From Wheelchair to Tae-Bo...

[FaithM.]

Well, I am here finally to do what I have been gearing my mind up for quite some time to do which is to start a personal account of my weightloss journey! I had put it off for so long because the pure and simple idea of online writing frightened me. I have kept journals for more than half my life but up to now only wrote for myself. There is just something about letting known so much of myself, sort of publicly, that makes me feel like running away! I feel suddenly vulnerable but this is just another obstacle of many in my life that I would like to overcome.

The reason I named my journal what I did is because of a more major obstacle in my life I had to overcome. I reconsidered the title because of the bad memories it brings back for me and that I wish not to dwell but would much rather forget that time of my life but the fact of the matter is I feel I am here because of all that I went through. If I hadn't hit rock bottom the way I did and been completely stripped of my mobility, I honestly believe I would still be morbidly obese and, either still up near 300 or having bypassed that. I could still be using my mother's wheelchair and that stupid walker I was sent home from the hospital with!

Long story short, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia the end of 2005 after 8 + months of going through that hell. Anyway, no I haven't done Tae-Bo in quite a long time but this came from a comment I had written in my own journal last year after realizing that, Hey...here I am up doing kickboxing less than one year after I was lying drugged up in a hospital bed, having DH push me in that wheelchair!! Here I am, doing something that I hadn't even aimed to be doing back then, the only thing I was trying to do was stand up and walk across the room on my own! And, just to add, Tae-Bo is something else I want to get back into doing and very soon.

I will go into more about myself at a later time. For now I just wanted to hop to it and get this thing started before I allowed myself to rationalize its existence for yet another year, LOL!

Also, I need to make a public claim that today is my rededication to Lowcarb. I have made too many of these before now but it is clear that just stating this vow to myself hasn't been good enough. I did so much better last year when I had others rooting for me. I mean, I could lie to myself (and have often )but I cannot and will not lie to my friends! You guys know who ya are!

[FaithM.]

...my current weight as of this morning. I'll let this little guy give the idea of how I am feeling about that: This actually isn't bad though considering the kind of day I had yesterday. Took my sis to Cracker Barrel for a combo "Girl's timeout" for her bday/Mother's Day for me and I'm afraid I relaxed a bit too much! Much to my astonishment I was down 1 lb from yesterday but I will not be surprised if last afternoon's "sin" doesn't show up until tomorrow morning. In fact, I am expecting it so I won't let myself be too upset if that happens.

My all-time low weight since beginning January 10, 2006 was 159. I want to focus on getting back down to that and the sooner the better! Our cozy little Family of 7 is due to fly out to Florida for Disney World in exactly 3.5 weeks and I do not want to be bloated and uncomfortable in these jeans that are larger than the ones I was wearing before! If I can just be somewhere in the 160's by the day of departure (June 6) then I will be satisfied with that.

[FaithM.]

Down 2 lbs. this morning. That's good for a start! Here is my menu from yesterday:

Brunch -- (slept in/ate late in morning):
grilled flounder w/mayo
2 long celery stalks w/cream cheese
deviled egg half sprinkled w/bacon bits

Late lunch, Early dinner --
Green salad w/grilled chicken & ranch
about 1 oz shred cheddar

Snack -- deviled egg half
(not eating past 6:30 pm, so ate early and lite)

All beverages consumed for the day:
WATER (I don't usually keep track but I always get in anywhere from 64oz - 80 oz daily in addition to any Xtras)
2 coffees w/cream & splenda
.5 coke plus
diet DP
grn tea packets (2)

WORKOUT? Y...treadmill...35 min./floor exercises. Jogged about 25 minutes of that, a little over 1.75 miles.

Also, managed to stick to my no-eating-past-6:30 pm rule but it was harder because I am just now entering detox mode. I'll be shooting for the same tonight too but will try to stay flexible with myself, at least until I have hit good 'ol ketosis!

[FaithM.]

