From Wheelchair to Tae-Bo...

[FaithM.]

Oh WoW that was a book!! Sorry guys but it looks like I love to talk.

Before I forget:

Tuesday's Menu:

B -- none

L -- pork chop grilled in olive oil
sauteed mushrooms/ranch
deviled egg half

S -- celery stalk/cream cheese

D -- sauerkraut w/beef franks
deviled egg half
1 sl. american cheese

S -- rotisserie chicken/mozz. cheese/mayo

S -- peanut butter

BEVS:
water
grn tea packets (3)
diet coke plus

WORKOUT? Y...walking treadmill, 40 min.

WT: 182...up a lb. probably because I ate so late into the morning. I got so hungry and it was driving me crazy so I went back to the kitchen for rotisserie chicken, cheese, and I don't remember what else (it was all legal though).

[Tracey40]

Faith - Great menu - AND YES, it was all LEGAL FOODS! You know, it says if you are hungry - EAT, just make it legal!

With all that is going on with you right now, you are doing great! Keep it up!!!

OMGosh, I've had bouts where I wake up and hear noises and it freaks me out all night also! Do you have some type of security system on your home (I don't)? I know that sometimes I get myself so worked up, my heart pounding etc., I probably then hear things that aren't there. It is really a scarey thing!!! Did you get the floods they were talking about? Could it have been weather, not sure if you had storms/windy over the last few days?

Thanks for the PB recipe, not that I told myself I would eat clean! Ok, I'll probably try it!

[Tracey40]

Originally Posted by Blondie Baby

- After seeing your beautiful picture and your BF's - Personally I'd be staring cuze you two make a Handsome Couple!

That's not my picture Marci! That's my dd's prom picture! But thanks! One day I will get around to posting a pic of myself. But since I'm the resident family photographer there no picture of me, I always taking them!!!!

She is beautiful! (I thought it was you also!)

[mmam5]

Faith

When we lived in FL, the neighborhood wasn't so nice... we slept with a gun on the headboard and my escape plan for a break-in was to roll out of the waterbed and hide as far under the frame as possible When I'm home alone with the kids now, I lock all doors and 1st floor windows... don't need a gun on the headboard anymore though...

With such a small amount of sleep, your body is probably on the verge of coming down with a dang cold... try and get some rest today... a nice cool shower and a nap will feel really nice...

GREAT food choices!! (mostly - dang PB!)

[AuntieMame]

I'm so sorry you got scared. I get scared, too. When I do, I immediately call the police. I don't care if they think I'm crazy. They've always been really concerned and sweet, btw.

I've called several times this past year alone. I really do think there was a guy prowling around. The important thing - and the reason I think he stopped - was because he knew I would call the cops at the drop of a hat. Then, Three nights in a row I called. Since then it's been quiet - and I'm up at all hours.

I also have a stun gun on my bedside table. It makes me feel safe. There is basically no crime in this tiny town, but I grew up in the city (New Orleans) so I always take extra precautions.

[FaithM.]

Hey! Guess what? NO PB tonight! Why? Because there wasn't any left. I cleaned out the jar last night. Think I'm gonna completely banish it from the house again. I had for awhile then felt bad because it was wrong to deprive my kids of such a thing. It's funny because they hardly ever touch the stuff!

Yes, we have ADT security system. It does have an indoor setting you could put it on where if you're home alone at night it will go off if an intruder were to break in. I used to set it every night but I don't anymore because one night several years ago at our former house the alarm actually malfunctioned and started going off (like 1 or 2 a.m.). I was absolutely terrified and frozen in fear, thinking someone had just broken into our home! By the time I peeled myself from the ceiling and got the nerve to get to the phone and call 911 I was a total basketcase! When the cops arrived they told me the same thing had just happened to a few other homes in our neighborhood and informed me of the false alarm. They still searched our home and yard for me before they left but I was pissed because I had just lost 5 years off my life and gained 50 grey hairs on my head! And ever since I have refused to set it on "indoor" for fear of it happening again.

I couldn't imagine having to have a gun by the headboard! Knowing me, I would still freeze up and forget to use the thing, LOL! Our neighborhood here is pretty safe but you never know for sure because crime can strike anywhere. It's frightening!

Oh, and New Orleans...these days, as I have heard (since Katrina), no one would dare go through there without a cop, bodyguard, or a gun for protection. YEEKS!! *gulps*

[FaithM.]

