Budilove's Journal.....in the end i am only accountable to me

[budilove]

This is my 4th day of my clean eating....i have posted my allowed foods on the low carb thread.....and i did not receive encouraging words apart from two maybe three people....and also a personal email. Thank you all who encouraged me....yea and in the end i am only accountable to myself.

It was sometime last week when i noticed that my favourite size six clothes were tight....i got on the scale and noticed that i had gained a whopping 20lbs...137lbs....i just don't like that number...i thought i was done with 130s. I decided to review my habits since the begining of the year. It's all my fault....i had stopped exercising on a consistent schedule...on average i exercised 4 times a month, i had let down my guard on what i ate....peanut butter and jelly was my food of choice and this was full of sugar....i binged on nuts....i did enjoy ice cream often.... Peacan breeze from DQ was my favorite....i did also have some chocolate once ina while.

I don't know why i let that happen....but i also discovered that started right about that time when i started to take prozac. So that was the first thing i did.
Second thing was i prioritized my workout schedule to be every day of the week....but i allowed myself one day break if i needed it...i don't want to burn out...so far it's working out fine.
But...and thats a big but...i knew that to lose weight....working out is important...i don't want to be the thin fat gal...but that is only 10%.....coz all it does is tone the body mostly.....the big % involves what you eat. That meant i had to come up with an eating plan that i knew would work. I had lost weight tweaking the atkins way of eating..so i knew that low carb works. But i also know that i cannot trust myself with fat...i just love it toooo much...i mean the right kind of fat is acceptable....to a limit though....but after my intense research i opted to do low carb my was. It kinda represents Dr. Stillman's 14 day....
My food plan is mostly made up of protein and little bit of the salad vegies. But i am not really a cook....or put it simply....i don't enjoy cooking......so i usually tell people that i don't know how to cook...which to a point is true. So my list of allowable foods is limited.....but not how much of it i eat. The list included mostly boiled eggs, and canned tuna.....i love tofu...only thing i would bother cooking....but so far i haven't had the desire to. But i will tell my DBF to cook some for me tonight.....he is the cook The vegies so far include celery and lettuce...but i will be adding broccolli to the mix soon. Am only allowed to drink water, green tea (hot or iced), and black coffee with no sweetner or cream....

This is my fourth day.....it is going well.....i have had no cheats....and my cravings are zero and my size 6 clothes are now getting very comfortable...need a belt
Am working out regulaly...been a month on the rowing machine.....thanks to my DBF he likes working out...my encouragement......so i started rowing in May...i felt fat but did not want to step on the scale....but once i got on the scale i decided to add back my eliptical trainer to the mix....so i have been working out for 1.5 to 2 hrs since the beginning of this plan.
So am proud of myself...can't wait to get into my size 4s....the scale...that i will talk about after i weigh myself on friday.

The thing that helped me was i told my DBF and his 2 boys that am doing a strict 7 day clean eating......so they are not pushing the bad foods at me....i told them that all am eating is protein and vegies...not taking any coke zeros or wine....just water and green tea or black coffee. They are being such sweethearts....they are not pushing me...so far......but i am now strong and i am feeling good and i am seeing it working...so i will say no...just like i used to say no last year.
Soon though i will be able to enjoy some coke zero and a glass of wine somenights.....
I feel like extending this 7day clean eating plan to 14...then i might add more vegies...wine..coke zero....then we will see how i do at the end of june.

[budilove]

Meeeeh! I am doing kimkims...less fat. Doh!

[budilove]

And then....it's not really kimkims coz i am exercising.

yesterday got tough as the day progressed. I found myself with no energy and basically more hungry than the last few days. But i was not going to cheat, so i had more eggs and tuna....i was also craving some sugar so i had a glass/or two of coke zero. I did feel abit guilty coz coke zero was not on the list....but its comforting to know that it was 0cals.
I also did not use the eliptical trainer....i was just out of it.

