Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

Battling depression today, but Bubba cat is being cute.

I gave some treats to the neighbor dogs. They like 'em.

I'm going to try to take a nap, I have to get up at 3 tomorrow morning for Dr Pepper.

[Houston Heather]

I made a decision today: When I see my doctor, I'm going to ask for another antidepressant.

I had horrible depression today. I was very sweaty (Lexapro side effect). I ended up taking another lithium (basically unheard of) and it was very effective! Before, irritable, couldn't focus, miserable. Afterward, more pleasant, slightly foggy, but better able to focus.

Ron mentioned that I seemed more confused in the last couple years, "since your bipolar diagnosis" - I told him, that's the lithium. You don't stagger away from me, screaming about me being a monster anymore. You aren't calling social workers begging to be placed into a nursing home, just to get away from me... all true. He agreed. He seems to find it "cute" which I find somewhat annoying, but then I thought "Heather, it's just your brain, which is totally scrambled today".

After Lithium #2, I was better. After Lithium #3 - did I want that depression back? HELL no. So I took it at Burger King after work - and I'm not toxic so I needed it.

I just love having a mood stabilizer, up or down? Take this and you'll feel better.

Anyway, I was thinking, probably need to go up on the Lexapro. Which is fine, but what isn't fine are the sex side effects. I can have a drive, and be depressed, or not have either. I didn't realize how bad it was until I did reduce my dose.

My period started today - early (27 days!), so I don't even get to enjoy what little drive I had. Grr. Sorry, I know Too Much Information.

So, when I see my doctor in about a month, I plan to ask him for an antidepressant that:
Won't make me fat
Won't kill my drive
Won't make me eat constantly
Is generic and cheap.

I plan to do some research, too, on my own. If there really isn't a better alternative than I figure something out - but it's a pretty big deal.

Other than my dilemma about the lexapro, I was fine today. I got hungry about an hour after I ate, very annoying. I ate a can of sardines when I took my lithium at work. I ate a stacker, no bun, while gaping "You've lost a LOT of weight!" Burger King employees stared at me. I'm not hungry yet.

I took all my supplements and some asprin because I did start my period. No real cramps, thank God.

Tomorrow we go to work for a few hours and then Walmart - Ron wants more food, and then home again. That's it.

Wednesday, I plan to get my hair cut and then go to the fun garden center, eat out somewhere and have fun. It might rain. What is it with my days out and rain?

Oh, and the donut deliveryman told me he saw me when I was out on Saturday. He described the time and place perfectly. He pointed at me and said "That's the lady who made you the blanket!"

I made her an afghan after her house was basically destroyed after the hurricane. They rebuilt and moved back in a few weeks ago.

[dantesmom]

Hi there Heather! The past few days I have been catching up on your journal. I wanted to tell you that you and Ron are so inspiring. All that you guys have on your plate and you guys just keep on going. You both are so lucky as you really are a match made in heaven!

I am also so sorry about your recent loss of Frosty. Many (((hugs)) to you!

[skeopple]

Sally, Ron and Heather don't just keep on going...........they are productive and smart!!!!! And Heather creates magic fabric with her knitting. They are indeed one special pair. And ya know what else? They are in true love. Cute couple

[Houston Heather]

Awww....

I got a lot of knitting done today.. two rides from hell on my paratransit.

First ride, late, the radio is cranked up so loud (the dispatch radio) that people could hear it a block away. Ron and I begged the driver to turn it down... nooooo.

He smiled (meanly) as he refused. I turned up my Whitecross (gospel heavy metal, singing about Jesus coming back and kicking the devil's butt, etc). Ron turned up his music. Out came the knitting. I had it turned up so loud and I could STILL hear it.

We could have called and complained, but Ron said it well "He will be roasting in hell if he keeps up like this".

The problem wasn't the talking, it would be quiet and then the drivers shout into the microphone. I'm jumpy - always have been, it's a feature of the FAS. I also can't handle a lot of audio input like noisy crowds and such. It was like getting hit in the head again and again. Both Ron and I asked repeatedly for him to turn it down.

I kept knitting, Whitecross going on about resisting the devil and such... almost done with my blue leftover scrap #1. Picking people up, dropping them off. We picked up one lady with empty luggage and she got dropped at the liquor store.

I finished about an inch and a half before we got dropped. Here's a photo of the first strip for the afghan, with a special bonus of messy living room:
Picasa Web Albums - Heather - March 2009

Anyway, we got to work. We had long enough, for a change, and actually sat around waiting on the ride. The milkman was playing games with the other vendor, but not us. Maybe 'cause I always bring him a soda!

We had a good ride to Walmart after work, but our pickup from Walmart was over an hour late - that's right, more knitting. Ron loafed in the Sit and Shop wheelchair, which was barely wide enough for his skinny butt. I have no idea how they expect "average" disabled people to fit into those things.

I found some really cute knit cotton drawstring shorts in my favorite color, turquoise! I bought a large. I remember when I was so eager to get down to 2XL so I could get the size 20 shorts... wow. Now I'm in a large, instead of a 3X. I ate some bunless hamburgers for lunch, along with a lithium, because I was pretty irritable.

I don't like being shrewish if I can help it.

Oh, I did some research. Basically, there is no antidepressant that is effective for bipolar disorder, won't make me fat, and won't screw with my sex drive. But, I started taking Black Cohosh, an herbal supplement, because I feel my hormones are all out of whack.

