From Wheelchair to Tae-Bo...

[Tracey40]

Faith - I think if nighttime is really a problem for you, get a snack prepared each day for night. Keep yourself busy, get something that has to do with your hands, clean out a drawer each night, fold clothes etc... KWIM? Evenings can be hard for me sometimes also, especially with my folks there now and some foods that I would normally not eat but they are there!

You can do this!!!!

Froot loops -

[FaithM.]

You're right about that, Tracey...and I find lately that most of this stuff I've been reaching for are things I normally never would eat! You know what's crazy though is how I usually got by just great during all that Fasting I used to do. I never seemed to have a problem occupying my mind then. When I get good and set in my zone you couldn't pay me a million bucks to cheat myself and go near any of that junk. I just need to get to that place but it sounds so simple, doesn't it?

I reminded myself this morning that I need to look upon all this positively instead of like some punishment I must inflict on myself. I, after all, chose this WOE for a reason. I am not sorry, but extremely greatful I rediscovered it, so why am I feeling so sorry for myself?

[mmam5]

Faith

Frootloops!?!? I suppose it could have been a candy bar.. so at least you got some vitamins out of it too There, that's a positive...

It does sound simple, but it really isn't ... it's almost like smoking/drinking ... you know it isn't good for you, but oh so much easier to just do it than to quit!

Could you be thinking about the "maybe" move you might have coming up? And all that is involved in moving, packing, relocating? Huge amount of stress just thinking about it...

One step at a time, baby steps as they say!

[FaithM.]

Yep, believe it or not, of all things in the world, Fruit Loops! but only because there was nothing else in the whole house which would suffice (think I "cleared out" whatever else had been there). Thank goodness I hadn't bought any other junk on my last store run or else it would have gotten real ugly!

And yeah there is a lot of stress on the personal and family front which certainly isn't helping. Here, I'll list a little of what's been nagging me lately:

1. Being an insomniac I never get enough sleep. Even when I'm sleeping I'm not "sleeping" (at least not quality sleep)

2. DD being behind on homeschooling studies and I need to have her ready for 9th grade by Fall because...

3. I am going back to work after being unemployed for 4 years...

4. Finances/uncertainty of this future relocation and what that means for the family, DH's civilian job, etc.

5. Sale of current home/purchasing of new one...enough said!! If you've been there, you know already!

6. 2 wks. till we fly out to Florida, 5 kids to Disney and none of them having ever been on a plane before. Yeeks! And as most of us are aware, a vacation with kids is never "just" a vacation, haha

7. This stupid, sucky weight issue. My future and all of the above seems to center around it. I am constantly fighting with myself to hurry it up and get my act together or else feel like total crap on this trip. It doesn't matter to me at this moment that I am 40 lbs. lighter than I was on our vacation last year. I am not even close to being "there", I am extremely uncomfortable with how I am feeling "now" and this is totally bugging me.

Whew! I wasn't planning to get this emotional in this journal but I am an emotional person so it's probably going to happen.

[FaithM.]

This marks Day 2 back on plan. I can't stand this feeling of constantly starting over. Well, it is important to remember this journey will often be full of roadblocks and mountains to climb. We're all human. Sometimes we rise, sometimes we fall. As long as we keep picking ourselves back up, that is the important thing.

I got around to the Main Lobby yesterday and read thru this fabulous thread "For those who are succeeding or succeeded". This did wonders for my attitude, inspired me even more and put so much into perspective for me! I felt so much more positive by the time I made it thru the last post. Adding a link in here for myself to refer back to anytime I get to feeling down:

For those who are succeeding or succeeded...

It doesn't work. I'm going to keep trying because I really wanted to put it in here.

Everytime I try clicking on the link I copied this page tells me I am not connected to the internet or whatever. Oh well, if I'm not able to get it to work I know where to find it, I'll just search it out myself if I want to read it again.

[FaithM.]

Ok, I tried on that link for the last time. I am usually more tenacious but it was frustrating me.

Anyway, I took up on the advice offered to me of having something prepped and ready to eat for later in the evening when I got hungry and it really helped! I went straight to the fridge for my grilled chicken cubes instead of wandering over to the kids' treat pantry. I used to be more persistent as far as keeping ready-to-go snacks handy for myself for times like this. I also baked some tuna muffins from one of the recipes on site tho mine were a much more basic version.