I woke up with a funny taste on my mouth and wondered if it was ketosis???? I did not feel like rowing ....but i did want to use the eliptical machine...but after 30min i was ready to use the rowing machine....which i did...only thing was my average went down...but i still got to do my usual length...just took and extra 2 min. I need to improve on that.
I also noticed that i was not that hungry...but i decided to have some tofu mixed with 3eggs....and i was full. I remember having to force myself to have 2 more eggs and some lettuce for lunch, i had some tuna for snack at around 4....but i was at Brian's and he gave me some broccolli....not on the list but still a safe food.....and i am just full. But i will have either tuna or tofu for dinner.
So am still sticking to plan...and am happy with that. I also tried other pants today that could not close last week and they are closing easily......yeee! So am gonna stick to plan....and i think i might just extend this plan to a whole month....but i will take it at seven days interval.....my 1st seven days are not done yet...so am gonna wait for that. Review it and see what to add...but i think i like the way am doing....so far so good.

I also remember reading somewhere where it said that it could sometime take the body up to a month to get used to the process of losing weight even though one hits ketosis in 5 days. That means that i will stay with vegies...mostly salad vegies and lean proteins. so if i add anything it will be along those lines....and maybe some coke zero and no cream. No wine..and almonds for another month...meh! But i will be okay....i will be happy with me.

Plan for tomorrow is to use eliptical and the rowing machine, call cindy and see when we can schedule and interview, go buy Danny a birthday card and maybe a game, if i have time use the computer....pick the boys up....take Andy for lacrosse...Stick to the eating plan.

[budilove]

I took extra celery with hot mayo last night....felt guilty...but i don't think anybody here will understand, coz am still recovering from my ED...but i did take extra lax after i took 1 senna...i took 4 calcium stuff....but thats better than before.....
I slept in today...so i did not workout...but i plan on using the eliptical this evening. I just hope Brian can be here by 5.30pm so that he can take Andy for his lacrose party, and also Danny. I will feel abit guilty if i do not workout. And i just don't want to work out with them around...not today.
Tomorrow is weigh in day..so i am just having lean proteins for today....no carbs apart from the sweetner found in coke zero. I will not row today..will try make up for it tomorrow.
Am still going on strong....day6 and i have not cheated per say....just added some coke zero. My body is sore...but i am to expect that..i want a sexy toned up body and that can only be achieved by vigorous working out....and thats am doing......gosh rowing is so hard....mannnn...eliptical is soooo easy. So i will take the easy way out this time...

[budilove]

I did use the eliptical machine for 100min or 1hr 40min. I remember sitting watching trying to relax after handling the boys for a while...thankfully Brian was back on time......so he took the boys out as i was trying to relax... having no energy...and wondering how i was gonna workout. But at 8pm....i found myself getting up to wear my workout bra and getting ready to workout. And i did. But i was pupped by the time the boys came back with Brian...but he still got me to workout some more.......Some issue here...but that goes to my private journal.....
So i woke up today and weighed myself....from Monday i have lost only 4lbs...sad but true....only thing that is comforting is that the clothes that could not fit me are fitting me now...pretty well actually......and am also doing weight bearing exercises.....amd muscle weighs more than fat, but takes less space than fat...so all in all am okay.
I have to use the rowing machine today....i don't want to lose my standing on the list...i mean i am in the top 500 round the world....i don't want to lose that.....and soon i will be getting my 1million prize sooon...i just gotta keep on going. Darn it Brian is getting his 2million prize...it's already in the mail....so i have to keep up with him....he is a blessing to me coz he motivates me to keep on working out. I just hope he does not burn out soon....coz he is okay....all muscular and all and am not.
So yea...i will put a movie and row to the movie...1,5-2 hrs would be great...but i will have to listen to my body. Plan is the boys will be gone till 10pm...so i will be on my own again...yeeeeee!
As for the eating plan...am gonna stick to it for another week. So it's another kimkins...combined with working out.
I have to limit my variety though....that is because i don't like food going bad ...and if i have a full fridge...it definately will make me eat stuff that is not in my plan.....the boys fridge can have whatever...but i never open that fridge so am kinda safe.
But i remember them offering me some water melon yesterday.....and i said no no no. If they offer me something else tonight....i will say no no no...
And anyway....Brian can tell it's working...he can see i it...feel it toooo

