Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Houston Heather]

Good news, I figured out how to play only Skillet on my MP3 player. It's been a day for a whole lot of Skillet.

Slept horribly, Ron's doctor was making hospital noises yesterday but agreed Ron could just come in and do a regular visit. Got a lot done at work.

I brought cooked sausage, 1/4 a small apple, some cheese sticks, Slimfast low carb, and money. I ended up eating everything except the money.

So we got from work to the doctor's office, an all too common occurance these days. The doctor's running late. I end up sitting next to a lady who was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I told her about my symptoms, how I was "so bad my husband here wanted to check himself into a nursing home", and my medication. She had a lot of questions about side effects, how long does it take for the pills to work, etc. I happily answered all of them. Ron said I was a very good "Big Sister" even though the lady was easily 20 years older than me. I told Ron this is probably why we are here today, to help the lady.

They took his blood pressure and weighed him. He lost 3 more pounds, he's only 130 (at 5'7) with his clothes on. He was able to give a urine sample. It showed sugar in his urine so the doctor checked his blood sugar (99), and had him do other blood tests. They all came back OK except for him having the bladder infection. She gave him Augmentin - a prescription. She wants to do more tests on his kidneys and an abdominal ultrasound.

Afterwards, I got myself a heavy whipping cream with a shot of sugarfree vanilla - you can get it at Starbucks but you have to ask. I got Ron a steamed 2% milk with 2 splendas. He loved it and drank the whole thing.

Ron was miserable and aching. The doctor is obviously concerned but wants to wait on the Neurologist. I asked Ron "How do we know he didn't run off with his receptionist?" I'm beginning to think he did. We haven't heard anything and Ron's called.

Ugh. I'm worn out, tired, I begged God for a sign, any sign, that things will get better. I'm so tired of hanging on and wondering if whatever's ailing Ron is going to make me a widow. How I'd cope if that happened.

I took all my pills today, and I'm at a good lithium level. I can tell because my ears ring occasionally. Whenever my ears are ringing, I'm at a therapeutic dose. Funny, huh? They're ringing.

I checked the mail and began walking back towards the house. I was overcome with the most powerful urge to KEEP WALKING! Then Bubba came running towards me with his tail in the air, meowing. I sat down in our driveway - it's my driveway, I can sit there whenever I want - and Bubba loved on me for a while. I'm his best buddy. I gave him BBQ (Ron couldn't eat it, and I don't like chicken), and that fake deli meat you get for less than a dollar at the grocery store. Ron wanted to try it, it was horrible, so I gave Bubba some turkey and pastrami last night. I'm on Bubba's good list after that; plus he knows I'm in pain and wants to comfort me.

I loved on him for a while (he will never act like that inside the house) and called him to come in the house. I got him 2 slices of "turkey". I figure it's healthier for him than those treats that are full of corn and wheat.

He came and loved on me again after eating them. He's a good boy.

I ate pretty clean until now, when I got that jar of peanut butter, a spoon, and a slimfast lowcarb.

You know, it isn't so much the big things. It's the uncertainty of not knowing if Ron's going to get worse, die or not, get better, when he'll get better, all those questions. If the doctor would just call and say "He won't get any worse, but he won't get better, either" I could live with that. My mind is eating me alive right now.

And stupid things, like the shower curtain rod keeps falling down. I have to take out the trash. I'm tired of nagging him to eat. I want someone else to cook me dinner.

Now I'm whining. It wasn't a bad day but I'm pretty worn out.

I ate more peanut butter, then threw away the jar. I won't be buying more for months.

[Houston Heather]

Feeling better!

1. Had a nice G rated cuddle and chat with Ron. I can snuggle up against his back now and wrap my legs around him, and yak. I was very happy. I told him I was feeling a little starved for cuddles and yakking.

2. Watched "The Thing" on Sci-fi, while working on easy knitting. Decided to make myself a cute wool hat so....

3. I got into my yarn "Treasure Chest" - filled with really nice yarn, and picked out some hot pink, magenta, and orange wool/mohair blend yarn to make myself a toasty and fun hat.

[Houston Heather]

Another bad morning, even though I went to Walmart. I got some yarn for my next project, Ron's prescriptions, etc.

Frosty is limping. We're going to take him to the vet on Monday after work. Poor baby. His leg appears fine but he won't put any weight on it, and cried when I touched it.

I'm hoping a nap will help. I feel so - ha - depressed. I remind myself I'm carrying a big load that seems heavier every day. It's normal to feel discouraged and down.

I will continue to eat wisely. 181 today - I'm going down to Induction levels for a while, and then slowly adding in veggies.

[Houston Heather]

Battling a little depression today - who wouldn't in my shoes?

Feeling kind of frustrated at my stupid 4 pound weight gain from hell. Hungry, don't really feel like eating, trying to stay on plan.

I screwed up the hat I'm knitting myself and had to unravel it. Am I incapable of hats right now? We'll see when I try again.

Anyway, not bad for a day off, my cat hurt, my husband still sick, having to tell my family all this during the weekly call, "Wow, Heather, you're going through a lot". I'm not too proud to ask for prayer for my cats, either. Everyone thinks to pray for the husband, but what about poor Frosty?

