54 DAYS!!!

[summergirl]

Well now its 52 but I started this journey 2 days ago....
I have a girls (fun,fun, fun!!)trip planned in 52 days and I am determined to lose as many inches (and pounds) as I can before we leave.

starting weight 172
day 53~ 170.5
todays weigh in ~169

I am going to do everything in my power to lose as much as I can before this trip.

2 months of wallowing in self pity and drinking and eating like the earth was coming to an end isnt the answer.

I am in a very tight 12 right now, well actually only 2 pairs of my 12's are fitting so officially I am a 12/14...I would love to be a size 8 by the time we leave...mission impossible?? Who knows but i am going to give it everything I got.

I need to take measurements and will remeasure every 5 days or so.

I am going to exercise as much as I can stand...right now I am averaging 4-6 miles of powerwalking 4-5 times a week. I plan on adding a lot of toning and light weights.

I am doing kind of a modified M/E and that may change as i continue on...we'll see.

I will report my eats & exercise from the previous day, everyday.

I am ready to melt...let the games begin

[summergirl]

Okay, these are baddddd.I am hoping that because TOM is here any sec has something to do with the numbers...

and yes, I measure everything

7/11
WEIGHT~~~~~~169
UPPER ARM~~~~12
CHEST~~~~~~~39.5
RIBS~~~~~~~~~32
WAIST~~~~~~~~31
HIPS @ BONE~~~~38.75
BUNS~~~~~~~~~44.25
UPPER INNER THIGH~~23.75
UPPER OUTER THIGH~~25.5 (this is my old waist measurment)
LOWER THIGH~~~~~~16.25
KNEE~~~~~~~~~~~~15.5

There it is in all its glory, it can only get better from here.

I am suprised that my measurments were this bad considering I have kept up my workouts and my shape while its bigger has kept a semi-normal looking shape of a woman.

Thats all for now

[summergirl]

This is my 3rd day and TOM is near but dayumm my energy level sucks!

I know I need a 'real' plan, ya know with rules and everything...dont want to half arse this thing.Picking one to stick with is the real problem.

I did a 45 minute 1/2 walk~1/2 run this morning and I was weak. I am thinking I need more fat in my diet. i had 3 eggs for brekkie and a good sized portion of turkey breast (skinless) with a large celery stalk for lunch and the lunch didnt even tide me over for 30 minutes.

I just dont want to get carried away with the fats and have my calories go through the roof again. Just feeling a bit irriatable with aunt flo about to visit~~damn her, she throws me off my game every month!
Not this month though.

We have our bowling league tonight and I usually partake in a cocktail or 2 but didnt have one last week so I am not worried about tonight. Besides I know just 1 little cocktail makes the bowling alley food look devine.

I took a good long hard look at myself nekkid after I did my measurments and dear lord I cannot belive how big my butt has grown! Seriously, its way out of porportion...not that the rest of me is thin but geez my buns are big.


Knowing me my motivation level will fluctuate through the days and weeks but I am determined to make the most of this next 7 + weeks before this trip.

Feeling dreadfully tired right and that never helps...so I am off to nap (which I always feel guilty about during a weekday) I need to take care of me and being extra tired for tonight will backfire on me.

[summergirl]

Couldnt sleep, too many distractions, oh well. Having some coffee and cream (yum) and a bite of PB and I already feel better.
I think my lower fat plan is not the best one...

Just realized that on 4/11~~ 3months ago I hit my low of 151 (for the millionth time) and I looked back on those measurments and I am really grossed out now.

In 2 months of serious binging and 1 month of yo-yoing I have gained as of today....

18 pounds (23.5 as of 06/18th)
+1.25 inches ARM
+1.5 inches CHEST
+1.5 inches RIBS
+3.0 inches WAIST
+3.75 inches HIPS
+2.75 inches BUNS
+2.25 inches UPPER THIGHS

This is so disturbing to me. I could be back to 200 pounds in a heartbeat if I dont get this under control. That is a lot of inches gained back.

