Heather Shrinks in Houston!

[Snowman]

Stopping by to say and keep up the good work!!

[Houston Heather]

Thanks Snow!

When I measured today I was bloated and I couldn't figure out why, other than the obvious PMS. I realized the sugar alcohols in my sugarfree coughdrops are bloating me and causing other issues.

The Sudafed cough & cold worked great, overall. I had to work twice as long as we'd planned. Mr Sandwich guy was great, we got out stuff right on time. Mr Junk Food guy was hours late and my order was the worst ever. Who puts a label for sporks on a case of coffee filters? Gives away free cases of Snackwells low fat cookies (even free, I didn't want them and gave them back)?

They are a huge company. Owned by PFG. They should know better. The driver liked my joke "I want some of whatever they smoke in the warehouse". He agreed it's the good stuff.

I did the candy bars. I did the snacks. I did the sandwiches. I unstacked a pallet of soda. Etc. Very active. I feel completely fine about not working out because I did just that for 8 hours.

If I could get rid of one side effect, I'd get rid of the excessive sweating thing. It's awkward.

I only planned on being at work for 4 hours, so I ended up eating a can of deviled ham spread (the other guy said it looked like it had already been eaten!), and 2 bags of peanuts. I brought extra cold medicine thank God.

I wasn't any sicker than anyone else at work. We all swap these germs back and forth. A lot of faucets in the ladies' room are broken so I'm not surprised we're all getting sick.

I did it all! I bragged on Ron "A real man! Working like this!" in front of the postal workers. He loved it. He stayed in his wheelchair most of the day thank God. I did all the heavy lifting.

You know that song? "I've got the brains, you've got the brawn, let's make lots of money?" That's us.

We got a good ride home and I took some benadryl (cold meds had worn off) and went to bed.

I was awakened by the cat meowing loudly. He had brought home a huge, dead rat. YUCK. I got rid of it.

Now I'm just going to relax and take it easy. Tomorrow we go to Walmart, I have the whole weekend to myself. I plan lots of knitting and sci-fi monster movies.

[Houston Heather]

I'm listening to UB40 "Rat in Mi kitchen".

I've moved on to clogged up sinuses stage. Ugh. It's all stuck in my head. Again, the sudafed cough & cold did the trick.

Ron was pretty grumpy today. He actually yelled at me for singing quietly - then apologized and turned on his music. I was a little taken aback. It was "Lean on me". Now, if it had been "Put on a happy face" I'd have agreed with him!

I'm not in any pain, thank God. Good stuff, I bought more of that sudafed. I have been in a big "Skillet" mood - a heavy metal Christian rock band. I played loads of Skillet while I was shopping.

The poor greeter at Walmart is nearly hysterical everytime he sees Ron. "What is wrong? He's not eating! He is thin!" [big sigh] The poor man almost cried today. The greeter. Not Ron.

It's great that people love him. It is. Nothing about this has been easy, for sure.

You know, I owe people an apology. I've always had strict low carb foods in the house. Maybe Ron had some microwave popcorn and a wine box, but that was about it.

Now, I'm surrounded by white pasta, ramen noodles, potatoes, etc. It is very hard to resist the damned stuff when it's staring at you. Last night Ron wanted Ramen noodles in low-sodium chicken broth. I prepared it and served it to him. Too salty. I didn't add the flavor packet, btw. I added some ice cubes to cool it and he tried it again. The broth was OK, he decided, but the noodles themselves were salty. He ended up eating a bowl of no-salt-added peas.

I know he doesn't WANT to be a pain in the butt. I tried the noodles. Salty. Hmmmm. Good. I ate a few more spoonfulls of noodles and stopped myself. Then at Ron's request I poured them all down the garbage disposal.

So, I'm sorry for even thinking mean things like "Well, just don't eat it then!" because I understand. I won't be going after the potatoes, that's certain. I'll cook him some later.

He had me get him some deli foods and they were all a big disappointment. He took a few bites of each and then had me throw them out.

Today I got some cooked, frozen omlettes, more slimfast low carb, some nice beef stew meat, organic carrots, etc. More no salt added peas for Ron, when we find something that works I always get more.

But today is not going to be about him. It's going to be about me taking it easy and having a good time. Yup.

I already knocked out 2 rows of knitting. More later!

[Houston Heather]

180.5!

Wow! 2 pounds overnight! Just goes to show you can lose when you're sick.

If it "sticks" tomorrow, I will formally move to OWL. I have been eating about 2 ounces of peanuts a day and last night I ate a bowl of no sugar added icecream.

I'll probably get back into fitday. You know what I've been craving? Sugar Snap peas. I haven't eaten them since right after the hurricane. They are so good, you've got to try them.

You don't even have to cook them. Just wash 'em and eat raw, maybe with ranch dip.

I feel a lot better today. Got a cough and some crud but I know I'm getting better. Time to knit and have fun.