When we went to Walmart this morning, we scheduled it for 9-10:30. We got there and I turned in Ron's presciption for the new antibiotic. Another $65. Ouch. Hope it works. It doesn't seem to be hurting him, so I'll take it. Well, he'll take it.

[Big Sigh] I got some Ron food (sausage & egg biscuits - he said the biscuit and egg was OK - ie not revolting but the sausage had to go). I got myself more food, salad stuff mainly. I also got some candy, and called Ron.

I asked if we could split the cost of the candy. He said, get it all on my money and get some more. We hate running out and it's happened almost every year. We run out or have 2-3 bags (I hand out small baggies with assorted candy) left.

I bought it. Fast-forward to watching the new Sci-fi movie. A very good movie, but I've been getting kind of weepy at the endings recently. I guess I need to cry now and then.

The knitting wasn't working and I didn't want another failure. Hard to feel good about myself then, huh? I decided to bag up the candy. I opened various bags - mini hershey bars, mini assortments (snickers, milky way), Now and Laters (we used to love that stuff as kids), Dum Dum Pops (I have very fond memories of my birth mother and Dum Dum Pops - she always used to buy them for me. So did my paternal Grandma), etc.

I bag bag bag. One bar of each in the baggie. Zip it and stick it in my 5 gallon candy bucket. I had already partially prepared some candy - all I could afford last week, mainly a few wrapped lifesavers (individual candies), wrapped single stick licorice, etc. I'd open each bag and add in the new candy, then zip it and stick it. I had about 50 bags prepped.

I had bought my candy with the expectation I'd make about 100 bags total. I did very well. I didn't eat any chocolate and I wasn't tempted. I used to like Now and Laters because they were cheap and sugary. If I want a sweet now I can make a whipped cream thing or have a Slimfast Low Carb. No problems with any of the chocolate.

I wasn't very tempted by the sweetarts. I always liked them because you got a lot of the little discs in one roll. I'd eat one or two at a time and make them last. Yummy. But, no thanks.

However, I made the mistake of reading the flavors in the Dum Dum Pops. Ooooh! Pink Lemonade! I loved that! Oh, and look! Cherry Cola! Oh, I bet that is good....

Then the famous... I could always take one lick, and throw it out. I get even farther into trouble by reading the carb count on the bag. Only about 5 grams. 5 grams won't hurt!

The next time I saw a Pink Lemonade, I put it aside. Just in case, a maybe kind of thing. Oh, and a Cherry Cola, too.

I seriously considered it for a while and said - NO. I bagged up the 2 reserved lolipops and put them in my bucket of candy. I found a couple of unwrapped lolipops in the bag (Mango, and strawberry), but thankfully they were YUCK flavors for me.

I wouldn't have thought the Dum Dums would tempt me so much, but I'm glad I wasn't Dum Dum enough to eat them!

[Houston Heather]

Ron ate one of the little snickers bars we have and said it only tasted a little wierd. He ate the entire thing.

I'm back down to 179. The lower carbs are doing the trick.

Poor Frosty is still limping around the house. He's going to the vet tomorrow. I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed with hurt cat/sick husband. I'll be glad when one of them is better!

Off I go to shower and run off for some fun.

[Houston Heather]

I had a fun trip to the grocery store. I'm excited about the cut up turkey wings and excellently priced pork chops.

I took a long nap and slept too long, I had nightmares. My sister has a lump in her breast and is getting a biopsy on Monday. Also, her daughter's car burned up today.

Man. You can bet I'm taking my pills! I'm trying to eat as cleanly as possible, too.

[Houston Heather]

Well, Frosty had to go to the vet today. He had an abcess/infection from a wound - probably a cat bite. They drugged him, shaved him, and cleaned him out. I have cat antibiotics in the fridge, too.

It took about 2 hours or so. Not bad. I managed to get some knitting done - about 4-5 rows, while we waited. The vet is very kind and sweet-talked Frosty, while petting him. They really liked him. He's my baby. I felt like he got good care. He's hiding under the bed for some reason, though.

Sales are pretty slow. I was able to get everything done in the time allotted at work. I even battled the coffee machine, and fixed it.

My mood is pretty good considering. I've eaten 2 slimfast low carbs, 3 ounces of peanuts, and some sausage today. I'm just not very hungry!

The butt of my jeans is getting loose (the regular 12's) and I can almost pull them off without unzipping them! Does this mean another trip to Walmart? We'll see.

Oh, I got my cholesterol results back from the blood bank. 160! Yee-haw!

[Houston Heather]

How do you like my new avatar? That's Shadow, (2001-2003) with my much-loved copy of DANDR. I painted that bed myself.

A long story on the bed. Ron was having back troubles prior to his accident and slept on a twin mattress he laid on the floor. I had my own twin bed. After the accident, Ron couldn't walk and couldn't even sit up by himself! It was obvious I'd be sleeping on the floor and Ron would get the bed.

I did it. It wasn't too bad, I mean, it's not like I was sleeping great anyway. My grandmother died within a week of Ron coming home and he would wake me up a couple times a night.