Yesterday's Menu:

B -- none

S -- 2 deviled egg halves

L -- grilled chicken w/ranch

S -- 4 sl. fried spam, low sodium
mayo

D -- 2 deviled egg halves
sm. tuna muffin (tuna & egg)
sour cream

S -- leftover chicken w/ranch
turkey-cream cheese rollups (2)

BEVS:
WATER
4 c. coffee w/cream & splenda
grn tea packets (1)
vanilla coke zero

WORKOUT? Y...treadmill 45 min...2.25 mi./floor exerc.

I switched my workout time to later in the evening so I would be busy doing that instead of in the kitchen scrounging for something to eat. It helped. I was too dang exhausted to care about eating which is great. However I was also too exhausted to feel like fixing dinner for the kids! They got their dinner though, I just fixed myself a cup of coffee then fell off to sleep on the sofa.

[mmam5]

YEAH FAITH!!!

I liked that thread too...

For those who have suceeded... How's this link work??

Great job on the planning ... that is one of the main reasons I've stuck to my guns... planning and using Fitday... well, that and giving away any clothes that are bigger than I wear right now!

I suppose we could look at life in general as a "roadblock", do we stop? Keep going? take a left? take a right? Choices everywhere.

You have soooooooo much on your plate (no pun intended) from looking at yesterday's list!

If you want any tips on the Kids/flying/vacation... let me know ... we've been traveling/flying with the kids since they were too young to walk, thru potty training, etc. Much easier once they get a bit older!

Glad you're feeling a bit better Gotta go for now - they actually want me to WORK today!

[FaithM.]

Marci to the rescue! The link works, thanks a bunch! I wonder what I was doing wrong and why I couldn't get mine to work. I did them the same way as the ones in my signature.

I do need to get back to my fitday account, it has been awhile since I recorded in mine. And all those larger clothes in my closet, yeah I have too many outfits saved back as a means of charting my progress and reminding me how far I have come...but I only need 1, maybe 2 items for that and not half a dozen! It's crazy how at one point we can be itching to never have to wear or look at our fat clothes ever again but there is still that attachment to them which makes it difficult to get rid of them. After all, that was ME for 15+ years. I still am not used to that feeling of going directly to the smaller racks while shopping. I still spot the plus sized clothing and go, "now that one is cute!"

Oh...and I would be appreciative of any travelling advice you have to offer! Car trips are wearing enough. I am sure, esp. as far as flying is concerned, there are plenty of things to think about that I won't until we're already thousands of feet in the air, haha!

[FaithM.]

I tried it one last time and it didn't work for me! *mini tantrum* I hate when I can't get something to work out right, grrr!

Moving on...fixing DD breakfast before she's off for her last day of Pre-K. My baby's growing up!! When she starts Kindergarten this Fall I know it will be a bittersweet occasion. For the first time in 16 years I will actually have this place to myself for a few hours!

...shortlived because then I will be back to full time employment! The peace and quiet will be nice while it lasts I am sure!

[FaithM.]

10 Days Till Disney World!

Yesterday and today I have felt my brain has been on a more even keel which is great as I feel my focus is back now. As you see above, we are on the final countdown to "V"-Day and I still want to be back in the 160's by then. Anywhere between 160-170 I feel comfortable enough to the point I don't feel I am climbing the walls. Right now I am still in the midst of damage control from every single lb. I put back on last week! I've only 7 lbs. to get back to the 172 I saw last Saturday.

Today I spent time clearing my closet of all my old fat clothes and man did that feel good! Not only bagged up a bunch of outgrown kids clothes to give to Goodwill but also gathered many of mine from my highest weight (only kept back my sz. 24 black stretchy pants and 2 blouses) as well as a few of my in-progress blouses too large for me now.

