Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

Frosty won't touch people food.

Ron would NEVER take cod liver oil, ever. He won't take any supplements but a multivitaimin. He's had pretty bad psoriasis, off and on, as long as I've known him. He says I do a better job with it than any doctors! I feel bad for him, because it looks "yucky". Fortunately this attack is well hidden under a pant leg.

His leg DID look a lot better today! All I'd put on it was some aloe gel. I went after it with some ACV on a cotton ball, dabbed it on (dabbing is OK, rubbing is bad with the neuropathy). I suggested he lie on my bed when the sun comes in my room and give his legs a sun bath - "Nah".

We went to Burger King today and he ate TWO burgers. I was thrilled. He said they weren't great, weren't revolting. He loved whoppers so he got a Jr Whopper and a small cheeseburger, plain.

I ate a triple stacker and had plain iced tea . It wasn't that hard to avoid aspartame today. It wasn't hard at all.

I went to the Dollar store and got some bandaids. Then I waited forever, rode the bus to Walmart. Walmart had my test strips for my blood sugar meter, $22 for 50 strips. Considering a lot of meters run a dollar a strip, and I'm uninsured, AND it's a tiny speck of blood, I was thrilled. Some of the cheap meters required major bloodletting.

I went to Walgreens (they were my backup blood sugar meter place) to look at makeup. I got some lip balm, a bottle of sparkling water, and some clearance mascara for a few dollars.

I waited about half an hour and caught another bus. Yet another loud, manic man.

The passengers were looking away from him and shifting their bodies away from him, as he loudly shouted "Hey! Hey!" at various passengers, trying initiate conversation. My favorite line "I'm going to buy a diamond ring!" Maybe you should wash your coat first, huh? "Who's got a drink! I'm thirsty! I want a soda! Come on, you!" (pointing at a lady with some groceries) "I know you got a drink in there!"

[big sigh] Awful! Awkward! Embarrasing! Revolting to me! Not because the guy was so awful, but the realization, yet again, that I would be just as obnoxious, if not MORE, were I to go off my pills - makes me realize how much I depend on my lithium.

It got better. I was on the Westbound Bus. I needed to get off and transfer to the Southbound bus, then the Northbound. I got off the West and waited at the stop. About 20 minutes.

I had a horrible thought. "If that - guy- from the other bus comes over here, would you sit next to me?" The nice young man was happy to agree. I read a great book about protecting yourself, and it said a stranger you approach is far safer than a stranger who approaches you.

When I got on my bus, there he was, holding court in the disabled section. Normally I sit there, but not today! I fled for the back. I used very strong, rejecting body language as I turned up my music very loud. I acted as if I looked at him, I'd die. No matter what (and I'm pretty sure he was trying to engage me at one point) I didn't look. Don't feed him and he'll find someone else. He did. He was going on.

Then his cell phone rang, THANK YOU JESUS and he was busy with that until I got off. As I got off, I fearfully looked behind me. He stayed on the bus!

After that, I needed a treat, it's very emotionally traumatic to see myself like that. I'm not sure why God is doing it. I figure if, I come up diabetic on my tests, God is saying "There's a lot worse things than diabetes" and reminding me "ALWAYS take your pills" at the same time.

I went to Starbucks and got my heavy whipping cream thing. By the time I'd almost finished it, the bus arrived. My sister called and we talked all the way home, and for about a half hour longer.

Ron was happy to see me, and so were the cats. I sure love my boys.

Fluffy was back. I think she and Bubba are having an affair. He's fixed, so no black kittens on the doorstep. A neutered male cat can have a love life. I know, it happened on my pillow once as I lay there, horrified. Enough.

Then the ever present naptime. I slept 2 hours.

I'm going to check my sugar tonight 1 hour after I eat my dinner. I have all the pieces I need to do it, and I need to get the hang of this because I plan to go after Ron now and then.

He'll never see me coming with the lancet!

[Houston Heather]

I was scared to death, but I did it.

An hour after I ate my dinner, I got out the lancet, blood sugar meter, and strips. It took me a couple of tries to lance my finger, I used the ultra thin lancets. The first time (setting #1) didn't really break the skin.

The second time (setting #3) I got more than I needed. I think setting #2 is it. I stuck the strip in the meter, it turned on and did it's thing. I had read the manual several times.

I applied the strip to my blood drop. It filled up and began counting down to....

110. Awesome. Under 140, an hour after a meal, is great.

I plan to check it periodically but at least I don't need to worry about diabetes. As long as I continue to low-carb, that is.

It didn't hurt! I was so afraid of it, but I bullied myself into it by thinking of a diabetic lady I rode with. Wheelchair. Blind. Dialysis. Infected leg ulcers. Bandage unraveling.

I thought "I bet she doesn't like to check her sugars, either!"

BAM. That did it. I pushed the button. Snap!

It didn't hurt.