I'm going to have beef and organic carrots for lunch. I can use some vitamin A. Ron's still asleep.

[Houston Heather]

Lots of knitting done today. My wrists are getting sore so I stopped for today.

Ron was grilling me did I like my 2 days off. Yeah. It makes me a little nervous, though.

This week, we get the MRI, I refill my prescriptions, and maybe see the neurologist again. Ron thought of another symptom that the doctor should know about.

I ate a whipped cream thing for dinner. Tasty. I let Frosty cat lick the bowl. He loves that.

Ron wanted biscuits for dinner. We have a toaster oven and those refrigerated biscuits in a can. I cooked them and brought them to Ron with a bottle of milk (I put the milk in 20 ounce soda bottle, easier to drink). He ate 2, said they were delicious. Made yum yum noises, haven't heard those in over a month! Drank a lot of milk (so he got complete protein bread + milk) and I put the other biscuits on the counter to cool.

They smelled so good. They looked even better. That's when I ate the whipped cream thing, and some bacon. Once I was full it was easy to say "No thanks". Once they cooled off I put them in a baggie in the fridge.

When I was taking a nap, Ron got hungry. He went into the fridge and had "apple juice", milk, and cereal. One problem. We don't have apple juice in the fridge! I figure he must have had some gatorade but his flavors are messed up, so he thought it was apple juice. I'd just cleaned out the fridge so whatever it was was wholesome.

I didn't tell him. If he feels up to it, I'd rather he feed himself.

[Snowman]

[COLOR="Red"]180.5..........WOW HEATHER, AWESOME!!![/COLOR]

Glad your feeling better and Ron is eating a bit more and even drinking "apple juice!"

I assume the sugar snap peas are fresh and not frozen if your putting ranch dressing on them? Sounds good, I love peas! Used to eat peas raw when I was a kid and my Grandpap grew them!

Keep up the good job, your doing GREAT!!

[Houston Heather]

Oh, yeah, they are GOOD.

ACK. Stressful day at work. One good thing that's come out of this, Ron has always had this condescending attitude that "You could never run the business on your own, Heather". Now, he sees I do a good job.

I got paid today. That was good. The only thing I bought, other than some lunch, was a shower curtain at the dollar store.

We came home. I checked the mail. No wonder I hate checking the mail. Big pile of medical bills (not too bad, "onlY" a few hundred), a JURY SUMMONS for Ron (ACK), etc. Now I have to go figure out how to tell the District Clerk my husband is too much of a wreck to serve.

I ate clean today. Beef stew for dinner, most likely.

[Houston Heather]

180 even this morning. I need to change my stats.

Hectic day. Went to work. Wrestled with $%^! lock in vending machine. You can open the machine but good luck closing it and removing the keys. Lots of WD-40, mild cursing, wrestling, etc. Finally got it shut.

Milkman was late, driver was early. Put the milk away in a hurry and ran outside, pushing Ron in wheelchair. Remembered to lock everything up.

Went to Walmart. Left Ron in wheelchair near door, went shopping.

He wanted Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch, little variety boxes of "sugar cereal", and apple juice. He kept referring to drinks as "apple juice" and had asked for it a few times. I found little bottles and figured if he hated it (like the SunnyD) I could hand it out to Metrolift drivers. They love little treats.

He said it wasn't bad. I got some very nice compliments on my weight loss from Walmart employees. One lady even gave me a hug.

About this time, Ron calls. He's cold. He's going to roll his wheelchair outside into the sun. I debate whether to buy more milk, decide not to. Ron calls back.

"I must really look pathetic."
"Yeah, you do, why?"
"A lady tried to give me money. When I said no she tried to buy me food."
"What did you tell her?"
"No thanks, I own my own business. She had a hard time believing me."
"Well, you do look pretty tragic."

I went by the book area. They had hardback "Joy of Cooking". I have been wanting that for over a year so I indulged myself.

I get my prescriptions and some veggies. Ron calls again. Can I get him plain mashed potatoes from the deli? Sure.

I go to the deli and they have mashed sweet potatoes! I love sweet potatoes! I got myself a small container. Soooo good! They didn't have sugar, just some spice. Tasty. It's kind of a jump on the carb ladder but it'll balance out.

I got Ron plain potatoes, I had to tell the worker no gravy twice. He said they "Weren't revolting". Apple juice "wasn't bad" and the milk jug I got him at McDonalds was "Good". For him, that's a good meal.

We came home (a good trip) and put everything up. I didn't go over my weekly budget.

Poor Ron is exhausted and in a lot of pain. He doesn't want to go anywhere tomorrow. I'll take the bus. I'll go to a grocery store and get him some sugarfree jelly (I forgot it today). Then the petstore. Then the Goodwill - I need a new winter jacket. I'd rather pay $10 than $40 plus if I can help it. Then maybe a cab home. Sounds good to me!

