Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

Oh, God, today was hard.

It wasn't hard getting up. It wasn't hard getting my breakfast, taking my pills and all that. I even brought a container of sausage/egg/cheese for my meal at work.

I had a hard time sleeping last night, a terrible time dropping off and then Ron woke me up at 1. Ack.

We picked up our usual client on the way to work. She is very obese and a dialysis patient, so she got dropped off at dialysis before we went to work. It was really cold.

I told Ron to sit down, I'd get his wheelchair, bring it to him, and push him into the building. We have to walk about 1/4 mile. Everytime he tries to walk he barely makes it halfway and I have to bring the wheelchair anyway. He wanted to walk, and I had to bring him the wheelchair at the halfway point.

He was very demanding and irritable (I'm not responsible for his moods) but I did get pissed when he screamed at me and used the F word. I walked away.

I understand quite a bit about brain damage and it's related. Check this link out. Wikipedia does traumatic brain injury

Ron had diffuse axional injuries, a "Severe" head injury, "coup-contracoup" injury, contusions (bruises on the brain), a Glasgow coma score of "3" (ie vegetable), and bleeding on the brain as well. What does that mean?

Behavioral symptoms that can follow TBI include disinhibition, inability to control anger, impulsiveness, lack of initiative, inappropriate sexual activity, and changes in personality.[74] Different behavioral problems are characteristic of the location of injury; for instance, frontal lobe injuries often result in disinhibition and inappropriate or childish behavior, and temporal lobe injuries often cause irritability and aggression.[78]

Translated, he can be very irritable, demanding, and angry at times. He had no idea he had cussed me out a couple times until the janitor went over to him and said "I don't want to hear you talk to your wife like that!" and told Ron the language he used. Thank God for the janitor.

Rather than argue with a damaged brain, I just remove myself. I helped him the whole day with everything, keeping a decent attitude. But "Heather!" "Heather" "Heather!" "Hea-ther!" got kind of old.

More fun. Ron had fallen asleep last night before he'd called in our return trip. Then he was making "Jokes" how he wasn't leaving until 1 PM.

Here's where I tell you about 1 hour into work, after the first cussing out, I got whacked with a nasty depression. It was so bad I had to drink another slimfast and take another lithium (if I take it without food I'll get very sick).

I had to deal with depression, Ron, doing my job, doing his job, keeping track of the invoices, talking to the other blind vendor, and Ron's joking we won't be leaving for 6 hours.

I finally told him I was very depressed. I had taken more medication but it might make me a little foggy (not really, just really tired). He was very nice for about 10 minutes then it was back to the asking for help every 2 minutes.

I finally told him we would never leave if I couldn't do my job. I had more to do than help him, I had to fill up the snack machines. I did that with fewer interruptions.

When we finally left we waited outside for an hour in the cold. Ron complained the whole time, even though I offered to bring him a blanket from the stockroom.

I'm about ready to cry, I'm so miserable. Finally, we came home, I went to bed and stayed there for 3 hours.

Caregiving - NOT ALWAYS FUN.

Pretty soon I'm going to eat again and take more pills.

And I forgot to mention I botched something I was knitting for my Mom and I had to unravel the whole thing.

I hope to God I get SOMETHING fun today. I want someone to come over, do dishes, do laundry, clean the bathroom, deal with Ron for a day or two, and hand me a nice debit card and a "paid for the day" cab ride to spoil myself.

As it is, I'll probably do something on the bus tomorrow just to get out of here.

[momacat]

Heather- by any chance is there a social worker that you could talk to about getting some assistance taking care of you and Ron?

[Houston Heather]

Nah, once we get THEM involved it gets ugly. Besides, it's not like the social worker can make him be nice to me, or always speak to me with consideration. We have the "Stuff" we need. We have the money we need. Tomorrow, I plan to go out and do something fun away from Ron for a while - very important.

The "respite" workers we would get are notorious for stealing, and I don't like strangers in my home when I'm not there.

I don't want someone climbing up my butt with a microscope. 95% of people with bad head injuries end up divorced 5 years after the accident. It's not him or us per se, it's just the nature of the beast.

I'd like to think my own brain damage helps me to be more sympathetic to his limits. Really, all I have to do is think about how he looked for the first 3 weeks after his accident, in a coma, no forehead, lieterally. He had lacerations all over his head and looked like he was dead. It's not surprising.

Anyway, I ate a good meal, took my pills, and I feel better. Frosty came in my lap, cuddled up in my arms, and loved on me. He's a sweetie.

Tomorrow I plan to go "out" even though it'll be cold. Where, I have no idea.

I did want to clarify a bit: If Ron is verbally abusive I walk away. I will tell him later, I walked away because you said "XYZ" and he will apologize. Sometimes he realizes on his own, I was out of line.