[Zer]

OUCH! Hurt ME, just reading about your fingerpricking! Try icing it, with an ice cube first, to numb your finger. Maybe try ice with R, too, when you start working on him. OUCH!

[FitinCO]

Hi Heather, wanted to come by over here and see how you are doing! Reading your posts has been kind of a wake up call and an inspiration for me. I'm going back on induction and losing more weight, I just have to. I can see you are doing great!

The house charge was dropped last week in court, I knew you would want to know. I miss you girl!

[Houston Heather]

Yay! Happy Dance! I'm just sorry it went as far as it did, and I hope butthead gets what he has coming in the divorce.

I knew it was lurking around...the depression. I can tell when my meds are holding it at bay.

Ron and I had an incredibly stupid disagreement, I wasn't even mad, just frustrated that he was so angry and toxic towards me. I try to remember the impulse control center took a definite whack in the accident. Otherwise, I'd have left him by now.

He's been pretty moody, intense, and demanding. I try to be cheerful and not take it personally, but it's taxing. For example, he has this attitude that drives me nuts "We HAVE TO DO SALES TAX TODAY! NO MORE EXCUSES!" I'm like, what? If you want to do sales tax today that's fine but I haven't been making excuses. I find it a little disturbing, everything is far more important than it really is. Just ask me to do sales tax.

Case in point,the apples today. I had bought Ron two bags of apples the last time we went to Walmart. One Golden Delicious, one Red. I took him a golden because he'd asked for an apple. He can walk to the kichen, but if I'm awake he wants me to bring him one, cut up, into quarters.

I brought it to him, thus. He took one bite. This is awful. What happened to the Golden Delicious apple he wanted. I told him it was a Golden. He had me throw it out.

He just screamed and cursed at me. I'm wearing my mp3 player and listening to my tunes. He opened his door and yelled something. I said "What?" as I took off my headhpones. He started cursing.

I told him, hey, I'm ALLOWED to entertain myself, especially when you're in a foul mood. His feet hurt, he was in great pain... I answered his question. He starts griping again.

I finally told him "I know you're in pain but stop DUMPING ON ME!" I put my headphones on. I'm pretty sure I was called an F-ing B though.

Anyway, one day last week I was asleep and he made the arduous journey to the kitchen to get an apple. I keep them on the door of the fridge.

He said "The apples by the hinge of the door taste bad, throw them out." I did.

So, today, i got a few new apples for him to try. He got angry at me and said he wanted the Golden Delicious. I told him, you just had me throw them out! No, I had it all wrong, he said. I threw out the Red Delicious (then why are they in the fridge?).

At the end of his argument, I told him "Why is it, when you make a mistake, it's MY fault?" Then he called me on the phone while I was shopping and yelled at me some more. I finally had to do the "If you can't speak kindly to me, I'm going to hang up and I won't answer my phone." He hung up.

I mean, I could care less about the damned apples. I told him, I want to you have something enjoyable to eat. That's what this whole conversation is about, what kind of apples you want in the shopping cart. I do everything I can to make his life as enjoyable as possible. If he wants to starve himself, fine. If he wants to have pity parties, fine, but don't expect me to sit there and cheer you on.

I don't expect gratitude. The Bible says in Colossians, do your work as though you're serving God, not man, because you will receive your reward from Jesus himself. (Col 3:23). So, I do my caregiving for God. God's watching me and he will reward me accordingly.

Ron certainly doesn't deserve it. He's human, we all are, and no human is really worth selfless love. In my opinion.

So, on top of ALL OF THIS, the depression comes along and takes a major whack at me, right when I'm sitting next to grumpy. He's *****ing and moaning because our ride is late. I'm eating a couple of bunless burgers so I can take another lithium.

He sticks money out towards me "Here, count this". I told him "I'm eating". He got all huffy. Excuse me. When I tell him everything I'm doing he says it's too much "audio" and yells at me to stop. If I take 3 minutes to feed myself I get the rolleyes routine. UGH.

Anyway, it was a horrible depression. I managed to whack it OK by eating a Jonagold apple (Ron had refused to consider it), after the burgers and lithium.

Ugh. Now I need to lie down.

I did get some nice things for myself even though my budget is toast - some sunscreen, good food for me, and some berries and cream for tasty desserts.

[skeopple]

Awww, Heather. i hope the rest of your day is much better. It's so very hard not to let other peoples attitude affect ours. You are smart to whack it, medicate, nap, and continue on.

[Zer]

Wow, R is sure cantankerous! I'd stop throwing out food, as he forgets what he says and demands that food again. Golden Delicious can be disappointing if it is mealy instead of crisp and juicy. I prefer the small tart apples myself, to the red or golden delish. But you are an angel for trying to find food R will eat.

His pain must be awful, to make him so mean and evil to his main squeeze and most-caring caregiver. What a dork, to bite the hand that feeds him!

[Houston Heather]

I'm feeling better now, looks like 3 lithium a day for a while.

