Meat Sandwich, Hold the Bread!

[NarcissisticFairy]

Well, here goes nothing!

After doing relatively well the past few weeks, I fell (or rather jumped) off the wagon over the weekend, so am hauling my butt back on, and getting back on plan.

Weighed in this morning at 187.

In 2003 I hit my lowest weight that I can remember of 153, after being 220 in August of 2002 when I began Atkins but then I struck abit of trouble. Suddenly I wasn't grossly overweight anymore. I didn't find myself quite so disgusting, and I got a social life! One thing lead to another and I gained half my lost weight back. Could've been worse, it could've been all and then some!

I'm grateful that in the past 4 years I still haven't got right back to where I began, but still dissapointed that I slipped as far as I did.

Have recommited to Atkins but am finding it muchtougher this time round, and the weight loss much slower! As a result of this, I find I'm watching calories alot more when I shouldn't be. Sooooo, I'm going to try, for just a week, to see if I can just stick to low carb and sod the calories. I manage to stay under 20gms of carbs quite well, but I'm still having issues with eating when I'm not really hungry. Or not eating and getting over hungry so I eat more than I should. Vicious circle!

My diet is relatively plain and I'm one of those people who has no problems eating the same thing over and over This time round however, I have a aprtner who , while supportive, still wants "normal" food to eat. I'm not going to force him to change though so do as best I can even cooking different things for us both. I only run into problems when he has bread in the house because I love bread! (Funny thing, it bloats me, makes me feel like crap, but I love it all the same!)

Wow, if I could stick to atkins as well as I write, I'd be at goal by now!

Progress photos may or may not appear along the way. I want to stay abit anonymous for the moment. I do however have a virtual model thing of my current weight. Just not sure how to upload it. Hmmmmm.

[FaithM.]

Narcissistic Fairy, hello and to the boards! I just began a journal of my own a few weeks ago. Won't see me around many other places much though as I only leave a comment or two here and there but I lurk a lot on the Main Lobby and Playground. Anyway, skimming the journals I noticed yours and other than being the same age I also noticed a couple of other similarites as far as eating habits go.

The part you mentioned about no longer being grossly overweight and becoming too comfortable, this is where I am right now. Not at my heaviest and lowest point so my skin's not crawling like it used to so I guess I have lost a little of that urgency and drive. Now struggling to regain control and not gain the weight back. Also, I have the same issues with eating when not hungry and going without too long/letting myself get way too hungry so I feel for you there!

Anyway, I want to wish you the best of luck back on plan. You will back to your lowest weight in no time!

[NarcissisticFairy]

Hi FaithM!
Thanks for the welcome. I too don't post much , just the odd comment here and there I tend to lurk all over the place, lol but mainly the main forum, and also have a quick look to see what new posts there are.
Am feeling relatively confident that if I did it once I can certainly do it again.
Good luck with your own journey, you've come a long way, and that is very inspiring!

[NarcissisticFairy]

Would love to say I lost 10 pounds over night, but no. I stupidly got my weigh in weight wrong yesterday I must've been 178. Today I was 177

I know I shouldn't weigh everyday. But I'm anal and need to do it, to keep myself in line.

Foodwise hasn't been too bad today, though calories were abit higher than what I've been having lately. (but I'm not counting calories am I?! )

Carbs ended up 14 (less if I took out fibre but can't be bothered)

Oh, and after being a complete and utter diet-coke-aholic (and then a zero-coke-aholic), I haven't had any for about a week now. Just water! Am feeling really quite proud of myself because I had a serious addiction to it, probably close to 2 litres a day

From now on its just water and good clean food........ though I'm trying to cut back on my cheese eating cause I love cheese too

I've often tried to work out just where/how I got these bad eating habits from. Growing up we were poorish, so meat wasn't plentiful, but potatoes and bread were! I was podgy but not too fat I don't think. However when I left home and began working, suddenly I could afford all the "treats" that other kids took for granted. (cakes, pies etc, you know the rubbish!) I guess I didn't want to miss out on the "good" food that I had missed out on my whole life.........