You may think "Heather, why take it?" Well, it isn't much fun, but it used to be a lot worse. Ron was completely out of his head for a couple of months after his accident. He had to use a bedpan. Some things, I can't share.

But being awakened every night because Ron thinks he's living at the Home Depot and he wants to go "Home" even though he was "home" got pretty old. So did the "My feet are higher than my head".

I got some books and read some websites for caregivers of brain injured people. One woman thought that it was perfectly normal for TBI victims to go through a physically abusive stage. She advised protecting your face and then walking away when you could.

Ron never did that. Then I read a book. It talked about how one guy would walk around the neighborhood, going into houses with unlocked doors, eating the food, and refusing to leave. It got better. If he had to "go" he went, and it didn't matter what it was or where he was, he'd go.

Oh, yeah, and I have to phrase this delicately. "Inappropriate sexual behavior" was also very commonly reported, the most common being "self service in public".

I can handle a raised voice and a little cursing now and then! Thank God I don't have THAT.

[momacat]

Heather - you're a strong woman.

[Houston Heather]

Stronger than I thought!

Ron was VERY sweet last night too. He said "I know I don't always appreciate the things you do for me, but it means a lot. Thank you for being there." and other sweet stuff. I had brought him a glass of milk or something. That makes it a LOT easier.

He loves my scrambled eggs so he asked me to make him some every day. It's a "meat" and it's low carb. He's even eating some salad, too. Yay. I don't have to worry about bad blood sugar or malnutrition.

I woke up this morning, my waist was down to 32 inches! Yay! My hips are down to 41.25 - only 1 and a quarter inches from goal.

Our neighbor woke us up this morning hammering and sawing. He finished the fence. Another yay!

I really thought about where I might go today and decided 1) it's "cold". 2) I only have $10 left until Ron pays me 3) I'm not burning to go anywhere and 4) I'm about to start my period.

I decided to stay home. Ron's being awesome, I can catch up on the housework, scramble up more meals for us both, and practice some lace knitting. I'd like to master the psso and the ssk if I can. I'm sure I can, but how long will it take? Who knows. It'll be fun.

I'm going to "practice" on some thick acrylic yarn until I have the hang of it, then move down to finer yarns. It's fun for me.

Nothing really "good" on Sci-Fi today, but if that's the worst I deal with today that'll be pretty awesome.

[Houston Heather]

Ahhhh. Such a nice, relaxing day. I did laundry and took out the trash, that's about it.

My tote bags arrived today. I'd ordered about 6 or so. Some have zippered tops, some don't. They are all awesome! They're plain so I can decorate them to taste.

I sewed on some happy face buttons and such. I also plan to get some iron-ons also, as long as they're washable. I could even do embroidery. Hmmmm.

And, I'm being "eco-cool" every time I shop. I have a large zippered, insulated "cold bag" I use at the store, I'll store the tote bags inside. I'll take it with me when I shop and take out the bags before I checkout.

I really have an amazing creative impulse. I love to create things.

Today has been really good for me.

[Houston Heather]

Yay! Same weight and measurements.

We went to Walmart and Ron helped me out with the groceries. I took my new tote bags. I'm so glad I have them, if we'd picked up another client with groceries it might have been tough to tell one Walmart bag from another. With my bags, easy. I'm canvas, they're plastic.

I found a no sugar added pumpkin pie! Now, I could have made some pumpkin pudding but I was feeling lazy. I did fine for my birthday, eating the NSA cream pie, and not touching the crust. I'll do the same, and besides, I don't think a prediabetic should be eating sugar anyways (Ron).

We've decided, when we pick up our "Dinner" from the store on Tuesday, to make a gift of the sugar-added pumpkin pie to the driver. I'm sure he/she will love it.

Tomorrow Ron's going to try to get us to the passport office after work. I'm going to be doing a lot of very sweaty work, unloading a Dr Pepper pallet and getting 24 more cases of soda from the other vendor, so I plan to wear an old tshirt for work and take a nicer one. I'll freshen up (we have a private stockroom and wet wipes), change into a new tshirt and bra, and head off to get my passport.

I'll be glad when the burden of it's gone. I'm tired of worrying if I have enough time to get it done so we can go on vacation next year. Hopefully we can do that.

We went to Walmart, I finished up early. Good thing. That's all I can say. Then we went to the McDonalds in the store. Ron wanted a sausage burrito. He liked it. I suggested, next time, don't eat the tortilla. He liked the idea.

I had a sausage patty. Ron had ordered some "eggs only" just in case he hated the burrito. He never ate them. I brought them home, put 1/3 of a cup of shredded cheese on top, and I'm going to eat them when I finish this post.

