From Wheelchair to Tae-Bo...

[Blondie Baby]

Faith how you doing? Is everything ok?

[Tracey40]

Where is that girl???

Faith - come on out!!

Maryam - what is on your feet? LOL

[Blondie Baby]

Tracey - These are the slippers my boys gave me for my birthday! aren't they great!

Faith where are you?

[Tracey40]

Those are great!!! LOL

Faith - where are you???

[mmam5]

Woo hoo - Come out come out where-ever you are?!!!

I think she's taking a break from us ...

[islandgirl.de]

I just finished reading your entire journal. I just want to say how great you are for sharing all your ups and downs. You should be so proud of yourself for, not only how far you've come, but for your willingness to brush yourself off and try again.

We have all struggled with choices (and some still do...ahem... like me), it's the reason most of us are on this board. It's about support, belonging, and being able to relate to others like you. Just remember to forgive yourself the poor choices, focus on making better choices, and praise yourself heavily when you make the great choices.

Thank you so much for putting so much of yourself out there. Don't give up. Believe in yourself.

P.S. I love your avi pic. It makes me smile.

[nicsweed]

faithy-pooh! it has been a week are you 'MIA'??? HOPE YOUR DOING WELL-NIC

[FaithM.]

I'm back!! Thank you guys so much for caring and checking in on me. You all brought to my eyes! Yes, I was taking a little break (but not from you guys) and been still feeling down. There has been so much going on with the obvious, the house, DH's job, etc. and I let it all get to me probably more than I should have. We are about to put this home, which to us is perfect in everyway, on the market. All the houses we have looked at have something or other we are not satisfied with. I am comparing every house we look at with ours and most of them don't measure up in my eyes. It's either a terrific house with a sucky yard or a terrific yard with a sucky house. OK that isn't fair...all the homes are really nice but the ones we can afford always seem to be lacking in something or other. *pulls hair out* Understand, this isn't "just a house" this will be "our home" and we are giving up a lot in this one that we "built" together. I just got so pissed off about everything one day and then couldn't stop crying.

The weight thing *sigh* guess I just needed to take a breather to sort things out in my mind. I don't mind sharing the emotional stuff because I think it is therapeutic to "get it out" but for just a bit I needed to keep things to myself and figure out exactly what I need and I want for myself. Hope that doesn't sound bad the way I put it. It can be overwhelming at times with all the advice around the board that oftentimes it is easy to get confused. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

Islandgirl -- to my journal and I appreciate the time you spent reading thru it...what a task, huh?! *whew* I agree that support is monumental to success for each and everyone of us. One thing I've needed to work on is my habit of becoming silent and laying low at those times I struggle the most...I believe it is those times when we are in need of the support more than ever.


Oh, and btw...Thank You all for the sweet compliments on my picture! You guys really lifted my spirits. I am much more willing to have my pics taken since losing a lot of the weight but noticed I am still very critical of how I look in them. In this one at Disney I had no makeup on and my hair is a bit on the lifeless side, LOL!

ETA: Tracey asked this and no, I'm not a natural brunette. I couldn't honestly say anymore what my natural color is, LOL because I've kept it colored for so long (and I've got grey to hide believe it or not ) but it is somewhere between the dark you see here and the blonde you saw in the other one.

[Blondie Baby]

Faith!!!! Good to see you! I was getting a little worried about you! I know how it is when LIFE catches up with you! It can be overwhelming, especially with all the kids to deal with, on top of everything! Glad your back and looking forward to hearing what your new plan will be.

[islandgirl.de]

Faith! I'm so glad you're back!

Oh, boy, do I know how hard it is to move away from a place you love. I've moved around quite a bit. I guess you could say I'm semi-nomadic. I've finally settled down, I think... but there were times I would get so frustrated with moving. It's hard to find that perfect place. BUT... even though you'll miss certain things about the house you sell, the new house you're buying will eventually become your home. It may take some time... (I struggle with patience ) but eventually, you will start making memories there with your family. You will fix it, and put love into it, and you will come to love it despite whatever it may be lacking... BECAUSE it's where your heart is. Hang in there, sweetie.