[Houston Heather]

Maybe the B12 is helping. Ron ate several bites of bacon and half an omlette today. He also ate some peanut butter Cap'n Crunch.

Fortunately, the last holds no appeal for me. Ick.

I did finish his bacon and omlette for dinner. Did I mention I got him some real apple juice? He said it wasn't bad. I got rid of the imposter in the fridge.

[Houston Heather]

The journals are hopping today!

I'm going to be lazy and double post. I put this in the playground:

Yesterday, my husband begged me not to make any trips on our paratransit service (I am only qualified to ride as his "attendant"). His feet were killing him and he's spent all day in bed. I said I wouldn't.

I decided to try taking our local bus, even though the last time I attempted this I had a major, flaming, anxiety attack. Not fun when you're walking next to a busy road. That was before my medication.

I had a lot of things to do, get my hair cut, buy cat food, buy sugarfree strawberry jam for DH, look at the thrift shop for a winter coat (I gave away my old 2X coat 'cause it's too big!), etc.

I slept in. Ate a good breakfast. Ron gave me a little "cab fare/fun money". I went out to catch the bus.

I walked past other homes in the subdivision. As I walked down the sidewalk, past piles of ruined drywall and insulation taller than me, I again thanked God for sparing us during the hurricane. IMO, whoever built the "big" houses in our subdivision did a lousy job.

I got to the bus stop and caught the bus. When I said "Thank you" getting off the driver acted shocked. Poor man.

I went to a grocery store. I found the sugarfree jam! I walked to another bus stop, waited, did some knitting, and caught yet another bus. Ron had called and told me all the times.

Again, when I got off and thanked the driver the poor man acted shocked. It must suck to be a Houston bus driver.

I went to the hair place. My hairdresser was very heavy so I made a point of casually mentioning I've lost almost 50 pounds since March on Atkins. Then I changed the subject. I learned about Atkins from a similar contact with a deli customer.

I went to Goodwill. I found an awesome leather coat but it had a tear. Curses. I found some cute polartec type jackets. I got 2.

I walked over and got a heavy whipping cream drink at Starbucks. Hobby Lobby is right across the parking lot. I still have fun money! I hit it! I walked out $10 lighter, not bad. I found some cute yarn to make my nephew a hat.

The point of the whole excursion. More cat food. I went to Petco. They lost their entire doors and part of a window in the hurricane. Eeek. I got the Wellness and some canned Wellness.

Nowhere to wait, I had to find somewhere else to wait on my cab. I went to KFC. Don't buy the Diet Dr Pepper. It was vile. I called Ron and asked him to call me a cab. He did. I bought the cab driver a Snacker (it was a big hit) and got out the knitting again.

The cab pulled up. Apparently I don't look like a cab-taker. A woman stared at me as I got in. "It's your cab! I couldn't figure out who was taking it!" I laughed and told her she wanted me riding in the backseat and not driving! We both laughed.

The driver knew us. Loved the sandwich. We gossiped about the hurricane. I gave him a good tip, went inside and took a nap with my cat.

Then I woke up and did some knitting.

All in all, a good day.

EXCEPT for when I dropped the strawberry jam on the tile floor. Thank God the glass didn't get my bare feet!

I hope y'all had a decent day, too.

Oh, and no panic attacks. The meds really helped.

I might even finish "Happy" the afghan tonight. If not tonight, tomorrow. It is hot to work on! I'll be glad when it's done!

Ron loves it.

[Snowman]

Heather ~ I'm so glad you got out and had a good day!!

I'm thankful that you didn't have damage from the hurricane too!

I never learned to knit, but I can crochet. I haven't in year's though.

I find some nice stuff sometimes at Goodwill too! You just made me think about something!! I got a nice new leather coat last year from my DH for Christmas. If I don't watch my weight here, it might not fit!! It gets pretty darn cold in PA!!

Did you ever try Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper? I think it's pretty good. Nice treat.

Take care!

[Vanessa120]

Hi Heather!
I lived in Houston for a few years (Sugar Land) but have been back home for over a year now. Some times I miss it but it never really felt like home while we lived there. I got a small taste of being a caretaker for a loved one these past 5 days as my mom was staying with us. She has a condition that is causing swelling of her brain which results in her brain not working as it should. It's almost like she has has alzheimer's. Anyways, although not the same as you taking care of your husband, I was exhausted after 5 days. I can only imagine how you feel. Can I ask what is wrong with his health? Great job so far on losing again!

[Houston Heather]

Snow, Ron calls Diet Cherry Vanilla "His" soda. "Heather, have you seen the Mine?" I know he means the Diet Cherry vanilla!

Well, Vanessa, he's already blind. Completely. Has some nerve deafness -can't hear me talking from another room.