My cramps were NOTHING this month, and from what I've read in my Herbal PDR, it is very effective at helping women get their drive back. Awesome. I know, way too much information but I thought that was pretty great. If it works, I'll let you know, but not the details!

Generally, when I hear things about other people's love lives, I'm like "I wish they hadn't told me!" I have learned I don't want to know. Period.

Anyway, we have tomorrow off! I have a fun day planned: Hobby Lobby, Haircut (Ron gave me the money for a haircut), and the garden center. I might get some marigolds or another shade lover for my Frosty garden.

Bubba's loafing in the closet, being regal. I'm getting sneaky with him.

He loves a certain cat treat so much Ron calls it "Crack". He can ONLY get it by getting into my chair, next to me (couldn't do that last year, I took up the whole chair!), and I feed them to him. He tries to make me give it to him on the floor, or on the edge, but nope.

If he doesn't want to be cuddlier, he can always bring me another cat like he did with Frosty!

About the only thing I need to do tonight is some laundry and more knitting. I'm having a lot of fun using up the leftovers from other people's afghans. I had leftovers, after making other people afghans, that I'm using for my own afghan. It's like a family reunion.

[skeopple]

That picture is awesome; kind of like a sarape in colors, etc. That's a neat idea to put the black strip in between colors!

How interesting; lady with empty suitcase goes to liquor store?

Hey, the lack of sexual desire while on antidepressants is real. And horrible. Won't get into TMI, just believe me.

[Houston Heather]

The paratransit service can't knowingly transport liquor, I believe. Hence, suitcase. I'm just moving some ... luggage.

To my mind, alcohol will only make things worse, not better, but then I'm biased. Alcohol has not done nice things for me. I have never met a person who was "fun" when drunk, for instance. They are either embarrassing, scary, or both.

God, I am so burned out on Ron tonight. He was yelling at me about the housekeeping, and I walked away (for multiple reasons). Why did I walk away? He was talking to me!

I told him "I'm hanging up your clean clothes, just one of the things I never do around here... oh, and here's the prescription I didn't pick up, and the food I didn't help you buy, and the ID card I didn't help you renew... and you want me to DROP EVERYTHING whenever you ask so I can tell you what the junk mail is on the fridge, or look at leftovers for you?" Ugh. I so need a day out tomorrow.

I'm starting to get that animal with it's leg stuck in a trap feeling.

Edit: I finally calmed down.

What does he do? He comes in the computer room and sits down. "Why are you in here, you wanted me to leave you alone."

"Why can't I" blah blah blah house is messy.

I kept telling him, I have A LOT ON MY PLATE! A perfectly clean kitchen table is not possible right now.

"Why not?"

I repeated myself...

"Oh, I'm depressed too, Heather."

Hm. Practicing, internally my next reply of "LEAVE ME ALONE DAMNIT!"

[skeopple]

Here's hoping you both got a good night of sleep and rest. You know he loves you to pieces, Heather. And I know you love him too. Just a 'bump' in the road.

[Houston Heather]

Yeah, I just needed a Days Out. I read a good sci-fi book years ago. One of the characters was a woman with healing ability. The pressure to heal would build and build until it was almost unbearable. Then she'd have a "Nights Out" and go clubbing until she encountered a sick clubgoer (cancer, infection, etc), then she'd start to get intimate with them and BAM heal them. They had no idea it happened, and were very groggy afterwards. For her, pressure gone.

It's similar for me without the intimacy part.

It started out interestingly. I rode 2 buses, good transfers! I only waited about 10 minutes. I had about $20, plus $20 for a haircut. Ron, the horrible, horrible beast, gave me $5 for lunch. He wrapped it around my cellphone.

I got up to the strip mall and the haircut place was gone! Empty! ACK.

My hair kept falling in my eyes and I needed a haircut. I called Ron (I'm trying to cut back on a Days Out because Ron wants to do his thing without hearing from me every 10 minutes). He couldn't find my hairdresser.

O-kay. I went over to Hobby Lobby and got 2 skeins of yarn. I realized recently I didn't have any purple, and that's just wrong. I bought a skein that matched my shirt and bandanna perfectly. I also got a crayon ombre - bright primarys with white sections in between...cute for an afghan I've got planned. Or it would be a really cute hat.. or mittens for a kid. I am very partial to Red Heart yarn by the way.

They had free handouts - learn to knit and learn to crochet. When people see me KIP (knitting in public) I get tons of questions and lots of people watching me. That's fine, oddly enough I don't care if they watch me knit or crochet, but if they're just watching me I get very twitchy. I thought it would be great to have a simple handout I could give people with the basics of how to make a slipknot, cast on, knit and purl stitch. Maybe even some basic crochet info, too.

Oh, a couple months ago I had bought some embroidery floss, but they only charged me 29 cents for a 1.99 item. I fixed that today, the cashier was shocked. I'm not that great, this happened months ago.. but it's fixed, I'm happy.

So, I picked up one each of the flyers when I selected my yarn. Next door is an office store, the kind that offers all kinds of services.

I went in and got 25 copies of the flyers, side by side, for $2. That ought to hold 'em for a while! I'll carry them in my bag and hand them out to interested people.

People always want me to teach, but I don't think I'd be a good teacher. I see myself as impatient and not very good at articulating concepts.

I went to one of the places where the hairdressing place might have moved... but the hairdresser wasn't there. I liked one lady working there, so I gave her a try. She did a good job and I thought it was cute how she wanted to make sure I was still feminine with very short hair. She was thrilled with the tip. I also gave her one of my "learn to" flyers because she was interested.