Speaking of medication, I was DYING to slip him something. I wont'! It's illegal!

But when I got up I waited for Ron to come out of his room so I could gauge his mood. He seemed OK. "Why didn't you come in when you woke up!" he demanded. I told him, I wanted to see if I'd get yelled at again.

As I began to fill out the sales tax paperwork, he said something very sarcastic and biting. "THAT! Is why I didn't want to get your attention!" He put a cork in it and realized he had to stop.

He needs to realize, this bitterness is going to destroy our relationship. It's not my fault he's allergic to Bactrim and I will not just "Take" everything he dishes out forever.

I am not asking him to "cherish" me, even, but I demand respect. Personal attacks on Heather are NOT cool. Sarcasm especially regarding my illness and brain damage, is very cruel.

I can get a job at the warehouse around the corner. I can get my own place.

He needs me a lot more than I need him! He'd do well to remember this! I'm starting to feel like I'm happier by myself.

It reminds me of a bad time about 4 years ago. He had thrown an affair in my face and wondered why I didn't "get over it". I was furious.

This woman hated me and I'm sure she had only done what she did to hurt me. I don't know why - I was always nice to her! She had issues.

Anyway, Ron had a dental emergency. He immediately went to the dentist and had a root canal. It cost $800. He was balking at paying for counseling (I paid for it, over a thousand dollars).

I told him, our marriage is a lot more important than a tooth! You need to realize that! He said, he'd only go to counseling if I paid and I did. 1/3 of my salary went to the guy who said "How can you be mad at a guy who's been through everything Ron has". Oh. My. God.

He didn't even NOTICE I was bipolar. Some shrink.

Anyway, if Ron were a smart man he'd join a support group or something, but I think he's going to be an idiot. He can't just keep dumping on me.

I feel like a toilet, the receptacle for all his bad emotions.

[Zer]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

I feel like a toilet, the receptacle for all his bad emotions.

Heather, how about seeking some solid support for yourself - aside from whatever marital counseling that you and R engage in?

You deserve a supportive counselor, one who can affirm all that you do to overcome your personal challenges (nevermind Mr.Grumpy's mood swings) as you extend yourself to support your marriage and your job, which seem to me to me intertwined in a way that makes one inseparable from the other. Hard to say when you are required to switch from your wife hat to your employee hat. That would be a challenging situation for anyone.

What are the chances you can find a social worker to support your efforts?

I'd also like to see R work with a professional caregiver who would NOT tolerate his petulence and bad behavior. You take a lot of guff from him that he would not dare to offer to anyone else. Do consider having him hire an aide who can come in daily to take care of R in a no-nonsense way. Can you see R haranguing a guy or anyone as he harangues you? With a caregiver at hand, you would be able to go where you want to - or just be a wife to R, a wife who is not a slave to his bad moods as an employer and as a man who seems to feel you exist to wait on him, peel him a grape or dice an apple. All on command! Grrr

[Houston Heather]

Too bad I can't have you come by and read him the riot act!

Apparently my comment "This is why I didn't want to come in here" made a very big impact! He has been very polite and respectful all evening.

[Zer]

Sounds as if you caught him in an undignified shameful moment, and he saw it in a way that shocked him. My sense is that he is a decent man, trapped in a lot of pain and other indignities. Pain sure can strip a person of kind impulses.

I'm enjoying just now a bit of relief from wiping camphor oil on my lower back. It comes in a sealed packet on a bit of tissue that holds the oil, can be swabbed right where the pain is, and then chills that area in a way that seems to cut the pain. I wonder if this is anything that R could use on painful spots. D'ya think?

SwissMedica "024 - get on with it" is an "essential oil pain neutralizer" on a towelette saturated with camphor, aloe vera oil, eucalyptus oil, lemon oil, orange oil, peppermint oil, rosemary. No wonder it's so fragrant!

I think I'll have a chance to use a TENS device chiro says will break pain patterns - and may actually buy a unit through my chiro, if he can show me how to use TENS as an alternative to taking ibuprofen that surely is not good for my liver. AGH! Apparently it is safe for a person to use at home. Hope so, as I do not like taking ibuprofen daily - and have been using it for a long time now as my only recourse for pain. Not sure it works, except that I get a bit less articulate about grumping and groaning after I take 800mg tablet. Maybe that means that the pain is less. Still have some pain, but not cussing and carrying on like a drama queen. I guess that counts for something.

Golly, what will I talk about if my ailments go away? It's my main topic now! My excuse for blathering on and on is that maybe some of what I am discovering can help R to handle his pain in a way that does not involve damaging his relationship with you. That would be nice, for both of you. Pain relief - I'm learning that even breathing CAN help reduce some of my pain. Just got to remember to practice deep and rhythmic breathing. I keep forgetting.

[Houston Heather]

He told me, today, that he'd reduced his dosage of Neurontin. I KNOW he was hurting a lot more. I was pretty foggy and way dizzy today - because I took the extra lithium tablet yesterday. I checked my blood pressure and it was 87/62.