Anyway...am happy..everything is falling back to place...and am not complaining.
Shopping list: Tuna*2^4, eggs*3, Tofu*2^3, Celery*4, lettuce*3, coke zero*2. I still have some coffee and tea so am good.

I will not cheat this weekend.....i will stick to the plan....
I will weigh in again on monday and see how i did it's gonna be a great weekend....not so hot....not humid....excellent for me...yeeeeeeee!

[budilove]

In seven days i have lost only 5lbs sad...but it will not stop me....my clothes are fitting better and am feeling good. I wonder if am in ketosis...coz i am no longer craving food...i can tell when i am full....it's like am in control of food....something i have wanted for a long time. Yeeeee me. But it is sad to see 133.....i need to see atleast 125 then i'll feel atit bit better. But i geuse it's teaching me to be patient and persistent.

This weekend was different...had a misunderstanding with DBF.....am keeping away from his place for this week...which means i cannot row...even though he expects me to....i need the space. So that means that i need to work double hard on the eliptical machine....and use the free weights.
Plan is to do 60min on eliptical....100 crunches on the balance ball in the morning....then before i sleep..i do ~40min eliptical and 40-60min free weights....
As for the food thing...still tofu, tuna, eggs...i have added chicken breast if i have the heart for it......celery and lettuce.....water, green tea, black coffee, and some cokezero....if i lose another 5lbs this week i'd be happy.

I want to be done with 130's this week.....but i also need to remember muscle weighs more..but takes less space. But i want to weigh less too!

[budilove]

Today was wierd eating and general..i slept in and did not want to wake up...but did..decided to stay home..and work from here.
I did crave something different...like peanuts,,,,and i remember at around 1.30pm i was on my way to buy some when it hit me.....why cheat...you will feel guilty and compromise all the good work done already....so i decided to make me some spicy tofu...and it kinda worked.
I am worried though...i have drunk toooo much coke zero today...maybe that could be the reason why i had such a strong craving. I even chewed gum which is not allowed in my plan...but it is sugar free..so it will do.....
Now it is sooooooooooo hot but i still need to work out. I wish i could go out for a jog.....but i don't want the itchy and scratchy situation.
So yea..i will workout for 60++mins...some crunches only this time on the pilates mat. I will watch one of the movies as i work out.
I will workout...i will workout....i will work out......i will workout.....i will workout.....i will work out. I will workout...i will workout...i will workout....i will workout.

I try stop at woodies tomorow and see if i can pick up some deuretics(sp?), and some broccolli..and maybe some chicken/turkey????? I think if i increase what i can have in my plan..then my cravings and temptations will go away. Likely???? I just need to start learning and enjoying cooking.....coz that how am gonna make it. I just don't see any other way out. I geuse provided its edible by me..it will be okay. I am kinda getting bored of tuna...meh! Gosh i wish i could eat red....but the thought of it makes me gag...like nowyaaak!

Geuse i gotta live with what i can have....looks like this week will mostly be tofu...eggs...and maybe ch/tky...mmmm.

It's another day and i did it...food wise..i just need to work it off now!

I rememebr yesterday i did a total of 100min on eliptical and 60min on free weight and the band....oh well....i don't want to lose the momentum.....so i will workout will will workout.

[budilove]

I did 60 min eliptical...and 40 min weights....yeee me.
I don't wanna sleep in tomorrow....and i hope to do aleast 40min eliptical and some crunches before i start my day...then repeat tonight routine in the evening.