I hope that doesn't sound like I'm playing the blame game. My parents did the best they could, with what they could afford, but I can't help wondering if those treats were available when I was a kid, if I might not have thought they were so wonderful when I got older.

Then again, it might have made no difference whatsoever

[Lulu Belle]

Personally i don't think you're copping out "blaming" your parents. The fact is they shape our early choices. My parents had no problem letting us sit and eat a BIG bag of chips while watching tv. There was no moderation, no comments of "why not just have a bowl full, and save some for another time". I don't think you are so much blaming your parents, but more so recognizing the fact that they could have directed you better starting out!
Love the title of your journal!

[NarcissisticFairy]

Weighed in this morning at 176.8 Yes, the .8 is important I did actually expect a slight gain after eating so many calories yesterday. Have done pretty good today, though still not eating the 'right' amount of meals, but just trying to make small changes at the moment and not too much at one. I did have a tiny slip up at work. One of our suppliers had included 4 small lollies (sweets) in the box, so I ate them. They weren't even that nice I know I ate them because I was hungry and also because my immature male workmate was driving me nuts all day.

Then after work I had to stop at the supermarket to buy another cabbage and my partner said he wanted me to get him some coke zero, so I got a couple of bottles of that. I'm trying very hard to resist, as I was drinking way too much of it before. I have had one glass of it, , but thats all I will have, and keep glugging away at my water.

Calories were abit high again today, mainly because I ate a huge piece of steak. I also need to try to keep cheese relatively low. It's very easy for me to overdo it because I love cheese! I even started buying a cheaper brand, but its just as good! I'm trying to stay at around 2oz of cheese, and in a week or two I may try to cut it back even more. Its just another of those foods that my partner likes too, so don't feel that I can ban cheese from the house.

All in all, I'm still feeling quite positive about things, and have made it half way through the week. I should really decide on an official weigh day, even though I do weigh daily. Will mean I don't have to keep changing my profile every time I go up or down a few pounds!

[NarcissisticFairy]

175.4

I know its just water weight, but I'll take it all the same

Slightly higher in carbs today (about 17 if I remember rightly), so still at induction levels. Had a different breakfast this morning and ate more cheese than I should, including some cottage cheese, so will be interesting to see how that affects me.

Am itching to try making some revolution rolls, cause I miss bread so much! I'm going to wait til hubby is out playing golf, because last time I used the oven I had a small fire in it We've moved since then and now have a fire extinguisher I mainly use the microwave, stove top and electric frypan so have no real need to us the actual oven part (besides being abit scared!!)

Work was not as challenging today as the irritating workmate from yesterday was actually happy today, but almost too happy. I'm sure he's on something! He was almost bouncing off the walls. Yesterday he was so moody it was like working with a toddler who was having a tantrum.

Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week, yay! The weekend will bring about fresh challenges, because I will have access to food all day, but I'll do my best to resist. May make my "official" weigh in day be monday. That should keep me out of trouble!

[NarcissisticFairy]

174.3

Was a very long, slow day and I'm so glad the week is over! Think TOM is almost here, so expect I'll go up in the next day or two

Foodwise I've been doing quite well. Eating abit much cheese, , but trying to stay on plan. Today was 19 carbs (thats total, not net) so doing good. I'm also trying to cut back on the amount of meat I eat. In other words eating a 'normal' portion, not a huge one! Not only will it help my weight loss, but it'll also help my grocery bill. Could not believe how much I spent on meat tonight. I really should sit down and work out my fortnightly meals, so I know how much I need and can do it the cheapest way. My partner can of course have alot of non meat meals like macaroni cheese so that helps.

Had another small bottle of zero coke today (the smallest size you can get) Helped me make it through the day anyway!

I've also been trying to make sure I have my last meal by 7pm, and nothing afterwards. So thats helping as well. It doesn't hurt to go to bed feeling alittle hungry.

[NarcissisticFairy]

173.2

Just realised TOM is still a week away atleast. I think I didn't cook my mushrooms properly last night and it upset my stomach. I ended up in the toilet feeling like I was going to be sick any moment, with bad stomach cramps, but it soon passed thank goodness. I hate being sick.

