New Year's Day Self-Challenge...11/26/07-1/1/08

aim in Fla*working · 11-26-2007, 10:11 AM

Okay, it is the 26th of november and i am digging in again. I feel so stupid that I am at 5-7 pounds from goal for over 5 years. I chose to not stick with anything...Marriage, friends, habits, eating...it does not matter, I am an outta site out of mind girl.
It is a terrible way to be. So I am challenging mySELF to be a better person and grow...learn to be a positive person instead of such a pessimist...I have a great BF, Bryan who is such a light in my bleak black hopeless view of life. He constantly guides me back to the land of hope

I desperately try at times to drag him down too...and sometimes I hate him for being so happy and positive. I am deeply jealous of people who have self esteem. I think that part of the reason i have not attained goal is because i do not know how to define myself if I do attain goal. Crazy but true.
I ordered a CD that is supposed to be a subliminal self esteem CD with affirmations and such. I am hoping that I do not berate it so much before it gets here that I make it lose all of it's power.i will try to pop in and write a bit so maybe I can see a change in myself over time if not at my waist....

aim in Fla*working · 11-26-2007, 10:19 AM

...wow that was quick huh?
I am so tired right now..If I was at home, I would not be so tired.
Okay, let me try to think of positives...
My students are all silently reading their books today.
They are actually arguing about who wants to read what.
Today I ate:
2 cups of coffee with stevia(vanilla) and about 3 oz. of cream total.
Breakfast-20 almonds
Lunch- a huge amount of meat and 20 raw green beans
Dinner- [probably nothing...maybe some coffee, cream, stevia

aim in Fla*working · 11-26-2007, 01:35 PM

oh, and Bryan and I made a quit date on January 15th. 2008

aim in Fla*working · 11-27-2007, 08:21 AM

okay..Had to take the cough medicine with codien and so I know I had to take a laxitive too...this couch medicine is so "binding"...
Got some great pics from Arkansas...I looked thin except in my sweater hoodie...those pics I look fat! Great one of Bryan's mom and Aunt hugging me...That is my favorite becasue they look really happy that we are there. Nice.
Last night i had some cabbage soup. I got my thick and thin and it REALLY works...I put a dab in my soup and it was much thicker. Can't wait to try it in gravy....
Brekafast: 2 cups of coffee, stevia with vanilla, 3 oz of cream. I really hate coffee but it is the ONLY thing that wakes me up ...so i have to make it taste like something else.
Our 97 inch couch comes tomorrow..I am excited! We will get all the tv stuff out of the bedroom and try to make it a place of rest and relaxation and sex

At least that is what the feng shui(SP??) book said to do. Bryans TV is MUCH better than mine re: size...40...mine is 32 and flat. I don't know whose TV is better for the entertainment room.
IT is great to see these kids read. They keep reading and I said i would keep buying them books. I just got the Man called Dave series and one girl who has never read a book just finished all three...crying her little eyes out! Good stuff.
I have cabbage soup for lunch today.
Oh yeah, what I ate today...
Breakfast-2 coffees with 3 oz of cream and stevia with vanilla.
Snack- 20 almonds
Lunch- BIG HUGE container of Cabbage soup with ckicken broth, Smoked sausage slices, cabbage(of course) and vidalia onion( a biggie)....
Dinner...No idea. Wings maybe?

aim in Fla*working · 11-27-2007, 11:27 AM

2 M&Ms...peanut. I am pissed. I am so tired I know that makes me weaker with saying "No".
stupid.

aim in Fla*working · 11-29-2007, 05:45 AM

well me got our HUGE couch yesterday and I was a bit depressed. I knew ti was big but did not realize it was SO big...anyway, e had low carb cabbage soup on it and watched a movie and it was not not to worry about it like we would have with the Tommy Bahama couch. I am feeling really tired and my back hurts from congestion I think from not getting over the cold. We both are coughing...and still smoking. I hate the taste of cigarrettes and hate the way I feel when i smoke. i will weigh tomorrow and share the good, bad, and the ugly facts on where i am at. I have a feeling I am about 131. I am a bit puffy as well...unsure why.
We also ate popcorn last night so after a really good day of eating..I ended up with probably 20 more carbs...
so today, I had:
Breakfast-Coffee/2 cups 2 oz of cream and vanilla flavored stevia...about 20 almonds.
Lunch-Low carb cabbage soup with smoked sausage(that is also the puffiness culprit.is the sausage in the cabbage soup.)
I hate the taste of cigarrettes and I have the way I feel. I will not gain any weight when I quit January 15th...that is my mantra!