Then we waited over an hour for our pickup. I was chatting with another "client" who was also waiting. I told her we try to have a good attitude. She said, that sounded good, but "If you're nice to the drivers they'll take advantage of you." How? They won't care if they're late, she replied.

Uh. No. The drivers are late because of traffic or scheduling problems, not because they don't want to get you. Who would want to get yelled at by angry disabled people all day long? I took all my pills so I just let the matter drop and worked on my knitting. I'm a knitter too she said. Turns out she has never made anything, and had only looked at some how to knit vidoes on the internet. Poser.

I didn't call myself a knitter until I made a hat. It was lousy, and it sucked, but Ron still keeps it as a momento. It's the first thing I ever made him. I even told him to throw it out and he refused.

I did not sleep well last night. Ugh. I went to sleep late, too. I'm going to try to grab a nap.

[Houston Heather]

Ugh. More problems with the neighbor kids.

We have a locked gate to the backyard. We have a locked gate for a reason. Liability issues = children in yard bad idea.

When we first moved into the house, we had a problem with the tenant's wife. She said she would kill my cat if I didn't stop him. What was he doing? Looking at her. She didn't like the way he looked at her and she was willing to murder a helpless animal.

Nice chick. I told her if he got a hairball, I'd have her arrested, animal cruelty is a felony, and I'd make sure her principal knew what kind of teacher he had. Yeah, she's a teacher, too.

We had a succession of tenants, one every year since. Every family is related to the owner, every family has a couple of rowdy little boys. The rowdy little boys throw their balls over the fence and seem to view my yard as public property.

We have a 1 story house, all the bedrooms are on the first floor. Ron keeps the blinds open in his window because it faces out into the backyard.

Plus, it's OUR yard. I have been told by lawyers to never give children permission to come into my yard because if they get hurt, it's on me.

I always tell every family the first time they come into the yard, please don't come into my yard without permission. I will be happy to walk into the yard with you while you get the ball, but I can't allow you in my yard when I'm not around.

Generally, they "get it" and leave the yard alone. I told one family, the last one, why don't your kids play on the OTHER side of the yard? They won't always throw the ball into my yard. I was carrying a huge sack of balls they had thrown over the fence at the time. It made quite an impression. That family, I told the kids, ('cause they were coming over 4 times a day and late at night), you will have to have your parents come and ask for the ball. Then I will give it back. That's when they started abandoning them.

Anyway. We have a lock on the gate. So, the new family moves in. A kid decided to climb my husband's hand-built gate to get into the yard. I went out and told him, this time you get a pass, but if it happens again I'll have to talk to your parents. Do not climb on the gate. Do not enter the yard, knock on the door and I will let you into the yard to get your ball.

Well, the neighbor kid knocked, but his little companion didn't want to wait, climbed the fence, and went after his ball. I was not pleased. I told the tenant's kid "I'm going to need to talk to your parents about this".

To the intruder (a little white kid with absolutely DEAD eyes) I asked a few questions.
I pointed at my house "Do you live here?" No.
"Do your parents live here?" No.
"Do your parents pay my mortgage?" No.

Then you need to stay out of my yard.

I've been told, even if I wanted to, not to allow children into my yard for the liability issues. If they have permission to be there and they get hurt, it's on me.

If I'm on the record as saying "You're not allowed in my yard without permission" and they trespass, I'm not.

[Houston Heather]

I decided to apologize to the "good" neighbor kid when I see him. It wasn't his fault that his little brother's buddy was a brat, he was trying to do the right thing.

I got up at 2, worked by BUTT off at work, 4 hours of heavy lifting and stacking and unstacking (I put the old merchandise on top of the new so we aren't selling old, flat sodas)... AGH. I did it. I was so sweat-drenched I changed my clothes and showered when I got home.

Now I can't fall asleep. AGH. I'm hoping my lithium will knock me out.

Tomorrow will be BUSY!
1. Sam's Club because Ron needs muffins. I plan to get some more slimfast lowcarb.
2. Work.
3. Post office, for passports.
4. Grocery store, to pick up premade turkey dinner.

AGH. I need to clean out the fridge tonight and do dishes.

When I wake up.

[Houston Heather]

I got my nap, yay Heather.

I cleaned out the fridge, took out the trash (funny how I took Ron doing that for granted), checked the mail - yay I got a book on knitting design. Did the dishes, laundry... whew.

I decided to look at luggage online. I want to get some kind of rolling duffle and carryon backpack for our trip next year. I need to figure out what's a good size for 2 people for 5-6 days. 30 inches long? I plan to bring a couple of extra duffles so I can pack 'em with the good stuff I buy in Mexico. I love mercados - the open air Mexican markets. You've got everything from tragic little beggar children selling candy, guys with machetes selling fresh coconut, and ornately dressed vendors with strap-on jewelry cases they open up and display as you walk by. It's a blast, and I love the textiles. Obviously, I'll need an extra bag.