I think i might have to give up on coke zero..and instead start using diet rite....meeeh! Thats what am gonna get the next time i go grocery shopping which looks to be Saturday????

My drink of choice tomorrow is unsweetened iced green tea. I have some in the fridge already....will carry some with me for the day. I will try avoid coke zero tomorrow and see how i feel.

I am sleepy.....sweet dreams....

[budilove]

and i will keep it that way.
I woke up did 40 min eliptical, some crunches and squates. I have not drunk any diet soda.....and am not gonna......after all i have read and learned
.....and anyway...i did not like the bloated feeling. So i have mostly just had iced water and iced green tea...and that will be my drink of choice for now.

So far i have eaten some tuna and some eggs and some celery.....snack will probably be celery though i am mighty full.....might make some tofu tonigh???? and then i will do another 40min on eliptical...and concentrate on the weight coz.....i have to remember cardio burns calories....but weights and weight bearing exercise burn fat. I need to start empasising on weights.
Well lunch break almost done so i will update later...but i will have a wonderful day.

I was thinking earlier that it's about time i prepare for my TOM cravings coz i think the cravings start next week. For the cravings i will be making me some iced sugar free choclate drink with splenda and soy milk slender....only has 4 carbs in the soymilk....that it might not push hard.

Later

[budilove]

:
This is gonna be very very embarassing.....but i started a journal so that i could honest with myself. That will make it more easier for me to be honest with myself.
My day had started well....i worked out in the morning and stuck to plan...i had to run for an interview about 3:30pm....went well. Got Home...felt kinda hungry....got me some celery...made me some egg salad ( 4eggs, celery, 1tomato, some spices and some hot cayene pepper) Loved it. But i still wanted something more....so i got a can of tuna.....still not satisfied.....wondered why...found out that i was craving something sweet. Only thing sweet in my place at the moment was the coke zero that i was gonna give away.....But i did not want to take it coz i promised myself i wont. My splenda was done and i thought i did not need it so i had not restocked it when i went grocery shopping on saturday....but i had some davinci sugar free caramel syrup...that got me thinking. I have a bad relationship with flaxseedmeal. Most of the times it makes me sooo bloated it hurts....but i had some in the freezer..so decided to make some....
Okay now i am full....sugar craving gone..but.....but.....i broke the rules and had some flax seed...and and i went 400cal over my allowed calories.....and i just don't feel like doing my evening workout...that is not good...already feeling like crying coz......... i don't want to be fatter tomorrow I really hate ending my day on a bad note......

I will be rowing for an hour tomorrow...then do eliptical to start my day. I wonder if my TOM is about to????? I hate it but it's cost of being a woman

Pray for a better day tomorrow.....

[budilove]

Actually tomorrow is protein and only protein aka kimmer exp....same to friday coz my next grocery day is saturday,,,,but i will come up with the list on friday after weighing in......hope i can stick with kimmer exp till sunday...so i can see a good # on Monday's weigh in. Am scared of fridays weigh in but....better face the truth.....

I had lost weight...i was 115lbs last year....i had maintained it for 3-4 months...then i stopped weighing starting having one bite here and there,,,,did not want to weigh ..tired of 1-5 weight flactuations....and see where i am now.....am not gonna be weighing in everyday...just twice a week.
I also think i was thin but a thin fat person coz i avoided doing weights like a plague...meaning i only burned calories and not fat...so when i stopped exercising...i mainted more fat than muscle and thats why i gained this weight very easily.
I have now understood the importance of weight training...burns fat and not just calories....that is what i want.
I don't know what to do with Brian aka DBF...but he is insisting on me continuing to row....so am gonna coz it's for my own good.
I need some iced green tea for tomorrow off to boil the water....