My aunt came to visit - a checkup - and was horrified to find me sleeping on the floor. She had an old daybed frame but it was really beat up! I decided to paint it. I thought, well, if I'm going to paint it I might as well make it interesting. I got some metal primer, masking tape, magenta spray paint, and purple spray paint. The rest is history.

By the time I got the daybed fixed up, Ron was actually letting me sleep. It had a happy ending. Shadow loved her Daddy, but she died of breast cancer in August of 03. Ron was still pretty out of it and it took him a while to figure out she was gone.

I think I'm about to whoosh. That would rock. I'm considering making my goal weight 147 just so it can be exactly 80 pounds lost. All things considered I'm very proud of myself, especially this weekend with a injured cat and a sick husband, plus the depression. Yay. I ate clean!

[Snowman]

Your avatar is cute!

Glad Frosty is ok and home!

YOU SHOULD be proud of yourself, Heather!!

Note to self: Eat clean like Heather!!

[Houston Heather]

I'm really hungry today.

I'm going to have an omlette and some bacon for lunch. I already had 2 slimfast low carb, 2 bags of peanuts, 4 sausage patties, and a cheese stick. I hope I lose tomorrow.

Today was bad. I ran into someone who wouldn't believe I have a disability and needed a little "help". That was pretty painful.

Then my husband got a call from his neurologist's receptionist "Sorry, I can't help you. All your tests are normal, nothing I can do." Thanks.

Ron's drinking some vodka and I can't blame him. If I could drink, I'd be drinking right now too, but it would make me freak out and see things, get paranoid, and the invisible bugs on my skin would come back.

I'm going to eat healthy, just my way of saying F-you to the forces that are persecuting me. [big sigh]

I've got a big load right now, but a couple of cute things. I ordered my red wool blanket a while ago and told God to send it to me as a sign He loves me and this is all working for good. It arrived today.

My black cat, Bubba, is being very affectionate with me. He's lying near me right now as I type.

Ron just called asking for answers on how to fix this. I told him, no one knows. I've done my research.

In a lot of regards, my life sucks pretty hard right now. I think I'm going to take an extra lithium today. I need it.

[momacat]

Doesn't Ron have a GP doctor...someone is managing all of his health care issues? Someone needs to look at all of his tests results and figure out what needs to be done.

[Houston Heather]

She has even FEWER answers than the neurologist, and a whole lot of very expensive tests. Ack!

It will get better....

[Snowman]

HANG IN THERE, HEATHER!! Keep your chin up, Ron needs YOU!!!

Remember to keep doing "fun" stuff for Heather!!

Glad you got your wool blanket and it cheered you up!! I can't imagine that you need a wool blanket in TX??!! Sure need one here in PA!!

[Houston Heather]

Oh, I'm a layerer. One reason we have separate bedrooms.

In the summer, I sleep under 2-3 layers (cotton blanket, quilt, acrylic blanket). In the winter, I add even more layers (summer layers plus extra blankets). I'm a pretty restless sleeper, too. Best of all, I'm incredibly messy in my areas of the house. Ron's a neat freak. He says blind people have to be tidy and clutter is just painful to him.

Ron has trouble sleeping, loves to listen to TV in bed, and listen to talking books (which have a loud machine). He sleeps in one position so the cats love him. They love to sleep stretched out on him. We spend every waking minute together so it's nice to have our own space.

I very carefully washed the blanket - it sure bled a lot of dye! I'm glad I washed it. I did take my nap under it and I was impressed. It's nice, not itchy, and warm.

Ron likes to use a heated mattress pad in the winter - best money I EVER spent. He's always freezing but hates covers. He tends to run chilly. He also has a feather quilt (an anniversary present), and the afghan I made him. He loves them all.

[Houston Heather]

Some good news today, Ron's doctor called him and said he wanted to try a prescription. It might help with his symptoms.

I'm going to see if it's ready tomorrow. I'm taking the bus and Ron is staying home. He gave me cab fare to get home. I'm fine/safe getting where I want to go, but getting home is a little exciting. We'd both rather I take a cab, stimulate the economy. Ron isn't paying for us eating out all the time (and I bought my own food at Walmart) so he can afford $15 every other week.

I left Frosty's antibiotic out today. I feel horrible. His leg's a thousand times better, he seems SO much more comfortable, he may be limping all over but he's eating and acting like his usual sweet self. I just spent about 5 minutes petting him as he lay on my new red blanket. I'll remind you here, he's a white cat.

I've read that cats like wool, it reminds them of their mothers when they were little. Maybe it's just the cozy thing he needs. Anyway, his antibiotic is supposed to be refrigerated so it may be spoiled. If so, I'll have to take 1/3 of my fun money for tomorrow and buy him some fresh.

Of course I'll do it! I just called the doctor to ask.

My doctor fell and hurt his leg. He's going to call me tomorrow and "Do it over the phone" - that saves us a huge amount of hassle getting there. His office is way across town, so we'd have a 2 hour ride to get there. Each way. Stuffed into the back of a cab like sardines (with someone else, especially people who are not thin and very few clients are thin), jouncing along... ick.

Now, he's so good both of us are completely happy to do this 4 times a year, but if I can get phone appointments a couple times a year I LOVE IT. He'll call me at 11.