Ideally, and I'm just dreaming out loud here: I have my knitting bag and a backpack for us with essentials. A rolling duffle bag to check, and an extra bag inside. Everything matches, in a fun and funky color that says "Hey! Heather! Over here!" on the luggage carousel.

I almost had a heart attack looking at some places, I figure Walmart's going to be it. Which means everything will match, in black... boring. Or I can get some cute stuff in hot pink or lime green but it might not all match. Hmmmm.

I've eaten well today, in both senses of the word. I am noticing that aspartame really screws with my blood sugar. I will be cutting back.

Off I go to freak over airline fares.

[Houston Heather]

Freak indeed. Not cheap!

We went to Sam's club, went to work. It was awful for me when we picked up an 86 year old lady with a cane and a hump on her back. She took a minute getting in, but I kept thinking "Ron is so much slower than her!" I mentioned it to Ron later and he said he feels about that old.

I am so sorry he ever took that antibiotic. So is he. Nothing we can do now, though. I don't want to get bitter.

After work we went to the Post Office. It took just about an hour to get our passports, and another would-have-been-hour waiting. The driver showed up early.

I insisted Ron bring a wheelchair because the post office doesn't have any seating. We wore our badges and I made a little joke about the clerk and I being "family". Poor thing is counting the days till her retirement. Anyway, $200 later, we were on our way to Krogers.

Lots of stop and go - picking up and dropping off other clients. Finally we got there. The dinner wasn't ready yet, but they got it fixed up in a jiffy. I bought some salt and pepper pork rinds - they're delicious. Mac's makes them.

Ron tried to eat some fried chicken but he said it tasted awful. I gave it to the cat.

We're both exhausted, but we're done.

Ron didn't want to go to Walmart tomorrow so I told him "You don't have to go! I can take the bus!" He was thrilled. He gave me an advance on my pay.

I have the bus routes so I can just jump from one bus to the other and head off to the mall, then go to the thrift store (maybe) and then Walmart (for sure). He's insisting I call a cab to go home. I'm fine with that. I'm taking my trusty rolling cart so I'll be fine.

I ate some no sugar added crustless pumpkin pie for dinner. Yum. I just didn't feel like real food, I'm that tired.

[Houston Heather]

I had a blast today. We went to work, came home, I ate a good meal, took my pills.

Then I took one bus, transferred to another, and wheee! I went to the mall, dragging my folding metal cart. It was funny, I had an image of myself, pulling my cart, with a gansta type expression, saying "This is how I roll!" It really hit my funnybone.

I called in a refill on some of my pills so Ron loaned me the debit card.

I brought my canvas shopping bags and I needed them! First and best stop, JcPenney.

Jeans were on sale for $17. I also found adorable polarfleecy hoodies for $15 and got one in a raspberry color.

I then loaded up on jeans! 1 pair rose color that fit now. I really liked the Saint John's bay (store brand) bootcut. I got one in a 14, and one in a 12 (too small for me right now). I am fairly bloated, having just started my period, but I'd rather the "fits now" stuff end up a little loose than too tight.

When I got to the checkout, I called Ron. I told him of all my treasures; all at half price. How much is it, he asked. I told him. "Put it on the debit card!" Yay!

I am very appreciative, he helped me buy double the clothes I could have gotten otherwise.

Then I went to Lady Footlocker. Normally it's the only mall store I frequent. I got 4 t-shirts. A cream heather, gray heather (I thought those would be nice with the pink jeans), hot pink, and purple. All for $20. It is so nice to be a SMALL tshirt size. And there, I am.

I went to Old Navy. I was not impressed, and absolutely horrified when I looked at the labels! 30% Polyester? NO WAY! I am not wearing plastic! I am a purist, as close as possible to 100% cotton. I deliberated over a tshirt with 9% polyester before deciding to buy it, you can imagine what I thought of $30 jeans, with 30% polyester.

Especially when I could get awesome jeans at JCP for half that, and they're all cotton with a small amount of elastic.

I looked at Sears. They had some very cute formal dresses, one I would buy for the cruise in a heartbeat. It was adorable, very much my style, sexy, but not slutty. I'll remember that. I didn't see anything else that impressed me.

I was hungry by now so I hit the food court. I went to Wendy's and got 2 double cheeseburgers. I removed the bun and ate them.

I was pretty much done after that so I went to the sporting goods store nearby. It was a good walk, but I never take it for granted. Ron would LOVE to walk as far as I did today.