[budilove]

Smuck me! What a lazy bum i am becoming. I slept in today...din't have time to workout....i haven't eaten anything...was thinking maybe i should try fight the hunger.....put i just remembered am low carbing....and hunger is not allowed. So i am making me some boiled eggs as i type....and maybe will have some tofu later???
Come to think about it...i should have learned by now of the bad consequences of starving=binging...on bad stuff....i don't want that...i am tired of fighting that aspect of MIA...so am gonna foght it the right way...if hungry eat...when not hungry don't eat but if its past 4 hrs ...i can have a boiled egg or something of that kind....this was make my metabolism not slow up....and my tummy happy.

As for working out...i will do that today..starting at around 6:30..watching a movie while using the eliptical trainer1.5hrs...after which i will do some crunches...squates...and maybe some weights????

Since i stopped taking my prozav...i have noticed that i sleep in alot....and am isolating myself some....nothing else...mmmmmmmm! Oh and am not interested in doing anything else apart from reading novels and being on line. That is just not right at all....but i don't waant to go back to prozac...bad thing my therapist left town for good...and am not gonna open up to anyother therapist.....and i hate visiting the doctors...Brian thinks i should atleast take some thing ...even if it's welbutrin.....which has not weight issues as does prozac...mmmmmmmmm. I'll think about it for now though.

[budilove]

I feel so not myself....my energy has dipped...and am kinda crappy...very boated. Geuse Tom is a week or so away.....meh! But that did not mean that i was not gonna workout....i did 60min on eliptical...but i just don't wanna do any crunches squates or weights. Bad but it could have been worse. Maybe when i wake up i will concentrate on the crunches squates and weights and do the eliptical in the evening.

I remeber going to walgreens to look for diuretics... din't get what i was looking for....came back home...decided to do some research.....only to find out that i have natural diuretics right here ar home. Water,Green tea, coffee, apple cide vinegar...woh! Celery, lettuce, i mean i think i will be okay....

But am scared of what the scale will say tomorrow....am crossing my fingers.

Eating wise...i have done well...i only wanted boiled eggs today...such a wierd craving.....but it's the perfect food so am not complaining.....i also drunk lots of green tea...and have had apple cide mixed with water since 6:30Hope to see a good # in the morning though.

I did not want to go to Brian's but atleast he knows i was working out....so he said if i was tooo tired i could sleep in my place...which i am gonna do. I mean i might take back the netflix video to him....but i want to come back to my place.....for my comfort.

[budilove]

I took one sleeping pill last night, and i think that is what made me wake up feeling rested. But we will have to wait and see about that.
I only lost 3lbs Imagine..only 3lbs....i am now at 130lbs even. I did not want to see that number...but the truth is something i can't change. I also think it's the begining of my pms....i am feeling crappy and really lazy....back aches....mmmm! Whatever!

i woke up today and focused on concentrating dong crunches, squates and free weights. I did 300+crunches, 160+ squates, and lots of weights. This took me 50min...I now only have to do 60+min on the eliptical...and if i can..add 30+more squates.

I have only had some herd boiled eggs...some green tea....and i also took three glasses of water mixed with apple cider vinegar. Funny, i went to the store to look for diuretics...yet i had the best natural kinds of diuretics in my place. Funny.


Well...gotta go now...be back later after working out or before....or both.

[budilove]

Okay ....so i did 40min on eliptical....It is soooooooo hot and humid...oh well atleast am burning some calories....and i should still be burning some fat from the morning weight and resistance workout.....i will start with resistance and weight workouts tomorrow.

Gotta rush shower and run to Brians...baby Danny is calling me...and i can't miss seeing his sweet hansome baby face.

Meeeeeh! Later....

