What I want to be....

gippersmom · 05-06-2007, 11:50 AM

I want to be the skinny chick that everybody hates! I want to be happy with who I am, where I am, and how I look. I definitely want to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I get tired of people telling me that I look "great" for having 6 kids...it is almost like people responding to me saying I am fat, by telling me "but you have a cute face". please...I want to look great for having six kids, and being 39. I want to look the best that I can.

Seems to me, the only way I have ever successfully lost weight in the past is by using diet pills...and starving myself. I have no willpower, none at all, and it just always seemed to work for me to take the little pill, deal with being irritable and having the shakes all day, and not having to worry about my tummy growling and wanting to eat something. Bad part about the diet pills, I had to go on prozac for two years to regulate my seratonin levels that got all out of whack from the pills...

I guess it is time for me to take control of my life and what I eat. I seem to be such a control freak in other avenues of my life, but when it comes to eating, I am soooooooo out of control! I just

to eat!

When I went on Atkins, 8 years ago, I lost 18 pounds. I felt like for the first time in a long time, I was doing something to take control of my life, and I felt good about it. After losing it and moving on to maintenance, I pretty much tried to follow the rules of low carb eating and avoided all, or most of the "forbidden" foods. Then, eventually I got a little lazy, and it didn't take long and I was back in the size 12's. It is funny, people say when you get to be a certain age...things change. I never believed them. Seems like the last two years the weight just kept adding on and adding on....I didn't really notice that much because I had such a variety of clothes in my closet, due to the number of times I have yo yo'd that I would just grab a bigger pair of shorts...the reality sank in whenever winter came, and I realized that I only had 2 pairs of pants that fit, and even they were getting tight (they used to be my almost fall off of me pants). THAT, is when I made the statement to myself that I needed to do something. This is my last chance.

I have been on Atkins about a month and have lost 10 pounds (but I keep bobbing up and down gaining two losing two) This is the problem I ran into...I thought that so much has changed from 8 years ago on Atkins..now they have so many wonderful low carb products, bars, snacks, treats chips..etc....surely it will be waaaaaay easier to lose the weight this go round.. Actually, it has been harder. I went out and bought all that crap, and I honestly believe it has made it more difficult to lose the weight..instead of forcing me to deal with my addictions head on, those products have only been substitutions for my addictions and have lead to overeating those snacks which eventually lead to me cheating. After I signed up for LCF I found the Kimmer threads, and the more I read, the more I realized that what she said was right....the "old" Atkins way, was the way to lose weight..the new and improved way, was not.

So today I started the K/E and joined the boot camp. If this doesn't work, then I will resign myself to the fact that I will just simply have to once and for all sell all my skinny clothes, and buy more fat clothes. Being fat won't make me happy....*sigh*

Lulu Belle · 05-06-2007, 01:08 PM

I hate to tell you this, but you truely do look great for having 6 children!!!!!!!! I'm sooo jealous. Either way, i get your point. It sounds like you're really determined so this might be just the motivation you need! Best wishes.

Carolina Girl · 05-06-2007, 02:03 PM

You certainly don't look fat in the photo. You are a beatiful, slim woman. Don't be so critial of yourself.

gippersmom · 05-06-2007, 02:37 PM

Thank you both soooo much for the kind words, and encouragement....Over the years, you kind of learn ways to stand, lean forward, slouch or slump to hide how big you really are....for me, I always put a little kid in front of me, and "voila"! instant slimming look...lol...So many people tell me I do not look fat....I guess, they think I hide it well, the scales don't lie, and the other thing that people don't see, is me...nekked....lol. I think if I weighed 145 pounds and had little fat on my body, that would be okay, but I have LOTS of flaps and flabs, and things that hang out, if you get my drift.

Ms. Clairol number 103 is my best friend...without her, I would be pretty much salt and pepper gray because my mom was pre-mature gray (by the time she was 18, full head of grays).

