Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

I got some good books, finally The Comforts of Home being my favorite. I learned how to do the basic homecare stuff. Ron's finances were finally fixed to the point that he'd get a modest check every month, enough to cover our expenses, from the other vendors who managed his machines now.

His family said they were on board and willing to do whatever it took - until a meeting when it was decided, "In Ron's best interest" he would be moving in with his parents. I would be caring for Ron and his two elderly parents, in a tiny house in a horrible neighborhood. What about going HOME? No, that was out of the question, and I wasn't a wife so I had no say in the matter. I walked out.

A few days later, his brother kidnapped me and held me hostage - he was going to walk into Social Security and demand to know what I'd done "wrong" so Ron could go to his nursing home. The one I'm sure they'd already picked out.

I finally blackmailed him into letting me go by telling him "Ron and I don't have secrets. He tells me everything. I know your secret and I'll tell your wife if you don't let me go."

As I left, I asked him a question "Who does Ron ask for?" Whenever I was gone, Ron asked for me constantly. They would try to tell him, she doesn't matter, we're here, but he'd keep demanding me. He never did that with anyone else.

His brother's parting shot was "If Ron loved you so much, he'd marry you." I was furious. We were supposed to have a family meeting with the therapist that day - learn how to get Ron from his bed to a wheelchair. I was pretty horrible at it and dropped him on one occasion. Ron begged his therapist not to let me transfer him anymore, that's actually one of his first memories after the accident.

So, I walk in. His brother has phoned everyone and told them his version of all this. I am alone in the room. The therapist walks in "Where's the family?"

"I'm here"

It was 1 day before discharge when this all happened. His family had promised to help me with transportation home, prescriptions, groceries, getting a wheelchair, getting Ron a BED TO SLEEP IN, and some home health equipment. I didn't believe I could care for Ron on my own.

When Ron found out about his brother's parting shot, he got so angry I couldn't understand what he was saying. He called his brother and said "If the family can't give Heather the respect due my wife, I don't want to see them, EVER!" That was the last of them.

I naively assumed that they still had Ron's best interests at heart. No. It was made painfully clear to me about 18 hours before discharge that they were out of the pictures. I hadn't wanted to depend on them, and when I had, they let me down. Worst yet, as far as they were concerned if Ron loved me that meant he COULD sleep on the floor (He had a mattress on the floor because his back acted up occasionally).

I went home and put the twin bed (mine) by the closet, so Ron could use the doorknob as a handle and pull himself up in bed. I put Ron's mattress on the floor (kind of like Ruth and Boaz in the Bible, I thought) for me.

I had hysterics all over Ron and he told me, I don't care, you are better for me than this whole hospital. I want to be with you, Heather. That's all that matters. You love me, and I love you.

Ron's sister came by and screamed at me. She was so horrible the nurse came in and told her to shut up, or get out. She kept saying I had "ruined everything". I finally realized, I don't have to kiss your butt anymore! I walked out on her. She was so mad! I felt awful leaving Ron in that hospital bed at her mercy, but he needed to see the real her. "You don't have any power over me" were the last words I said to her.

I got smart about our situation after this and told God, Hey, Lord, I need you again, I need:
A wheelchair for Ron
Urinal and bedpan for Ron
Shower bench
A ride home from the hospital - about 40 minutes
Prescriptions for Ron - a social worker WOULD be coming out to verify this.
Food for both of us, and the cats.

I told God, "It's your problem now". I opened my PM's on a Christian message board I'd been posting on. Janice had tomorrow free if I needed a ride home from the hospital. Ride, check.

Then Home Health called. They had the wheelchair and shower bench, and would deliver tomorrow. Awesome.

I stole a bedpan and urinal from the hospital.

Chuck called, they had done a collection and they had $XXX. He wanted to pick me up after he got off work at 11PM, drive me to Walmart, get us groceries, and help me put them up at the house. Then he drove me BACK to the hospital.

That only left the prescriptions, which I dropped off at a grocery store near the house. Then I had a "can I help" guy pick them up for us and bring them to the house after Ron got home.

I don't miss his family. Ron has decided to act as if they're all dead. He tried for years to make peace, but they don't want it. They'd rather have him out of their lives. I hurt for him, but I don't miss them.

Ugh. Toxic. Ron heard them talking about me one day and he still won't tell me what they said, but whatever it was made him very angry.

I only ever told them, I'll take care of him, all I might need is a ride to Walmart now and then. Too much trouble.

I have forgiven them for what they did to me. It took a lot longer to forgive them for what they did to Ron, but I've done that. Frankly, I'm just glad they're out of our lives!