I got across the busy street very safely. Into the sporting goods store. I love shopping for clothes, since I have sporty style type they are perfect for me. I got: a longsleeved Merry Christmas tshirt in green ($7 AND 100% cotton!), shortsleeved white "Merry Xmas" tshirt ($5), a black shortsleeved tshirt with colored trees on it, Oh yeah, HUGE sale on twill pants: 1 pair Khaki twill in 16 (in that brand - but hey, I'm 55 LESS than I used to be, and I can buy their pants now) to wear now, 1 pair black twill to wear when I'm down a bit, and they had $10 jeans, 100 % cotton jeans.

I figured I had enough "now jeans". The size 14 in that brand fit me great, so I got a 12.

7 tshirts.
One polar fleece jacket with zipper and pockets
2 pair twill pants
4 pair jeans.
I spent $70 and Ron spent $70.

Not bad at all.

[*Pear*]

Smart shopping, Heather!

[Houston Heather]

My poor husband.

Pear, I made him "look" at everything.

He was a good sport, and is now coveting my polar fleecy jacket.

He likes that I got "size now" and "size smaller". He is so proud of me. He loves it when people comment on my appearance now - he just grins.

I'm pretty tired so I'm going to crash out now.

I've got my Women's 4XL (sad to think that was just a bit roomy on me at my largest) navy tshirt I wear for cooking all set for tomorrow.

Yum.

[Houston Heather]

Ron teased me this morning by doing his "10 minute snooze alarms".

"Heather, 10 more minutes!" At first, I was like, "huh?" - being half asleep and all.

Then I realized it was Thanksgiving and mumbled back "I don't have to get up today!".

I got myself a noisemaker thing - I slept very well to the sounds of "ocean" last night. It's a good cue for Ron, too. If he hears it he knows I'm asleep.

I weigh myself naked every morning after using the toilet. We have a large bathroom mirror, probably 3x5 feet. I get an eyeful every morning.

I've noticed though, that recently I don't look bad. I have nice curves and not much belly flab. I'm getting very happy with how I look naked. If Ron could see I wouldn't feel embarrassed to have him look at me.

I dropped 2 pounds off what I weighed yesterday (probably 1 pound of retained water out of each breast!), but my waist and hips are still up a little. That's OK. I'm eating clean, that's what matters.

[Houston Heather]

We had a nice Thanksgiving dinner. Ron just had lots of dressing, a roll, a little gravy, and a little meat. He said the meat wasn't bad, which is good for him.

I placed a few strips of bacon across the turkey for flavor. Boy, it worked! Everything was nice and moist. The bacon was good, too.

I had a big pile of meat and some NSA no-crust pumpkin pie. It was very good, I estimate about 20 carbs. I subtracted out the carbs in an average pie crust from the total carb count, and divided by 4. Yes, I ate 1/4 of a pie.

For dinner, I'll have more turkey and salad. Ron is stuffed and has gone to bed.

[pennylovesdarren]

Happy Thanksgiving Heather! Glad you had a great day!

[Zer]

Luggage marking for easy I.D. - bright ribbon ties on each piece?

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

I decided to look at luggage online. I want to get some kind of rolling duffle and carryon backpack for our trip next year. I need to figure out what's a good size for 2 people for 5-6 days. 30 inches long? I plan to bring a couple of extra duffles so I can pack 'em with the good stuff I buy in Mexico....

...in a fun and funky color that says "Hey! Heather! Over here!" on the luggage carousel.

I almost had a heart attack looking at some places, I figure Walmart's going to be it. Which means everything will match, in black... boring.

Or I can get some cute stuff in hot pink or lime green but it might not all match. Hmmmm.

Go black, then tie on some outrageous tape or ribbon to make it all stand out as HEATHER'S ENSEMBLE!

[Houston Heather]

Yeah, something like that, or I may go with the rolling orange duffle.

Ack. Ron's been very needy and demanding today. I am trying to have a good attitude but I'm almost at the point of snapping at him.

I've eaten good, but I'm still kind of gassy and bloated - maybe it's the new splenda with fiber? I don't know.

Ack. I want to do something FUN tonight but I don't know what.

[pennylovesdarren]

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

I want to do something FUN tonight but I don't know what.

Me too!

[Houston Heather]

Well, I took all the meat off of Mr Turkey and froze it. Tomorrow I'll make a soup out of his bones and fat. Yum.

I had some turkey with cheddar cheese on top and a whipped cream thing (6 ounces) for dessert. I was glad I had a good meal.

I watched the Simpsons. It was the episode where Homer's mother finally died. She tries to make peace with him and he rejected her. Then he finds her dead.

It got me thinking about my relationship with my mother. She was so ill that I was pretty severely neglected, my Dad put me in daycare at age 2 and my sister actually quit school (she was a teenager) to care for us both (Dad traveled a lot). The truant officer caught up to her and all was revealed - Mom's depressions, my sister being the caregiver.