I got to feeling a little bit better as the day progressed. Throughout the night and first thing this morning my throat was hurting like a dickens! It's still a little sore but not as bad. I think it was mostly due to the allergens in the air from the dust I breathed in the other day while dusting and cleaning the house. There are some areas around here that if I don't get to often enough the dust gets really thick and I have an allergy to dust. Okey now that everyone knows what a rotten housekeeper I am... LOL!

Peanut butter
cheese
franks and vienna weiners
pork skins
sf candies/sf ice cream

...if I simply cut these completely out of my diet I would get to my goal and likely do so fairly quickly. So why isn't it as easy as it sounds? I continually sabotage myself with the above at one given time or another.

ETA: ALL I really have to do is stay away from these particular foods. Why can't I just do that? Even I don't know the answer to that but I am clearly not the same person who once water fasted 11 days straight (and countless other days in between) and could go days on end eating next to nothing and be totally okay with it. I am so obviously not in the same mindset I was last year when I dropped 139 lbs. in 12 months!

I am getting sad that ketosis hasn't seemed to hit yet. I am so blasted hungry every single night that it's all I can do to try and refrain from eating, to little or no avail. It is bugging me that I have stayed OP for a whole week and still cannot get out of the 180's. I know that I can take the lbs. off quickly if I would stop the late night eating and the high sodium junk. I know that I totally blew off my WOE for an entire week, I just can't believe I am still paying for all of that in a major way.

Wednesday's Menu:

B -- Atkins shake

L -- grilled pork chop
sauteed mushrooms/ranch,
shredded cheddar

S -- deviled egg half
beef frank
1 vienna weiner

D -- grilled chicken salad,
cucumber/ranch/bacon bits

S -- deviled egg half
2 sl. american cheese

*still hungry -- leftover chkn salad/bacon bits
pork skins w/cream cheese

BEVS:
water
3 c. coffee w/cream & splenda
diet dp
grn tea packets (3)

WORKOUT? Y...Tae-Bo, 25 min.

WT: 182

[Blondie Baby]

Stop beating yourself up and try to relax. Late night eating was always a problem for me, too. Until I realized that I wasn't REALLY that hungry. I just had to reprogram myself. Now when I feel like eating something at night I will straighten a closet or start the laundry or do the ironing. You will be out of the 180's before you know it. Just stick to plan and keep telling yourself "I WILL be under 180!"

Just for you all, I posted a pic of myself. Just my face cause I took it with my phone while sitting at my desk at work! Maybe tonight when we are all dressed up I will have my lovely dd take a pic of me and BF.

[FaithM.]

Maryam! It is so nice to see a pic of you on your avi! Very pretty and I can see the resemblance between you and your DD.

One of these days I will suck it up and finally post one of me. Although I have lots of before and afters I am still quite critical of most of my photos, even the most recent ones. I suppose that may never change regardless of how much weight I lose.

And I will try hard not to keep beating myself up on these issues. It is true for me too, most of the time I'm not really hungry. It's a habit born of mostly boredom and loneliness (yep even with 5 kids around, lol!). I've got more than enough things to keep me busy around here but I end up rationalizing them. The last thing I want to do after running around all day is more cleaning. It is much more fun to eat!

[Blondie Baby]

Originally Posted by FaithM.

And I will try hard not to keep beating myself up on these issues. It is true for me too, most of the time I'm not really hungry. It's a habit born of mostly boredom and loneliness (yep even with 5 kids around, lol!). I've got more than enough things to keep me busy around here but I end up rationalizing them. The last thing I want to do after running around all day is more cleaning. It is much more fun to eat!

I can SO relate to being lonely, even with 6 kids around! During my entire last marriage (10 years) he was only home on weekends - like your dh. And it IS lonely! And yeah, after working all day and then running after kids and cooking and cleaning up, I didn't really want to do more cleaning. Eating is easier, and it's comfort KWIM. But you really do just need to reprogram that thinking out of your head. In a houseful of kids like ours, there is ALWAYS something to do beside eat!!!! Think of how clean your house (and diet) will be!

It is so nice to see a pic of you on your avi! Very pretty and I can see the resemblance between you and your DD

And thanks! Everyone says we look alike! She's just so much prettier than I ever was!

[FaithM.]

WTH! Maryam has inspired me to post my pic. Not the most recent, it is from last October.