Toxic drama queens!

Oh, I slept on the floor for a month or two, then my aunt gave me an old daybed. When Ron got his social security settlement, the first thing he did was buy me a good bed (it cost about 1 mortgage payment), a TV - about $100, and an unfinished dresser.

Virtue is it's own reward.

Oh, I almost forgot. We got married on our anniverary, 9 months after the accident, and count the entire time we've been together as our "marriage".

I was nervous about marrying Ron after all that, and asked God for a sign He wanted us to get married. I was at a thrift store.

I found the perfect wedding gown - for $5.30. My aunt loved it when she saw it, so I got married in it.

[Houston Heather]

Ron didn't want to go to Walmart this morning, but we needed our medicine. He gave me cab fare each way.

My Risperdal used to cost us $140 a month. Today, 1 month's worth for me only cost $22. Same with my Lexapro, not that I got it, but it would only run about $20 because I can cut it up. Everything runs about $70 a month, if that, and it used to cost us over $200 a month. Let's hear it for low-carb and generics!

His (generic) Neurontin cost $100. Ouch.

He got me a USB extention cord. Instead of climbing behind my computer everytime I need to plug in an MP3 player or flash drive, I can plug it in on my desk.

I got him his TV dinners and such. I went to the garden center and sure enough, they had marigolds, lettuce transplants, and some collards. I like collards, they have kind of a "Poor Country Folk" reputation, but I like them. They are easy to grow in my garden, pickable any time, and survived a hurricane. I still have collards going from last year. They don't mind the weather at all. I got some romaine, collards, and marigolds. I have a serious marigold addiction.

I ate a footlong sausage on a stick while waiting on my cab. Tasty. Of course the expected gallbladder result. I just wish it would go one way or the other, but I'm going to let God worry about it. Bubba's lying on the floor behind me. He's a good boy. For Bubba, he's in my lap.

I also got my pink hair prints. They came out great, also my real man photo of Ron at work.

I need to get a new photo of him. I trimmed his beard and he looks great.

[skeopple]

Heather, I'm full of goosebumps, tears, and laughter~all at once. You and Ron are an amazing couple. You are a wonderful writer. I know what a "free giver" you are, but you really should consider writing a book or two. How about a screenplay? I'd sure enjoy the movie version. You would help so many people [COLOR="DarkOrchid"]SEE[/COLOR]. "If We Can Do This, So Can You." by Heather and Zer.
You could also do writings/books/movies on Aspies, Fetal Alcohol Syndrom, Bi-polar, Blindness, Thriftiness, Random Acts of Kindness, Handicaps, God's Hands. The list is endless.
OR, you could just copyright and bind your journal! When I see you on other threads, you amaze me with your insights and comments.

You are a joy to know and I'm proud and happy you are my friend.

My prayers for you are that God continue to guide and bless you.

[Houston Heather]

Awww. Thanks!

I figure God wants me doing just what I'm doing.

[Houston Heather]

I just watched Gifted Hands, about Dr Ben Carson. Wow. What an AMAZING life. If you see it on TV, put it in your DVR if you can't watch it, it's worth it.

I kept giggling during the surgery scenes, apparently a tool they use for neurosurgery is called a "bipolar".

[skeopple]

We don't have dish or cable. Do you know if it's available on DVD?
Is it a documentary?

nighty night for me

[Houston Heather]

Yeah, it's a documentary. It's based on a book by the same name "Gifted Hands" by Dr Ben Carson. You could probably find it in the library. The book I mean.

One thing his mother did which you'll probably approve - she said only 2 TV shows a week. No more television. The direct quote was "If y'all stop watching television, maybe one day you'll be ON the television!"

It worked, Ben became a pediatric neurosurgeon and his brother became an engineer. This is where I will teasingly say, Mom and Dad restricted my television and look how well I turned out. I believe it was an hour a week.

I used to watch Star Trek, Next Generation with my Dad. Good family times.

I've got a date, in the yard, with some romaine lettuce and collards. I'll take some photos, and put them up! If it works , I have a lot of doodads that ought to work.

I think some fresh air and sunshine will do me good.

Oh, WONDERFUL news. Ron got hungry last night. He got up, walked 40 feet to the kitchen, and opened the freezer. Picked out a TV dinner and heated it up. Unfortunately, he got the turkey dinner, which was not good, but he ate it regardless.

Then he put the dish on the floor for the cats (they like to lick the dinner trays), and went back to bed. I think it's great that he's able to fix his own meals now.

I'm still going to spoil him as much as possible, but if I had a migraine or wanted to sleep in he wouldn't go hungry.