[budilove]

I decided to fast on Saturday.....and yes i did not eat anything solid....i just had water. I woke up today-Sunday...feeling sore all over my body and my muscles aching. Decided to do an hour of weight resistance work out. I hope i could say with a guarantee that i was gonna use the eliptical trainer in the evening, but i will be hosting Brooks daughter...i am very very self-conscious....and i like the privacy. But we will see. I mean, she gonna be with me from tonight till wedesday afternoon. So if i count today..those will be 3days of missed workout....not good. But i'll see what i can do.
But that does not mean that i will not follow my eating plan. I will be getting her whatever she wants....but i will keep it lowcarb for me.
I have introduced oscar mayer's no fillers sausages into my diet....bad thing is that they contain alot of salt....for me anyway. That means i will be drinking apple cider vinegar mixed with water to reduce the effects of sodium.
One link has 130cal....i love how they taste....i will have to be careful with howmuch i eat in a day. Even scary is the fact that they are 84%fat......mmmm. I bought some today.....i will have to think really really hard before i buy another batch.....it is okay in Atkins.....but after being an atkins follower for 3+ years.....i notice i lose when i do lowcarb my way.....which is mostly made of Lean proteins.....some fat....very little carbs aka vegies...with occasional nuts and apples.
But i am shaking things alittle bit....increasing the fat....i wonder what the scale will say tomorrow.

I hope and wish that i could get atleast 40min of eliptical today. I really wish i could get that.
It's cloudy outside....very humid...not good...i think the rain should fall soon. It is very fuuny sometimes....i come from the tropical jungle....but i love spring and fall and would rather have 8months of winter that 3 months of summer.....because i can't stand the humidity. Maybe i should move to alaska or british colombia....aggggg!

I think i will be back to psych myself into 40min on eliptical.

[budilove]

IT is soooo hot and humid and sticky....can't afford the airconditioner just yet....but i will still use the eliptical trainer as planned. I will have 3 fans on me...that whould work.
Thanks to Brian..i explained how uncomfortable i was gonna be if whitney was here while i did my thing and he said he will take her out. So i gotta hurry and do something...this time i will put some music....it might be what i have been missing.
I have only drunk water mixed with apple cider...and lots of it, and i hope i see some change on the scale in the morning.
I have made up a plan for tomorrow and i hope to stick to it....somewhere close to that i geuse.
Well gotta go sweat and burn some cal/fat......

[budilove]

I have not been here for three days. I was not getting any connection....oh well.
I have failed myself in a really big way. It started on Teusday...at Brian's With some peanut butter and corn flat bread. But the real cheat was yesterday...it started with peanut butter and corn flat bread, lots of it. I took danny for cooking classes, went back to my place and did some crunches, squates, weights and i did jump rope....went picked up danny....was feeling full and was not planning on eating anymore.
But Brian said Lori was bringing in some brats....whict she did. So i ate a brat with no bread.....then had some potato salad....went for a second serving of potato salad. Oh my! Then wine...i think i had four glasses of white wine....then i indulged myself in some grapes. Oh my! I gotta say i am scared of stepping on the scale tomorrow....i don't want to.....but i think i have to even if am on pms.
I have been taking diuretics....and i do notice it has helped alot with the bloating...and i did notice also some blue...i have also been punishing myself each of those two dys with my ED stuff.....but since i am weighing myself in the morning i will have to use the eliptical machine....for 40-60min or more and also jump rope and do some squates.
Tomorrow will be the time i will seat down and come up with a plan that will help me deal with the Brian Issue. This is because there is a high posibility of me cheating on my plan when i go to his place.
Now i gotta have to go talk to him about another issue and maybe also mention this issue.
I am scared of weighing in tomorrow....i hope i have not done huge damage. My clothes still fit well, but i have to wait and see what the scale reads tomorrow and see how i feel.
Today, i have not cheated yet and i hope not to. I have only had scrambled eggs, chicken breast, some lettuce and i hope to keep it along those lines.....Gotta go see Brian now

[Dharma]

Just noticed your journal here and wanted to say hang in there!!

I can relate to a lot of your struggles....I have the same thing. Carbs really set me off and I have to keep them really low to keep cravings at bay. When I eat them I binge. And it can be hard to say no but watching the scale move down helps sometimes.