I can get Frosty's medicine (I walk 1.5 miles each way). Come home, give it to him, give them a canned treat. Eat. Get some soda, catch the bus. I can talk to my doctor anywhere. If Ron's prescription is ready, I'll probably go to the Goodwill and yarn shop, then catch a connecting bus to the Walmart. They understand I don't have a car, blah, blah, if I find something wonderful at the stores and take it into the Walmart. It's all about "Is it a return" and I worked retail long enough to understand I'll have cameras on me the whole time.

I did some shoplifting as a teen but was only caught by my Mom, who dragged me to the store and made me confess. I was manic from my antidepressant and I didn't care about consequences, rules, or those pesky 10 Commandments . God knows I'm sorry and I take my meds so it will NEVER happen again.

Anyway, after Walmart I'll probably call a cab and come home. I'm toying with the idea of going to the sporting goods store. They have some cute jackets and I am a jacket freak. I think I have almost as many jackets I as I have "underwear". We'll see.

We got major rain today - probably 5 inches or so, after we got home. Bubba kept crying while I tried to nap. He wanted to go "out" and "use it". When I opened the door, he changed his mind.

Since I had a lot of caffeine today, and no nap, I took 4 lithium. I don't want to get hyper.

I think I'm handling all this stress pretty well and I don't want to screw it up.

My weight is about the same - 179, but my period is due in a day or two anyway. I can tell I'm pretty bloated and it all seems to come off pretty well once my period starts. I can even tell the day my period starts because my breasts don't hurt and I've lost weight that morning.

I'm trying to get off the aspartame, again. I bought 2 gallons of presweetened sugarfree iced tea (splenda). Ron bought me plenty of Diet RC cola (Splenda + caffeine, I like it best of any diet soda). He doesn't mind if I bring home a 12 pack now and then. I can drink - gasp - WATER or decaf iced tea I brew myself.

It won't hurt. I'd like to have very few toxins in my diet. I'd like to cut out things I know aren't good for me, as much as possible.

Ron decided not to get a food delivery this Friday - we don't really need it. Sales are slow, we can get a junk food delivery next week. They sent us the wrong water last time. It doesn't fit in the machine! So we are exchanging the more expensive water they gave us (at the cheap price) for the cheap 20 ounce screw cap water. We use Ozarka. They like it, I like it, good food cost.

Bubba cat just came in soaking wet. Everyone knows the routine. Bubba comes home wet, rubs against my leg. I tell Ron "Bubba's home, and he's wet". Ron get the paper towels while Bubba heads for Ron's room. Bubba jumps on the bed. Daddy give him treats. Bubba eats while Daddy dries him off. He purrs very loudly, so loudly that Ron once took him to the vet. She said he's just a happy boy with a loud purr.

You can see why I like her.

I finished about half of the hat I'm knitting myself. Just waiting today on our rides.

My next project? I'm going to make myself some purple fingerless gloves out of wool/nylon sock yarn. I'm using two tiny little (size 2) double points to knit a swatch and figure out my calculations. I already started that, and I dragged a fall colors shawl out of my yarn box. It's about 3/4 finished. Some stitches had fallen off the needle, and it looked bad. I sat down with it recently while "treasure hunting" and discovered things weren't as bad as they looked. I got the stitches back on, only a few minor glitches, and the pattern came back to me. Did I mention I lost the pattern?

I can work on that while watching TV and take my hat/gloves projects along when I'm traveling. They should both be done well before Thanksgiving.

I'm really proud of the fact that I'm doing nice things for myself.

[Houston Heather]

Frosty kept me up all night crying, and then finally used the box this morning. He's doing better. The vet called back and said that the medicine was fine.

My doctor called an hour early. I was naked. But I didn't tell him that! We talked and he said that I'm "A very smart woman" who is "handling everything well". That was very nice to hear.

Ron's prescription is in! It is Neurontin. We got the generic version. Only $108 a month. I hope it helps.

He drank a milkshake - milk + nsa chocolate ice cream. He said it was "delicous". He also had some butter pecan no sugar added ice cream, saying it was "Very good". I'm going to make him another shake with some mocha flavored whey powder in it. Even more protein! I hope his flavors are gradually returning.

I had fun shopping. I didn't see anything at Goodwill, the cats won't touch the fancy cat treats I bought, and I had some fun at the yarn shop. I used my disabled card on the bus and saved some money that way.

Ugh. Really tired even though I had a partial nap - loud re-roofing noises coming from one house away.

It was cold enough that I wore my heavy coat and a black wool hat. I was glad I had it! I got some cute yarn at the yarn shop.

I went to a McDonald's, not my usual one. I knew I had the time because I'd just seen the bus go by. I tried to get a grilled chicken breast fillet, and a small double hamburger, hold the bread. They screwed it up repeatedly AND had to get a manager involved. Yike. I finally got my food, ate it, and took my noon pill.

Then I caught the bus to my Walmart (total today, 3 buses, about half an hour waiting total - a lot better than Metrolift!). Ron wanted more cheese on wheat crackers - good! I put them in the cart. I only drank iced tea and Diet RC (no aspartame) today, by the way, so when I got thirsty I put some small bottles of splenda "Sweet" brewed tea in the cart and told Ron he was buying them. He was happy to do it.