I think we need to hire us a new Tooth Fairy and fire this one because lately she has been slacking and more absent minded than ever! DD5 lost her first tooth last night and her elder brother had 2 he had recently lost so I let them both put theirs under their pillows last night. Well, it appears that DS got his sister's $1 bill and DD got the $2. Now how did that happen?! And just when I went up to check in DD's room the door creaked and her eyes fluttered open. Poor thing, she is gonna be so disappointed when she finds out she isn't going to get to keep that extra buck.

[Tracey40]

Faith
I'm glad to see you are journaling. I think that when you put the words done and can honestly see what you want and how to get there, it does help!!!
No one deserves it more sweetie!!!

I'm here to cheer for ya!

Now about that toothfairy who had a cold and was confused.....

[FaithM.]

My first visitor! Thanks so much for stopping by Tracey! I think you're right, once we get those thoughts out in writing and have everything laid out before us we get a clearer picture of what goals are/are not being met. And all the harder to slip into any sort of denial, which I tend to be bad about!

...At the defense of the Toothfairy, LOL, I found DS's other dollar bill tangled up in his bedsheets so all is well and no disappointment on DD's part. Whew! Tho given the past and my tendency of getting easily distracted it would not have been beyond me to make such a mistake. I have actually forgotten to put the money under the pillow a time or two! Talk about feeling like Mom of the Year...not!

[mmam5]

Hey Faith!

Wooo hoooo here you go!!!! I'm so proud of you and all you've accomplished... you probably didn't know you were an inspiration to others

Hi Tracey! Good to see you tooo!

The toothfairy at our house sometimes waits until there are a few teeth to pickup at one time...

Just think about where you'll be NEXT year at this time... I found my old journal today - must have started it May 1, last year .... made many changes since that time... and you will too Faith! You can do this

[FaithM.]

Marci!! It's great that you came by! Speaking of inspiration...look at you! I have seen your pictures and all I can say is if I look anywhere close to what you do by this time next year I will probably faint. And I like reading back on all my old journals too just to see where I was at that time and how far I have come. Oftentimes we don't even realize!

I did great on my menu yesterday and I'm down another 4 lbs. this morning to 176! Thing that surprises me the most is this is me not even fasting-fasting, just eating sensibly and not eating past 6:30 the past 2 evenings. I think it's that I have gone off plan so much and fallen into these horrible binges for so long that just the consistency is going to get me back into losing again. Initial water weight and all--I don't care, it is all weightiness and bloat off this body of mine!

OK, my menu from yesterday:

B -- deviled egg half
about 1 oz rotiss. chkn, skinless

S -- deviled egg half sprinkled w/bacon bits

L -- grilled pork chop w/ranch
fresh mushrooms, sauteed

S -- deviled egg half w/bacon bits
3 stalks celery w/cream cheese

D -- chicken salad/ranch/leftover mushrooms
(no eating past 6:30 pm)

BEVS for the day:
WATER
2 Coffees w/cream & fr. vanilla splenda
grn tea packets (2)
diet coke plus
"cafe latte" (coffee mixed w/vanilla Atkins shake/cinnamon
diet DP & cream "float"
choc. senna tea w/splenda

WORKOUT? Y...biking outdoors...25 min./floor exercises

On the total beverages for the day, this is quite high on the AS's even for what I normally do. I've been relying heavily on them as they are oftentimes what get me thru the day, otherwise I will just sit and eat even if I am not the slightest bit hungry. And yesterday was one of those days I had a hard time refraining from just mindless nibbling. Still, I'm going to be extra attentive and try to limit those today.

[FaithM.]

Well, I have been wanting to put a little history down in here about myself but it is a lot of writing so maybe I will do a bit at a time. I am 36, happily married to DH for 16 years and we have 5 children ages 5, 8, 10, 13, 15. DH is an active reservist in the Air Force. All that means is he is normally a reservist with a regular civilian job but after 911 happened he was upped to Active status. So, for the majority of these past 5.5 years I have been kind of like a part-time single mom. DH is currently stationed in-state yet just far enough away to keep him gone all week so he only gets to drive home most weekends. We are so used to the routine now that by the time he is due to get deactivated this Fall it will be a major adjustment just seeing him everyday again. Even though I will be resuming employment by the time that happens. Major adjustments along the way to be coming!