Then, about 6 years ago, he got hit by a pickup truck while walking to work (which he had done every day for 30 years, the guy ran a red light). He had some brain damage and his right side got pretty weak from a stroke he had as a result of the trauma. He had other stuff but nothing "residual".

Scary crises, resolved by surgery, etc. Some surgeries. Eventually he improved enough that we put the wheelchair in the garage. He couldn't walk more than 1/3 of a mile at a time but he did a lot.

Went to work by himself, etc. This year he had an infection. It was like the pimple from hell on his face. It broke open and was oozing pus. The doctor put him on Bactrim, an antibiotic.

He took it and within a week was in the hospital with agonizing stomach pains. He improved and was discharged. They told him "Keep taking the Bactrim".

Within a few days, his food tasted bitter, he had agonizing nerve pain in his feet, very weak, and horrible stomach pains again. Oh, stop taking the Bactrim.

That was in August. He still has the agonizing nerve pain, fatigue, and bitter-tasting food. If he works, it's only a half hour at a time. I'm doing all the work for both of us.

We're in vending. I'm constantly yelling at him to get back in his wheelchair. He's lying down at work. He'd never do that!

He is seeing a Neurologist. He's had nerve tests, blood tests, and tomorrow a brain MRI. Ron also told me he has a bladder infection so we have to see the primary care doctor too (she fit him in). Great. More antibiotics.

But I was thinking about some things today. One aspect of caregiver burnout - you feel responsible for the person's health and mood.

I realized: I am not responsible for Ron being sick or his continued illness. I'm doing everything I can to help him. That's all I can do, love and support him.

I am not responsible for Ron's moods. He's going to have bad days that have NOTHING to do with me. So, don't take it personally.

He was very irritable this morning. I kept reminding myself of my phrases and sure enough, I felt a lot better. I had a much better attitude, which in turn rubbed off on Ron.

We ended up having a good day and I finally finished an afghan I named "Happy" If any knitters are reading this, it is a 5 foot square. Garter stitch. Ron loves it. He likes it so much I'm giving it to him. He never liked my crocheted afghans. This rascal took me about a year to finish, off and on, but I've really enjoyed it. Now a fun, easy project for me.

I'll need it at the doctor's office tomorrow. I know I'll have a lot of waiting.

Hopefully, nice boring visit. I don't want them to find anything on the MRI because that would scare the hell out of me. I do not want them opening my husband's head!

I hope all this is just thyroid and b12 issues.

[Vanessa120]

You are one strong women! How long have you been married?

[Houston Heather]

We call it 16 years! Legally, only 5. Don't live in sin! Long story, should have been married 16, committed 16, so we call it 16.

I married him blind and in the wheelchair, after his accident. After the wedding he got back in his wheelchair. I pushed him over the threshold of our honeymoon suite!

OH MY GOD.

Today was insane!

First, here's a link to another blog of mine. This talks about the trip home: Heather knits, the junk food queen

It started at 4-something when we got up. We had to ride with a driver who only sees and comments on negative things. For instance, last year, 50 pounds fatter, I bought a bright pink coat at Walmart. She said "Women your size shouldn't wear bright colors" even though she easily weighed as much as I do! I know she's noticed my weight loss, today I got a major double-take, but she'd rather cut out her own tongue than say something positive. The whole way to work, she complained about everything in her life.

Lest I become her I'll end it there. Ick. Broken vending machines! A delivery of bad fruit salad! Boy, they were pissed about that. Irate postal workers chasing me down for refunds. Doing all Ron's work and mine. He was thrilled. "I didn't know you could be such a good help" I'll take that to mean "You were a big help". Lots of heavy lifting. Running around filling up machines. Ron needing help calibrating the coin counter. Finally, all done.

Out the door and off to the doctor's office. I got hungry, so I drank my second slimfast lowcarb and ate my second bag of peanuts. We got to the Imaging center. "Do you have the orders".

Son of a .... no.

ACK!

It's OK, they can get his office to fax. Ron does a post mortem on why I forgot the papers. We agree to stick them in the wheelchair next time.

It's MRI time. It is amazing how much metal junk Ron carries on his person. I got to help him unload. He had a coughing spell in the machine and they had to retake the pictures. It was noisy, he said.

When they got ready to take him out he said the song wasn't over. It was Paula Abdul's "Straight Up". He loves the song so much he has it on his MP3 player. They left him in for a little bit until he was "done". Then I stuff him in the wheelchair and go to the doctor's office.

We have 20 minutes. I go to Starbucks. Got a heavy whipping cream thing but it tasted kind of burnt. Ick. I drank it anyway, 'cause I had to take my lithium and I was going to get violent if I had to eat another bag of peanuts. I got Ron a latte. He hated it but drank it. I hoped it would help him pee.