After that, I went out to the bus stop. I talked to a guy who I believe also had FAS. We had a good time talking and I realized I really am an extrovert. I can walk up to complete strangers and strike up a conversation, and have a good time doing so. The bus came and again, not a long wait to transfer.

This time I rode to the garden center. I got off and they recognized me (kind of hard to forget, I guess ) I waved and smiled and looked around. Orange impatiens for out front? Something fragrant for near the front door? Definitely. I found a "Wintergreen" mint that has smaller, attractive leaves, a nicely different mint fragrance, and a nicely vigorous growth habit. I sound like a catalog! :P Anyway, I got it. $2.49 I had $5 left in my pocket, so I debated getting the Gotu Kola (I decided to wait because I don't have a spot for it yet, and I don't know anything about it's care either). I considered another violet for out front but also decided to wait. I do plan to get the Gotu Kola and the violet this weekend, after I get paid.

Oddly enough, I didn't see any marigolds. Hm. I paid for the mint and tucked it into my cart, in the folds of my coat. It smelled great all the way home. I've got it sitting out front now. I plan to give it a few days to acclimate and "visit" with the other plants, and then pop it in the ground near the front door. I like the idea of mints - as you brush them they'll release fragrance. They spread vigorously, but that's OK. It's concrete on 2 sides and grass on the other 2.

I went to a gas station and bought a "meat stick" - it was good, and a diet soda. I did some more knitting, using up the blue ombre. Here comes the bus. I got off the bus... there was the other bus, stuck in traffic. I got over to the stop in time to transfer. Yay!

Now I'm home, and a lot more relaxed. I'm going to take a nap.

[Houston Heather]

I had a great nap with Bubba stretched out in bed with me. Ahhhh.

I slept about an hour (nice!) and got up and ate some dinner.

Ron and I reached a compromise on the housekeeping, half an hour every day where he can point out areas he wants fixed and I'll do it. We can both live with that. It worked great tonight!

I love having short hair. I'm going to go wash out the sculpting foam and get ready for tomorrow.

[Houston Heather]

Rain, rain, rain today.

Today we went in for a few hours and then we met up with Chuck. We tried to put air in the tires on all the carts, but one tire is bad on one cart. Not too bad considering the cart is probably 20 years old. Those Mag-Liners are great carts.

We came back (I had only eaten a slimfast low carb with my pills hours earlier) and went across town. Ron wanted to try the gumbo at a New Orleans style eatery. They sell beignets and gumbo.

A beignet looks like this:

It is fried dough with a mountain of powdered sugar on top.

Ron and I didn't communicate, I thought he was going to a place that was next to a Burger King. I can always eat well at Burger King for the price of a beignet. He went somewhere else that didn't have a Burger King.

I ended up eating a lousy salad with no dressing, because they don't do sugarfree dressings. At least they were honest! And no they didn't have any plain oil for me to use on my salad, either.

I was starving so I ate a $11 salad that wasn't worth it. I kept thinking that was 3 (quad) stackers. I said no to all the pastry and cafe au lait - milk has been implicated in migraines, so I don't dare on a work night.

If they hadn't had the salad, I would have gotten into the cans of sardines I always carry. Ron said the gumbo was good, but not like he remembered. It can be very frustrating to love him.

He said he was sorry and asked what he could do to make it up. We had passed a House of Pies. I told him, call them and find out if they have sugarfree. If they do I want a slice.

Ron offered to buy me a whole pie. I said no, I don't need a whole pie, I just want a slice. When I went in to get it (and it was delicious) I noticed they have liver and onions, and full meals in addition to pies. It looks like a fun place to go.

And they have delicious sugarfree pies! I brought home my treat and ate it.

Ron and I both took a nap. It's raining again, looks like we got home just in time.

All we need to do is buy a new tire for the Mag-Liner.

Oh, and Bubba got into bed with me for my nap.

[Houston Heather]

Well, I got up early today and went to work. We had a couple of things to do, including taking the money out of the machines and counting it. I did that. Metrolift came early, right as all my postal workers were taking their breaks, a couple of people asked me for help but I had to tell them, sorry, can't help you now. I hate that. We're going back on Sunday, and taking Monday off (Ron has to go to the doctor).

We had a nice driver who took us to the bank.

An interesting story. I don't know if I told you about the embroidery floss. I had bought some - one skein at $2, and a few skeins at 39 cents. When I got home and checked my receipt, I realized they had charged me 4@39 cents. I took forever to get back to Hobby Lobby and fix it, but I did that a few days ago. I told them I wasn't charged for it, and had them ring up the $2 floss and put it back. They acted like it was a big deal, I was a very rare person, but I have to live up to my own moral code and the 10 commandments - #7 says don't steal.

Today, at the bank, I had stuck $100 into my front pocket. When our ride showed up I jumped up and bolted for the cab. Apparently, in the process I dropped the $100 - $70 of it is going to a hospital bill.

I came back in and found a guy picking it up of the floor. Bank employee. I felt my pocket and realized my money was gone. I told him "That's mine. It's $100, five twenties." He made a big production out of counting it and held it in his hand for a second after he did. I reached out and said "I need it to pay a hospital bill." I called Ron, who stood up. He looked at Ron, looked at me, and gave me my money back.

WHEW. I put it into my purse. Good thing I was honest! That kind of thing ALWAYS comes back to you. But I have to wonder, if I hadn't come in at that second, would he have kept the money? I think he would.