I told him, "We both have a choice. We can feel groggy and have low blood pressure, with hardly any pain; or we can hurt and be "clearer". I'll take the groggy! I don't care if you're groggy but I HATE the thought of you hurting."

He winced when someone slapped his shoulder, so I know he's in a lot of pain. I'm pretty sure he's going up on the Neurontin. I'll certainly mention the wipes, but he's wierd about strong fragrances.

He admitted, today, that I was right about the apples. I didn't tell him so, but I did make faces at him. I'm glad he wasted HIS money.

Tomorrow we're going to Foodtown to buy "The good apples" and I'm going to make a cake. I won't call it a birthday cake, but just so happens I made a cake, and here it's his birthday.

I gave him some "birthday cake" ice cream today. It comes in 4 ounce portion cups. All kinds of naughty stuff in it. The first time he ate it, Ron didn't find it fun.

Today he inhaled it. I'm glad I hadn't given them away yet! Then he asked for a Mexican TV dinner - an enchilada thing. I fixed it, and he ate the whole thing.

He ate over 120 carbs just for breakfast, but that'll help him pack on the weight. I'd better figure out how to check his sugars because I don't want to put him in a coma! I'm certain he is gaining a little weight, which is great.

Me, I'm retaining water up to 174, but it's just PMS. Some nasty PMS cramps, too. Ick. Based on family history I've got a good 20 years to go.

Anyway, all we did was work and home. Good trips. Great nap. I'm going to check the mail in an hour and relax tonight.

Tomorrow will be interesting.

Just for fun, I've lost 2 and 1/3 of these.



Zer, you've definitely lost at least 2!

[Houston Heather]

Incredibly groggy and hard to think today.

Got Ron his present, he wanted something so we got it. Also got him an assortment of various apples - Winesap, Jonagold (my fave), Honeycrisp, and "Big Reds" - red delicious.

Meds are hitting me hard today. I could barely cut up mo.. my lunch. Very hard to type, have to focus on each letter.

Naptime.

[Houston Heather]

I had a good 2 hour nap. I'm still tired but not as bad as earlier.

I don't generally talk about my dreams. They're very vivid and detailed. Today's was very interesting.

I was with Ron in a hospital - actually a recurring dream, I'm in a hospital, either with Ron or on my own. Tests are always run in the dreams.

In this one, Ron was hooked up to a monitor. Wires ran from his head to the monitor. I watched with 2 female doctor as the test was run. There were 2 sections on the monitor. The upper section, and a lower section marked "Ict". As the test was run, beautiful flowing lights and lines randomly flowed across the screen. The "Ict" section had strong lines and flowing colors.

The head doctor turned to me "You know he's having seizures, right?" I agreed. I could see it on the screen!

She turned to the other doctor and said they needed to run another test.

When I woke up, I felt so happy. I think it was God's way of telling me, when Ron's being a butt, it's because he has brain damage, and not to take it personally, just like I wouldn't take him having a seizure personally. It all makes total sense to me, but I'm sure it sounds like raving.

Hey, y'all know I'm "nuts" so worst case I just sound a little more cracked, huh?

I decided to try adding in a little bit (1/2 cup) of beans today. I'm curious to see how my body reacts. Personally, I love beans and I'd love to eat more.

[Houston Heather]

I just had a wake up call. I was complaining to myself about the fatigue.

It dawned on me, what's a major sign of depression? FATIGUE. Maybe I'm complaining about the symptom and not the cure! Huh?

Maybe I'm tired because I'm battling a DEPRESSION?

Duh. It took me 2.5 years to figure that one out.

No mineral makeup today! If that's the worst thing that happens, we're doing well.

One thing I plan to discuss with Ron, I'm not very organized. The house is messy.

He doesn't like that. He wants to tackle the whole house.

I think I'll ask him, give me 5 smaller areas and let me work on those, while maintaining certain areas that are OK. Add more, and add more.

With my issues I doubt the house will ever be "great" but it can't hurt to try. It's a lot better than Ron gets fed up about housekeeping, blows up at Heather... etc.

[Houston Heather]

OK, he said "kitchen table and counters".

I already cleaned off most of the table.

I feel bloated and icky. I think I'll take a Taurine, even though it's a diuretic. And I KEEP FORGETTING to make my lunch!

I will be out for hours with no good food choices. I'd rather not "do" vienna sausages if I can avoid it. They always taste artificial.

I've frightened everyone off with my lard photos and dreams.

[*Pear*]

I love reading your journal. The lard pics really bring home the weight loss in a visual sense. Keep up the good work, Heather!

[Zer]

Heather, I too love reading your journal! Enjoy hearing about your work and how skillfully you manage R - as a wife and as an employee as well as as a caring caregiver and advocate as he works his way through good, bad, indifferent medical caregivers. It's all inspiring to me, as I try to find good care and good support in my own battle to improve my quality of life. Thanks for writing as you do, about what you feel and experience in your own life.