I think dinner tonight will be abit carbier as I'm cooking sausages, and they have a premix added to them. Smell yummy though!

[FaithM.]

Wow, Fairy, you are really cookin'! It's fantastic to see you are doing so well!

Sorry to hear about the mushrooms making you sick. I'm glad it passed before it got too bad.

[NarcissisticFairy]

Thanks Faith

I'm expecting to be the same or gain a few tomorrow because I had a highish carb meal tonight. We needed to get rid of () some sausages that had been sitting in the freezer awhile and I didn't want to throw them out because we're on quite a tight budget. I didn't go overboard with what I ate though, so still feeling happy with my choices today. We have zero coke in the house so have had a couple of them today, but doing my best to keep up with the water.

My next real challenge will be to only weigh once a week, as I know I shouldn't really weigh every day.

My goal for the month is to get down to 169. I'm not really sure of a final finishing goal. Just want to take it one "chunk" at a time!

[FaithM.]

You sound just like me, LOL! Can't bear to throw out perfectly good food and well, sausages are a real weakness of mine. Sure, you might retain a little water due to the high sodium but it shouldn't hang around for long. Sounds like you are making really good choices. KUTGW!

[NarcissisticFairy]

172.4

I know it will slow down or stop soon, but right now I'm feeling pretty elated!

Here's where I admit that last night with my sausages I also had two slices of white bread I know I shouldn't have and I know it may still show up in my weight. The thing is, I know bread does not agree with me. I was tested for Coeliacs but the blood tests came back negative and I couldn't afford the gastrotomy or whatever its called to totally rule out a gluten sensitivty. I do know though I have a huge sensitivity to it. It bloats me and makes me get terrible indigestion, so I should avoid it like the plague (aside from the fact that it is NOT lowcarb!) I don't buy it for myself. The only time whe have bread in the house is when my partner wants it for his work lunches etc. I have mentally told myself that it is his bread, which helps keep me from eating it...... most of the time. If I feel like I'm having a temptation for bread I will tell him to take it to work with him or throw it out, because otherwise I will eat it all!

Hmmm, shows how guilty I'm feeling about 2 slices of bread, doesn't it. It was offplan, I ate it, I shall move on now.

Quite cold here today, but I do have the doors and windows open airing the house so that doesn't help. The canary is singing his little heart out so it's not bothering him. (He sings, and doesn't lay eggs, therefore we have decided he's a boy )

Just realised when I went to refill my water bottle that I am prowling again. I find myself doing it when I'm bored (and would normally go and look in the fridge for something to eat), but I'm not hungry! I'm glad I recognise it and can distract myself with water, or doing something else rather than eat food I don't need.

My plan for dinner tonight it probably another piece of steak (half the piece I had two nights ago), some mushrooms, cabbage and butter. I butter so much, almost as much as cheese. I'm convinced I could survive on just cheese and butter alone. I'm definately a dairy girl!

[NarcissisticFairy]

172.4

I did expect it to be the same or higher. I ate abit more fat yesterday, although carbs were still low, and of course I knew my loss would slow eventually.

No time to sit round here too long as I have a few things to do in town. Will update abit more later on.

[Lulu Belle]

You're doing a great job!!

[NarcissisticFairy]

Thanks Eileen

Tonight I had some fish for dinner with abit of cabbage, mushrooms and cheese. Hmmm, the cheese is almost at the point of being abit past it I think. It tasted alittle funky

Have been keeping up with my water intake, although I did have a can of zero coke today.

This has been a 3 day weekend here, so back to work tomorrow unfortunately. I really must get motivated job hunting. What I'm doing right now, even though its good hours and days, is boring and pays I feel that after 4 months doing it I've given it a decent go. I spent 6 years at my last job, and only left because things were getting worse and worse in regards to workload and looking after their staff. Problem is, I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up My ideal job would be one that I could do from home, involved the computer, and animals, and I could choose my own hours as long as I did 40 a week. That would rock!