For any who may be interested, I lost the majority of my weight last year by doing a combination of Atkins/Fasting/Stillman's/KE/ME. I kept changing it up. This helped keep the process from becoming so monotonous as I get bored easily. I dropped my first 50 lbs. within the first 4 months of starting on 1/10/06 and that was following Atkins to the letter. The bulk of my weight came off though after I discovered fasting at the end of May '06 but, as mentioned above, it was a combination of plans and not entirely fasting. No, I don't regret it. Yes, I learned a lot from the experiences. For those of us who fast or have fasted we have our reasons for doing so, have done our research on it and I will just leave it at that. I have kept most of it off but only by being very attentive. I stayed in the 160's for about 3 months before I started creeping back up but that is only because I let myself get discouraged and took my focus off the prize for awhile...but is back on now!

[FaithM.]

There is one meaningful and fascinating topic of discussion that has been brought up here & there: breaking points! We all have had one, that "moment of truth", at one time or another. That "lowest low" that changes us and that is when it hits you that you MUST do something NOW, not later!

MY lowest low came in 2005, when I was 34 and spent 8 months in a wheelchair and confined to a hospital bed in our living room after some mysterious crippling illness caused my legs and feet to swell to the point of it completely stripping me of my mobility! We had just relocated our Family of 7 three months prior to a new city, made 2 major moves within 2 months (right at the Holidays). All seemed fine and well. Hectic as hell, but nothing that didn't come with the territory due to the situation.

A few mornings after suffering a bad bout of Strep with severe chills, migraines, and 103 fever, I noticed my legs covered in bruises and the side of my right foot was swollen and painful to touch. Another couple of mornings later I was in severe agony and could not even move it or stand on it! DH had taken me to the ER and I had X-rays done but nothing out of the ordinary showed up. The doctors concluded I must have sprained my ankle without realizing it (?), wrapped it in an ace bandage and sent me home. I used crutches for a day or so before I noticed my other ankle starting to swell up as well. By the day after I couldn't use the crutches at all...I was having
to crawl across the floor! Suddenly, here we were in our new 2 story house with stairs I couldn't climb, unable to stand or walk, and eventually I had become barely able to sit up on my own because I had become so weak!

After numerous visits to my physician over the next few weeks, I was diagnosed with a skin condition called "Erythema Nodosum". I was put on Prednisone but then had to be taken off of it as I was discovered to be pre-diabetic and the meds were causing my blood sugar to skyrocket to abnormal levels. Still as I was getting worse, in constant pain, and becoming weaker, each time I was sent back home, told to "ride it out" and let it go away on its own...

[FaithM.]

I spent nearly that entire month flat on my back, knocked out all day on Hydrocodone even as I had my 5 kids to myself with DH military and only able to be home with us on the weekends. I had barely enough strength to crawl from the sofa to the bathroom and back. I was unable to care for my children, they were having to help take care of me and each other then DH began having to miss work left and right just so he could be home to assist! I was doped up all the time on painkillers, in even more severe agony, could barely lift myself off the sofa to crawl to the bathroom. And too, my arms had begun to swell as well before I was finally deemed ill enough to be admitted into the hospital. And that was after DH had me rushed back to the ER! (sorry, but I am a bit resentful toward the medical staff who I feel
consistently ignored my worsening physical state!).