The same driver who took us to the bank now took us to Walmart. I had a half hour. Forget trying to make the deposit and order checks, not enough time!

I bought myself a few hamburgers (no bun) and some for Ron - he loved them. Ron and I had talked, and decided if a cup of gumbo goes for $10, why not try to make some ourselves? I picked up a jar of roux (a browned flour/grease paste), celery, chicken thighs, sausage, and onions. I also plan to get a really good chicken stock, too. Ron is partial to the chicken and sausage style. There's also the seafood gumbo, but that has crab. Ron doesn't like crab.

We figure to try it ourselves. He used to make huge multi-gallon batches of gumbo. It was messy, smelly (if you don't like gumbo), and a huge pain. I told him, let's just make a small batch, one quart. If you like it, great. We have a recipe. I don't mind making gumbo every week or so, but I don't want one of those huge gumbo cookoffs.

Ron can help by cutting up link sausage and celery - I've got to start growing celery, you know the conventionally grown cost $2!!! I'll cook it off, and he can seperate out the chicken meat, bones, and gristle.

Then I'll cook him some boil-in-a-bag rice and he can eat that with the gumbo. I got the rice already.

Ron's allergies have been bugging him so I gave him some Zyrtec. No more coughing! Poor baby sounded awful but he's fine now. I just have to remember to put that on the list of medications when I fill out the doctor papers.

They didn't have Bubba's favorite cat food but they had some "chicken feast" he ended up liking. I also got some contractor garbage bags (55 gallon) and clothespins for the garden. I put the garbage bags (a nice thick black plastic, the black will retain heat) over the tomato/pepper/eggplant/vining squash cages and pinned them into place. The smaller things, the cucumbers and things, I put small plastic buckets over them, and then something bigger over that. I don't want my babies out there shivering. The black plastic will retain the heat of the day and keep them pretty snug at night. We could get down to mid 30's on Saturday night.

We're not supposed to get cold snaps this late! I did have one pepper I hadn't planted yet, I brought that into the house and put it under a light. I had planned to get some marigolds, but I don't know about that now. Ugh.

Tomorrow I plan to have a day out and go shopping, but I'm not sure where yet.

I used my half hour at Walmart and came home - same driver again. I covered up the plants while it was warm and dry. The kid who brought the pit bull home from college still has his dog out back - it whined and cried, wanting to come play. Poor dog. I did throw it a few doggie biscuits when it was off in another corner of the yard. If the kid brings his dog home for summer, those dogs get BIG - it could get into my yard. I don't want a dog running around in my yard. I've put up a barricade but I don't know how effective it would be in the long run.

Anyway, I covered everyone up. I need to do some serious mulching, little weeds are sprouting. I pulled the bigger weeds. The ground is really, really wet, so I can't do anything that involves digging. I'd mess up the soil structure. I also need to harvest some of my greens, which are bolting. When they go to seed they get bitter tasting, if you don't catch 'em quick. I need to figure out how I want to cook them.

Anyway, with work Sunday and Doctor Monday, I plan to have fun tomorrow. I'm not sure how I'll do it yet.

[Houston Heather]

Bad migraine today.

More tomorrow.

[skeopple]

Maybe this will make you feel good, Heather: Zer's sister posted for her today at 300+ Support! She has internet and is supposed to be on here soon.

So sorry about your migraine

[Houston Heather]

I'm glad to hear good news about Zer!

I can move my head without screaming. I'll call that a win.

Yesterday I ate some no sugar added ice cream. A whole pint. Not smart, Heather.

I woke up today with a bad headache, which got worse. I tried to go out anyway. I didn't go far.

I ended up at the grocery store, bought some canned stuff for the disaster kit, made my deposit and ordered checks, got Ron some no-salt chicken stock for his gumbo. Then I basically crawled home, took a phenergan, and curled in bed. The pain was exceptional, far worse than usual. Sometimes I wonder if I have an aneurysm. Cheerful thought.

I tossed and turned, very carefully, had horrible migraine nightmares, the usual. No puking. When I woke up the headache was still horrible, so I took another phenergan and laid down again. After about an hour it was down to a 4 on a 1-10. Still throbbing.

I got hungry so I made a batch of pumpin pudding - I could because I bought more pumpkin today! Yay, me! I have extra pumpkin for the disaster kit and the regular pantry, too.

I watched my movie on sci-fi. Not bad, not great. Bubba put his front paws in my lap, begging for treats. I believe in rewarding good behavior. He didn't like the texture of my knitting under his paws, unlike Frosty, so he didn't stay. He is making such obvious, sincere efforts to be the kind of cat I want that I won't change anything. He will be the only cat until he brings me another, or he dies (not for a while, please, Lord).

I ate the entire batch of pumpkin pudding and took my pills. Yay, me! Definitely groggy, my meds always do that after a migraine.

My plants are still covered so they ought to be OK. Tomorrow it's just work and home. Monday, it's work, Doc, eat out.

My deposit covered the hospital bill payment, the checks I ordered, and $30 for disaster kit supplies.

I got some meats: chicken, sausage, taco - each in it's own sealed can. I also have things like ham, beef, taco, bbq, sloppy joe, etc. Taco only has 4 grams net carbs. Then I got more of the veggie stew blend, it's a mixture of dehydrated veggies like tomatoes, spinach, cabbage, etc. Since it's dehydrated it'll keep forever until I open it, then it will cook up into lots and lots of veggies. I can use it for side dishes, main dishes, add some meats and make soups, really endless possibilities. I figure since we had our gas stove during the hurricane it's a safe bet to assume we'd have it during other things.