Oh, blood sugars 100 this morning, and there goes my gallbladder on schedule. Off I go to play in the dirt.

[Zer]

Love that you are gardening. Collard 'trees' are so cute; look very Dr.Seuss!

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

WONDERFUL news. Ron got hungry last night. He got up, walked 40 feet to the kitchen, and opened the freezer. Picked out a TV dinner and heated it up. Unfortunately, he got the turkey dinner, which was not good, but he ate it regardless. ... I think it's great that he's able to fix his own meals now. I'm still going to spoil him as much as possible, but if I had a migraine or wanted to sleep in he wouldn't go hungry.

Must be some way to mark T for turkey, M for Mexican, B for beef on these dinners, so R can tell ahead of time what he's got in his hands. Does he read Braille? You could dot (with toothpaste?) a code letter on each box. Even ordinary letters might work, if you can add a big letter to each box. Raised. Toothpaste might work, to write a letter on a box. I wonder if toothpaste will stick in the freezer.

I know you set up his fridge food in certain places so he can pick stuff out like different apple snacks or HB eggs that are ready to eat.

[Houston Heather]

I just had them all mixed together.

I think I'll set it up so the meatloaf dinners are on the bottom shelf by the hinge, and the meatball dinners are on the bottom shelf, by the door handle.

I love collards because they do well in my garden, taste good, survive hurricanes, and I can pick them whenever I want. As long as you take off the bottom leaves, they keep producing.

I also bought some romaine because I love romaine lettuce. I neglected my garden last year and some lettuce went to seed, so I have volunteer lettuce in one of my garden beds. Also romaine, but this is a very pretty red variety.

About the only thing I need, are more marigolds and some organic fertilizer. I can never have enough marigolds. I love the smell.

My rosemary is doing very well too, I love the fragrance. I bought what was supposed to be an upright version, but it's the prostrate version. Oh, well, it looks really cool snaking around the collards. I have fun with it, but I do tend towards neglect when it gets hot and muggy out.

However, this year I'll be on half the antidepressant and 2/3rds the lithium so I might be better able to tolerate the heat. Naptime, I'm tired.

[Zer]

Marigolds are not only glorious eye candy, but are a natural repellent for pests, as is garlic and possibly onions and other pungent herbs. I love marigolds!

Great idea positioning R's food so that he can grab what he likes and avoid the stuff that is not his favorite food. So, who eats the turkey dinners, anyway?

[Houston Heather]

Well, he used to love them so I talked him into getting "just one". I'm more of a big hunk of meat and veggies eater.

I have a present for you, Zer.


Your very own collard tree! It's a little puny due to neglect and severe weather, but I planted it last year, neglected it for 9 months, and I think it looks great.

It was like this today, high in the 70's, windy but lovely:

[Zer]

I went through a period when tv dinners were my fare. As far as I'm concerned, turkey tv dinners are all about having extra cranberry sauce and lots of extra dressing. Oh, carby days from the 1960s are coming back to me, days of eating to drug myself after work. I'd get off work at midnight and eat myself into a stupor to avoid facing what a lonely life it was for a 20something kid to work a night job and sleep all day, watching soap operas for social life and then showing up a 4pm to work with guys who all went home to families. I was not fat then, at 20, but I sure packed away some serious carbs nightly.

Aw, what a cute collard tree in the making. I was surprised at how many old friends from Deep South found a way to grow a line of collard trees alongside their house, usually on a south side to get maximum sun in San Diego winters. Funny how different collards look, from plant to plant, variety to variety. I've heard that the collard benefits from a cold snap, that brings a sweetness to the leathery leaf. And I suspect you can wrap a plant in newspaper to protect it from cold and blustery weather, as my dad wrapped some of our plants in Ohio to keep them from freezing and dying. No, we did not have collards, but I'm sure a layer or two of newspaper will keep your collards growing from year to year - and don't forget the duct tape to seal the newspaper or plastic wrapping!

So the secret to collard growth is to snap off the lower leaves? That's how the plant grows tall and begins to look like one of Dr.Seuss's weird drawings?

[Houston Heather]

Look, it's Bubba!


The collard and the rosemary survived the hurricane together.


Garden bed two, all ready to go:


And Garden Bed one:


Yup, that's the secret! Snap off the lower leaves, and leave () at least 6 palm-sized leaves on the plant when you're finished.

I grow the "Georgia" variety.