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - You're so cute! You are definitely too young to have 5 kids!!!!!!

[Tracey40]

Omgosh Faith you are beautiful and so young! How tall are you?

Everything seems to be coming together with your menu and workouts, I know it's going to happen, ketosis, inch loss, weight loss - ITS YOURS!!!

Nighttime used to be a problem for me also, now it's daytime! At night, give yourself a list each week, 7 items, pick one each night - could be cleaning out a drawer, organizing your computer area, organizing dressers etc. One item - each night. By the time you are done with the task (drinking water while doing it) hopefully that urge to eat will be gone!

Maryam - I disagree, your daughter looks just like you, you are beautiful!

[FaithM.]

Maryam and Tracey, thank you for the sweet comments on my pic! You guys are too kind! I think I show my age in person more than the pic lets on though, lol!

Tracey, it is great to see your pic up there too! You are a beautiful lady and lookin' so thin (and trust me, I mean that in only the most complimentary of ways).

Maryam, it would be great to see a full pic of yourself with your BF!

I like the one chore a night idea, like a FlyLady sort of thing. Something productive to do while giving a chance for those cravings to pass rather than heading straight for the kitchen. I'll give it a try!

Here's Thursday's Menu:

B -- Atkins shake

L -- sauerkraut w/beef franks
2 deviled egg halves

D -- tuna salad

S -- tuna deviled egg
2 celery stalks/cream cheese

BEVS:
water
grn tea packets (3)
2 coffees, cream & splenda

WORKOUT? Y...walk/jog treadmill, 40 min.

WT: 182

Only had a couple of small, simple snacks later after dinner to take the edge off when I did get a little hungry. I really wanted to not eat a lot late into the evening, I only end up impulse snacking and feeling too full when I am trying to wind down. Feel like I did well controlling that tonight.

[FaithM.]

Today went well. No complaints. I stayed active throughout the day and managed not to obsess over food. It is nice to have some energy back finally.

Friday's Menu:

Brunch -- scrambled eggs & bacon,
sauteed onions/mushrooms/sour cream

D -- chicken salad/cucumber/bacon bits/ranch

S -- tuna-deviled egg (just tuna added into egg mixture and stuffed into whites)
2 stalks celery/cream cheese

S -- 2 sl. american cheese

BEVS:
water
1 coffee w/cream & splenda
grn tea packets (3)

WORKOUT? Y...Tae-Bo, 25 min.
Dance Dance Revolution with the kids. We played for more than 2 hours. After about a half hour of this I'm breaking a sweat!

WT: 178 (-4)

[AuntieMame]

Originally Posted by FaithM.

Oh, and New Orleans...these days, as I have heard (since Katrina), no one would dare go through there without a cop, bodyguard, or a gun for protection. YEEKS!! *gulps*

Yep. It's bad.

Originally Posted by FaithM.

WTH! Maryam has inspired me to post my pic. Not the most recent, it is from last October.

Aren't you precious!!!

Originally Posted by FaithM.

Dance Dance Revolution with the kids. We played for more than 2 hours. After about a half hour of this I'm breaking a sweat!

I've heard about DDR - and, even thought about getting it. I don't know much about it though.

I hope you're having a great weekend!!

[FaithM.]

Dixie! You are so sweet! No one has ever used me and precious in the same sentence before! I was dressed up and had makeup on which isn't the usual me just grunging around the house.

Oh, and DDR was DD's 14th birthday present. She has wanted it for so long and we just now broke down and got it for her. They have songs all the way from 80's to current you can dance to. Now that I've experienced it I would consider getting it, teenagers or not. There is even a workout mode to it but I'm a long ways from being able to keep up with the steps.

[FaithM.]

Today, it started out great but has not ended well. I ate off plan again. I don't know what my deal is. I've been practicing psychology on myself, trying to figure out why I self-sabotage so much. I realize now that this is what I do when I put forth anything less than perfection. And I know how wrong and defeating this attitude is but it exists nonetheless and I am only trying to recognize the reasons why so I can deal with them and move on...