I feel very well prepared now. I do need to get some more lard,canned fish (I really like the smoked fish in the cans), mayo, and some starchy stuff for Ron.

I'm going to lie down. Head still hurts.

[Houston Heather]

I got a very alarming letter from a family member, now they aren't taking my calls. Ack.

Yes, mental illness can run in families and it tears me up to hear this person describe the symptoms. I could have been writing it. I have to leave this person in God's hands.

Seeing how this is all so manifest in our DNA - I'm so glad I never had children. I would hate to watch a child of mine suffer with this illness.

Today we got up and went to work. I filled up snacks, which needed work. Ron did his thing. We came home and I did a little work in the garden while trying to call ___ repeatedly.

I did some weeding, mulching, etc. All my squash, cukes, etc are looking good after the recent cold snap. Even my eggplant is happy. One pepper looks cranky but we'll see. Maybe it just didn't like living in an upside down garbage bag for a day and a half.

Ron wants gumbo and he wants me to make it. If it turns out, I'll put up the recipe.

[Houston Heather]

I talked to the person I was worried about, and I feel WAY better. They were ducking my calls while at work. Understandable!

I'm actually running a little manic today, which is a nice change of pace. That is the good thing about my illness, I can always count on my mood to change.

Something really cool. Walmart has these knit shorts for $6. They have them in turquoise, Heather's all around favorite color of all time. Except purple... I love them both passionately. Anyway, they had the shorts, in purple. I like the styling even though it isn't exactly flattering. It has an elastic waist with a drawstring. Somewhat baggy.

I got a pair in Large - 12/14, even though I thought they looked too small. Even though I wear Walmart 12's straight across the board, I still doubted. I put them on today to go work in the yard. Oh, I'm blind... Heather's outside in her purple tshirt and turquoise shorts (pity the poor neighbors)! And they fit. They fit spreading mulch, and weeding, and carrying bags of mulch, and big buckets full of pebbles, and sneaking treats to neighbor dogs...

They definitely fit. They are loose enough that I feel comfortable. They are long enough that I don't feel trashy. And they're TURQUOISE!

Yay. I might even get another pair. These look great for hanging around the house, the shorts and an old t-shirt. OK, I can't type, time to go.

[Houston Heather]

Heather knits, the junk food queen: Trying to carry the world on my back

[Houston Heather]

It's going to get better, I know that, but it's been a tough depression for me.

Normally they only last a couple weeks, I get manic, then I go back to normal. Not this time. Ugh.

I really hope I can find my tunes tomorrow. I really miss listening to positive music. Right now, I can only listen to my tunes when I'm in front of my computer. Thank God I'm a backup freak.

[Houston Heather]

Ron just got me a little 4 gigabyte MP3 player.

Busy day, got a lot done. More later.

I decided to take an extra lithium last night; because I needed it. A little groggy today but a lot better mood-wise.

[Houston Heather]

I need to eat and take my pills. Sometimes I feel like that's all I do... work, eat, take my pills.

OK, 2 hours later. I found some frozen omlettes in the freezer, there's dinner. Hung out in front of the TV...getting used to that empty lap and knitting.

I'm almost done with strip #2 on my afghan. I have fun with it.

So, this morning. Got up, went to work. Worky work work. Bank. Deposit. Deal with Ron's outrage over not being allowed to make a deposit of rolled nickels, had to UNROLL all of them and do it their way... Ate some bacon and cheese while waiting, that's lunch.

I got Ron some crackers; that was his lunch. All he wanted to eat, too.

Anyway, then the hand surgeon. I had enough time to walk to Starbucks. I got my whipped cream thing, got Ron a frappuccino and cheese danish (that was his real lunch). Walked back to the medical building, consumed the food. More knitting.

Ron said he'd buy my player today. I sure could have used it.

The bag of goodies I brought was a big hit with the doctor's office. He is a snickers junkie and they saved him one out of the bag. He was more excited about the snickers bar than the afghan I made him after the last operation!

Next visit, we're bringing him a CASE (48 count, full size). Anyway, he told Ron, it's definitely carpal tunnel. Surgery April 15.

Ron mentioned he'd like a neurology referral so they gave him one, she is in the same building. Hopefully she will have a better bediside manner than Dr Gloom. He's a good guy, but very depressed and not at all outgoing. Maybe it's just that depressing to see us? I dunno. Anyway, Ron wants a user-friendly doc. He's gonna get one.

He called the new doc and was very happy talking to the assistant. She will be getting his records from Dr Gloom and the hand doc. Probably also the hospital ?

I don't think she can fix anything, but hopefully she can answer his questions. That would be great. Ron really needs to have this explained, by a medical person. I'm "just" a wife. I'm OK with that.

Tomorrow is my days out. Right now I'm not feeling so "Oh, let's go out and have fun!" If I need to, I'll take another lithium, even though they make me very forgetful and downright stupid at 3 a day. Ack. Risk/benefit. ACK.

Anyway, I'll have fun if it kills me. I'll have a lot of taking Ron to the doctor the next couple weeks (my other job), so I need to take time for me when I can.

[Houston Heather]

Migraine today.

I spent MY day off curled up in bed like a skewered shrimp, Bubba-cat loyally by my side. He's a good boy.

Ron had been very sweet, cute, and loving even before the headache. I'm just feeling bitter and cheated because of my migraines.