[Zer]

Our cook was just telling me today she is raising beets in a couple of raised beds behind the kitchen in our bldg. I asked her about beet tops and she has promised to save hers for me to eat! I think I'll get her a couple of collard plants so she can watch them grow. She has carrots and tomatoes, she said, and I believe her beds are a foot or two high, for easier gardening, weeding and picking. Maybe I'll get her some marigolds too, for eye candy and for the beneficial effect of scaring off pests. Thanks for sharing your garden with us!

Are you growing any catnip in your garden? Maybe not right in the garden, as it may drive your cats - and other cats - to roll around and play crazy. But catnip might be a fun herb to grow someplace in your yard. What say?

[skeopple]

Do I see chives there, Heather? I love chives. I got a bunch when we went to my aunties old farm last summer. Chopped them up and dried them. I'm very stingy with them. They are sure yummy.
What do collards taste like? They appear to be thick.

I enjoyed the pics too.

[Zer]

Heather, check out Kale Chips thread for a snacking idea. Collards might work, since both kale and collards have a leathery leaf and plenty of fiber. Roasting strips in a hot oven with olive oil and lemon makes crispy chips! Check and turn with tongs every 5mins to get as crispy as you want. Golly this sounds yummy to me!

[Houston Heather]

Those are onions, Sharon. They're going to seed this year but they make a good neighbor for just about everything.

I'm going to try those kale chips, Zer. Sounds good. Kale and Collards are very related, different subspecies, but same species I think. Brassica olerica if I'm not mistaken.

Let me tell you about my day. Started out normal enough. Then, as we arrived at work, agonizing pain. It was a good 9 on a 1-10. Stabbing pains in my shoulder, plus a horrible gnawing pain in my upper right abdomen.

Horrible. Awful. Agonizing, literally had me doubled over in pain.

I decided, maybe I need to go to the hospital, but I'll wait a bit. It got worse. And worse. And worse.

So I left Ron to finish work, called my aunt, and went to the hospital. I was seen triaged pretty quickly. I told them I do have bipolar disorder and here are my meds. No one was interested in doses, though. :twitch:

I'm stuck in a room, curled up like a shrimp, in agony for over an hour before someone besides a nurse comes in. It's a physician assistant. He examines me, makes me scream, writes orders to draw blood. Which takes another hour. I never saw a doctor during the whole day.

They draw blood, give me a pill that has coedine in it (I asked specifically for no narcotics), then stick me on a recliner in a little room with a coughing, asthmatic woman. I get to hear her vomiting and coughing. The room is about 15x15, and there's the other patient, her mother, her friend.

Then my aunt shows up. It's even more crowded. I'm doing my best shrimp impression, curled up in a ball. Very bad pain. My aunt gets to watch me suffer.

Never got my vital signs taken except for the one time. Miserable. Pill doesn't help much, and the pain returns. I get worse.

Then the nurse comes in "I didn't want you to think I forgot about you!" (How could I think you forgot me? You never saw me to begin with.) "We're going to work on getting you out of here!"

Apparently I wasn't dead enough to qualify for emergency gallbladder removal. I'm supposed to "follow up" with "My doctor" - who would that be? The quack who almost murdered my husband with Bactrim?

They kicked me to the curb, with repeated offers of "pain pills". I don't want pain pills. I don't want narcotics! I am at risk of addiction due to my FAS and Bipolar disorder.

I am miserable, still, and disgusted. After we left I was hungry so I ate a quad stacker. Oddly enough, it provided the most relief yet.

And Ron? He worked too hard and too long on his feet while I was gone. He almost fell twice getting out to the bus stop on his own, and when my aunt and I swung by to get him HE was curled up like a shrimp on the bench like a derelict.

What lesson have I learned? Don't go to the hospital. They don't give a damn.

Off I go to curl up in a ball, again.

[Zer]

I'm sitting here with a big bowl of crispy kale chips, amazed at how good they are. We did collards as well, figuring leaf texture is similar to kale. Yummy! Oven baked with olive oil, cayenne, salt. Truly amazing. See link for recipe.

So sorry that ER provided no relief and no solution for your pain. What a waste of a day, waiting for medical attention. Did you go to the nonprofit hospital that you figure is your best bet for treatment when your gall bladder goes ballistic?

[Houston Heather]

Awesome, when mine get bigger I'll try it.

[Jean@125]

Just wanted to stop in and say Hi. Hope all is well with you and Ron.
Jeanie

[Snowman]

Heather ~ I feel so bad that they just offered you pills at the hospital!!! Hope you can find a good Dr. to help you. You deserve to be treated by the best Dr.!!! I wish I could help you. All I can do is pray for you.

Hope Ron is ok.

[Houston Heather]

Ron's about the same, no better, no worse. He really over did it yesterday so he's going to spend the rest of today in bed.