I think I have found a happy place here...I think a lot of making a change, lifestyle or any other kind, you need support and encouragement, and in the past, whenever I say, "I think I need to lose weight"...my hubby would say "You don't need to lose weight, you look fine" because he knows when I "diet" I get cranky and whiney and he is miserable because of my misery...lol...so, after a week of dieting, I think, well, he is happy with me like this, so let's go have a sundae...I am through with icecream (actually, I didn't really eat icecream that much, it was the real food that I have a blast with) But I am slowly gaining control of my urges, and one of the best things I read on this forum, is if you have to cheat, cheat with protein, or something that is on the "have" list. So, even tho I am on K/E...if I feel like for one minute I am gonna cheat, don't think I wouldn't hesitate to eat a deviled egg...lol...one of my favorites....then I would beat myself up about being weak....then Monday morning, back on K/E strictly...so far, tho, I am doing okay, I had my two eggs for breakfast and 3 thin slices of turkey. I didn't have lunch...well, I had a boiled egg, so I guess that was lunch. I am counting down to 5 pm when I can have my ground chuck roast on the grill....(my hubby calls it cheating without cheating...lol..because we are supposed to eat lean meat, so I buy the lean roast, and have them grind them up at the meat counter...especially where I live we have a store called "Winn Dixie" and they have buy one get one free sales...so the roasts end up being less than $2.00 per pound...which is great.)

Gosh, I am babbling again...which is why I decided to start one of these journals...so I don't drive everyone crazy on the forums...

05-06-2007, 11:50 AM	#1
gippersmom Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Deep South (Central Sunshine State) Posts: 111 Gallery: gippersmom Stats: 155/155/125 5'5" analog scale WOE: Former Atkins, Kimkins cult, Now, South Beach Start Date: 4/9/2007/10/12/2007 restart	What I want to be.... I want to be the skinny chick that everybody hates! I want to be happy with who I am, where I am, and how I look. I definitely want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I get tired of people telling me that I look "great" for having 6 kids...it is almost like people responding to me saying I am fat, by telling me "but you have a cute face". please...I want to look great for having six kids, and being 39. I want to look the best that I can. Seems to me, the only way I have ever successfully lost weight in the past is by using diet pills...and starving myself. I have no willpower, none at all, and it just always seemed to work for me to take the little pill, deal with being irritable and having the shakes all day, and not having to worry about my tummy growling and wanting to eat something. Bad part about the diet pills, I had to go on prozac for two years to regulate my seratonin levels that got all out of whack from the pills... I guess it is time for me to take control of my life and what I eat. I seem to be such a control freak in other avenues of my life, but when it comes to eating, I am soooooooo out of control! I just to eat! When I went on Atkins, 8 years ago, I lost 18 pounds. I felt like for the first time in a long time, I was doing something to take control of my life, and I felt good about it. After losing it and moving on to maintenance, I pretty much tried to follow the rules of low carb eating and avoided all, or most of the "forbidden" foods. Then, eventually I got a little lazy, and it didn't take long and I was back in the size 12's. It is funny, people say when you get to be a certain age...things change. I never believed them. Seems like the last two years the weight just kept adding on and adding on....I didn't really notice that much because I had such a variety of clothes in my closet, due to the number of times I have yo yo'd that I would just grab a bigger pair of shorts...the reality sank in whenever winter came, and I realized that I only had 2 pairs of pants that fit, and even they were getting tight (they used to be my almost fall off of me pants). THAT, is when I made the statement to myself that I needed to do something. This is my last chance. I have been on Atkins about a month and have lost 10 pounds (but I keep bobbing up and down gaining two losing two) This is the problem I ran into...I thought that so much has changed from 8 years ago on Atkins..now they have so many wonderful low carb products, bars, snacks, treats chips..etc....surely it will be waaaaaay easier to lose the weight this go round.. Actually, it has been harder. I went out and bought all that crap, and I honestly believe it has made it more difficult to lose the weight..instead of forcing me to deal with my addictions head on, those products have only been substitutions for my addictions and have lead to overeating those snacks which eventually lead to me cheating. After I signed up for LCF I found the Kimmer threads, and the more I read, the more I realized that what she said was right....the "old" Atkins way, was the way to lose weight..the new and improved way, was not. So today I started the K/E and joined the boot camp. If this doesn't work, then I will resign myself to the fact that I will just simply have to once and for all sell all my skinny clothes, and buy more fat clothes. Being fat won't make me happy....sigh __________________ The only person who can change me.....is me.