An hour and a half later, he's STILL sitting on the toilet, holding the specimen cup, cursing. Drinking bottle after bottle of water. "Maybe we should go home, Heather". No, Ron, you've got until 5 PM. You WILL keep drinking until you go. If you drink enough, you will. He finally did. I ate some beef jerky I had in my bag.

Surprise, he had a bladder infection. The doctor wants to check out his prostate (rectal exam next week) and check his PSA levels. If he has enlarged prostate, I'll put him on Saw Palmetto (you can google it). It is very safe and works great on prostates. Ron passed out from low blood pressure on one prostate pill, and had really scary delusions on another. I'll take the Saw Palmetto.

Since we had to put the ride on "hold", we had to wait an hour to go to Walmart. To fill his prescription. That would take 3 hours to fill. ACK!

Ron picks about now to tell me he's so hungry he's about to vomit. I had offered him snacks but he kept saying no. I galloped over to the cereal area, pushing him in the wheelchair. He wanted Honey Nut Cheerios. I got him a box. Then I got him a bottle of milk and some AZO. We checked out. Ron ate, drank, and took his pills.

I got a sausage on a stick and a jar of peanut butter. It was a jar of peanut butter kind of day. I ate the entire sausage on a stick (normally I can't, but I was starving, I realized). Then I ate about 5 T of peanut butter, put the lid on the jar, and stuck it back in my bag.

Waiting, waiting waiting at least another hour. I tried not to look at the time. Finally, our ride arrives.

We always offer our drivers a soda or bottle of water, but many greedy clients decide they'll have one, too. We had to deal with one of THEM. As I got off to the tune of "I'm a horrible unChristian woman" I was so glad I was home!

I got a soda and came here to post.

Tomorrow, we get his prescription. I pray it doesn't mess him up. Then we come home and that's it. Yay! Sleeping in! Zombie movies! Knitting!

Sounds great!

Oh, almost forgot: All week I've been getting MAJOR POSITIVE FEEDBACK! "Heather you look great, how much have you lost!"

One employee at Walmart calls me "slim" now.

[Houston Heather]

Today I put on my famous black jeans. I got 3 people commenting on my weight loss at Walmart and a guy at the dairy case hit on me until I moved my left hand where he could see it. He was cute, too.

The driver picked us up late. Ron didn't want the wheelchair so he hobbled. It is awful to watch him walk, he's in so much pain! I got him settled at Walmart (we got a coveted straight trip) and went to the pharmacy.

His antibiotic cost $65. Like he said, I hope it works, and doesn't mess him up. He's already taken a dose. I got him/us some probiotics. They ought to help.

I got cat treats, looked at the clothes, etc. More slimfast lowcarb vanillas. I love those things.

Recently I've gone up about 25 grams or so a day (eating 25 more a day than normal) and maintaining. I got more salad mix so I can do it properly, eat another salad a day (I envision 2x 2 cups of salad a day plus 1 cup fresh veggies). Do that for a week or so, see where I am. Continue eating 2-3 ounces of peanuts and 2 ounces or so of cheese a day.

After that, add in more dairy. See how that goes. More cheese and cream, regular milk gives me migraines, but I can have cooked milk products. For instance, sugarfree puddings and such. I bought some today. The Jello rice pudding has 8 grams net carbs, and a wonderful cinnamon flavor. Ron would hate it. I loved it and it didn't cause cravings. I don't plan to eat it every day but 1-2 a week, or sticking one in my lunch bag when I'm going to have a long day of medical appointments with Ron, would be great.

It's not a perfect ongoing weight loss but it's a good start. I love the peanuts, I don't want to cut them out. They don't stall me. I'm active 'most every day.

I got someone from health and beauty to take some pictures of me in the famous black jeans. I know I'll look like I have 30 pounds to go, but I'll look like I've lost 50, too! I turned them in, ready in 2-3 days.

I'm a little hyper and "spendy" today. I had to keep telling myself, I can come back and buy the item in 2 days if I still want it. To me, that's a red flag - time to take an extra lithium with lunch. I did just that. Pretty soon I'll be exhausted, take my nap, and wake up "OK". I do a very good job of managing my illness, and my doctor supports me completely.

I bought Ron more milk - organic of course. He says it's expensive but I told him I'm only getting you the best milk. Besides, it's my money. You can't tell me how to spend my pay. I put splenda in his milk, he loves it like that.

I didn't have a whole hour at Walmart like we planned so I had to cut it short. I got more salad (organic), I just got myself a bowl of fresh sugar snap peas (yummy!) - the 1 cup of other fresh veggies I was talking about. I love eating raw veggies. Oh, 2 pounds of sausage for my sausage-egg-cheese skillet casserole I make, and some ground frozen turkey - it kept the salad cold and went in the freezer. One day, I'm hungry, I can fry it up and eat it. It's good. I like turkey.

I plan to do some cooking later when I wake up.

More later!

[Houston Heather]

The lithium did the trick. I'm nice and level now.

