Dharma's Way

[Dharma]

Wish I'd started a journal sooner!!! I've been through some *****. All self-induced too. Most of the mental spankings we subject ourselves to is self-induced, really. My brain must function a little differently than a lot of peoples'. I just don't connect with people on boards. I feel invisible. Don't make friends easily. People don't respond to my posts. Yada, yada there's my pity party. Again, this is all self-induced. Cause I probably come across like I think I know more than I do. One of my personality defects.

My 50th Birthday is coming up. Nov. 25th. woohoo. I am so hoping to be under 150 by then. I know I'm doing the right thing, food-wise. I'm not counting calories. I'm keeping carbs REALLY low. I don't really count, but they have been probably around 20 net. Since starting Protein Power, then getting off progesterone cream, I've finally had that amazing loss of appetite I've been hoping for. Hormones really drive appetite. Mainly insulin, but other hormones do too.

I feel stable lately. Some days I'm down a little more than I'd like to be, but for the most part I feel 'smooth'. I like that feeling. I've cut back on alcohol. I'm not cutting out the red wine though, cause last time I had my cholesterol checked my HDL was 94. That's pretty freakin high. The top 3 things that raise HDL: red wine, exercise, saturated fat!!!!! I'm there, baby.

I've enjoyed my day off today. I called in sick. We have a ridiculous number of sick days at work. I used them all last year, recovering from a broken shoulder and broken wrist (opposite sides). But this year I'll have a ton left over that will disappear cause I won't use it. That's okay. I'll take a few more when I'm just feeling blah. Actually, my sinuses are bothering me and I have TMJ of all things. Been happening off and on the last few weeks. Not sure why. I'm wondering if it's the nuts. Maybe I'm reacting and need to back off. Guess I'll have to try coconut flour now instead of almond flour in my recipes. Actually that's a good idea!! There's 5 net carbs in an oz. of almond flour; there's 7 net in the same amt of coconut flour. An oz is probably 1/3 cup. Not sure about that yet. I'll have to measure and weigh. Can't wait to try it though. I'll have to head to Wild Oats tomorrow and get some. I love coconut anyway.

I ordered some corduroy jeans today. Size 8. Seems weird that I can wear a size 8 as much as I weigh. I'm actually in between an 8 and 10, but the brand I bought I know the 8's will fit better. I bought some pants recently at Goodwill. The tag on one pair say 8, but they are way too big on me, and they are just too high. It's winter, so I didn't think it would matter, but they drove me crazy. So now I'm spending $45 to get what I really want. Coulda saved myself the $10 at Goodwill, but I never learn!! Things always fit better at the store.

Weird that I've spent my whole day at home just like I do at work - staring at the computer!!

[sjl330]

Hi Dharma,
I've been meaning to hunt you down and tell you how good to see you're back posting again. I'm still posting on EFGT but I've actually cut my carbs WAY down. Actually to even less than 20 a day. I've only been doing it this week so far but I've lost 5 pounds just this week so far. I feel great so I'm going to keep it up and maybe get back below 140 by the holidays.

Anyway, just wanted to pop by your journal and say hi.

[seb]

Dharma, I felt the same way about these boards - being invisible and all that - until I started a journal earlier this year. I've made so many dear friends since then here.

Happy 50th B'day! I'm not too far behind you.

So, you're doing PP? Were you doing EFGT before. I joined there a few months back, and actually a couple years ago did it, but it's just not a good fit for me.

I wish you much success with this journal! It sure has helped me to have one.

***threadjack****Hi Sandy.

[NewYorkGiants32]

Hi Dharma......
I too do not make friends easily, and it is hard for me to start my own journal although I do enjoy reading others. Good luck w/ your journal and w/ Low Carbing!!

[sjl330]

Originally Posted by seb

Dharma, I felt the same way about these boards - being invisible and all that - until I started a journal earlier this year. I've made so many dear friends since then here.

Happy 50th B'day! I'm not too far behind you.

So, you're doing PP? Were you doing EFGT before. I joined there a few months back, and actually a couple years ago did it, but it's just not a good fit for me.

I wish you much success with this journal! It sure has helped me to have one.

***threadjack****Hi Sandy.

Sue! Nice to see you. I too have a hard time feeling like I have real friends on the board except for my Weight Watcher thread friends and CarolynF and maybe a couple of others on the EFGT thread. Other than those I feel pretty invisible out here in Cyberville. Maybe I need to start a journal too.
Sorry Dharma, threadjack is officially over.

