From Wheelchair to Tae-Bo...

[mstamika]

Sending you hugs and encouragement

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - So glad to hear that yesterday was better and that you were able to catch yourself before it got out of control! That's real progress, my friend!!!!! I'm proud of you! And ITA with Tracey - Exercise is such a good stress reliever. Glad to hear you found time for that,also!! Thanks again for your compliments! I have to say- I'm not sorry about the problems with DBF. Without them things would have just kept on the way they were - which wasn't good. It took the problems to bring us to where we are now. We don't learn and grow from the easy times in our lives. The trials and tribulations are where we find our strength. In our religion, we believe that everyone will pay for the sins they commit, either here or now, or later after we die. Those who suffer alot now will not suffer so much later. When my life gets difficult, I always remember that. I just keep telling myself that it may suck now, but it would suck alot worse later! Hang in there. I think you are making progress and I'm always here to listen.

[FaithM.]

Thanks Tracey and Mstamika for the hugs and the encouragement! You know how much I appreciate it!

Maryam...I totally agree it is thru the hard times we discover how strong we really are...because we have to be! If everything came easy we would continue taking everything we have for granted. If it is true that those who suffer more now suffer less later then all I can say is that later I ought to be living the high life!! I have certainly fought all my life for every ounce of dignity I possess now.

[FaithM.]

Ok, I have just spent the last hour doing a lot of figuring, logging yesterday's menu into fitday, etc.

I haven't decided whether I want to focus more on the carbs or the calories from this point. I don't mind keeping control of the carbs, they are much easier to keep track of IMO than counting calories, and less troublesome. That is one of the things I enjoy about LCing. I do believe the closer to our goal we become that calories do count. Thing that gets me is all throughout Dr. Atkins Diet Revolution he gives case studies on some of his patients and how quickly they lost but I don't remember him ever making a deal out of whether he feared they were getting enough calories. All I am sure of is he stresses the importance of climbing the carb ladder to find your CCL. So between this, that, and the other it can all tend to make you a bit

At any rate, I am going to continue keeping my carbs below 20 but for good measure I did some calorie figuring, what is needed for maintenance and loss. I estimated using some numbers that Marci ( thanks, Marci!) jotted down on page 1 of my journal. This is what I came up with:

For a 200 lb. person...

X 12 for maintenance = 2400

between X 8 and X 10 for weight loss = 1600 - 2000

Since you need less calories the less you weigh you will subtract a little for every 10 lbs. you lose, I figure. So, for a 190 lb. person that would be 2280 to maintain and between 1520 - 1900 for weight loss.

I don't really know how strictly I am going to adhere to those numbers but it at least gives me a guideline as I have become accustomed in the past to calories anywhere from zilch to 400 and I don't want to have to do that again just to have to struggle to keep the weight off!

ETA: I forgot, I was going to put one other thing in and it had to do with what particular calorie level would be best not to go under. Since the less you weigh the less you need it was confusing me a little because I was thinking "Sheesh I would be eating next to nothing by the time I hit my goal of 128 if I keep reducing cals!" However, I found to maintain at 130 lbs. you should be getting in at least 1560 calories. In the end, with all the numbers in front of me, I concluded that I should aim to try keeping at No Less Than 1500 calories. We will see how that goes and if I can stick with the calorie counting over time because there may be somedays I'm not able to get into Fitday to do any figuring.

[FaithM.]

This morning I am back at 199!! Please God don't let me see that 2 in the ones place ever again! There will be NO weight fluctuations here! I saw my 199 and I will not see a number any higher than this because I will not be stepping on the scale again until I know for sure that it is down! (where are the determination smilies at?? ).

I logged everything into Fitday earlier. Yesterday I had some rotisserie chicken with ranch and some pork rinds to give me something crunchy to snack on between meals so I wouldn't be reaching for the Great Unforbiddens! I also came up with something new and it isn't half bad: I fried up a one-egg omelet in butter, spread with some sour cream & picante, topped with 3 slices of thinly sliced oven roasted turkey breast (from the market), then rolled up. I had 2 of those yesterday and we're talking 0 carbs for that!