It is cathartic to get out all that emotional stuff. Even if you're taking a break to figure out what's right for you... you can still post about other stuff until you find out what that is. Don't let anyone or anything tell you what's right or wrong, good or bad, for YOU! You are a smart woman. Trust yourself. Do some research on your own. Think about what you would tell your best friend if she were you. Then tell it to yourself. Changing your lifestyle is a very personal choice. It takes time (trust me, I know) to come to that "ah-ha" point... where you can say: "THIS feels right, THIS feels good!"

Remember: (and I even forget this sometimes!) The focus should be on ones health, not just the number on the scale.

Take as much time as you need... no matter what anyone says! You are a smart, wonderful, amazing woman! Believe in yourself, always!

[FaithM.]

Maryam and I-girl!

Maryam, it's so true it is all the more challenging when you add the kids to the mix. Especially when it comes to mealtimes and I'm preparing them things that are definitely not on my plan! Then to have them turn their noses up at things I would practically kill for, LOL! OH and btw, I love those slippers too! They look so comfy.

I-Girl, thank you so much for your sweet, inspiring words! They mean so much to me. And you're right, I need to listen to my heart more and trust in myself that I will do what is the right thing for me. And focusing on health vs. weight is very easy to forget to do. After all, what good does it do to be thin if you're still too sick and tired to enjoy life, right? But dang does seeing numbers I haven't seen in 20 years feel good though!

[FaithM.]

OK I am hearing the weird noises at my door again! I know there's nobody out there but it still freaks me out. Like, what've we got out there, some gigantor frogs or kamikaze June bugs or something?!

[nicsweed]

you know what your doing! your a professional low carb QUEEN!! but i totaly relate to the everyday obstacle's that we face as woman or mother's or a wife.....what a job!!! just pull your self up by your boot-straps and keep on trucking!! your improving so much every day and strenghting your mind every day!!....and even if you never get to that really low goal of 128! your mentally thin...RIGHT! MISSED YA-NICOLE

[FaithM.]

Nicole, thanks! Yes, mentally, for the most part I am thin. I think. lol! Sometimes I feel smaller than the image I see in the mirror, other times it's just the opposite. I guess it depends on the day and my attitude.

btw...what part of Texas do you live?

[nicsweed]

CENTREL TEXAS....EVER HEARD OF THE SCHOOL TEXAS A&M I LIVE ABOUT 1 HOUR FROM THEIR AND HOUSTON!.....YEP BEEN IN TEXAS ALL MY LIFE!!!

[FaithM.]

Originally Posted by nicsweed

CENTREL TEXAS....EVER HEARD OF THE SCHOOL TEXAS A&M I LIVE ABOUT 1 HOUR FROM THEIR AND HOUSTON!.....YEP BEEN IN TEXAS ALL MY LIFE!!!

Me too! My brother's family live in Houston so we're about 3 hours from there.

[mmam5]

Morning Faith!!! Glad you're back and had a bit of a break... I totally understand on taking in all the advice and wisdom of others... baaaahhh It does get overwhelming at times... Then life creeps in and the next thing you know it's weeks later!

My GF (the one on the right in my avi) lives in the Woodlands, TX - isn't this a subburb of Houston? She just loves it there...

[nicsweed]

ok!!! so i invented something new to do with our cucumber's.....this is exciting! peel a cucumber and slice them, then mix a half a block of cream cheese, and dash of weishcarsire, and a dash of tabascio, and some salt and peper....and spread this between two slices of cucumber's and volia..... a breadless- cucumber sandwich.....then after i make about 10 mini sandwich's i set them in the fride for a hour too cool and them they are the perfect summer treat!!! enjoy....hope your doing well!! so what have you been eating these past few days?.....i think you deff... needed a low carb vacation!Muah-nic

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - everyone is commenting on the slippers! My Mom even said she wants to get a pair when her and my Dad come for a visit this fall! I just thought they were so cute everytime we passed that kiosk in the mall! Glad my boys remembered! ITA agree with the others - you are an intelligent woman, you already lost over 100 lbs! You just need to start trusting yourself again. Believe me, I know its hard when you have to prepare meals for kids (and then they don't eat it! ) but you can do it. And it wouldn't be a bad idea to start teaching your kids about healthy eating choices. My boys are still too young, but I do try to get my dd's involved in my cooking and explain to them about good, healthy choices vs sugar, processed, high carb choices.