aim in Fla*working · 11-29-2007, 08:24 AM

i still have no email at work. IT sucks. I am wondering who is trying to email me...etc. My school secretary is calling me telling me she emailed me and my mailbox is full. I know what it is...I used the school email to email Bryan's mother the trip pics from Arkansas...and when i called tech department downtown, they were asses and they feel like they are going to "make me pay" for a bad decision. well you know you are supposed to use work mail to send personal pics...I KNOW....and it could cause an audit...OKAY WELL THEN DO IT BUT UNDERSTAND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT PICS OF TREES AND BRYAN AND I NOT KIDDIE PORN WTH!
I KNOW i should not have sent it through work....
now shut up and fix it!
Stop talking to me like I am in 3rd grade. I know it was WRONG...I am paying the PRICE...
I know sugar attracts more flies than vinegar. But I hate the thole tech support "got ya by the balls let me rub it in your face" crap....I get like this about now...A cig withdrawl thing I think. Funny, the thought of smoking makes me sick..I think it is my mantra working. I have the physical withdrawl but much less mental withdrawl. I hate the taste of cigarrettes, Ihate the smell, I am losing weight and will not gain a pound when I quit.

aim in Fla*working · 11-29-2007, 02:29 PM

okay I was good today des...wait..I had 3 skittles...so never mind...I am so tired and sick. My lymph nodes in my groin and throat are achey. I am sure these kids are infecting me. If I was my hands anymore, seems like I will wash them to the bone. UGH! I need some good sleep. Working on the house and working and tutoring is alot.

11-26-2007, 10:11 AM	#1
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	New Year's Day Self-Challenge...11/26/07-1/1/08 Okay, it is the 26th of november and i am digging in again. I feel so stupid that I am at 5-7 pounds from goal for over 5 years. I chose to not stick with anything...Marriage, friends, habits, eating...it does not matter, I am an outta site out of mind girl. It is a terrible way to be. So I am challenging mySELF to be a better person and grow...learn to be a positive person instead of such a pessimist...I have a great BF, Bryan who is such a light in my bleak black hopeless view of life. He constantly guides me back to the land of hope I desperately try at times to drag him down too...and sometimes I hate him for being so happy and positive. I am deeply jealous of people who have self esteem. I think that part of the reason i have not attained goal is because i do not know how to define myself if I do attain goal. Crazy but true. I ordered a CD that is supposed to be a subliminal self esteem CD with affirmations and such. I am hoping that I do not berate it so much before it gets here that I make it lose all of it's power.i will try to pop in and write a bit so maybe I can see a change in myself over time if not at my waist.... __________________ My URL http://www.myspace.com/96008551 smoke-free and proud http://fitday.com/fitness/PublicJour...Owner=Aimis125

11-29-2007, 08:24 AM	#7
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	i still have no email at work. IT sucks. I am wondering who is trying to email me...etc. My school secretary is calling me telling me she emailed me and my mailbox is full. I know what it is...I used the school email to email Bryan's mother the trip pics from Arkansas...and when i called tech department downtown, they were asses and they feel like they are going to "make me pay" for a bad decision. well you know you are supposed to use work mail to send personal pics...I KNOW....and it could cause an audit...OKAY WELL THEN DO IT BUT UNDERSTAND WE ARE TALKING ABOUT PICS OF TREES AND BRYAN AND I NOT KIDDIE PORN WTH! I KNOW i should not have sent it through work.... now shut up and fix it! Stop talking to me like I am in 3rd grade. I know it was WRONG...I am paying the PRICE... I know sugar attracts more flies than vinegar. But I hate the thole tech support "got ya by the balls let me rub it in your face" crap....I get like this about now...A cig withdrawl thing I think. Funny, the thought of smoking makes me sick..I think it is my mantra working. I have the physical withdrawl but much less mental withdrawl. I hate the taste of cigarrettes, Ihate the smell, I am losing weight and will not gain a pound when I quit. Last edited by aim in Flaworking : 11-29-2007 at 08:28 AM. Reason: i cannt spell!*