Over to the pharmacy. It was a little exciting finding MY pills, they found his easily. They are really nice and "get" what I want. They also recognize me and remember my name. They found mine. Grand total for everyone: $290. OUCH.

I went and did a little shopping, got the no sugar added butter pecan ice cream, and Ron called a cab. A few minutes later a cab pulls up - it's Greg! Greg is a really nice guy from Russia or Eastern Europe. He was actually tortured so much it ruined his voice. Once he got out he came here and got his cab license. He can barely talk but is so kind and sweet. I was thrilled to get him.

I came home, gave Ron his stuff, and crashed. I am beat, beat, beat, but I need to do some cooking. I have a few things at the sell by date so I have to cook 'em.

Then either early to bed or some knitting, but I'm awfully tired.

[Houston Heather]

Tired today. Frosty kept me up all night crying to go out, then he finally used the litterbox as I was getting ready for work. I did a test with him. Since Frosty is a rescue cat, he's pretty jumpy. He walked by and his gait looked pretty good. I pretended to be a stray dog and started barking at him as I lunged for him. He did a very nice pivot and bolt.

It took him about 20 minutes, a boat load of cat treats, and showing him the now-open cat door before he forgave me. Bubba's happy the door's open too. They love to just sit outside at night.

Ron's pills are already helping him. Thank God! He said his feet are a little less tingly and he was able to eat a decent amount of food too.

I've just been tired, Frosty's cried every night for a week to go out. I don't see how a mother of a human being does it. All you Moms and Dads have my respect!

I was kind of bad eating today, very hungry. I ate some no sugar added apple pie, too many peanuts, and some no sugar added butter pecan. Frosty enjoyed licking the bowl.

More tomorrow. I'll tell you all about my fall colors shawl I'm knitting. It's very warm and I like the colors I picked out.

[Houston Heather]

Bad headache today, but I didn't gain anything either. I got some knitting done and watched the original zombie movie - Night of the Living Dead. It was pretty good, as was the Pumpkinhead movie that followed.

More later as I feel better.

[Zer]

Heather, just peeking in here to see how you (and R) are, as I did not see any posts from you today and wondered if you are all right. Okay, R too. I miss you when you get too busy to post. Sounds as if R is doing better, so I'll move my nosy self on, out of your journal. Just had to see what's going on with you.

[Houston Heather]

Awww, you're a sweetie Zer!

Yesterday, we went to work. Lots of work on the Fall Colors shawl (photos coming soon) I'm knitting. I designed it myself. I'm very pleased with it, almost done - definitely this week. Like Ron said, I'm not in a race, just enjoy the process.

Today, vicious cramps and headache. I had planned to do another bus trip to Walmart - Ron's almost out of Tylenol, but it didn't happen. I curled up with a hot water bottle, my faithful cat at my feet (Frosty). I got up around 3, feeling slightly better. I did some more work on... you guessed it, Fall Colors. Watched some courtroom shows.

I'm glad it's always been clear that Ron supports me financially, except for a month or two here and there. He's a good guy in all senses of the word.

Speaking of Ron, he's eating his way through our stash of Cheese On Wheat Crackers by Lance. He adores them, they taste delicious. I'm not a big cracker lover, but Ron's happy. I made him a chili dog with no dog - just a bun filled with chili. He said it was perfect. I had made a small portion with cheese, which he normally loves, but he couldn't eat it.

His feet still kill him, but he's sleeping better, in my opinion. He keeps asking me if I think he can go "up" on his medication early, and I tell him "Dude, it's your brain." He decides to wait.

Work is slow, of course, with the economy the way it is the snack vending machine is the first item to get slashed off the budget. People buy their own snacks at Walmart, and put their potato chips into baggies and bring that in for a snack.

However, we usually do OK with the food vendors, sodas, and coffee vending machine. I help Ron out in those areas, putting new waters in the fridge as I take out the old, etc. It's a good workout for me.

Normally bad days happen on Tuesday - even the day Ron got run over! But I've decided tomorrow will be a good day, just work-walmart-home.

[Houston Heather]

My cat brought me a live, screaming bunny rabbit.

Bunny rabbit is now in a cat carrier, lined with a clean old towel. He has organic mesclun mix, a bowl of water, and some petting from me. Sure is a cute little thing.

I named it Trix, 'cause it's a silly rabbit. I tried to put it out and it refused to leave. Seeing the weather outside, I couldn't argue. It's chilly for H-town, low of 40 tonight.

So, he's hanging out in my locked bedroom tonight. I have no problem giving it up tomorrow, I've got plenty of love-babies.

Besides, I keep looking at it and remembering the time my FIL served Ron BBQ rabbit. Ron loved it until he realized he'd just eaten "Fluffy" - he had a pet rabbit when he was a little boy.

Poor Ron. Poor Trix! Poor Bubba being yelled at by Mommy!