but yeah, I wasn't perfect today so I beat myself down for it and then gave into everything. I am white-knuckling this for what other way is there to go about it? I know I must restrict to a certain degree in order to lose weight. Maintaining here, way above my goal is one step away in my eyes from regaining everything and regaining everything is my worst fear. Well, so since I do that I get overly bombarded with these constant urges to eat & eat, ultimately giving in to shut up the nagging voices in my head. I still wanted something after dinner so I gave in with something as simple as pork skins, which are not on my current menu plan. Subconsciously, I saw this as a screw up. So I went after the sf ice cream in the freezer. Another screw up. So I went to the pantry and grabbed chips and crackers...Now the voices are really loud and harsh so I keep going back for more. So I return to the freezer and go after the regular ice cream because there is no sf left. Then I am back to the pantry for more sugar. Now I am so full and my stomach is hurting. Such a nasty, horrid cycle and feel trapped right in the midst of it. Yes, I know this is my own fault. I just don't know how to get out of the cycle I'm in. I cannot care for 10 minutes then stop. I don't even trust myself anymore!

So anyway,

Saturday's Menu:

Brunch -- grilled flounder, mayo

S -- tuna-deviled egg

L -- homemade chicken-veggie soup

D -- seafood salad,
grated cheddar
sliced zucchini & squash, oven-grilled

S -- 6 pork rinds/cream cheese
egg salad w/bacon
sl. american cheese

S -- sf ice cream...

**ended in off plan eating

BEVS:
water
2 coffees, cream & splenda
grn tea packets (2)

WORKOUT? N

WT: 177

See...I started out so perfect!

On a good note, I knocked out 6 workout days this week. So there, I found something good to say!

[FaithM.]

I just decided once I hit my 140 lb mark (158) then I will post my before and after pics! I have 19 lbs. to get there. A big incentive for me because I really want to show you guys! I had been only 1 lb. away back in February before I started on this roller coaster ride. When I get there it will be my all time low in nearly 19 years!

[AuntieMame]

Thanks for the info on DDR. I can tell it's something I'm gonna have to get. It sounds so fun!

I don't know what to say about your eating... I want to help but don't know how.

One thing that really helped me was getting rid of "all or nothing" thinking. Trying to be perfect never worked.

I also don't think of this in terms of NEVER eating certain things again. I just tell myself "I am not eating ____ now. I can have some <insert a time>" I usually telll myself "next year" or "when this challenge is over" knowing that I will be starting a new challenge the next day.

I have to do this with end points in mind. I will eat LC with no cheats for ____ amount of time. My last challenge was for three months. This one is for 1 month (until June 28th)

That way when I have cravings I tell myself "I can have that on June 29th" And, I have a day or two having what I want at the end of the challenge. This has worked for me.

I can't wait to see your pics!!

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - sorry to hear you haven't been doing well. I guess you just need to convince yourself that NO ONE is perfect. You can never be perfect so expecting yourself to be is futile. Give yourself a break and allow Faith to be human! One thing that always helped me was to put a BEFORE picture of myself on the fridge door. Yeah - having to look at that everytime I headed for a snack was good incentive to close the door! And I was so bad - I took the Before picture in my underwear!!!!! And I would post little notes on the fridge and pantry and cupboard doors listing my goals and reminding myself that I wasn't really hungry and that I wasn't perfect and didn't need to be, I just needed to be true to myself. Also, doing little rewards helped alot. Like, I would say when I get below 180 I'll give myself a massage, or something else special for me!

Hope this helps a little. Hang in there! I can't wait to see those before and after pics!!!!

Tracey - Thanks!

[FaithM.]

Thanks guys for all your help! The suggestions are good ones and I am taking notes. It is just difficult for me to understand how I went from one hundred ten percent dedicated, non compromising, and cheat-free to this person who can't seem to stay on track to save her life. It's like, what happened between November and January that has my mindset altered to the state it is in? I know I have it in me to see this through, I just want to regain that focus I had back last year and I have been getting so impatient with myself!

Dixie, yes definitely DDR is worth the money and so much fun! On how to help me...yeah I wish I could figure that out too. I know I must find that drive within myself though because nobody else can give that to me. I think I just have to get to the point of believing in myself again. I have been in this rut for going on 7 months now and I have just been doubting myself for too long. Even more frustrating as I know it is ME holding myself back!

Maryam, I love the picture of your kids. They are real cuties! I counted 5, where's the other one? I'll have to dig up the old high school pic of myself (when I weighed around 140 lbs.) to put up on our fridge as my incentive. Ironically, it was one I had up for awhile years ago when I used to dream about getting back below 200 again. As for this body of mine in an underwear pic...I go and put that on the fridge it will keep the entire family from eating! They would be traumatized, I am afraid!