In this process of losing I also need to figure out how I am going to maintain and not go back to the binging/not caring stage again.

I am trying to figure out why I stray from low carbing in general?? I feel so, I mean so much better and normal(yes normal, like a normal person..eating to appetite and feeling SATISFIED) when I am low carbing.

I can eat as much healthy good fats, protein and veggies (and a few drinks I might add) through the weekend and not gain an ounce and usually lose.

WTH is my problem..I am sick of my own excuses.

" I cant eat there!!"
OKay, this one has got to go, I can eat anywhere they serve food. Italian, fine, I can eat meatballs, salads, pizza toppings, veggies you name it.

Mexican, thats easy, steak house, sushi, even fast food...I love me a bunless burger with a side salad.

There are no excuses!

This is not who I want to be....going to submit now so I dont lose this....

[summergirl]

This is not who I want to be...although THIS IS who I used to be. Remember her, over 200 pounds, hiding, miserable, feeling old and dumpy?

Thats me NOW!

I lost a lot of weight, all the way down to the 120's/130's and my closet was filled with 6 and 8's!! I was happy, I was confident, I was healthy.

I took really good care of myself.

A LOT can change in 3 years but I have the power to turn things around...its all up to me. Nobody else can do this.

My kids are youngish and I dont think the remember the thin, pretty, actice mom they used to have. They think this is the real me..it isnt even close.


I am tired of this being my main focus, I am tired of the panic attacks while getting ready for an event (because I have nothing to wear or (usually) I have gained weight since I last saw 'whoever' we are meeting with)

I am tired of failed attempts.

I just dont know what went wrong last April..I was back into a few 10's from a size 14...I was feeling so good. I cried in my room trying on old clothes realizing how close I was to getting them back to fitting.
I thought I made it, I will never be in the clear though, this will be a lifelong battle for me and I think the sooner I accept that the better off I will be.

I have had body issues and have been dieting since I was 9 years old and 65 pounds ( maybe even earlier but this is the earliest I have proof of)

I think my main hurdle for restarting this time is fear. I simply can NOT lose another big chunk of weight AND then gain it back, I cant do it anymore. I am embarresed by my behavior and my inabilty to stop the maddness before I reached 174.5.

I actually gave away all of my 12's and 14's back in April...I thought I was done. Going shopping a few weeks later for the same sizes was depressing as all heck.

Wow, this is long, I guess I had some stuff to get off of my chest.

But I have lost and regained about 20 pounds more than 10 times in the past 3 years and i just cant do it anymore.

I really wanted to post my measurmnet gains so that I will always remember what the consquences for 'giving up' are.

Its easy to be in denial, I stopped weighing, I stopped measurning,I stopped fitday and I started wearing baggy ugly sweats instead of my cute new size 10 jeans and the rest is history.

[summergirl]

51 days to go..

PMSing like no bodys business...bloated and crampy...I hate this time.

Weight 169 again, thats okay as I ended up having three drinks last night. Not going to beat myself up because thats a lot less than I usually partake in and I didnt eat any bowling alley food. There was 2 huge baskets of garlic fries on the table the entire time but I resisted.

1300 cals and 25 carbs
45 min1/2 walk~1/2 jog

more later

[hawkwife]

Wow, you are an inspiration!!! I loved reading your posts!!!


Jen

[summergirl]

Awww, thank you Jen that was so sweet! How are you doing?

Especially since i feel like the worlds biggest yo-yo!

I swear though, I am going to figure this out (me) and I am going to lose this weight and I am going to MAINTAIN it.

I am going to be 100 percent honest and open in this journal, I feel like I learn a lot reading through my own journals, ya know. Sometimes just randomly writing down what i am feeling goes way deeper than I even realized.

So just got back from my workout...1 hour of half running /half powerwalking....woooo Molly am I ever sweaty. I am so excited to be jogging again and its not killing my back or shins like usual.