Remember how I dropped the jar of jam in the "foyer"?

Today I stepped on a piece of broken glass. In my slippers. Which had nice sturdy soles.

Afterwards, I found another piece of glass. No bare feet in the house for a while!

Ron says his bladder feels better and he's glad he caught it when he did. In 1993, I had a bladder infection. I was misdiagnosed. It got into my kidneys and I ended up in the hospital for a week with a fever of 104! I was a miserable wreck.

Ron said he told me, and made the appointment, because he didn't want to end up like I did! Smart man. The AZO is helping with the pain and so far he seems fine from the antibiotic.

I need to remember to have him take some probiotic.

I need to clean up the kitchen and cook up some food. Other than that, it's a nice relaxing day off. I had a great nap with Frosty, my cat. He spooned with me and everything. It was awesome.

[Houston Heather]

Sometimes I just get totally overwhelmed. It comes on, I try to "deal" and it passes.

The last couple days I ate a whole 18 ounce jar of crunchy peanut butter. Oddly, I have now cracked the 170's. I was 180 when I weighed, then I, um, "lost" 2.5 pounds a little later. I weighed before and after.

It would be fun to see it tomorrow. Anyway, eating hydrogenated peanut butter isn't the way to do it, I know. Sitting around picking at my nails isn't doable either.

I started a new project, or rather, found an old one. It's a half-finished granny square afghan in these colors:

I've made at least 5-6 afghans in this and everyone LOVES it.

I picked it up and I thought about our donut man's wife. A tree came down on her house, all the contents are ruined. She will have to live with her in-laws for months until it's fixed. With her husband and three children, one who's only a year old.

I start projects often not even knowing who'll get them. I think God wants me to give it to her. She loved the little layette I made for the baby, so why not? It's a very pretty, soothing color scheme. Just looking at it is soothing. I'm sure she can use all the peace and tranquility she can get!

It won't be ready tomorrow, but I'll definitely finish it in two weeks. So, that's one way I cope "Helping those less fortunate".

I'm also listening to Skillet's Comatose, over and over and over again. It's Christian "heavy metal" just a warning.

Skillet Comatose

Everything I've heard by them is good, but I can't get enough of "Comatose".

When I got up, I fixed Ron some pasta. After I poured off the water, he asked me where was the broth? I made him some with a low-sodium boullion cube dissolved in twice the water it calls for on the label. I also made him some mashed potatoes with milk.

I had a pretty horrible headache that wanted to be a migraine so I took a migraine pill (Phenergan), and waited on my bipolar pills. I took them about an hour ago. I'd just hate to vomit up $5 worth of pills.

I had a Slimfast lowcarb vanilla and some sugarfree pudding for breakfast. Then a little later I massacred the last of the PB jar, and ate 5 slices of bacon.

Ron's going to call the neurologist tomorrow and make his appointment. I talked with him about our primary care doctor. Ron and I have talked about the fact that she doesn't have much of a bedside manner. She couldn't keep track of why Ron stopped the Bactrim, she kept saying "It was a rash" and we kept correcting her. That really bothered me.

The last time we went, we saw another doctor who was very kind and understanding. I told Ron, it's HIS body but I like Dr S (new one) better. He agreed. It's not the fact that she gave Ron the Bactrim, but she acts like we are stupid toddlers. That bothers me. He doesn't like her bedside manner.

So, he has to see the neurologist and a primary care doctor (follow up on bladder infection) this week. He asked me what I wanted to do after work, maybe go out to breakfast? I told him, maybe we could try the waffle house. He could probably eat a waffle, I could have an omlette, and they're cheap. They don't care if you sit around waiting on Metrolift either. We're going to do that later in the week, but just come straight home tomorrow.

Ron told me he woke up at 4 AM with feet tingling. He basically stays in bed unless he has to go to the bathroom. I'm glad he has a clot filter. If you lie around all the time like he's doing, you're at risk for a blood clot. If it gets loose it can lodge in your lungs or brain and do some major damage, if not kill you. The clot filter catches it like a sink strainer.

I called Mom and Dad last night (weekly call). They were like "So he's better, right?" "No, he's a little worse, where are you going for dinner?". Oh. God, I'm tired of worrying about him. No one wants to hear bad news, either. I can't blame them.

They seem pretty boggled that I'm caring for him, running the business, doing all the medical stuff, and still losing weight. Well, let's hear it for the pills.

I try to let God do the heavy lifting but times like now, I'm weary. I just want to life a happy, healthy life with a happy, healthy husband. I don't want to worry about him. I don't want to have to remember what pills he's taking, how often, and what side effects I need to worry about. I don't want to hear him groaning in pain when he walks.

Ron's keeping a log on his computer with all his doses. He skipped a dose of the AZO and learned his lesson quick! Whoo, he said it burned the next time he peed! I've had a fair amount of bladder infections myself so I know.