Must get off now because I have a casserole to prepare in the slow cooker for tomorrow, and a few books that need reading

[NarcissisticFairy]

172.4

Just had a yummy casserole for dinner that has been in the slow cooker all day while I was at work. Sooo nice coming home to a meal already cooked and the house smelling nice. I made sure I didn't get any of the potato I had added to it (my partner got that), not alot of onion, but lots of yummy meat. It was so tender, considering it was cheap meat! I did add a packet of flavour mix to it, which was slightly highish in carbs, but not too bad for what it was (and I didn't have a huge lake of it on my plate.) I served it up with a spoon with holes in it. (Can never remember what they are called!)

Might have to look up some low carb soup recipies, as I miss having the thick yummy soup I used to make (has heaps of lentils etc in it)

[NarcissisticFairy]

171.9

Have otherwise had an absolute crappy day, and just as well I decided not to go to the supermarket on the way home because who knows what I would've bought! Work, and the people I work with, is bugging me big time. I almost feel like I've jumped from one bad job to another, although this one is atleast a day job after 6 years on nights! I feel I've tried really hard over the past 4 months to enjoy it, and parts of it I do enjoy, but the bad is starting to seriously outweigh the good I'm hesitant to find a new job again because we're very much dependant on my job now that we have a mortgage. When we were just renting, if one of us had no job, it might've made things abit tight but we would've managed. Now, if one of us lose our job, we're stuffed basically.

Never mind, I'm trying to be miss positivity and think that atleast I'm sticking to my diet plan while all of this stress occurs. I probably picked a very bad time of year to wean myself off antidepressants (under dr's advice). But I was feeling really good, and I know the signs of when I start needing them again, as I've been on and off before. Just with it being winter, it doesnt help. (I think sunlight is supposed to help raise peoples moods?) But we'll see. I just wanted my body to take a break from pills for awhile, especially since I'm sure they slow my weightloss.

Tomorrow I go for an appointment with a specialist to get my fibroids checked out. I discovered the lump in dec, got it looked at by the doctor in feb, and have been on the public waiting list since, cause I have no insurance and can't afford to go private! It hasn't seemed too long to wait though, which is good! Hopefully she can tell me what options I have in regards to treating them, and possibly having kids further along, although at 36 I'm running out of time (and we still aren't sure if we can afford them!) If I do have to have the biggest one out, then it will be onto another waiting list for surgery unfortunately.

[NarcissisticFairy]

171

I've had a couple of days where I went slightly offplan. This resulted in a wee gain, but then a wee loss

Just sitting here wondering what to cook for dinner tonight. Hubby is having Rice Rissotto, but I may cook sausages or something for me. Not very hungry right now though

[Lulu Belle]

Keep it up! (spoon with holes= slotted spoon)

[NarcissisticFairy]

171.7

I ate a sausage late last night that I didnt really need, which took my carbs up abit. Never mind.

It's freezing cold here today so that might help burn off abit of fat!

[NarcissisticFairy]

169.75

A small miracle considering what is going on in my life right now.

My younger sister had to have an emergency caeserian a month before due date, and ended up losing about 50% of the blood in her body. They basically took everything out, rearranged and repaired it and put it back in again. And at the same time we recieved the news that my partners 18 year old niece had been admitted to hospital with bad headaches and had been diagnosed with a brain tumour. Its still touch and go with her, as the tumour is in a very bad place, and any surgery they do will be extremely risky.

I have wanted to eat crap so badly! Especially as my partner is away this week. He drove straight up to be with her, and I couldn't go because we can't afford for me to be off work at the moment.

I'm hoping things will work out okay with her. My sister is now out of hospital thank goodness so one down and one to go.

I was going to be involved in the secret sister thing, but because I couldn't reply quick enough for them I am giving it up. I'm struggling to support myself at the moment, I don't have time to support anyone else.

[FaithM.]

I'm sorry to hear of the family problems! Sending hoping things start looking up.

A big CONGRATS on the weightloss and seeing 169!

[AuntieMame]

You're just having a terrible time. I hope things are getting better.