I have been walking forever, most mornings 3-6 miles mon-fri...but I know I need to switch things up. I didnt realize how much more work the jogging is than just powerwalking.

Bummed that TOM will be here any minute because I love the huge water weight loss I usually get the first few days back on plan, it keeps me motivated. But I know if I just hold tight I should get a nice big whooshie after the girl stuff ends.

menu from yesterday...

3 scrambled eggs
6 chk wings.2 stalks celery
serv. turkey/1TBsp mayo/i slice cheese/2 baby pickles
serv. turkey/1 stalk celery
1TBsp PB
coffee w/1TBsp heavy cream

1 rum and diet and 2 lite beers at the bowling alley
lots of water and 45 minute workout

Need to hit the grocery store now that I veered off original M/E plan, I need veggies and fat at least until the period thing is done.

Oh and I had soooo much more energy on my workout this morning, I swear its the fat, yesterday I was dragging and was dizzy soooo we'll see.

Learning process I suppose

[summergirl]

PMS is kickin me hard..I am tired, weepy, irratable and STARVING!

I have had a coffee with cream and 3 scrambled egg in butter already...really need to get to the store...no time before picking up middle DD and then the kids are having a friend over for a swim...need to fit it in somewhere though.

wah, I want a big fat carby meal and a few cold beers!! I know this is just Aunt Flo talkin but I feel like crap!

Why do I always decide to 'start' something new right around this time of month?

Sigh...I will be okay, just needed to vent.

Going to bed early tonight, I am beat.

[summergirl]

Maybe I should increase my st johns wort a week prior to PMS time? I need a strategy, I am sick of feeling this bad a week out of each month.
Stopped by Mc D's on the way home and had a diet coke, bunless chicken sandwich and a square of 60 % chocolate (5 carbs).

Could have been much worse...because when I am PMSing I have such a 'I dont give a crap' attititude...its really bad.

I will be thrilled to make it through this weekend keeping the carbs low, so I am not going to worry about calories or fat until I have a handle on my emotions again.

Feel like crud.

[summergirl]

50 days!!

167.5 this morning!!

I ate and ate yesterday but I kept it legal. I am not worrried about fat or protein right now, just carbs until evil aunt flo comes and goes.

as per fitday~~2145 calories and 39 carbs...whoa, need to bring that number down.

I had a breaded (bunless) chicken sandwich for lunch yesterday not realizing that breaded chk is TWICE the calories of a non breaded one and a breaded piece has 20 carbs where a plain one has none!

Learned my lesson on that one.

[summergirl]

Just did my 1 hour 1/2 and 1/2...feeling good.
Did lots of thinking as usual.

Need to stay confident this weekend.

I need to stop mentally beating myself up for this latest gain! Its not helping matters at all, so why do I keep doing it?

I am going to pretend that the last 3 years of yo-yoing didnt happen, 3 years ago I weighed 128 pounds and I have gained to 174.5...I am going to lose this weight and feel good again.

No use crying over spilled milk...I am done with the negative thinking already!

TGIF

[summergirl]

Wow, 2373 calories yesterday and 64 carbs! We had sushi last night, I had 4 tiny pieces, didnt think the little bit of rice would add many carbs...had some hot saki too. I had a great friday, had a delicious cream cheese, pumpkin, sliced almond thingy for dessert. Could have just ate half the bowl, but I am learning.

Even with all that I am still at 167.5 ...now if I had ate 2300 cals and a lot of carbs I would have been so up on the scale.
I love low carb.

Gotta keep the carbs down today. We have a bbq to go to today, been in the planning for months.
I offered to bring a homemade potato salad my fave...I am very proud that I made a huge vat of potato salad last night and I knew I had to taste it to see if it came out good. (i dont use a recipe, its a little of this, a little of that) so I put a medium sized bite in my mouth took a few chews and then spit in the sink, it was perfect and I am proud of myself.

Last time I made pot. salad I had no room for dinner after sampling

I really didnt think a few pieces of sushi with that itty bitty rice would be so high carb, so next time I will not eat the rice.