The good news, I suspect in the mid 90's I might have had a miscarriage. The only thing worse than ME having a migraine would be watching a child I loved suffer with one. Not to mention, from mid 90's to mid 00's, I would have been a HORRIBLE mother. I finally told Ron about it today, he was very supportive.

I did manage to get a very little amount of knitting done, and watched a few sci fi shows I like (I'm very partial to Stargate and Star Trek Enterprise), so it wasn't a total loss.

I'm sure one day, God will show me why He had to keep me home today.

In the meantime, not much tomorrow. Ron's boss visits to help get our mag-liner fixed.



I generally have it in the down position illustrated with "Senior" - and I keep it loaded up with merchandise. I can roll it out at a moment's notice and fill up "my" snack machines. It has a bad tire, but Ron says he knows how to make it work. Cool.

We also go to Walmart. I'm going to keep an eye out for a cute white sundress, that's the family mandate "White, cream or light aqua sundresses" for the women. Ron escapes by wearing a white buttondown shirt and khakis. We are doing a family photo. Very important to Mom... etc. So, we'll walk the line.

I did put up a horrible photo of an orange and purple abstract print sundress - just to tease them. My sister in law loved it.

Seriously, I do need to find some cute dresses so I'm going to look at Walmart. Hopefully I can find something that will work, without breaking the bank. I had planned on going to the "new" thrift store today...

[Houston Heather]

I finally got my appetite back. I ate some bacon and cheese.

My cheese has some preservatives. I don't think I'll buy that brand again.

Tired... very common for me post-migraine.

[Houston Heather]

Tired today and downright cranky when I got home. I took a nap, feel better, but still tired.

We're having a windstorm - gusts up to 40 mph. We've lost the power several times so I'll try to post and then add some edits.

Got up early, went to work. I filled up the snacks, threw out bad codes in the food machine, and Ron said "If you can get the cokes we ordered, we won't have to come in tomorrow!" Sounded GREAT to me, I get a fun day off on a weekday, when the buses run more often. I hurried up and put up 50 cases of coke, and helped Ron with his sodas.

We did it! I went outside to wait and the driver asked me if we still had the deli. We haven't had that for years. For years after we closed the deli, everyone wanted to know WHY. "Because we didn't make any money, and lost over a thousand a month" - but most of them refuse to believe it. Just by virtue of existing, the deli made us rich. Oh, how wrong.. Many people still believe we service every machine in the building... wrong again. We only do about 1/4 of them.

Anyway, we got to talking to the driver. She is a former postal worker. She said the guy who hit Ron had cancer a few years back, but managed to beat it. This being the man who ran a red light and dragged him a block and a half. Wow. That was a shock. Really, he's a nice guy, I wish him the best of health. I don't like his wife much, she was very mean to me one day when I had called to give __ the update and told me not to call anymore. Sorry. He ASKED me to call! Anyway...

We went to Walmart. Rushy rush. Ron doesn't like long trips to Walmart now which makes me rush. I looked for cute white sundresses. I found a cute sundress in coral, but not white. I'll have to hit the thrift shops tomorrow. I got us some food. More bacon and cheese for me, cat food for the Boss.

Our pickup was a half hour late. We got a straight trip home, though. I was happy to see it. I was beat! Something had blown into my garden so I had to go out and clear it up. The pit bull behind us (not Barky, the usual dog, but another one that's been there a few weeks), was clawing at the fence and whining.

If it wasn't such an aggressive breed, I'd feel a lot better about it. This dog is gentle, sweet, and lonely. But it's getting stronger and it wants in my yard.

I could be mean and write the homeowner a letter. He didn't even know his son brought the dog over. If I wrote him a note and said "Your homeowners insurance will not cover the pit bull. You need a special pit bull policy to protect yourself. If the dog hurts anyone you will be personally liable for damages" - this, to a man who told me "I can hardly feed myself" would assure the dog's departure. But it's not aggressive, it's lonely. I'll leave it alone now but if I do see the homeowner I will talk to him. I need to find out how long this dog will be staying; if it's any length of time he needs to go to the hardware store and fix the fence so his dog doesn't end up in my yard. The fence boards (about 10) are rotten and fall off easily, and they secure to his side of the fence. I can't do any repairs without going into his yard, with his dog. Not that I would. Anyway, an issue I'll have to watch. The last thing I need is a large dog in my yard, tearing up my garden and scaring my cat. For all I know, the dog's leaving in a week.

Bubba got in my lap this morning! He was so precious! He stood there in my lap and let me pet him for a few minutes. I had to push him down so I could give him his numnum. I got the good stuff today "Tender Beef Feast" - his favorite. I got him enough for 2 cans a day, for over a week.

I finished another strip on my afghan and made a good several inches' progress on #3. I plan to make 5 strips and sew them together, then single crochet all around the edge for added stability. I just need to figure out how I want to do the colors.

[Houston Heather]

Today I just tried to have fun and get things done. Pun unintentional.

I went to the Starbucks near my house. I had time to get my heavy whipping cream thing. Then I got the bus to the thrift store. I got off and checked it out. It was badly damaged during hurricane Ike, and has been remodeled. It looks very nice.

They had LOADS of dresses. I found a lot of cute dresses, but I was mainly looking for something to wear in the family photo. White, size 12ish, not trashy.

I found an adorable black cotton eyelet dress, with a flouncy, cute hem. I got it. $10. I also saw a really cute sheath dress, Hawaiian print, for $2. I don't know that I'll wear it but it's cute and I like the fact that it's in MY closet now.

