Phierce Phat Gurl

[lntmyh]

I promised myself that I would never be fat at 30.... hmm probably said the same thing about 20. I will be 32 in August and although I make no more promises I want this weight off of me.
I will be honest I did Atkins and lost 50lbs about a year ago. I gained it back and I am here to do it and more all over again. It works for me. It works pretty quickly for me as well.

I restarted on 5/18 and I am down 6lbs in 1 week. I have had my close calls but so far no cheats. This entire week has been a trying one it started with me taking my Mom to the emergency for chest pain. She has no insurance and in trying to get her some I made a horrid discovery, if you are over 191 lbs insurance can be super expensive or non existant. Lucky for my mother she left the hospital with a clean bill of health for her heart. Thank you Jesus.
The day she was discharged her mother (my grandmother) was sent to emergency. We were told she is dying my grandmother is 85 years old and has been bed-ridden for the last 3-4 years as well as having alzheimers, however it is still insane and unbelievable to know we are watching her die. Again this week has been stressful because at times like this I would always call on an old friend his name is Sweets.

Today I missed Sweets so badly I thought of something brand new to satisfy my desire for him. I mixed a 1/2 packof SF banana pudding into a 1/2 cup of sourcream ooh wee and it was good. I feel satisfied and I am so glad there was nothing in my cupboard that could make me crack under pressure.

So I know I eat out of stress. I know when I am having a problem with my relationship or my life is beating me up that I like to call on old Sweets.
Today I have won and thats all that matters at the moment.

[lntmyh]

I lost my grandmother on May 27th and as God would have it her son followed 2 days after. My mom found him dead in her spare bedroom on the 29th. We have had 3 deaths within 1 month, all immediate family and all separate incidents as the twin of my uncle preceded him in death on April 28th. I still don't know how I will be strong enough for my mom when we enter the church on Sunday where there will be 2 caskets 1 holding her mother and 1 holding her brother, especially since her other brother’s death is still so fresh and unreal to us all.

I decided I would not be able to maintain Atkins, I am not sure how you all do funerals but in our family people bring food and desserts and I will not lie I am not going to be able to resist any of it right now.

It is so odd to me that a mother and her twin sons would pass all within a month of each other. I trust God's plan though and I just pray my Mom will hold up just fine as she has exemplified the true meaning of honoring your mother. She has been my grandmother’s primary caretaker for the last 6-7 years, while she has suffered from Alzheimer and been bedridden. She also helped my Uncle who beat cancer twice and had a trachea in his throat. There were times when I wondered Dear God how much more on my mom but the saying is true God gives us no more than we can bear, he knew what she could handle and he released her.

I am afraid, I am afraid to see a small church with 2 caskets. I am afraid to see 2 hearses. I am afraid to see 3 fresh graves.
I am numb. I feel I just have to become this robot and I am afraid that this much death has made me cold.
Imagine if you will the shock! My grandmother and uncle were in the hospital simultaneously, both at opposite ends of the hall. The Drs. had told us grandma was passing, she was in the hospital 5 days. I laid with my mother in bed and answered a call from the hospital at 11:30 pm they asked for her and I heard her say my grandmothers name and that she had passed at 11:10 pm. All of our immediate family gathered and went to the hospital. We looked at her body she looked like she was sleeping. My Aunt said somebody has to tell our brother who was just a few doors down I volunteered to do so but instead my mother, aunt and myself walked down to his room. He was asleep she woke him and said you are surprised to see us, he nodded yes, she said you wonder why we are back so soon when we just left he nodded yes (he can't speak because of the trachea). She says Ma passed. He weeps. He weeps in his fetal position not loudly because he is not strong enough to do so, he weeps like someone who is grief stricken as he has been since he lost his twin brother last month. He is brought into the room to see her and his face shows what we all feel why so soon Lord? He goes back to his hospital room as we all go home as we know long days lie ahead and almost a week of them as it is Monday and the funeral will not be until Sunday. My uncle is discharged from the hospital on Monday May 28th. There are people visiting to comfort the family. He ends up going to bed later that evening (now he lives with my Aunt but he went to bed at my mothers house since this was where everything is held for my grandma) I remember going in the room it is actually where my grandmothers hospital bed is but he is in a twin bed that is in the room as well, I remember saying wow he seems to be sleeping real peacefully and his breathing is very relaxed for some1 with a trachea. I wake up and take my brothers car to the shop around 8:15 am. My cousin followed me because the car had to be left. Her car starts to make these really weird sounds when she brakes and she decides she will let her boyfriend have a look. He comes to the car and says I have some bad news for you all. Your uncle passed this morning. My cousin cries, I say, 3 God 3?? I tell her to get herself together as I think to my mother; it is on my mind did my mother find him??? Was he dead when I went into the room??? Our questions are answered when we arrive. Yes she found him; she being the strong woman she is even took his vitals to confirm he was dead. She was still sane. I must mention my mother found another brother of hers dead in her home (different place when we lived in NYC) same way though passed in his sleep about 28 years ago. He was however not dead when I went into the room as my other uncle said he heard him around 3am go to the bathroom and clean the trachea.

I admire my mothers’ strength; my fear is how strong can 1 person be? I just pray for the strength to be strong for her.

[Lulu Belle]

Oh my gosh. What a tragic month. Hugs and prayers to you and your family. I hope you can find comfort with each other. I'm so sorry.

[lntmyh]

Thank you Lulu.
God has been great to my family everyone was remarkably strong at the funeral. Hard days do lie ahead because now the crowds are gone and we really will begin to notice they are not coming back again but God will continue to bless us I am sure he has been a merciful and gracious God to us.

[hawkwife]

[lntmyh]

Well it has been forever since I have been here. Reading that post wow I am glad I wrote it.
I am back finally to try this weightloss thing again. I started Atkins on 2/29/08. I know odd on a Friday but hey who says you can't start when you want to. I sure as hell dont care if its a Friday when I gain weight lol.

I had a pretty good 1st day
2 egg beaters
2 turkey links
water

chicken salad
bed of greens & spinach leaves w/ green peeper slices
Diet Dr. Pepper

Heres where I goofed
cup of cabbage
1//2 cup cottage cheese
3 SF Jello Puddins
Water

I am proud of myself I resisted bagels & cream cheese and I drank 64 oz of water on my 1st day.

[lntmyh]

Todays eating well I did not eat until after 3pm and that is bad I know but I am starting my preparation.

So I will still call it breakfast

2 egg whites
2 turkey sausage patties
water

Snack SF jello Pudding Mocha