using my arnica cream, and remembered I needed to put it on my other bruise!

Arnica doesn't necessarily improve healing time, but it makes the bruise FAR less painful. I even used it on a broken pinky toe. I stubbed it on Ron's potty chair. Sadly, I can't even blame THAT on the lithium, I wasn't diagnosed yet!

[skeopple]

Aw, Heather; kisses to all your owies! Be careful, you don't want to be all black & blue & bloody on your cruise!
Have an enjoyable Friday.

[Houston Heather]

No owies... the arnica worked great! I don't look too bad, either.

Here's a prime example of what happens when Ron and I get together with a digital camera:


Singing: "Isn't he lovely... Isn't he lovely..."

[Houston Heather]

So far I've only had 2 cans of soda today. I got very sick to my stomach after both.

Hm. This isn't going to be as hard as I feared... God has a way of eliminating my addictions by causing them to make me very ill.

Now that I'm cutting out ALL diet soda, I expect to get on the losing train again! I'm not freaking out about it, I am PMSing, but I've whooshed before right before my cycle. Who knows?

It's bound to improve my health, for sure. That makes me really happy.

[Snowman]

OH, HE'S LOVELY!!!! What a good sport Ron is!!

I am so glad you found out what is causing your tummy issues! I'll be watching you, if you start dropping the pounds, then I will give up my diet soda too!! DD is always after me to give it up...she's right I really should quit drinking it!!

[Houston Heather]

I got some nice teas in "Little Vietnam" today. I also discovered a fast food place that makes KILLER meatballs that had Ron begging for more.

I had a good day. Glad you like Ron, too.

[Houston Heather]

Hm.

I seem to be "detoxing". Interesting.

Tomorrow, I have another outing planned. It ought to be fun.

[Houston Heather]

An interesting morning. I got up around 8, caught the 9:50 bus.

I bought myself a bucket of iced tea at a fast food place and drank that as I walked 2 miles up the road to the OTHER ethnic food market. I just love Texas.

However, I will never attempt to walk it again! Very scary! No sidewalk, a huge culvert, and having to balance on the edge as cars roared past at 50 mph. If I weren't taking my pills, I'd have had a big time panic attack.

I drank the entire quart of tea on the way. I found a dollar store that looked interesting and went inside. They have a really nice collection! I was very impressed. Loads of cleaning products, for instance. Probiotic tablets. Fake Oragel - I bought some for Ron, he has a tooth that bothers him.

I finally figured out the location of the market and went inside. I could tell I was dehydrated, I found myself yearning after the water in the lobster tank! EW! I couldn't find a water fountain and they wanted almost $2 for a tiny bottle of water.

However, they have a water vending machine. They're all over Houston and very commonly found in Grocery store parking lots. 25 cents gets you a gallon of water, you provide the container. I had my quart to-go cup.

I put in my quarter and it filled up. I yanked it out and chugged the water quickly, then stuck it BACK under the faucet until it filled up again.

25 cents got me a quart and a half of good-tasting, cool water. It's almost 90 today, sunny, and windy. I needed it! I felt really smart doing that.

So, I went in the market. I looked around. I was mainly interested in teas, but maybe some of the old-time patent medicines, or some spices... who knows.

Ron had given me $10 which went to lunch - more on that later.

I was pretty happy with the tea selection, although the family market has cheaper prices. I know where I'm going next time!

I got some various black, oolong, green, and white teas. I got a couple hundred tea bags for about $11. I also got some dried black fungus and dried seaweed. It might be interesting to put a smidge in my next batch of soup. Ron never eats my soup, so why not?

I checked out, after realizing the patent medicines they did have were way overpriced.

I didn't want to walk back the way I came so I had Ron use his phone to find out how close I was to 1960. Not far, so I walked it. Total miles walked today are about 4.

I was right next to the Burger King and Ron had given me money! I bought myself a triple stacker and a value onion rings (16 carb grams). I figured the walking would help burn it off.

I didn't drink a drop of soda today! I am also down to 170 straight, no water retention in my breasts, and slimmer measurements.

But I only got off the sodas 'cause they made me pukey.

[Houston Heather]

I told Mom and Dad about the Bibles I was handing out (one driver was reading his at a red light!). Everyone seems very touched and grateful... only one person said no and I asked if she was sure. She said no thanks. Oh. Ron said she probably needed it the most! Hey, I can pray for her! Ha ha ha.

Anyway, they told me about a ministry that gives Bibles away. I signed up for some English and Spanish Bibles. I still plan to buy some, but I'll keep giving them away.

I really want to have made an impact by the time I "graduate". It would be wonderful to have dozens of people coming up to me in Heaven, saying "Oh, it was such a comfort".

Anyway, I feel God wants me to do this, I'm taking my pills, and I'm not breaking any laws handing out Bibles.