In very short order, I lost my mother to a hospital and my sister moved out after a horrible fight with my dad (her stepfather). Mom and Dad got divorced and Dad got custody. A few years later he remarried - she raised me and I consider her my "real" Mom. She's the one who taught me to tie my shoes, fussed over my skinned knees, cleaned up the mess when I threw up on the floor in the middle of the night, and taught me to crochet.

I saw very little of my "real" mother. She was sick. She could see me when she was better. As I got older I understood she had severe mental illness. She remarried a very nice guy and I used to spend a few Saturdays a month with them. I grew to love my Stepdad as another Daddy, but he died of cancer before a year was out. My mother lost it and I lost her again for another couple years.

Every few years, I'd endure a tearful visit. We'd meet somewhere, she'd cry a lot, tell me how much I'd grown, was I happy, more crying, then back home. She was also an alcoholic so my Dad did the right thing in protecting me.

What if she drove drunk? She had already given me FAS.

So, she joined AA and it stuck for a while. I was seeing her every Saturday. We did that for a few months and then my Dad moved me across the country.

My mother had promised to come visit, and Mom had the unfortunate job of telling me "She had a relapse, she won't be coming to visit you". After that I basically gave up on her.

Sometimes I'd get a box of presents when she was feeling manic. Sometimes a birthday check or card, most often not. "Mom" was the one who made me cornbread for my birthday dinner and cooked me a double chocolate birthday cake.

I went through cycles of anger and depression for years, especially when I discovered I had FAS and how I'd gotten it. I mean, on the one hand I wanted to go kick her ass for maiming me and damaging my life. But on the other hand, she was even more crippled up than me.

Oddly enough, she had insisted from the time I was first hospitalized for depression (age 13, first and only time) that I be tested for bipolar disorder. She was convinced one other family member and I were "positive". She was right. Unfortunately, none of my therapists/doctors could see it and they attributed it to "You've had a tough life".

When I moved out of my Dad's house, to run away with Ron, I told "Mom" to tell my mother what she wanted, but that I was gone. I didn't want them fighting because one thought the other was "hiding me".

To be honest, I hated the phone calls. She'd call me drunk and crying and so so sorry Heather, forgive me. I'd tell her I forgave her and endure the call as best I could. When she hung up, I felt like a huge load had been lifted off of me.

Of course, around then I found out about my FAS. I wasn't real happy about it.

So I moved without leaving a forwarding number. Dad and "Mom" didn't know my number either for about a year, I had run off with a man 19 years older than me, one with dismal prospects for lucrative employment. I was worried they might try to get me back.

They probably had a party .

I got her number one time, but I never called it. Then I found out she was dead. I realized later that my dream now made sense, especially when my sister gave me a fairly current photo of my mother.

A woman with short, wavy gray hair had come to me and asked for my forgiveness. Waves of love and regret just washed over me. So much love! "I'm so sorry, Heather. I didn't know! Can you forgive me?"

Of course I could. Now, I realized it had been my mother. I believe God allowed her a chance to apologize once He had showed her what the drinking had done to me and how it'd affected my life. Who could be happy in heaven with something like that hanging on them? So, we made our peace.

She had gotten saved 2 weeks before dying. That meant a lot to me. She died suddenly from a heart attack, she thought she had the flu. Someone went to check on her and she was dead on the floor.

Her death was a wakeup for me to take care of myself. I remember I am at risk of heart disease every day.

But sometimes I get angry I couldn't have had a normal mother and a normal childhood. Why did I have to wait until 5? Why did I have to constantly console my mother when I was the damaged one? Well, we were both damaged, but she shouldn't have had kids!

The show brought all that up for me. I'm still working on it. I am very grateful for my (step) Mom and I love her dearly. I was utterly awful to her for years before I was diagnosed and medicated, but she still loves me.

It sounds horrible, but I'm glad I never called before she died. She wouldn't have given me what I needed.

[Zer]

Care to share how you and R met? Were you very young? Underage? Is that why you ran off, to avoid being hauled back home as a minor?

[Houston Heather]

Pretty much, Zer.

First I have to thank you for the velcro shinguard idea. I got Ron some and he ADORES them. He puts them on every time he goes to work. Since he's blind, sometimes he slams the wheelchair into hard things when he's propelling himself around. It used to really hurt his knees. Not now.

My first 2 years in highschool, they didn't know where to put me. I needed supervision but I wasn't quite at the special ed level yet. They put me as a teacher's aide in the class for the blind students. For 2 years, I worked exclusively with a couple of blind students and their teacher. I learned braille and basic stuff about how to interact with "the blind". Robbie and Phil were great guys, I liked them a lot.

I got manic, stole from the coffee kitty at school, and was placed in a special ed class for severely emotionally disturbed - undiagnosed bipolar, diagnosed Fetal Alcohol. They were supposed to teach me "living skills" like how to ride the bus. I figured that one out on my own. I got on the bus, put my money in the fare box, sat down. A sign on the wall "Pull cord when approaching stop" I did so and got off. Easy.

