A new me - on my way to size 12's (for now)

[losin4good1980]

OK. Well I decided to start a new journal. For any of you who don't know me - and maybe just a recap for those that do - here is a bit about me.

I'm 26 years old, married for almost 1 year (together almost 7 years) to a wonderful husband named Wade and we have a 2.5 year old son named Brayden

I've always had a problem with my weight. I believe I was handed down this weight problem from my mother - not through genes since I was adopted, but emotionally. When I was six, her kidneys failed and went on dialysis and on the transplant list for a new kidney. My childhood revolved around mom's restrictive diet (no salt, no chocolate, etc) and listening to her put herself down quite often - she was ashamed of the "war wounds" of dialysis and a kidney transplant and frequently commented on how her body looked disformed and wore sweaters in the summer so that no one would see her scars. Of course I always thought she was beautiful and never understood why anything would make her want to wear a long sleeved shirt in the dead of summer - but alas, 20 years later - I wonder if my son will wonder the same things about me. A powerful new reason to stop my habits now.

I have a clear vision of me in grade 5 weighing myself on my mom's scales - picking up another one of her habits that she needed to do daily for her health. I remember getting on the scales on this particular day and weighing in at 115 lbs. Other girls my age were not even breaking the 100lb mark, so I thought I was fat. I was 11 and considerably tall for my age. Makes me want to cry thinking that I thought I was fat at 115lbs.

So once I started going to middle school is where the problem began. I was older so I was able to go to stores by myself and was given an allowance - bring on the endless pit of previously denied chips and candy. Mmmmmmmmm heaven. This is where trouble hit. I was sneaky - stole money from my parents for junkfood.. snuck food into my room.. stole money from my gram for junkfood.. as I got older I would even go as far as to eat supper with my parents, and then go out with my friends a little while later and tell them I hadn't eaten yet and wanted to get some food. It wouldn't matter if I was hungry or not - I just wanted junkfood/fast food. Something greasy and tasty.

All through school I was made fun of and picked on so to deal with that, I turned to my best friend - junk food. I think it was around grade 10 or 11 that I hit the 200lb mark. I'm pretty sure at this time I was fitting into size 38jeans .. my mom had no fashion sense and hated shopping so I never had that bonding experience of learning how to do my hair, makeup, dressing myself properly, etc. The only thing we shared was our love/hate relationship of food.

I went to college and being far away from my parents I was pretty depressed. I of course was eating everything in site. I remember going shopping with my dad for a dress for someone's wedding and I bought a size 16 - it was tight - but I remember it was a size 16. I was 18 years old.

After that I met my husband when I was 20 and after all was said and done on May 26th, 2006 - when we came back from our honeymoon - I was 255lbs and in tight size 20 pants. I had tried to lose weight for the wedding, but that didn't pan out. I've done so many fad diets and taken so many diet pills - nothing has worked.

In Sept 2006, I started Atkins. I got down to 217 lbs by Christmas time, but couldn't stick to it - I had so many cheating sprees and off plan days that technically I was only on Atkins for about a month - LOL.

Now I am back up to 231lbs - I just weighed myself - blah. I am so disappointed in myself it's unreal. But up there a couple lines ago when I just had that realization that my obsession and horrible habits could be handed down to my beautiful son - something has to be done - and this time I mean it. I don't want him to have the same thing happen to him. I'm miserable and this cycle needs to stop here. Before I was only wanting to lose weight for vanity reasons - so I would look as good as my thin friends, but now the steaks are much higher. BUT I still want to look good for ME too

I am going on a cruise in September with my husband, my best friend and her fiancee. I've already been on a cruise as a big ole fatty and that wasn't much fun - especially looking back at the pictures that were taken of me. This time I want it to be different. I have a size 12 pair of gorgeous jeans that I want to fit in and a cute (large) white dress shirt - I want to be wearing this outfit on the plane ride to Miami.