[Zer]

Heather, just been reading up on Manuka honey as a remedy for a seeping sore and for migranes and I'm wondering if my own feet might be less painful (nutritional neuropathy residual from disasterous WLSurgery in mid1970s) if I used honey or bee pollen or... well, I may well try some of this bee/honey therapy. I'll ask the Naturopathic Doc who I am just starting to seek advice from. Maybe you too can benefit - headaches just wipe me out! - and who knows but R might like some honey in his p'butter. I used to stir honey into p'butter for a treat. Yum!

[Houston Heather]

Peanut butter and crunchy honey on whole wheat bread. OH. MY. GOD.

I think it's related to my cycle, eating bad things, and a cold front came in.

Mr. Rabbit didn't make it. He died peacefully in his sleep.

When I woke up from my nap, Mr. Rat. Yes, a rat, was sitting on the shower bench in the bathroom. I did not harm the cat. I did not harm the rat. I put the rat in a box, very carefully, and put him/it outside. The rat can now become a little ratty evangelist, telling the other rats how it escaped certain death.

He's lucky Bubba's got a softy mother. Ron would have killed it if he could have.

EW. Live rat in the bathroom. UGH.

I got into the crunchy peanut butter afterwards. UGH.

[Houston Heather]

Even though I dug a half-eaten jar of peanut butter out of the trash for my dinner, I'm very proud of myself today. Evil, crunchy peanut butter.

I didn't set my alarm properly and Ron's didn't go off either. We woke up about 10 minutes before our pickup, but were ready in time. Not the best start to the day. We had a 4 AM pickup to go to work, because Dr Pepper was making a delivery . They never showed, but will redeliver either tomorrow or Friday. Greaaaat.

Our driver seemed ill and told us she was coming down with the flu, as she coughed into her hands and pushed the wheelchair. I had to put my hands on those same handles and push Ron into work. Please, Lord, let me stay healthy!

About an hour into work, I was whacked with a vicious and evil depression. I hate it. Here I was, getting paid today, and I was miserable. I didn't want to hurt/kill myself, so it was about a 5 on the depression scale, 10 being the worst.

I told Ron and told him the best thing I could do was A) take another lithium, which I had (total of 4 today) and B) stay busy.

I stayed busy and managed to put on a convincing act that I was fine. I don't like to "act" depressed if I can help it.

After work we went to the bank, made the deposit. The depression was worse. I was so bad I forgot to tell the teller to take out my pay, but Ron remembered. "Heather, you get paid!"

I got my pay and divvied it up. This pay period, I wanted to deposit some cash into my internet fun money account. It is separate and in my name only. I also split it into "This week" and "Next week", so I don't blow it too soon (learned that years ago during a manic spending spree that annhialated 2 weeks' pay in one day).

I stuck "This week" in my pocket. When I got home, "Next week" got stuck in a hidey-hole. We had a good ride home.

I ate a snack, and took another lithium. Within a few hours, it worked and I had a good rest of the day. I'm going to be taking 4 tablets a day for a while. That was a close call!

After I got home, I put up my money, got my little backpack, and headed out to the bus stop. I have a thing called a Q card. It has an RFID chip in it. I put a $20 credit on it when I bought it. Today it had $19. Since I'm "disabled" I get 50 cents a trip on the bus, with transfers, etc. It's a lot cheaper for Metro (bus company) to give me a discounted bus fare than it is to do a paratransit trip - they average about $30 a ride.

I'm OK with that, I can ride the bus. I missed the first bus. I had to wait a half hour. I went to my favorite BBQ joint and bought a half pound of links. I ate some of it then and there, and took the rest with me as I traveled, slowly eating my way to an empty box. What a tasty chore.

I went to the transfer bus stop. My ride was over an hour late, it had gotten into a wreck. I did some knitting, but I was still moderately depressed. I mainly just listened to my music, sat in the sun, and waited for the lithium to do it's mood stabilizing thing.

By the time the bus came, I felt a lot better. I went to the pet store but they were out of my boys' cat food. I went to Half Price books and found a great old knitting pattern, and a good book by my favorite fantasy author (Mercedes Lackey). Then, Hobby Lobby. I got some plastic double pointed needles, and a little carrying case. I debated buying a tote.

I have a hot pink backpack and a bright red jacket. When I was crossing 1960, a VERY busy road, I was exceedingly glad I am bright and visible. I'm really paranoid about being hit by a car. My husband, who was incredibly careful, did everything right on his way to work and he got hit by a guy who wasn't paying attention! I always make sure I make eye contact before stepping out in front of a car.

Anyway, I clash. It offends my asthetic sense. I was about to say something very negative about myself but I won't allow that. I wanted a bag that zipped, various compartments, cute, not-clashing-with-the-red-jacket. I didn't find it, but I did find a cute little zippered case that will be great for storing double pointed needles, stitch markers, all those little knitting things when I did find the right bag.

Then I went to Walmart. I had forgotten my deposit slips and have no clue of my account number, but I asked nicely and the teller made the deposit happen. He was very impressed I'm making Ron a hat and mittens (I am). He told me Ron is very lucky. I told him we both are.

Ron wanted junk food, so I bought it. I bought 5 cases of Slim Fast Low-carb, I'll drink it and I'd rather get them all now and not worry about picking one up here and there. I used a Slimfast Low Carb to take my lithium at work. It's important!