Happy to be the same weight as yesterday as its the weekend and TOM is due this morning.

Happy saturday...no exercise today as its my day off and I could use one!
Yesterday I did 1 hour 1/2 and 1/2....

[summergirl]

Woohoo!!

Even though TOM is supposed to make his appearance today and I have only been back on plan for 6 days I felt thinner this morning and decided to peek at the ol measurments....
I have already lost an inch EACH off of my waist, hips and buns and everything else shows a slight loss!!!

I am so thrilled to already be headed in the right direction.

I am not taking 'official' measuments until TOM has come and gone, but for now I am a happy girl!

Low carb rocks!!!!

[summergirl]

48 days!!

Didnt weigh this morning, TOM showed and I went off plan at the BBQ yesterday. There was so much peer pressure to try all the homemade desserts the hostess/host made, as well as the other dishes that friends brought. I really didnt go hog wild but I had 104 carbs yesterday so I am sure I am up a bit on the scale especially with TOM finally here.

I am not going to beat myself up (too badly) but it really seemed impossible to not try a few bites of a lot of dishes, this hostess would have been really hurt/offended. i am not making excuses for my behavior but I really would rather have a higher carb day once in awhile than offend a friend or stand out in a group and there was no way I was going to start a "i am trying to lose weight" speech, done that too many times...Nobody needs to know about the lastest attempt of mine.

So I will eat clean today, get all my water in and hope tomorrow the scale is friendly

Down to less than 7 weeks until my trip, time to turn up the heat! I am glad TOM finally arrived so I will start feeling better here really soon

[summergirl]

47 days!

Well I am up 2 pounds this weekend to 169.5 but with TOM here and the BBQ incident and how much I am a 'crazy sponge' when it comes to retaining water I am pretty happy about it only being 2 pounds. It will be long gone before this friday.

Being officially out of the 170's makes me happy, now to conquer the 60's...

Busy morning...

[summergirl]

Did a 6 mile powerwalk this morning...no jogging but the ol period is kickin my butt so I am proud that i did 6 miles and didnt use it as an excuse to not do anything.

Really looking forward to taking measurments, hopefully on friday. I have really turned up the heat on the workouts, so even if the weight isnt showing on the scale I know it will in the measurments.

Going to drink as much water as I can today and try and keep my calories light and fat high and carbs low for the next few days, seems to be how I lose the best after a weekend of higher cals ect.
I can tell I am retaining major water, my hands hurt just to open a bottle of water so that shuld start to go away in a day or two.

Feeling good today, gotta keep the positive mojo going!

[summergirl]

46 days!

Already down the 2 I gained this weekend plus 1/2 more and its only tuesday! 167 this morning...851 calories and 14 carbs yesterday.

Slowly but surely I am moving in the right direction...cant wait for TOM to pack his bags and get outta here so I can take some real measurments!

Gotta run, slept too late..................

[summergirl]

Okay doke...decided to do my official measurments anyway...I need to keep myself motivated, its only been 6 days (since my last measure) but I am feeling it!!

Weight 167~~down 2 pounds since 7/11 and total 7.5 pounds
ARM~~~~11.5~~~down 0.5 inches
CHEST~~~~39~~down 0.5 inches
RIBS~~~~~~31~~~down 1 inch
WAIST~~~~~30.5~~~~down 0.5 inches
HIPS~~~~~~38~~~down 0.75 inches
BUNS~~~~~~43.5~~~~down 0.75 inches
UPPER INNER TH~~~~~23~~~down 0.75 inches
UPPER OUTER TH~~~~~25.5~~~down 0.5 inches
LOWER TH~~~~~15.75~~~down 0.50 inches
KNEE~~~15~~~~~down 0.5 inches

Woohoo, not bad for 6 days and 2 pounds and being in the middle of TOM eh!!

I am excited that every single measurment was down and nothing less than 1/2 inch was lost.