[FaithM.]

Marci, the weeks really do seem to fly, especially when you're falling off track and then realize how much time's been wasted! I can't believe we're heading toward August already and I've still got so much catching up to do with things. Hmm, I can't think right off hand exactly where Woodlands is but I'm pretty sure it is in the Houston vicinity. Love that pic with you and your friends, you guys look so happy!!

Nicole, your cucumber concoction sounds delicious! How clever! I've been trying to think of things other than celery sticks and boiled eggs to keep handy in the fridge and this could be the deal. Now I just need to get to the store for some cream cheese and cucumbers. That might be a few days.

I did liquid fasting on Wednesday, Thursday, and half of Friday so I didn't post anything for those days but it consisted of water, daily lc shake, green tea, plus I still had my coffee & cream. I'm going to be trying something different this week, cutting back on fats between M-F then adding them back in on Saturdays and Sundays, being more liberal with them. Will try that for a week just for experimental purposes, to focus on "lean" and also cutting back greatly on artificial sweetener consumption.

Will keep you guys posted, of course!

[FaithM.]

Maryam, ! Definitely having trust issues here. Really trying hard, working on that. DH helps immensely. I honestly don't know what on earth I would do without him, he is that objectivity and voice of reason in my life when my mind is being anything but reasonable! but that's just the tip of the iceberg!

The kids' meals, those are certainly something that has needed improving on and it's challenging (as we mothers know ) to find the right balance with healthy when they can be such picky eaters. DD14 is already much more health conscious and tends to go for the healthiest choices. I am just really having to keep an eye on her moreso lately since she is at "that age" and struggling with body image. I remember being right where she is mind and body-wise as if it were yesterday. Such a tough age all around, at least for me it was.

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - I can SOOOOOO relate about teenage dd's! My eldest dd never had the body image issues because she has ALWAYS been very slim (she never had boobs until she was 16)!!!!! But my second dd! She's me all over again - except that the poor baby has started so early! her peiod started almost a year ago at age 10 1/2. And with that the weight gain, the akwardness, the I'm fat and my sisters are thin, I hate myself - YKWIM! Poor baby is already wearing bras almost as big as her 17 yo sister! It's such a blessing that we know so much more than our mothers did about healthy nutrition and choices.

I'm glad you have such a wonderful DH. Life is so much easier when you have a compassionate partner to share it with!

[FaithM.]

OK this is getting serious guys. I am really scaring myself now. I just can't stay in touch anymore. I can get with it, I just cant stick with it. I am sick, sick of starting over. Guess there is nothing anyone else can do to help me if I cannot help myself. Really. I am scared shitless I am about to gain all my weight back and I won't give a crap enough to stop myself before it is too late. Think DH is right. I need somebody to talk to. A professional because this is bull.

[FaithM.]

WALLS OF A TOWER

I spend all day rebuilding a tower
To see the walls tumbling
Down by the hour--
I've fallen again;
They all close in on me
Defenseless, I cower
Praying for intervention
From some higher power;
And start over again

Three steps back, helplessly
Awaiting time's pass,
In my mind it simply stands still,
Fading fast, as completely
Against my own will;
And I wonder
Can I even outlast the depth
Of the darkness
And stop myself from going under?

Is this just too complex to solve
After all?
Well, I'm rapidly losing my
Strength of resolve
As the walls of this tower
Keep crumbling, tumbling
I'm trapped beneath,
Going down with the fall

copyright FaithM. 5/07

This is how I have felt lately.

[mmam5]

Faith

I wish I had more words of wisdom for you There is a lot going on in your life and the moving from the home you love has got you down, the kids need lots of attention, and you're being pulled here/there everywhere...

You write beautifully and you ARE a beautiful person . . . we can tell you that all day, but it does come back to you feeling it about yourself... If you need to talk to a pro - then do so... Many of my friends have found what they needed in life by doing it...