Calories for the day estimated at 1340 so I was a little low for what I should be targeting for but I at least didn't go hungry. I got on the TM around 9 pm for my jog/walk workout and did 35 minutes. Doing my workouts at night seem to be a good option for me for now, it is keeping me from eating mindlessly so late at night and I have found that the last 2 nights I slept so soundly. I just need a good hour and a half to wind down after working out then I am ready for Dreamland!

Now, I am trying to be sensible and come up with something new I can stick with so I'm not going to get too crazy with everything. This isn't at all too much for me, this is Disciplined for me so I am not in doubt whether I can stick to it; however, I just have to not let the numbers on the scale keep affecting me the way they have been because that is where I get discouraged and say to heck with everything and start shoveling food into my mouth!

[Tracey40]

Great job Faith - you can do this! Before long you won't even have to do fitday as you'll have a good idea of what you are eating. Remember to measure yourself today! Measurements DO count and sometimes more than the scale. If you begin to workout you may see the inches decrease before the scale so don't get discouraged! Afterall, what we see matters more than what we see on the scale!

Love the crunch thing! I have celery and romaine lettuce for crunch items also. Even if you don't do LC, stick to whole, healthy foods and you won't go wrong, even with the occasional slip up into the kiddies foods! LOL Getting a plan to stick with is half the battle!

Get yourself a mini-goal. My mini-goal is to stick to healthy foods for the whole month of October with no candy until October 31. So far so good, I know I can do it and I'm not letting anything stand in my way! Heck, who knows, if I go that far, I may not waste those calories on Halloween candy! LOL

Maybe a mini goal for you is - TM work or workout tape minimum 3x per week? Maybe it's good foods for 3 days, then one day with whatever then back to the 3 days.. you know? Think about what will fit into your particular lifestyle right now. Our number one culprit is putting too much on ourselves to stress ourselves out and we fail from the start. Mini-baby-steps and we'll all get there!! (again, you are not alone here - pick me! LOL)

I have faith in you and I know you do in yourself!

[FaithM.]

Hey Tracey, I just came from your journal what a coincidence, LOL! Thank you for the suggestions. I've been thinking of a mini goal which would be aiming for 15 lbs. a month. That would be easily attainable just by staying on plan and working out at least 5 days a week. Within 6 months I could be at or near goal OR I can still be driving myself crazy and still be fighting to stay under 200. I think I have made my choice!

I decided if I stay completely OP until Oct. 31 I will allow myself some sf candy (and I know already I can't overdo on that so that will be my only option).

Going now to take my measurements!

[mstamika]

Faith, Way to go! Your approach sounds great. I would reconsider the weight goal and exchange it for a habit goal. Tracey made some great suggestions.

Your goal seems very "get the weight off now" driven. Since this is in line with what you have been doing in the past consider changing your approach. If you change the habit the weight loss will come in time.

You are right about being able to lose 15 pounds a month doing all those things but your goal is to keep the weight off. Good habits keep the weight off long term, dieting gets the weight off short term.

Tell me to shut up anytime you're ready.

[beautifulme]

Hi Faith.

You have come a long way with your weight loss.I can see from your stats that you have lost a lot of weight.CONGRATULATIONS.

We all have days where we feel that we could have done better,as long as we learn from those days we will reach our goals.

You mentioned that you don't want to make this a personal diary.I think that you should write down whatever you feel.Release the pain.

I use my journal as a personal diary sometimes.I put things down that my best friends don't even know.Knowing that it helps someone else is why I do it.Sometimes I just use it to rant,most of the time I type to keep myself away from taco bell.

Enjoy your weekend.

[FaithM.]

Originally Posted by mstamika

Faith, Way to go! Your approach sounds great. I would reconsider the weight goal and exchange it for a habit goal. Tracey made some great suggestions.

Your goal seems very "get the weight off now" driven. Since this is in line with what you have been doing in the past consider changing your approach. If you change the habit the weight loss will come in time.

You are right about being able to lose 15 pounds a month doing all those things but your goal is to keep the weight off. Good habits keep the weight off long term, dieting gets the weight off short term.

Tell me to shut up anytime you're ready.

I'm not going to tell you to shut up! I am open and appreciative of any bit of advice I receive. You are a great example of someone who has made a mindset change and I admire that in you.