[Dharma]

Well thanks to all you gals!! That was a welcome threadjack, believe me! I know there are others that feel like I do, and I didn't mean to sound like a whiner - but truthfully, I kinda am a whiner!!

Sandy I liked the EFGT thread but I re-read Protein Power, and Protein Power Lifeplan, then Good Calories, Bad Calories, and I just feel like M. Eades really knows his stuff. I don't think I will ever eat TOO MUCH protein - it's pretty self limiting for me. Congrats on losing 5 lbs!!! That is amazing. I'm crossing my fingers for my weigh in this week. I don't feel any skinnier though.

Thanks Sue for the birthday wishes. I may be feeling a little down about the big FIVE OH. I keep noticing my droopy neck in the mirror. I watch too much Dr. 90210, so I think it should be all tight and smooth. I've actually started doing neck exercises just to see if they work. Cause when they do the surgeries, they actually sew the loose muscles back up!! Seems like we should be able to do it with exercise. I did switch to Protein Power like I said above. I don't believe in forcing fat really. I know I eat plenty of protein and plenty of fat. I'm not even counting calories, just keeping carbs around 20. Hope it works.

NewYorkGiants thanks for the good wishes! I like reading journals too. I like to ramble too so this is a good spot for me. I don't like to get into arguments in threads - I avoid conflict mostly. I do have the urge to express myself though, and this is a good place.

[Dharma]

I am feeling so fat today. I hate that feeling. My body is truly hanging onto the fat right now. I'm doing everything right, but things aren't really moving. I believe it hasn't been long enough since I stopped the progesterone cream - only 3 weeks. Until the excess is out of my system, I'll probably have trouble. Nora said on another thread that progesterone increases insulin resistance. WOW. That was a surprise. I've read conflicting things about it. But, what I EXPERIENCED was that I was crazily hungry all the time while I was using it. It did stop my hair from falling out though!! It was the crash diet I was on last year that did it. Today I'm taking much better care of myself. It's hard to be patient with the weight loss though.

I had 2 fried eggs for breakfast, and have tuna with peas and mayo for lunch. Not my favorite, but it'll have to do. Maybe I'll call DH and see if he wants to have lunch. Then I'll just take the afternoon off. No work really today, and the TMJ is bothering me. I wore my appliance last night on my top teeth to see if it helps. Not sure yet, but it sure is annoying.

I'm bored today. I do have a birthday party to go to Saturday night. A friend is turning 50. It's a surprise party. It'll be fun. I tend to drink too much at parties when I'm in this restless mood. So, I will need to be cautious and watch myself. But I still can have fun!! Gotta find him a gift tomorrow. At least shopping may lift the boredom a bit!

Hopefully the Rockies will win a game this weekend!! Rough start, poor guys. I'm a football fan so baseball is boring to me - too long -- but with the Rockies in the World Series I kinda have to watch!!

Okay, spooky -- DH just called and asked me to meet him for lunch!! We were both thinking the same thing. That happens to me a lot. If I start thinking about a friend, she'll call me usually the same day. I have this radar thing.

We're going to Chili's, so I'm gonna see if I can find a menu online and decide ahead what to get.

[Dharma]

The babyback ribs at Chili's were great!! I had a full rack of the Memphis dry rub ribs, no sauce, but gave DH a couple of fat ribs cause I got full. I had broccoli on the side. DH had 1/2 rack covered in sauce and then he dips them in sauce ; he had salad with blue cheese dressing and croutons, french fries, and one of those chocolate cakes with all the syrup and ice cream after. And he only weighs 15 more lbs than me, and is 5 inches taller. Should be proof enough that "calories in, calories out" is not meaningful to how much we weigh!!

I have a real dilemma regarding my birthday. To eat cake, or not to eat cake. I think I've decided to make my own birthday treat and bring to work; or maybe ask for a sugar-free cheesecake. They WILL give me a hard time about it, but hey, whatever. I just don't want the consequences of eating all that sugar and the cravings it'll cause. I've been doing too good lately.

[sjl330]

Sounds yummy Lisa. About your birthday cake at work. You could always tell them your Dr. has told you you can't have sugar any more? That way they don't think you're crazy, you can blame the Dr. And I don't blame you for not wanting the sugar. DH's birthday is Monday and I'll be making him a pineapple upside down cake but I plan to pass on it. I 'plan' to pass. I hope I follow my plan, lol.

