From Wheelchair to Tae-Bo...

[FaithM.]

As of today, I am back on the wagon and I vow to stay on it! My attitude stayed positive, trying not to dwell on the fact of doing detox all over. I continuously put myself in that position, I have to get myself through it!

I think I have just been making too many excuses, focusing too hard on how far I have still to go, on how imperfect my body is even after all I have lost and it is so upsetting to me! Losing the weight is only half the battle for me. I am having to deal with all the lose, sagging skin that is not going to go away with any amount of dieting or fasting. I have accepted that I am going to need surgery to correct it, and I am content with that. However, it still isn't going to matter how much weight I lose or how close to goal I get, until I get the excess skin removed I won't ever be "there" because I will still be carrying around a lot of poundage that would not otherwise be there.

I know it may still be a bit premature to be thinking of surgery since I still have a good 50 lbs. to lose but I know I am going to need it nonetheless. My skin is too far gone. I know when to dream and when to face reality and that is the reality of it. Not to go and get all depressive again, just this is one of the most major issues that has been bringing me down. It is the point that I cannot look in the mirror and see every ounce of my hard work. Sure, I can see a great deal, when fully dressed but other than that I simply cannot look at myself and fully see the progress because, as I said, I am still carrying a lot of that old weight with me! And that, I believe, is where I keep hitting that brick wall!

So, my antidote for that is no more excuses. No more thinking, "well I'm not going to see a difference anyway so I am going to stop trying as hard". No, I am going to stop studying my body and its imperfections so scrutinously. Just for the time being. And just concentrate on getting back into my zone. I think that's how I kept with it so fluidly before now, it was because I wasn't concentrating SO much on how far I had left to go. I just did it and didn't think twice about where I was, where I wasn't, etc.

Sorry so long...

[FaithM.]

Originally Posted by AuntieMame

[FaithM.]

Almost forgot to post my menu for Monday. I would like to add that I resisted every urge to go to the freezer for any of the sf mint chocolate chip ice cream! OR to keep going back to the kitchen for something to snack on after dinner, which was so hard to do (tho I did have 1 slice of cheese but that was it)! Instead, I made up another pot of coffee and sipped on that with cream and splenda in it. It really helped.

Monday:

B -- chicken fillet (Bumblebee, pre-pkgd) w/mayo

S -- 2 deviled egg halves
kosher dill spear

L -- grilled pork chop mixed w/
sauteed onion & mushrooms,
shredded cheddar, Ken's Cesar dressing

D -- taco salad
(tomato, lettuce,
cheddar, sour cream)

S -- 1 sl. american cheese

BEVS:
water
4 coffees, splenda, vanilla DaVinci
grn tea packet (1)
diet dp

WORKOUT: N

WT: no weigh-in

[AuntieMame]

WTG!!

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - made up some of those eggs and took the took work this morning. YUMMY!!!! Thanks for the recipe! Congrats on resisting the call of the ice cream!!!! That's great! And I think you are right, you need to stop focusing on how far you still have to go. Just focus on the here and now. Yes, you may need surgery later on, but why not use that as a reward - tell yourself when I get to goal I WILL get that surgery - and how HOT will you be then!!!!!!!

Marci - I don't think I'm a hottie but thanks for the sweet words!

[FaithM.]

Great, Maryam! I'm so glad you liked the eggs. What I like most about them is it only takes one to satisfy me when I am wanting something small and light. (Now if only small and light were what I'd gone for rather than all that other awful junk I ate!)

I've also seen other variations of the deviled egg using either chicken or deviled ham. They are okay but not favorites of mine. IMO, the deviled ham makes them too salty but that's just me. If you are feeling adventurous you could always give it a try!

[Blondie Baby]

Thanks Faith. I may try to chicken version. I love chicken. But being muslim, I don't eat pork!

[FaithM.]

My 2nd day back OP went pretty well. The late night munchies weren't too bad this evening, thank goodness. I was tired a lot but still managed to get the necessities done around the house.

Tuesday's Menu:

B -- turkey-mayo rollups
2 sl. bologna

S -- 2 deviled egg halves
1/2 cucumber w/ranch

L -- grilled flounder w/mayo

D -- taco salad

S -- deviled egg half
2 sl. bologna

BEVS:
water
2 coffees w/ splenda & vanilla DaVinci
grn tea packets (2)
.5 cherry coke zero "float"

WORKOUT? N

[FaithM.]

Hmm...trying to think of all the things that would go good with a cucumber. Tuna? Chicken? Too used to having them in just my salads but

I've gotten the cool idea to peel and hollow out a cucumber to stuff with something yummy for a quick, easy meal! Now I just need some good ideas for what to fill it with. Tomorrow I am going to try tuna mixed with ranch (instead of mayo). Who knows what else I could come up with.