I cleaned up the kitchen, took out the trash, and cooked Ron some food. Now I just need to take a nap, then a shower, and do the receipts for Ron. Once we do them I'm "off" unless he wants me to download tunes for him. I need to delete some stuff off my MP3 player and maybe download a few tunes of my own. My player will only hold about 100 songs so I need to be picky.

That'll be fun. Maybe Ron will let me dowload a few tunes on his account. I've only got $30 in mine and I'm trying to save it for more disaster kit supplies after I get paid.

[Snowman]

to you Heather! CONGRATULATIONS and keep up the good work, getting into the 170's!! I've been at 191 for weeks now. My fault though, nobody forces me to eat the wrong stuff!!

How sweet of you to finish that afghan and give it away!! I bet they will appreciate it.

You sure do have your plate full with Ron! It is hard watching someone we love suffer. My Dear Mother was sick for years and it was hard watching her. When she decided last year that she'd had enough and wasn't doing dialysis, it was hard. We respected her wishes and the Lord called her home Sept. 27, 2007. I sure miss her, but have such wonderful memories.

Take care of yourself Heather!

[Houston Heather]

I wish I could say it's all altruistic, Snow, but honestly, by the time I finish most afghans I am so sick of them I'm happy to give them away!

Exceptions are fall colors, I have 2 now that I've kept in fall colors. One knitted, one crocheted.

I know your Mom is proud of you.

[Houston Heather]

I got a lot accomplished today but I'm being hard on myself. I was manic this morning, at the chatty "Shut UP! Heather!" stage but not wanting to spend every penny I have. I was annoying. I couldn't help myself. I was annoying to Ron. I wasn't nice to our first driver but I did apologize.

I hate that. I hate that I'm "off". I hate that I have a damaged brain. Oh, and I hated that I was 182 this morning. All that peanut butter! Hopefully I'll be OK tomorrow.

Anyway, at work I did everything from help the repairman (all my broken children should be fixed tomorrow - 2 snack machines, 1 coffee, and the lock in the bill changer), to take out the dumpster, which had a funny aroma . Not exactly conducive to the vending business!

I yakked at the other vendor - I nicknamed him "Hot Legs" because he always wears shorts. Ron asked him privately if he was OK with it and he loves the name. He trusts me enough that when I sell him quarters for his bill changer, he tells me to write my own check and sign his name. Somehow I always end up signing Ron's name. Throw that check away, and write another one. We're going to be raising some prices - frankly because we need to. Friday will be a long day.

Tomorrow I need to "do" snacks, then help get the repairman, and receive the milk delivery. Speaking of milk, Ron had a carton of milk at work, then when we got home he had some cereal. Later on he said "This bottle of water is cold! I can really feel it!" Hopefully he's improving. He wanted a Denver omlette (I got them at Walmart), and ate the whole thing with milk.

He said the Omlette tasted "Good" so maybe his flavors are coming back too. That would be awesome.

Tuesday after work we go to the Waffle House. Before work we go to Sam's Club - he needs muffins, and I need snickers for my snack machines.

Wednesday is Walmart day! I will get my photos, and put up a photo of Ron under the blanket I made him. He was bragging about it to the other vendor, and his friend. I hope it comes out. I also have a couple of me, and some hurricane damage in our neighborhood.

I'm going to rest and take it easy today, stop being hard on myself. Heck, I even did the dishes and caught up on the laundry!

[Snowman]

HEY HEATHER....do you hire out??!! My laundry needs done and so do the dishes!!

Keep up the GOOD JOB!!

[Houston Heather]

It would keep me busy!

I just went in and talked to Ron, then I tried to give him a gentle hug. He screamed in pain.

OH. MAN!

I started crying "I can't even love you anymore". He told me he was sorry for being a "sick old man".

I only ate about 1/4 cup of salted peanuts afterwards. I don't see how I could handle this without my faith in God!

I really feel so sorry for the atheists. Although I never met someone who claimed to be an atheist in the ICU waiting rooms!

It's just really discouraging at times. Today he ate some strawberry jam, pudding, omlette, and milk. He could feel a cold bottle of water.

Then he screamed in pain when I tried to love on him. I'm a very touchy person; this is KILLING me.

[Big Sigh] It'll get better.

[Houston Heather]

Yesterday I had bloated up a couple of pounds but I leveled out (down to 180.5) today.

Today was raw. Waking up was fine. Going to Sam's Club was fine. Not fun to push the wheelchair in the pouring rain. Not fun trying to find a place to "park" him.

Getting the supplies we needed, fine. By the time we had our pickup to work my increased lithium doses had caught up with me. I think I mentioned I'd increased my dose, had to, because I was getting hyper and that will end with me freaking out, paranoid, suicidal, and unable to sleep. I want to forget I'm sick if at all possible.