You are an inspiration. I regard you as one of my nearest and dearest friends, which is saying a LOT - as we Aspies are notorious for failing to bond. Sigh...

What clicks for me, with anyone, is what I can learn from a person. I learn a lot from you, about the value of caring for myself - and the value of having in my life others that I care about too. I've come to care for you and for your candor in sharing your struggle to manage a life that has not been easy.

[Zer]

Wow, Heather, I was just considering stocking up on Vienna sausage, as not a great LC choice, but as easy to grab and snack on. I'm not up to opening a can of tuna. Already had sardines today, so don't really want another can. And I thought maybe I should stock up on some Vienna sausage to tide me over as I need some protein but am not up to going to the kitchen to cook eggs - ah, buttery eggs! - maybe I can get myself to the kitchen and stay upright long enough to scramble up some eggs and bring them back to eat as I am comfy in bed with my legs up. Ah, dare I try. It's late and if I fall I'd be stuck until morning. Best to mix up a 2d WPP and take an ibuprofen - and just stick close to home/bed. But I wish I had a can of sausages to snack on.

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

...I'd rather not "do" vienna sausages if I can avoid it. They always taste artificial.

I've frightened everyone off with my lard photos and dreams.

No, I have been grappling with my own demons today, plus having a noon mess that took an hour to clean up. Had to wash myself, the floor, my shoes - and then just was worn out with the reality of how slow I move even when I need to be moving fast to save having an accident. I hate facing my inabilty to get myself to the loo in time. Hate the idea of anyone finding me cleaning up or struggling to wipe up the floor, the carpet, afterward. Today I did not have an audience, far as I know. But it was an exhausting hour. What it does is force me to admit that I am not as able as I imagine myself to be. Facing my impaired ability shakes me up. Probably scares me. How effective my cloak of denial must be, if it takes a shoeful of stinky poo for me to face facts and to plan to manage my visits to the loo (just in case) a little better.

TMI? Yeah. It's a bit too much for me to handle, even 12hrs after the fact.

Anyway, I love the lard pix and I agree that your dream is a hopeful sign. It is a good scenario, to remember that R has difficulties of his own that cause him to spurt out his frustration at a nearby target - YOU! Seeing this in your dream saves you from taking his slams and slurs personally. Besides, you could hire help to clean your house! My home helper has a passion for all sorts of cleaning and tidying and my room is shipshape now. I intend to keep this woman as part of my life, even after I am more able to do the work. Fact is, my home helper admits that her own home is not so much fun to do the same work in. She loves tidying other people's homes, which is why she works for a half-dozen folks just like me, before heading home to do a fast bit of housework on her own home before falling into bed. You too can find a person who will scrub and tidy and leave your home ready for you and R to come home to after a hard day's work and traipsing all over town. Honestly!

Check out Craigs List, for starters, to find someone who can do the job. I bet you will love having an assist with tasks that someone else can do for you as you do the more important work of giving R the help that he needs on the job and in managing his recovery. You do a lot, Heather. You deserve a helper.

[Houston Heather]

Thanks! You are too sweet, Zer and Pear.

I can't break a confidence, Zer, but I imagine you're not the only one who's had a "mishap" like that. Not that I could say anything.

Today I woke up with a "small to medium" headache, but the asprin has done a fine job with it. I had to go to work.

They put Ron up on "Postal Vision", the overhead closed circuit TV channel. Most people do birthday announcements. I put up a picture of Ron mowing the yard, this one:

With this caption: Ron B-, blind vendor (cafeteria) mowing his yard. You can't keep a good man down!

[ the editor added this] Wife - Heather

I was bragging on Ron all day "Look! He's on postal vision!" The Postal Workers loved it. One guy even came in to tease Ron about it. "How much would you charge for my yard?" I told him "A dollar a square foot, because you get entertainment and a mowed yard!" - I'm getting better at the interpersonal stuff.

Low blood pressure and dizzy today. Am I about to lose a chunk? I drank plenty of fluids and it wasn't hot, highs in about the 60s. I was glad I had to do some heavy-labor type stuff because it helped raise my pressure a little. I was drinking tons of soda, too! No aspartame, though. I don't miss it.

Anyway, after work we went to Starbucks. Ron was almost out of his motion sickness pills, you see, and the Randalls grocery store carries a generic "Meclizine" that works great for him. Ron didn't have the address of the Randalls so we made the trip to the Starbucks. I walked over there, got his medicine, some organic red delicious apples, a little bit of flavored coffee for me, and checked out. Then, tote bag on my shoulder, I went to the health food store. I got some Dr Bronners rose soap, I love the stuff and it's very mild. My skin seems to be drying out suddenly so I need something gentle and loving. I also got an Indian soap that's good for oily faces. It seemed gentle, too. I had enough left to get a box of Stevia Plus. I like it, but it's a little pricey. I got it.