Have you checked out the Intermittent Fasting thread?? It may sound extreme, but there's a lot of good science behind it and it has made a huge difference in my appetite. It doesn't work for everyone and maybe is not recommended for someone with ED....so sorry if that's the case!

Hope everything works out with Brian too!

**Lisa**

[budilove]

Thanks Lisa for your support and advice. I can't really do the intermitent fasting..tried...failed miserably....but i do a weekly fast either saturday or sunday...

Yap i stepped on the scale and the world came crashing down on me. I am in my PMS, so the numbers could be related to that.....but i also know that i have been a bad gal and have cheated...so am gonna assume the weight thing is because of my cheating.
I remember feeling like throwing the towel in and saying **** it, but...i had just gotten the atkins Dvd. And though the plan was to watchthe dvd while i worked out, i din't. I was to heartbroken...beat emotional to workout, but i sat down and watched apart of it. Thank goodness for that, seeing the face of Dr. A...was humbling enough and i have decided i am gonna do it. I might have cheated...but i am not a failure....coz a failure is some one who does not get up after they fall. I have fallen, but i am dusting myself now...and am gonna keep on the journey to goood health, healthy weight, looking sexy and being comfortable with myself and my body image.
I am seated in Panera bread right now, i bought danny panini sandwitch, i got me some green tea....but the sandwiitch looks soooooooo good. I wish i wish i wish....but i want to lose the extra blubber that i have added this year....so no bread...no falling to temptation...i am strong. I know what i want and thats just it. I am gonna be strong.
When i go to Brian's i will mostly drink water...have tofu or eggs or tuna....maybe some celery/broccolli, and or coke zero. For now. And we will be going for grocery shopping so i am gonna pick stuff i can snack on.
I am not a failure...i am gonna do it. I will lose the blubber....

[budilove]

Danny can be such a headache. Oh well.
My weakness is being at Brian's . I always get the urge to snack at his place....and the reason for that is because they mostly eat the bigger part of their meals in the evening.....and they eat it in small potion several times. Like they could have some broccolli at 6.30pm, get some tuna or tofu at around 7.30..8pm, might have pasta or fruit at 9pm and then something else...mostly ice cream at 10pm. I am not used to this. When i am at my place...i usually have my meals spread out and am usually doeneating solid foods by 7pm. I have my protein and vegies together at 6.30pm and then i am done. But thats where the problem starts... coz Brian will call me and invite me for dinner mostly after i have h going grocery shopping togetherad the last bite of the day according to my plan. And I usually just say am gonna only have something to drink ...like coke zero...but he start's inticing me with some broccolli or celery...and then i fall into the trap.
Now that i have seen how i fall...i will be prepaired at all times. But i think this time i will be super ready coz we are grocery shopping together.

I will continue exercising....as usual.... And another thing is weighing myself. I might hate it...but until i get down 10lbs....i will be weinging everyday. It will put my spirits down...but it will keep me aware from the time i get up. I did it before and maybe thats why i was more commited to what i did. I will hate it....but i think i need to do that. I will talk to Brian some more tonight, i will not tell him the science behind what i am doing...or why...but i will ask me to make sure that what i eat is something that will not break my spirits...that is eggs, vegies, some bit of cheese, i will get my own kind of peanut butter. No ice cream...unless it's my kind of sugar free ice cream. And i am sure he will be okay with that. Coz anyway, i do remember before he gave me the ice cream, he asked if i was okay with that...and am the one who said yea. So i will tell him not to ask me if i want things that he knows i can't have, i will mostly be getting stuff for me....most of the time. so yea..that should work....
My weakness is also Panera bread....so from now on it's gonna be mostly bariques...if i need to go somewhere where i can get online. And also not as tempting as panera bread can be. .
I am also not gonna be counting the calories i put in my mouth any more...Maybe i night right down what i have eaten...but i will not bother with the calorie part of it. I am to eat the right food until i am full...i have to make sure it's the ri