I found a perfect tote bag in the luggage department. It has loads of compartments, nice looking, and black. It'll match everything and hangs great on my shoulder or the back of the wheelchair. I had stuck it on my shoulder after showing it to Ron at home. Then I sorted out all the laundry. I then realized I'd worn the bag during my whole sort! Obviously it's perfect. It has a 10 year warranty, too. Well worth the $20.

My favorite clothing company (Seed) is back at Walmart. Yay! I got a pair of their drawstring pants (incredibly comfortable) and a couple long-sleeved shirts, something I really need desperately.

Ron called me a cab when I was done. I got a fast trip home and I'm getting good credibility with the drivers. For a $13 trip, I give them $20. They come fast, are nice, and help with the bags. Worth it! So worth it! I just budget for it.

Ron LOVED hanging out at home with the cats while I shopped. He is excited to have me make him a new hat (damned moth got ahold of the wool ski-mask I made him few years ago!).

I'm going to go buy the yarn right now.

[Houston Heather]

UGH. 183 this morning! Other than a few bites of hash browns, I ate clean today.

EVERYONE we encountered today was sick! I found it very disturbing. It's really awful when they're sneezing and coughing, then they put their hands on the wheelchair. YUCK, YUCK YUCK. And then I have to push it.

Yes, I have hand santitizer. Ron disinfects the brakes, I get the handles.

Today we got up early, went to work. Surprise, the minute I sit down with a bag of peanuts Ron's supervisor shows up for our quarterly review! ACK.

I got to use my old Accounting juice and add up all the receipts for Ron so he had an idea of his expenses for the month. He elected NOT to make a big food order.

I'm sneezing right now because I petted Bubba-cat and then touched my face. I read somewhere that black cats are more allergenic than white ones. I believe it.

After work he wanted to go to the Waffle House. These days, he never wants to go out. So, he's paying, why not? I got a cheesesteak omlette and a giant side of ham, with unsweet tea. Ron got a Cheesesteak melt on Texas toast, a cheese omlette, and hash browns. I did eat a little bit (about 1/4 cup) of my hash browns, and then I dumped the rest on Ron's plate.

Then it was off to the doctor. Ron was sleepy from all the carbs. We went to the good doctor I like. She ordered a few blood tests which came back OK, but his heart rate is fast so she wants the thyroid test results back from his neurologist. Ron's going to call and request he fax them to her. She also wants him to see a Urologist for his prostate. So many doctors! AGH.

THEN we came home. We got home around 3, I took a nap.

Tomorrow should just be "Work and home". Saturday, I want to stay home, maybe a quick trip to Walmart for veggies? I don't know.

I need to do cleaning. I need to bag up candy for Trick-or-treaters. I need to change my name to married name on my social security, so I can get a passport. I have to get the passport before the end of the year. ACK.

Ron is getting signed up for services with the "Department of Rehabilitation". They are all excited about getting him a wheelchair, and some computer software he needs to run the business. I am anticipating it will probably mean a home/work visit from at least one flavor of social worker.

I haven't been much of a fan of social workers since after his accident. One came to the house when Ron was "bed-bound". He only got out of bed if I put him in the wheelchair and rolled him somewhere.

I used to take him for walks in the sunshine, etc. Sometimes he complained bitterly, sometimes he had fun. Then I'd put him back in bed.

He would be this way for months. Anyway, the guy came back, Ron's home for a week. He demands to see all Ron's medication. I show it to him. I try to show him the log where I'm keeping track of the doses. He snaps "I'll tell you what I need to see!" and shoves the book back into my hands. He snoops around the house, looks in the fridge, and tells me I need to pick up "the hazard". I have some dirty clothes on the floor next to the washer, which is past the kichen in an alcove.

What does he mean? The clothes present a tripping hazard to Ron. "He isn't even walking yet!" Then he does another stupid neurological test (Make a face, lift your right hand, I'm going to push it down, don't let me), like the other 100 he had had.

Then he left. GOOD RIDDANCE. After that, I'm not real fond of home visits from social workers. Ugh. I am mentally telling myself "We will have a home visit" so I won't freak out if we do.

I try not to anticipate trouble but I'm not looking forward to the process.

[Houston Heather]

I'm down a couple pounds, thank God.

Really tired today but no symptoms. I'll take it. I told Ron, I've talked to other people with my illness and it's all about they still have symptoms, horrible side effects, expensive medication, and I'm just tired and have a dry mouth. I'll take it.

I got a lot done at work today. Ron's only big problem at work is the fact that he keeps running into things while propelling himself in the wheelchair. His arthritic right knee is NOT HAPPY about it. I rigged him up a knee pad at work. I wrapped his leg in paper towels, then I put my knit hat in plastic. I duct-taped the "pad" to his knee, on top of the paper towels. It held up great.

After work, we came home. Ron called our buddy Chuck. He wanted a traveling boom box with great bass that ran on batteries. It didn't happen. While we were out, we went to Burger King. Ron ate 2 tacos, most of a small chocolate shake, and some onion rings. I had a bunless burger.