I went back to Starbucks. Ron was able to enjoy his mocha and pastry. He bought me my heavy whipping cream thing. Not only that, he handed me money and said "Buy yourself some coffee". I told him, OK, I'll get a half pound of decaf. He said, no get a half pound each of two different decafs! I did.

He can be very sweet and generous that way - I'd rather he spontaneously buy me a pound of Starbuck$ coffee, than do the "duty" flowers on anniversary or Valentines' day. I might get him a singing card for V-day but that's it. He LOVES singing cards.

I feel pretty goofy, so I'm going to lie down. Ron's having fun playing his tunes but the way I feel I'll drop off without asking him to turn it down.

Oh, and he's eating TV dinners, Zer. They'll fatten him up like nobody's business. He's eaten a few Nighthawk Steak and Taters, and a few Beef Enchilada dinners (the less than a dollar kind you find in the frozen section). I got him more of his beloved PB pretzels, too.

Dr wants him to have gained weight on Monday and I'm taking it as a personal challenge. Between pastries, pretzels, and TV dinners, I'm sure he'll be up at least a few pounds.

[Zer]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

... TV dinners.... They'll fatten him up like nobody's business. He's eaten a few Nighthawk Steak and Taters, and a few Beef Enchilada dinners (the less than a dollar kind you find in the frozen section). I got him more of his beloved PB pretzels, too.

Dr wants him to have gained weight on Monday and I'm taking it as a personal challenge. Between pastries, pretzels, and TV dinners, I'm sure he'll be up at least a few pounds.

So glad that R is finding more stuff he can eat. Hope he feels better as his appetite improves and he gets more nutrition - not that tv dinners are known for nutrition, but at least he's EATING! Will he drink milk with his PB pretzels? If so, maybe you can bump up his calories to drinking half'n'half, which is what my dad's brothers liked. They said regular milk was too thin, like the swill they fed to their hogs when they had cows to milk and creamy stuff to dip out of the settling pans that let the cream come to the top. Imagine dipping into a rich creamy pan of fresh milk! Anyway, if you can bump R up to drinking half'n'half with his PB pretzels, he will fatten up faster. So glad he is trying more different foods. KUTGW, Heather!

[Houston Heather]

I'm trying to phrase this delicately... if Ron has milk with fat in it, he has to get to the bathroom pronto or ELSE. I'd rather not deal with the else if I can.

I felt so smart at work today. I changed the locks in a vending machine (a $60 service call). I was a "Big Help" to Ron; as I intuitively predicted the items he'd need and got them onto his cart. I did all the "standing stocking" and he did the "sitting stocking".

If I bent over a lot with my blood pressure low, the way it's been, I get very uncomfortable and feel like I could pass out. I'd much rather stand and stock. Ron was quite happy to sit-and-stock, saving his feet!

Talk about a match made in heaven.

[Zer]

Interesting. Good to know what accelerates one's digestion, that's for sure! But R can tolerate ice cream and whipped cream all right? Got to work with what works. Glad that R is eating a wider variety of food. Whatever works!

[Houston Heather]

Most ice-creams are low-fat. He has to be careful with fruit, too. He never eats fruit when he's "out".

I finally figured out the root of my goofiness the last couple days - low blood pressure, headache, and all.

LOW SODIUM. I made a rehydration solution with salt and potassium - as I took my first sip my brain went MORE MORE MORE and the next thing I know I'd had 1/4 of a liter on my first sip! I already feel clearer and I can stand up without the dizzies.

I put 1 t salt, and .5 potassium salt, into a liter of water.

I'm glad I figured it out.

[Livywilltim-mom]

Dear Heather and Ron,

Just stopping by to say that I have found so much love and inspiration in this journal.

You are both remarkable

Heather, thanks for sharing your journey here.

Peace

[Houston Heather]

Aw, thanks Jaimie!

Today I got a couple of surprises.

1. Ron gave me a raise. Effective 2 weeks ago, I make 8% more than I used to. That's very nice, the first raise in over 5 years. I am NOT complaining, because I get room, board, and medication. Anyway, a raise, a nice acknowlegement.

2. Postal Workers are coming up to Ron and teasing him about the lawn-mower photo. They love it, and find it very inspiring.

3. DAYS early, I got my period. Huh? Oddest of all, hardly any cramps. Normally they are a good 7 on a 1-10. Today, no cramps at all for hours, and when I got them, they were easily handled with some coated asprin. I can ONLY attribute this to the removal of asparatame.

I will NEVER look longingly at another diet soda if that means I can toss out the cramps! Good-bye! I was starting to miss the Diet Dr Peppers, but when Ron called in the order today I said "Don't buy me any".

We got up, went to work. Dealt with the other vendor. He's an interesting guy; but I work carefully at communication. One misunderstanding could blow everything to hell.