I tried on about a dozen various dresses. They didn't fit, or they were trashy necklines, or ... I forget, I blocked it out. Pretty traumatic.

I rolled off to the bus stop again, this time the mall. This is a nicer mall. They have a Coach handbag store, for instance. Well!

I went into a couple of juniors store. They had some really cute sundresses, nicely tailored and sassy. One problem. My chest. Apparently a 40 inch bust and a 31 inch waist are not compatible. The items that fit my waist and hips, did not fit my bust. I couldn't even get the zipper within a few inches of closing. I was glad it was my chest and not my hips causing this problem.

I found ONE item that fit, in the third store. But a very trashy neckline. I could just envision the photographer posing me next to my Dad, or worse, one of my brothers... no. It was so low cut it went BELOW my bra band. I am not a prude but no way could I wear that in front of family. I was so desperate I actually considered it.

Agh. Anyway, I finally found an Old Navy. I knew they had some cute stuff, but would it work? I found 3, white dresses in Larges and XL's. I figured I don't care what it says on the label, if it works it works. I am a L.

Out of the 3 white dresses, the least horrible was the white maxi-dress with crochet trim. If you're that bored, you can find it on the Old Navy website. It seemed to add a foot of width to my hips. Not happy about that. I feel I will look like the white whale. But, it's not my party, and Mom doesn't ask for much. She had to deal with an unmedicated, bipolar, brain damaged, very emotional child for 13 years... plus some nasty stuff I said after I moved out. The least I can do is slap on a non-trashy white dress and smile. I already have an adorable white cotton "doily" style crocheted triangle shawl. I can wear that "with". Or I can get another $7 Pashmina shawl off of Ebay in white.

I was happy to discover I have black and turquoise shawls at home... so I can interchange them with various outfits. Turquoise and black eyelet dress... or black satin and black pashmina.

I also found a SO CUTE I HAD TO GET IT sundress, in cobalt blue, for $15. Ron bought both dresses. I bought the matching hobo bag and the cropped, 3/4 sleeve sweater to match. Again, I can wear the cobalt sweater with other things in my wardrobe. They have one in magenta. I want it... but all they had were XS and even more amusing, 2XL - I would be falling out of that! So, I have to wait until the restock, and according to ON they have matching sweaters.

That means, all 3 nights, I have cute dresses and "wraps". Thank God! All I need to do are grab some of those cute turquoise capris (Walmart, less than $20), maybe some new t-shirts for me. Turquoise flats for day, maybe, ON has them for $10. I already have dressy flats and plenty of sandals. Ron has come nice oxford buttondowns in the closet. I need to get them out (they're in a plastic bag on the floor, good thing Bubba isn't a pee-er) and wash them, try them on Ron, too. If they don't work, back to the thrift store.

I've never had a difficult time getting cute (?) appropriate tops for Ron. People always complimented the color choices. Ron and I are both "Winters" so if I like it, he'll look good.

My bacon is calling.

[skeopple]

The picture clothes and 3 nights are for your upcoming cruise, right Heather? I don't remember when it is. Sure sounds like something fun to do. Who does your work while you are both out of town?
I'm looking forward to the day I can shop thrift stores or just plain Old Navy regular sizes! Good for you Heather

[Houston Heather]

It's a 4 day cruise, early June.

I need 3 night's worth of clothes (almost done). I also need to get a strapless bra that will work with my dresses. I think I'll look at Old Navy, and take one of their dresses into the changing room. I'll know if I'm showing.

That's the other odd thing. My band size is between 34 and 36. Most times, I can wear the 36. I guess I'll get that.

I got Ron's shirts out of the closet and they look OK. We'll see how they do in the wash; or if they even fit anymore. He's the thinnest he's been since we got together - he only weighs a little more than he did back in '92.

[Houston Heather]

Ron, like his Dad, LOVES to sleep with the TV on. Unlike his dad, he uses headphones. He runs the signal through an amplifier and then plugs the headphones into that.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night, finally dropped off, and was awakened by a deafening level of infomercial. Ron was pretty groggy so I made it stop on my own; sadly, this is NOT the first time it's happened. That happened about 6 hours before I had to wake up.

Today - TIRED, somewhat manic (about a 2 on 1-10). I told Ron, I'm nervous about the surgery. I'm always nervous about him in surgery. I don't like the idea. He reassured me he'll be fine, but I told him, I'll feel better when you're recovering.

We went to work. I was rather shrill for a few hours until my Vitamin L (lithium) kicked in. Sadly, I didn't get the energetic mania, just more cranky. Anyway, we got all our work done.

Then, off to Burger King! We only had 10 minutes there. Ron ate a double Stacker! He said it wasn't bad! Let's hear it for ground meat - I'm sure he can use it. His ride came in about 10 minutes so I loaded him up, told the driver "Good news, I'm not riding. Bad news HE is."

Since I was feeling spendy (and Ron had given me a little spending money) I went over to the Dollar store, got myself some headphones and oddly enough, a cute little purse that I'd swear is real leather, in a royal blue that PERFECTLY matches the dress I bought yesterday. Wow. The odds of that are near impossible.

Then, off to Hobby Lobby. I considered maybe one tote, but got another in Royal Blue - I thought that would be a lot more stylish than my usual natural canvas totes I use for my knitting. Nice for the cruise, I thought. Only $1.25 on sale.

I looked at the beauty supply store, nothing struck me.