[Tracey40]

Good morning Faith! I've used cucumbers in all the salads (tuna, egg) and then used for sandwich type, wrap some turkey or something around it? I like your idea about taking out the middle, maybe just throw that into your salad mixture also! Love cucumbers!

[AuntieMame]

Originally Posted by FaithM.

Tomorrow I am going to try tuna mixed with ranch (instead of mayo).

How was that?

[FaithM.]

Hey there, Ladies! How are you two doing??

Originally Posted by Tracey40

Good morning Faith! I've used cucumbers in all the salads (tuna, egg) and then used for sandwich type, wrap some turkey or something around it? I like your idea about taking out the middle, maybe just throw that into your salad mixture also! Love cucumbers!

Ooh, I like that idea of wrapping turkey or some other kind of lunch meat around it! Like, say cut into spears, then wrapped?

Originally Posted by AuntieMame

How was that?

It was the bomb! Here's what I did:

Mix together drained tuna, ranch, shredded cheddar, & bacon bits...
Cut cucumber in half then hollow out and stuff full!

I found the more hollowed out you can get it, the more room there was for the mixture. It was so much cucumber I had to go back and hollow out the walls even more just to be able to get a substantial amount of the tuna filling into it. It was sooo filling I couldn't even finish my half.

[FaithM.]

Well, it is official: My eating habits suck! No, let me clarify...my late night eating habits suck. I did eat a little off plan but it is because I let my bad attitude and cravings get in the way once again. I will give it to myself though, I start out each and everyday following the plan to a T! Now, I only have to work on not giving into the late night, boredom/loneliness/martyrdom munching. *deep breath* OK. Making progress?

Wednesday:

B -- Atkins shake

L -- tuna stuffed cucumber (1/2) (recipe up above )

S -- 2 deviled egg halves w/bacon bits

D -- hot wings w/ranch
mozzarella slices

S -- turkey & mayo on mozzarella crisps

S -- sf ice cream
club crackers
1 leftover Dino bite chicken nugget
buttered flour tortilla note to self: This is not lowcarb Faithlove!!

BEVS:
water
2 coffees w/cream & splenda
grn tea packets (1)
cherry coke zero


WORKOUT? N

WT: not tellin'!

In case anyone's wondering on the mozzarella crisps, I got this idea from some recipe on here. I sprinkle the cheese on parchment paper then microwave a minute or two, or until they're super crisp like crackers! YUM!

[Tracey40]

Faith - you'll get there, fighting it and getting it to be a habit is half the battle, then it will become second nature! You can't fail if you keep trying!

How about getting some of those things together so that when late night snackie strike, you'll be prepared? Now, how about those drawers? If you are cleaning them out, you'll be less apt to grab food while your hands are busy. Or how about getting on the treadmill at that time while watching TV? You'll need to find some other "habit" to replace for the food and we all know how hard that is!

You are doing great! Those cucumber things sound good! I like the idea of the spears also, gives that little crunch with the protein!

[mmam5]

Ahh - Faith - you silly! I agree with Tracey... maybe use your time later on to make up some LC snacks, and have them on hand, and CLEAN OUT a drawer or two

Ohhh - and next time stuff that tortilla with some chix/turkey or whatever meat you have laying around... that might help stop that craving/hunger.

Have you thought about just NOT buying the SF Ice cream? It's not going to hurt the kids by not having it in the house ... I understand about the "leftovers" That was one of my biggest problems... one bite of this, one bite of that, and ya hate to just throw it away...

I just had to hear about it the other day from DD11's GF ... "don't you have any soda? How come you don't have soda? Yogurt? Is that ALL you have???" She was kind of put out - but she got over it... she also ate her yogurt and drank the tap water and didn't die!

Hang in there... it's a journey to a new you...

[FaithM.]

I did much better today! Ate my last meal before 7 pm and have been sticking to liquids to keep my hands out of the fridge. Just going to be taking this all one step at a time and try not to overthink things so much. That's all we can do really. I can't say how strong (or not) I will be feeling tomorrow or the next day but no matter what I have to stay devoted to this!

Tracey & Marci! I agree, having some sensible snacks prepared ahead of time helps, I just haven't been consistent with that. I usually just end up making a meal out of those things (like cut up chicken, etc.) instead of "snacking" on them. Then when I'm being really contrary, just whine about there being nothing left to snack on! OH, I've gotten so bad about that! And to think, I used to be SO disciplined, and that is a fact. What has happened to me??

Now as for getting to work on cleaning out those drawers...pleeasse don't make me! I would rather get my teeth pulled! I swear, no matter how great the intentions, I will procrastinate things like that like you wouldn't believe!