Today I was "sick" and brain damaged. I couldn't think and I kept making mistakes. Example, I forgot a case of milk out on the loading dock. Ron got really agggravated and yelled at me. I yelled back. I was nice to him, doing everything he asked and offering plenty of help when he looked like he needed it. I felt very unappreciated.

I felt like I was pouring all my love down and black hole of unappreciation and disrespect for Heather. That I had one purpose - a "toilet" for all his negative emotions. Feeling bad? Dump on Heather! I told him I never, ever made him feel bad when he needed my help. I'd appreciate it if he tried to do the same for me.

In response, he screamed "I wouldn't have picked you!" and rolled himself off into a wall. I wish I were making this up, but I don't have the imagination. I turned on my MP3 player because I didn't want to hear any more.

So. I went off into the stockroom and had a good cry. It got better. Ron banged on the wall and needed help in the middle of it, so I stopped, mopped up helped him, and went back to crying. Then my alarm went off. Pill time. Because we were supposed to go out to lunch today, I hadn't brought a lunch. I had 2 choices: Ham spread in a can, or a bag of peanuts. I had plenty of other choices but I'm not eating them.

I have to take my medication with food of I'll get sick to my stomach. Without a doubt, the most depressing part of my day was opening up that can of ham spread. Zero carbs, smells awful. Plenty of fat and protein, though. I gagged it down and took my medication. Oh. It was horrible. I am buying some Slimfast Low Carbs and taking them to work. I'd rather eat a slipper than another can of ham spread. Ghastly.

After work, I realized the bus stop bench was covered in fire ants. They didn't bite me, thank God. I sat on the curb near Ron. He called maintenance about the ants, and offered me to sit in his lap. I took him up. He couldn't do it for long, obviously, but I sat on the curb when he got tired.

Our driver went past us 3 times before he saw me waving. And I'm riding with this man. On the freeway. Scary. We had a decent trip home.

Ron staggered into bed and collapsed. I had a diet soda to get the taste out of my mouth. I checked in on him before I took my nap and he asked me to fix him some lunch.

I was walking towards the kitchen, thinking "I give and give and nothing makes Ron happy. I can only give 100%!" I then had a thought I'm convinced came from God: "Don't make Ron happy. Make God happy." Good advice!

I knew God would want me to fix Ron a wholesome meal with a smile, and be cheerful about giving to him. Ron hates it when people are resentful about helping him (his family). I fixed Ron a nice lunch and even put a bottle of milk into an ice bucket for him.

He loved it and was very grateful. I went to check the mail and saw my Bubba! I sure love him. He was very sweet, rubbing against my legs, meowing, and purring. I sat down and petted him for a while, until he got bored and left. He is just full of love. I adore him.

I went inside and Frosty was already in my bed, waiting for me. I gave him some treats and dropped right off to sleep. I had my usual creepy nightmares, woke up, and came here.

I did eat smart today, but I'm exhausted.

[Snowman]

BIG for YOU HEATHER!!

So sorry that you were feeling sick today. It is so good though that you can recognize it and help yourself!!

Heather, that was a wonderful thought you had today, "make God happy!!" YOU are doing just that!! Keep up the AWESOME job. A co-worker and I had a similar conversation today. Someone made make her made because she did something and they undid it. I told her, it doesn't matter, you still get paid the same per hour no matter what you do!! It made her feel better.

I couldn't handle life without God either! Nope, no way.

Take care!

[Houston Heather]

Ron thanked me again for setting up his milk. I thought that was cute.

I realized I'm battling another depression (really, when you think about it I think anyone would) so I started on a rigorous pattern of fun. Yeah.

If I'm getting really down then I have to sit down and knit for 15 minutes, while watching interesting TV. When I'm on the computer, I "have" to listen to music I love.

I "have" to take a bubble bath because I'm depressed tonight, or battling it rather. It sounds odd and forced but oddly enough it works.

I was pretty bad earlier - maybe a 4 on a 1-10. I sat down and did some knitting while I watched TV. It was a good show on Sci-Fi (Sanctuary). I really enjoyed it.

See, if I don't let myself lose the things I love then I tend to bounce back pretty fast. It's when I cut myself off from all the things I love (loss of interest) that I end up in a very deep hole.

I like to think I'm pretty smart about managing my illness.

I see my doctor on the 23rd anyway. I'll let him know what's going on, under way more stress, any suggestions or am I doing it right? He's cool.

[Houston Heather]

I'm curious to compare these: My butt now


My butt in July (below)

[Houston Heather]

Side shot a few days ago:


And in July:

[Houston Heather]

Front now (the thing around my neck is my MP3 player):


Front in July:

[Houston Heather]

Wow! I do look skinnier! I was so critical of myself when I got them. I'm glad I compared.

I'm not done yet. Here's Ron and the afghan I knitted for him.



Notice how one hand is feeling the blanket as I take the picture.