I have lost a lot of weight but I don't think my mindset has really changed along the way. My brain still hasn't caught up with the changes in my body and my self image right now is in the gutter. I am still in "weight loss mode" or feel I should be. From day one my goal has been to get the weight off. The biggest part of that drive was I didn't want to go back to that point where I was so ill my life literally came to a screeching halt. For most of my 37 years I have been either overweight or morbidly obese. I was so tired of feeling defined by that that I didn't, and still don't, want to live another day longer than I have to being miserable. And right now I am miserable! I haven't wanted to "enjoy the journey" because I haven't enjoyed being obese (I know, nobody does but that is just my reasoning right now). Once I made my mind up to get it off I needed something that would give me the motivation to keep going and that was seeing results because trying to be patient and waiting for it to happen in due time never was enough to keep me going. I always quit in the past because I felt like, if I was getting anywhere at all it took so freakin' long that I lost focus along the way. So in my eyes I need those weight goals to strive for.

Currently I no longer seem able to concentrate and focus on very crucial things outside of my weight that are begging for my attention and that is my family. I am so put off and distraught by how my body feels right now that I am becoming detached and I know my DH and kids sense that I haven't been "all there". There is so much going on in our family right now and so many drastic changes coming about in the next few months (address change, job change, etc.) that I cannot afford to not be "with it". I'm not 298 anymore but I feel 298 right now! I had literally stopped "living" when I was at that weight. And I feel like it is getting in the way of my life today and what hurts the most is my DH and kids do not deserve that!

I'm sure by now I am sounding like a broken record. And I guess I am not truly "there" yet. I know I still have a very long way to go.

Mstamika, you are right in pointing out that I need to aim for changes in habit so I'm not disagreeing with you there. I didn't mean to go into mini rant mode and not a bit of it is against you, please know that. I wish I was a woman of fewer words, LOL! Just look at it as I am giving you a bit of practice for when you become that Psych doctor!

[FaithM.]

Originally Posted by beautifulme

Hi Faith.

You have come a long way with your weight loss.I can see from your stats that you have lost a lot of weight.CONGRATULATIONS.

We all have days where we feel that we could have done better,as long as we learn from those days we will reach our goals.

You mentioned that you don't want to make this a personal diary.I think that you should write down whatever you feel.Release the pain.

I use my journal as a personal diary sometimes.I put things down that my best friends don't even know.Knowing that it helps someone else is why I do it.Sometimes I just use it to rant,most of the time I type to keep myself away from taco bell.

Enjoy your weekend.

Same here, I type away and that is my therapy (and one reason why I have books upon books from journaling most of my life). As well, it is seeing how others cope with it all. I have drawn so much inspiration from so many here. It's like, OK I know I can talk to DH and he is an outstanding listener BUT my dysfunctional ways of thinking perplex him because he has been thin his whole life. Here, you guys get it (well, most do ).

If anything I write now or have written in the past anywhere on this site has helped any one person in any way (even if that is how NOT to screw yourself up further ) then pouring my soul here is worth it to me.

[Blondie Baby]

On getting below 200!!!!!!!! Sounds like you are doing much better! Your attitude, your outlook, everything seems to be changing for the better! I only have a couple small suggestions for you - Stay away from the scale. Weighing yourself too much can be so demoralizing! In fact I didn't weigh myself for MONTHS!!!! I knew I was losing because my clothes kept getting bigger and bigger! But I just didn't want to go there - until I had to no pants that would stay on anymore! I suggest weighing only once a week. That will give you an semi-accurate picture and allow you make any diet adjustments as necesarry. And ITA with Tracy - measure!!! Measurements are a far more accurate indicator of how you are doing! Sometimes the scale just won't budge but the measurements will still be going down!!! And my last suggestions - remember a long time ago we talked about mini-goals and rewards? Make weekly goals -write them down - and decide on a reward. Minigoals are important for motivation and the rewards should be something small but nice to pamper yourself - NON FOOD!!!!!! The big goals - 10lbs, 20lbs, those should be bigger rewards - a massage, a spa trip or whatever you like. And I sometimes use my BIG REWARDS to have that Galaxy (choc bar) bar I have dying for!!!

KUTGW Faith. You are always in my

Marci - keep meaning to tell you - You look fabulous!!!!!!!

[mstamika]

Originally Posted by FaithM.