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05-06-2007, 01:08 PM	#2
Lulu Belle Very Gabby LCF Member!!! Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Canada! Posts: 3,928 Gallery: Lulu Belle Stats: 219/197/194 Small goals first! WOE: Atkins/low carb. Start Date: Every Flippin' Day	I hate to tell you this, but you truely do look great for having 6 children!!!!!!!! I'm sooo jealous. Either way, i get your point. It sounds like you're really determined so this might be just the motivation you need! Best wishes.

05-06-2007, 02:03 PM	#3
Carolina Girl Junior LCF Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: South Carolina Posts: 47 Gallery: Carolina Girl Stats: 185/147.5/130 WOE: Atkins Start Date: January 2007	You certainly don't look fat in the photo. You are a beatiful, slim woman. Don't be so critial of yourself.

05-06-2007, 02:37 PM	#4
gippersmom Senior LCF Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Deep South (Central Sunshine State) Posts: 111 Gallery: gippersmom Stats: 155/155/125 5'5" analog scale WOE: Former Atkins, Kimkins cult, Now, South Beach Start Date: 4/9/2007/10/12/2007 restart	Thank you both soooo much for the kind words, and encouragement....Over the years, you kind of learn ways to stand, lean forward, slouch or slump to hide how big you really are....for me, I always put a little kid in front of me, and "voila"! instant slimming look...lol...So many people tell me I do not look fat....I guess, they think I hide it well, the scales don't lie, and the other thing that people don't see, is me...nekked....lol. I think if I weighed 145 pounds and had little fat on my body, that would be okay, but I have LOTS of flaps and flabs, and things that hang out, if you get my drift. Ms. Clairol number 103 is my best friend...without her, I would be pretty much salt and pepper gray because my mom was pre-mature gray (by the time she was 18, full head of grays). I think I have found a happy place here...I think a lot of making a change, lifestyle or any other kind, you need support and encouragement, and in the past, whenever I say, "I think I need to lose weight"...my hubby would say "You don't need to lose weight, you look fine" because he knows when I "diet" I get cranky and whiney and he is miserable because of my misery...lol...so, after a week of dieting, I think, well, he is happy with me like this, so let's go have a sundae...I am through with icecream (actually, I didn't really eat icecream that much, it was the real food that I have a blast with) But I am slowly gaining control of my urges, and one of the best things I read on this forum, is if you have to cheat, cheat with protein, or something that is on the "have" list. So, even tho I am on K/E...if I feel like for one minute I am gonna cheat, don't think I wouldn't hesitate to eat a deviled egg...lol...one of my favorites....then I would beat myself up about being weak....then Monday morning, back on K/E strictly...so far, tho, I am doing okay, I had my two eggs for breakfast and 3 thin slices of turkey. I didn't have lunch...well, I had a boiled egg, so I guess that was lunch. I am counting down to 5 pm when I can have my ground chuck roast on the grill....(my hubby calls it cheating without cheating...lol..because we are supposed to eat lean meat, so I buy the lean roast, and have them grind them up at the meat counter...especially where I live we have a store called "Winn Dixie" and they have buy one get one free sales...so the roasts end up being less than $2.00 per pound...which is great.) Gosh, I am babbling again...which is why I decided to start one of these journals...so I don't drive everyone crazy on the forums...