Meganstarr's journal

[MeganStarr]

Looking back, who would have thought this is where I'd end up. I try to tell myself that I can do this...one day at a time. Unfortunately, each day i wake up and realize it won't be much different than the day before. But today, I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I've come to realize events in life happen for a reason. We have no control over certain things...they will happen regardless of what you do. Let me explain...

Long story short...When I was 14, I went boating with my step-dad. I ended up slipping and breaking my ankle. I had surgery to hold the bones back together with pins, screws, and a plate. When I was 18...I had them all removed because I could feel it hurting when I would walk. The doctor never mentioned any future problems...in fact he told me everything would be fine.

I went on with my life...went to college, got married, had kids, built a house...and gained lots of weight. In fact, my highest weight was 281 pounds. *Yikes* In 2002, my mom gave me Dr. Atkins book, which I followed perfectly and lost 130 pounds. I went from not being able to walk 10 minutes on a treadmill to running 5 miles a day. Not to mention karate, tae-bo, callanetics, and the daily firm videos. I was extremely happy with myself, loving life and what each new day brought to me.

In November 2006, I began to feel pain in my ankle. It was only slightly noticeable at first. As time went on, it began to hurt more and more everyday. I slowly gave up exercising and decided in February 2007 to get a refferal for an orthopedic doctor. I went 2/21, saw the x-rays, and cried. I had nothing but bones rubbing on bones. No wonder I was in so much pain. the doctor immedialtely put me on pain meds and scheduled surgery for me to have my ankle bones fused together. What?!?

It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. I was on bedrest for 2 long depressing months. I am still on crutches, but I can now put 40 pounds of pressure on my foot. At least it a start. My doctor says June 13th I should be able to put 80 pounds of pressure...and go up from there. I won't be able to run again and I will have to limit all my other activites depending on how it feels. I am only 29, so I will have to be careful for the rest of my life if I want to be able to walk when I am older.

I guess everything went way to fast for me. I never expected I would need surgery. I never expected how much my life was going to change once I did have surgery. All my friends slowly stopped comming over to visit....they also stopped calling to check up on me. It's not like I can do much anyway, but still. Who does that?!?

I am depressed. I found myself eating and eating and beacuse of barely any movement, I have gained weight back. I weighed myself this morning before I came back to this site for motivation. I know I can count on quite a few of you for the words of encouragement I need. I have gained 42.5 pounds...whew. I gave all my larger size clothes away, so I have nothing that fits. Go figure.

Thankfully, I have the best hubby in the world. He is more supportive than anyone I have ever met. Whenever I need encouragement, he's here to give me a hug or help me into the car to go for a drive. He took me shopping for new shorts the other day. As I fumbled through the sizes...going bigger and bigger, he just kept saying, "It doesn't matter what size you are hun. What matter is how good you look and feel about yourself." He had a point, but I always though I would be the one to not gain the weight back. You know, the one that says,"oh that'll never happen to me."

Thank you for reading this and allowing me to get some things off my mind. I know this time the journey will be shorter. I've lost more weight than anyone I know...so I know I can do it. I just have to stay strong mentally and be determined. I want to walk again, without crutches...I need to get some of this weight off so that I am able to do that!

Highest weight:281
Lowest weight:150
Current weight:192.5

[MeganStarr]

I made it through day 1...and I am down 3 pounds!!!!!!!! 189.5~How exciting!!! I ate very clean yesterday except we went to a baseball game sponsored by one of kenny's supply houses. They had so much food it was unbelieveable. I ate a hamburger, a brat, and a hot dog. I made sure I drank plenty of water throughout the day so that sodium wouldn't be a problem.

I also exercised. Woo hoo!! Kinda hard to do when you're on crutches and you can only put 40 pounds on one of your legs...but I am determined. I did my callanetics video. When it got to the standing parts other than the warm-ups...instead of fast forwarding, I did modified push-ups....100 of those babies!!! Go me go~

Today is a new day...I am very focused on what I will eat. I plan to make a huge crockpot of chicken and veggie stir-fry in a little while. There will more than enough left over so I can eat that over the weekend to keep me on track. I also plan to make a bunch of deviled eggs, using way more mustard than mayo. I will also whip up some egg salad and chicken salad. I know from past experience that if I have things I know I can eat and focused on those rather than what I shouldn't eat I stay on plan longer and my cravings(mostly mental) go away quicker. My toughest times are the weeknds. I notice with Kenny and the kids at home, I find myself snacking on the things they are eating.

Not this weekend. I will do this no matter what. I have such cute clothes in my closet. That was and still is my favorite part about losing weight. I was always the biggest person in our group of people. When I started losing weight, I gradually became the smallest...so everyone started giving me all their clothes. I never paid full price for anything and bought lots of name-brand clothes from thrift stores. I own about 15 pairs of jeans that I will fit in once I get this dumb boot off and can walk again. I promise myself!!!!

[MeganStarr]

Day 3
Well today, I woke to to my TOM. Not expected for another week...blah. I am up 2 pounds even though I ate clean yesterday and drank 190 ounces of water. I will now stop weighing myself for a few days until my body balances itself out. I am happy with only gaining 2 pounds...I usually gain anywhere from 5-9.