...Once I made my mind up to get it off I needed something that would give me the motivation to keep going and that was seeing results because trying to be patient and waiting for it to happen in due time never was enough to keep me going. I always quit in the past because I felt like, if I was getting anywhere at all it took so freakin' long that I lost focus along the way. So in my eyes I need those weight goals to strive for.

Currently I no longer seem able to concentrate and focus on very crucial things outside of my weight that are begging for my attention and that is my family. I am so put off and distraught by how my body feels right now that I am becoming detached and I know my DH and kids sense that I haven't been "all there". There is so much going on in our family right now and so many drastic changes coming about in the next few months (address change, job change, etc.) that I cannot afford to not be "with it". I'm not 298 anymore but I feel 298 right now! ...

Trying to give your family the emotional and physical support they need when you feel empty and broken with nothing available inside you even for yourself is very tough. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It sounds like you are working through a lot. Given that you have come this far, even though you don't feel all that good or strong your diligence has shown that you can do anything you put your mind to.

Reaching out for help like you've been doing is great. I look forward to continuing to encourage your spirit and cheer you on as you move through these challenging times.

[FaithM.]

Originally Posted by Blondie Baby

On getting below 200!!!!!!!! Sounds like you are doing much better! Your attitude, your outlook, everything seems to be changing for the better! I only have a couple small suggestions for you - Stay away from the scale. Weighing yourself too much can be so demoralizing! In fact I didn't weigh myself for MONTHS!!!! I knew I was losing because my clothes kept getting bigger and bigger! But I just didn't want to go there - until I had to no pants that would stay on anymore! I suggest weighing only once a week. That will give you an semi-accurate picture and allow you make any diet adjustments as necesarry. And ITA with Tracy - measure!!! Measurements are a far more accurate indicator of how you are doing! Sometimes the scale just won't budge but the measurements will still be going down!!! And my last suggestions - remember a long time ago we talked about mini-goals and rewards? Make weekly goals -write them down - and decide on a reward. Minigoals are important for motivation and the rewards should be something small but nice to pamper yourself - NON FOOD!!!!!! The big goals - 10lbs, 20lbs, those should be bigger rewards - a massage, a spa trip or whatever you like. And I sometimes use my BIG REWARDS to have that Galaxy (choc bar) bar I have dying for!!!

KUTGW Faith. You are always in my

Marci - keep meaning to tell you - You look fabulous!!!!!!!

Maryam! I will try to work out something in the means of a reward system. That idea never took off before when we discussed it. I let too many other things detract me, then again feeling like I was over thinking things caused me to back off from the whole thought process. Somewhere in there I will find a happy medium, I know! Thank you for keeping me in your prayers, that means so much to me!


Hey...how about reward as an "after thought", LOL! Yesterday I went out and bought 4 new blouses and a new pair of black pants. Well, I have stayed on plan for a week (or nearly) so there is my reward. It was necessity, really. Since I haven't been able to fit in my smaller things from several months ago I figured instead of climbing the walls about it until I could fit back into them, I would just go buy something nice I can wear NOW and move on... How is that for progress?

[FaithM.]

Originally Posted by mstamika

Trying to give your family the emotional and physical support they need when you feel empty and broken with nothing available inside you even for yourself is very tough. Thank you for sharing your feelings. It sounds like you are working through a lot. Given that you have come this far, even though you don't feel all that good or strong your diligence has shown that you can do anything you put your mind to.

Reaching out for help like you've been doing is great. I look forward to continuing to encourage your spirit and cheer you on as you move through these challenging times.

Mstamika, I haven't "known" you for long but I think the world of ya already! Thank you for coming around and being here and giving me all the encouragement you have been. I will keep trying my best to do the same for you. I won't pretend to always know the right words to say but they are heartfelt, and that goes for everyone else too!

[FaithM.]

I didn't weigh this morning but yesterday morning I was still at 199. I can look at that either as a good thing or a bad thing. I haven't decided yet, LOL! But I have been doing the best I can and that is all I really am in control of.