I came back to school the next day and said you can forget the classes, I already rode the bus. They decided I needed to learn job skills. My parents always raised me with a good work ethic and I had plenty of chores to do. I didn't get my allowance until I did all my chores, too.

One weekend a month I did yard work, housework - cleaning 3 bathrooms, vacuuming, etc., and took out the trash for 6 people - a lot of trash. Every couple nights I did dishes for 6 people. Dad taught me basic home chores, like lawnmowing, cleaning out a bad drain, how to use a toilet plunger. Mom taught everyone the "girl stuff" like how to sew on a button.

I am a people pleaser, too. I love to make people happy.

So, they talked my parents into enrolling me in this program. I would learn how to work for a living at a fast food restaurant. They started me out watching videos and such, how to mop a floor, customer service, etc. Oh, and lots of "Don't steal". Duh, I'm a born-again Christian. I might get away with it on earth but God would kick my butt when I died. I don't steal.

I did well. They put me on a drive-through. I did very well. Once I dropped a $20 and I had to run outside and chase it through the parking lot, wearing my drive-through headset and uniform.

In the meantime, they had other disabled people there. One guy had a developmental disability, he did a lot of the cleaning. Actually, there were 2 guys with Developmental disabilities and they were both complete sweethearts.

There was a big blind guy, very loud and a little scary. There was also another blind guy who worked the cash register. I didn't know him very well until he was assigned to help me work the front - ringing up customers.

Recall those 2 years working with Robbie and Phil?

Ron, in the meantime, had been self-employed. His girlfriend had gotten hooked on crack cocaine. So had his best friend, who helped with the accounting. Ron lost his business due to the theft. Like he said, why check on them, he knew they were honest, until they ran off together and the creditors started calling.

He was looking to make a new start in the restaurant's management training program. He is an excellent manager. He was 37.

I was 17. One fateful day, Ron was assigned to train me to work the front register. We hit it off from the start - he loved my voice. He could also tell I was thin from putting his hand on my shoulder one day when I was guiding him past the deep fat fryer. I have a healthy terror of fryers.

He gave me his phone number and calling card. We started talking. He told me he was 37 but by then I didn't care. We were both deeply attracted. I mean, he's blind. He's working at a fast-food restaurant, his employment prospects are going to be lousy,but none of it mattered.

Of course we were found out. We were an open secret at work. Maria used to yell "Ron, your wife is here!" everytime I'd walk in the door, because he'd keep asking was I there yet.

When people asked why we spent so much time together, Ron used to say "It's because she's the only other fluent English speaker". The big loud blind guy, who felt very threatened by Ron, tried to get me to confide in him. Hey, I might be brain damaged but I'm not stupid.

We'd ride the bus to the mall after work, and one day I helped him pick out a new coat. I'd go to the bank and help him deposit his check. We'd go to a taco stand, get nachos, and eat them in the park. We fell for each other like a ton of bricks, but I was still "Illegal".

I mean, here we are, getting on the bus. I'm using my "YOUTH" pass and he's using the "DISABLED".

Then, someone called my Dad. It is a good thing that he is a born again Christian because he wanted to hurt Ron very, very, badly. It is also a good thing that Ron's blind.

The gist of the conversation went "Stay away from my daughter or I'll have you thrown in prison". Ron called a paralegal buddy. "Yeah, you could end up in jail for up to 60 years, Ron".

Any parent can understand, the last thing you want for your daughter is a guy with lousy employment prospects, 20 years older than her. It wasn't that he is mixed race, it wasn't that he was blind, it was the age difference and frankly the fact that he didn't have visible means to support me.

I didn't care. My mom tried to tell me "You may have to work and support him". Didn't faze me. Ron has an amazing work ethic. He longest he was ever unemployed was right after his accident. He didn't work for 11 months.

Anyway, Ron and I snuck around. Ron was evicted from his rental (her son was moving in) and found a badly converted garage apartment. It still had the garage door to fool the housing inspector. It had a plastic sink, fed by a hose in the wall. It had a lousy fridge. It had a small "counter", on which Ron put his microwave (with braille labels he added to identify the various settings). It had a tiny bathroom with a small shower stall, sink, and toilet with a broken seat. It was about 400 square feet.

Home sweet home for the next year - I ran away the day after I turned 18. I didn't get in touch with my family for ages, I was very angry at them.

Ron said "Hey, I would have done what your Dad did, you need to make this right." So, I did. Dad was amazed at how happy I was (and still am) with Ron and decided Ron must be alright.

When Ron nagged me into getting my GED (I had to drop out of high-school, too), Dad REALLY took a shine to him.