Tomorrow, I hope, and pray, that my cat does not bring me a Mother's day gift. They tend to favor giving me live things. Frosty loved to bring me snakes! EW!

Ron's gonna pay me Tuesday. I can hunt up a garment bag for the trip on Wednesday.. all the details, but almost done!

[skeopple]

Heather, Ron sure is a good sport! You are silly!

You're awfully brave too. Don't take that walking route again. Scary indeed.

Enjoy the great deals you got today. Sounds like you're making God smile too, with handing out Bibles. Where do you buy them again? We don't have public transportation out here in the north country but I'm sure I could find someone here and there that needs the Word.

[Houston Heather]

Oh, Christianbook.com. They sell ESV New Testaments for 99 cents. If you buy 10+, they're only 79 cents. You can barely get a tract for that! I checked 'em over, they're legit.. nice little salvation plan and Bible reading thing in there.

I got these: Plan de la Vida: Evangelio de Juan LBLA (Life's Plan: LBLA Gospel of John) - By: Holman Bible Editorial Staff - Christianbook.com

and these: The ESV Outreach New Testament, softcover - - Christianbook.com

I also went under "Church Supplies" and bought English Footprints postcards, beautiful, 25 for about $2.50, and the same thing in Spanish.

This morning's driver said no thanks, but the one who took us home said Thank you!

After I get back from the trip, I plan to buy some NJKV Bibles (the whole thing is $2) with some "Read the Bible in a Year" tracts and more Footprints cards. Stick 'em in the Bible and you're good to go!

Even if someone says no, they do it graciously.

QUEASY! I was so desperate I drank 2 sodas and even ate a 1 ounce bag of chips! I'm drinking some Sage tea right now to see if that helps. My Herb Book says sage is good for dizziness, nausea, etc... so maybe it'll help.

It's staying down... thank God.

I'm going to take a nap and then mow the yard. Fun, fun... at least it counts as exercise!

[Houston Heather]

The sage tea seemed to help.

I took a good nap, Ron mowed some until he got tired... and I mowed the rest at 5:30, when I told him I would.

I got some of the Blue flavored Powerade Zero (no carbs) out of the disaster kit and was highly impressed. It really helped. I'll be buying more!

[Houston Heather]

Ugh. Nasty headache woke me up at 5. I drank some diet iced tea and it abated, enough for me to go back to sleep.

When I woke up at 8, it was still...lingering. Long story short, 2 bottles of diet dr and I feel better, but it's still there. UGH.

I loaded up my backpack with my NT bibles and the Spanish ones. I gave one to the driver (Spanish), it was well received. Handed out a bunch at Walmart, I'm going to go count and see how many I've got left.

I bought 25, I have 11 left! That's the English! Great! People are really nice about getting them, they always seem very touched and honored.

Ron bought us a garment bag at Walmart too.

Off I go to the thrift center.

[skeopple]

Hi Heather, DD29 is really sick today and off to the doctor. I hope we don't get a Spring round of any kind of flu! Although, if we all get it now, maybe we'll be immune later? She still had to drive her friend to work, that's no fun. And if they test you for the pig thing, it takes so long for the results.

Have fun at the thrift center! Don't go walking thru the toolies today!

[Houston Heather]

Oh, I had a blast, and the Spanish-language Gospel of John was a big hit.

If DD likes garlic, putting extra garlic in her food won't hurt, and won't interact with anything the doctor gives her. If it is THE FLU you'd be immune later on, because you've been exposed and fought it off. Once your immune system recognizes it, it can whack it.

When we came home from Walmart, we found a bird in the bathroom. It was live, and on my shelving system - 8 feet tall. I could tell we had a problem because Bubba was starting intently at the top of it! I shut Bubba out of the bathroom, opened the window (no screen) smart birdie flew right out. Then I had to clean up the bird blood - ick. Although it didn't seem badly damaged, it was very lively. But I had to clean up.

After that, I needed a trip to the thrift store! I bought myself a large iced tea on the way. I found Ron a really nice light blue button-down shirt, and I found myself some awesome bermuda shorts Old Navy, magenta, and fit me perfectly.

It started looking ominous for rain so I came home "early". We have a severe thunderstorm warning tomorrow.

Ron surprised me (happily) with planning a trip to Burger King after work and the bank. Fun! I can hit the good Dollar store and another thrift stop, maybe Walmart. It'll be fun. Ron will go home from Burger King, and my cart and I will go adventuring.

[skeopple]

Good Morning Heather! Sounds like you had a good time yesterday. Today sounds fun too.

Doc said it was a "normal flu". She's better today. Not normal, but better.

We have two new thrift shops in the area that I hope to explore Wed. or Thurs. after I get paid (if I have any $ left after paying my bills).

You guys don't need anymore severe thunderstorms!

Enjoy your day!