You might not believe this but anytime I really bomb on my plan and have bloated up and was the hardest on myself I have continued to pull out my huge size 24 shirts to wear thru the day! Sure, they barely hung on my shoulders but... WHY?? Is that some kind of messed up train wreck of emotions or subconscious self-punishment or what, because never for a second have I ever actually missed wearing any of those things! I cried for many years because I felt stuck in them. Strange! *shakes head*

Saturday's menu:

B -- celery stalk/cream cheese

S -- mixed nuts

L -- tuna muffins (2 mini)/sour cream
2 celery stalks/cream cheese
leftover wings (2 sm) w/ranch
cheddar cubes (about 1 oz)

D -- none

BEVS:
WATER
2 coffees w/cream & splenda
grn tea packet (1)

WORKOUT? N


We spent much of yesterday on the road looking at more houses so I didn't have much opportunity for eating much. I bought more mixed nuts to keep me tied over. Still ate too many but I wasn't hungry anymore by the time we arrived home.

For today and over the next few days I am challenging myself to having no artificial sweeteners. So I am allowing myself coffee but with cream only. It isn't all that horrible having it plain after all. I'm not doing this so much as a "gotta prove to myself" I can do without but more of a need for the absence of any kind of sweetness on my tongue as it's like more a temptation than a satisfaction for me most of the time. More of a hindrance than a help? We'll soon see. It was good enough for me the first several months of the start of my program so I don't see why I have to have any of that stuff to get me by now.

[FaithM.]

V-Day Countdown: 9

Sunday's Menu:

B -- egg salad
celery stalk/cream cheese
cheddar cubes

S -- sauteed mushrooms
deviled egg half

L -- grilled flounder/mayo
2 celery stalks/cream cheese

S -- deviled egg half

D -- rotisserie chicken/sour cream/shred cheddar
taco salad (meat, s.c., tomato, lettuce, cheese)
pork rinds/queso dip

S -- deviled egg half

BEVS:

WATER
2 c. coffee w/cream

WORKOUT? N

WT: 178

[AuntieMame]

Hi Faith!
I've enjoyed what I've read of your journal. You've done an amazing job-- you've lost 120 lbs.??? WW!

I noticed you mentioned a couple times about your link not working. And, being frustrated about it. I thought I'd let you know it isn't working because you have http://http// at the beginning of the addy instead of just http://www. Just so you know.

I'm off to check out that thread. I missed it somehow and you made it sound great!

[FaithM.]

Hi Dixie! Thanks for coming in and checking out my journal and thank you for the compliments! It's nice to know there is someone out there I haven't bored to tears, LOL! Going to try out that link again...no http, makes sense it was something so simple.

[FaithM.]

V-Day Countdown: 8!

Monday's Menu:

Brunch -- rotisserie chicken/ranch
sauteed mushrooms

S -- pork skins
avocado dip (avocado, sour cream)
deviled egg half
cheddar cubes

D -- rotisserie chicken/mayo
2 celery stalks/cream cheese
deviled egg half

S -- pork skins/cream cheese/queso
beef frank w/mustard
cheddar cubes

BEVS:
WATER
2 c. coffee w/cream

WORKOUT? N

WT: 180

Was up 2 lbs. this morning likely because of the high sodium intake and snacking late into the evening. I know better! And the pork skins, which I have absolutely no sense of portion control over, was an impulse purchase I wish I had resisted. Hopefully the water weight will be gone come morning.

[FaithM.]

Now for the thread link I tried posting before:

For those who are succeeding or succeeded...

Wonders never cease, LOL!

Thanks again, Dixie!

[AuntieMame]

Faith!! Glad you got your link to work! Have a great day!

[mmam5]

Wooo Hooo Faith!!!

You're doing it Glad you gave away your clothes to some other deserving family! LOL Mmm maybe your subconscious was using them as comfort clothes?

Vacation will be here and you'll get the chance to get away from it all, take a break and have some fun.

For plane trips with the kids... Each kid has to pack their own backpack (school bag) w/book or two, hand-held game, toys... but they have to be able to CARRY it themselves... it ain't mamma's job to carry more than HER own carry on, well, unless your youngest is still in diapers, then only bring the diaper bag as use that as your purse too...

I would usually pack munchies (raw veggies -carrots/celery/radishes) honeynut cheerios, raisins, granola bars -- your older kids could carry their own snack bags... If you have a layover, most of the airports have lots going on... play areas, stuff to look at, window shopping, BARS for ma/pa! If you make riding the plane F U N, The kids will have fun. Oh and don't forget to pack GUM, great for taking off and landing - also teach the kids ahead of time how to clear their ears - Pinch nose and blow firmly till ears pop... and then also to yawn on command...