After 5 days in the hospital and countless tests run, docs and specialists were still unable to diagnose or determine just what had caused my body to give out on me. None of them believed it was all caused as a result of just the Erythema Nodosum. They were baffled! All they could tell me at that point was that it wasn't going to be an overnight thing and recovery would likely take many more months. I was their "experimental case". Since I was unable to be on the Prednisone (which they would normally have treated me with), I was put on a different anti-inflammatory along with other meds to try to relieve the pain and swelling. When I got discharged from the hospital, Home Health Care had arranged for me to be sent me home with a walker and hospital bed to recover at home in. I spent the rest of the year being taken on and off experimental drugs and numerous other anti-inflammatories in hopes that one would work for me. During that time my weight had shot up from about 275 to my all time high in December '05 which came to be 298!

My mom had just suffered a massive stroke the year before that has to this day left her an invalid and completely paralyzed on her entire right side. The realization that both my mom and I were completely debilitated and in hospital beds at the same time, on some of the same meds even, and here I was borrowing her wheelchair...that just hit way too close to home for me!

I will in no way try to compare my illness to what my mom has been going through but if nothing else screams, "Hey, get your act together, get the weight off, and get healthy now" ...that one sure did it for me!

Eventually my Rheumatologist diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. I am still wondering though if that is all that was the cause of my pain & suffering or whether it was something else that has yet to be diagnosed. I have been told before that the diagnosis of FMS can sometimes be a mask to deeper underlying complications. At this point today, that is all I have to go on. I have continued on the up & up since then so that is an excellent sign, right?

Thanks for reading!

[FaithM.]

So, I know along the way that many may, or may have, questioned why I have chosen the avenue that I have to lose my weight and some may wonder why I seem so desperate to hurry and get the weight off. It is because I am scared crapless to be knocked back down again with whatever mysterious illness it was that disabled and made me so sick! I experienced just how much more agonizing it was going through all that while obese. I knew the sooner I got my weight under control the better, and the less likely I am to relapse. And if, heaven forbid, that were to happen I would much rather be at 150 lbs. than 250! Somedays I feel as though I am on borrowed time. You can seem fine and well, an independent person one day then sick, bedridden, and totally dependent on everyone around you the next. I have lived through that! I have come out of the experience with both the good and the bad; the bad being the obvious, the good being that if all this had never happened to me and I hadn't reached my full-out breaking point, to this day I would probably still be right where I was--spinning my wheels, obese & still hating myself, with never enough incentive to take the weight off and get healthy for life.

[mmam5]

I for one, Faith, am soooo happy that you found LCF and that we found you!

[FaithM.]

{{{{Great Big Bear Hugs Marci!!}}}} Thank you. That is very sweet of you!

[FaithM.]

Today marks my 4th day back on plan! Was down another 2 lbs. this morning. I'm so excited because last time I fasted down to this weight, just a week or so ago in fact, and it still amazes me that I can eat and still lose. What a concept, ha!

I've been really feeling the effects of detox the past couple of nights, feeling drained among other things, and have been going to bed early...for me, that is...and I was out by midnight this morning tho I still slept extra restlessly. I'm an insomniac, have been for as long as I can remember, so going to bed anytime before 4 am and staying asleep is virtually nonexistent a routine in my life. This morning I have a lingering headache, exhausted, and had a difficult time waking the boys up for school. It takes me forever to get up out of bed myself but it takes them even longer and I thought I was going to faint standing at their bunk constantly stirring them awake. Maybe a slight exaggeration but I could have easily passed back out in bed and not moved for awhile.

My menu from yesterday:

B -- 2 deviled egg halves

S -- celery stalk w/cream cheese
deviled egg half

L -- grilled pork chop w/ranch
sauteed mushrooms

D -- chicken salad
broccoli florets w/ranch
(no eating past 6 pm)

BEVS:
WATER
cafe latte w/cinnamon
diet DP
snow cone/sf caramel DaVinci
diet RB & cream "float"

WORKOUT? Y...biking outdoors...25 min./floor exerc.

I think I did better with the limiting of sf additives in my beverages. At this point I am not worrying with cutting them out completely, I will work on that later, once my weight is down and I have escaped this YoYo syndrome. I have done it before so I know I can do it again but right now consistency and sticking with the plan is my priority and these help me with that.