He admitted that he likes Ron today He's never admitted that before. He puts on a very gruff image. I call him "Hot Legs", long story. He always wears shorts to work, even in the winter. One day I asked him "What's up with your legs, are they hot?" He said "You think so?" I replied, yeah, you have hot legs - all done in a playful manner and in front of his wife. The name stuck, in fact one day when I called him by his real name he got all pouty and said "My legs aren't hot anymore?" So I keep it up. His wife is kind of baffled but I'm an acquired taste.

He weighed about 350 at his all time high and elected to get lap-band about a year and a half ago. He looks great now, a little bit "wasted" but not bad. He still snacks on junk occasionally, but is maintaining about 200. He's around 6 feet. It's worked for him, and he's happy.

I got something from the blood bank, they will do a free, comprehensive metabolic panel if I donate 4 times this year (I plan to donate every 2 months unless I can't for some reason). That'll be good for Dad, to get a good cholesterol workup from me. He worries.

I also got my full sized makeup! I haven't opened it yet.

I got the airline tickets so we can go out to the cruise. All done. We get up at 4 AM on Monday, and back at about Midnight on Thursday. Ron will be traveling with his manual wheelchair.

I love the new soap I bought yesterday, it was so soft and luxurious on my skin. Lovely.

Oh, so we went to work. Worked for a while, filled 'em up, checked the codes, got orders, put stuff away, etc. Had our usual "Why do you wait till the last minute, Ron?"

Then we went to Walmart. Ron's a victim of informercials now and then. He bought the battery operated knife, the battery operated lawnmower (we love it), slicers, etc. He decided he wanted the Twin Draft Guard.

Which is fine, it's his money, he doesn't tell me how to spend mine. But - they sent it delivery confirmation and the box was very large. That meant HEATHER had to go to the Post Office. Ron made a trip to Walmart, I got him his prescription, 15 bags of his peanut butter pretzel "treats", and some double cheeseburgers for the both of us. I handed him one and he started eating it. I didn't ask, I just did it. His ride came along and he left. I went to the PO.

The Postmaster was there and actually got it quickly. The box was too big for me to take on the bus, so, as planned, I walked it back to Walmart, put it in my cart, did a little shopping, and called a cab to come home. I rode with a lovely Jamaican man. He had dreadlocks. He had the little flag hanging from the rearview mirror. Raggae on the radio; raggae ringtone. It was fun. I meet very interesting people, and I enjoy it. The older I get the more extroverted I become. I enjoy chatting with complete strangers.

[Houston Heather]

Yay! Slept in today.

Yesterday I had gone up to 177. Today it was down to 174. After my coffee, even lighter .

I drank some coffee Ron bought me, double dutch chocolate flavor. Oh, it reminds me of these decadent dark chocolate coffee truffles I used to eat. No cravings, though, I've been slowly sipping on it. I put in about 1 ounce of heavy cream, and probably 4 ounces of unsweetened soy milk. I like something "Milky" but milk and I don't get along since my salmonella experience.

I don't know if I ever told you about it.
June 2004. We were finally about to close on our house. We had a very large cashier's check (out entire savings) and we went out to breakfast at IHOP. I had a scrambled egg meal, Ron had something, and our friend had something else entirely.

- Note - it takes about 12-24 hours for symptoms to manifest with salmonella.

We went to the Title Company and Chuck dropped us off. We spent hours closing on the house. Ron almost cried when I put the keys to the house in his hand. It was beautiful. Oh, happy day. We are HOMEOWNERS. Afterward, we called Chuck, who picked us up and took us to Starbucks. Ron got a coffee drink and I got a slice of very decadent chocolate cake. I ate it when we got home.

About 12 hours after eating the eggs, the symptoms began. Horrible symptoms.

Symptoms of food poisoning begin eight to 72 hours after eating food contaminated with Salmonella. These include traditional food poisoning symptoms of abdominal pain, diarrhea, vomiting, and fever. The symptoms generally last one to five days. Dehydration can be a complication in severe cases. People generally recover without antibiotic treatment, although they may feel tired for a week after the active symptoms subside.

I was so dehydrated I lost 15 pounds in 2 days. I was so ill Ron brought the commode chair into the bedroom and emptied it for me as needed. I couldn't make it otherwise, and the bathroom was only about 18 feet from my bed. Ron could barely walk at the time. He'd take the bucket, put the lid on, and stagger off to the bathroom. That's true love.

When he acts like a butt occasionally, I remember that. Anyway, I was so worried about an "or else" accident in the ambulance I wouldn't let Ron take me to the hospital. Eventually I got better, but it was 2 weeks before I felt well enough to move.

In the meantime, some sick freak poisoned my cat Baby Girl, so the day we DID move she died. Bubba didn't like her anyway, and he went out and eventually found me Frosty. Still, a really LOUSY month, especially considering I had just bought a home!

As a consequence, I became lactose intolerant. I am OK eating cheeses and heavy whipping cream, but milk will give me a migraine and extreme urgency to "squirt". Ugh.