So I'm not doing Atkins again - I need to be realistic to myself - it just didn't work for ME. My game plan is:

1) calorie intake of 1650-1800 per day
2) go to the gym 5x a week (with my personal trainer for 2 of those days)
3) drink 3L of water a day
4) no eating 2 hrs before bed

So - that's my story and I'm sticking to it


Off we go! Tomorrow is a new day and it feels good to finally get all this out in the open and start fresh. Maybe this is what I needed!!

[Edwards20]

WTG Maggie. It's amazing how we don't want our children to re-live our childhoods. And you are right, WE have to stop the cycle. NO ONE can do it for us. I am so proud of you for starting a new journal, and I look forward to walking with you on your journey .... we can and will do this !!

[JoyInHope]

Originally Posted by losin4good1980

Off we go! Tomorrow is a new day and it feels good to finally get all this out in the open and start fresh. Maybe this is what I needed!!

I love your new journal's title and I think your nutrition and exercise plan looks great! You're a busy girl and I think this approach is going to work for you because it gives you some flexibility but also some accountability with your trainer.

I know you can get into those goal jeans by September! You at 180 pounds may be swimming in 12's - you can go to myvirtualmodel dot com and create an image of what you might look like at that weight!

No matter what, I know this will work for you and you'll be able to look back on the 'story' of your life with another perspective, making it a success story of how you overcame an unhealthy relationship with food (love/hate) and built within your son a very healthy lifestyle!

Have a great day, Maggie!

~ Cathy

[hawkwife]

Hey Maggie, found ya! Way to keep chugging along! Remember what I said right? We are all here to help eachother. I too am starting fresh tomorrow... Have a great night!!

Jen

[losin4good1980]

Cathy, Candy and Jen - thanks so much for coming along on this wild ride with me and yes, it will be wild! LOL - Today is a brand new day and day 1... I've already had my breakfast (3/4 c Almond Spec K, 1/2 c banana, 1/2 c 1% milk) - and I have my 1.5L water bottle at my hip and I'm just getting ready to walk out the door to go see my personal trainer - time to burn off 500 calories! LOL
On a sour note, I weighed myself this morning - 229.... back to square one it feels - I was down to 217 - ugh so disappointing......... oh well. At least I'm finally stopping this... or starting - however you wanna look at it!
Well - off I go! Will be back after the gym and input my menu for the day......

xoxox ciao

[Edwards20]

Good Morning Sunshine !! Yep, we are on a wild ride ... but we can do it !!

[hawkwife]

Hey Maggie, your doing great. Your positive attitude is half the battle! I too feel partly defeated. I am back up to 225, but we just gotta keep going! Let's agree to push eachother and never quit...we are worth it!!
Deal?

Jen

[KimmerJ]

I found you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After a weekend of tornados and being evacuated several times I'm ready to start again!!!!

I'm glad that you found what works for you maggie!!!

So a cruise???? WAY TO GO!!! What a trip to look forward to!!!

Talk to you later miss! Bye!

[heidi21062]

I found you!

[Edwards20]

Hello my dear friend. Just checking in on you. Hope you are having a wonderful day.

[Edwards20]

No update

Just popping in and wishing you a good day !!

[losin4good1980]

Eeep - sorry girls! Hubby and I were out shopping yesterday and spending time with each other - had a very nice day... Glad yas found me Kimmer and Heidi Kimmer - didn't realize you were involved with that Tornado storm - glad you are ok!!
Well my lovely friends - little miss undecided is going back to Atkins....... will start once I get rid of some carb filled low cal snacks that I have (that hubby won't eat/doesn't like).. so it looks like Saturday or Monday... maybe sooner - we'll see I'm excited about the change - as I usually am But I feel with the added benefit of working out 5 days a week will make me do that much better as I did the first time around - I think I can, I think I can

Hope yas have a wonderful day!! xoxo

PS - Candy and Jenn - we are very close in weights - so the race is on.. nothing like a good competition to get ya going, eh??