I will admit that, late last night while winding down before bedtime, my muffin top was yapping at me again and immediately in my mind started up the fantasizing about fasting, desperate to just get rid of it as quickly as possible because it is little things like that that are ruining my mood and good spirits. Good or bad though, (as per my mind at any given moment) reality and reason set in by morning and won't allow myself to resort to those measures anymore. I haven't the physical, mental, or emotional energy to do it now so that is the good thing, I know; but it still sucks because I feel like I am at the mercy of time and have to learn to live with it, or at least learn to deal with it for God knows how long. I'm sorry guys, but it is leaving me feeling hopeless!

Well, onto the productive part of my weekend...
I stayed OP! I didn't log Saturday into Fitday because I haven't touched the computer between now and early Saturday morning (thanks, kids ). Saturday evening DH and I, with the kiddos, went out bike riding for an hour which felt wonderful because the sun was setting and it had cooled off quite a bit! Then later on I did my 35 minute workout on the TM and felt like a million bucks after my shower. Then sat down to work on my Autumn scene jigsaw before falling asleep!

Skipped workout yesterday because we were on the go alot of the day and, after 5 intense workout days, needed that off day. I added my meals into Fitday the best I could. I made a LC cheeseburger pie from the recipes archive and I'm not sure of exactly how to customize that but my total cals/carbs minus that tallied up to 1341/19; so with it I know I got in at least 1560 cals.

[beautifulme]

You are doing good Faith.I am happy that you rewarded yourself by buying new clothes.It feels great to buy smaller sizes and it's important for us to take care of ourselves no matter what our size.
You wrote about the peach cobbler in my journal...You deserve a big hug for avoiding it,Because I would have eaten the whole thing in one day.My Boyfriend used to bring things over(pies) and say that he would eat them when he returned.It used to drive me nuts.
Don't beat yourself up about a "muffin top" you have done great with your weight loss and in time you will have the body that you desire.Macy's has these jeans called tummy tuck jeans,they work great for controlling the tummy.I usually just buy a 10$ girdle from Walmart,Gives me an instant waistline.
Are you taking pictures of yourself during your weight loss?Look at those when you are feeling discouraged.

[Blondie Baby]

Faith - Congrats on rewarding yourself! I love new clothes! And don't feel hopeless. Nothing is without hope. Look at the scale staying at 199 as a GOOD thing. It didn't go UP!!!! As long as the scale doesn't go up, I'm happy! And with all the exercise you have been doing, it's not surprising that the scale didn't budge! It's most likely water weight. I bet if you measure you will find a loss!!!!

And tell your muffin top to shut up!!!! I takes time to lose weight in a healthy manner. I had to learn that the hard, too. After YEARS of taking fat burners and others crap to make the scale move faster - I have finally come to the conclusion that I was only fooling myself. All the weight and inches I have lost this year - I HAVE LOST - not by using some pills, or starving myself - but by eating clean and exercising. The losses have come slower, but they have come and they STAYED!!!! That's what I mean when I say as long as the scale doesn't go up I'm happy!

Congrats on staying OP and getting your workouts in! I don't blame you taking a day off. Sometime your body needs it!

[Tracey40]

How's it going!!

[mstamika]

Hi Faith Dropping by to encourage you in the journey. Keep up the good work

[FaithM.]

Originally Posted by beautifulme

You are doing good Faith.I am happy that you rewarded yourself by buying new clothes.It feels great to buy smaller sizes and it's important for us to take care of ourselves no matter what our size.
You wrote about the peach cobbler in my journal...You deserve a big hug for avoiding it,Because I would have eaten the whole thing in one day.My Boyfriend used to bring things over(pies) and say that he would eat them when he returned.It used to drive me nuts.
Don't beat yourself up about a "muffin top" you have done great with your weight loss and in time you will have the body that you desire.Macy's has these jeans called tummy tuck jeans,they work great for controlling the tummy.I usually just buy a 10$ girdle from Walmart,Gives me an instant waistline.
Are you taking pictures of yourself during your weight loss?Look at those when you are feeling discouraged.

Thanks, Layla! DH finally polished off the last of that cobbler last night. I'm feeling a little guilty though because he is eating these things that he would be better off without too yet falling into my old habit of eating what the rest of the family won't eat because he doesn't want to see it go to waste.

Ooh, tummy tuck jeans! Looks like I'm gonna have to make a trip over to Macy's in the near future! Wonder how much those things cost?