Sorry to be so graphic. Where was I? Oh, I like something milky now and then, so I do the Silk Unsweetened Soy milk. You might want to check it out, Zer. They have a one quart Tetra pack that doesn't need refrigeration until you open it. It might be fun to try.

It's the green one, in the middle. They generally run around $2 but I've found them on sale as cheap as $1.50. I need to get some for the disaster kit.

Ron told me he was very peeved that I was using the couch as a coatrack. I told him, help me get a coatrack and I won't do it. When he bought the Twin Draft Guards, he got a free over door 5 hook contraption. It makes a great coatrack.

I put the draft guards on every door in the house (front, door to garage, and laundry room door because it gets drafty in there) and we still have plenty of extras. They do seem to help. I guess I'll be giving some to family now, and maybe my doctor.

Ron asked if I "minded" that he buys infomercial gadgets. I told him, I don't mind at all. You don't tell me how to spend my fun money, I won't tell you how to spend yours. I don't want the flavor oven thing, though, because my counters are already cluttered.

One of my projects for today, actually. Laundry, clean up kitchen, take out trash, pick up around house - I don't do this automatically, I have to tell myself "Go pick up trash around the house for 15 minutes". I tend to litter empty soda cans around my computer chair, for instance. Those go in the "Can bag" for a nice old man. He picks them up every week if I have them. I admire his work ethic. I hope Ron's doing that well when he gets to be that old.

We set up the trash can so it's right outside Ron's window. I can go in his room, open the window, open the can and toss it in! It's great! We both love it.

[Houston Heather]

I put away the Christmas t-shirts, hung up all my clean clothes, washed 3 loads of clothes so far, hung THEM up, ate some leftovers (Bubba still loves pork chops), yakked at Ron, and looked on Ebay for a while.

I'm thinking about getting him a shortwave radio. They're only $10 with shipping for the little ones. It would keep him entertained and he could run an antenna alongside the house if he wanted to enhance the reception.

Have I ever mentioned we used to be amateur radio operators? I was a Technician class. Ron was a Tech Plus, for passing a 5 word per minute Morse Code test. I took my test first, being sighted. I passed it. I walked past Ron's table, where the examiner was just sitting down with him.

"Well, I'm a ham." I said! No pressure! The examiner laughed too and helped Ron pass.

It was a lot of fun for us both. We did it for about 5 years, hung out on the 2 meters and 70 centimeter bands. Met some interesting locals. After we moved, we realized the Houston Ham Radio scene really only used "our" bands for emergency work, and were more into the HF (high-frequency, big antenna on the roof) scene. When you're renting, and don't have the equipment, impossible.

Then we got cell phones - death knell for my poor old "brick". That's what I called MY radios. I had 2 of them, one for each band. They were big, heavy bricks but they were great machines. I sure loved 'em.

Ron enjoyed his little shortwave radio after his accident but he had a bad habit of throwing it out of bed, in his sleep, in the middle of the night. He finally killed it that way. Poor radio.

I'm really thinking about getting him a new one. It would be fun for him, and I want to encourage new interests. He doesn't have a lot he CAN do, but he might as well have diverse hobbies if at all possible.

Heck, it's only $10. I'd work an hour for that.

[Houston Heather]

Someone on another board mentioned she was taking Bactrim.

I told her Ron had "a bad reaction". She wanted to know more.

For some reason, typing it out this time was very painful. It's absolutely awful to experience. Now I'm somewhat depressed.

I have to remind myself, anyone in my shoes SHOULD be a little depressed. It's depressing! Ron spent the whole day in bed, except ...

Big break here

except for using the bathroom, he stayed in bed. As I was typing this, he woke up and peeped at me.

He was hungry, and lonely. Where were the cats? How was I? Could he get an apple? Cut up into quarters please?

What about dinner, what did we have to eat? I told him. He wanted Macaroni and Beef - if I fix something out of a can or box, he loves it, but not fresh, real foods.

He loved it. We talked for a while, and he thanked me repeatedly for helping him. He's lying in bed, happy and stuffed. I showed him the cat's belly - very plump from all the "treating" from Daddy. The cat even let me hug him. Poor animal.

I got a little love from Ron (G rated) and I feel a lot better now.

He was just what I needed.

[skeopple]

Heather, I'm glad you and Ron had an enjoyable Saturday. You sure got a lot done.

Our son (now 27) has been licensed in ham radio since high school. He's not into it as much as he used to be, but still in it. The "old guys" really helped him a lot and liked seeing the craft/talent continued. Several of them are gone now, several are very ill or sick. Kind of sad because I liked seeing the pleasure he had in radios. He had one with when he was in Iraq but needed special permit and stuff to use it. Sent it home because it was too much risk. Was kinda neat for awhile though. I started studying for the test and couldn't figure out all the frequency stuff; all the numbers, etc. My radio also fell.......off a high shelf........dead. So, do you keep your license updated?