For the littler ones... maybe surprise them with a New toy AFTER the plane first starts to take off... then they'll be distracted into behaving and not afraid ... KWIM?

For the Disney part... We had seen tons of families there and they would all wear the same color t-shirts ... that way they could find each other quicker/easier... some even had walkie/talkies, so they could split up and meet back later... A couple of years ago (post 9-11) you could still bring in coolers/water/food - so we did that on a stroller... made it a bit cheaper and we could spend more on trinkets, etc.

Ok - hope that wasn't tooo much of your space taken up! I'm so excited for you - wish I could sneak along for the trip!!!

[FaithM.]

Great tips, Marci! Thanks! Don't worry, you never take up too much space in here! I love it when you guys come by!

So, you think the airport would allow us to bring on extra snacks in the kids' carry-ons? I know they are pretty particular about certain things. Our youngest two are 8 and 5 so thank goodness no kids in diapers and no excuses for them not to be responsible for their own bags. GUM...I'll be stocking up big time on that stuff. I've a history of killer ear pain to the point of being in tears and I am they don't have as hard a time as I've had in the past!

[FaithM.]

V-DAY COUNTDOWN: 7!

I was afraid for a minute I wouldn't be able to get back on because when I got here just now I discovered I'd been logged out. I forgot my password a long ways back so I chose to stay logged in all the time because I was afraid of being locked out of my account. Thank goodness they let me change my password or otherwise I would be lost!

Tuesday's Menu:

Meal -- grilled flounder/mayo
deviled egg half/bacon bits

BEVS:
WATER
senna tea w/splenda
2 c. coffee w/cream & splenda

WORKOUT? N

WT: 177

I partial Fasted, that's why I had only one meal. I was feeling up to it plus I am just SO behind from where I wanted to be the week before. I swear I don't want to be stuck in the 170's when we leave! I feel so much more comfortable and at ease when I am at least 10 lbs. below this. Anyway, this is kind of like the "Blowout" plan where you fast thru the day then have only one meal. This works for me because I get the benefit of the fast but still get to eat something. It was worth the 3 lb. loss I got this morning.

I did end up giving into some sweeteners last night, it tasted sooo good too! And satisfying. This stuff tastes so much better when you give your senses a break from it. It becomes more of a novelty, a real treat! I will continue to give myself regular breaks so I enjoy them more when I add them in. Today I got thru with no AS whatsoever!

[FaithM.]

V-DAY COUNTDOWN: 5!

One of the drawbacks to having the kids home for the summer...less computer time! I suppose I should view that as more of a good thing than a negative though. I'd been spending far too much time on the computer lately.

Wednesday's Menu:

Meal -- grilled flounder/mayo
egg yolk

BEVS:
WATER
senna tea, plain

WORKOUT? N

WT: 175

As is evident, I did the one meal thing again. It was tough but I am holding strong. I was disappointed losing only 2 lbs. because that's a heckuva lot of sacrifice for just 2 measly lbs! Was going to do this again today but I was hungry so I ate more but still kept it very light, mostly fasted. GO AWAY 170's!!

Since Thursday is officially over I'll go ahead and post my menu. I probably won't be able to get back on until late night tomorrow.

Thursday's Menu:

B -- 2 deviled egg halves/bacon bits

L -- 2 deviled egg halves

D -- turkey-mayo rollups (5)

BEVS:
WATER
2 c. coffee w/cream & splenda
senna tea w/splenda
grn tea packets (3)

WORKOUT? Y...treadmill 40 min...2 mi/floor exerc.

[FaithM.]

I thought it would be fun to post some entries out of my own personal diary I started January '06 back when I took the plunge and decided to go LC and lose the weight once and for all. To this day I am astounded that I have actually stuck with this!

Well here goes…the diary I said I wasn’t ever going to start! This diary recording my once-again but final weightloss track:

TUESDAY, JANUARY 10, 2006

Day One! I’ve decided the best and simplest way to get started and at long last get this weight off is to make it official by writing it down because clearly all those “mental agreements” just weren’t enough to keep me at it. I’m feeling pretty darn motivated right now but I will be honest and say these moments are just moments that come & go!