I finished my last meal by 6 pm rather than 6:30. I was no longer hungry so I decided that was it for the day. I would love to be more flexible as far as nighttime and meals are concerned but I know myself well and I will take a mile if given an inch. Evenings have always been a struggle for me. I have found that the majority of the time anything I eat after 6:30 or 7 pm is out of habit and not true hunger. Then come the binges because at that point I am never satisfied with some little something. Trust me, at that time of the day I am much better off with nothing.

[FaithM.]

Alrighty...I need to improve on my proofreading skills, lol! Editing is another nasty habit of mine.

[FaithM.]

I am dog tired! All I want to do is go back to bed but that's not happening. I just got 2 kids off to school, have 2 more to see off, and 1 to do homeschooling studies with. Then I'm making a short trip out of town to run some quick errands.

Oh yeah, and it is 20 days from today till we leave for DisneyWorld!!

My weight stayed the same, 174 this morning. I worked my butt off on the treadmill yesterday so I ate more when dinner rolled around, I was famished! Although it might not look like much, it was plenty! Plus it is TOM. The fact that I didn't gain is enough to celebrate.

Yesterday's Menu:

B -- deviled egg half
turkey-mayo rollups

S -- devld egg half

L -- steakumms w/sauteed mushrooms/ranch
2 stalks celery w/cream cheese

S -- devld egg half

D -- turkey-avocado rollups (avocado + sour cream)
devld egg half
(no eating past 6:30 pm)

BEVS:
WATER
2 coffees w/cream & fr. vanilla splenda
grn tea packets (2)
diet DP
snow cone/sf caramel DaVinci

WORKOUT? Y...treadmill...37 min walk/jog, floor exerc.

Not eating late into the evening was difficult last night. I wasn't all that hungry really, I just had the munchies. The absolute worst thing I could think of was to give into them.

Going to get DS up for school now...

[FaithM.]

Feeling a little more energetic for this time of the morning. Headache is gone. Come to think of it, induction hasn't really been all that intolerable this go around, outside of the extreme fatigue which tends to come and go. I was ready for bed super early last night but didn't actually get to sleep to nearly 1 am.

Yesterday's menu:

B -- deviled egg half w/bacon bits
leftover turkey-avocado rollups

S -- deviled egg half

L -- steakumms w/sauteed mushrooms/ranch
iceberg salad, bacon bits, ranch

S -- turkey-mayo rollups
2 deviled egg halves
(no eating past 6 pm)

BEVS:
WATER
3 c. coffee w/cream & splenda
cafe latte
diet DP
grn tea packets (2)

WORKOUT? Y...biking outdoors...30 min.

I am questioning the steakumms and whether they have been promoting the cravings. I'm fine until I eat them and then I just want to keep eating as though I cannot get satisfied. Not having any of those today so to see how that goes. I know the turkey breast doesn't help either because it is the luncheon type and I'm sure the sodium and additives in those things are best left untouched but this is a quick, easy favorite of mine. Figures. But that's also why I keep boiled/deviled eggs and celery fixed up. All I have to do is grab one or the other when I need something to munch on.

I was down another lb. this morning but most likely as I didn't eat anything past 6 pm. Yesterday was tough because all I could think about was how I just wanted to eat. And eat. And eat. Yet I resisted whereas many times before I just didn't possess the control. I wonder what is so different about me now...and at other times like these as opposed to when I am not able to stop.

[mmam5]

Originally Posted by FaithM.

I am questioning the steakumms and whether they have been promoting the cravings. I'm fine until I eat them and then I just want to keep eating as though I cannot get satisfied.

Wooo hooo Faith!!!! So glad you're hanging in there and getting a handle on things.. You CAN do this, you know you can!

Know what you mean on some of the prepared meats/foods... easy to use, but what's really in them??