Today's menu will be:
B- 2 eggs, 2 pieces of bacon
l- 1/2 canned chicken, 1 tbsp mayo, lettuce leafs (made into roll-ups)
s- sf jello
d-chicken stir fry

I have a wedding to go to tonight, so I'm planning to eat before we get there. Nobody will notice if I just pick and push the food served around on my plate anyway. I've done that so many times before...people are usually so busy talking with each other, that they don't pay attention.

[4Madison]

Hi Megan,

Your story is so inspirational. You'll have the extra weight off in no time!! How long did it take you to lose the initial 130 lbs? I need to lose atleast 130 lbs over the next year. I'm planning on staying at induction levels the whole time.

[SugarDoll]

YOU are kicking butt, girl! you can, you will, YOU ARE doing this! always have faith in yourself.

i got sick in 2006, and gained back about 20 lbs. i was depressed for.. well, most of 2006 and the beginning of this year but now IM BACK and ready to get in better shape.. physically and mentally

we can do it!

[MeganStarr]

Originally Posted by 4Madison

Hi Megan,

Your story is so inspirational. How long did it take you to lose the initial 130 lbs?

What a wonderful way to wake up this morning. Thank you =) It actually took me about 3 years. I wasn't sure what weight I wanted to be at for goal. So I would lose 40 pounds or so, then slowly add carbs and other food back in. I would maintain like that for awhile just to make sure when I did start eating higher carbs again, my body could handle it and not gain weight back.

Then when I felt I needed to lose more weight, I would go back to induction and pretty much start all over again, just at a lower weight. I feel I looked at felt the best at 150 pounds...so that's where I'm trying to get back to. Unfortunately, being a stress eater and not being able to move around....I've found it really hard to get started and stay on course. I'm focused now and I know I can do it again! Thank you for your encouragement!

[MeganStarr]

Originally Posted by SugarDoll

YOU are kicking butt, girl! you can, you will, YOU ARE doing this! always have faith in yourself.

i got sick in 2006, and gained back about 20 lbs. i was depressed for.. well, most of 2006 and the beginning of this year but now IM BACK and ready to get in better shape.. physically and mentally

we can do it!

You're right hun, we can, we will, we are doing this!!! I've read many of your posts, I'm glad to hear that everything is smoothing out for you. Together we will come back stronger and in better shape...we deserve it!!!!

[MeganStarr]

Day 4

Such words of encouragement....thanks so much!!!
Yesterday was a pretty great day. I ate a big breakfast and didn't really have too much of an appetite after that. I was glad when I arrived at the wedding and they actually had food i could eat. I had a small salad with ranch, some cauliflower and broccoli with dip, and a half a piece of chicken breast. I also had a couple captain and diet cokes...but hey, I was having fun!!!

Today is kinda blah. I don't really have too much to accomplish...maybe watch some movies since it's raining. As far as eating goes...
B-2 eggs and 2 slices of bacon
l-chicken stir fry
s-sf jello and some celery sticks
d-pork rind nachos with lettuce, tomaotes, avocado, small amount of cheese and sour cream. Yum yum.

I finally go back to work tomorrow since the end of February. I love my job, so I'm not worried about that. I guess it's just the change in routine for me that will take getting used to. Im already planning to bring a big water bottle to make sure I drink enough throughout the day. I'm also packing snacks, like veggies, beef jerky, and hb eggs and bringing my own lunch so I won't be tempted by any of the snacks they have sitting around everywhere.
Everyone there knows how hard I worked to lose weight and they are one of my biggest support systems.

Have a great day, drink lots of water...and stay focused!!!
You can do this~

[wisnowbird]

Hey girl!! Thanks for visiting me on myspace Wow - you've come so far in your journey already. I'm sure you're going to have to motivation for that final push to goal

Good luck with going back to work

[MeganStarr]

Originally Posted by wisnowbird

Hey girl!! Thanks for visiting me on myspace Wow - you've come so far in your journey already. I'm sure you're going to have to motivation for that final push to goal

Good luck with going back to work

Hey hun~
No problem...I'll take friends and motivation when I can get it. I'm taking it one day at a time...it's easier to see the smaller picture that way!!!

[MeganStarr]

Day 5

Back to work today...blah!!! Actually it was very nice. I work as an OTA with developmentally disabled adults at a sheltered workshop(where they go to work). I love every minute of it....they make going to work so much fun. I was really surprised how many people noticed I was gone and told me they missed me. I received more hugs comming back to work by them, than I did leaving.

I am finally back to having no appetite. I'm not sure if it's ketosis kicking in or the fact I have so much on my mind...either way, I'm loving it.
I got myself back into my normal routine by starting out doing 5 a.m. callanetics. I'm still skipping the standing part obviously, but I managed 5 sets of 20 pushups in between the talking parts!!!

Menu today was great:
B-2 eggs, 3 slices bacon, 1 tbsp guacamole
l-sf jello, 1/2 cup canned chicken, 1 tbsp mayo, 3 small lettuce leaves, 1/2 cup cauliflower
s-none
d-chicken stir fry

Pretty boring, but I'm not hungry enough to get fancy. Time to go relax and play a game with the kids. Have a great night!!!!

[SugarDoll]

hey babe

how are you doing?