So, getting right down to the basics, I felt the best way of making it official was to read over Dr. Atkins’ website and any other low carb (LC) message board I could find. They are great motivators. I even came across a “100’s Club” board for those (like me) who have 100 or more lbs. to lose.

Anyhow I won’t be holding anything back here and that includes any cheating & bingeing I may do. I must start by being honest with myself because if you’re cheating yourself you’re not hurting anyone but you. Still, I’m not going in with any false expectations nor am I going to lie and say everything and every day is outstanding and going perfect because I know every day isn’t going to be!

As many times as I’ve talked myself out of adding ‘1 more journal’ to my "collection” I deep down feel I really do need this one. See, the one thing that’s affected my life the most has been the biggest thing I’ve tried to keep hidden from MY LIFE!! In my other journals I don’t write about my weight problem/food addiction because I don’t want it influencing anyone else who may read them (and all my journals are open to any & everybody—yes, including this one!). I still don’t trust that there is a single soul out there who can look at nor think about a heavy person and not have that in the back of their head, deep down affecting their opinion of you. Who else could really see me for me and not for the body they see??

Therefore, when I say I won’t be withholding anything here, this is one of them. Now I’ve got a page where I don’t have to feel ashamed to mention my weight and talk about the many burdens that weigh me down daily both physically and emotionally.

I’m not at my highest weight but I’m putting it down for the record. I’m going on 2 week induction so I won’t be weighing for 2 weeks, then probably every week after that. So I’m putting down what I weighed the last time I checked which was only a few days ago. Also, my goal weight—which is 140 lbs. After each weigh-in I’ll put my current weight.

Highest Weight: 298 lbs. (January 1)

Current weight: 292 lbs.

[FaithM.]

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 11, 2006 DAY 2

Yesterday didn’t go too bad. I stayed on track and that’s all that matters. The biggest pain for me is getting used to no more late night snacking. No not just ‘late night’—middle of the night snacking! Yikes! Another thing I’m having to remember is to eat when I AM hungry. Before I’d be trying so hard to make it on as little as possible then end up binging hardest at the end of the day because I was too hungry and my defenses too low to even care. So I’m making sure to fill up. The bad thing is I’m kind of burned out a little on tuna fish and eggs from all my past lowcarbing. Thank goodness DH's coming home today because I’m out of just about everything. I’m eating tuna fish for breakfast because I didn’t think I could stand eggs right now, besides I had that for dinner last night! I’ll get a little more variety in my diet once he gets home with groceries! J I visited the 100’s Forum this morning and that’s really helping to keep my spirits up.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 13, 2006 DAY 4

I’ve been going thru serious sugar/caffeine withdrawal the past couple days. I had a nagging headache that just would not go away but it’s much better today, thank God. I always hated this phase of the plan, the part where you’re fatigued and your head hurts from wanting sugar so bad! I just almost caved last night with chocolate chip ice cream while the kids were getting their dessert. I don’t know how but I managed to not do it. I know that one taste is instant sabotage and I’m never satisfied with one thing. That one little cup of ice cream would’ve set me on an all-nighter’s binge!

MONDAY, JANUARY 16, 2006

All in all my plan is going wonderful. I’m staying on track and my motivation is going strong. I can’t wait till it shows in my energy level and appearance. The only negative thing I have to say is I’m hungry so much but I’m not eating huge meals either. I eat till I’m satisfied but not as much as I’m certain most Atkins followers eat. My biggest obstacle trying to overcome is this late night snacking habit of mine but I’m not eating out of boredom I really am hungry but I blame myself for not eating enough throughout the day but there’s only so much eggs and chicken you can eat! It’s 3 AM and I should be sleeping but I’m an insomniac which makes it even harder. I’m sitting here eating a boiled egg...it’s something! The important thing is I haven’t cheated and haven’t wanted to! Yesterday I did 5 minutes on the exercise bike (not
much but I am still recuperating from a serious bout with this rheumatic disorder which left me disabled and completely debilitated for much
of last year so I’m still playing catch up), plus went outside and played some badminton with DH & the kids with the new set Santa gave the family for Christmas. I could only stand in place and try to hit the birdies but I can say I got out and did something!