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11-26-2007, 10:19 AM	#2
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	...wow that was quick huh? I am so tired right now..If I was at home, I would not be so tired. Okay, let me try to think of positives... My students are all silently reading their books today. They are actually arguing about who wants to read what. Today I ate: 2 cups of coffee with stevia(vanilla) and about 3 oz. of cream total. Breakfast-20 almonds Lunch- a huge amount of meat and 20 raw green beans Dinner- [probably nothing...maybe some coffee, cream, stevia

11-26-2007, 01:35 PM	#3
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	oh, and Bryan and I made a quit date on January 15th. 2008

11-27-2007, 08:21 AM	#4
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	okay..Had to take the cough medicine with codien and so I know I had to take a laxitive too...this couch medicine is so "binding"... Got some great pics from Arkansas...I looked thin except in my sweater hoodie...those pics I look fat! Great one of Bryan's mom and Aunt hugging me...That is my favorite becasue they look really happy that we are there. Nice. Last night i had some cabbage soup. I got my thick and thin and it REALLY works...I put a dab in my soup and it was much thicker. Can't wait to try it in gravy.... Brekafast: 2 cups of coffee, stevia with vanilla, 3 oz of cream. I really hate coffee but it is the ONLY thing that wakes me up ...so i have to make it taste like something else. Our 97 inch couch comes tomorrow..I am excited! We will get all the tv stuff out of the bedroom and try to make it a place of rest and relaxation and sex At least that is what the feng shui(SP??) book said to do. Bryans TV is MUCH better than mine re: size...40...mine is 32 and flat. I don't know whose TV is better for the entertainment room. IT is great to see these kids read. They keep reading and I said i would keep buying them books. I just got the Man called Dave series and one girl who has never read a book just finished all three...crying her little eyes out! Good stuff. I have cabbage soup for lunch today. Oh yeah, what I ate today... Breakfast-2 coffees with 3 oz of cream and stevia with vanilla. Snack- 20 almonds Lunch- BIG HUGE container of Cabbage soup with ckicken broth, Smoked sausage slices, cabbage(of course) and vidalia onion( a biggie).... Dinner...No idea. Wings maybe?

11-27-2007, 11:27 AM	#5
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	2 M&Ms...peanut. I am pissed. I am so tired I know that makes me weaker with saying "No". stupid.

11-29-2007, 05:45 AM	#6
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	well me got our HUGE couch yesterday and I was a bit depressed. I knew ti was big but did not realize it was SO big...anyway, e had low carb cabbage soup on it and watched a movie and it was not not to worry about it like we would have with the Tommy Bahama couch. I am feeling really tired and my back hurts from congestion I think from not getting over the cold. We both are coughing...and still smoking. I hate the taste of cigarrettes and hate the way I feel when i smoke. i will weigh tomorrow and share the good, bad, and the ugly facts on where i am at. I have a feeling I am about 131. I am a bit puffy as well...unsure why. We also ate popcorn last night so after a really good day of eating..I ended up with probably 20 more carbs... so today, I had: Breakfast-Coffee/2 cups 2 oz of cream and vanilla flavored stevia...about 20 almonds. Lunch-Low carb cabbage soup with smoked sausage(that is also the puffiness culprit.is the sausage in the cabbage soup.) I hate the taste of cigarrettes and I have the way I feel. I will not gain any weight when I quit January 15th...that is my mantra!

11-29-2007, 02:29 PM	#8
aim in Flaworking Big Yapper!!!! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 8,554 Gallery: aim in Flaworking	okay I was good today des...wait..I had 3 skittles...so never mind...I am so tired and sick. My lymph nodes in my groin and throat are achey. I am sure these kids are infecting me. If I was my hands anymore, seems like I will wash them to the bone. UGH! I need some good sleep. Working on the house and working and tutoring is alot.