[hawkwife]

Maggie, yes we are very close in weight. I am accually back up to 225 , but I am chugging along at this as well. That's a good idea. Maybe by pushing eachother along, we will all succeed. BTW, how tall are you? I think I'm about 5'7"

Jen

[Edwards20]

Maggie, great to hear from you. And we are very close and I KNOW we can do this !!!

[KimmerJ]

good Morning Maggie!!! I restarted on Monday with VERY SIMPLE ATKINS

I lost 3 pounds this week!!! Keep it simple sweetie and you can do it!!!!

****WE CAN DO IT!!!!*****

Have a great pre-friday day!!

[Tylar_Connar]

Hi Maggies. I finally found you...geez!! took a while huh. Well here I am. I didnt know you were adopted. Hm, my younger brother is ...i think its GREAT!

Anyways, best of luck to you. It seems we always go back to ATkins huh. I know I do. I say I am gonna try something else but it never works as good as atkins does.

[Edwards20]

Hello Maggie !! Just popping in to check on ya !!

[Edwards20]

Maggie, you should really check out this POST from Cheri.

[Tylar_Connar]

oh, yes you should. you could be a star

[Edwards20]

Yep, and Cheri said it didn't mean just someone who lost a bunch of weight and kept it off. I think that they want to talk to several.

[losin4good1980]

Hehehehehe well I just PM'd Cheri so we'll see Thanks Candy doll - don't know how I'd look on TV though - LOL - ya bet your tooshie I would be droppin some names while on stage though - everyone would know all about yas after I was done LOL

Anywho - on a serious note.. weighed myself last night 233. OMG - I know your weight is always higher at night but puh-lease - gimme a break, eh? My clothes aren't fitting right anymore.. I feel like a stuffed sausage....... I just can't wait for tomorrow to begin so I can get back at this... I hope to God this works this time - I feel it will though, since I have the added help of going to the gym... it'll keep me in line with my eating habits, I know that much...
Anyway ladies, I'm just going through some old clothes, trying to find some old fat pants that I can stuff myself into for today... guh.
love yas.

xoxoxo
moi

[Edwards20]

If you really, really want to stick to this ... be accountable with me. I can give ya some tuff love . Let me know if the show contacts you. That would be so cool. And, you might learn something from up. Or you might help someone else who is struggling. Maggie, I hope you have a wonderful Friday.

[losin4good1980]

Yes Candy darling, I would love to enlist your tough love You are doing fantastic and I want to have as much success as you!! My god I have never been more excited to start!! I would start today, but I am going out tonight with my girls so it would be pointless since I will be drinking..
I vow to write in my journal everyday - and post my menus everyday - I'm going to go work on my menus for this week......... yay! So excited!!!

[losin4good1980]

Hey how do you get your link to your journal in your siggy??

[Edwards20]

Get the link for your journal. Then edit signature. Use the little world/link icon and copy and paste the link into the pop-up box. When it posts on the page, there will be a portion in blue highlighting. Type MY JOURNAL (or whatever you want it to say there), and wah-lah.

OK, I drank and still drink .... not daily. BUT, I don't think it has really hindered me. I would choose a LC food choice tonight even drinking. Wings ?

[losin4good1980]

Thank ya dahling - all done

Low carb food choice - totally doable.......... wings does sound good.. it's one of my staples yummmmmmmm

[Edwards20]

Yay, you got it in your siggy !!

YOU can do this Maggie. YOU are a strong willed woman, and you have the determination. We all just need a swift kick every so often to remind us of this. Once you get going good, the cravings will subside.

[losin4good1980]

Yeah I'm already preparing myself for the cravings - I know I will get past this.. I have to - otherwise I'll be on my cruise and feeling fat and miserable and I loathe that idea. So with the oh-so-sweet Atkins, my personal trainer, and going to the gym 5 days a week - it should be a piece of cake provided I stay on course... which I will I can't wait.. OMG you have no idea!!