I tried on my size 10 jeans again, and I am definantly feeling the differnece from about 2 weeks ago( even though they are way too snug for me to wear in public) and the 12's (same style) that were pretty tight last week are back to fitting PERFECT!

So is my dream of being a comfy 8 in this same style of jeans possible by 9/1 ?? who knows, but I am giving it all i got!

And, not trying to dwell on where I was in April but to get back to my lowest size in 3 years (April 07) I need to lose...

.75 ARM
1.00 CHEST
2.5 WAIST
3.0 HIPS
2.0 BUNS
1.5 UP TH

and 16 pounds

I am on my way though!!

We are taking the kids to a baseball game tonight...free jersey night and I am so happy to have a comfy pair of jeans to wear again!!

Off to see if the rest of my 12's are in a friendly mood!

[summergirl]

WOOHOO....

they all fit! All of my 12's fit me again!

I am truly amazed what a differnece less than 2 weeks has proven to be.

One very happy girl here


:kick ing:

[pennylovesdarren]

Keep up the good work Summergirl! Here's to you making your goal!

[summergirl]

Thank you Penny!

[summergirl]

45 days!!! ACKKKK, thats starting to sound close!

167.5...up 1/2 pound today. Yesterday I had 1714 cals and 41 carbs (4 bud lights included @ the game) I think my calories are generally too high, I am losing inches but I really think I am eating too much.

My average for the past 9 days is 1644 & 40 carbs but for the past week I am at 1857 & 50 carbs. So I need to bring both the carbs ad the calories down.

The trip is only 6 and 1/2 weeks away! At this point I really just want to be a very comfy 10 and hey if i surpass that great but to be a comfy 10 before we leave would be fantastic!

[summergirl]

Aunt Flo is killin me here! Gawd awful cramps and I still feel like I am PMSing, all weepy and crap...I hate this time of month.

Didnt get my walk/jog in again for 2 days in a row now...feeling very dissappointed in my weight loss so far.

I know, I know, yesterdays journal entry was all happy and bubbly but I got to thinking that maybe it seems like I lost more than i did (inches) because I took the measurments a few days before TOM?? who knows!

I am going back and forth in my mind...1/2 of the time I am so satisfied with the way i am eating that I dont care if it takes a year to lose the weight because i can really live with this.

The other half knows I will be so depressed if I go on my trip and I am still wearing a size 12.

I hate feeling like its summer and I will miss out on a lot of fun/social type things...not drinking, partaking in desserts,....

who knows, I dont. Just feel like I should weigh less than i do but then reality hits and I know eating this many calories and carbs and drinking a few times a week aint going to get me to goal in lighting speed or anything.

Really trying to get over the whole being pizzed at myself for gainnig all this weight back (again, sigh) but its really hard not to be mad. All that hard work for nothing, I cant believe I couldnt maintain it at all.

Its like I lost my mind and went crazy, how can I go from being super dedicated to something to not caring AT ALL about the very same thing?

I dont know, but I need to figure it out so it dosent happen again thats for sure.


I feel like if I continue on the way I have been eating/working out I can expect about 10 more pounds before my trip which would put me around 157 and that is not even close to being okay with me. I really need something in the 140's to feel good in a swim suit for petes sake.

Tired of the same ol thoughts. I know a lot of this is the dumb ol period talking but I am just exhausted by it all.

I found my old journal from last march/april...thought I had burned them all but I missed this one. It was interesting to read through it again.

I had forgot how good I was feeling at the end of it. I wanted to lose about 10 more and I was ready to try and maintain, I actually felt good....not skinny but curvy and healthy. Wearing a size 10 and really loving how I was eating and everything.

I started the beginning of march at 165...10 full pounds less than I started this time. That really hurts to realize that, not only could I not maintain 151 but I gained the 15 pounds back that i lost PLUS another 10

Do I want to be fat? I feel like the answer is a Hell No! But why do I keep doing this to myself?

Today we have a BBQ at middle DD's GATE academy and we have bowling tonight...ev