Maybe this next week get some ground turkey or chix breasts and cook it up on Sunday... then bag it all up into individual serving sizes for the week. I do that just about every weekend now and it sure as heck saves time and energy... plus I know exactly what's in the meat.. KWIM?

[FaithM.]

Marci! Thanks for cheering me on! I truly need it! I like the suggestion of pre-cooking the ground turkey and chicken breast. I buy these pre-packaged cuts of chicken breast and also flounder for storing in the freezer. All I have to do is take one out and pop into the oven. Very convenient and has saved me many times. For some odd reason, ground turkey induces cravings in me like crazy. And it is one of my favorites too. Now suddenly I am wanting turkey burgers really badly! lol

Yep, those processed meats are only good on occasion. You can pretty much guess what is in them, hidden sugars, a ton of sodium...WHY does turkey breast and what-not have dextrose in it?!

I'm constantly trying to think in terms of quick, simple, and convenient yet don't want to stray too far from natural. Eggs, chicken, fish, fresh veggies...can't go wrong there!

[FaithM.]

Menu for yesterday:

B -- celery stalk w/cream cheese
egg salad/bacon bits

L -- grilled flounder w/mayo
celery stalk w/cream cheese

S -- broccoli florets w/ranch
egg salad/bacon bits

D -- tuna salad,
iceberg lettuce/ranch/bacon bits
.5 c. spinach

S -- celery stalk w/cream cheese

BEVS:
WATER
cafe latte w/cinnamon
diet DP
grn tea packet (1)
vanilla coke zero

WORKOUT? N

WT: 174

My cut off time for eating ended up being 10 pm. I didn't feel up to fighting the issue in my head all night so I went ahead and extended my dinner time. Fridays always tend to be the most difficult for me as that is the day DH comes home so I am always wanting to eat with the whole family together. At least I stuck with veggies for the last of what I ate which is very unusual for me actually. Due to this and eating so late I was up a lb.

We have this no sugar added rocky road ice cream up in the freezer from when I had bought it last week and it was calling out to me like crazy but I managed to resist it. I keep dreaming of the lower number on the scale I will see that I could completely forget about if I decided to start pigging out on that crap again! I ought to just wash the rest of it down the drain.

[FaithM.]

I feel like crap. Times like this when the lack of sleep catches up with me. *sighs* Even worse, the scale is up 3 lbs. from 172 yesterday because I ate so dang late and was wide awake sucking down water till past 4 a.m. Working out later than I liked then sitting down to a salad large enough for 2 or 3 people didn't help. Working out just flat out makes me hungry, that combined with the post 6 pm eating...let's not even go there!

We were on the road most of the weekend house hunting so my routine was thrown off a bit! Saturday my total cals for the day were miniscule. Having been out & about the easiest thing to grab at the end of the day was some mixed nuts from the convenient store. Anyway, DH's prospects at that new job he's been shooting for have been looking very promising so we may be having a lot more weekends like this one. The thought of putting another house up for sale and relocating the family again after less than 3 years doesn't exactly thrill me but to tell you the truth we have been in limbo with this for so long I just want to get where we're needing to go and get on with our lives already!

Saturday's Menu:

Brunch -- grilled chicken w/ranch

S -- celery stalk w/cream cheese
grilled chicken cubes, plain

D -- skipped

S -- mixed nuts

BEVS:
WATER
grn tea packet (1)
diet coke
.5 vanilla coke zero

WORKOUT? N


Sunday's Menu:

B -- turkey-avocado rollups

L -- grilled chicken/ranch
slice tomato

D -- salad w/grilled chicken/ranch
shred cheddar/bacon bits

S -- celery stalk/cream cheese
turkey-avocado rollups

BEVS:
WATER
2 c. coffee w/cream & splenda
diet coke
diet vanilla coke zero
.5 coke zero

WORKOUT? Y...treadmill...35 min. walk/jog//floor exercises


...As soon as the last kiddo is off to school I am crashing! Or will be trying to.