Zer, I went to the nonprofit hospital, and they just treated me horribly. I've decided if I get sick again, I'm going to wait until I'm half dead, and then go to the county hospital.

It has a pretty bad reputation but years ago Ron went in. He was having bad groin pain. It took a long time to be seen, but when they did he had 4 doctors examine him. They called in a urology consult. The guy came in at about 8 PM and was very thorough. They did an ultrasound. They did bloodwork, they kept checking his vitals.

Compare that to me yesterday. Which hospital gives the better care? Besides, they are the county hospital and they have to take everyone.

Oh, and the hospital sent us a bill. $175 for everything. I told Ron, if I get sick, take me to Ben Taub (the county hospital).

People at work were horrified to see me today. I looked horrible yesterday and pretty lousy today. The general reaction was "What are you doing here!?" It's nice to know they care but I'd rather learn another way.

Anyway, I'll just plug on with my regular life. I figure if God wants me to go to the county hospital, He will make it VERY clear, even more than yesterday. According to my aunt, I handle pain very well. I don't seem to be hurting even when I am, terribly.

Oh, well. I'm done complaining. Oddly enough I lost 5 pounds yesterday. It must have been water weight, I'm thinking. Very odd. We'll see if it sticks but I'm a little skeptical.

Ron said I worked my "tail" off today, helping. It's good to know I'm appreciated. We've just got a trip to Walmart planned for tomorrow, nothing else.

[Zer]

Heather, I've heard that ambulance arrivals are treated faster/better than any who come into ER another way. Not showing pain? That's a drawback. Try to let it show, even if you tend to carry on stoically no matter what hurts and no matter how nauseous you are. Moaning helps an MD who is picking up standard signals and who can miss subtle signs. As an Aspie, my wooden demeanor has probably hurt my chances of getting help at my HMO where I staggered in (2006, 2007 - but not at all in 2008 when I was unable to) on my own steam to appointments in a casual clinic setting. Better if I had ER attention back in Aug.2006 when my groin was hot and excruciating, on fire with a shocking new injury that kept me from sitting or rising using leg power. Instead, I got light stethascoping from idjits who saw me as a walk-in client, not as a person in distress. Better luck to you, next time. Go by ambulance!

[Houston Heather]

I plan to do just that, when I'm yellow, vomiting, and burning up with fever. I'm going to make DAMNED sure it's obvious I need the booger OUT.

BTW, the ginger root capsules are helping a lot with the nausea.

[Zer]

Glad to hear the ginger is helping. Do try some fresh ginger root, sliced and at hand to gnaw for fresh breath and for better digestion too. It's fibrous but... I like the burn of it...and I know it kicks my metabolism up a notch as well!

[Houston Heather]

I'm still pretty tender and queasy, but that's becoming usual!

I downloaded some good tunes for myself tonight, and we're going to Walmart tomorrow. I'm looking forward to getting some shut-eye tonight. We have some severe weather coming in but I don't think it'll be too bad.

I sure don't have to worry about watering my plants outside!

[Houston Heather]

Blood sugar was 98 this morning.

I ate. Stupid gallbladder acting up again! I hate the "moderate" pain - if it were worse I'd go to "county" but I don't want to wait around forever unless I'm in agony. I'm just hurting, but I can still think and everything.

AGH. Tired of this! Can't I just be WELL for a change? I'm done whining.

Oh, I did a new avatar. You can't see my face as well but I think it isn't bad. What do you think?

[Zer]

New avatar is very saucy, sassy, with hands on hips that are less hippy - YAY! Hey, I just realized you've got NO BELT on that pretty turquoise top. Not showing off your waist that day? And I think I can see a big grin, if I look real close!

[Houston Heather]

Yup. I didn't think I'd take a photo that day but I kept getting compliments. When I compare that to the navy top photo I can see less hip and belly.

My poor aunt is absolutely outraged by the treatment I got at the hospital, but I am confident that God's got a plan for me.

I went to Walmart, got Ron more TV dinners (sure don't have to worry about him starving!), and a couple more plants. More marigolds and a tomato.

The tomato looks so cute and tiny. Hard to believe it'll be a big monster in a few months (I have VERY fertile soil).

Still hurting but I had fun anyway.

[Houston Heather]

I'm not going to complain.

I had a nice day. I went to Walmart, I bought Ron lots of food, I bought plants for my garden, treats for the cats, and soda for me.

I came home and gardened in the sun, it was wonderful. I washed up and took a nap.

I had a nice cuddle with Ron, good conversations with him, did some housework, quality time with the cats, good meals for both of us.

See, I didn't complain!