I got across the street from the bus stop and saw it leave. OK, over 30 minutes to wait. I called Ron and we talked, then I did some knitting and missed my mp3 player. A lady offered me a ride, I said no thanks, I had my knitting. Can't be too careful these days.. sad but true.

I had plenty of sodas today so that went well.

I forgot my hat, again, so I'm a little itchy from a sun exposure rash. It's not obvious.

Next stop, the mall, again. I had really been thinking about a couple of clothing items. I ended up deciding against all of them . I walked out of the mall with 5 t-shirts, and 4 of them cost me $5 each. I've pretty much determined that I've got plenty for my trip, plenty of dress up clothes for regular life too.

I've also decided that if I stay here at 170, I'm OK with that. 5 years ago, I got skinnier, but that was before my medication. If I can't get down there, that's OK. What's important is that I'm a lot healthier. I am carrying a pretty heavy load right now, recovering from the loss of my baby, dealing with family illness (the depressed family member), dealing with Ron's new disabilities, dealing with Ron's impending surgery, the stress of a trip AND seeing the whole family again... business is down... etc. Oh, yeah, and I'm bipolar and I've got brain damage that affects my ability to process information!

Anyway, with all that on my plate, I can't handle juggle in active weight loss. I don't intend to eat more than about 35 carbs a day. I do intend to stay active (hours of lifting at work, pushing Ron in wheelchair, housework, and hours of walking for "fun"). I don't plan to touch any bad things... but if I'm really craving some fruit, or no sugar added applesauce, I may have one of those 10 carb individual portion cups. We'll see.

At any rate, if I stay this size for very long (between a Medium Misses top, to an XL juniors top; and generally a Walmart 12 to 14 for fancy brands pant), I can use some more t-shirts. I got a cute periwinkle (I am sadly lacking in pastels), lavender, orange (it isn't flattering but some days I'm in an orange mood - it's a very outgoing color), and magenta in the lady foot locker brand - size M. I got a $10 tshirt, with a suprisingly modest neckline (comparision between it and a v-neck in purple, shows the v-neck is trashier), in a glorious deep blue, in a Large. I'm happy.

I have 2 bermudas, a skort, drawstring cotton shorts in turquoise, grungy shorts - a couple, black jeans (I will only need the one pair), and some rose colored jeans. Plus the dresses. That's plenty of "bottoms". I've also got a couple pair of leggings running around the place.

I'm just waiting on the tops to dry, then I'll hang 'em up. I took the doors of my closet, it's one of those not very deep, runs the length of the room deals, and I put my (stained it magenta, myself) dresser in there. I hang the tops and shorts above the dresser, and longer things off to the side. I also store some yarn and wool in plastic crates.

I took everything that wasn't fitting me right now, and all the long-sleeves, and put them away. The long-sleeves are banished to one side, because the weather is very changable here. That's why I never store my jeans, either. It looks a lot fresher and more interesting. I have some really nice sleeveless tops.

I tried on some bras I had off to one side, and they all fit great. So no rush on bras, except I need a strapless.

I know what will happen. I'll be eating in moderation, OWL style. I'll buy my strapless bra in a 36. I'll drop a chunk of weight and some chest, and I'll have to get new ones! Lucky me, if it does.

If it doesn't SO WHAT? I am healthy and I will not be eating foolishly, but I won't put a load of weight loss on myself right now when I'm already carrying too much. That's just stupid.

My mother didn't drink THAT much when she was pregnant!

[Houston Heather]

Today, in the dressing room at Walmart, I remembered why I didn't want to buy a strapless bra before. I found a nice one for around $9, but the 36 was too tight! I couldn't stand the thought of a 38, even though it's obviously what I needed.

I compromised. I bought the 36, and some bra strap extenders. It fits great with the extender. Now, if/when I lose an inch or two off the ribs, I can just wear it straight. It works great with the necklines on all my dresses - thank you Jesus! That was a concern. I also found a really cool body shaper that goes from under the bra strap down to the panty line. It looks like a panty on steroids. I got the kind in the nice fabric, less than $10 - yay! When I got home and tried it on with some outfits -WOW! It makes me look fantastic! I look as if I'd dropped another 10-15 pounds. It's sized for a 31-32 inch waist, so it's perfect and I can wear it for some time.

I got one in black. I like it so much I plan to get another one in nude - I can wear it under the infamous white sundress. I plan to wear it with dress up outfits, not everyday. I'm not sure how comfy it would be, or healthy. I like to breathe.

I also found a "boonie" hat. It's what I wanted. A nice foldable hat I can stuff in my bag, with a chinstrap, that has a wide brim. My sun rash is very annoying, almost like mosquito bites and about as itchy! Only $7.

I overslept and didn't prepare this morning. I went to Walmart hungry and unmedicated. I am happy I ONLY ate a biscuit! McDonalds should have known better than to put it in my big breakfast platter! I made Ron eat the hashbrown. I took plenty of fiber and drank lots of plain water to help flush the carbs out of my system.

Ron has begged me to go to Starbucks with him. I'll get my whipping cream thing, and wait, and wait some more for our pickup. I won't miss the waiting on the pickups.

I hope to "sell" him on my Starbucks which is far easier to get to and better located.

[Houston Heather]

He wants the address of "my" starbucks. I told him, the first time we go he needs to show them the lawnmowing photos, so they don't freak when he starts coming in by himself.

We had a good trip, not too long. He called a cab to take us home, money well spent.

Housework! Yardwork! Dishes! Cooking! Nap - a nice one, too.

Now bed.