[Dharma]

Hey Sandy! Well, they've known me too long to believe I went to the doctor!! They know I"ve been avoiding sugar for awhile cause I've turned down lots of birthday treats this last month. But they'll still rag me mercilessly - it's just how they are. I think us low carbers are definitely still the minority.

Pineapple upside down cake sounds great. I make my DH and DS treats all the time - choc chip cookies, cakes, pies - and I don't eat any. At least, not now. I just don't want that appetite for carbs to come back, ya know? It makes it so much harder. You seem to do better with occasional treats than some, don't ya think? Still, stick to your guns.....we both have some goals to hit!!

[sjl330]

Sometimes sugar is a real trigger for me though and right now I'm trying to forgo anything that's not on my plan. I feel very strong so I don't think it'll be a problem. I never bake anymore unless it's something SF. DH doesn't want or need the sugar either. Only on his birthday, lol.

[seb]

Dharma~I'm getting the droopy neck thing also. I just got the Gary Taubes book, but haven't had much of a chance to read it. Maybe this weekend I can get some good reading in. I've never read any of the Eades material and you've got me interested in it.

[Dharma]

I'm gonna re-read GCBC soon. I love the Protein Power books. They are scientific, yet easy to understand. They really jell with my experience with food.

Speaking of that....there is something not right in my diet. I suspect it could be eggs, but the only way to find out is quit eating them. I LOVE eggs. I love fried eggs for breakfast, and egg salad, scrambled eggs, omelettes....I mean, eggs are a low carber's best friend!!

I had to give up coffee (caused my Burning Mouth Syndrome), raw fruits and vegetables, except for occasional berries, make me have terrible problems, of course no grains (I'm intolerant), things with vinegar give me a bad stomach ache, I'm lactose intolerant, I seem to have a reaction to nuts, and now I can't eat eggs. I wish there was some concoction I could eat every meal, same thing every time, that was healthy and okay for the rest of my life, that would not cause respiratory or digestive problems. Okay maybe protein with fat would qualify. But without eggs as a source of protein I feel sooooo limited.

I'm having sinus problems, phlegm, my right jaw is sore (I even looked up lock jaw cause I was afraid I had it), my joints are achey and my colon isn't acting right. Which indicates to me there's some food causing all of these reactions. My best guess is eggs. I've had problems with them before. I read that the Omega 3 eggs are the WORST kind to eat. That the fatty acid profile is screwed up, and to get the eggs that way the chickens are not fed a natural diet. My DH has been buying them lately. I told him not to anymore. Poor guy - my food instructions get so complicated, and change so often. I'm just lucky he still goes to the grocery store!!

I had a concoction this morning for breakfast that was pretty good. It may work for awhile. It was pumpkin, 2 TB yogurt, 2 TB cream cheese, 1 scoop whey protein isolate, cinnamon, and a tsp of Splenda. I warmed it in the microwave. It's really great if you like pumpkin, which I LOVE.

On another downer note, I weighed this morning cause I felt like maybe I'd lost a little, but nope, no change. I've had no alcohol this week, cause I figured the 3 to 4 nights of having a glass of wine might be slowing me down. Didn't seem to matter. I will have some wine or champagne tonight at my friend's birthday party. I'll have to stay away from most of the food though.

So food-wise, I'm left with protein, no eggs, no nuts, cooked veggies, some cheese, and that's it. Then, if my problems don't clear up, I will cut out all but ONE thing, do an elimination diet and add back one thing at a time. That may be the only way I find out what's bothering me. I'm even worried about the grass-fed beef we just got. Maybe there's something in that I don't tolerate. I am allergic to grass, actually, but surely once it's been digested by the cow it's not allergenic anymore?

If that doesn't work, I guess I'll have to go to the doctor. Or not. It never resolves anything. She'll just try to put me on antidepressants or some crazy thing like that. She prescribed them for my BMS. Crazy. I didn't take them. It took me a WHILE to figure out it was the coffee causing BMS, but I DID figure it out. The weirdest thing is, it isn't caffeine, cause I still drink diet drinks. It's some other thing about the coffee. Very mysterious.

My stomach feels unsettled from the pumpkin concoction. I think I'll go take an enzyme. DH and I are going shopping for a birthday gift in a bit. It's a gray and cold day today in Denver. Much like my mood today!!