Marci, it's interesting about the sf ice cream. We used to never buy that stuff but now when we do it's at the request of DD14 who is into the weight conscious phase. But you're right, we are much better off not even having the temptation of it around. Then again, could say that with anything but I feel bad if the others don't have a little something of what they like in the house. If not for that, it would always be something else, ya know? I'm sure the biggest problem here is my attitude as of late. Probably goes back to that very first occasion I allowed myself to go OP. I think once we give ourselves the liberty of "cheating" it is hard not to rationalize it after that. Before then none of this other stuff ever even affected me and there isn't much in the house that we didn't keep around before, so idk.

[FaithM.]

Thursday's Menu:

B -- none (slept in)

L -- carb control slimfast shake

S -- hard boiled egg

D -- grilled flounder w/mayo
(no eating past 7 pm)

BEVS:
water
2 coffees, cream & splenda
grn tea packets (2)
cherry coke zero "float"

WORKOUT? Y...treadmill, 35 min.

[NarcissisticFairy]

Just popping in to say hi, and good to see you're doing your best to stick to plan. I also try to not eat after 7pm, and definately notice a difference the next day if I do. (on the scale) Mind you, I probably shouldn't weigh every day, but it helps I think.

[FaithM.]

Thank you, Fairy! I feel the same way that it would probably be best if I didn't weigh every day and focus so much on the numbers though I think it keeps me from avoidance especially after a really off day. I think having the 6:30-7 pm cut off time really helps too. I've noticed nine times out of ten it isn't even real hunger.

[FaithM.]

All day yesterday was the feeling of crashing and burning. I was talking to DH about this, why I am often so exhausted and weak when he is home and that it is because I am constantly putting my system through this shock of detox and it is slowly killing me. He is fully aware of my struggles as he has been with me through it all, large and small, so he knows they haven't completely gone away with the weightloss. I open up to him often so there is no running away I can do. Still it is as unfair to him and the kids that I have not been in the best condition I can be but that is how it is when I go through this on again, off again mode. I have to make the final decision to go all the way with this and to stop going back and forth. The last thing they need is Mom back in the hospital bed!

So anyway, that has been the pain of the day. I know in a few I will have my energy and motivation back. I want to fast so badly and just get this done and overwith! Right at the moment though I am focusing on eating sensibly, staying hydrated, and getting into full ketosis.

Friday:

B -- none

L -- hard boiled egg
flounder w/mayo

D -- tuna salad
cucumber w/ranch

S -- 4 slices american cheese
vienna weiners

BEVS:
water
2 coffees, cream & splenda
diet coke
cherry coke zero

WORKOUT? N

WT: 182

[NarcissisticFairy]

You can do it Faith. Look at how far you've come!

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - Sorry I've been gone. I'm glad to see that you are seriously commited to making this work! You'll get your results. You just have to be consistent and keep at it until you get there. I think perhaps you need to focus a little on the mental aspects of losing weight. Alot of the fitness experts will tell you that a good attitude (not beating yourself up) is key to reaching your goals. Also, in your mind picture yourself at your ideal weight, in that bikini or whatever and playing with your kids. Keep that "Faith Perfect Mom" picture in your mind, focus on it and really work towards goal. You'll get there!

Gotta try your stuffed cucumbers. Again - something easy to grab and bring to work! You are just full of wonderful ideas!

[FaithM.]

Fairy and Maryam!! You guys are great to come around and encourage me like you do. It means the world to me! We will all reach our goals, come heck or high water because we will never give in and we'll never stop trying.

Maryam, you're right that mental issue is one major thing I am needing to work on. I'll often push myself too hard then beat myself down for not meeting my own crazy expectations. I really think I am in need of counseling for a lot of the emotional issues I have.

P.S. that is a great pick of you and BF on your avi! You two make a great looking couple!

[FaithM.]

Yesterday was pretty busy so I didn't get to record. Out looking at houses again and we found one that I am absolutely in love with! There are still so many loose ends and unanswered questions as far as how the job and family thing is going so it is too soon yet to make any definite moves.

Oh, and then 50 some odd miles from home our van decided to overheat and start leaking fluid from the radiator! The poor thing is on its last leg, I am afraid. Now is not the time for it to break down on us!!

I have been giving a great deal of thought to what direction I want to take with this WOE right now. I've always done best when regularly changing things up so whatever I do now will only be temporary, of course. That said, I had terrific success in the past with QOD, which is fasting every other day. I dropped 21 lbs. in 15 days last year doing that. Of course, I still was 250 lbs. then so it didn't take much to drop a quick 20. but anyway, I decided I will be doing this for at least the next week but will make an allowance for 4th of July so I don't go too crazy when we have our little cookout. So I vow to stay very flexible on this as I know somedays are more difficult than others but I love the best-of-both-worlds feeling I get when doing every other day...I get to give my digestive system a little break and give my body the chance to get rid of the unc