I asked Chuck if he'd mind running us to the Sporting Goods store to get Ron some kneepads. He said yes. We ran over there, I left Ron in the truck. I got some volleyball kneepads ($7) and basketball kneepads ($5). I guessed correctly that Ron would be a "medium".

Ron tried on the "volleyball" and said it was great. The pulling sensation as we put it on was painful, but any kind of rubbing (dressing, undressing, washing) is painful for him right now. At least he's eating without gagging, even if he says things don't have much flavor. I'm thrilled.

Sometimes I just watch him propelling himself with his good arm and leg, in the wheelchair, a case of soda often as not in his lap, filling his machines. He is amazing and I'm honored he's sharing his life with me.

I brag on him often, and in front of him. I think it's stupid to say nice things about someone when they aren't around - I do it, but often as not I say it right in front of Ron.

Ron's rehab guy is going to come out next week - that means the paperwork will get started for the new wheelchair and computer software. I spent over an hour picking up and cleaning today so I'm not worried about possible home visits. We basically want a cheap wheelchair, so it shouldn't be too hard.

I ate clean today and hope to be rewarded tomorrow!

Ron sang along with his MP3 player today - it made me happy to hear him. The drivers think it's "cute".

[Houston Heather]

I woke up with a headache today.

On the plus side, we have nothing planned except "rest" and mowing the yard for me.

I took my asprin (other painkillers raise my lithium levels) and watched a Garfield movie. It was cute. I finished my fall colors shawl yesterday. I washed it and I'm blocking it on the bed right now. Basically you stretch it to the size you want, pin it in place, and let it dry. In the meantime I've got that nifty wet-wool smell. I enjoy it, to me it's the smell of sucess.

I'm half-heartedly working on my magenta-orange-turquoise hat but I'm not really excited about finishing it. It's cute, I'll enjoy wearing it, but I'm a little tired of it.

I ate an Atkins bar and a slimfast this morning, I was worried about asprin+lithium+antidepressant all sloshing around in my stomach and I was a little queasy too. I have some wierd pain in my upper right abdomen, it's not bad, and it's not my gallbladder. I don't know what it is. It's not bad so I'm not going to worry about it.

More later.

[Houston Heather]

I figured out a solution to my problem, but it cost me a migraine on my day off.

The problem, Ron asked me to buy crunchy peanut butter, the stuff I'm addicted too. I didn't tell him I had problems with it. I bought it and brought it home.

Solution: sit down with PB and make PB and jelly sandwiches until it's gone. The day I buy it. Freeze most, give the rest to Ron in baggies.

My solution of sitting in front of TV with a jar of the evil stuff didn't work. Today - migraine. It can only be the PB.

I did set up my shawl, it'll be done tomorrow. But my neighbor had friends over and I was awakened from a miserable nap by the happy sounds of screaming children on his trampoline.

Oh, the misery. Ugh.

[Zer]

Heather, do you think R is better off hauling himself in his chair than using a chair that works with a joystick? He gets quite a workout, from the sound of it, as he navigates the house and dodges knee-whacking things. So glad you got a solution for his poor knees. Pity there is not a velcro fastener, to slip on easily rather than the effort that you talk about to get the kneepad on R.

He sounds just amazing to me. As do you. Will you someday switch to one of the gadabout chairs that they show on tv, with a battery and a small base that gets around all sorts of snug places in a house and outdoors? Or will you and R stay with a lighter-weight chair that he can wheel around and that you can push or manage as you use public transportation? Those other chairs need a strong back to heave around. That's a factor I consider, as I am not able to lift much.

I like your solution for p'butter. I cannot have a jar in the house. I gobble it!

[Houston Heather]

Well, Ron's blind so he'd be a lousy driver of a power chair.

I have seen, and my paratransit drivers "back" me on this, that the electric chair is NOT GOOD. People tend to become completely immobile after getting one, to the point where they can't even stand on their own. I've yet to see someone I knew, do "better" after getting a "power chair". I even know a quadraplegic who refuses to get one. He uses his arms as much as possible to push himself around, and his attendant helps with the rest.

Ron's motto is "Do what I can". He would rather stagger around as much as possible, then collapse into the wheelchair and use as needed, than have me push him everywhere.

I agree. It's been my experience as well, that I do better being as active as possible. Eating this way has basically cured my "bad left knee". I ran a half marathon on said knee back in 2004. Fortunately I never got so heavy that it really impacted my mobility, and I lead a fairly active life.

I'd be the little old lady, with the walker, painted bright purple, with my knitting bag mounted on a handle. My brother (a few years younger than Ron) is using a walker now after a firearms accident last year. He dropped a loaded .357 handgun and shot himself in the leg. OOUCH. They had to reconstruct his knee and femur. It healed but he'll never ride his motorcycle again.

I got some cute pictures of cat + shawl. Ron liked feeling the shawl - he loves my knitting, but the crochet bored him to death. He doesn't know I plan to make him some mittens this year.

I've never made mittens, but they'll be fun. They're small. Worst case, and this is a beautiful thing about knitting, I just pull it out and wind it up in a ball.

I'll go ask Ron about the Velcro idea, Zer, that's excellent. He loves it. We'll try it tomorrow. Thank you!