[Dharma]

I did fine last night at the party. There was shrimp, cheese, pepperoni sticks, raw veggies w/ranch dip, and the wine. That's what i had to eat. I kept smelling the pumpkin pie that someone brought though. It bothered me....I really wanted some. But I didn't.

Not that it matters. I guess I ought to be glad I'm not GAINING, but I'm not. I feel FAT and I hate it. Obviously since I'm not losing I'm eating too much. I don't even believe strictly in cals in, cals out = weight loss.....but since I'm maintaining, I'm obviously eating too much food. I think it's probably been around 1700 a day. I stopped using fitday. Figured I could just keep my carbs low and things would take care of themselves. Now I'm gonna have to re-evaluate my gauge of my own 'hunger'. Stop eating when satisfied, not when full. Now that I'm carb free and craving free, I think I can do this.

I miss my morning eggs. I kinda hope I don't notice a difference without them, so I can eat them again!! My wrist didn't ache yesterday. My jaw feels slightly less sore today. But I had diahrrea this morning. Yuck.

It's almost noon. I'm gonna go shower, or maybe take a bath with epsom salts. Those always feel really good. No football today.....Broncos play tomorrow night. I'll probably watch someone else though. I'm gonna miss football season!!!

[sjl330]

Good job Lisa! I was able to resist temptation last night too. DH ordered a yummy Caramel Apple dessert after dinner and it was big enough for 4 people but I didn't even taste it. And I"m glad I didn't. I've maintained my 6# loss this week and am anxious to head into this week and see if I can lose anymore. The 2nd week is never as good as the first.

You might try just eating egg whites. Alot of times it's the yolk people have trouble with. I hate that there's so many things you can't have. That's got to be a bummer. At least ketosis helps with the cravings huh?

Keep it up and eventually your body will have to give up that weight. I've been trying to eat a normal sized portion and then stop and wait at least 20 minutes to see if I'm really still hungry. So far so good. I've only eaten once after that 20 minutes and I didn't eat much more, just a bit and then I was fine.

[seb]

Sorry you're having to cut out so much good food from your diet. I'm one that needs variety, so that would be hard.

I'm no expert in this, but I don't necessarily believe that when I'm not losing I'm eating too many calories. I think sometimes our body takes a pause from losing to heal particular things that we're not even aware of. I have been stalled for a couple months; don't believe I've lost inches either. I have had a few cheats during that time, which may be the culprit, but I don't think those few cheats would totally stall me out. I just think there are things going on that I don't even realize. So, I keep plugging away at it.

But after being at this general weight for several months, I'm beginning to feel fat again.

What I am going to do is start drinking more herbal tea when I want to snack or eat. Have you thought about doing something like that? I read a thread in the ML where AllieCat said she did this after meals and it has helped her to get her portions under control. I'm going shopping for some new herbal teas today.

[Dharma]

Good for you too Sandy! I find it much easier to not eat something at ALL, not even a tiny taste, than to take a bite and quit. Ketosis really does help. I've been realizing lately that I'm never really hungry. Of course I still want to eat, and I'm eating at regular times. I do need to cut back on my portion size and see if I'm still satisfied. I bet I am.

DH fried catfish and hushpuppies last night. I made slaw, and I baked me a salmon filet and had that with slaw. Hushpuppies are one of my all-time favorite foods. I ALMOST tasted one, but didn't. Glad I dodged that bullet!! However I think I overate yesterday. I had my yogurt, cream cheese, pumpkin, protein powder concoction for breakfast. Then I had a low carb tortilla with some ham and turkey slices, and a WHOLE avocado. Then I had a small bowl of veg. beef soup. Then the salmon and slaw. I think that's probably too much food, although I didn't record it in fitday to find out. But I was kinda stuffed feeling.

My jaw is definitely still sore this morning. I'm pretty sure I'm grinding my teeth at night, cause I wake up sore. It diminishes during the day. I'm starting to wonder if it's hormonal. I know I had bad anxiety before when I went on the crash diet. I'm not undereating now, but maybe my diet is still affecting my hormones. Hopefully things will settle down and I'll adjust. I'm considering upping my 5-HTP and see if that helps. I need to do some reading on it first.