On Ron's last birthday, Dad left him a message "I know you're taking good care of my daughter".

[Houston Heather]

I've got a little nausea and a headache today. Ugh. I think it has to do with caffeine or aspartame.

So, do I got to the grocery store and buy more? Even though aspartame makes people retain water? Do I elect to buy more and deal with this addiction later?

I don't know.

A nap is sounding good right now.

Ron woke up a couple hours ago and stumbled to the bathroom. I asked if he slept OK. He said "I'm not done yet!"

[Houston Heather]

When he woke up, I offered to cook him something.

He said no so I asked him when he ate last. He said, OK, he'd take some fish sticks.

I made him a salad with some baby carrots on the side. Ranch dressing. I gave that to him while I fixed the fish sticks.

He ate the whole thing and said he could definitely eat a salad every day, couple times a day. He had a glass of milk, fish sticks, the carrots, and the salad with dressing.

Thank God I'm finding things he can eat!

Later on I'll be making some scrambled and hard boiled eggs for him.

[Houston Heather]

I think I'm a little backed up. And I've had a headache today. I decided to double up on both and take some epsom salts. Magnesium (salts) are very good for headaches, I've read.

I have to say my head does feel better. I just hope I don't regret this.

Off I go to take a nice rose-scented Bubble bath.

[Zer]

What a great story, you and R, meeting like that and connecting through a shared work ethic. I'd like someone who shares my worth ethic.

Originally Posted by Houston Heather

I have to thank you for the velcro shinguard idea. I got Ron some and he ADORES them. He puts them on every time he goes to work. Since he's blind, sometimes he slams the wheelchair into hard things when he's propelling himself around. It used to really hurt his knees. Not now.

Great! So glad R's now impervious to stuff he slams into! Might be he could use some of the gear that catchers wear at baseball games - or that hockey goal guards wear. Sounds as if he really rocks as he works. Do you think he'd like to have some curb guards, like what my dad put on our car so we knew we were too close to the curb. Metal spring things, they were, that made a noise as they hit a curb. Saved wear on tires, I think. I'm wondering if anything like that is available for wicked wheelchair drivers.

[Houston Heather]

You have got to see the documentary "Murderball" - it's about wheelchair rugby players.

Ron generally runs into janitorial carts, gaping postal workers, and walls.

[Houston Heather]

Those Epsom salts didn't fool around. Whooo!

I will be curious to see it it helps tomorrow.

All I have planned for tomorrow is a trip to the store on the bus. It's nice to just be lazy today, so much running around recently. Ack.

[Houston Heather]

It's been really windy and "cold" the last couple days. Snow, you would laugh your butt off at what we consider cold - anything below 50 and everyone bundles up like they're going skiing.

I had posted a whole update but the wind knocked out our power before I could post it. Bad wind. We still have some temporary fixes due to the hurricane, I think. Normally this kind of weather doesn't get us.

Ron's been running the heater a lot. Poor baby is frozen.

We went to work, had a good time. It's a good thing we can live on the cheap 'cause sales are HORRIBLE. I haven't had to stock the snack machine in nearly a week!

Apparently, they got confused about the "Doorbuster sales" and broke a door on our food machine. Ron loved my joke, and so did the repairman. The $140 bill wasn't very funny, though. We can write it off.

Ron told me he really hated the idea of calling and ordering stuff for me, could I just buy it online? So I did. I told him everything "we" were getting and he kept telling me, spend more, spend more. After about $80 I told him I can't think of anything! I'm done! He says I still have a few days if I want.

I went to Goodwill today and found a really cute eyelet dress. It has about a 30.5 inch waist. It ought to fit me great by the time the weather warms up. I also found a GORGEOUS lacy silk sweater for $5. It's in perfect condition! I have no idea why anyone would give it up. Maybe it was the wrong style for them? It's great 'cause it's dressy. I could use more dressy.

I'm going to dig around in my dressy clothes box later. I have a really adorable lavender silk suit I want to measure. Eventually it's going to fit me. I'd like to know when. Some of the stuff, like the pleated front cords, can go. ICK! I am convinced that pleats make me look fatter.

Oh, funny story. Today a driver came to pick us up. He hasn't seen us in about 5 months or so. I came out of the bank and he stared at me blankly. I asked was he for us and he said "Ronald?". I said, yes "driver name", I'll go get him. As I brought Ron out I could see him recoginize me. I was too thin! He was used to fat Heather! Awesome. The guy is wonderful, but he has a major thing for English Leather. Ick. He sprays it all over the cab.

I can see why, though, some of the clients have bladder accidents in the vehicle.

Oh, and all 3 trips were straight. That's unheard of! I expect to ride around a LOT tomorrow.

Overall, a good, fun, productive, day.

Oh, and I'm down to 174 after my period, but my waist is still 32.5? Agh!