I wish there were some safe muscle relaxer I could take until this tension lets up!! I've been snapping at DH a lot, and I got out of sorts at the birthday party cause I was warm at one point, and my friend said, "Oh, you're having a hot flash." Ticked me off big time. I wasn't having one, cause I HAVE had them a few times (last year when my hormones were messed up), but I'm not still having them and I know what they feel like. I was just warm. I really have a bad reaction to people assuming I'm menopausal. I'm not. I've never even missed a period, except when I was pregnant. I know I'm probably in denial or overly sensitive, but just because I'm turning 50 soon doesn't mean I'm automatically menopausal. Yes, I've been grouchy this last week, but it's because my jaw and neck are stiff and I cannot get any relief. I took a hot bath yesterday but it didn't help. Glass of wine doesn't help. Ibuprofen doesn't help. I'm just gonna have to give it more time....

[Dharma]

Hey Seb I just saw your post....good suggestion. I've used herbal teas before and they do work, especially in the winter. They're a good substitute for wine too!!

Well all my frustration yesterday just ended up with me overeating carbs. I probably hit 70 yesterday. And of course woke up puffy and miserable. I ate FIVE low carb tortillas yesterday. And drank 1/2 bottle of wine. I used the excuse that my jaw was really hurting and I couldn't find anything to help. But of course the wine didn't help anything either!!

This morning I decided to try upping my 5-HTP. So instead of 50 mg, I took 100 mg. Within 30 minutes I could tell a difference. I actually got some relief!! I feel way less tense. Many people take it at night because it is so calming and they get sleepy. It works better for me to take it in the morning. The bottle said it was okay to work up to 200 mg a day, I think. I still need to do some more reading. We have to be just as careful with OTC supplements as we do with prescription meds. Many OTC supplements are even more powerful than scripts, they're just not synthetic hence can't be made into a drug. So I really don't want to get into the "more is better" mentality.

I had leftover catfish for breakfast this morning. Catfish isn't one of my favorite fishes....it's kinda fishy!! But I still am avoiding eggs for now. I don't think they are the problem though....my colon still doesn't like something I'm doing. I decided to give my body a break from all my supplements for 3 days, except for the 5-HTP.

Seb - you make a good point about the body taking a break sometimes to heal. I think this probably is true. My body is telling me right now that something's out of whack. I just need some patience to figure out for sure what's going on. And eating low carb tortillas ain't gonna cut it!!

DH is grilling flank steak tonight. I think I'll eat it in a salad, like Mexican salad. I love flank steak. I have an avocado that will be good with it too. Too bad I've already eaten a month's worth of tortillas.....I coulda had one tonight.

[Dharma]

Okay I did a little reading on 5-HTP. I feel fine about increasing to 100 mg a day, maybe even more. Interestingly enough, I discovered that taking 5-HTP during the day increases seratonin, while taking it at night increases melatonin!!! So, my observation that it works better for me taking it in the morning makes sense. I really don't need help sleeping - I need help with mood and anxiety during the day.

I will take the 100 mg for 3 or so days, and if I have no side effects (nausea and sexual dysfunction are 2 possibles), then I will try taking 100 mg in the morning, then 50 after lunch. Hopefully this will keep my seratonin levels up to more normal levels during the day. My TMJ issues and neck stiffness could be related to low seratonin. I have all the signs.....carb cravings, mild depression, anxiety.

I forgot to mention how I noticed this morning's dose was working......my DS wanted to drive to school this morning (has his learner's permit). I noticed about halfway there that he seemed to be driving REALLY well. I was basing this on how calm I was feeling!! I complimented him on his excellent driving. Then I realized he wasn't driving any different, but that I was just FEELING different. Funny!!

[sjl330]

CarolynF mentioned the 5-HTP to me a while back. I think I might look into it too. I've had too many days of feeling a bit on the blue side for no reason at all. I had lunch with her today and we had a very nice visit. I posted pics of us on the EFGT thread if you're interested, lol.
I can totally understand the 5 LC tortillas. Sometimes when I eat something that tastes really good I just can't resist having more, and more and more.

[Dharma]

COOL pics Sandy!!! Ummmm, sorry for asking, but which one is you?? I really can't tell from Carolyn's old avi, and I don't think I've seen any other pics. Looks like ya'll had LOTS of fun.

Do check into the 5-HTP. It has worked for me. I need all the help I can get!!

[sjl330]

Lol. I'm the one in the light blue shirt with the longer hair. Yes, Carolyn has had her haircut since her avi pic.

Can you find the 5-htp at Walmart? I can always use extra help too.

[Dharma]

Not sure if Walmart has it. I just found some on Amazon that wasn't too expensive. But I buy it from Vitamin Cottage, a block from work. I buy Nature's Way brand and I think it's under $10 for 60 tabs.